


I Love You, Awesome Nerd

by Olivia_Janae



Series: 'Willa Girl' Series [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies), bechloe - Fandom
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Friendship turned romance, first bechloe fic, music scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-07-25 15:39:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 206,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Janae/pseuds/Olivia_Janae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca had done her freaking yearly good deed. She had gone to the Bellas reunion...thing...whatever. She had gone and she had accepted the award, she had seen the Bellas; she had even let them stay at her damn condo! So why the hell was that stupid-gorgeous redhead, the one she had run from all of those years ago, back and camped out in her freaking living room refusing to leave?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> (Written before the release of PP3 and so that movie doesn't exist in this series. Placed post PP2)
> 
> Care Reminders: Drinking, intermediate drug use, distant discussion of addiction
> 
> Rating: M: Adult themes. Sexuality, swearing, smoking, drunk driving, drugs, being an all-round bad example to the youngins.
> 
> It will be a slow burn, ya'll.
> 
> In other news; I had to figure out how to do two separate kind of line breaks since I decided to try a different POV thing from what I normally do, which means I'm switching back and forth throughout. So a line break is a line break and the '****' is a change of POV. The changes won't be abrupt; I just didn't want to do it chapter by chapter as I normally would with duel POV. 
> 
> Before we get started I have to thank my wonderful beta, SQBookQueen! She spent LITERALLY HOURS on the phone with me going over head canons and plot lines for this fic. I've been writing SwanQueen for so long that writing new women was frazzling at first. She deserves a cookie. 
> 
> And of course iEliseHorn - my fucking rock. This ship finally convinced her that shipping is a legit thing. I'm so proud! I will make a fangirl out of her yet, damn it.

**:BBBBBBZZZZZZZZTT:**

 

“Jesus Christ!” Beca groaned into her hands as once freaking again the god awful sound of her buzzer scared the living shit out of her. At some point she had to get used to it, right? She had just jumped out of her skin - again. She got it. It was effective. She never missed it, even when she was lost in the world of her headphones that noise was one of the only forces on earth that could pull her back… but really, any noise...pretty much any noise, would be better than that one. The scream of dying cats as a doorbell would be better than what she currently had. Christ!

 

**:BBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZT:**

 

And then just like that her annoyance was forgotten, replaced by a secret chuckle, her eyes rolling to the ceiling because she  _totally_  already knew who it is. She could tell by the obnoxiously long ring; totally obnoxious with just a hint of adorable. No one else would give her buzzer such an enthusiastic workout...well, maybe Aubrey but that wouldn’t be enthusiasm as much as anal-retentive craziness.

Despite the eye roll, she smiled up at the cracked ceiling.

She always smiled for Chloe.

 

**:BBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTT:**

 

That fucking - adorable - brat - what the hell? “Alright, alright, I’m coming! Damn, gimmie a minute!” She pulled herself up with a lazy groan, “Chloe, why are you ringing the doorbell? You have a freaking key!” She shuffled to the door, fixing her ratty hair as best she could and muttering about being forced to get up off the couch on her day off.

She might be showing every sign of discontent, but she was not fooling herself; she knew her day had just gotten a million times better.

“Chl-” The moment the door swung open there was a loud squeal and then all Beca could see was a blur of titian curls as Chloe jumped on her, wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around her neck. “GAAAAAH!” Beca cried, barely catching her before they both tumbled to the ground. “Jesus, Chlo!” But just like the long ring, this was also not uncommon and so when she said it, she did so with a laugh, feeling her giddy heart rate shoot through the roof as she clamped down on the underside of Chloe’s knees for support. Chloe was a very physical person; the kind of person who, when moving through a crowd, would rather touch a strangers back and have a moment of human connection instead of trying to awkwardly squeeze by without contact. She always had been that way – especially with her. There had always been lots of hugging, cuddling, touching; hell, half of Beca’s cardio had always been lugging Chloe around when she was feeling particularly clingy. Again, not that Beca was complaining...like...at all.

“BEC! BEC! GUESS WHAT?”

“Hereeruagh?” Beca had to shift a bit because, well, she was very tiny - like 5’-nothing kind of tiny - and Chloe…yeah, okay she might be smallish too, but she worked out  _like crazy_! Aubrey, her workout buddy, was always pulling her from one new workout trend to the next; last year it was CrossFit and P90X and now, post move to L.A., Chloe seemed to be getting into high intensity yoga. The woman was half freaking muscle; she was fucking heavy. Beca let out an unwilling grunt and shifted her hands to the underside of the thighs that were wrapped around her, enjoying the little tingle in her lower belly at the action - this could be soooo...When she had her situated so she knew she wasn’t going to rip something, or break something or...drop her, she finally pulled her head back so she could see Chloe’s waiting, radiant and flushed face.

It happened every single freaking time; hitting her like a tsunami, knocking her senseless and momentarily robbing her of speech and yet somehow she was  _still_  surprised by it - after all this damn time! She was so goddamn beautiful; that toothy grin and those intoxicating eyes constantly blew Beca away. To be fair, it was a proximity thing. Seeing her across the room was...powerful, like sticking a fork in an outlet, but having her suddenly sprung on her like this, so close, it was going to give her a heart attack. Fuck.

Ugh, how was she even real?

Beca could feel her lips curling into a smile too, simply in response to the fact that Chloe was smiling at her; it was a reflex, like shielding your eyes from the bright afternoon sun after stepping from a dark room, “What?” Chloe as the sun? Yeah, that was an apt description.

“Look!” Chloe reached behind her to pull something from her back pocket, not seeming to register at all that they were still in the doorway of Beca’s apartment or that she was still comfortably wrapped around her like a sloth. It made Beca’s smile grow all the wider because it was  _so_ Chloe.

Oh! Take that. She was supposed to – okay. Right.

It took her a second of situating to be able to pull a hand free and take the thing.

“Wha...” The long pink stick sat in her hand for one beat...two...three, then, “Oh! Ew! Dude!” She didn’t mean to send it flying across the patio, but she couldn’t help spasmodically shaking her hand like somehow _that_  would get the cooties off, “The hell? You peed on that!”

Chloe just rolled her eyes, not caring in the slightest that some people might find that kind of gross, “Did you  _see_?”

Beca frowned; still trying to get over the gross out factor...and then it clicked home.

Two little pink lines.

_Two pink lines_...it was like she had just been immobilized, utterly and entirely frozen in place. Two pink lines?

Something on her face must have changed, must have shown...something, some type of recognition because Chloe let out a high excited squeal and clutched tighter around her neck, choking the life out of her as she yelled into her ear, “I’M PREGNANT!” Beca felt her eardrum rattle, but she couldn’t - she was too surprised, she couldn’t move. Chloe’s legs started to excitedly kick on either side of Beca as she squealed again, the momentum knocking them into the doorframe. Beca blinked, barely noticing the new position because Chloe’s forehead had just fallen against her own so they were nose to nose, those vibrant baby blues piercing into her very soul. “We’re  _pregnant_.”

Beca opened her mouth, waiting for words but she couldn’t seem to find any. She could hear so much joy in Chlo’s voice, so much peace as if everything in her world had just begun to finally align. She could hear the reverence brought on by those two tiny and yet oh so meaningful little pink lines.

The way Chloe said that…it was almost like…it was almost as though… ugh god, Beca could see it…a tiny baby with blue eyes and red curls, ugh, giggling as it ran and jumped. She watched as a scene played out in her head, the toddler singing and playing, Chloe chasing after it, her hair shining in the sunlight, her face aglow. She watched as Chloe tackled the child to the grass, and though she’s the one doing the tickling, they are both laughing - the same laugh, mother and child.

Beca could see it, and oh god, she would want it to look  _just_  like its mother.

She opened her mouth again, commanding herself to speak but she still had no idea what to say. A small wheeze was all she could manage. So she just looked back, speechless as Chloe rubbed the tip of her nose against Beca’s, making her eyelashes flutter and her head spin.

So close.

“Okay!” Chloe gave her a big, sloppy kiss on the lips, the same kind she  _always_  gave her and hopped down. Beca blinked stupidly and it took her a second to remember how to lower her suddenly empty and lonely arms to her sides. “I can’t stay! I have to go tell Nicholas!”

_Nicholas_. Beca hated how she still said his whole name as though he were the most amazing thing in the world, as though  _he_  were the  _inventor_ of sliced bread and not just the fucking bread itself. It’s not Nick, or Nickie or...whatever the fuck the Nicholas’ of the world go by these days; no, it’s always  _Nicholas_. Douchy, stupid faced, brunette hair shining in the sun, white teeth sparkling when he smiled, dimpled Nicholas.

Chloe flashed her that resplendent smile, running her hand down Beca’s arm until she could squeeze her palm with open affection and wink, “I just wanted you to be the first to know that there is a bun in this oven! Whoo!” Beca smiled habitually at the little booty dance that Chloe did...the same one that Chloe did the first night they hung out together...the same one that Chloe has done a million times since Beca’s freshman year of college, whenever she was excited really. Beca had always found it to be so silly, so funny and so sexy...

But this time she saw it and laughed a moment too late. Chloe didn’t seem to notice though, scooping down to pick up the positive test. She tossed another wink over her shoulder at Beca and started hopping down the stairs, back toward her car.

Beca barely managed a small, “Bye.” Normally she would call a joke after her best friend, something about being careful driving or – ‘good job on the successful baby making’ or – something – but nothing was coming to mind right now. Everything was just...blank...numb...broken.

 

Then her hand was automatically closing the door because - that’s what comes next, right? Closing the door? That’s what she should do? Maybe?

She knew this day was coming, she had known it since the wedding...because that was how  _that_  definitely worked...right? ‘First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the love of her life with a baby carriage’; at least that’s what they were taught in grade school anyway.

She turned and leaned heavily against the door, thankful for its dependable sturdiness. ‘Ha!’ The thought crossed her mind and she almost laughed, ‘That’s not all, that’s not all, here comes Beca drinking alcohol.’ She let out a bubble of almost-giggle but it dried before it could pass her lips.

She  _knew_  this was the next step...despite, you know, that um,  _thing_  that had happened in the bathroom at Chloe’s wedding...so...why did she feel like someone had just reached in and ripped out her windpipe?

A pain in her chest let her know that she was holding her breath so she released it and pulled in a long shuddering gasp as her butt finally hit the carpet with a thud. She took another breath but to no avail, the action brought her no relief.

The pain was still there.

She...Beca Mitchell...she was Chloe’s best friend. All through college, all through dating and love lives and gossip...all through competitions and fights...through their move to L.A., through marriage...she had  _always_  been Chloe’s best friend. No matter what she needed Beca had always been there by her side...just like her love for Chloe had always been there for Beca...like a drowning weight around her neck.

Chloe was pregnant. She was going to have a  _baby_. Chloe was going to have a Nicholas baby. It was going to have Chloe’s beautiful eyes and Nicholas’ stupid perfect teeth.

 

Beca had always been there for Chloe...but suddenly she knew, as the first few tears slipped down her cheeks, she knew that she couldn’t be anymore.

She just - she couldn’t.

Her heart hurt. It  _hurt_  like a sore muscle after years and years of contracting and expanding, years of torture and neglect.

She had watched her date that tool, she had watched her marry that tool, she had even sung at her damn wedding...but she couldn’t watch her have that tool’s baby, she just...no...

She pulled in another rasping breath and the tears broke free, fast and hot on her cheeks, wracking her body as her fingers dug into the carpet beside her until it hurt, her whole body hitching as she spasmed out the sobs.

Oh god. It was time…it was time to let Mrs. Nicholas Cavanaugh go.


	2. Chapter 2

_:dododo-lo-do-da-do-da-do-da do do - dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do - dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do:_

 

Beca groaned into her pillow, groggy and confused. The hell was that? It took her a long while, probably far too long to realize that her cell phone was buzzing somewhere in the depths of her sheets. “Wha? Why?” No one ever called her this early! P.J. wouldn’t even be up yet, she was sure of it. EZ would still be comatose. Whyyyyyy?

 

_:dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do - dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do:_

 

Annoying. Why was her ringtone so annoying? Why were  _all_  ringtones since the beginning of time annoying?

Okay, okay, it was not exactly her ringtones fault, but right now she hated the stupid sound.

Her hand shot out, accidentally smacking Hunny hard in the arm. Hunny let out a hurupmh and flipped over, covering her face with a pillow despite the sunglasses that were already firmly in place over her eyes, “Oh my god, answer your fucking  _phone_!”

A whine escaped from Beca’s parched throat as she finally pulled her face out of her puddle of comatose hangover drool and cracked an eye, “Ugh god.” As always, she too had been wise enough to put her sunglasses on before falling asleep, still the muted light sent sharp pain straight to her temples and made her stomach roll.

 

_:dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do - dododo-la-da-do-da-do-da do do:_

 

“Beca!”

“I’m trying!” She shuffled around for a minute, trying to move as little as possible. Why was her head so  _heavy?_  Finally her hand connected, somewhat painfully, with the vibrating device down at her kneecap. She let her head release with a sigh and pulled it up, trying twice before succeeding in triggering the ‘accept’ button.

“Goooooood morning!”

Beca immediately yanked the phone away from her ear, the chipper voice making her wince.

“Is this Rebeca Mitchell?”

Beca rolled onto her back with a groan and fumbled one handed on the nightstand for a cigarette and lighter, knocking an empty bottle to the floor with a crash. Hunny let out another grunt and sent a kick her way, making Beca yelp and kick back. “Dude, violence!”

She manhandled a cigarette from the package, placed it between her lips the wrong way at first, filter facing out and almost lit it before realizing her mistake in the nick of time and flipped it. That...was something you don’t do twice...or four times...whatever. “Yeah, this is Beca. Who is this?” Why was she even asking? She already knew. This  _had_  to be something about the Bellas...no one else but a Bella person was this happy this early. I mean, come on it was only, she lifted her head as best she could to look at her alarm clock and realized that it was - oh - almost noon.

Still!

“Hello, Beca! This is Phoebe Hodgekiss, president of the Barden Bella Alumni Association.” The woman practically sang her title and it made Beca wince again.

Yup. Called it.

She let out a grunt of acknowledgment and softly smacked at Hunny, handing over the cigarette. Hunny took it, barely removing the pillow. “What can I do for you, Ms. Hodgekiss?” She had to bite back a groan as she forced herself up to a sitting position, her head swimming. Once she was there she flopped her arms out over her legs with a huff, her heart racing in her chest as though she had just run a mile. God, she needed to quit smoking while there was still time.

Time for what? She didn’t know.

Okay, yes, she was hungover most mornings; it was true; that was just a downside of ‘the life’. But in her defense, this was a really bad one and this woman’s fake cheerfulness was going to make her sick all over her bed if she wasn’t careful. Though, she was not completely convinced that was the hangover. That might have just been Phoebe Hodgekiss.

Hunny whimpered something unintelligible, a sign she was trying to hand back the cigarette and then flopped back onto her stomach, hiding from view the moment it left her hand.

“Well Beca, I’m calling because we have some exciting news!”

“Oh yeah?” She kind of doubted that whatever this woman had to say it would be anything actually ‘exciting’. Odds were this was another plea for donations or some shit like that. She took another puff and reached for the nearest somewhat full bottle on the nightstand next to her. She took a huge swallow, grimacing at the burn and the hard roll her stomach gave before the rocky seas began to smooth over in proper hair of the dog style.

“As you know this year’s Barden Bella reunion will be held on the eighteenth of June-” Beca zoned out, letting her hangover take her. Ooooh, right, it was May, wasn’t it? The annual Bella reunion was coming up. She also should have expected this call.

“Wait, what? I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” The words ‘World Championship’ had caught her attention.

“I said as you also know,” Phoebe huffed with a little less steam than before, “this year is the fourth anniversary of your World Championship win in Denmark and as the competition is held every four years, this year the title will be passed on to another team.”

“Oh, errrr, right.” God, she hadn’t thought about that, had she? Weird. I mean, no big deal or anything but - a sliver of jealousy rumbled in her empty stomach and she had to shake her head at herself. Okay, Bec, chill out. Don’t be stupid. No one can ever take that title away from you. You will always be the captain of the first American team to win it – with an all women team at that.

“And while we are all sad to see it go,” Phoebe’s jolly was back running at full steam ahead, “we have decided to dedicate this year’s reunion to the 2012 Bella team!”

“You never know, Ms. Hodgekiss, maybe the new Bellas will keep it in the family,” Beca said, lighting another cigarette simply to have something to do with her hands.

“ _That’s_  the spirit, Beca! The board has been a little, well let’s just say dispirited as of late, but perhaps we just need to take a lesson from you and remember our Bella pride. You know,”

Beca’s eyes rolled, it was early and she needed to get up and get ready for work soon, “I’m sorry but, um, what can I do for you, Ms. Hodgekiss?”

“Well dear,” Beca did not miss the new Junior League-esqe bite to her tone but that’s all right, she was kind of used to that. She was not a sunshine and flowers girl and people hate that about her; especially Bellas people. I mean, she was not like - “as the captain we were hoping that we could convince you to attend. Now, we know you told our volunteer last year  _and_ the year before that it is simply not feasible for you to fly to wherever the event is being held with your busy work schedule, but I am pleased to say that this year the reunion will be held right there in sunny Los Angeles! Oh, we’re all so excited for an excuse to visit the beaches!”

Beca was laughing before the woman even finished her sentence. She should have known this was what the call would be; she got this one annually too. Though usually the call was from a volunteer or some low-level Bella staff. They must really want her this year if the president of the association was calling, “I’m sorry Ms. Hodge-”

“Everyone will be there, dear. You simply must come.”

That made the laughter die in her throat, “Everyone? As in... _all_  my Bellas?” She had never even considered going to one of the mixer...reunion...things, not even for a second, she had always kind of thought why bother? The first year post college the Bellas had all agreed they would not go and instead would meet for Chloe’s wedding and from what she could see none of her Bellas had ever attended after that. Well, that’s not true, Aubrey was always at the front and center of every annual photo, but that was not the point.

“Every single one! Some will be flying from quite far, as I hear it.”

For the briefest of moments, Beca imagined what it would be like to have a drink with Fat Amy, Cynthia Rose, Stacie and all the rest of them. She knew how hard she would laugh and how great it would be, but then there was a sudden flare of red across her imagination and the words were coming out of her mouth before she could stop it, “Noooooooo. No way.”

“Oh no,” Phoebe let out a sad sigh, laying it on thick, “But you will be missing such a wonderful chance to catch up with your old teammates. I’m sure they would all be so excited to see you!”

Catch up? Fuck that, who needed a reunion now that Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter and Tumblr existed? No one ever lost touch! She had all of her Bellas - and Aubrey – and for some inexplicable reason Alice - on both her personal Facebook page as well as her professional one,  _plus_ Emily only lived like ten minutes away. They were all there at her fingertips and they were all highly active on their accounts too. She saw  _all_  of their food pictures, memes, and rants; okay, all but one stupid redheaded co-captain who was basically technologically illiterate, but whatever, they were all right there if she needed them.

Her stomach gave a small, guilty lurch at the thought. When was the last time she had spoken to  _any_  one of them besides her little Flashlight? She and Emily were great friends, she saw that adorable little beast constantly but oooooooh, it had been a long time for everyone else, hadn’t it? Shit. “I uh…”

“There is one other matter I would like to discuss with you before you make your decision. Each year we hand out various awards to a few deserving Bellas.”

“‘Kay...”

“This year we have decided that  _you_  are the most deserving of our ‘Most Influential Bella’ award!”

This woman said that like it was the most fucking exciting thing Beca was going to hear all year.

“So what can we do, Miss Mitchell, to convince you to join us? Paid hotel room? You could have a nice little, oh what is the term, stay-cation? With a mini bar? Everyone loves a mini bar! It is crucial that the 2012 Bellas captain is present this year.”

It wasn’t even a question. No.  _Hell_  no. Would seeing the Bellas again be great? Sure, totally. She missed her nerds and all that, but there was no way in  _hell_ she was about to willingly walk her happy ass into a room where...she...would be. That would be throwing away two years of hard work and for what? Nope. Nope, nope, and all the nopes. That was just asking for trouble that she didn’t freaking need.

“Errrr,” beside her the radio piped up, her usual alarm clock warning her that it was officially time to get up and get her ass moving, “I uh, I’m not sure, Ms. Hodgekiss. I’ll have to get back to you.”

It was a struggle to get the perky woman off the phone but when she finally did she flopped onto her back with a groan.

She didn’t even need to think about this, right? It wasn’t even a question. She wasn’t going to go. No way. Right? Right?! She wasn’t  _that_ stupid.

She just...she didn’t have the time, not even for one evening. Not right now. Nope. So what was the point of driving herself crazy with this?

 

The month she and the other Bellas had won in Denmark had been a freakin’ big one for Beca. Graduation...Worlds... she and Emily had sold ‘Flashlight’... Emily had made her realize she was a lesbian...she had broken up with her boyfriend of three years… _and_  she had been offered her current job here in Los Angeles. Big freaking things for Beca...and Emily and Chloe she supposed, since Emily had gained an awful lot from selling their song including a future album deal which had only just released a few months before; and, not having anything else planned for herself, Chloe had followed Beca to L.A.

Thankfully, Beca hadn’t entered the new label, ‘Moment One Recordings’, as a nobody like before. Sammy was a little intense and kind of an egomaniac but he and ‘Flashlight’, had launched her from a coffee grabber to a legitimate part of the producer team from the get go. In the last few years, Beca’s career had only grown from the ‘I have an idea, no really, just sack up and give me a chance’ girl to ‘senior assistant within the label’- which was a fancy way of saying number two to the head honcho. Basically, she ran the smaller studio on the lot, in charge of a number of the label’s smaller clients, the ones that had not gained enough popularity to be acknowledged by her boss, P.J. She was their lone producer, which was great, totally great. But she was also the number two, which meant that she had to get P.J.’s approval for everything she did and she was also in charge of keeping P.J’s bigger names happy outside of the studio and they were some demanding assholes. They all were demanding assholes…especially her newest client EZTeez.

So she didn’t have time for a night with the Bellas. Not when her schedule usually kept her at the studio all day with  _her_  clients and then out all evening making them happy, attending parties, and openings - basically doing all the things that P.J didn’t want to do.

She just couldn’t squeeze it in….and that  _totally_ wasn’t an excuse or anything...well...mostly….kind of...

Okay, yes…there was a good chance that Chloe was….really freaking mad at her - claw her eyes out with her bare hands kind of mad. It was true that Beca hadn’t exactly told her to fuck off or anything, but Beca also hadn’t, you know, been a friend to her. She had been handed her first solo client about the time that Chloe had announced her coming baby and Beca had...just kind of ‘gotten lost in work’. She had become ‘too busy’ to pick up the phone or to go out or come over. The times when Chloe had angrily showed up at her door Beca had been ‘at the studio’ even if she had really been on the other side of the door, makeup-less and eating a pint of ice cream through her tears. It was about then that she had picked up smoking, as a matter of fact.

She had just gotten too busy for a social life, Chloe had to understand that, right? Maybe she wouldn’t actually be mad, maybe she totally got it and it wasn’t a big deal.

Then again, when Chloe had announced that Nick had gotten a job with a law firm in Henderson, Nevada it wasn’t as though Beca had tried to see her to say goodbye. Actually...if she were being entirely honest, she had kinda taken the time to throw herself into a few new clients instead, taking on so much that she had been on the breaking point for months. It had done wonders for her career, it had been the reason why EZ had been placed in her lap, but it also meant that 98% of Chloe’s phone calls had gone unanswered. As a matter of fact, it meant that the day of Chloe’s move had come and gone without Beca even noticing. It wasn’t until three days later she that she had realized it was already over.

That had brought on a crying jag that was so unlike her it had been a bit scary.

But that was nearly two years ago now, give or take a few months. Two very long years since that day in the doorway of her apartment; two very long years since she had seen her best friend and, thus far, unrivaled love of her life. Sometimes it was still strange to think about that, how had it been so long? Was Chloe really off somewhere just outside of Vegas with a husband and one - maybe two kids right now?

Two years and that stupid beautiful face was still one that she thought of daily which, alright, they say that it takes you half the time of a relationship to move on so...she was in love with Chloe for, what, like seven years? She was doing okay. She still had another year or two before she had no choice but to start calling herself pathetic.

Only, she groaned and covered her face with her hands, letting out a huge puff of air because in reality there  _was_  no relationship – there had never been a relationship - so this whole thing was pathetic.

Pathetic and sad and she was a total loser.

“The hell was that?” Hunny grumbled, finally pulling herself up, her makeup smeared down her cheeks and her hair knotted and matted.

If only the cameras could see Hunny now, like this. They would have a field day!

“Some Bellas thing.”

“Whadya mean?”

Beca groaned again just because it felt good and explained quickly, forcing herself up to start getting ready for a shower.

 

She should have known what Hunny’s reaction would be. She was halfway through shampooing her hair and singing to herself when her reality TV star girlfriend stepped in behind her. “You have to go.”

“What?” Beca yelped, turning her head so quickly that a glob of bubbles dropped into her eye, making her yelp.

She totally should have known. She and Hunny might not have the best relationship...or the most traditional...but the one thing Hunny  _loved_  to hear Beca talk about was the Bellas and the Trebles. They didn’t have a lot in common, but anytime they were together and things got boring or weird, Hunny would just ask for another story and Beca would supply with only a tiny show of reluctance. She was fairly sure that stories of MuffGate and Amy walking bow legged for the weeks following had been the thing that had put their first date over the edge from good to great. Hunny had laughed until she cried and Beca had loved reliving her days with her girls.

“Oh come on, Bec, you  _have_  to go! They’re all gonna be there.”

She stared at Hunny’s evil little smile and then let out a snort, “You so just want to meet Aubrey!”

“Well!” The smile grew, “Can you blame me? She’s hot. She’s got some walls that I wanna tear down.”

“You’re a freak. And for the record, just because we are not a real thing, like at all, does not mean you get to sleep with Aubrey. Gross. I already told you, no fucking my friends.”

“You don’t think she’s hot? Come on, she can’t be  _that_ straight. And even if she is, bro, no one is too straight for Hunny.”

“I dunno, Hun, I like to think of Aubrey as a being free of sexual desire...like a tree or a vomity pinecone. Let’s just keep it that way, yeah?”

“Becaaaaaaa! You have to go! I wanna meet them and I can’t unless you go.”

“Nu-uh! You can totally go. I’ll give you the date and time and-”

“Come on, Be-c”

“Hunny, I swear to god you call me Be-caw and no sex for you!” Why had she told Hunny about that? God, who was more annoying, her ex-boyfriend or the woman currently in her shower? Why did she keep sleeping with incredibly annoying people? At least this one had the right genitalia.

Ew. Did she just say genitalia?

“Come on! I wanna see if Lilly speaks now...or if Stacie is as hot you say. Plus, you know Em is going to go and you can’t leave her hanging.”

“She’ll have literally ALL of my Bellas  _and_  all of the Bellas that came after us – plus the current Bellas. That’s like fifty people,” she cried, aggressively washing out her hair. “Uggggh, why are we still talking about this?”

Hunny bit her lip, her eyes narrowing and making Beca’s eyebrows raise. She didn’t know what Hunny was about to do, but she was sure -whether she wanted to or not - she’ll have agreed to go by the time she left for work that day.

Alright.

_Fine._

_Whatever._

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Maybe it would even be fun.

Of course it would be fun, her Bellas were the shit.

But maybe...well...she would have to play the rest of it by ear.

 

****

 

“Chloe! Good mor - oh, Chloe  _really_!”

“Marcy! Hi! Wha-” Chloe looked down at the loose fitting tank top and yoga shorts, not entirely sure what Marcy’s appraising eye was telling her was wrong with them. Were her shorts too short? Her shirt too pink? She had no idea, but she knew it could literally be anything.

“Is this really how you want your students to see you?” The tall brunette asked, sweeping by her and into the house without so much as a second glance.

“My students are ten!”

The woman dropped her purse on the couch and turned on her with a sigh, “Ten year olds have mothers, dear.”

“Right.” She never knew how to react in these moments with Nick’s mother so she just clicked on a smile, “Okay, well, I have a student so…” she took a hesitant step back toward her studio.

“Why are you so out of breath?”

This time Chloe’s grin was true, “We’re learning scales through movement” but the grin faded quickly when Marcy didn’t react. Nick made that same face when he didn’t know what to do with her. She didn’t really care for the maternal version of it either. “Okay.”

She turned and started down the hall to the little studio in the back of the house, pausing for a second to soundlessly click the second door to the right closed with a glance back over her shoulder. It was always better if  _that_  door stayed closed when Marcy was here.

“Alexandra! How are we going to sing if you’re lying on the floor like that?” She cried as she closed the door behind her and shut Marcy safely out of her little world.

 

There was another fifteen minutes of giggles as she and Alexandra jumped from place to place, singing in the proper order and doing the required dance for each note. She even let Alexandra stay a few minutes late, avoiding her living room, but finally the girl’s mother was here and they had to call it quits.

“She did super awesome today!” Chloe proudly announced to Alexandra’s mom when they met at the front door.

“Oh I’m so glad! She always has so much fun when she’s here.”

“Awww, me too! High five!” She gave the girl’s hand a small smack and then waved them away, calling, “I’ll see you in class, Lydia” before taking a deep breath and plastering that same large smile back onto her face. She turned and started toward her kitchen.

She hated this! She hated when her first life was interrupted by her second, let alone - god forbid - her  _third_.

This was  _her_  time. Why was Marcy here? Chloe still needed to get in her run and shower before Nick came home, but she didn’t see how that could possibly happen now that she had company.

In her kitchen her mother-in-law was sitting over a freshly made cup of tea, waiting none too patiently. “What’s up, Marcy?” She sat down across from her, pulling her curls up into a sloppy knot.

“Oh nothing, sweetheart, nothing at all. I just wanted to come by and bring you these.”

“Alfalfa tablets?” Chloe frowned.

“Yes, I read an article last week about how they help with  _infertility_.”

“Oh.”

Right. She probably should have known that something like this would be why Marcy was here. It was all Marcy talked about these days...actually it was all Marcy had talked about for three years. ‘My son needs a namesake’, ‘Cavanaugh women always have a large number of babies’, and so on, and so on, and so on. Actually that was all  _anyone_ talked to her about anymore, her friends, her family, even Nick; it was all pregnancy related as though if it were brought up enough - she might successfully hold one. People brought her DVD’s, tapes, pamphlets, strange foods, and anything else they could think of to help the poor childless Cavanaugh’s. It was her whole life now.

She loved babies, she loved children and soft toys and being maternal to literally anything that needed it, that was who she was but…

It didn’t feel good.

It was like she wasn’t a person anymore; she was just a walking, talking empty womb.

“We’re not infertile, Marcy; you know that. The doctor said that we’re both healthy and we just need to stop worrying about it.” She said it in her usual high-pitched, cheery tone; the way she had rehearsed it over and over again, saying it by rote.

“Of course, of course, I apologize for my wording,” Marcy sighed with a wave of a manicured hand and her usual severe  _lack_  of remorse.

Chloe bit her lip and glanced at the clock.

“Somewhere you have to be?”

“Oh, um, no.”

‘Stop worrying about it’. Every time she remembered her doctor’s kindly old face telling her to ‘stop worrying about it’ she wanted to laugh, and then pace and panic and breathe into a paper bag because - how could she? This whole thing, it was terrible. Nick and Marcy were both so upset. Every time she walked by that second door in her hallway, the room that was still set up from her first lost pregnancy, she panicked. Every time someone brought her a new piece of advice, she panicked. Every time someone shared the news of their new baby, she panicked. Every time she tried to laugh with Nick, be his friend, and the word ‘baby’ got in the way, she panicked.

Or at least...she had...before last year…now it was more of a mild tremor and even that only rocked through her in her second and third life, which was why - she glanced at the clock again and sighed, it looked like life number one really was over for the day.

Chloe felt a familiar twinge of depression as she stood and poured herself a glass of water. Sometimes she missed L.A. Well, in truth, most of the time she missed L.A. There was no pregnancy pressure in L.A. She didn’t have to live three lives in one. Who knows, maybe if she were still in L.A. she could be living just...the one…she could stop living this…

But it was silly to think about that. That  _wasn’t_  her life.

“What time is Nick getting home tonight, sweetheart? I was thinking that we all should go for dinner.”

Chloe’s mind slipped away to a happier place, planning her next lesson with Alexandra. She liked being more physical in her lessons like that; she would have to try her lesson today on her six-year-old student next week. She debated the yoga routine she would use for her next class, nodding along with Marcy as she was supposed to. She always wanted to somehow incorporate the two things, more singing in her yoga class, more yoga in her voice lessons.

It wasn’t until La Roux started singing ‘this time baby, I’ll bulletproof’ over Marcy’s prattling that Chloe was brought back to the present.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that.” She grabbed the phone and frowned. Atlanta? Had Aubrey changed her phone number without warning her? “I’m sorry, I better get this.”

Marcy just waved her hand again.

“Gooood morning! Is this Chloe Cavanaugh?”

“This is.”

“Hello, this is Phoebe Hodgkiss, the-”

“The president of the Bellas Alumni Association?”

“Why yes, dear! My, you have a good memory!”

She couldn’t help the subtle brush of excitement she felt flutter within her; she knew exactly what this phone call was about. “Hello! It’s so nice to hear from you, what can I do for you?”

“Well dear, as you know this year’s Barden Bellas reunion will be held on the eighteenth of June in Los Angeles.”

“I know, I saw it in the newsletter! I love the location. I don’t know who chose Wisconsin the year before but L.A. will be _so_  much more fun.”

“So are you also aware -”

“That you’re getting all of the 2012 Bellas together, yes I am! I already spoke to four of the Bellas and they say they are coming!”

“Wonderful! You’re doing my job for me! So, it sounds like we can count you in then?”

Was she kidding? A full twenty-four hour period to live her first life exclusively? A full twenty-four hour period with her Bellas? She had been looking forward to this all year. She and Aubrey had already booked their room in advance the week before last. “Totes!”

“Wonderful! My goodness, you were much easier to convince than your co-captain.”

Chloe’s bright smile dropped from her lips instantly. “Beca? Beca’s going to be there?” She had assumed the other Bellas would come, they all seemed as eager as she was but she hadn’t even thought twice about Beca. She had just assumed...

“Well, I’m not so sure. It seems she is  _very_  busy. We would love to have her though, so if you could give her a little nudge that would be wonderful.”

“Oh.” Chloe laughed just to hide the tension that was suddenly growing in her stomach. She went to all of the Bellas reunions; she had been going since her freshman year of college. It was a wonderful chance to get away for a while and she loved surrounding herself with all things Bellas. But Beca had never shown, not even once. It wasn’t really surprising; Chloe had been annually forced to  _drag_  her even when they were in school. “Okay, I spoke to Stacie, Jessica, Flo and Cynthia Rose. What about the other Bellas? Have you heard anything from them?”

“To be honest, Chloe, I haven’t called them yet but I feel good about the chances. Though don’t tell Ms. Mitchell that, I told her  _all_ the other Bellas were coming! Let’s hope that is a good enough motivation for her.”

She let out some more fake laughter, “Awesome.”

“Alrighty then, we will see you this summer in L.A.”

“Yes, you will!”

The front door of the Cavanaugh house closed and Chloe heard Nick call for her from the living room, home early.

“We’re in here.”

“Heeey, there are my girls!” He gave her his award winning grin and a quick kiss. “What are you doing here, Mom?”

“Oh, I was just bringing Chloe these tablets.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckled, “Are these going to make her any less of a redhead?”

Chloe knew he was joking but she scowled, smacking him and crossing her arms in agitation. Marcy, her dear, dear  _beloved_  mother in law, had been told once that redheads were naturally less fertile, something about recessive genes. Chloe was sure that was not true but since then her monster-in-law had held on to that as though it explained everything. No, no, I don’t have any grandchildren yet, but don’t blame my son; it’s his wife’s recessive genes.

He chuckled, unimpressed by her glare and squeezed her arm lightly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The three went to an early dinner soon after and then when that was done Marcy finally took her leave. Chloe was grateful, her nerves a little raw, but that meant it was time for a little nightly TV, some clean up and then her third life to begin - all before she had been ready and expecting it which – that did make it a little harder.

When it was over she laid awake next to her sleeping husband for a while, staring up at the ceiling.

She had met Nick, steady, reliable Nick less than a month after she had followed her best friend from Georgia to California. He had been a young up and coming attorney and she had been a music teacher, teaching children without choir in their schools out of a downtown YMCA. It hadn’t been love at first sight, but it had most certainly been laughter at first sight and somehow, in its own way, that had always been just as good.

In a whirlwind, they had been married within a year, pregnant less than a year after that and moving to this tiny suburb a few months later. It had all happened so quickly that Chloe still wasn’t sure if she could place how step one had become step five.

Nick was...good, for the most part. He did have his occasional overnight ‘trips to the club’ that she was pretty sure meant nights of sex with his twenty-two-year-old office girl, but otherwise he was a good guy. He provided for her, he made her laugh, he even liked to talk to her.

And yet, Chloe had been miserable.

Yes, their now three year long pregnancy attempt was - difficult, but she was a survivor, and while it might have dulled some of her natural bubbly shine, that wasn’t what had made those years some of the most miserable of her life.

Or maybe saying that the attempted pregnancies were the thing to make her miserable was simply not inclusive enough. It was also the D&C – well the _L &D_ really - at sixteen weeks, just after they moved. It could also be that she had only had her new job here in Henderson, a job she loved, for a few months before her second miscarriage. After that, Nick and Marcy had worked hard to convince her that quitting her job was imperative, insisting she could still teach a few students from home. Guilt had eventually made her cave. It could also easily be the fact that Aubrey was so many states away, or the fact that all of her friends were really just the wives of Nick’s friends and business partners. Perhaps her misery had been so strong because in this life that she had  _somehow_  created for herself, there was no room for Chloe Beale, only Chloe Cavanaugh - and Chloe Cavanaugh was someone that she didn’t know very well. She was so much more serious of a person than Chloe Beale had been. Chloe Cavanaugh didn’t often sing, not outside of lessons; Chloe Cavanaugh rarely, if ever, danced...somewhere along the way her life had taken a hard right and she had simply been along for the ride.

She hadn’t known which of those things it was - she used to think it was a combination of all of the above - until last year.

What happened last year had been like the sky parting and flashing a glorious ray of light on the problem and now...now she understood herself so much better, she understood  _everything_.

She had come home from that trip a changed woman and, because of that, her life had changed as well.

It had split into three.

Her first life was her favorite because her first life was her own. It had taken a few months of self-liberation, but now in her first life she danced while she cooked, she sang while she washed the dishes; she was free because...in her first life she  _knew_ now, she accepted it and she didn’t have to push it down. She was happy...ish, as happy as someone in her situation could be. Plus, her first life was home to all of her ‘distractions’ as she often thought of them; yoga, running, singing, classes, friends and so on.

Her second life wasn’t so bad either, this was the devoted wife stage of the day when she would cook dinner, spend time with Nick and Marcy and she would smile, smile, smile. It  _wasn’t_ bad. She enjoyed Nick, he made her laugh and they could be silly. It was easy enough, really.

The third was, well, it was in the bedroom where she did everything she possibly could to make that damn baby that she had wanted since she was fourteen years old; to give the Cavanaugh line a new member and fulfill her wifely duty.

All of it was exhausting.

Her three faces were exhausting.

A day without that, a day where she could be  _Chloe Beale_  again, that sounded amazing. And she would see her Bellas.

She missed her Bellas. She had always thought that they were sisters for life and she supposed they still were, but it would be nice to  _see_  their sweet faces again, to hear their laughs.

“It’s going to be Aca-awesome.” She whispered into the darkness and then squirmed down into her blankets a little tighter to contain her giggling excitement. She couldn’t wait to see what the years had done to her sisters...and she couldn’t wait to see Aubrey, it had been almost a year...and...Beca.

_Beca_.

She had been thinking about it all day. Now that there was a possibility that Beca might come - she couldn’t get her out of her head...not that she ever could, really.

She missed Beca more than all the others combined.

She missed Beca like she couldn’t believe, like she hadn’t known was possible.

Was it weird that she still thought of her every day? Even after these last few years, she popped into her head as she was stretching and pushing into her yoga poses. She popped into her head when she was humming as she took out the trash. She thought of Beca whenever anything made her laugh. Whenever things got too hard, whenever they got too lonely or depressed she could still close her eyes and hear Beca’s voice in her head, her phantom chuckle as she said, ‘I love you, awesome nerd’; a phrase she had heard time and time again...after years of pushing the emotionally stunted woman with her own friendly love affirmations, that is.

What she wouldn’t give to hear it one more time.

 

She used to be angry at Beca.

Okay, she used to be more than angry at Beca for breaking their promise to never leave one another’s lives, especially after the D&C when she had needed her best friend so entirely, especially through two years of her own personal darkness.

Now she was just sad.

Beca had promised, the few times they had spoken after she had moved, that there was nothing wrong, that nothing had happened and that Chloe was making mountains out of molehills. She had promised that she had simply gotten busy and their lives had trickled apart.

But Chloe had always wondered.

Her hand absentmindedly rubbed at the spot just over her heart as she thought.

She had always wondered if there was a solid - a  _real_  - reason for Beca’s disappearance.

Perhaps, if Beca was there in June, she could use this reunion to finally see, to really know. And to fix it.

She sighed and rolled over into her pillows.

June could not come soon enough.

* * *

 

**Attention:**  
  
So I like to put things up about the things I'm working on, in general, on Tumblr. Sometimes it's memes, sometimes it's art, sometimes it's just random stuff. I'm also always down to answer any Tumblr asks and for those Swen who haven’t heard, I’m giving anon asks a second try. I’m hoping I won’t regret it! Anyway, I'm there under [ioliviajanae](http://ioliviajanae.tumblr.com/). Come track me down!


	3. Chapter 3

Five hours was the perfect amount of driving time for a road trip. Five hours was just enough time to sink into the road and get comfortable, to get through a good chunk of your audiobook, if you’re listening to one, or to sing your way through all of your absolute favorite albums.

Five hours was a perfect amount of time to get your head on properly and to let your excitement build.

Eight was not.

Eight was just long enough to have lost your mind entirely. Eight hours was just long enough to have gone from a sweet, peaceful driver to a raging ball of redheaded fury, slamming on the horn even though the car in front of you was just as stuck as you were.

 _Eight hours_  was long enough for your nervous excitement to morph into worry and fear: what if they don’t like me anymore...what if I’m so late that I miss them...how will I spend this time with them and then just go back to my life like normal?

Eight hours was enough to drive you nuts; especially when you were not even there yet. Especially when you still had two hours according to your phone’s GPS and you knew you were going to be very,  _very_  late.

 

****

 

“Naw, naw, naw, Bex, you don’t get it, man. I don’t mean like the way that Lou Bega sang it when we was chitlins but like, ghetto style, you dig?”

“I don’t-” Beca was sitting at the soundboard with her face in her palms, stumbling over her words because, really? They were doing this again? _Really?_ “How many - ugh - we’ve been over this, Clay. Copyright laws. You can’t just - sing someone else’s freaking song. Plus, it’s not his image, nothing about it is original, and  _you’re not my client_! Clay! So - just go over there.” Oh my god, did she really just send someone to sit in the corner? What the - what the hell was happening to her?

“Awww, come on Bex. ‘A little bit’a Shanti in my life, a little bit’a baby mama by my side, a little bit’a-”

“Dude, I can’t. No. I can’t let him sing about his baby mama; his wife would kill me. I just - I can’t - ughh!”

“We could get him the hat, you know, that pimp ass Fedora and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa now.” EZ took a deep cleansing breath that clearly everyone was supposed to copy, “You piss off House Bex and I’ma find my ass out on the street, ya hear? And that means no more parties for you, bro.” He turned back to Beca with, what she knew was supposed to be, his sweetest smile, “Look, lil’ mama, why don’t you pull on that stog, take out that picture and have a minute, we’re gonna be over here doin’ our thang.”

Beca knew her face was flushed with frustration, it was the unfortunate thing about being Beca Mitchell, she blushed, but upon hearing that, she knew her face dropped completely, defensively, blank, “What picture? I don’t have a picture.”

“Mmmm-hmm.” EZ just gave her a knowing eye as he pulled out a joint to share with his crew.

“Dude, we’ve talked about thi - a - not in here - we need to work - album - ugh, my god, fuck it.” Her forehead planted on some of the free space of the desk.

EZTeez had started out as a small hip-hop artist found in the dumps of L.A. and honestly P.J. didn’t think he would make a splash. L.A. was  _full_ of aspiring rappers and R&B artists; they were a dime a dozen. You found them on street corners, in all of the clubs, hell if you weren’t careful they would move into your backyard like invading locusts or termites. They were slowly but steadily taking over the population of L.A. like Night of The Living Dead.

Yet somehow EZ  _had_  surprised them all by pulling enough traction to get placed with Beca and now, EZ was probably her biggest client...and he liked her. She wasn’t sure he liked her enough that if she walked and created her own label one day soon he would break his contract to join her...but he liked her. So she tried her best to keep him happy, and keeping EZ happy was, well, not difficult per se as much as it was fucking time consuming and bad for her liver. He was the main reason she was out at the club almost nightly. He wanted ‘a pretty little thang’ who would take him out for a good time and ‘show him the sights’. She was pretty sure that ‘show him the sights’ meant sex, which, yeah not happening, but somehow Beca being a lesbian, someone he could check out girls with and yet could  _not_  sleep with actually made him happier with their arrangement. It helped that Hunny was willing to step in every now and then and take care of um...some of the ‘sights’.

She glanced at the men giggling and passing around the joint and decided, fuck it, if they were going to smoke then so was she. She pulled out the cigarette that had been balanced behind her ear and lit it, glaring across the room. P.J. wouldn’t care. He was all about ‘keeping the label fun and trendy’; she would just tell him one of EZ’s crew was smoking if she needed to. It was unprofessional, but P.J. didn’t really command a lot of  _professional_  behavior. As a matter of fact the more ‘freewheelin’’ she could be while turning out amazing music, the happier he was. Every report of the ‘amazing time had with House Bex’ the night before just made him happier and happier.  _Her_  label was not going to be like this, one big party where music happened to be made sometimes; no, Beca Mitchell...she  _had something to say_  and she was going to say it...the second she could get out from under ‘Moment One Recordings’.

You just need a Grammy, Bec, you need a Grammy and then you can walk, open your own label and you won’t just be yet another small time label lost in Tinseltown.

 

Over the live controller she saw the clock and grumbled. She was going to be late if they didn’t finish this shit soon, and yet she knew the more they smoked the less likely they were to finish any time soon.

Stealthily she glanced at the men again and saw that they were thoroughly distracted discussing the possibilities of a ‘ghetto Mambo No. 5’ so she slipped open the bottom drawer of her desk and rummaged around for a minute. Hidden halfway down under some paperwork was the picture she swore she didn’t have. Her fingers reached and softly brushed against the edge, feather light before she picked it up just an inch or so, simply to have it in her hand. Beca could say at a glance the very moment the shot was taken at the I.C.C.A.’s her freshman year, she could say exactly what she had been feeling and why. The photo was an up-close performance candid of herself standing between Aubrey and Chloe, their hands in the air as they all sang their hearts out. It was an important moment and it filled her with pride just to think about, they had kicked ass that night; but that wasn’t why she pulled this picture out from time to time. The moment the photo was uncovered her eyes went right to the point, her best friend, eyes alight from the performance, hair wild as she moved.

The photo...it just made Beca feel better.

She started, feeling eyes on her and looked up. Growling, she slammed the desk drawer closed as EZ caught her eye, “ _I don’t have a photo_.”

“Whateva, you say, lil’ mama, whateva you say.”

She opened her mouth to retort, but whatever was going to come out was cut off by a huge moan from the hallway as the door blew open and Hunny came flying in, her own spliff between her clamped teeth.

“Dude, you can’t just walk around the lot with tha - ugh fuck it.” Beca tried and gave up, all before she even finished her sentence. There was no getting between party-girl Hunny and her substances. That was a love affair that was a tale as old as time.

“There she  _is_! Umm! Look at you, lookin’ good!” EZ called, grinning, his hips gyrating as he sang, “‘A little bit of Hunny in my life.”

Hunny groaned in agitation but fell into his arms, “If you get Bex fired because you _had_  to sing that song then I’m not going out clubbing with you anymore.”

“Alright, alright, no need to make threats.”

Hunny just gave him a lascivious wink and took a hit from between his fingers before puffing on her own and turning on Beca, “We’re going to be late.”

“Yeah, well, we gotta go through it at least one more time. EZ, I gotta go. Seriously.”

“The question is, where you ladies going this fine evening and can I come?”

“It’s uh, err, reunion of my college a cappella team.”

He just stared at her, “For realz? That’s a real thing?”

“Don’t mess with her today, EZ,” Hunny said, “she’ll eat you alive.”

“Eat me alive?”

Beca’s eyes rolled, kicking her feet up so her chair spun her back to the board. She liked Hunny, they had good sex and fun with whatever their weird dating, not dating thing was, but she was also annoying sometimes.

“Alright, tell you what. I’ll leave all that  _eatin’_  to the two of you and get back in there to do my thang.”

“You do that, EZ, you do that.”

 

It took another hour for the studio to empty and by then Beca was tired - and jittery. She still needed to go home and change, but though she had gathered her things to go, the large framed photo on the wall had distracted her. It was all of them, all of her Bellas, in their green robes and yellow stoles, cuddled together outside of the Bellas’ house. It had been the first thing that she had put up in this second rate studio on the lot once it had officially become hers because it reminded her of the good things in life, of where she had been and of the people she loved. Usually she found it calming but tonight...the longer she stared at it the harder her heart was pounding in her chest. Why had she said yes to this? What the hell had possessed her? Oh, that’s right. Hunny. Well fuck. It was true that Hunny had her - ways - of convincing Beca to do almost anything, especially given Beca’s unexplainable  _thing_  for sexy showers but still. It had all come on too soon. How was it already mid-June? It was bullshit how time worked sometimes. It hadn’t given her any warning. It was just suddenly here.

Beca stared at the picture, at all of their happy glowing faces and she realized that her stomach was in guilty knots. Why did she feel so  _guilty_? For not being their leader anymore? They didn’t need a leader anymore. For not, what, seeing them every day? Emily was the only one who lived close enough to visit and they hung out all of the time, she was Hunny’s main drinking buddy. Or did she feel guilty for not being the person she had once been? Because she wasn’t, Beca knew that. She wasn’t the carefree hopeful yet jaded girl they had known a few years ago. She wasn’t the girl who had cried to Fat Amy about not being good enough for her career choice. She just wasn’t. She  _knew_ she could do it now. She was tired and she wanted out. She was tired of the games. She was tired of feeling like she was living in such a precarious spot. She was about to see these awesome women for the first time in a long while tonight and yet all she could think about was the fact that Synergy was dropping their first album that evening and she should be there. She was looking forward to seeing the Bellas...kind of...but Synergy needed her or rather...she needed to kiss Synergy’s ass. Because she needed them…just in case she walked. Ugh. Her job sucked.

“Why do you look like you want to puke all over that photo?”

“Very fucking funny, Hun.”

“Let’s goooo. You’re going to be happy when you see them. Watch.”

“And if I’m not?”

Hunny nibbled suggestively on her ear, “I’ll give you a cookie.”

She watched Hunny start out the door with a scowl on her face and mumbled under her breath, “Better be a big freaking cookie.”

 

* * *

 

It didn’t help anything at all that the lead singer of Synergy called her on the way home mid artistic meltdown. Dave was like a child just learning how to ride a bike; he was good on his own, as long as you were very close by and though they had talked about her absence that evening, it was like he had never been informed.

Synergy had seemed, to P.J., to be the perfect addition to their eclectic label, easy to throw in between the death metal band Blackened Roses and the pop idol Kendra. However when their demo had only done, well, so-so, they had been handed off to Beca - for the most part. She had taken them happily because 90’s throwback grunge was frankly not P.J.’s thing. She had worked her ass off and now their album was anticipated to make a huge splash, thank you very much.

Of course that probably meant that P.J. was going to sweep in any moment and scoop them back away from her. Which was awesome.

“You gotta be there, Bex,” Dave had cried over the phone.

When did everyone start calling her Bex? She wasn’t sure she liked it. Was Beca not sufficient? She blamed Hunny. “I’m sorry, Dave, I’ve got a thing. An important thing!”

“More important than our album?”

“What? Psssh,  _hell no_!” Beca cried, layering on the producer charm; something Sammy had taught her from day one and truthfully had been one of her most valuable lessons. “Nothing is more important than that! History is being  _made_  tonight. Buuuuut, unfortunately I did agree to this thing before I agreed to your thing because your thing was supposed to be next week, remember? You wanted to move it up so that the party could be on a full moon. Don’t worry, Josie is going to take excellent care of you and if I’m done early then I’ll swing by with the Dom!” This seemed to please Dave, but it only made Beca more anxious. “Okay, I’ll try and come by. Alright, Sonic Youth’s got nothin’ on you, Davie. Have fun! Play nicely with the other kids! You’re amazing! Okay! Byyyye!” Beca hung up and frowned, she so didn’t trust her assistant, Josie, to handle everything. Josie was good at paperwork but shit at people.

By the time they got back to her condo, Beca was a grumbling mess, chain smoking and throwing blankly even glares at Hunny whenever she came too close.

She showered quickly, threw on a tank, her favorite jeans, and a red plaid button up; then she paused in front of the mirror to paint her eyes into their usual raccoons. She had strayed from this look a bit as she had gone through college, dressing the part as the Bellas gained success and she began her first internship, but here in L.A. dressing too conservatively was the Georgia equivalent to a split tongue and tattooed lizard scales. She had adopted this look again and found that something about it seemed to comfort the label’s clients, like she was just enough of a rebel to keep their tracks ‘cool’ or something but not so extreme that she scared them. She had also put her ‘ear monstrosities’ back in and gained stud spider bites. Nothing too big, yet it changed everything.

It was all a well thought out plan, each and every part of it.

“You’re going to be late!” Hunny called from downstairs.

“Hey, uh, why don’t you suck it, Hun? Just sayin’. Suck it? That could be cool.”

“You’re still gonna be late!”

“I should be going out with Synergy!” She yelled back and then jumped when Hunny appeared beside her holding out a whiskey bottle. Beca glared for a moment and then snatched it, downing a few shots worth and hissing at the burn.

“Better?”

“Better. Thanks.”

“Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

The nice thing about walking into - well, anywhere with Hunny was that she always pulled focus first. Beca wasn’t famous. She had been shortlisted for a Grammy  _nomination_  – not a freaking Grammy – but a freaking nomination once but she hadn’t actually made the cut. She had been bumped, as a matter of fact, by P.J. - who had lost to some new blonde indie singer. Still, that was her biggest claim to fame.

It was nice to slip into the background while mobs rushed at Hunny. Of course, more often than not there was at least one person in the crowd who knew who she was because she and Hunny were open in Hollywood, but that couldn’t be avoided. She had already spent enough years not telling people that she was gay, she wasn’t going to do it again.

This time however, disappearing behind Hunny wasn’t going to work because inside the hotel convention hall doors, Beca was the ‘famous’ one.

She had recreated a very old team; she had made them champions...well not her alone, of course, but still.

She wished she had paused outside for another cigarette. Maybe she should go back and do that.

“You got this, yo, don’t even worry about it.”

Beca gave her half a smile but didn’t move, that is until suddenly a much larger body than her own was shoving her through the doors, not giving her time to breathe or to ready herself. “AWK! Let go of me! Damn it, why are you so strong? You drink too much and eat too little to be this strong, dammm it lemmie gooooooo” she whined but it was pointless because she was inside.

The first thing that let her know she was at a Bellas event was the wall of perfume. What the hell was it with the uptight Bellas from the days before her team? They had always worn the worst floral perfume, just like half of them still wore their hair in those bouffant Hairspray-wannabe beehives.  _This_ was exactly why the Bellas had needed a change of pace so badly.

Hunny gave a little cough and Beca smirked, “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

There were so many pastels around them; ladies holding little white clutches and martini glasses in their pearls and high heels that, of course, matched their outfit; cream with cream, baby pink with baby pink. Fuck, it was as if stepping through the door had suddenly shot them back fifty years in time. Beca had forgotten about that.

“Rebeca! You made it!”

“Err, Beca.”

“Of course. Sorry. I’m Phoebe Hodgkiss, we’re so glad to see you.” Beca wondered who the ‘we’ was, perhaps Phoebe and her hair.... “And this is...”

“This is my friend, Hunny Brooks.”

“I see! Nice to meet you, dear.” Phoebe stared for just a moment longer before recognition dawned. Beca could, as always, all but see Hunny swell at the attention, “Oh, you’re on that show! The one with the teenagers trying to live together under one roof and, goodness, no one can get along, can they? Oh, what’s it called?” Phoebe smiled and scooted closer as though about to give away a huge secret, “That show is a guilty pleasure of mine. I watch it whenever my husband has to work late.”

Hunny laughed, “That’s great! I’m so glad you like the show, though, um, none of us are teenagers. You must be yay old to ride Hollywood.” Hunny gave her a small nod, measuring out her own height.

Beca coughed into her hand to cover her laugh.

“Oh, you know what I mean. When you get to be my age suddenly everyone seems so young. How do you all handle living in such close quarters like that?”

“Um, well,” Hunny was looking at the woman as though she felt bad for her, “we don’t  _actually_  live together. As a matter of fact, the show is far more scripted than you would think. We all get along great off camera...for the most part.”

“Really?” Phoebe asked, eyes wide, scooting in even closer so that her stiff hair bumped Hunny’s chin.

Beca rolled her eyes, playing nervously with her fingers. She felt like a sitting duck standing there just inside the door. “Okaaay, you two have fun. I’m gonna go and - yeah -” She left Hunny talking with Phoebe Hodgkiss and started toward the bar, glancing nervously around her.

A drink. She needed a drink before she -

A small grin crept onto her face the moment she saw them. Of course she should have assumed all of the people under fifty would be standing around the bar. It was exactly where she planned on planting herself, after all. They were all there, Fat Amy, Stacie, Cynthia Rose, Lilly, Jessica, Ashley, Flo and even Emily. All of her Bellas were huddled together, talking and laughing with their backs to her, as well as a number of other young girls who had to be the current or Emily’s Bellas.

A flash of powerful relief start to course through her veins; why had she been nervous? Seeing them now she felt a bubble of affection rise up so strong that she wanted to run at them and throw her arms around them. Instead she planted her feet and, arms out wide, she called, “Where are my aca-bitches?”

The effect was instant. Amy made it to her first, picking her up and swinging her around, then she was in a scrum of Bellas all screaming her name and hugging, passing her back and forth like a rag doll. “Jesus Christ!”

She couldn’t make out anything they were all saying, everyone talking over one another so she just smiled and smiled.

She had barely landed on her feet again when she heard, “Beca!”

She spun, excitement high in her throat and grinned at the tall blonde making her way through the crowd, “Aubrey!” Last time they had seen one another they had run into one another’s arms, hugging and all but crying. They had become such good friends after, well, hating one another. But that had been just over two years ago when she had come to L.A. for a business meeting. Seeing her now, Beca realized - when was the last time she had heard from Aubrey? Beca also couldn’t help, but to notice that this time she was the only one doing the running. Still, she went into Aubrey’s arms willingly and noted that she received something that was more like half a hug.

Okaaaay…

“Hmmm,” Aubrey said, giving her that look, that stupid fucking look she had seen all of freshman year, “You look tired, Beca.” Ugh, she even said her name in that stupid slow way that Beca had hated.

She frowned, confused, “Great to see you too, Brey.”

“Hells yeah it is!” Cynthia Rose grinned, throwing her arm over Beca’s shoulder and leading her back to the bar. This grin Beca held was genuine as she was happily led back to the bar, but out of the corner of her eye she was looking. No! She wasn’t looking. She was, err, just looking around. Perusing….taking in the scene, if you will, or - err -

Phoebe had said  _all_  her Bellas were coming, but she supposed that maybe she didn’t fall into that category...even though she had been her captain for three of her seven years,  _maybe_  she could be called Alice’s Bella as well – or even Aubrey’s - but really, she had been with her so much longer. She had even been her number two, her co-captain.

Beca had picked up her phone to call Phoebe Hodgkiss a handful of times over the last few weeks, simply to ask for a specific list of names of people who had RSVPed; the whole ‘all your Bellas’ shit not cutting it. But she had lost her nerve every single time because she wasn’t really sure she had wanted to know.

Beca took a seat at the bar, the Bellas lining up beside her all grinning and talking a mile a minute.

“Oh my god!” Stacie suddenly grabbed her arm, “Is that Hunny Brooks? Oh my god, what is Hunny Brooks doing at a Bellas reunion? She wasn’t a Bella, was she? How did I never know she was a Bella?”

Beca opened her mouth to explain but before she could Hunny was squealing, “Oh my fucking god, it’s so nice to meet you all! Fuck-a-duck, this is so great!”

All the Bellas just stared at her blankly, shocked.

“Uh guys, this is Hunny, she’s uh, we’re uh, she’s with me.”

“No shit!” Cynthia Rose bellowed, giving Beca a newly appraising eye, “I heard you came out ‘nshit, but damn, girl!”

“I don’t know who this person is, but you know who she looks like?” Flo asked and then there was a shuffling behind her and she went quiet, she and Ashley suddenly looking pointedly in opposite directions.

There was a beat of silence and in that moment insecurity clicked into place. Beca felt her producer charm bubble to the surface, an automatic reflex these days, “Alright, who needs some dranks!?” If she had learned anything since her first internship it was how to create a party and make someone feel important.

 

Catching up with the Bellas was better than Beca could have ever thought it would be. How had she forgotten how funny and cool these girls were? They really were the shit. How had she survived without them? That was just crazy.

She bought a round of drinks and a round of shots for everyone and then another a bit later while they layered story over story, calling jokes to the others and laughing, always laughing. That was the thing about college, wasn’t it? It had always been so easy to laugh.

When she ordered a third round of shots, fuck it, Emily was here so she could call it a business expense, she took one specifically to Aubrey who was staying on the fringe of the group, sometimes mingling with them, other times mingling with other people in the room.

“Brey? For old time’s sake?” Beca held it up, plus one for herself with her most charming smile, “I know we haven’t talked much lately but-” She had to hold on to that smile tightly as Aubrey’s arms crossed and she looked down at her, cutting her off completely.

“Not all of us  _do_  shots,  _Beca_.”

Beca just stared at her friend for a moment, understanding that they were - apparently - not okay, “Yeah, I guess that’s an Alt girl thing, isn’t it?” Aubrey was mad at her, for what, she had no idea. Okay...maybe she had  _some_  kind of idea. She felt her eyes roll as she sighed, tipped the first shot toward her former captain in a silent toast and then downed both as she headed back to her seat.

Whatever. She didn’t really have time for that. In and out, Beca, in and out.

Maybe if she just ignored Aubrey for a while someone else would ply her full of alcohol and then they would talk. As a matter of fact, Beca chuckled once as she watched Hunny take a very fluffy looking drink from the bartender and start toward the statuesque blonde. Maybe it would be Hunny. Oh god, she would kill Hunny if she walked in on them in the bathroom later that night. As far as Beca knew Aubrey was straight, but so was spaghetti until you got it wet.

Uuuuhhhhh, stop thinking things like that!

“So Beca,” Jessica turned to her with a toothy grin, “we were talking about it before and none of us knew. Where’s Chloe? She’s coming, right?”

“Yeeeah,” Amy insisted, slamming another shot, “there’s no way she would miss this.”

Beca didn’t like the way her heart jumped into her throat just then. She tried, unsuccessfully, to clear it away and signaled for another round for the group.

“Aye! These are coming faster than I can drink them!” She heard Flo whine behind her.

She supposed she should have assumed that it would come up eventually, but she had begun to hope that perhaps she really would get in, see her Bellas, make some memories and leave, all before Chloe arrived...or was even brought up.

“Awwwe,” Ashley sighed before Beca could speak, “Chloe. I really miss her! What’s been up with her? I swear I  _still_ miss her hugs whenever I’m sad.”

Beca felt a flush beginning in her cheeks. Damn it. “I don’t really know, guys.” She took her shot and looked up, jumping when she saw all Bella eyes on her, “Uh, what?”

“What’d ya mean you don’t really know? She’s coming, right? When’s she supposed to get here?”

“Why would you guys assume I would know what’s up with Chloe? I mean,” she let out a tense chuckle, “I’m not her keeper or anything.”

“No, seriously Bec, when is she supposed to get here? These drinks are going to my head and I don’t want to get too drunk before I see her,” Stacie shook out her hair and gave her an eyelash fluttering grin.

“Guys! I don’t know! Errr, I uh, I’m not exactly sure  _if_ she’s coming. Phoebe said everyone was coming, but I don’t know if she meant her too. I don’t know. She and I don’t - really talk anymore.”

“Who, you and Phoebe?” Amy asked, licking salt from her hand.

“Chloe and - I.”

The gasp that came from her friends made her jump yet again. Jesus, drama much?

“Whaaaa? I thought Bloe would be together forever. Did you have a fight? Just buy her some chocolates and it will be fine. That’s what Bumper does for me when he forgets to put the kids down early so we can have a little daddy and mommy time.” Amy said with a giggle, taking one of the shots in front of Flo and biting into a lime.

“What? No! Just, you know, life and stuff. So uh, yeah no, I dunno if she’s coming or -”

“Oh,  _she’s coming_ , Beca.” Aubrey had apparently just joined their group again. Beca looked up to see her staring down at her, lips pursed around the long straw of the fruity concoction that Hunny had put in her hand, “She’s just running late but I think that she’s _really_  excited to see  _you_.”

Their gazes held steady for a few beats, Aubrey giving her that stupid look of authoritative disapproval that Beca had always hated. A sudden desire to yell ‘you don’t have the pitch pipe anymore, Aubrey’ rushed through her and Beca had to look away, wondering if she knew just how much that sentence had fucked with her head.

Was she really looking forward to seeing her? Oh shit.

 

It was like the air was starting to leak from her balloon. Before the reunion, Beca had almost convinced herself that she didn’t care if she saw Chloe. It had taken some work but she had finally decided that it might be fine. No big deal. They would see one another, catch up for a few minutes and then spend the rest of the night with the other Bellas and move on.

She had to. If she hadn’t decided that it was no big deal then there would have been no way she would be there; none at all.

Then she had arrived and she had seen the Bellas and the absence of her former best friend was such a giant, glaring elephant in the room that it was starting to make her panic. She had ignored it at first but it was becoming a highly persistent whine.

The longer the absence sat there, abscessing, the more uncomfortable Beca got and therefore the more she drank.

The awards were given out and Beca accepted hers, touched but stumbling a bit under Aubrey’s fire-like glare. Beca’s success with the Bellas had always been a sore spot for Aubrey, which she never understood because Beca was sure that the Bellas would never have won against Das Sound Machine without Aubrey’s retreat, but whatever. Standing in front of the group like that, holding her little plaque for most influential Bella years 2012 - 2016, the elephant only grew. She could imagine her face, had nothing changed between them, glowing with pride. She could imagine the way she would have smiled, hands clasped in front of her as she bounced ever so slightly on the tips of her toes. This was just as much Chloe’s win as hers.

‘She’s really looking forward to seeing you’, the fuck? Yeah, no, this - this wasn’t happening. She had to go. She couldn’t just sit here and wait. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t face this. No. So much no. She was outta here. She didn’t really want to leave the Bellas, she wanted more time but she was not about this at all. If only they were going to be in town for a little longer, then she could see them...elsewhere...and relax.

She headed back to the bar, checking the time and searching for Hunny. It was getting late and her stress level was high. She ordered another shot, letting herself laugh with Amy despite the ball of tension in her gut. Where the hell was Hunny? Aubrey was over there so it wasn’t - that.

She debated another shot but decided it wasn’t a good idea. She was hitting the alcohol far harder than she normally would have done knowing she might end up at the club later for Synergy.

Synergy! That was it!

“Hey guys, have any of you heard of the band Synergy?”

Emily whipped around, guilt on her face. Apparently Beca’s generous supply of drinks was doing its job because she groaned and came over to lean heavily into Beca’s side, her head falling to her shoulder, “I’m so supposed to be at that party too.”

“Oh yeah? P.J.’s gonna kick your hot little drunkie ass then.”

“I knoooow.” Emily groaned, “But Dave really wants to - you know, and I have a boyfriend. Plus, he has weird facial hair. It’s gross. I really don’t want to kiss something that looks like a vagina.”

“Damn, Legacy, you’ve changed.” Cynthia Rose sighed, shaking her head.

Emily seemed to realize what she had said and gave a little yelp, her hand closing over her mouth.

“Wait.” Suddenly Stacie spun around on her stool, nearly toppling off. Clearly Beca had gotten  _all_ of the Bellas nice and drunk. “Did you say band? As in sexy musicians?”

“Did you miss the weird facial hair thing?” Emily asked and yelped again as Beca forcefully shoved her head back onto her shoulder.

Beca grinned at Stacie, knowing she had just won over the Bellas. She pulled out her phone and showed Stacie a picture of the band, “That one is single.”

“Let’s go!”

“Where are we going?”

“Finally! Where were you?”

“Smoking!” Hunny cried, alarmed by the bite in Beca’s tone.

“Yeah, well now you get to do it again so I can go. We’re gonna head over to the drop party.”

“Sweet.”

“Hey, Aubrey,” Beca took a deep breath and headed over to the woman who was talking with Phoebe, “We’re gonna uh, blow this joint and head to a party for a band with my label. You wanna come?” The look that Aubrey gave her would have cut her down at the neck if she weren’t already so short. “ _I’m_  waiting for someone. As a matter of fact,  _you_  should be waiting for someone,  _Beca_!”

Beca wasn’t going to answer – she wasn’t - she just turned to head back toward the Bellas but then, in proper Beca form she changed her mind at the last second, “You know, Aubs, whatever happened that has you so pissed off, yeah, it’s none of your business. Soooo, maybe you should act like it.” She gave her a little salute and she was gone, back to the Bellas. “I need to smoke and then let’s get the  _fuck_  outta here.”

 

****

 

Her legs were sore from the hours in the car and it felt so good to lean against the side and stretch for a minute, bending this way and that until her back gave a satisfying crack, popping back into alignment. Chloe was supposed to have had some time before the reunion to catch up with Aubrey, but that pile up on the 15 had really put a damper on her plans.

At least she had finally made it. She was here! The pile up was behind her and she was here.

And she was nervous.

Excited.

But nervous.

 

She paused just outside of the doors to run her hand over her stomach, smoothing any creases in her dress, and taking a deep breath. She let it out through her nose slowly and clicked on her best smile.

She didn’t know what she had expected, but she felt a slight pang of disappointment when she saw just how thin the crowd was.

“Mrs. Cavanaugh!”

“Hi!” Chloe turned toward the woman she recognized as Phoebe Hodgkiss, “I’m sorry I’m late, there was an accident on the freeway!”

“Oh dear, nothing too serious, I hope. Well, we’re glad you made it. Better late than never, I always say.”

Chloe just smiled and nodded.

“There are still plenty of drinks at the bar and I think the refreshment table isn’t completely picked over just yet. Why don’t you grab yourself a bite and we’ll chat later.”

Chloe nodded again, scanning the crowd.

“Oh, they’re all around here somewhere.” Phoebe said, watching her gaze, “At least they were a minute ago.”

Chloe gave her a slightly apologetic smile for her distraction and started around the room. She would check back in with her later.

Was she so late that she had missed everyone? Her stomach twisted; that would be terrible! Where would they all have gone? We’re they staying here at the hotel? Maybe she should check the hotel bar or the restaurant.

She circled the room twice, her spirits dropping before:

“Chloe!”

She turned, a grin spreading only to fall when a handful of Bellas from her sophomore year came running up and threw their arms around her.

“How are you? Oh my god, it’s so good to see you!”

“Out of my way!”

Chloe couldn’t help the squeal that came out of her as she latched on to Aubrey, hugging her so tightly that she thought the blonde might pop. “Oh my god, Brey! Oh my god!” She let out a laugh and was genuinely surprised and embarrassed when her laugh hiccupped into a sob.

“What the hell, Chloe? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” She forced out a high laugh, shaking her head against Aubrey’s shoulder, holding tighter when Aubrey tried to pull away, “It’s just, it’s been a hard year and I’m so happy to see you.”

“Awe, Chloe!” Aubrey hugged her tightly before pulling back and taking her hands, “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, totes!” She shook her head as if to say ‘silly me’ and dabbed under her eyes, “How are you?”

“Well, about the same as I was when we talked on the phone this morning! Did you stop at the hotel room and drop off your things?”

“No, they’re still in the car. I didn’t want to be any later.”

“Okay. How’s Nick?” Aubrey asked, wrapping her arm around Chloe’s shoulder.

Chloe let out another small laugh and looked around again, “Where is everybody?”

“Ooh,” Aubrey frowned glancing around, “I’m not sure. They were getting ready to go to some drop thing but I don’t think they would have left yet since officially I  _was_  invited. Plus, I did tell them you were still coming.”

“Oh! They’re leaving?”

“So uh, Cynthia Rose and some blonde are making out in the bathroom like a couple of wombats in heat.”

“Amy!” Chloe cried, about to throw her arms around her when, “Wait, what?”

Amy had been busy looking over her shoulder so she hadn’t noticed the new addition, “GINGERRRR! I told them you wouldn’t miss this!” And suddenly Chloe was wrapped in a bear hug that lifted her off the ground, making her squeal.

“Amy, what about Cynthia Rose?”

“Yeeeeah, playing tonsil hockey like a couple of horny jackrabbits. I dunno what Beca served her to drink but yeeeeah. Apparently Cynthia Rose has got cougar-fever.”

“Wait, but I thought that Cynthia Rose was moving to Maine to get married. That’s what she said at the retreat, right?” Aubrey asked, looking between them as if they should know.

Amy shrugged, doing a little awkward jig, “Don’t ask me to explain the complexities of Sapphic love, I dunno! I’ve been strictly dickly all my life!”

Chloe flushed and uncomfortably laughed, “So where is everyone?”

“Well, uh, Cynthia Rose is in the bathroom…”

“Right.”

“And everyone else is out back while Short Stack and Hunny smoke. You got here in the nick of time, we are hoppin’ on the taxi train.”

“Who’s Hunny?” Chloe asked, turning to follow Amy.

“Yeah, about this tall, redhead, looks a little like you actually, ginger. She’s on some TV show where bitches fight a lot. She’s Short Stuff’s date, I think. I dunno, she’s been mackin’ on this one all night so maybe not?” Aubrey looked like she had just stepped on a tack. “Oh, you know Beca is gay now, right? Tiny, angry lesbians all around. Yeeeaaah, lot of gay in this group.”

“Oh.” Chloe breathed, “Right. Yeah, I saw her coming out interview online. I think I know which woman you mean; I saw them at the Grammy’s this year.” That had been a weird moment since she had actually seen Beca with the woman before she had seen the interview.

“Right! Yeah! That one! Err, alright, I should probably go break up the lovebirds - or maybe horny birds is more like it, but, oh look, you can follow Stealthy.”

Chloe turned just in time to see their beatboxing sister slipping out of the emergency exit.

“Aubrey, we have a few questions for you,” Phoebe called from across the room.

“I’ll catch up to you.”

Chloe nodded and started toward the place where Lilly had disappeared, biting her lip ever so slightly. Her stomach was dancing; doing nervously excited jumps and splits as she pushed open the door, a smile already on her face.

It had been too long.

The small group was leaning together a few yards away passing a cigarette between them and chattering into the light summer breeze.

Her smile grew as she felt a spurt of something so  _Chloe_  that she almost laughed. She opened her mouth and cried, “Where are  _ma ladiez_?”

“CHLOE!” They seemed to all scream her name at once, running at her and wrapping her in tight hugs.

“Oh my god, it’s so good to see you guys! Look at you all! Oh my god!”

It was amazing what four years can do to a person.

“Are none of you aging? What the hell?”

“Don’t be jelly of our youthful good looks!” Cynthia Rose laughed, pretending to fluff her hair.

“I am! I’m totally jelly!” She cried, hugging the two that just appeared from the door then making her way to the last Bella. “Look at you, Emily!” Even little Emily looked like a real bona fide adult now! “I listened to your album on the drive here!”

“O.M.G! Really? Yeah! That’s still  _so_  weird to hear!”

Chloe happily threw her arms around the girl.

She hadn’t even registered that there were more people standing behind the group of Bellas, not until she happened to glance over Emily’s shoulder and found she was looking straight into those smoky blue eyes. The wind knocked from her lungs in a swoosh at the sudden surprise of - Beca. There she was! Right there, after two years! Within reaching distance!

_Within smacking distance!_

Within hugging distance!

She blinked quickly trying to process as her heart leapt with excitement and her stomach dropped out all at once.

Beca was five feet back, a cigarette dangling from her lips. She was standing, slightly slouched to the side with her feet planted as though she had made no effort to come and meet Chloe as the others had. Chloe’s skin turned to goose bumps as she noticed- her face...it showed - absolutely nothing - no recognition at all. It was like they were total strangers. Chloe had never seen that before, even the day they met she had shown more interest.

Chloe released Emily and there was nowhere else to go, there was nowhere else she wanted to go then but to her best friend. As a matter of fact she had to force herself to remain calm. What she wanted to do was launch herself at her, wrap her in a tight hug and not come up for air for a week. But, in that moment she watched Beca pull the cigarette from her lips and let out a nonchalant plume of smoke, and she was so isolated that Chloe hesitated.

Uncertainty washed over her as she glanced at the woman next to Beca. She was...pretty; definitely the same woman she had seen her with before.  _She_  at least looked excited but...the uncertainty only grew as Beca’s blank face never changed. There was nothing else to do, though. So she clicked on a smile and started forward.

 

****

 

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

This wasn’t panic, no; this was fight or fucking flight.

She hadn’t made it. Of course, she hadn’t. It didn’t matter when she had decided she didn’t want to - couldn’t handle - seeing Chloe, whenever she had decided that would have of course been exactly when Chloe would have shown up. She could have decided next week and Chloe wouldn’t have shown up until then, or she could have decided as she was getting into her car and Chloe would have appeared like magic beside her.

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, her mind was screaming as she watched the woman begin to loosen her grip on Emily, the last Bella...besides her. She knew she was next. She took the second that Chloe’s eyes left hers to pull in a huge fast puff of her cigarette and tried not to turn purple as the smoke burned her throat.

God damn it! She turned and let out a small hacking cloud, annoyed and embarrassed that her I-swear-I’m-cool blank cover had been broken. But Chloe was giving Emily a post hug smile and didn’t seem to notice.

Beca watched those freakishly gorgeous blue eyes flash from Emily to Ashley as she started to move around them and she felt one of her knees weaken, threatening to buckle.

It was  _Chloe_.

Damn it, it was Chloe!

Removing her from her life had been like surgically removing her arm without anesthesia and here she was, right in front of her.

Those two pictures she had kept handy didn’t do her justice. How had she forgotten that pictures couldn’t do her justice? She was, god, she was so beautiful. It wasn’t fair. It made her dizzy. Or maybe it was just the fact that Chloe had taken a step toward her that was making her head spin.

She was coming.

Ugh, and she was smiling that ‘just for Beca’ smile that she had always loved, that had made her feel stupid special like if she tried jumping off a building to fly, she would simply soar through the trees because Chlo had willed it.

She felt like an animal in a snare. There was nowhere to go. There was nowhere to go, oh god stop smiling at me like that, I’m stuck, it’s been too long for this, holy crap, I can’t breathe.

And then Chloe was in front of her, fingers laced before her as she tentatively smiled, leaning a little trying to recapture Beca’s gaze as one of her eyes dipped into a wink, “Hi Bec. Remember me?”

Smile, you’re supposed to smile.

Beca clicked on a small, half-assed smile and then she’s there, all around her. Curly red hair was in her face, strong but soft arms wrapped around her and for just a moment she heard the tiniest of happy little giggles. It was all so familiar, so comforting that Beca couldn’t stand it. The arms gave a tighter squeeze and she felt her face accidentally shoved into Chloe’s neck. She still smelled the same, even after all of these years. She still  _smelled the same_  so Beca let out an awkward laugh and pulled away, far too quickly for Chloe, she knew it. Chloe was a strong believer in long hugs.

“Hi! You must be Chloe! It’s so great to  _finally_ meet you!” Hunny cried and the women hugged as though they were old friends.

Which was...really annoying.

And then...it was just quiet.

Down the street a man yelled for a taxi, a few blocks away a dog barked and suddenly there was a car horn blast from nearby; and each and every Bella heard it all because the tension, the awkward silent tension, just went through the roof as the tiny brunette and the redhead stood there staring at one another.

“They had a fight.” Amy leaned over and loudly whispered to Stacie.

“ _Amy_! No we – uuuugh, whatever!” Beca stomped out her cigarette and shoved her hand through her hair, “Are we going or what?”

“Where are you guys going? I just got here; can we please all at least have a drink?” Beca could hear the small hurt in Chloe’s voice and felt herself react primally for just a second, ready to hurt the thing that was making Chloe hurt, even if it was herself. But she couldn’t seem to look up at her so she just let Stacie explain about the band and the party.

“Oh yeah, you can totally come too, Chloe, if you want” she told the wall.

Good job, Bec, total nonchalance. Crushed it. You got this.

She was so proud of herself that she even found the courage to glance sideways out of the corner of her eye at Chloe. It was a bad plan, however, and her stomach dropped away instantly. She could see that face; that quick little eye dart as if she couldn’t believe whatever it was she had just heard, the ever so slight part of her lips, the way her head pulled back just a bit. It’s the face that only happened when Chloe had been truly and unexpectedly hurt.

Shit.

 

****

 

She knew she needed to close her mouth and unfold her arms which had automatically crossed before her to shield from the burn, but the comment - the tone that said you’re not really welcome - it had come as such a surprise that it had stunned Chloe into simply watching Beca step around her and head back inside.

She had expected awkward or even weird but that...

She cleared her throat.

Okay.

Yes, that had hurt.

But…

Whatever it was that had made Beca mad enough to end their friendship two years ago, she was clearly still mad about. Chloe could handle mad Beca. It used to be a specialty of hers. She had this.

“Come on, Chlo!” Stacie called, giving her a large smile.

Okay. She could do this. She just had to suck it up. No big deal. They would get through this.

She swallowed hard and followed the rest of the girls inside.


	4. Chapter 4

“What, we’re just goin’ in? Just goin’ right past the bouncer?” Fat Amy called, obviously excited as Beca waved at the buff woman with the clipboard and breezed right by, “Awwww yeeeah! Bellas in the hizzouse!”

“I’ve always wanted to just walk by a whole line of people! This is so badass!” Stacie was all but jumping up and down as she pouted playfully at the line and gave them a little teasing wave. A man a few people back dropped his cigarette as he stared.

“Yo, this is the  _tits!_ Ha! Lata suckas.” Cynthia Rose and Lilly popped their collars and strode right by, following their friends.

“Whoa.” The word just popped out of Chloe’s mouth as they walked in past the bouncer and had their hands stamped. They were on the base floor of the club and looking up through the flashing lights and the bodies was...intimidating. There were three floors above them, full of partying people - though calling them floors wasn’t quite right since they were more like catwalks that snaked around the walls, large enough to fit ten people deep, which left a clear view from the bottom all the way up to the top. Chloe’s jaw hung open as she watched the bodies swaying above them, servers weaving in and out, people sitting at tables. She was thoroughly impressed.

“Wow, I didn’t even know places like this existed outside of TV,” Aubrey said, obviously out of her element; her prim blouse and slacks stuck out here as much as the clubware around them would have stuck out in everyday life.

This was not the kind of club that Chloe had gone to in college. Atlanta had some pretty happening spots that she and Beca had liked to sneak off to every now and then but none of them had been like this one. Aubrey was right, this looked like a movie; it was almost as if any second some cool guy or gal was going to step out of the crowd and declare themselves their enemy which - now that she thought about it, that had already happened to them once, hadn’t it? Well. The Bellas could blow minds and wipe the floor with a rival team a second time if need be. The thought made her smile.

The music was blasting, multi-colored lights flashing from all three balcony levels above them. This place was, well, off the hook.

“Welcome to The Royal!” Beca said tossing a smirk back at Aubrey. Chloe could see her momentary pride, as if to say they were not in Kansas anymore but in  _Beca’s_  world now.

Her arms crossed again, but she had to bite back her own grin; smirky smug Beca was rare - when she wasn’t singing - but it had always been a favorite of Chloe’s. Beca was one of those women who never knew how good they were, how priceless, how worth it, and how much they should be proud to be who they were. Chloe would give anything to see that little smile on Beca’s face more often.

Aubrey’s eyes narrowed at Beca in response but she said nothing because suddenly people were rushing at them, greeting Beca, Hunny, and Emily, taking their pictures, talking to them, shouting for them, bringing them drinks.

“Damn, it’s like bitches are famous or some shit!” Cynthia Rose cried when they were jostled out of the way.

“That’s because they are,” Chloe smiled. Maybe they weren’t big Hollywood names - yet - but they were famous in this world and Chloe couldn’t be more proud.

“So,” Jessica started but then stopped cold. The song had just changed and recognition sparked instantly; Chloe saw it register on all the Bellas faces one by one. She wasn’t sure what it was, some type of funky house mix of one of the songs they sang for the president. She felt the beat pass through all of the Bellas like a ripple, like a tight adhesive, just as it used to when they were freestyling, which was always when they were at their best. Their faces were all studious for a second, feeling, processing and then slowly grins started to bloom as they looked between one another, giving each other knowing sneers.

“Yeaaaah, good beats, right? This is DJ Steve.” Beca grinned, her head already starting to move a little bit as if she were just itching to break out into a dance. “We all know this one, right?”

Chloe wished Beca  _would_ break out into that dance. She would love to see a few minutes of Beca, her Beca - instead of cold, reserved Beca.

“Bex!” A girl came skipping out of the crowd and whispered in her ear.

“Are you - are you fucking serious? It’s not even that late- I can’t - how did you - okay, I’m coming. No! No! I’ll handle it! Josie, I’m fucking serious. I got it.” She could feel Beca’s mood shift as she was called away to another part of the building for work; she had the same look on her face that she used to when the Bellas were really deep into rehearsal and things weren’t going how Beca wanted them to.

Chloe bit down on her lip and looked to the other Bellas, but it was clear she had been the only one who noticed the change in Beca, even Hunny was barely paying attention at all, talking in a whisper to a man beside them and then taking a shot with Emily.

The beat of the song picked up and Chloe turned to Aubrey, surprised to see a giant smile on her face; perhaps that was the shots that Stacie had been passing to her on the way over. Strangely, Stacie had always been able to get Aubrey to loosen up in a way that even Chloe couldn’t. Call it a gift. She appreciated that about Stacie. Seeing Aubrey’s loose smile she wondered if tonight would be one of those nights where her best friend would let go a bit and become a hip rolling, body grinding, dancing machine. It only happened on occasion but Chloe was ready for the fun. Let’s do this! Whooo!

“Okay guys, have fun, I’ll see you out there, I need to go check on some shit. Hunny.” Beca twirled her fingers toward the Bellas as though to say, ‘take care of these wonderful ladies’.

“I don’t know about you bitches,” Cynthia Rose scoffed with a grin, licking the tip of a finger and sweeping it across her eyebrow, “but if you’ll excuse me, I gotta tear some shit up.”

A loud shout exploded from the girls and suddenly her friends were pushing past her and onto the cramped dance floor, jumping and bouncing instantly.

“COME ON, CHLOE!”

For a moment all she could do was watch them, a huge smile on her face. God, she had missed these women; their happy faces, all together, all singing along with the remixed song, throwing in a move or two from their routine. She hadn’t realized just how much she needed it, which was saying something because she had  _known_  she needed it.

Slowly the beat began to pound in her chest, making her skin tingle, picking up her heart rate and spreading an uncomplicated warmth through her. Her chin started to dip as her hips itched to move, to twitch, to slide. Still she stood there watching them with a twinkle in her eye, letting this delightful warm buzzing build, stealing her breath as she took it all in. And then, when she couldn’t handle it anymore, she let out her own shout of joy and she was there with them, moving, swaying.

Dancing like a maniac in her living room with her headphones in was one thing, always holding back a little just in case someone like Marcy were to come by and she would have to explain herself. Dancing by yourself was fun but this, surrounded by her friends, it was something like heaven.

There was a slightly drunken shout from beside her and Aubrey suddenly wrapped her arms around her, kissing her face. “What did you give her?” She mouthed to Stacie who just played innocent, turning away with a small smirk.

“Why didn’t we do this more when we were in college?”

Chloe couldn’t help her laughter, “Because, Brey, you said this type of dancing would ‘hinder our Bella routine’.”

“God, why was I such a stuffy bitch?”

That made Chloe all but collapse into Ashley behind her, laughing so hard she could barely keep herself on her feet.

“Awe, don’t say that!” Emily cried, appearing at their side, “You were a great Bella leader.”

“Legacy, you were never her Bella!”

“No! But I went through aca-boot camp!”

Amy opened her mouth to respond but Aubrey called, “Fat Amy” and it was clear to see that Amy was both shocked and delighted when Aubrey just threw her arms around her.

“I want whatever you gave her, Stace!”

Stacie shook her head, “I didn’t give her anything special, it’s more that she just - kept freaking taking them when I handed them to her. I kinda wanted to see how long she would keep going.”

There was no room for negativity in their Bella bubble as Chloe moved from friend to friend, shaking out her hair, moving her feet, popping her hips, wiggling her ass in a way that she would never do at home. They each had such different dancing styles and it made her miss Beca. It was always Beca who she gravitated to at the aca-parties. They had always moved so well together, silly and yet so much fun. The group just didn’t feel right without her by her side. The thought made her look up, glancing around the room, but there’s no way that she could track her down, not in this chaos so she just kept dancing, tossing her arm over Flo.

Dancing can cure any ail, she was sure of it. Instead of therapy people should just receive prescriptions that read ‘ordered by medical professional: three hours of dancing with your best friends, add two shots of tequila for an extra boost when needed’.

“This mix is Bex’s!” Hunny yelled, appearing out of nowhere and gyrating to the beat beside Chloe with a grin. “Steve loves to play her shit!”

Chloe wasn’t surprised to hear this news; the music had Beca written all over it.

“I have better ones!”

Chloe’s head whipped around to the other side of the group where Beca was rocking and swaying beside Lilly, their hips bumping as they laughed. She hadn’t noticed that she was back. She tried to offer a smile, about to say how much she was enjoying the music when she saw Beca throw her a glance and then without any acknowledgement at all, turn a bit so she was no longer facing her; falling into conversation with someone else.

“I like this one!” Hunny was the one to say it instead.

“You are easy to please.”

“You know it, bitch!” Hunny reached across the circle and grabbed her in a tight embrace, sliding against her suggestively.

Strange. Chloe didn’t even know Hunny, but something about her was just rubbing her the wrong way.

“Drinks? Guys? Do you want drinks?”

They all agreed and follow Beca to the largest low-level bar.

“So Amy, how is Little Rock treating you?” Chloe asked, not paying attention as they pushed through the crowd.

“Totally as sick as I thought it would be!”

“And how are your kids? What are their names again?”

“Eeer, Amy Jr, Bumpette – we call her Ettie, Ajax and Trojan.”

“Trojan?”

“Yeah, that was the type of condom we used that broke so yeah. We just thought it was a really strong name, you know?”

“So four, wow!”

“Yeah, Bumper and I got busy.”

Something in Amy’s face made Chloe throw her head back and laugh, “Oh! Oh god, I’m sorry!” She had walked straight into the back of Beca. “Are you alright?”

Beca just rolled her shoulders as if readjusting and touching Beca was so second nature to her that Chloe only just realized her hands were on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. She dropped them as Beca called for the bartender.

“Tony! Shots for the group.”

“Allriiiight, shots for the house! Check it out, ladies!” He spent a moment or two pouring and mixing liquids into a shaker and then ever so carefully filled the line of shot glasses one by one, progressing from red and fading to purple as it cycled through the colors of the rainbow. “Yeaaaaah, right?” He called and Chloe cheered, high-fiving him over Beca’s shoulder. “House Bex style!”

“What’s House Bex style?” Chloe asked without thinking.

“ _Gay_.” The word shot so bluntly from Beca’s lips that Chloe wasn’t sure how exactly to respond to it. Was this her way of trying to tell her something she already knew? Should she bring the comment out into the open or simply let it slide? She wasn’t really sure so she just laughed again, “Awesome! Ladies?” Chloe grabbed the yellow shot in front of her.

Beca shuffled out from in front of her with a click of her tongue and together, one - two –three, they took the shots.

“Wheeeew!” Chloe yelped, shaking her head. She used to love shots, but these days they kind of killed her.

“Another!” Stacie hollered, holding the empty shot glass in the air.

Tony gave her an obedient nod, dancing in place to the beat, “Alright, alright, any friend of Bex is a friend of mine!”

A tall grungy looking man suddenly appeared out of nowhere at Chloe’s side, reaching for Beca with a slightly panicked look in his eye, “Alright, have fun! I gotta go talk to this guy! I’ll be back!”

Chloe watched her go with a frown. This was all fun, amazing even, but what she really wanted was a second to talk to Beca.

 

****

 

Beca knew the reason she felt so bad right now was because she  _should_  be down there with her friends, the friends she hadn’t seen in years, the friends she might not see for a few more years - instead of up here in the third floor lounge room sitting just shy of Dave’s lap as some chic gushed over the new album, constantly and annoyingly hinting that perhaps Beca would take her on as a new client ‘if she were smart’. Steve had already played a few of the songs from the new album ‘Glass and Grass’ but, she checked the clock, yeah, she should get him to play another one soon.

“I gotta talk to Steve! Everyone good on drinks? You know what, fuck it, I’ll have them send up another bottle of champagne. I’ll be back!”

“Bexy, where’s Emily?” Dave whined hopefully.

“I think she went home!” She knew that he was aware of Benji, Emily’s shy, sweet boyfriend who had made the move to L.A. with her. She was also pretty sure Emily was downstairs somewhere with the Bellas, but she wasn’t going to tell Dave that when she knew Emily wasn’t interested.

It always took a bit of effort to push her way down the stairs, making her wish she could be one of those super tall women who didn’t need to burrow through people like moles to get where they need to go. Still, eventually she got to the DJ and they had a long conversation about what songs should come next and what order. She had just made it back down to the Bellas when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. “Sorry guys, work calls.” She could feel blue eyes on her from somewhere to the left so she just hit the ‘accept’ button and started right back up the stairs.

Suddenly she was exceedingly glad she got the Bellas to come when P.J. asked, “So how’s your drop party going?”

This call would have sucked if she hadn’t been there.

She tried not to sigh outwardly and instead sagged heavily against the second floor railing, scanning the crowd. She had  _wanted_  it to be her drop party, she and Dave had even made some pretty cool plans but then P.J. had come in and messed them up. Who plays club mixes at a grunge album drop party? No one but P.J. He was going to run ‘Moment One’ into the ground, she was sure of it.

“Yeah, it’s good! I think Dave and the guys are happy right now.” She told herself she was looking for Hunny as she scanned but the face her eyes fell on was a very different redhead. This was, what, the fourth time now? Why did she have to smile like that? Always smiling.

“Good, good. Have you asked the bar-”

Beca listed off the bar total she had read when she was last upstairs. She watched Chloe roll with Aubrey and felt a splinter of jealousy blossom in her stomach as she remembered what dancing with Chloe like that had always felt like. It was always the best and worst temptation. Chloe had never really minded a lot of physical affection and closeness - in fact she pushed it - a fact which had probably helped to hide Beca’s true feelings many times, but dancing had always been when she could  _touch_ Chloe, however tentatively. Dancing was when she could put her hands on her hips, on her ribs and slide against her body for whatever blissfully relieving torture she wanted. Of course there were the constant cuddle sessions and the, god damn it, she was supposed to be  _focusing_! Fuck!

“Great. Now listen, I’ve sent over this little blonde, she’s looking to drop a new album with a new sound. I need you to sweet talk her for me.”

“What? No, P.J. I’m supposed to be off tonight! I have like ten friends here! I only came by because,”

“Well. Tough shit, lil’ tiger.”

Lil’ Tiger? Where did people keep coming up with these nicknames for her? She got it, she was short, move on! “That’s how the ball rolls here, right? You want your own clients, then toughen up.”

“Right. Yeah, you’re right.” From the floor below Chloe’s eyes flashed, scanning around her. Beca hadn’t even noticed until Chloe was staring at her, grinning and crooking a finger for her to come and join them with a devilish look on her face. Beca’s heart nearly jumped out of her body, making her turn away fast. “Wait. What’s her name?”

“Um, Krista something.”

“SHIT! I already met her. I thought she was just another Hollywood hopeful! Fuck, I gotta go!”

“Clean it up, Bex!”

Thank god no one seemed to expect Beca to look like, well, Hunny because this place had four floors total and no damn elevator. She couldn’t have worn those types of heels even if she wanted to. She tore down the stairs, apologizing to the Bellas yet again and then back up to the room where the possible future client was still waiting.

 

* * *

 

 

Her night was getting to be a bit chaotic. The new possible client was needy, hell they were all needy but she was  _really_  needy. Then one of P.J.’s clients came in and demanded attention. Then the drummer of Synergy had a few too many and tried to pick a fight with a guy who was ‘looking at his girl’. It was one thing after another and Beca was starting to sweat as she ran. It didn’t help that she now had a giant knot on the front of her shin that was making her hobble up the stairs instead of sprint. A little earlier in the evening she had looked over to the Bellas, just doing a general check to see if they looked happy and she had seen Chloe dancing with Hunny, her face teasingly cocky as she shook, Hunny’s hands on Chloe’s waist. Beca had tripped on the stairs over absolutely nothing and gone down - hard, really fucking hard. She didn’t know what annoyed her more, the fact that she was now in pain, the fact that they had been dancing - like that - or the fact that she had even been looking.

Every time she was running from one side of the club to the other, she found herself pausing, her eyes scanning the crowd without her permission.

Was she checking to see where Hunny was? Was she checking to see where Chloe was?

God damn it, why did Chloe have to be such a good dancer? It was fucking distracting and starting to piss her off a little bit. Like, seriously, can whatever creature is up there above them  _please_ cut her just a little slack?

She ran up to the top floor and was huffing by the time she got back to the DJ. “Steve, we need to, oh shit!” She stopped only just in time not to run down the redhead at the side of the booth.

“Hey! There you are!” Chloe grinned, “I was just asking if he would play another mix of yours.”

“Errr, oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Hey, so can we -”

“Urm, Steve, Synergy track three.”

“You got it, Bex.” Then she was turning, hearing the surprised, “Beca!” that followed her.

God damn it. She could have done that better. Damn it. She just was surprised to look up and have her there. This whole being in the same building thing was fucking hard.

“Beca!” She could tell Chloe was leaning over the railing behind her, trying to get her attention so she picked up her feet, running toward the first floor.

She needed a drink.

“Hey!” Beca yelped as the talon-like grip instantly cut off circulation to her elbow, “The  _fuck_ , Aubrey!”

“I  _saw_  that.”

“What?”

“Look!” She swung her around with an ease that was almost embarrassing.

She didn’t want to look, but Aubrey wasn’t really giving her a lot of choice. Chloe was still standing by the railing and while she was smiling again, neither one of her best friends were fooled. They both could see the hurt dulling her bright eyes. “You had better start being nice to her, Beca! I  _know_ you still  _care_! I’m not blind. So knock off the misunderstood and tormented routine!”

“Let go of me!” She ripped her arm out of Aubrey’s hands a little harder than was necessary, “What is  _up_ , Aubrey? Why can’t you get your nose out of my business? It’s non-”

“Because it  _isn’t_ just  _your_ business, Beca! Who do you think had to listen to her for a  _year_? That’s right; wipe that stupid look off your face! A whole year, every time we talked: ‘What did I do?’ ‘Why won’t she call me back?’ ‘I don’t understand.’  _I_ had to listen to her cry over  _you_. Me! All because of you and your-”

“Let me guess. Is this the second time in my life that you’re going to tell me I have a  _toner_? Do I need to once again refer you to what you’re actually seeing?”

Aubrey frowned, and the lack of humor in her face threw Beca for just a second, “No. I’m not. What you have is  _so_  much bigger than a toner, Beca.”

God,  _why_  had it been Aubrey of all people that she had opened up to at Chloe’s wedding? She had just been so...I dunno, frazzled. Why was she telling her this? “Fuck off, Aubrey.”

 

****

 

Clearly at some point since they had last seen one another Beca had finally started taking her cardio seriously. She had never seen Beca run from anything so quickly, let alone her.

Chloe wasn’t trying to watch Beca, not at all; she was trying to focus on her friends - and strangely, the very attentive Hunny who really seemed to like to dance. She didn’t want to crowd Beca; then again she was sure Beca hadn’t even noticed her watching, anyway. Chloe had always marveled at Beca’s ability to run so efficiently, like a perfectly orchestrated train stop and yet look so scattered and chaotic all at the same time. She was down the stairs on the phone, she was across the bar talking heatedly with the DJ, she was up the stairs with drinks, she was down the stairs and apologizing to them yet again about her sudden unavailability, insisting that while she thought she would have things to do, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Each time that Beca approached, Chloe offered her the best smile she could muster and took a step forward, wanting to help, wanting to give the frazzled woman a calming hug, anything really, she looked like she was going to come apart. But each time she came too close Beca recoiled, usually all the way back up the stairs.

So Chloe waited. She had been waiting all evening but for what? Some type of acknowledgment from the best friend she had ever had? Some type of sign that Beca had even registered that she was there?

They only had tonight. Tomorrow the Bellas planned to meet for breakfast, but then they would all be off to their separate lives and Chloe would lose the chance to tell Beca just how much she missed her and to ask the question that had been haunting her for two years...why?

It had to happen. She would make it happen. She just, she couldn’t go back to her life, to her small lessons and Nick and his mother and their attempts to conceive, not without knowing  _why_.

So she waited and she wondered about the second question as she watched the woman flutter around the space like an anxious hummingbird: when had been the exact moment that things had changed? Had it been when she announced her pregnancy? Had it been the week before when they had done their grocery shopping together and Chloe had crankily snapped at her? Had it been the following month when Chloe had shown up on her doorstep with ice cream, begging through the door to understand where Beca had gone? She always felt so stupid because clearly she had missed it, whatever the  _thing_  had been, she had missed it entirely.

“Whooooo!” Emily yelled when a tired took Beca rejoined them, sipping from Emily’s drink.

“You done?”

Beca shook her head and, seeming to think about it again, drank down the rest of it, “Dave -  _who is the greatest client in the world_ ” she yelled over her shoulder just in case anyone was listening, “is all upset about the music choices tonight - which I freaking told P.J. he would be. They don’t make sense! Plus, he’s upset because he thinks this cute little brunette is avoiding him.”

“I, wha, I- Benji!” Emily stumbled, making Beca laugh and lean up to kiss her cheek. Emily casually flopped her arm around Beca and Chloe was surprised to feel a giant wave of green envy roll through her as she remembered the days when Beca didn’t run from her but instead cuddled close like that. She missed it, she physically missed it.

“Brey, let’s get a drink.”

It had taken Chloe a little while to accept that Beca had probably left their friendship on purpose. It hadn’t been that life had gotten too busy; it hadn’t been that she had ‘accidentally’ missed the day that Chloe had moved.

At first the idea that Beca would ever voluntarily walk away from her had been laughable and sometimes Chloe missed those days. They felt naive but also very welcome. Ignorance was indeed bliss.

“What can I get you?” Tony asked with a grin. Chloe ordered a drink for herself and for Aubrey, though, judging from Aubrey’s in place dancing, maybe she shouldn’t have.

She sat on one of the free stools and glanced back at the Bellas, all laughing and dancing with their captain.

There was a time when she had said that she and Beca were sisters for life.

What happened?

“What’s wrong?”

“Hmmm?” Chloe had to blink a few times to pull herself back to Aubrey.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?”

Frowning it took Chloe a second to realize that Aubrey was pointing to her hand, her left hand that was resting just over her heart, softly rubbing.

“What? Oh. No, I’m okay, Brey. Uhhh, are you okay?”

“Are you kidding? This is so much fun.” Aubrey leaned over the smaller woman and whispered, a bit drunkenly, “Hunny keeps buying me drinks. I think she wants to kiss me.  _Shhhh_!”

Chloe laughed, wiping a bit of spit from her cheek, already refocusing on the fingers that were still brushing lightly against that spot, that oh so sacred little spot.

 

_ Three Years Before _

This was exactly what a wedding should be! They made their promises, to love, to have and to hold; they had exchanged rings, and then they had been introduced for the first time. All of that had been well and good, but _this_  was the thing that she had really been looking forward to.

And it was going great!

The food was almost gone; the bar was working at double time, making sure that every one of their guests had a vaguely drunken smile on their faces.

To top the party off, a few minutes before her Bellas had surprised her with a quick little number they had been working on over the last few days which, of course, she had cried through as Beca grinned at her, singing a funky Bellas rendition of ‘Isn’t She Lovely’/’Marry You’.

Chloe swept one more time around the room, spending a few seconds with someone here and there before checking back in with Nick’s mother. They...hadn’t quite found their footing yet, she and Marcy, but she was sure that after a few months of marriage she and Marcy would be the best of friends.

When it seemed like everyone was happy Chloe headed back to the best table of the room; the table where all of her Bellas were laughing and talking, debating who had been the hottest Treble and digging for clues about why her Maid of Honor #1 had broken up with him the year before. Beca was apparently still not budging, which didn’t surprise Chloe since she had been doing the same thing for a year and the only information she ever got was ‘he and I just finally started to agree that the ending was the best part’. She knew that Beca still thought Jesse was a great guy so...perhaps she would corner Aubrey later and see if the slew of drinks that they all had enjoyed had loosened Beca’s tongue a bit. The reason for her breakup with Jesse was pretty much the only thing Beca hadn’t told her since hiding her internship years ago and the secret was  _killing_  her!

“Uuuuuugh,” Chloe groaned as she fell more than sat down in her chair beside her brunette best friend, her head falling to Beca’s shoulder. Instantly Beca was gathering the material that flooded everywhere around her so no one would step on the dress that she had helped Chloe choose.

“Aren’t you uncomfortable? I mean damn!” Cynthia Rose cried, shaking her head at the dress. “Are you wearing a corset, because uh-uh!”

Chloe laughed, opening her mouth to make a joke but Beca beat her to it, saying it first, “Well, she did willingly dress up in a flight attendant’s uniform for like two solid years, so clearly she’s willing to wear anything!”

“Hey!” Aubrey barked and gave her a not at all intimidating stare down. Beca just laughed and flopped her arm over Aubrey, leaning in conspiratorially, “You made me look like an idiot, Aubs, be thankful I didn’t ask Lilly here to shave your head in your sleep!”

Aubrey gave a huge pout, wrapping her arm around Beca’s waist and resting her head Beca’s opposite shoulder.

They all laughed until they realized that Lilly was saying something in response. It had become a game for all of them to stop and lean in, hoping to be the one to catch the words. Instead, just like always, they just watched her lips move and then curl up into a smile.

“Right!” Chloe tried with a glance, hoping that was the correct response.

“Aaaaye, this wedding is so much better than the one that my brother threw for me when he sold me as a bride four years ago!” Flo groaned, making them all stop and exchange looks.

“Um, Flo-” Chloe started but jumped as firm hands closed on her arms.

“Hello, Mrs. Cavanaugh, may I have this dance?”

The response from her two Maid of Honors was comical and about as different as they were as people. Aubrey cooed, cuddling into herself as though the romance of it all was so good that Aubrey couldn’t handle it. Beca, however, just rolled her eyes, never one for sentiment.

“Heeeey, babe. Sure, though, you know what,” she held up a slightly crooked finger, “can you hold that thought? I need to use the ladies room first.”

“Okay, but hurry back.”

“Okay.” She accepted the kiss he gave her with gusto and then wobbled to her feet. She hadn’t meant to have this much to drink on her wedding day. She didn’t want to be one of those women who remembered nothing from their wedding because they had been far too drunk. “I’ll be right -” she stumbled over her dress and was pleased when Beca caught her, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

“Yeaaah, maybe let’s go together.”

“Thanks, Bec.” Chloe grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Of course it was Beca who offered to help her; she and Beca never did anything apart these days. It was kind of great.

Beca had her laughing the whole way to the bathroom, and not just laughing for the fun and silliness of it but stomach rolling, sides aching kind of laughing. She didn’t know how she always did it, especially when you considered how reserved Beca used to be, but she always did.

“Okay. This might be crossing some kind of friend line here but do you need help in there?”

Chloe playfully rolled her eyes, “I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah, maybe not but you do have - an awful lot going on here.” Beca said, teasingly fluffing Chloe’s skirt to make her point.

“It could be worse,” Chloe called trying to squeeze into the stall, “did I tell you that Nick’s mom wanted to give me her taffeta and chiffon dress?”

“Okay, whoa, wait. You told me about the dress but you  _did not_  tell me that it was taffeta and chiffon!”

Chloe grinned as she bit her lip; she still considered it a personal achievement that Beca even knew those words. “It was so big that there was no way I could even move let alone dance or sit down. The one time I did manage to sit on the couch the dress was taller than I was.”

“Oh my god, you’re kidding!”

“Nope!”

“Were you just like,”

“Totally hidden behind it. Nick said he couldn’t even see me.”

“That’s - that’s,”

“Hilarious, right?”

“Absolutely!”

Opening the stall door Chloe tried to step around her dress, but there was so much of it that, of course, instead she stepped right on it, groaning when she felt it give, twisting the strapless top around and falling a few inches.

“You know if you pee on that dress you will ruin it for – posterity – or whatever.”

Instead of replying Chloe just stepped out pouting, her neckline somehow turned so the cup meant for her cleavage was in her armpit. “ _I stepped on it_!”

“Oh god, seriously Chlo? How did you even do that? Come here.”

The scornful exasperation on Beca’s face made her realize again just how beautiful Beca was tonight. I mean, she was  _always_ beautiful, even in her sweats and tee-shirts, but she liked the way her eyes were constantly sparkling tonight; how perfectly lined her lips were, the rosy glow to her cheeks. Her makeup was no heavier than normal, but Chloe liked it like this, a little warmer. Then again, perhaps it was just the smile that Beca was giving her right now that made everything feel warm. She wondered if Beca knew that she could live in her smile.

“Okay, don’t worry, we can do this” but there was something in Beca’s voice as she went behind her and began to pull on the dress that made Chloe bite her lip, trying to hold back the laughter. She couldn’t and Chloe doubled over, almost taking Beca down with her.

“Dude!” Beca cried as she tipped and fell onto Chloe’s bent back. “Feet off the ground! My feet should not be off the ground!” Chloe only laughed harder when Beca just gave in, sagging with her cheek pressed against her back and mumbled, “You’re so weird.”

“Thanks, Bec!” Chloe sighed, dabbing below her eyes with a paper towel.

“Come on, let’s fix this biz.”

Chloe stood, biting her cheek as she watched Beca pull and push the dress, rolling her eyes and grinning at her. She watched Beca slowly work her way around her, concentrating on their task. Finally she reached the bust line and gave it a pull, clearing her throat a bit.

When Beca looked up, checking to be sure that everything was even, Chloe couldn’t help but to say it, adding a slow, suggestive wink, “You know, technically I think this counts as second base, Bec. We’re moving up the ranks from naked showering to inappropriate touching.”

The blush that started low on Beca’s chest and spread slowly up her face was priceless and Chloe loved it.

It hadn’t even occurred to her when she had walked into the shower so many years ago that it would be considered inappropriate. She had been so distracted by Beca’s amazing voice and then by how well they sounded together that it had even taken her a while to even sneak a momentary glance at Beca’s body. Since that moment though, she had discovered a love for Beca’s reactions.

“Seriously?” Beca laughed and let her face fall to Chloe’s chest, hiding, “Anyway!”

Chloe automatically wrapped her arms around her for a long, tight hug. When they had their fill, for this moment anyway, Beca teasingly pushed away, slapping Chloe’s hands as she tried to help.

She knew she was grinning again, but she couldn’t help it.

She was with Beca after all.

Beca’s nimble fingers moved back to the top of her dress, straightening it just a bit more.

It took a second, but slowly Chloe could feel her brow pulling together as she watched the laughter leave Beca’s face. She could see a storm silently moving in behind those steel blue eyes. Beca’s smile faded, her face growing serious and with it Chloe could feel a change in her best friend. She watched her take a minute, straightening a few sequins, recognizing this feeling between them. It was the same one that came over them whenever Beca was wrestling something out from under layers and layers of Beca baggage. So she just waited, studying the way that Beca’s eyelashes fluttered nervously.

Beca gave Chloe a small half glance and then focused entirely on her fingers. After a long pause she took a deep breath, running her hands over the already straightened neckline, “You look  _really_  beautiful, Chlo.”

There was a strange unbidden lurch in her chest at the unsteady shake in Beca’s voice.

She felt a grin crack across her face and she opened her mouth to tease her make some silly joke, only, the words died in her throat as Beca continued to grow meditative.

Something was shifting again, she could feel it; it happened now and then but she never understood, she never had any idea what it was; but it was deep and warm, predictably unfamiliar.

Her hand fell to Beca’s arm, just wanting to touch her, to feel some part of her. They were standing so close. How had she not realized that? And oh, it was so warm. The entire bathroom, it was so hot...or was that just her face? Her heart rate was beginning to pick up, but she had a hard time noticing as she watched Beca’s beautiful face, wondering at what was happening behind it.

Her lips were dry suddenly so she licked them.

She could smell Beca’s shampoo.

She could feel Beca’s breath against the bare skin of her chest.

She was starting to feel dizzy.

Beca’s fingers slowly moved from the fabric she had been smoothing and softly ran across her skin, just over her heart.

Chloe heard a breath hitch but - had that been her?

She watched as Beca began to lean.

Chloe expected her to take another hug. She readied herself for it, but instead she felt Beca’s nose gently make contact in the same spot, following the line her fingers had just traced.

A pulse raced through her, hot and cold all at once as her lips parted in surprise.

And then, just as she centered over Chloe’s heart Beca left a small, delicate kiss.

Chloe swayed ever so slightly, recognizing the absurd thought that popped into her head: the flooring in here must be uneven or something.

Her hand closed tightly on Beca’s bicep a moment before and now she gave it a squeeze, hoping it would ground her.

Beca hadn’t moved, her lips still a second of time away from Chloe’s heart.

Chloe’s breath snagged, she  _heard_  it and then Beca’s lips were there again, pressing against her collarbone. She pressed harder there, purposeful, her lips parted ever so slightly.

Chloe felt her move, her face tilting up toward the side of her throat and Chloe’s head moved with her of its own accord, tilting to give her room. Beca’s hand came up, hovering on the other side of her neck as though it wanted to land, to cup.

Just before Beca’s lips connected for a third time someone outside the bathroom let out a loud shout of, “Where’s the bride?”

Beca jumped, a small yip falling from her mouth as she pulled back and stepped quickly away, breaking Chloe’s grip on her arm.

Chloe swayed again, her eyes slowly opening.

When had they closed?

Her mouth closed.

When had it opened?

She could feel her breath was too fast in her throat, too quick, too hot. She frowned.

“Um, I think that’s you they’re lookin’ for, pretty lady,” Beca laughed, swinging around to head for the door. “Your, um, dress is good, by the way.”

Chloe wanted to call her back, wanted to - but she couldn’t seem to get her body to move.

Beca paused for just a second, hand on the doorknob, not quite looking back, and then she was gone and Chloe could hear her yelling in her teasing vibrato that Chloe would be out in a minute.

Chloe’s hand went out to steady herself on the sink, blinking slowly, her mind blank.

After a second she looked down and saw her white-gloved hand was covering the small lipstick stain that Beca had left behind.

 

* * *

 

 

She remembered trying to wipe the stain away and only succeeding in transferring the lipstick to her glove. She remembered seeing it there as she was dancing with Nick, her hand on his shoulder and again when reaching for a fresh glass of champagne during the toast. She remembered how distracted she had been by having it there on her fingertips all night.

She had always wondered if the kiss had meant...something, she didn’t know what.

She had spent a lot of time after her wedding thinking about that kiss. To this day she hated when Nick’s lips hovered near the same area, she had even gone as far as to actively push him away whenever he veered too close. She had thought about how it had made her feel, the fact that she wished Beca had done it again. She even had a few dreams replaying the scene over and over again that had left her breathless and clinging to her sheets.

She had thought about it until her brain hurt and it had become something of a complex for her; why did she continue to think about it? Was this why she had lost Beca? Had she done the wrong thing in that moment? Looking back she thought she had done very little of anything but maybe she was wrong. Had Beca been embarrassed? Her concern had only grown after she had turned on the TV one evening and learned that Beca was gay.  _Had_ the kiss meant something?

But no.

With the help of a therapist, she finally realized that, more than once Aubrey had kissed her neck as well - and in far more sober situations than that. As a matter of fact Aubrey had wrapped her arms around her and kissed the back of her neck that same evening! It was affectionate and totally normal, a drunken moment between BFF’s. A best friend sharing her love on her best friend’s wedding day. No biggie.

She and her therapist had made Beca’s kiss small, because that was all it had been, a small moment with her best friend.

And Chloe had just continued to wonder what she had done to drive the woman away.

“Hey, Aubrey!” They both looked up to find Hunny grinning down at them.

Chloe frowned, Amy had said that she looked like her but that wasn’t true at all, other than to say that all redheads looked the same. Their faces looked nothing alike. As a matter of fact, Chloe’s lips pursed as she decided, Hunny wasn’t even a natural ginger. That look  _totally_  came out of a bottle.

Aubrey smiled, a little confused by the attention she was getting and Chloe felt her lips purse tighter.

Wasn’t Hunny dating Beca? Didn’t she realize that Aubrey was straight? How many of Chloe’s best friends did this woman  _need_?

“You wanna dance?”

Aubrey stood, teetering, “Yeah!”

“Uh, Brey,” Chloe reached out to warn her that perhaps Hunny’s plans were less than what sober Aubrey might want but then changed her mind; not her choice, “Have fun!”

She watched them go, cuddling up on the dance floor as they began to move together and Chloe just stared, jaw hanging open. Ew.

She turned back to the bar and spotted Beca at the end, that look of concentration on her face.

Oh! This was perfect!

She hopped off her stool and slid in next to her, giving her a teasing little hip bump, “Hi stranger.”

“Oh, hey.” Beca threw her a half grin, but Chloe did not miss the deliberate step back out of Chloe’s personal space that Beca had taken.

Chloe wished she wouldn’t. She hadn’t done something like that since Beca’s sophomore year or so. She had worked hard to break down Beca’s very high and very thick personal walls in that time and it hurt to see them so high again after everything they had shared over the years. Frankly, they had shared a lot!

She studied Beca’s profile; she looked so tired. Honestly, Chloe had expected her to seem a little drunk or something. She had seen Beca down quite a bit, just in the time that she had been at the club with them, but Beca seemed fine; if not simply a little twitchy. She couldn’t help but to wonder if that was because, for Beca, nights like this were a common occurrence.

“Bec, you look so tired. Can I-” without thinking she reached across and tried to push some of Beca’s hair off her forehead, but Beca jumped away like the touch would burn her, “can I help somehow?”

“What? No. No, I’m fine.”

“Okay. So, are you going to talk to me? At all?”

“Sorry,” Chloe watched Beca toss another side glance at her out of the corner of her eye, “I wasn’t trying to avoid you or anything, it’s just like, a lot of people. I’m  _always_  working. And these  _idiots,_ ” she sent a glare at Tony, “can’t figure out the difference between Bacardi and Grey Goose and it’s pissing my client off. Oh, also, I’m trying and failing to keep Stacie and her ‘hunter’ off of the married bass player so that when I see his wife next week I can look her in the eye.” Beca ran her hand through her hair and the strain on her face only grew, despite how much Chloe wanted to wrap herself around her and hug it away, she kept her distance.

“Do you always run around like this?”

“Kinda.”

“I didn’t know that was part of the job.”

“Yeaaaaah, it isn’t exactly. I mean, kinda but – I just - I really need these guys to be happy. The happier they are, the more clients my boss gives me and the more I will  _hopefully_  have when I start my own label. Anyway, I hope everyone is having fun and stuff despite the fact that I a, you know. I think my client is leaving soon so-” Someone from behind them shouted Beca’s name and she turned, “I gotta-I can’t talk to you right now” and Beca dashed off.

Chloe watched her go, crushed.

‘I can’t talk to  _you_  right now’? Not, I can’t talk right now or I’ll get back to ya, Chloe but ‘I can’t talk to  _you_ right now’?

That one...hurt...a lot.

But it had been something.

She crossed her arms and chewed on the inside of her cheek. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself, trying to bounce back.

No big deal. She hadn’t meant it like that. She would wait until Beca’s clients were gone and she was back with them full time, then she would try again.

Only, it didn’t help.

An hour later Beca appeared beside them, grinning and announcing she was free.

The party picked up tenfold. Beca ushered them into one of the little private rooms on the third floor and they had a dance party all of their own.

Finally, seeing that Beca was all about having a good time now, Chloe went to their tiny little micro bar and asked for two shots.

“Thank you!” She gave the bartender a wink and turned, balancing a very full shot in each hand. Across the room Beca was sitting beside Amy on the couch, laughing and rolling her eyes. She had a drink in hand and for the first time since they arrived, she looked like she could take a deep breath. That’s great! That’s so great. They could get the ball rolling, a few drinks and then maybe a quick talk and who knew, maybe things could start getting better between them.

It was Amy’s eyes she caught first and with a smile, she gave a slight nod toward Beca. She couldn’t hear what Amy said, but she saw her smack Beca’s thigh and gesture toward her.

Beca searched for a second and Chloe was surprised to feel that she was - nervous. Maybe she was asking for too much; she had no idea what had driven Beca away, but maybe it was  _bad_.

But then...what if Beca hadn’t been lying? What if it really had only been work? I mean, look at her tonight, look at how busy she had been. She was totally going to come over, she decided. She was going to come over and they were going to talk and it was going to be awesome and everything would be fine.

Beca’s eyes finally found her in the crowd and Chloe grinned, holding up the shots and jerking her head in summons.

Beca held her gaze for a second and Chloe felt her grin build, her stomach doing happy little summersaults.

Then Beca simply looked away, back to Amy, continuing her conversation as though nothing had interrupted it.

Chloe gasped like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over her head. She saw Amy gesture again, but Beca didn’t look back, just shook her head and continued on with whatever they had been discussing.

“Ashley,” she grabbed the nearest Bella and since she suddenly couldn’t trust her voice not to shake, she just handed her the second shot.

Alright. Then. Maybe this really was over. Maybe she would simply never know why she had lost one of the most important people in her life. Maybe that was just the way it was.

She and Ashley took the shot and with a hip bump and a wink Chloe began to search the room again, this time looking for Aubrey. She was smiling, she knew she was. It was just what she did when it hurt. She smiled.

She finally found her in the corner, Hunny pressed tightly beside her. She couldn’t really read Aubrey’s face but it stood somewhere between drunken intrigue and fear.

She didn’t really want to interrupt whatever - that was - but, “Brey?”

Aubrey’s expression cleared the moment she saw the look on Chloe’s face and without hesitation she pushed away from Hunny, “What happened?”

Chloe spent a few minutes explaining, fighting hard to stop that hitch in her voice. If she gave into that then she would cry - or worse she would begin to whistle...and she really didn’t want to do either of those things right now.

“You’re kidding!” Aubrey growled, closing a protective arm around her and Chloe was grateful.

Why had that hurt so much? She had been brushed off by Beca before; it had been a common occurrence at the beginning of their friendship and it was obviously the reason that they were here in their friendship right now.

She could hear Aubrey talking to someone behind them, but under the safety of Aubrey’s arm Chloe looked away, back toward Beca.

She couldn’t help it. She felt silly doing so, but…

Beca wasn’t looking at her. As a matter of fact, Beca was avoiding her general direction completely, as though she knew exactly where Chloe was in the room. The pain around her heart gave a squeeze.

She watched as Hunny took a seat in Beca’s lap, her arms wrapping around her. Even from across the room Chloe saw quite distinctly when Hunny sifted something onto her wrist, offering it to Beca.

Chloe’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Was that? She watched as Beca, without a second thought, leaned to it and took a huge whiff. Then, despite their distance, Chloe heard a distinct scream of, “JESUS CHRIST, THAT WAS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS! THE FUCK! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” And then, “THAT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, HUNNY!”

Chloe blinked, stunned. It was like watching a dog walk on two legs, or an upside down rainbow. Since  _when_  had that been Beca’s thing? She glanced up at Aubrey, but she was still distracted, looking the other way.

Chloe watched, slightly panicked as Hunny laughed, nudging Beca’s face with her nose before moving in, pulling Beca into a deep, reaching kiss.

The movement of Chloe looking quickly away again seemed to have finally alerted Aubrey to her distress, “What’s wrong?”

Chloe wordlessly shook her head.

They watched together as Hunny pulled out of the kiss – after a long while - and together they stood, pushing the other Bellas back to their feet so the dance party could begin again.

Watching the easy friendship Beca offered the other Bellas - it was just too much for her, “Brey, do you mind if we go now?”

“Nope. Not - at - all,” Aubrey gave her a stiff smile and, hand protectively on Chloe’s shoulder, they started toward the door; Aubrey mumbling under her breath as they went. Chloe couldn’t quite catch it, but she knew she definitely heard the word ‘aca-bitch’ somewhere in there.

Chloe’s mind was racing as she replayed that moment over and over again; Beca taking whatever Hunny had offered to her, Hunny’s tongue going down Beca’s throat; her stomach uncomfortably cramped and tight.

She had hoped by this time tonight she and Beca would have worked out their problem – or at least talked about it. Instead, she realized as she stepped into the fresh summer air, now she was only more concerned...maybe even a little scared.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

In so many ways the night before had been uncomfortable and not really what Chloe had been hoping for - and yet exactly what she had dreamed it would be. She had a blast with the Bellas, they were just as wonderful as they had always been and she had danced her ass off all night in a way she hadn’t done in so long.

Aubrey had been so drunk that she hadn’t bothered to change her clothes or remove her makeup before face planting on her bed and snoring away. In truth, seeing Aubrey that way had brought a small smile to Chloe’s face because Aubrey rarely let go like that; it just wasn’t the way her father taught her to be. Chloe was almost proud of her. Yes, it had been very hard getting the uncoordinated woman up the stairs to their room, but it was well worth it, especially when she thought back to Aubrey’s smile as they stumbled companionably down the hall together.

However, she  _hadn’t_  gotten a chance to speak to Beca. She had tried all night, but instead she had just run around after her like a silly puppy and then had left hurt.

 

The next morning it was Chloe who woke first, long before Aubrey, something that rarely happened in the days of old. Her eyes opened in the early morning light and her first thoughts were the same as the last before she fell asleep; Beca and Hunny, Beca’s tired face and the grin that had been missing all evening; the one that Chloe had always loved, the one that lit up Beca’s cynical face like a firework.

She was too unsettled, too uncomfortable to lay there so she decided not to let herself dwell, building her panic as she was known to do. She rose and headed downstairs to swim a few laps in the pool in place of her usual morning run.

She liked exercise. It was something that Alice had instilled in all of her Bellas, refusing to have any out of breath ‘slut bags’ drawing focus during a performance. She and Aubrey had teamed up as workout buddies at the age of eighteen and it had been a habit of hers ever since. It was relaxing and the absolute best way she had found thus far for relieving - various stresses. She always had running shoes on hand, if she could, as well as a yoga mat. She had taken to yoga when she first moved to L.A., taking class after class. Eventually she had stumbled onto Vinyasa, a type of yoga that was perhaps a little more intense than the typical and she had fallen in love. She loved the way her body felt as she breathed deep, as she pushed; she loved discovering the things her body could do. She loved the breathing and the meditation, the way it cleared her mind and centered her back into herself. She loved the quiet touch of sensuality to it. She loved it all so much and had so much free time in Henderson over the last years that she had become an expert and then, decided to make it official and become a certified teacher. She didn’t do much with it; just a class once a week at a local gym. She hadn’t gotten the license  _to_ teach as much as simply because she could and there had been no reason not to.

She was surprised to meet Stacie on her way down to the pool, but she shouldn’t have been, Stacie was never as drunk as she seemed - she was pretty much willing to dance and throw herself at people no matter her state of intoxication. It was one of the reasons Chloe had always liked Stacie, she didn’t need alcohol to be fun; something Chloe liked to think they had in common.

 

She was back upstairs, showered and dressed by the time that Aubrey finally woke.

“Uhuuuuuughhhhg” was the first sign of life from the woman across from her. Chloe just smiled from her bed where she was sitting with a book. She had tried reading but that wasn’t working for her very well, her mind kept drifting back to the night before, worried. She had settled instead for letting it sit there, open in her lap while she stared at the print and thought.

“ _What the hell_  did she give me to drink last night?”

“A lot,” Chloe answered the rhetorical question with a touch of amusement.

Aubrey’s makeup smeared face lifted to glare at her.

Chloe loved being allowed to see this disheveled version of Aubrey, very few were, but she supposed she had held Aubrey’s hair back enough over the years that hiding it would have been pointless.

“Drink that.” She had stopped by the gift shop on her way back from the pool and grabbed a handful of aspirin and a very large coconut water.

Aubrey took a large swallow and sprayed the bed with the opaque liquid, snorting and looking disgusted, “What  _is_  that?”

Chloe had to school her expression as she explained, “It’s so much better for a hangover than water, trust me. Drink up.” She could almost  _see_ what Beca’s grin would have looked like if she had been the one in the bed across from her, she could almost see the affectionate eye roll and hear Beca mutter, ‘hippie’.

“How long do we have?” Aubrey grimaced as she swallowed the liquid down and took the pills.

“About an hour. I ran into Stacie this morning and she thought we should all just meet downstairs. It’s easier than trying to find a restaurant nearby.”

“You ran into Stacie?”

“She was going to the hotel gym while I was going to do laps in the pool.” Chloe jumped forward at Aubrey’s green face, thinking that perhaps she needed the trashcan S.T.A.T., the thought of exercise too much for her. Aubrey was such a  _violent_  vomiter and Chloe really didn’t want to be covered in it this morning. “I didn’t have nearly as much as you last night,” she gave her an apologetic smile.

Aubrey ignored the offered trashcan, massaging her scalp and thinking hard, “Did I almost go home with Hunny?”

“Umm, if you did then that’s news to me. She was very - friendly though. You said she wanted to kiss you. Oh my god, Brey!  _Did you_?”

Aubrey’s face just dropped back to the pillows with another groan.

“ _Was_  she trying to get you to go home with her?” Chloe asked, trying for innocent and pulling off mildly scandalized at best.

“I don’t know. My mind is a little - fuzzy.”

“Isn’t she with Beca?”

“I don’t know!”

She watched Aubrey’s face turn green again, “Brey, um, maybe you should get in the shower. I bet you’ll feel loads better.”

Aubrey gave a small nod, standing to gather her belongings and then locked herself away in the bathroom. She heard the water click on and with a sigh, she tried to go back to her book but once again her mind kept drifting.

She was worried.

It was true that she could make an Olympic sport of worrying, she was incredibly good at it; but this time she had good reason.

Beca had run herself ragged the night before and then when she probably should have gone home for a good night sleep, she had instead hit the bar - as well as other things. And Hunny had been all over Aubrey last night, plus she had been dancing pretty suggestively with  _her_  as well - did Beca know?

It was true that it was painful to know that Beca was so upset with her, it hurt to see such a blank stare in her eyes, but if her girlfriend was all over other women then she should say something, right? That was just kind of girl code, right? Then again -  _were_  they girlfriends? Beca had always had a possessive side with those she cared about. Chloe knew it well, as it used to come out about her all of the time when they were drinking together; a few drinks in and suddenly Beca wanted her all to herself. Honestly, Chloe had always secretly kind of liked it...and had found that it was a bit of a habit of her own as well.

 

Perhaps Hunny wasn’t what was really bothering her. Perhaps the real question that was bothering her, the one that had her up so early and swimming more laps that she normally would was this: was Beca okay?

 

* * *

 

 

Aubrey appeared from the bathroom forty minutes later looking like Aubrey again, her hair gently curled in a blouse and perfectly crisp jeans. “You’re right. That coconut water did taste absolutely terrible but it seems to have done the trick. I’ll have to keep that in mind for the retreat.”

“That would come in handy there?”

“You would be surprised.”

 

They gathered their belongings back into their bags, perhaps a bit gloomily, for an easy post breakfast checkout and headed downstairs to meet the Bellas.

 

They all definitely looked a little worse for wear, all except Amy who seemed to have had double what everyone else had and yet was chipper as always.

“Look at these sad twigs; this is what you get for lacking in fat power! Bring on the eggs and bacon!”

The rest of the Bellas just glared at her, rubbing their temples and looking longingly at the to-go cups of coffee in the other patron’s hands.

“How was the rest of your night?” Chloe asked as softly as she could and still received a few winces.

Jessica groaned, leaning heavily on Ashley and burying her face.

“We closed the place down,” Cynthia Rose grumbled into her hands, “and then we stayed for an extra two hours when it was empty. That little shit learned how to party since college.”

“It really was fun, too bad you had to go, Chlo.”

Chloe just smiled at Stacie, choosing to ignore the knowing question in her eyes. Instead she gave her a small shoulder bump and a smile.

“You looked like you were having a good time, Aubrey.”

Chloe hadn’t seen Emily in the background. Despite her sunglasses indoors, she looked better than everyone else but still a little rough around the edges. Chloe couldn’t remember if she had indulged quite as much as the other Bellas, but she supposed if this was her typical routine then she probably knew her limits a bit more than the others; that or she was simply still drunk. The girl had come to them so green that the first time the Bellas had gotten their little legacy good and drunk the poor girl had stayed that way for a full twenty-four hours before her hangover began.

Aubrey sniffed, straightening her blouse, “Yes well, it was a nice vacation from the land of adulthood. Are we waiting for a table? I’ll go put the reservation in,” and she strolled by them with all the Aubrey authority they knew and, well, saying they loved it might be a stretch, but they certainly all knew it well enough.

“I can’t believe we’re all leaving this morning,” Chloe sighed, hugging Lilly to her. “We only just got here. I’m not ready to let you all go!”

“Yeah, I know. It’s too bad.” Stacie sighed.

“Ladies.” Aubrey nodded from the door, “They have a table ready that will fit all of us.”

“But Beca and Hunny aren’t here yet sooo...” Flo said, looking around the group as though she might have missed them or perhaps they would just magically appear.

“I could really do with a cup of coffee,” Ashley hedged.

“Exactly. They can meet us inside. Come on. Let’s go.”

The Bellas all stood, habitually following Aubrey’s demands. The woman  _was_  good at giving orders.

Still, the moment everyone had a cup of coffee they were grateful for her insistence and the atmosphere changed from I-think-I’m-dying to fairly chipper.

“That place plays some sick music, though, right?” Emily asked from beside her, animatedly caught up in the conversation. Chloe had to take back her earlier analysis of the girl; she smelled like she had gone swimming in a vat of whiskey the night before. It was a powerful scent.

“Oh yeah, totally. I don’t think I’ve danced like that in years.”

“I would have thought married life would have robbed you of the ability to dance like that at all, Chlo! Hips of fire! Dayamn!”

Chloe rolled her eyes at Stacie, trying not to think about just how very right she was. “You know she be rockin!” She cried to cover the thoughts in her head, teasingly rolling in her seat and snapping.

That got the other girls laughing and their laughter, thankfully, blew the negative thought away.

“You should see that place on Thursday nights.” Emily let out a huff, finishing off her mimosa as though just the thought of it exhausted her, “They turn it into an all lesbian club and the place goes  _wild_. I swear every lesbian within three hundred miles is there.”

“Damn! Why didn’t Beca tell us? I would have come early!” Cynthia Rose cried, starting in on her second cup of Joe.

 

The Bellas had been in the restaurant for an hour, Amy and Emily starting to get a bit hangry when Beca and Hunny finally showed up.

The night before Chloe hadn’t been able to stop herself from appreciating Beca’s look, the pants, the top, the sexy confidence on her face. Today, however, it looked like she and Hunny had just rolled out of bed - possibly with the flu. They both had on huge comfortable looking tee shirts and stylish, but baggy sweatpants. Both of them had their hair pulled sloppily back and, like Emily, despite the fact that they were indoors they both still wore huge sunglasses.

Oh god, Beca, what are you doing to yourself?

They fumbled their way across the restaurant and toward the table as though the floor was made of glue and each movement was a struggle.

“Errr, sorry we’re late.” Beca yawned, “We’re not really - morning - people.”

“Good morning!” Aubrey cried loud enough to make everyone with a hangover wince, “well, don’t you two look like shit,” Aubrey said with a little innocent laugh. Chloe looked away, knowing it was for her benefit that Aubrey was being ruder than normal.

“Wow.” Hunny said under her breath, pulling her hair back into a tighter bun.

Beca’s lips just pursed as they took the two empty seats, “Aubrey, Hunny, Hunny, Aubrey…she’s always  _super_  pleasant.”

“ _We met last night_.” Hunny said, pulling off her sunglasses and giving Aubrey an open wink.

Chloe frowned.

 

Breakfast was the definition of uncomfortable. Beca and Hunny got a plate of pancakes to share and then simply picked at them. Beca was quiet, or at least, she was quiet with Chloe. She would answer if asked a direct question, which was  _something_  Chloe supposed, only, she was absolutely normal with everyone else, laughing and teasing. When she cracked a joke about the night before it was so good that Amy shot her drink through her nose, and yet...nothing felt like it was on even footing. Somehow the strange tension between them seemed to radiate through the group, peppering the whole meal with awkward, that is until Hunny finally turned to Chloe; then it was as though someone had said fuck it, unscrewed the cap and poured it on by the handful.

“So Chloe. What are you doing out there in Vegas? That must be so much fun. L.A. is great but Vegas is always better!”

“Oh! We’re actually about thirty minutes from Las Vegas but it’s nice. We never run out of things to do.” Though, she couldn’t remember the last time she had gone into Vegas, not since she quit her job probably.

“So what do you do now that you’re out there? Do you still teach? I’ve asked this one here but she doesn’t seem to know.”

Chloe couldn’t help but to glance at Beca who was, yet again, not looking at her, “Yeah, right now I’m mostly teaching lessons.”

“Singing lessons?”

“Voice, that’s right.”

“What kind of stuff do you teach them?” Hunny seemed to notice that the table was looking at her strangely, “Oh I’m sorry, I’ve just seen so many pictures and heard so many stories about you, about all of you but it’s  _always_  Chlo this and Chlo that. She talks about you all of the time!”

To Chloe’s surprise, this bothered her. If she was always talking about her, then why wouldn’t she talk  _to_  her? “Oh really?” She scoffed, watching Beca’s focus narrow on a corner of napkin.

“I’m sure she’s exaggerating,” Beca finally said, moodily picking at the pancake in front of her, looking like a sulky teenager.

“I am not!” Hunny laughed, smacking Beca on the arm and sending the tiny girl nearly sprawling from her seat.

“Pretty sure you  _are_ , Hun.”

Chloe’s lips pursed. If she threw her flax muffin at the side of Beca’s head, would that make her look at her?

If she - or Hunny or Beca for that matter, had taken just a second to look around then they would have seen matching looks of discomfort on each of the Bellas faces.

“What are you always saying, Bec?” Chloe asked with a sweet smile. Okay, so she was feeling a little...annoyed...

Beca just shifted a little lower in her seat and began to pick faster.

“You must have epic college stories about her.”

Chloe leaned in as Hunny leaned over Beca toward her, “Oh yeah,  _totes_.”

 

****

 

This so had to be punishment for avoiding her former best friend or something, right? Was Hunny kidding with this? She did _not_  talk about Chloe all of the time...probably not...maybe... Beca could feel her face was on fire behind her sunglasses and she had to wonder if they were both just fucking with her. That would be like both of them.

Chloe leaned in a little closer, her mouth opening and Beca had absolutely no idea what she was going to say but whatever it was, it probably wasn’t something she wanted relived in this moment. “Okay!” Beca cried, pushing Hunny back over into her own seat, “Enough of that! Hunny, isn’t it time for you to go smoke or something?”

“You’re not going to come with me? Smokers never go out alone.”

“Yeah, how long have you been a smoker, Bec?” Chloe casually asked with a tilt of her head.

“Aren’t you worried about your voice?” Jessica backed her up.

“Yeah, well, I don’t use it all of that much anymore.” Beca tossed Hunny a glare and she seemed to get the point.

“Alright, I’m going. Nicotine here I come. You and I will talk later.” Hunny grinned at Chloe and in response Chloe gave her a wink.

Oh my god,  _were_  they kidding? She’s winking now? She winks at everything but she’s winking  _about_ her now? Like, right fucking in front of her even?

She wanted to just let her face drop to the table so she could hide.

They fell into another weird silence once Hunny was gone. Beca knew it was her fault, no one, not even Amy knew how to respond if Beca and Chloe weren’t talking to one another and it made everything a little weird. It was as though they were trying to stand there together on flooring with no foundation below it. ‘Bloe’ as Amy used to call them, had always been their bottom line, even when Aubrey held the pitch pipe. They couldn’t fall apart because Bloe had them. Beca knew she needed to think of something to say but nothing was coming to mind at all, nothing she  _could_ say anyway. That’s why she could have thrown Cynthia Rose her own freaking party when she finally said, “Well, I don’t know about you guys but I don’t want to leave yet. It went by too damn quickly.”

The rest of the table nodded, mumbling their agreement.

“Maybe we should plan a yearly thing and actually do it,” Ashley suggested, looking around hopefully.

She didn’t know what the hell possessed her, maybe it was her hangover because she certainly had not agreed to this but suddenly Beca was speaking, “If you guys don’t want to leave yet then don’t. Stay for the rest of the weekend. Actually, stay a little longer. I’m sure someone at the studio can exchange your tickets without a charge. Tuesday flights are so easy to get out of here.” She looked up and saw the whole table looking at her, openly surprised, “They do it all of the time. I mean, I’ll have to be out almost every night but you guys can come too, if you want, and meet some of my clients. Plus, my place is huge. There’s plenty of room for all of you if you’re willing to double up which…you know...we all slept together in Aub’s farty tent once so…” She didn’t like how their faces all remained frozen in surprise. Geez, so things were weird with her and Chloe but it wasn’t like she had been weird with them. What the hell? Okay, so maybe she didn’t want them to go yet, fine, whatever. No, she had no idea how she was going to deal with, you know, Chloe - and the fact that she was always looking at her - but she wasn’t ready to not see the Bellas again for two more years.

She had  _feelings_. Surprise, surprise.

Finally Stacie scoffed, “Hang out in L.A. for the weekend and meet celebrities? Count me in.”

Beca felt a smile start at the corner of her lips and went back to picking at her plate to hide her pleasure.

“Hells yeah! L.A. here we come! We’re gonna rip this town apart, right Legacy?” Amy cheered, slapping her gut a few times before she and Emily clinked mimosa glasses together in a toast.

Beca didn’t mean to, she didn’t even want to, but suddenly her eyes shifted from Amy’s exuberant face to her left - to Chloe. She started ever so slightly when she saw Chloe was already watching her, those blue eyes flickering, concentration on her face. She could see the turmoil there, as though she wasn’t sure that the invitation also extended to her and that her uncertainty about that caused her pain.

Should she say something? She should totally say something. But what? There was nothing to say that wouldn’t just point out the weirdness. She hated that she was the reason for that look.

God, she sucked.

Why was it that because she was in love with her a million freaking years ago - and yeah - she’s still like, totally freakishly hot and her smile was kind of amazing - and her laugh did funny things to her stomach - why did all of that mean, she couldn’t act like a normal person now?

Chloe was invited to stay...right? I mean...she had to be if she wanted the other Bellas to stay.

Beca glanced again and caught Chloe looking to Aubrey, asking a silent question. Aubrey shrugged and gave her friend a little smile.

Apparently Chloe and Aubrey were on board too and for a second Beca almost wished she hadn’t offered. Why had she offered? The hell was she thinking? What happened to in and out and over?

It’s cool. No big deal. Just Beca acting like an idiot again.

 

* * *

 

It was strange pulling into her lot a little while later knowing that the cars following her were full of Bellas and all of their stuff. It was almost as though she had never expected these two worlds to meet, current life and Bella life...queerballs.

“You okay?”

“Hmm?” Beca jumped when Hunny spoke. “What? Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been weird.”

“Wha- I’m not being weird! You’re - weird- being weird. I’m fine! There’s no - weird, the fact that you’d ask is what’s weird. I’m not...weird.” Hunny’s eyebrows shot up and she began to laugh. “ _Shut up_!” She got out and closed the door in Hunny’s face.

“You sure you’re gonna have room for us, Beca?” Jessica asked as the Bellas shoved themselves and their bags into the lobby elevator.

“Oh yea-”

But Aubrey cut her off; “Chloe and I can extend our room so that’s more space for you.”

Beca just shrugged, torn by how that made her feel. That’s probably smart, only…”Alright, come on up.”

Ugh, she needed a cigarette, a drink and a nap. In that order, please.

“Welcome to casa de Beca.” She called over her shoulder as she let them in, dropping her keys on the side table. Should the sunglasses come off? It was probably fine now, her headache had dulled to a low hum, but just as she reached up to take them off Chloe and Aubrey walked in, Chloe giving her a small smile. A whiff of the woman came with her, all hair products, makeup, and perfume. Nope. Glasses good.

“Wheeew!” Amy whistled, looking around. “Yeaaaaaah, I guess this will do, short stuff.”

“Damn Beca, you got your own pool? Ain’t nobody got a pool in Maine, girl!” Cynthia Rose cried, looking out her patio door.

Beca let out a snort she didn’t really mean to release, “Of course I do, this is L.A.” and she, Hunny and Emily laughed at the joke for a second, “Errr, no, I throw a lot of parties for the studio so…err, yeah. I threw one for Flashlight here when her album dropped not so long ago, huh?” In truth, it was one of the nice things about working for P.J. and another reason why she was nervous about walking. P.J. didn’t like to have parties at his place so he and the studio had upgraded Beca from her small, but perfectly acceptable condo to this giant one. It wasn’t necessary and honestly it was too big for a single person ...and the rent was kind of more than she would prefer... but it kind of felt like being on vacation every day and the best part, there was a dinky little soundboard and isolation studio upstairs where Beca spent any free time she had...which wasn’t much.

“Oh my gosh, it was so much fun!” Emily grinned, waving her hands in excitement.

Beca grinned back; this was one of her secret pleasures. Emily had moved to Hollywood to drop her first album as soon as she graduated. She had instantly become the best of friends with Hunny, which meant she had quickly fallen into the same lifestyle Beca had, the lifestyle P.J. created and promoted. But while the girl’s look had changed from innocent hippie to mid-career Christina Aguilera, every now and then she still sounded like the gun shy and enthusiastic Flashlight that Beca had known in her senior year.

She glanced behind Emily and saw the same smile on Chloe’s face. She wondered for just a moment if that smile was for the same reason before she cleared her throat and started to move away, only- she blinked, confused for a moment, what was that hissing sound?

She turned and realized Lilly was speaking.

“What?”

She watched as Lilly spoke again and yet again Beca picked up nothing. She let out a laugh; apparently some things never change.

“Well, I think we all know what our first priority is…” Amy said with a sly grin.

They all returned it with ones of their own and shouted, “Pool party” while Amy grinned and cried at the same time, “Skinny dipping-oooh, right, pool paaarty...”

They all stared at her as she just scratched her stomach, looking around as though it hadn’t been her who had spoken.

 

It was plenty warm enough for swimming, which was another benefit and downfall of living in L.A. It got hot around May and it stayed hot until around November.

Beca showed the Bellas where they could sleep, letting them hash out who got the two spare rooms and who had to sleep on the couches and went to change.

 

* * *

 

 

If she had known, she would never have agreed to a damn afternoon by the pool. She would have said the pool had just been leveled and that they should go see the sights or something, anything because Jesus Christ. She had thrown on her bikini top and shorts, her mind debating over the benefits of making early afternoon margaritas or daiquiris and the fact that tonight she had a rare free night. She had been  _fine_  as she had headed out to the pool with a cigarette dangling from her lips. She had been totally fine. Hunny had started to set up the little bar Beca kept stocked by the back of the patio and she had been good; happy to have the Bellas around her - even Aubrey.

Then she had turned, putting her back to the breeze to light that cigarette - and she had almost lit her face on fire.

Aubrey had needed something to swim in since she hadn’t packed a swimsuit, which - who doesn’t pack a swimsuit when coming to L.A.? Beca had teasingly enjoyed the look on Aubrey’s face when she had handed her the skimpiest bikini that she owned, but the rest of the Bellas had insisted they brought something that would work.

So there Beca was standing with the flame lit a few inches from her face and her cigarette resting idly in the fire, charring.

Chloe had just stepped out onto the patio in a small, multicolored tribal patterned handkerchief bikini…and Beca wasn’t sure if she was going to make it.

Jesus Christ.

The breeze blew, putting out Beca’s flame and with it Chloe’s hair went wild, blowing around her face. Chloe laughed, reaching to pull it back.

Was she  _kidding?_ Nope. She wasn’t going to fucking make it.

“Meeeyaow. Look at that!” Beca’s scowl was so hard that she felt a muscle threaten to pull as Hunny slid the top of her sunglasses down to get a better look at Chloe’s bare skin across the patio. “You really mean to tell me that all through college and all those years after, you never tried to fuck that?”

“I WASN’T GAY THEN!” She hadn’t meant to say it, it wasn’t even true since she had known about her feelings for Chloe long before then... and she definitely hadn’t meant to  _shout_  it. It had just happened, popped out of her mouth so fast that some could call it Pavlovian.

She froze, sucking in her lips and wincing. Right. Errrr, oops. That might have been a bit of an overreaction…just a little bit.

Thankfully, it was only the closest Bellas who were looking at her, wondering what the hell and why the hell Beca had just shouted - and Chloe. Chloe was looking over at her with open curiosity, a few tendrils of loose hair falling around her face.

Oh shit, she was coming over here. Fuck, abort mission, abort mission!

She didn’t even know what mission it was that needed to be aborted.

“Bex,” Hunny said, sauntering over and giving her a kiss that would have left Beca breathless if she had any breath left to take, “I’ve been in your bed. I hate to break it to you, but you’ve  _always_  been gay.”

Beca couldn’t identify the sound that came out of her mouth, something of a grunt, hiss, choking noise.

“Looking good, lady!” Hunny grinned over at Chloe as she moved back toward the condo.

And then Chloe was there...beside her...wearing that…

“Hey Bec.”

“Heeeeeeeey, Chlo - e, uuuhhh, Chloe.” Beca was still leaning heavily to one side from Hunny’s kiss and she couldn’t get herself to straighten.

Dude. Stand up, Bec!

“What are you making?” Chloe asked with a small chin jerk and a look on her face that Beca knew. She was trying very hard not to laugh at Beca’s strange twisting stance.

For a split second, the mirth on Chloe’s face brought a bubble of hysterical laughter to Beca’s throat, the kind of laughter you find yourself laughing just because  _she_  is. She swallowed it back down. “Um, I’m not sure yet, actually.”

“Can I help? I’m good at mixing drinks.”

This one she couldn’t stop. Beca lit the smoldering cigarette and let out a loud snort.

“Hey! I will have you know that I make a great drink - now.”

Beca remembered Chloe’s concoctions from their past, her wildly inventive and horribly uneven drinks. She had many a hangover under her belt because Chloe felt ‘inspired’ by a new drink idea the night before. She still couldn’t touch any color of Curaçao thanks to this woman. Chloe had mixed who knows what with the alcohol and had looked so disappointed when all the Bellas had _run_  from the drink that Beca drank it all night, enjoying the pleased smile she got from Chloe with every disgusting sip. The evening had ended with Beca violently and repeatedly sick on the Bellas lawn and Chloe feeling so bad that she cried as she sang ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ to her. Beca hadn’t minded the getting sick so much, embarrassing as it had been, because she had done it in Chloe’s tight embrace and because Chloe had refused to let Beca go the rest of the night. When Beca was finally through, they had cuddled together on the couch, Chloe’s arms around her waist and her chin nestled against the back of Beca’s neck as they slept double.

Remembering that night made Beca want to smile...which made her want to cry, “I er, I better get the limes.”

Beca didn’t turn around again until she was in her kitchen, gathering limes she wasn’t even sure she needed. She felt better with a wall between them, even if it was glass. She didn’t want to think of those things. She didn’t want to think about how it had felt to wake up the next morning with Chloe wrapped around her or the fact that she had turned in the night so Chloe’s face had been planted against her throat. She didn’t want to think about all the lesbian jokes the other Bellas had made, which had filled her with such hope and confusion because she had known she loved Chloe for years before she realized she was gay. She just...she couldn’t think about those things anymore.

She felt bad that she couldn’t stay beside Chloe, but - guess she didn’t need to feel too bad, it seemed Hunny had taken up her post for her and...DID SHE JUST BRUSH A FINGER DOWN CHLOE’S SIDE?

What the shit? What the actual fuck? She was pretty cool with whatever and whomever Hunny wanted to do, they barely counted as a couple, but really? She had just watched Hunny trail her knuckle from ribs to hip, across Chloe’s impressively tight stomach. There was no mistaking that! The hell was she doing?

Not that she could blame Hunny.

It had been years since she had seen Chloe like this…so scantily clad...had her thighs always been that smooth, that perfectly shaped…had her calves been that toned, yet soft...her belly...her...

“Bex...Bex...BECA!”

“What?” Beca jumped, dropping the limes and flushing guiltily. She hadn’t been doing anything!

“You didn’t hear me calling you?”

“What?” She turned to Emily, hoping that her face wasn’t as red as it felt from the inside.

“What were you doing? You okay?”

“Hmmm?” Beca asked just to give herself time. She was totally fine. She hadn’t just completely zoned out staring at her best friend - her former best friend’s boobs, no way, not at all.

Crap.

“I was calling you from right here.” Emily spent a second eyeing her nervously, “I know that Hunny likes to provide the -  _favors_  - for the party and, you know, stuff, but maybe we had better be a little more careful. I’m worried that last batch was dirty. You’ve been so out of it all day.”

“I uh -” Beca couldn’t think of a response so she just moved around her friend and continued back outside.

 

* * *

 

 

It could be a damn track competition: The ‘Avoiding Chloe Hundred Meter Dash’ followed by its close competitor ‘Don’t Look At Chloe In Her Bikini Relay Race’. She was doing a decent job at the first. It helped that she was playing hostess so every time Chloe approached - which felt like constantly - she could simply go and refill someone’s drink. The second event, however, she was failing at miserably...hell, she hadn’t even started. The pistol had gone off but instead of running she had pushed off and landed square on her face in the mud. It didn’t help that Hunny was glued to Chloe’s side, laughing, making drinks and probably swapping stories about  _her_. The idea made her want to...she didn’t know...do something...about it...but if she couldn’t even think of anything then...god damn it!

The problem was that this was fucking Chloe...the woman who had been her best friend...the woman she had loved...so even as she was running from her all afternoon, she was also wishing she wasn’t. A freaking lot. The pull to stay still, to talk to her, to be part of her again was overwhelming. She just...she fucking couldn’t, not knowing that Chloe was married, not knowing that Chloe was straight, not knowing that she would always feel these things that Chloe wasn’t. No, she just couldn’t do that...and she couldn’t talk to her without wanting to say fuck it and taking one for the I-Secretly-Heart-Chloe-Beale team - nope, no, that wasn’t right - it was Chloe Cavanaugh now. So no, she couldn’t. Even if she still wanted to, no matter how many times she told herself that Chloe could  _never_ love her.

“Bec-”

Speak of the devil. She wished that Chloe would just stop trying. It wasn’t like Beca was giving off the I-want-to-talk-and-rekindle-our-friendship vibe, right? So why couldn’t she just leave her alone? Then again, backing down was not really something that Chloe did. When she had her mind set on something she was going to get it done and she clearly had her mind set on talking to Beca.

Beca grabbed her phone from her pocket as though it were ringing and started back toward the opposite side of the patio, “Sorry I gotta-”

It was fine, though...no big deal that every freaking time she ran from her there was Hunny, waiting to swoop in.

She stopped on the opposite side of the pool, taking a second to check that everyone seemed like they were having fun. Huge smiles all around. But when she looked up and directly across the pool, her own smile dropped like lead. Beca had assumed it would be Aubrey, who was five miles of walking, talking leg and torso, that Hunny would have been drooling over, but apparently Hunny had moved on from that fascination after their little make out session the night before. Beca watched, slack-jawed as Hunny lit a cigarette for herself, pulled a deep drag and then flicked the ash. After a second, she let out a girlish little cry and Beca watched as she stepped close to Chloe, very close, and pretended to pull a small piece of cigarette ash from her eyebrow.

She had seen Hunny do this before; fuck that trick had worked on  _her_. It had happened ten minutes before Hunny’s tongue was down Beca’s throat for the first time.

She knew that move.

Fucking seriously? She knew that move. She fucking -

She watched Chloe’s eyes flutter as the woman stepped closer, freezing so she didn’t get the fictitious ash in her eye then smiling kindly when Hunny stepped away. She looked so...fucking...goddamn it, beautiful wasn’t the word...so fucking - she couldn’t fucking stand -  _god damn it_. No. Hunny could have anyone she wanted. Literally anyone! But she was not going to let her try - no! “ _Hunny_!” Oh shit, she hadn’t meant to actually say anything. Not like this. Not when she was feeling so angry.

Both redheads looked up at her bark and Beca felt her stomach simultaneously flip and turn to acid under their gaze. She jerked her head toward the inside, satisfied when Hunny willingly followed her.

Beca went to the first room with a door to close, the bathroom. It was instantly clear that Hunny thought they were there for a very different reason but Beca shrugged her off, ignoring the playful nips to her neck. “Stop, stop you just - you gotta stop.”

“Stop what?” Hunny gave a little throaty laugh and pulled her in, nibbling on her ear in a way that made Beca’s already pounding heart rate pick up.

“Chloe.”

“Hmm?”

“Dude, will you stop?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Out there! You gotta stop! Okay.” Beca pointed her steepled fingers at her, “You can go after anyone you want, you know I don’t care, we’re not like that, I get it, I don’t wanna be like that, great. So go after Aubrey. Go after Stacie or Amy or Cynthia Rose or any of them but fucking leave Chloe alone.”

“What? Why?”

“She’s my best friend, dude!”

“Since when? You haven’t seen her in years and you won’t even talk to her! You’re kind of being a bitch.”

“Fuck you, asshole! Since always!”

“Since when have best friends been off the table?” Hunny bit her lip, trying to pull Beca back in.

“Hunny! Okay, try and listen to this. You can  _literally_  fuck anyone here, including me, I don’t care, anyone but Chloe.”

“What about little Flashlight?” Hunny said it knowing she was being a brat; Beca had also put the nix on Emily months before. “Fine. Fuck Emily. Whatever.” She said it so quickly that Hunny’s eyebrows shot skyward.

“Wow! I was only kidding about Emily, Bex.”

“Good. Leave Chloe alone.” She didn’t like the way her skin felt too tight, like it needed to crack and breathe.

“But I mean, did you see her in that bikini?”

“She’s straight, Hun.”

“I dunno, Bex, I think all of your friends are a little less straight than you seem to think, or at least open to it. I mean, you all sang a capella.”

“What does that even mean?”

Hunny just gave her that stupid annoying face she always made, the one that Beca never understood; that little side shrug and grin that made Beca wonder if she even heard her.

“Fine. Whatever. Why should I even - fucking - care?” She threw open the bathroom door harder than she meant to and stomped out, turning toward the outside, where she ran into...of course. Jesus!

“Hey, I just came in for the bathroom. Did I just hear my name in there?”

“I ju-I ca-” Beca’s fingers were cool against Chloe’s bare arms and the realization made her jump. She had probably grabbed her in an attempt not to barrel straight into her. She dropped them and with a few more strange not-word sounds, she started past her.

“Hey!” Chloe’s hand caught her wrist. “Look, Beca, I can see you’re still upset with me but can we - just for old times’ sake - talk a little bit? I just, I want to know how you are and what’s been happening in your life. Don’t you want to know about mine?”

Chloe was pulling on her and Beca couldn’t freaking breathe. She was pulling her back to her and she wanted to go into her arms so badly. She saw Chloe bite her lip; she saw the hope in her eyes. She couldn’t - she just couldn’t!

“Beca! Where are the strawberries?” Amy’s call from the patio was her damn saving grace.

“I gotta-” She pulled away but had to jump out of her reach quickly as brow tight, Chloe reached for her again. Spinning, and trying hard not to think, Beca took off fast.

The first thing she did as soon as she hit the bar was pour a tumbler full of her saving glory and swallow it down.

 

****

 

She was not crazy, she was sure of it. She heard them fighting about her but she missed what it was about. She watched Beca pull away from her, chewing her lip nervously. She had been trying to corner that girl all afternoon but with no luck. It was like the first time they sang together except this time she couldn’t get her into the stall where she could freaking hold her hostage with her nakedness until Beca relented.

But she  _had_  heard her name.

Why would Beca be yelling about her in the bathroom with Hunny?

This whole afternoon had been so confusing.

She had felt Beca’s eyes on her. All afternoon. She had  _felt_  them. So if she was looking at her then why wasn’t she talking to her? If she was looking at her then she couldn’t be all that mad, right? So why was she keeping her distance like this? It was kind of amazing, they were like polarized magnets, the closer Chloe got the further it pushed Beca away, each move she made was easily countered.

And Beca kept laughing at her jokes. There was even a point that afternoon when they were all standing around the outside bar that Chloe had made a joke about the infamous Gail Abernathy-McFadden-Feinberg and her ‘secret’ affair with John Smith. Beca had been the  _only_  one to laugh. Literally. The only one. She had coughed as soon as she realized that no one but her understood the joke and rushed on, turning on the blender for the daiquiris so no one could say anything - but she had laughed, damn it.

So - why?

She was keeping a positive attitude, Beca was mad and she could handle mad Beca - but it was starting to get to her just a little bit.

She watched Beca go, Hunny linking arms with her and she frowned.

It was strange how much of Beca was different. It wasn’t just the physical. It wasn’t just the new tattoos that Chloe was dying to examine up close. Somehow Beca seemed smaller than she had, more delicate, like she was living on a wire.

Maybe it was simply the fact that Beca wouldn’t look her in the eye.

 

Okay, chin up, Chloe. You have more time. Maybe you can stay behind tonight and try when everyone is gone. Beca has a thick shell, you know this, but you’ve always been an expert when it comes to getting under there. You can do this.

So she gave Beca space for the rest of the afternoon, trying to come up with some way to bridge the gap and get back into her best friend’s heart.

 

Finally the sun was setting and all of the Bellas were showered and fresh. They had all been drinking on and off throughout the day and planned on continuing, so Hunny had suggested getting something delivered for dinner. The girls had enthusiastically agreed, reminiscing about the times they had ordered takeout to the Bella house, watching TV in their pajamas and lying across one another. It was funny but it seemed as though everything triggered a Bella memory, didn’t it?

 

They put away an impressive amount of the delivery and then all fell, much like they would have in the years before, across one another on the couches and floors. Chloe ended up, belly full to exploding, with her head in Aubrey’s lap and she found that despite the cold spot across the room, she was at peace. This was nice.

“So ladies,” Chloe said with a sigh as Aubrey began to lightly play with the hair across her forehead, “We haven’t actually done much catching up. What is happening in your lives?”

“Yeah, Emily, I want to know what it was like recording an album!” Stacie groaned, barely rolling over in Cynthia Rose’s lap so she could see her.

“Strange. Yeah, it was weird. It was so much fun to do because you know, you’re all like yeah! But then it comes out and it’s so different.”

“Yeah, a lot of artists complain about that,” Beca supplied. “You go into the studio and it’s months of being all about the art and the music and shit. Then the moment it’s done suddenly it’s all about whether or not there will be a next one. It’s kinda depressing really, it turns into a numbers game.”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“ _Will_  there be a next one?” Flo asked Emily.

Emily shifted uncomfortably, “Um, it’s hard to say-”

“If she comes with me to my label there will be,” Beca said with a wink for their youngest Bella.

Chloe grinned; there was that confidence again.

“So Beca, are you trying to start your own label then?”

They spent a while going around the circle telling about their lives, their families. She had to fight back a blush when it was her turn because she had very little to report, but she was happy to know that her friends were all so happy in their lives. They even all shared a laugh at Hunny’s confusion when it was Lilly’s turn to speak. Chloe couldn’t be sure but she thought she heard the words ‘puppy’, ‘kamikaze’ and ‘shoes’, but that had to be in her head because that didn’t make any sense.

When that topic faded they spent a while reminiscing about school, about competitions, about Chloe’s wedding, and making Hunny, the outsider, laugh until tears were coming down her face. It wasn’t until fairly late that the conversation lulled for the first time and they all fell silent, somewhat sleepy and comfortable, taking a moment to simply be together. For the first time of the trip there was neither weird tension nor strange unspoken words, it was just the Bellas being the Bellas.

Chloe’s eyes were closed in Aubrey’s lap so she shouldn’t know who it was, but even after all of these years she knew all of their voices like she knew her own and so she was fully aware that it was Stacie who started to sing.

Warm tingles immediately brewed to life in Chloe’s stomach and she felt a smile blossom. This had always been the best part of the Bellas; the ease in which they could do this, sliding under and over one another. They had worked hard for this over the years, but she also knew that they had simply gotten very lucky, they all just fit like pieces of a beautiful puzzle.

The song was upbeat and fun and soon they were all dancing in their seats as they sang, grinning and throwing one another teasing glances.

She had forgotten how truly good it felt to sing with them and she had forgotten just how  _good_  they were at it! It was amazing, awesome even.

She could hear Lilly pick up the beatboxing rhythm beside her, across the way Ashley and Jessica picked up the effects and Chloe started to dance as well, her hands up in the air in front of her, her head rocking in Aubrey’s lap.

She used to sing like this all of the time, no restraint, no holding back, just belting at the top of her lungs because she could and it felt good. Perhaps at one time it was because she was living in the Bella house where music was the food they all thrived on and singing was just the byproduct, but she had kept it up into her early married life too. Life had gotten in the way of that. She didn’t know if it was her problems with Nick or just her weirdly suburban life but she had stopped singing in her second and third life and that was stupid, wasn’t it?

No. No more.

She wasn’t going to let that be true anymore. Right now, in this very moment, she felt more like herself than she had in a long time.

“Chloe, can you still do that thing?” Stacie asked, her fingers fluttering around her throat as if in explanation.

A small giggle popped from her as she nibbled on her lip. It had taken her a long time to get used to this but, taking a deep breath she sat up and let out a long deep bass note that sent all the Bellas into giggles.

“Yo, yo,” Cynthia Rose gasped barely containing herself, “remember when she used to sneak up behind us and do that shit? Scared the hell out of me, man!”

“I forgot I used to do that!” Chloe giggled, her hands over her mouth.

“I’m glad that one of us could forget.” Amy grumbled, moodily. She had always hated when Chloe did that.

“Oh my  _god_! You’re so pretty and feminine! Why the fuck can you do that?” Hunny cried, eyes wide.

“She had vocal nodules my freshman year and like a total  _genius_  she just sang  _with_  them for like months before getting them surgically removed. They fucked her shit up a little bit but it’s what put us over the edge in a lot of competitions.”

Chloe was flabbergasted. It was the closest that Beca had come to actually speaking to her thus far. Should she keep it going? She let her head fall back into Aubrey’s lap after a second, no, a little at a time. Instead, she just settled deeper into the lap and happily gave in when Aubrey began another song.

Maybe she just didn’t sing anymore because no one appreciated it. Well, that’s not true, Nick had always liked her voice and for a while she used to sing for him like she sang for Beca, but nowadays if he was home then he was on the phone or he was working on a case and it was too loud for him.

She sang in front of Marcy once; that had been interesting. Actually, it had been the moment that Chloe had finally realized that she and Marcy would never get along, never have the type of relationship that she had hoped for.

Marcy had been over for the afternoon, not really doing much of anything so Chloe had, after an uncertain minute, continued around the house picking up, singing and dancing. She would never forget Marcy’s face when she had turned to her, out of the blue and called her ‘childish’. Chloe was just being herself and it had hurt more than Chloe had ever admitted.

The group’s volume dipped for a second and Chloe understood, taking the lead, happily laughing inside as she belted out the chorus, the part that they all knew she had always liked to sing. In that moment she could feel something shift across the room, suddenly she could feel a presence that hadn’t been there before.

Maybe she just didn’t sing around others anymore because no one appreciated her voice like Beca used to.

She could feel Beca listening to her now, picking out her voice like a single thread in a tapestry. She was not sure exactly how she could tell, but she could feel it, just like she felt it every time they sang together over the years they had known one another. Beca wasn’t exactly acknowledging her in any real way but... no, that wasn’t completely true. Chloe glanced over toward Beca and she could see that little smile on her lips. She was not looking at her, as a matter of fact she was studying the floor, her elbows on her knees, but there was that same little smile that Beca used to get whenever Chloe sang for her. Amy used to call it Beca’s ‘S.C.S’; ‘special Chloe smile’.

Often in the past they would simply lie together on one of their beds, or cuddle up together on the couch and Chloe would sing to her. It was their thing. Sometimes they would sing together and sometimes, in very special moments, Chloe could cuddle up and get Beca to sing to her. Every now and then, during one of these times, Amy would walk by and say something like, “Ugh, don’t get too near Beca anyone, she has S.C.S and it might be contagious.” Chloe had learned what that smile, out of all of Beca’s smiles, looked like and had actively worked to see it.

Chloe couldn’t believe what she was seeing and the act of seeing it was motivation enough. The song ended and she sat for a few minutes, waiting for the Bellas to stop their teasing and laughing, watching Beca, seeing the way the wheels were turning in Beca’s head as though she were tasting her own smile; no idea anyone was watching at all.

When the last Bella finally fell into a thoughtful silence she took a deep breath, her chest warm, and softly sang, “ _I’ve got my ticket for the long way round_.” She sang it purposefully slow, not at all how Beca sang it at her audition or whenever she was being playful around the house but quietly, thoughtfully, just as they had sung it around the campfire so long ago.

She watched Beca’s face fall blank with open shock and for the first time since Chloe arrived, Beca looked up and into her eyes. It made Chloe’s stomach clench, pleasure and anticipation rushing through her as she smiled back.

Around her she could feel the room change, closing in, tightening like a warm beloved blanket around them; in this moment there was no one else who mattered, no one else in the world but the Bellas and more importantly the woman across the room.

The Bellas all cuddled a little closer together, enjoying the intimacy of their friendship, watching. They would jump in soon, but for now, they were waiting just as Chloe was waiting.

The room fell silent.

Chloe could feel her heart fluttering in her throat as she leaned up on one elbow, waiting for Beca, drinking in her eyes. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt to have Beca’s undivided attention; to feel those misty blues on her.

Beca’s face was unreadable but Chloe didn’t really mind; she was willing to wait as long as Beca needed.

This was their thing, it always had been and Beca wouldn’t let her down, she wouldn’t leave her like that.

Aubrey shifted uncomfortably beside her. Chloe could tell everyone else was uncomfortable with the thick silence but she just let her soft smile grow, trying to tell Beca how much she missed her, how much she loved her; ready to keep singing as soon as Beca came in. But Beca just stared at her and the moments began to lengthen. It had been no more than five beats since she had sung the first line but Amy broke, giving into the tension, “Eerrr, Beca, errr, yeah, you know that’s where you’re supposed to come in.”

She wished that Amy would have just stayed quiet, let Beca work through her feelings but she wouldn’t look away from Beca’s gaze, she refused. Beca was going to meet her here, of course she would.

But she could feel her smile fading and the hurt she had been pushing away since she arrived was starting to creep into her chest again. And with the creeping hurt came the two-year-old pain, the loneliness, the soul crippling heartsick wish that she could change things. “ _Bec_ …”

Beca’s face hadn’t changed, still staring at her, mouth agape, frozen. The silence lengthened another few moments and then without warning Beca was up, dashing from the room.

At first, Chloe was only alarmed, startled by the sudden movement, the popping of their bubble; but as it had done so many times over the last two years, the hurt flashed hot, stirring into sudden anger. She didn’t give her legs permission to do it but suddenly she was up, launching herself after her.

From behind her she could hear Fat Amy yell in her best ‘oh shit ya’ll voice’, “Awwwwwe shit, Bloe fight! Now it’s really like the old days!”

Did she just high-five someone?!

 

Chloe could tell all of the Bellas and Hunny were up and following them at a close distance but she didn’t really care all that much right now. She was furious. “What the hell, Beca! Why won’t you even _talk_  to me?” She cried as soon as Beca stopped moving, pausing with flustered apprehension on the other side of the kitchen island. As a person Chloe really tried to be sweet, she tried to remember that everyone had feelings and that most just need someone to understand them but right now she was  _over it_! It was  _Beca_  who left their friendship, no note, no goodbye message and once again she had literally just left her, she just got up and walked away! She was sick of her leaving her. So she was mad. Very mad. What the hell was wrong with her?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Beca said with a shrug, picking up a hand towel and toying with it, refusing to make eye contact.

“Beca! You won’t even talk to me about the fact that you won’t talk to me!”

Beca blinked a few times, “ _What_?”

“Come on! You won’t even look at me!”

Beca’s eyes rolled but Chloe could see the defensive back and forth twitch, Beca’s I-know-I’m-guilty tick, “Ugh, dooon’t make something out of nothing,” her voice lolled over the words as though it was silly that she even had to say it at all.

The tone, the wordless accusation that Chloe was being unreasonable just made her all the angrier. “You’re still not looking at me!” She yelled back, hands gesticulating wildly with her frustration.

“Ugh!” Beca’s eyes trained on her, well, just to the left of her, “Chloe, don’t be dramatic.”

Chloe’s arms crossed and she glared back with all the fury and power she could possess, “Don’t be  _dramatic_? There’s a little more going on here than me being ‘dramatic’, Beca. I don’t know  _why_  you just vanished from my life and yeah, the fact that you did hurts and it sucks and it - makes me angry but  _I’m_  willing to put that aside for the weekend!  _But_  you can’t just stand there,  _Beca_ , and insist that I’m not seeing what I’m seeing!”

In the background Amy scoffed, gleeful, “I can’t believe that after all of these years Bloe still fights like a married couple.”

Chloe almost rounded on her, almost snapped, but then Beca responded and she was glued to her, livid when she heard, “I got busy, Chlo! It happens! People grow apart! It’s normal! Plus, you freaking moved, so I don’t get why you’re standing here yelling at me!”

“Oh! So you  _are_  aware that I moved, then? That’s good, because I wasn’t sure! You didn’t even say goodbye! I texted you and called you a hundred times! I showed up at your apartment and don’t  _even_  try to say you weren’t home because I  _know_  you were!”

“Fucking god forbid I wasn’t there for you for five minutes! I had other things going on! Like, I dunno, life! How many times do I have to remind you that  _life_  happens? Outside of the Bellas, outside of our friendship! Get over it! Move on! It’s been two years!”

“Beca! Ugh! I just-I can’t even - that’s just so-” She was so mad that she didn’t realize she stomped her foot in frustration until she heard a scoffing comment behind her. “You’re just - ugh, you’re  _so_  lucky there aren’t any bear traps around because I would shove your ass in! Then I could stand there and listen to you apologize! Again!”

“Uuuuuh, what?” She heard Hunny whisper.

“I’ll tell you later,” Emily whispered back and then pretended to zip her lips when Chloe shot her a glare.

“Why do I always feel like I’m missing something with you guys?”

“Because we did stuff together for four years.” Chloe didn’t need to see Cynthia Rose’s face to know the kind of wink she just gave Hunny.

“Well!” Beca shouted back, her hands pressing into her eyes before they went defensively to her hips, “I’m sure if you asked her you could get She-Hulk Barbie over there to make you one in my living room! You know what?” Beca’s hands shot up as if she were about to surrender and Chloe knew it for the I’m-about-to-take-off pose, “Feel free to swim or eat or whatever but I’m going to bed. I have work in the morning.”

Beca turned on her heels.

Chloe’s stomach dropped, not ready to have Beca turn from her again but she was ready for the move, expecting it. Still, Beca was a fast little thing and she had to sprint halfway up the stairs before she caught her by the wrist, “Beca please - I miss you. Just  _talk_  to me. Just tell me what I did.  _Please_.” She didn’t give Beca time to fight her, she just pulled her in close, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing her tightly.

Oh god, hugging Beca felt like home. It was a feeling she had forgotten over the years. She didn’t mean to, but a little hiccup of a whimper popped out of her and she pulled her closer, willing her to wrap her arms around her, needing to be close to her again. She had missed her so much; she’d never known it was possible to miss someone so much.

For a moment she felt Beca sag into her, her face resting on Chloe’s shoulder and Chloe could let herself believe that it was because she felt just as relieved to be connected as Chloe did.

Then Beca was gone, muttering “I’m so outta here” and all but running up the stairs and out of sight.

Chloe just watched her go, the hurt inside taking her over. She didn’t know which she would rather do, chase her or break down into sobs.

A small tear dropped from her eye and her bottom lip began to shake.

Damn.

Guess it was going to be the second option.

Still she couldn’t seem to move, stunned and slack jawed on Beca’s staircase.

“‘Scuse me.” Hunny muttered as she pushed past her after Beca, making Chloe jump and reminding her that she still had an audience.

“Come on, Chlo, we should call it a night.”

She could hear Aubrey’s voice from below her at the foot of the stairs but she didn’t want to go. She wanted...she just wanted Beca.

But she knew that following her right now wouldn’t help anything. So Chloe turned, sniffing and saw all the Bellas turn away, as though they all had another reason for being at the bottom of the stairs; looking at photos, studying their nails, looking out the window. It would have been funny - if anything could have been funny just then.

But it wasn’t...couldn’t be. So she just nodded and let Aubrey climb the stairs, taking her hand and gently pulling her back down and away.

 


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re moping.” There was no judgment in Aubrey’s voice at all, it was clear that, to Aubrey, she was simply stating a fact as solid as the time of day.

Still, Chloe’s mouth popped wide in flustered offense, and she was forced to pull her eyes from the window she had been staring out of, unseeing, for the last fifteen minutes, “I am not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“I am not, Brey! I am-” she tried to think of something optimistic to say but she came up completely blank, “I’m-”

“You’re still in your pajamas.”

That wasn’t fair! “It’s still early.” She was allowed to still be in her pajamas! It wasn’t even nine in the morning yet. As a matter of fact, she still had a little while longer before she had to pull herself up and start her day. Though, she had no idea what she was going to _do_. It seemed silly to plan on going back to Beca’s condo with everyone else after the night before, so perhaps she and Aubrey should go see some sights or...something. She wasn’t sure but this was Los Angeles, there had to be something they could do. It would be really nice to have some undivided Aubrey time and maybe they could plan on meeting the Bellas for lunch somewhere. Maybe they could go to a beach. Oooh, a seaside lunch on the water with the Bellas sounded so nice.

See. She wasn’t moping. If she was doing anything by sitting here staring vacantly out the window it was...mourning.

“Umm-hmm,” her best friend mumbled from across the room, sitting back down on her bed to flip through a magazine.

Once Aubrey was occupied, Chloe shot her an appraising look from under her lashes, still trying to figure it out. Aubrey had been strangely quiet all morning and Chloe couldn’t tell if it was because she was angry or if it was simply Aubrey giving Chloe her space. She couldn’t imagine why Aubrey would be angry; well, except for the fact that Chloe had cried the entire drive back to their hotel the night before. She didn’t know, but whatever Aubrey was feeling, the cool distance that was radiating off of her was helpful in a strange way. Her worry about whatever was on Aubrey’s mind and her hesitance to make it worse was forcing Chloe to swallow down any and all tears. It was also keeping her planted on the bed when what she really wanted to do was continue the back and forth pacing that she had also done for hours the night before, wringing her hands until they were sore. Or perhaps she just wanted to cuddle under the blankets and let the tears overtake her again.

Aubrey had let her pace, of course, and she had hugged her again and again and again whenever it seemed as though Chloe needed it, but her strange quiet was the thing keeping Chloe together right now, making her feel too guilty to continue to be the mess she felt like on the inside.

Perhaps it was only a strange type of tough love that Aubrey was exhibiting now, though, tough love was usually to send a message, right?

 

Chloe didn’t understand why she was reacting so strongly to this. It had been two years, just like Beca had said. It had been two years already, so truly it had ended long ago. Beca was already gone. She should be over it. She had been given no reason to hope, no reason to expect that this trip would change anything- and yet, she had. Now her thoughts were glued to that day two years ago, a month after her move to Henderson when she had finally realized that Beca was gone from her life. It had been one of the worst days she had ever experienced because no matter how much she cried, no matter how much she paced and tried to talk it through with Nick or Aubrey, she still hadn’t known why or what had happened.

Now she felt silly and that was one of the worst parts. Beca had been avoiding her all day, since she arrived really, so why had she done it? Why had she expected something else? Why had she thought that simply seeing one another again would make it all different? She liked to think of herself as a glass half full, peaceful and hopeful kind of girl for the most part, but there came a point when it was just unrealistic and sometimes her silly optimism got in the way of her seeing that.

Perhaps you can’t change your nature, though because despite the fact that she had been sitting there chastising herself for a while now, she felt that hope light inside of her like a tiny incorrigible flame when there was a small knock at the door; only to go out again when Aubrey opened it and all of the Bellas came slowly in as though entering a sick room.

Chloe pulled her legs up under the blankets and wrapped her arms around them, hugging herself tightly. She was happy to see the Bellas, touched that they had come by but - all she could do was shake her head at herself and let her cheek rest against her knees.

Silly.

She did know that not everything _was_ glass half full, but she still felt silly.

Maybe she _was_ childish.

 

Amy approached first and she tried to give her a smile, she really did, but she knew it was a poor impersonation of her usual megawatt.

Amy returned it with a half smile of her own and, reaching out, began to slowly pet her head as though she were a sad puppy, “There, there. You alright, Ginger?”

Chloe looked away, back out the window as she sniffed.

She thought that she had cried herself out the night before after Aubrey went to sleep, but now under Amy’s weird and awkward sign of affection the tears began to roll down her cheeks again.

“Oh! My goodness! Damn it!” She wiped at them, shaking her head and hoping that would be enough to stop them since she wasn’t sure she knew how to do it herself. It was nice to have the girls all around her, but she wished they would stop looking at her, it was even harder to hold these silly tears in when she could see their love for her on each and every face. Amy seemed to understand and took a seat across from her on Aubrey’s bed. The other Bellas followed suit, taking places either with Chloe or with Amy and Aubrey, somber in their silence.

Chloe just kept looking out the window at the sunny lot outside because for once she had no idea what to say. Perhaps the best thing to do was to simply let it go. “How the friendship ended doesn’t take away from the memories I have in my heart, right?” She asked just to break the silence.

“Yeah, Chlo, you’re absolutely right,” Stacie said with a warm smile and Chloe did her best to return it, thankful for the reassurance.

“This whole trip has been so weird.”

It was a true testament to how glum they were all feeling that none of them reacted to seeing it was Lilly who had spoken. As a group they had only heard Lilly speak in an audible voice a handful of times; she could beatbox up a storm but she rarely spoke at this volume.

“I know, right?” Cynthia Rose sighed, leaning heavily on Chloe’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry guys, if I had known-” If she had known...what? She wouldn’t have come? No, seeing the Bellas was worth it. But...

“ _Don’t_ apologize, Chloe. Beca clearly has some issues right now,” Aubrey bit.

Maybe it wasn’t tough love, maybe she _was_ just angry.

“I mean, she seems like she’s doing okay, for the most part, right?” Jessica asked, quiet nervousness in her voice. Ashley, beside her, seemed to hear it too and wrapped her in a tight hug. Chloe had to smile; it was good to see that Ashley and Jessica were still best friends even after all these years. She knew for a fact that they had both gone on to graduate programs on opposite sides of the country, it must have taken real work to remain so close. It was admirable.

“Is she, though?” Aubrey’s eyes flashed around and no one could ignore her insinuation. “I mean, this is Beca, ladies. Now, I appreciate everything she did for the Bellas but she’s always been one bad life choice away from-”

“Brey.” Chloe finally chided, the animosity in Aubrey’s voice hurting her heart, “You two became friends, remember?”

Aubrey sent her a long glare before taking a deep breath, “You’re right.”

“For real though,” Cynthia Rose interjected, “any of you notice how much she had to drink last night? Especially after Chloe and Aubrey left?”

“Kind of hard to miss,” Ashley muttered, her nose twitching uncomfortably. “She basically drank all the whiskey in the state of California.”

“She didn’t go to bed?” She didn’t really know why she asked, of course she hadn’t. She knew Beca hadn’t actually wanted to go to bed; she had just wanted to get away from _her_. It was a strange and uncomfortable thought but she knew it was true.

“Naw, Hunny got her to come back down.”

“Right.” Chloe frowned as she picked at a loose thread of the blanket, “ _Hunny_.”

“Did any of you notice what she was on the night before?”

Chloe’s head snapped up to look at Stacie across the room, feeling a huge weight lift from her chest, “You saw that too?”

“Yeah, girl!” Cynthia Rose cried, “We all saw it! She didn’t even _try_ to hide it!”

“Oh my god, thank god. I’ve been so worried. Do you think that’s something she does all of the time? Should we be as worried as I am right now?”

“The correct answer to that question, Ginger, is always no. No one should ever worry as much as you do. Not saying we shouldn’t worry, but nooo, not as much as you.”

Cynthia Rose scoffed at Amy’s joke but then said, “It didn’t seem like she was exactly a rookie, did it?”

“Wait, what are you all talking about?” Aubrey asked, her agitation making her fidget in her spot against her pillows. With a sigh Chloe quickly explained in a low hum and by the time she was through Aubrey was on her feet, her arms crossed, “Well, that is absolutely unacceptable! What does she need? An intervention? Do we need to throw her petite little ass in rehab?” The fact that Aubrey was yelling made Chloe smile ever so slightly. Beca had always rubbed Aubrey the wrong way, literally since the moment they met, but she really did care about her. Aubrey’s love was just a gruff one, hard to bite into but sweet once it melts a little, like a ginger snap.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, hold on!” Emily cried, putting her hands up as though that would stop them from racing forward with a plan, “She doesn’t need an intervention or rehab. It’s just part of the life out here. It’s so not a big deal.”

Aubrey’s flashing eyes turned on Emily, making her wince, “Emily, does that mean you do drugs too?”

Emily’s face flushed as she stumbled around a bit, trying to find the correct words, “Well, not as much as Beca and _definitely_ not as much as Hunny - but sometimes. Drugs are bad and everything, yeah, but it’s not like that. I mean, I don’t have anyone relying on me like P.J. relies on her. He puts her in charge of basically everything but then only gives her half the say in what she’s doing and a fourth of the credit, which is - crazy! _Plus_ , I’m not trying to get off the ground with my own label and break away from P.J. who totally knows, by the way, so he’s been piling more and more on her and pushing for her to be, I don’t know, cooler or something? He’s also kind of been leaching her clients, which, is really upsetting her. She’s so stressed like all of the time. But, err, sometimes I do, it’s kinda fun. Everyone does it here; it’s kind of a thing I guess. Work hard, party hard.” She gave them a large girlish grin which immediately faded when she saw they were all staring at her surprised, mixed looks of disapproval on their faces, “I think Hunny is more into it than Beca though. I’ve only seen Beca do that a few times.” she finished a bit lamely, her smile falling awkward.

“Does Katherine know this?”

They had all had a good chance to get to know Emily’s mother their last year since she was a Bella alumni and they had all liked her a lot, especially Aubrey.

Emily looked up at Aubrey for a quick moment, her mouth open to speak but nothing came out so she finally just looked back down into her lap, fiddling with her rings, her shoulders slumped.

“‘Kay, I think we need to, um, _come back_ to _that_ but can we get back to the big thing here? I mean, man, I just - I don’t get - what the hell happened, Chlo? I feel like my whole damn world is off its axis or something!” Cynthia Rose groaned, turning on Chloe as though she had the answers.

The problem was she didn’t.

And Chloe couldn’t agree with that description more.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know. I mean, I know I want my best friend back more than anything but I guess she doesn’t really want me. I don’t know what to do. This is -” but she couldn’t find the words so she just shook her head, “I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.”

All of their heads turned at the sounds of Emily’s deep inhale. It was clear she had something to say but she froze when all eyes fell on her. Chloe did her best to give her a reassuring smile but somehow that only seemed to make Emily more nervous.

She cleared her throat, toying anxiously with her necklace, “I probably said too much already but I think I might know. Well, no, I think that I _do_ know. I mean, she hasn’t told me or anything but-”

The rambling was too much for Amy, “Legacy! Tell us what you know!”

“Right. Uuuuh, okay. Right. Ha.”

From across the bed Chloe watched Emily flush and with that flush a thought suddenly occurred to her; Emily was Beca’s best friend now, wasn’t she? The thought sent a curious mix of feelings through her but she supposed that was right.

She didn’t like that.

“Well, you guys know that Beca and I did ‘Flashlight’ together, right? Well,” Emily’s flush brightened making Chloe almost smile at the girl’s embarrassment. It was cute that after all of this time her successes still made her a bit flustered. “There was this night not long after Sammy; remember her boss Sammy? The guy who sent the demo off?”

As one they nodded impatiently.

“Right. Well not long after Sammy sent the demo off we were in the recording studio one night just doing some final touches. This was like right before we sold it, or no, maybe it was right after - yeah, right after - no-”

“Legacy! I swear to god if you don’t get to it, I’m gonna cook you up and serve you for lunch!” Amy barked.

“Right!” Emily jumped, rushing forward. “Sorry. Anyway, we were working one night and, uhh, I kinda kissed her.”

It was as though someone had put the room on pause. All of the Bellas stopped their fidgeting, their gum chewing, their whatever they had been doing, all so they could simply stare at Emily, eyes wide.

Chloe’s mouth dropped open, speechless, her whole body tensing. It was like she had just been sneak-attack hit or had a near collision on the freeway.

She had done _what_?

Suddenly an overwhelming compulsion to reach over and slap the girl ricocheted through her making her pull away, afraid she might _do_ it, “You did _what_?” Unadulterated fury flooded her system. She was too confined! She needed room to move, to breathe! She had to work at it for a second but felt instantly better the moment Cynthia Rose and the blankets were kicked off of her.

“Uuuhhh,” Emily jumped, her voice cracking in the middle, “Yeaaaaah, I kinda kissed her. Like, really _kissed_ her. Like, on top of the soundboard kind of kissed her.”

A surge of something disgusting boiled up in Chloe’s stomach and she couldn’t help it. She jerked away again, twitchily shaking out her hands before slapping them to her ears, “Whaaaa! I don’t need the details!”

At the same moment, Amy let out a boisterous laugh and yelled, “Allllright, Legacy” and gave the girl a high five. “God, there’s a lot of lesbi-action in this group! Is that normal?”

“No, no, I’m not gay. I just uh,” Emily jumped in quickly, looking over at Chloe uncertainly, who still had her hands over her ears looking horrified.

Chloe didn’t understand, why was she so _mad_? There was no reason for Chloe to be mad. Okay, yes, Beca had been with Jesse at the time and yes, it was...gross...or...something but, it was a long time ago! Okay, she just needed to calm down. Spirits were just high. Take a deep breath. Okay.

“Anyway.” Emily continued, “She uh, well, I uh, I didn’t think it was a big deal, neither of us were into it – like, at all. Like I said, I’m not gay or anything but it was, you know, college; the time for experimentation and I just respected her so much. I don’t know. So I moved on and you know Beca, she just kind of made a joke about it and it was no big deal, right? Everything went on like normal. She moved, I stayed behind and took over her place with the Bellas and we didn’t see each other for a few years, I mean other than Skyping about the rights to ‘Flashlight’ and the occasional Bellas advice. Then, ya know, I moved here and joined the label and stuff and it totally came up at my release party. She was super wasted, like – _whoa_ – P.J. told me she had been working for like four days and nights straight on a demo that her assistant accidentally deleted. I mean like, sleeping in the studio at night kind of working. Anyway! She told me that it was our make out session,”

“Oh! Ew! Emily!” Chloe’s lips curled into a grimace as she tried not to picture that.

Why were all the Bellas staring at her like that?

“ _Sorry_! Anyway, she told me it was, err, that night that made her realize she was a lesbian. She said something like ‘you can write off loving one woman but when you’re making out on the soundboard with another, probably means there’s a little something going on there.’”

“Niiiice, drunk Beca impression!” Stacie grinned.

Emily grinned back deflating with the end of her story, leaning back against the wall as though she had just explained everything, “So uh…yeah.”

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Is that when she broke it off with aca-boy?” Amy asked, her mischievous grin looking as though she had finally finagled the last word of a difficult crossword puzzle by cheating.

“Oooooh, I always just thought it was because he was bad in bed.” Stacie said, more to herself than the group.

“Ooooooh, I never thoug- oh my god,” Emily’s hands flew to cover her mouth so only her huge eyes were showing, “it was right before that! Do you think I made her breakup with Jesse?”

“Errrr, I don’t think it was _you_ that made her break up with him, Em.” Flo said, giving her a think about it face.

“Oh. Right!” Emily sighed, instantly all grins again.

All the Bellas seemed pleased to finally know why their friend had dumped her long-term boyfriend but Chloe was just distracted, “Wait. What? But that was _way_ before we even moved to L.A. She knew she was a lesbian that long ago and she never told me? I don’t understand. Why would she do that?” All eyes turned on her, making her sit back defensively, “What?” She didn’t understand this look they were still giving her! What? “And wait, what does this have to do with Beca and I now?” That was a little harsher than she meant it to be so she added, “I mean, thank you for telling me Emily, you’re sweet, I’m glad to know that about Bec but-”

Emily frowned, “Well, that other woman was _you_ , wasn’t it? ‘You can write off loving one woman’ - that was you, right? I mean,” confused, she turned to the other Bellas for confirmation, “it was her? Beca was, what, like totally in love with her?”

Chloe waited for their surprised denials but they didn’t come. Instead, as one the whole group exploded into laughter, flopping over one another and giggling like schoolgirls.

“Well yeah, everyone knew that!” Fat Amy cried, making them all laugh harder.

The Bellas were all sharing in a good laugh, laughing as though this were a very old joke but - this wasn’t funny! Chloe’s mouth had just gone dry as paper, her head swimming as she looked between their faces, desperately trying to see if they were all kidding. “Amy! What do you mean?”

Amy turned to her, mid laugh and Chloe watched as that laughter quickly dropped away, her eyes going wide, her face slack, “Oooooooooh, _waaaaaaaait_ , you didn’t know?”

She tried to answer but her heart was beating too high in her throat so instead she just released a small scoff.

“We all - errr - wow - errr oops.” Amy let out an awkward laugh and, uncomfortable, did a little rocking belly dance, her eyes flicking guiltily.

This was absurd! She began making her way around the circle again, staring at all her friends, waiting for the punch line. Why were they all suddenly being so quiet? Panic floated just under the surface, making her voice weak, filling it with cracks, “Beca was in love with me? Since wh-?” She cleared her throat and tried again, “Since when?”

“You mean you really didn’t know?” Cynthia Rose asked from beside her. Chloe just shook her head, fast. This couldn’t be true, could it? This didn’t make any sense. “Damn, you’re a lot less cold than I thought you were then.”

“Whaa-” Chloe’s head whipped around to pin her with a stare.

“And five times more stupid.”

She should have been shocked, rocked unsteady by the carpet being pulled out from under her feet, and maybe she would be if she could process any of this but it was as though her mind had ground to a sticky halt. “Brey?”

“Oh come on, Chlo! Why do you think she’s been running from you all weekend? I mean, it’s _stupid_ , she’s stupid but she’s _always_ been stupid.”

“I don’t - I don’t understand. You knew this? Why didn’t you tell _me_?” A flicker of hurt betrayal ran up her spine as she stared into Aubrey’s sadistically amused face.

“I thought _you_ knew! I thought you had made a choice or something.”

She was shaking her head before she could stop herself, this just didn’t make - but in her mind a slideshow had begun: a million fights over the years, a million kisses goodbye, a million cuddles. She remembered all the times they sang together, all the times that they opened up to one another sharing their souls - it all - it always felt...important...like _more_ but…

Her fingers fluttered over that spot on her chest and everything that was whizzing and whirring within her settled a little bit, the press of her fingers to that spot centering her as it always did. “Guys, at my wedding -” all the Bellas scooted in a little closer sensing it was story time. So slowly and haltingly she told them about stepping on her dress and teasing and laughing. She told them about watching Beca’s face go suddenly serious and then she told them about the kiss, the first and the second though when she went to tell them about the almost third her voice stumbled and she decided - yeah, they didn’t need to know about that one.

When she was done she was shocked all over again, stunned and unable to process this. She had worked so hard to tell herself that the kiss - kisses - had been no big deal, nothing to write home about, they had been _nothing_. Just a friendly sort of affection. But as she heard a muttered, ‘whoop, there it is’ from Amy, she jumped.

 _Had_ it been nothing? Beca had been in love with her? For how long? Her mind was careening, her stomach somersaulting, tingling and tickling. Beca had been _in love with her?_

“And how did _you_ feel about that, Chloe? You know, the kisses?” Emily asked, leaning forward eagerly.

“Obviously not much, she stayed married, didn’t she? Keep up, Legacy!” Amy rolled her eyes.

How did she feel?

“I didn’t, I didn’t know then…I thought…I was confused,” she mumbled, pressing tighter to that spot, her mind a million miles away.

“Wait, wait, hold up, didn’t know _what_ then, exactly?”

It took Chloe a second to realize that, oh no, she had said that out loud. She opened her mouth and found herself saying instead, “ _Beca was in love with me?_ ”

From somewhere on the nightstand La Roux started to sing, ripping through Chloe’s daze after a second or two. “Can someone hand me that, please?” Thanking Aubrey automatically, she stared for a long moment at the name, uncomprehending. Oh! Nick!

On autopilot, she got up and headed into the bathroom for a moment of privacy.

“Hey! Where are you? If I run home for lunch later do you think you can have a sandwich ready for me? I’m damn swamped and I skipped breakfast.”

Clearly she was not firing on all cylinders right now because it took her far longer than it should have to process his words, “What? Nick, I’m in L.A.”

“Wait, still? I thought you were coming home today. I thought you would be home by now actually.”

“Why would you think that? No.” She tried to gather her brain for a moment, “I told you I was staying longer, remember?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you meant like a day or something. Did you run away and join the circus?” He teased and then, “...Chlo?....Chloe...” when she didn’t respond.

She had zoned out again, her mind tumbling over and over all of the things she had never seen before that suddenly seemed so clear. She had thought - she had thought that Beca was straight so - why would it have occurred to her? She was her best friend - best friends are always a little more - I mean, look at her and Aubrey, “Huh?”

“How long are you staying then?”

“Through the weekend, maybe a little longer. Didn’t I tell you that?”

“No!”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Nick, I guess I should have made myself clearer. But uh, I can’t - I can’t really talk now, I-”

“Chlo! What’s going on with you right now?”

“What? Nothing.”

“Okay, well you’re supposed to be back by now, remember? You’re ovulating.”

The sentence was in such stark contrast to where her mind was at this moment that she couldn’t understand it at first, “What?”

“Plus, mom is coming over for dinner. We have been planning it for a month, she’s bringing her friend, remember? I’m glad you’re having fun but we have plans, sweetheart.”

She couldn’t hear this, not right now. She couldn’t have this fight. She wanted a baby, more than she wanted almost anything; she wanted to be there for Marcy but right now…

“I mean, I totally get bailing on my mom but you seem distracted, what are you doing? Are you okay?”

Oh, just having the biggest ‘come to Jesus’ realization of my life - second biggest anyway, “Nick, I’m sorry. I have to go. I’ll call you back, okay?”

“Chl-” but she had already hit the ‘end’ button. She spent a moment or two just looking at her blank phone, the wheels feeling like rust and debris as they tried to turn. She opened the bathroom door but stopped just outside of it, her hand playing tensely with her throat, “Beca was in love with me?”

Amy’s eyes rolled, “Yeeees, Ginger! What are you missing? But oh!” An alarming thought scrawled across Amy’s face, “Don’t tell her that we told you, though.”

All the Bellas jumped, shaking their heads vehemently. Looking at them exchange nervous looks something clicked into place, the butterflies in her stomach that had been lightly dancing had suddenly thrown on their skates and started up a roller derby game in her gut. “You guys are _serious_.”

“Are you kidding? She’d kick our ass harder than -”

“ _Oh my god!_ ”

“Aaaaand, there it is,” Stacie said as Chloe started to pace. “Chloe freak out coming, guys. Who has the paper bag?” She was already up looking.

“There’s one in my purse!” Aubrey called, pointing across the room.

Chloe barely heard them, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, what do I do?”

“Chloe-”

“What should I do? I should do something, right? I mean…why didn’t she tell me?”

“Chloe it’s alr-”

“Oh my god, why didn’t she tell me? This - oh my god, this is huge! This is enormous! This is – earth shattering! Oh my god! I can’t - what do I do?” She moved quickly, her hands wringing and shaking. This was impossible. This was - this was impossible. This was - wonderful. This - _ohhhhh_ , she was going to _kill_ her. She was going to - yes, she was going to _KILL_ her!

Her feet stopped moving as abruptly as they started and all the Bellas who had been inching forward, ready to stop the freak out before it grew into a full-blown panic attack, sat back, surprised; Stacie still holding out the paper bag, ready to jump in if and when Chloe needed it.

Chloe processed none of it.

She had to go. Now.

Squaring her shoulders she turned to her best friend who was still standing in panic position. Taking a deep breath, she asked in her politest voice, “Will you please give me directions?”


	7. Chapter 7

Chloe would have been perfectly happy to drive herself to Beca’s condo, thank you very much. Lips pursed and nose high she had dressed quickly, not really caring about modesty, and then turned on the Bellas, waiting expectantly for someone to give her the address so she could type it into her phone’s GPS. They had all just nervously looked between one another for a moment, not wanting to tell her no but also not wanting to be the one to give it to her. Finally, Aubrey stepped forward as though to meet a firing range and insisted that _she_ would drive her.

“Fine. Let’s go,” and she marched out the door toward Aubrey’s car, waiting with her arms crossed and her toe tapping until Aubrey - and all the other Bellas - showed up.

This was not a spectator sport but _fine_ , if all of the Bellas wanted to come and watch Chloe squish that little hobbit’s butt to a pulp then - okay - maybe hobbit wasn’t entirely fair, she wasn’t that much taller than Beca but _that_ was _not_ the point! She was gonna - she - she was - ugh, OKAY - she didn’t know what she was going to do - but something! She was going to do something! Ha! Yeah! With a slightly self-satisfied huff, she got into the passenger seat and let one leg cross over the other as Bellas squished in behind her, making Aubrey’s rented SUV feel like a clown car.

The drive wasn’t a long one, but it made Chloe twitchy, frustrated that she had to wait. She was a woman on a mission and she was ready to get there! She could feel all the Bellas staring at her, gauging her and every now and then she could hear the crinkle of the paper bag that Stacie brought along - just in case - but she was absolutely refusing to look back at them. So she sat, her foot bouncing, and scowled at the road ahead of her.

This was it. Obviously, this was it!

Beca was in lov - wow, that was so weird to think. Bec had been in love with her. This was why this had all happened. _This was it!_ She didn’t know if a specific event in life had sent her running or if she had simply been unable to take it anymore but _this_ was the reason!

 

There was no relief when she saw that they were pulling into the familiar lot, none at all, just a tightening around the eyes. She was ready and oooooooh, Beca had better _pray_ for mercy!

Getting out of the car she only took a second to straighten the top of one of her tall boots and then she was off, the Bellas watching her stride purposefully past them, a fury of bouncing curls and clicking heels with the same set look on her face, arms swinging rigidly at her side.

Waiting for the elevator only heightened her aggravation, though not as much as being shoved into the small elevator like cattle did.

She made it to the front door before she had to stop, “Who has a key?”

There was a small shuffle behind her before Amy squeezed in front of her with a little apologetic smile and unlocked it.

“Damn, at least let my sexy ass get out of the way first!” She cried as Chloe blew by her, followed by the other Bellas.

For a second she wasn’t sure where to go. She stomped into the living room and kitchen, Bellas skittering behind her like mice, but the condo seemed uninhabited. No way. It wasn’t even ten in the morning.

Sleeping.

So she turned on her heels and started up the stairs.

“It’s kinda fun seeing that all of us being together now is a lot like it was back then.” Ashley hissed to the others behind her, “I mean, Chloe is about to kill Beca and we’re all here to see. Literally exactly like the old days.”

She was fuming as she stomped up the stairs. This was the _worst_ reason to stop talking to someone _ever_! Why didn’t she just _talk_ to her? Why didn’t she just _come out_ to her? She was her _BEST FRIEND_! You come out to your best friend. It’s just what you do. Why didn’t she - augh, so many things!

It wasn’t hard to guess which room was Beca’s. She just went to the only closed door and threw it open, ready for the bang and slightly annoyed when the expensive hinge caught itself, letting out an anticlimactic soft hiss. It wasn’t until just then that she realized there was a good chance that Hunny would be in bed with her. Thankfully, she wasn’t.

Instead, Beca was unconscious, sprawled across the bed, her ass in the air and her mouth open, snoring. Chloe had to purse her lips hard in order to swallow down the thought of ‘awe, cute’.

No! Not cute!

She was an - an ass kicking woman! Damn it!

Beca was already wearing sunglasses as though expecting to wake up with a hangover and seeing as how there was a whiskey bottle beside her bed and one on the pillow next to her, Chloe had to assume that yes, that was exactly what she was expecting.

Chloe marched right in, refusing to be distracted. Behind her, the Bellas all gathered around the doorframe like freaking chipmunks, no more than one eye each and a small mop of hair showing as they watched the scene play out. All except for Aubrey, that is, who stood just outside the door, bold as day, examining her nails.

She didn’t pause; Chloe just walked right up to the edge of the bed and swat that ass, hard, then threw the little bit of blanket covering Beca off and to the floor. “BECA!”

The comatose woman gave a sharp jump, instantly reaching for her head, groaning. “Chloe? What the fuck? What year is it? What are you yelling about?”

“Get up!” She was trying not to pace and only just succeeding. She wanted to pace and shout and cross her arms and maybe hit her with something.

“What the fuck is haaaappening? You haven’t even been back in town for a full weekend and yet you’re already waking me up with a freak out. Stop yelling! My head hurts!”

“ _Imagine that_.” Aubrey scoffed behind them.

Chloe’s eyes narrowed, scowling at the pathetic woman. Finally she huffed and begrudgingly went to the dresser, picking up the bottle of aspirin and staring fixedly at the wall above her as she held it out, her jaw clenching and unclenching, working constantly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” Beca pulled herself up into a sitting position very slowly, looking nauseous but pointedly ignoring the offering. Disdain on her face, she instead grabbed the bottle that had been sleeping beside her, unscrewed the cap and took a huge swig, then lit a cigarette.

Did it get hot in here? Chloe could feel her cheeks flushing as she tried hard not to look at the way the peacock feather, spread across one side of Beca’s ribs and stomach, moved every time she did. “It’s not even _ten in the morning_.”

Instead of answering Beca just reached for a balled up button up beside her, pulled it on and then looked up at Chloe behind her sunglasses, giving her a wide, toothy, and entirely vacant smile that pointedly said Beca had no fucks to give.

Chloe’s eyes narrowed again, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what exactly?”

“You _kissed_ me!”

The blasé air around Beca popped as she squeaked, “ _What_?” and the cigarette, which had been balanced between her lips, fell to her bare thigh. There was a second’s pause before Beca yelped, batting at the smoldering stick and swearing.

“You kissed me! I thought it was all best friend-y and maybe a little drunk but you kissed me!” Beca just stared, frozen. “They told me.”

She was just about to step forward and, she didn’t know, snap in front of Beca’s face or something when Beca suddenly threw her head back and yelled at the top of her lungs, “AMY, EMILY, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU NERDS! _NOT COOL_!” Then she crumbled to the bed, covering her head with a pillow, giving in to her hangover.

Behind them feet were heard pounding down the hallway as though multiple Bellas were running for cover.

“That has to be, like, the _worst_ reason to stop talking to someone! That’s what it was, right?” She yelled, her hands flying up in frustration, “I’ve been thinking I did something wrong, that I offended you! But it was that! Wasn’t it?” Beca’s blank face made her deflate a little, uncertainty creeping in when the face did not change, “Wasn’t it?” She frowned as Beca just stared through her glasses, her eyes hidden until finally Chloe scrunched her lips, uncomfortable and looked away.

Only then did Beca move. She took another long swig from her drink and got up. Without a word she bent over, grabbed her jeans and slowly began to pull them on. “I have a meeting with a client,” she said, jumping a little in place to get them on over her hips.

Chloe opened her mouth to argue, but Beca was already halfway out door, her bare feet padding down the stairs.

 

****

 

FUCK FUCK - FUCK FUCK - FUCK FUCK! Her brain was screaming in time with her feet on her stairs. She barely stopped to grab her shoes, ignoring the Bellas who were pretending not to be hiding but were totally hiding.

It wasn’t until she was out by her car that she realized she had forgotten everything but her keys and shoes. “FUCK!”

 

* * *

 

 

She was in a panic all day long, her breathing fast no matter what she was doing. She kept trying to laugh her sweating off but people were beginning to look at her with more and more concern. “What?” She finally snapped as EZ pulled out a napkin and dabbed at her forehead, “People sweat! Go...go rap something.”

“Here, lil’ mama, seems like you need this today.” He reached behind him and handed her a flute filled with bubbling champagne.

“Thank you,” she breathed, chugging it down and then handed it back to him for more. Her mind finally started to quiet a little after the third refill.

Why did Chloe care so much? Their friendship had been over for a long time now. They didn’t need it! Fuck! Beca didn’t need it anymore! She didn’t need Mrs. Nicholas Cavanaugh with those eyes and those pouty lips! She let out a quick “pssshh” turning a few knobs on the soundboard before EZ got back to work. She was good. She was fiiiiine. Not necessary! “Okay!” She clapped, startling everyone around her, “EZTeez! Lessgo! Into the booth! Get! Iiinto the isolation booth!”

Still.

She kept wondering -

What was up exactly with Chloe’s life?

She may or may not have on occasion stalked her Facebook page, which, no big deal, everyone does it. That’s kind of what Facebook is for, right...secretly keeping up with the comings and goings of your exes in all forms, whether romantic or of the best friend variety....

Anyway, she had done some stalking and was _always_ frustrated with the results. She was pretty sure there had never been a baby - or if there was Chloe never put any pictures of them up - or had happened to mention them all weekend. But it wouldn’t be exactly surprising if Chloe never put any pictures up, Chloe could barely work a computer past it’s obvious and simple functions.

And it’s not like she had given Chloe a _chance_ to mention a kid - or kids.

Her stomach knotted with guilt for a second, if there were no little-redheaded babies then there was probably a reason. Something had to have happened.

Had it been hard when she lost that pregnancy? Or - whatever had happened?

Her teeth found her lip and she began to chew, Chloe had always wanted to be a mom - hell she mom’ed the hell out of all of the Bellas all through school. It just came naturally to her.

Losing that baby - that must have absolutely killed her.

Crap.

“Yo, House Bex, am I in here just to keep myself pretty or are we gonna do something?”

Beca jumped, “Crap. Right, sorry. Okay, let’s take it from the second bridge and see if we can get that - thing - fixed.”

“Yo Clay, my man, give her the rest of the bottle.”

Beca didn’t argue when the glass bottle was passed to her, instead, she just drank straight from the neck, taking a deep breath and nodding for EZ to begin.

 

* * *

 

 

Working - didn’t - help.

At all.

She was putting EZ through his paces, making him go over and over and over the same parts of the song, trying to iron out the wrinkles and all she was doing was driving them both nuts. The hell was wrong with her? She couldn’t seem to...life, right now...

Even when Hunny showed up that evening, Beca still couldn’t seem to make herself stop. If she could just get this one part right then she would feel better but what the hell was wrong with it? She couldn’t place it. It was driving her fucking nuts! Coffee, she had just had too much coffee this morning - only, wait no, she had left the house before the coffee - any coffee. What the fuck? Maybe she needed coffee. If she could just stop freaking seeing those stupid eyes for a second, that would really help. If she could _just fucking stop_ seeing the look on her face when she had taken that shot this morning, the concern and surprise - fuck, if she could _stop_ seeing those stupid redheaded babies or FUCK, even worse, little brunettes, brunette like their daddy...brunette like their - NOPE! Nope, nope, nope, stop thinking about that, never gonna happen, stop it, stop it, stop it, whhoooaaaaaa, god -

“You okay, Bex?”

Beca felt the soft brush to the back of her neck but shook it off, not really wanting to be touched right now.

“Yo,” Clay said from behind her, “I think someone broke House Bex or somethin’.”

“Shut up!” Beca barked, tuning another knob and pressing her headphones tighter against her ears, trying to block out the sound of her own inner monologue.

“Well. While you do some of that, I’m gonna do some of this.” EZ said, stepping out of the booth. Beca had to work - hard - not to yell at him to get back in there, she wasn’t freaking done with him yet.

“Here, Bex, drink this.” She glanced over at the refilled champagne flute and scowled.

Fine!

She couldn’t fucking do anything anyway, not without EZ. She glared again and reached around the flute, taking the bottle and putting it to her lips. Hunny grinned in that way that reminded her of how hot Hunny found it when she’s irresponsible.

“This girl knows how to party, look at that! Everyone having fun?”

Beca let out a small yelp, sloshing some of the drink over her shirt as her rather rotund boss appeared through the door.

“Yes, sir, Mr. P!” Hunny grinned, throwing an arm around EZ.

“Good, good,” he grinned around at them.

Beca still wasn’t used to this, the open let’s all just have a good time thing that P.J. was into. Shouldn’t she be in trouble for drinking straight from the bottle - in her studio - in the middle of a workday - in front of a client? Nope. Not with P.J. He was grinning at her like he had just found his heir to the throne.

“Hey, boss man.” EZ handed him the joint that he had been working on but P.J. just grinned.

“No, no, none of that.”

“That’s right, you’re a clean and sober man. More power to you, brother. Rock on.”

Beca turned back to the soundboard, pressing a few more buttons, fiddling. She wasn’t agitated; it was just that _everything_ was bothering her, absolutely everything.

She wanted to get this song right.

She wanted to - you know - work.

“Let’s hear it, tiger.”

Beca nodded just a bit and hit the play button, “It’s not quite right yet.”

P.J.’s head started to bounce as the track began, “Umm! Damn. That’s what I’m talking about. Though, that right there, that’s loose, tighten it up. Ahh, you’ll get there, you’ll get there. I don’t gotta worry about you. Okay! Have fun everyone! Beca, Amanda would like to meet with you. I told her you would be at The Royal in a few hours.”

A few hours? The fuck, when did it get so god damn late?

“‘Kay boss.”

“Do a good job, Beca, we need this one. Her last hit kicked both of our asses. This is the chic who won the Grammy the year before last.”

“‘Kay boss!” Like she didn’t know.

“Beca!”

Stress was beginning to bubble in her stomach as she looked up as politely as she can manage, “What’s up?”

“Do good, Bexy.”

“Okay boss.” She gave him a small smile and dropped her head with a groan, her neck hurt. Everything hurt.

 _‘You kissed me’_ \- god damn it! Okay, so she had run this morning, like, legitimately run...like a kid...but...could anyone blame her? What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t tell Chloe that she still remembered exactly how her skin had smelled as her nose had brushed against it on her wedding day. She couldn’t tell Chloe that if it had gone any further, if she had done it - kissed her throat, it would have been the lips next and then everything would have been over because her evil gay trolling self was too caught up to fucking stop? She couldn’t tell Chloe that she wasn’t sure she had any more self-control now than she did then. She couldn’t tell her that - this -fuck, this was all she had fucking thought about all fucking day and it was ruining her life! God damn it, make it stop! Her head fell with a thump onto the board, making the room echo with strange pings as her face hit the sequencer.

“Bexy,”

“Yeah?” Her head shot back up, gluing as genuine of a smile as she could find onto her face. “You get her and she’s yours. Solo name, baby. Let’s see what you can do.” P.J. called over his shoulder as he left the room, making Beca jump. Shit. Did he just say that? Did he - fuck, did he just say that?!

“Dude!” She turned to Hunny, “Did he just say that?”

“Say what?”

Did solo name really mean, solo name? She swiveled back around, barely paying attention. Oh my god! Like - holy shit! She pulled her headphones back on, her stomach doing a nervous polka.

The room went silent behind her for a minute before Hunny let out a purr, “Let’s get this party going, shall we?”

Beca didn’t even need to turn around to know that Hunny had brought out her little glass pipe. God damn it, she was trying to fucking concentrate. “Hallway!”

“What?”

“If you’re gonna do that then do it in the hallway.”

“You don’t want some, lil’ mama?”

“I’m tryi - I haveta-” She swung herself back around because yelling at a client wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t even his fault really; it’s those stupid blue eyes.

WHY DID SHE CARE? She didn’t get it! Why did Chloe even care? And solo name...what did that even _mean_?

“Awww, come on, don’t be a party pooper, House Bex!” Clay cried, clicking his tongue.

“Yeah, babe!” Hunny purred, pulling on Beca’s arm.

“Dude, I have to work. I have to get this right. You heard P.J. I need to be at The Royal soon.” She didn’t - fucking want to - she wanted -

“Every party needs a pooper, that’s why they invited you here-” Hunny began to croon, grinding her hips on EZ and laughing.

“ _Guys_!” Beca bit the inside of her cheek and after taking a meditative breath, turned directly to EZ; layering on as much charm as she could, “Do you want me to hit that or do you want this to sound good?”

“Alright, alright, no need to yell lil’ mama. We’re goin’.”

“No, what I need, EZ, is for you to be _in_ your head and in there!” How were they supposed to get any work done? It was getting late, she had to, fuck. Her stomach was starting to turn sour. She drained a bit more of the champagne but it didn’t help either. She just needed a few minutes _alone_ with EZ - minus his crew – minus _Hunny_ \- so they could work, really work. God, she missed that about her internship. They _worked_. They talked, they discussed and planned, they worked through everything and in the end great music was born.

“Alright, gimmie a second and I’ll be there! Shit!” His usual playful demeanor was starting to turn crisp the more aggravated she became.

All day! It had been all day with this! What was the fucking point? God damn it. They hadn’t done anything of worth.

“Sorry, I’m just getting frustrated because _this_ needs to get cut soon so we can move on to the next one. The next one is going to be a big one, remember?” Beca’s fingers steepled and she did her best to drop back into her charming producer mode, “And I can’t do that without you buddy, so let’s try it again, yeah? We got this!”

 

* * *

 

 

Beca got to the club early that night because it really had been pointless. She didn’t know who was a bigger, unfocused mess - EZ and Hunny or herself. The first thing she did was walk straight up to the bar, “Gimmie a shot of Jack with a Jack chaser.”

“Huh?” The bartender just stared at her.

“ _Two shots._ Just, ugh, just give me two shots.”

“Hard day, House Bex?” Tony asked, coming around the bar and automatically grabbing the bottle of single barrel Jack Daniels and an empty shot glass, both of which he placed in front of her before continuing on to another customer.

“ _Why_ does everyone call me that? It’s not even a nickname! It’s a fucking building!” But Tony wasn’t listening. She quickly poured herself out a shot, then another, the burn soothing her ragged nerves. Her hand closed around the bottle ready to pour a third but - FUCK - nooooo, Amanda was going to be here soon.

‘Do good, Bexy!’ The fuck was that shit? Which was better, ‘do good, Bexy’ or ‘I thought I had offended you’? Both were the golden freaking lines of her day. Awesome, both made her feel super freaking great. Yup. She loved it. ‘Just tell me what I did. Please.’ Oooooh yeah! Suuuper great. She poured herself a third shot, took it and pushed the bottle away, angrily.

“Yo Bex, your crew is here.”

“What?”

“Your crew.” He pointed over her shoulder and she turned to see the Bellas walking in, looking high on life. They all seemed so damn excited to be there that for a moment she envied them.

God, what was it with her today?

“Holy shit, where does this day keep going?”

 

She really would like to just let go, have fun and enjoy her friends - but she couldn’t. As it turned out, Amanda - was kind of a bitch, okay, she was a huge bitch. The moment they met in the doorway Amanda scoffed, taking in her makeup and her piercings. “ _You’re_ Beca Mitchell?”

“Uh yeah,” she gave her the best grin she could manage, taking in the indie look of the folk singer; this was going to be interesting. It was true that she _was_ gay but she had never been the folk singer with a guitar and patchouli kind of gay, “I guess that would be me.”

“P.J. said you’re good.”

Not really knowing how else to respond she just scoffed, “I _am_ good.”

“If you say so.”

Beca took a deep breath, switching modes, “Honey, by the time I’m done with you there will be no one who can deny how good I am, just you wait. Now, how about a drink?”

They started up toward one of the party rooms. “Tell me about your sound,” Beca called over her shoulder, starting to climb the stairs, only to realize she was speaking to open air. “Amanda?”

The hell?

Then she spotted the little blonde folk singer at the base, eyelashes batting at none other than Cynthia Rose. Ooookay. “Amanda, this is my friend Cynthia Rose.”

“Yeah, already got to that, Bec.” Cynthia Rose said, not bothering to look away from Amanda.

Oooookay. “She’s part of my college a capella team, actually all of these,”

“A capella?” Amanda scoffed.

“Hey now, don’t judge. Uh-uh. You should see the things we can do with only our mouths.” Cynthia Rose gave her a flirty wink.

“Yeeaaaaaah, so! Why don’t we _all_ take this up to the third floor.”

It took a minute to get Amanda moving but finally they were all settling in the small party room on the top floor. Honestly, it was kind of nice; at least the Bellas were there too.

“So, tell me about your sound,” Beca tried again.

“My sound,” Amanda leaned forward, eyeing Cynthia Rose and ignoring Beca completely, that was until she turned and said, “could use a few drinks.”

Ugh, my god, was she kidding? One Grammy. That was it! _How_ was it possible she was this much of a diva?

“Right, yeah, totally, let’s get some dranks up in here.” Her hand lifted, signaling the server but Amanda stopped her.

“Actually, yeaaaah, I was roofied once so I expect someone from my team to watch all of my drinks being made so….”

Beca just stared. Was she fucking kidding? _She_ was the only ‘someone from her team’ there tonight. It took her a second to snap out of it, “Yeah. Totally. Okay.” She stood, muttering, “I can definitely see why someone would need to roofie you.”

“Greaaaat, thanks, Becaaaaa!”

“Name your poison?”

“So I’ll have a kombucha, whiskey infusion with a twist of lime.”

“Kum, what?” Cynthia Rose cried next to her.

“They put that in a glass now?” Stacie scoffed, studying her nails. “ _What_?”

Crap. Beca realized she was just staring at Amanda again, “Errr, this is a club, pretty sure they don’t have kombucha.”

“How can they not have kombucha? It’s the 21st century _and_ L.A., people are concerned about their health.”

“Uuuuhhh,”

“That’s like a bar not having acai nectar.”

“Yeaaaah, pretty sure they don’t have that either.”

“Ugh, for the love of Gaia, just get me a whiskey sour.”

“Yeah. Right. Okay.”

The thing was, this early the upstairs bartender wasn’t even freaking on yet.

With a whimpering moan, she started down the stairs, knowing it was going to be a very long night.

 

It wasn’t long before Beca was breathing hard, sweat dripping down the back of her neck.

First it was, “oooooh, Beca, I’m sorry, I thought I told you Jameson isn’t vegan.” Then it was, “Oh Beca, while you’re up can you get a round for the house?” Then it was, “Oooh, Beca, can you call P.J. and ask him’ this or ‘ooooh, Beca, can you call’ insert name here ‘and ask them’ that. Next it was “soooo, Beca, I hear you have some tracks here, will you ask the bartender to put one on?” And then, “there’s a party tomorrow night at The Pantages, can you get me tickets?” It was fucking humiliating. How was it that suddenly she was the burrito grabber again? Where was Jodie so she could make _her_ run the drinks? Her thighs were burning and she was having a permanently hard time catching her breath.

 

She was just running downstairs - again, a stitch stabbing hard into her side and _very_ ready to yell at the bartender to get someone up there in their room when she ran into Hunny and EZ. “Hey lil’ mama,”

“Dude.” She gasped, steadying herself on his shoulder, “I would - I would hug you if I could breathe right now. Never let me be snappy with you again. You’re my favorite client,” she whined.

“Awe,” EZ wrapped her tightly in a hug she hadn’t actually wanted, “someone is in a better mood.”

Beca growled in response and pushed past them, calling back that the Bellas were upstairs if they wanted to join them.

That had been a bad idea though because the moment that EZ and Amanda were together her job doubled - quadrupled. At least it was clear the Bellas were having a great time. Half of them were going nuts over the fact that they were hanging out with EZTeez and Amanda Thorough, the other half were enjoying the Cynthia Rose show in between dancing up a storm.

At least _they_ were having fun.

“Uuuuuum, crap,” Beca heard it come out of Amanda’s mouth and knew it was going to be something difficult this time, “I can’t seem to find my hash oil. Beca-”

Eeeeer…Beca was already looking to Hunny, her connect for all things drug related. Hunny just shook her head, baffled.

“Do you have a guy you can call? I really need it. I kinda wig out without it.”

Wig out? Did she even want to know what ‘wig out’ would look like on this chic? Who the fuck was she going to call for hash oil right now?

“Hash oil?” EZ cried, “Naw, naw, naw, you gotta go with the greens baby, all natural n’shit.”

“That shit is just as processed. I dunno, this isn’t a problem is it, Beca? Cuz, I really need a producer who can really come through for me.”

Beca’s stomach rolled. Right. Subtle. And she had no idea. Someone here had to have hash oil. She pulled Hunny aside, “I don’t know. Try calling Jeremy. You know I don’t sell weed, Beca.”

“Um, it’s hash oil.” Amanda sniffed.

“Alright, weed _products_ , princess.”

With a panicked groan, Beca covered Hunny’s mouth with her hand and reached for her phone. Fucking _Hunny_.

“Heeey,” Hunny cooed, pushing her hand away, “You look like you could use a little - decompression.”

The suggestive way Hunny said it made the corner of her lip twitch up.

“Yeaaah, that’s what I thought, babe.” Beca took a second to enjoy the sensation of Hunny nibbling on her shoulder. “Why don’t you let me-”

“Hey, Beca?” Stacie called, emerging from a long discussion with one of EZ’s crew, “Oh, err, sorry.”

“It’s cool, I’ve got a phone call I need to make.” She said, flashing a wide smile at Amanda, “What’s up?”

“Oh, I was just wondering, where’s Chloe?”

It took Beca a second to register. She had been so busy _all night_ that she hadn’t even noticed...neither Chloe nor Aubrey were here, were they? The hell were they? “I dunno, with you guys?”

“Uuuuhhhh, do you see any red curls around here, Cap?” Amy asked, looking around the group, “Nope. Don’t see ‘em.”

Lilly raised her hand and they all turned to watch her lips move.

“What?” Hunny asked.

“We errr, we never know.”

“You guys are so weird.”

‘ _You’re so weird. - thanks_ ’ uuuugh, crap, she hadn’t been thinking about it for like the first freaking time today but, craaaaaaap.

“We haven’t seen her all day, Becs.”

“Did she go home?”

There it was again, that annoying, guilty bubbling in her stomach. Fuck, had she run her off? She _should_ have run off. God damn it, why had she reacted that way? It wasn’t that big of a deal, right? I mean, “I dunno guys, I gotta - I gotta get this lady her, umm, oil.”

“Someone invited them, right? Cuuuuuuz, if not that would be awwkward.” Flo frowned.

She didn’t - she just couldn’t do this right now. She had shit to do. “Finally!” She cried as one of the familiar bartenders stepped into the room, readying the mini bar. “Jesus!”

 

For not being a ‘late nighter’ it was pretty late when Amanda finally pulled herself from the couch and insisted that she had to go.

Beca wanted to do a little goodbye-and-get-the-fuck-out dance. She was exhausted. Her feet hurt, her head hurt, and she was pretty sure that at some point in the night she had gone into some type of cardiac arrest. She really needed to start going to a single floored club.

 _None_ of the other clients had ever had her run like Amanda had.

She tried hard to get a read on what was supposed to be happening with Amanda now; was she going to join the label or not? Amanda, instead of answering, just smiled politely and moved past her and a grumpy looking Cynthia Rose. Right. Because a straight answer, well, that would have just been crazy.

Beca fell with a huff across Hunny’s legs the moment she was gone, cuddling up into a tiny ball and whining, “That was terrible!”

“Awe, I know but now is the time for fun!”

“But did you hear what P.J. said earlier? He said I would be solo on this one, I think that meant-”

“What I heard was that you need this.” Hunny interrupted, handing her a bottle of whiskey.

Beca frowned. Chloe would have cared about what she had been trying to say.

“Come on, lazy bitch, let’s dance.”

She sighed, brushing the thought off. She was far too tired for it. She was far too...everything for it. A drink, yeah, she needed a fucking drink.

So she got up and she danced. And she drank. And she danced. And she drank - and drank - and drank - feeling better and better as the world began to blur.

Before she knew what was happening, she was pressed between Hunny and some random woman, her hips grinding fast to the beat and it didn’t matter that she had been woken up by a slap to the ass from Chloe, it didn’t matter that she had barely gotten through work or that Amanda had treated her like a slave girl all evening without so much as giving her the damn job. What mattered was that the bodies against her felt great, her accelerated heartbeat felt great and everything, right now, was just great. Her thoughts were clear. Hell, she didn’t have any thoughts left in her, just Jack and music and these bodies.

It wasn’t stressful anymore, it was primal or some shit.

“Let’s go.”

She heard Hunny’s throaty whisper and knew it for exactly what it was. Yeeeees. _That_ she could do. That she needed. So badly. Sex made everything better. Manageable.

Stumbling over her feet she grinned up at her, ready for the challenge of whatever Hunny was going to throw her in the sack. “What about my Bells?” She asked, trying to get her tongue to work and not really caring that it didn’t.

“They’re gonna close the place down. I gave them an Uber code. They’re fine. _Let’s - go_.”

“Oookay, bye bye random lady,” Beca grinned back at the blonde she had been dancing with.

“She’s _coming_ with us, House Bex.”

“Oooooh.”

 

The cab ride back to her condo was a swirl of sensations. She wasn’t sure whose leg was where and what was pressing against her, but it was all fine, she was good, she had this. They had been here before and Beca’s body was happily responding to every stroke, every graze. Her eyes were closed, her hands pressed against the roof as she let out a ‘Je-Jesus’, her mind slipping here and there in and out of lucidity.

The trio was a giggling, groping bundle as they rode the elevator, a little kissing, a lot of touching. They nearly missed her floor, which was impressive because she was at the top. Beca let them into the condo, nearly upending herself as the door swung open.

“Careful, Lex!” The blonde giggled, pulling on Beca’s shirt to help her stand and then ripping it over her head.

What? Ugh, whatever; the thought was knocked from her head as both the women pinned her to the door, teasing her in a way that both aggravated and delighted her.

“Do you have anything else to drink?”

“Mmmm, nightcap.” Hunny grinned, “I left a bottle in the living room last night.”

“Hmmmmm-” Hunny bit Beca hard in the neck. “Ow! FUCK! Jesus, I’m going, I’m going!” The ground almost came up to meet her as she pushed off the door. She had to hold on tight for a moment but then she was able to close it and head toward the living room, tilting and staggering like a sailor.

“Hurry back, Lexie.”

“Who the fuck is Lexie?” Beca heard Hunny ask between the sound of lips smacking on skin.

Oh shit. The fuck was the table doing there? Ow! Fuck! Okay. Straight line. Over there. See that shiny thing? That’s what you want. One foot in front of the other. You got this. Coooommme on, Beca! You can - she froze as her eyes fully focused on her goal and she noticed, for the first time, the form on the couch behind it. Her first reaction was confusion, why was there a woman asleep on her couch? That was a weird thing for a burglar to do. Then her eyes adjust to the dark and she saw the titian spirals spilling over the arm of the couch, her body curled up into a tight little ball, her face resting on her hands.

Chloe was on her couch...asleep...Chloe ….on her couch….and….uuuuuhhhhh….

The room swayed and she barely caught herself before she went down on one knee.

What was she doing here? How did she get in? Unless...had she been there all day….waiting? Fuck, _had_ she been there all day?

Suddenly it was like a bucket of ice water had been dropped on her libido and her buzz. Her drunken, laughing state transforming as she stared, watching the slight twitch to Chloe’s eyebrow, the way her body slowly rose and fell with her breath.

Behind her a loud giggle drifted up from the writhing couple and she scowled; they were going to wake her up! She was fucking sleeping! Shut the fuck up!

She made her way back across the expanse of living room and foyer as quickly as she could, “Dude, shut the hell up!”

“What?” Hunny grinned, reaching for her but Beca pulled away. She wasn’t really interested. She kinda wanted, “Actually. On second thought. Get the fuck out.”

“ _What_?” The humor fell from Hunny’s face.

“Seriously, dude. I don’t -I don’t want the clap. Out. Get. Out. Go.”

“What are you-”

“What the hell is the clap?” The blonde cried.

Hunny’s hand slipped over the blonde’s mouth cutting off whatever she was going to say next.

“Dude, I said out! Take it to your place.” She tossed the shirt at her feet toward Hunny and opened the door, stumbling. What was taking them so long? “I know that you’re all about the group sex, Hun, but go. Seriously.”

“Bitch.” The blonde muttered, sending her a scathing look.

Beca was fine with that. “Yup. Buh-bye.”

“The hell, Bex?”

“Duuude, _go_!” Did that sound whiny?

“Psssh, fine! Whatever. You’ve been lame all day, anyway.”

Beca barely heard her.

She closed the door behind them with relief, thankful for the silence. She could feel the darkness rumbling in her, turning her fun, relaxing drunk sour. She should just go up to bed, just stay out of the living room and go straight up to bed. But what if she got cold? She could at least go put a blanket on her or something, right?

Beca took a minute to take a deep breath, pull her shirt back on and then she was stumbling back toward the living room. She had no idea what to do about the sleeping woman but she did know that she _really_ wanted that bottle. As soon as she was back in the living room, though, she was distracted entirely, staring down at the beautiful sleeping face.

Ravishing. That was a good word for it. Ravishing. That fit perfectly.

She watched Chloe’s nose twitch in her sleep and her frown deepened. How was it possible that it still kind of felt like the entire earth was rotating around this stupid awesome sleeping woman? It had been years, this was pathetic! How could she still feel this way? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t let herself. It was not right. Why was she such a masochist? Absence wasn’t _really_ supposed to make the heart grow fonder, that was just for stupid Disney movies and Meg Ryan rom-coms.

She shook her head and picked up the whiskey bottle, ready to down the contents and fall into a nice dreamless coma for the rest of the night.

“You kissed me.”

Beca’s heart ripped from her chest as she let out a quick high yelp. “Jesus Christ, Chlo!” FAACK!

“You kissed me.”

Uuuuuugh, why did she keeeep saaaaying that? In the darkness, she could see that the woman hadn’t moved, not at all, but now there were bright blue irises looking up at her, pinning her to the spot. Her mind jumbled as she tried not to stare back and spoke before she thought, “ _Not on the mouth_!” She cried, her arms flapping at her sides.

Ohmygodthatwassostupid! She groaned running her hand through her hair, whhhyy did she have to be so stupid?

“No,” the soft voice came from the couch again, “Beca, I’m saying you kissed me...I should have known.”

Wha- what was she supposed to say to that, what was anyone supposed to say to that ever? “Pshh, known what? There was nothing to know! That - that - was just a - what they said - a, you know - aaaaa- I,”

“You never came out to me but I should have known. I should have known that you loved me. I knew everything else about you.”

Oh god, please stop talking in that whisper voice thing. It was doing funny things to her stomach and her brain. Goooooooddammit. She pressed her hand into her eye, trying to clear that fuzziness away. This was starting to be too much. They were coming too close, too close to the truth. That ache, the ache she had known for years was starting to throb. “What? That’s craz-I – pshh, I mean, you were my best friend so – but never – not – no way, ha!”

“I’m sorry.”

The words knocked Beca silent. She stared back into the eyes she had always loved, feeling raw and exposed. She couldn’t - she can’t - what was she supposed to say? Nothing. There was nothing to say. Instead, she lifted the whiskey bottle, ready to hide.

“Don’t drink that.”

“Uuuhhh, what?”

“Don’t. Bec - you don’t need it.”

Beca scowled. She didn’t really like it when people told her what to do. She never had. Call it a - thing. She upended the bottle, finishing it off before she had fully decided to. It was strange not listening to a request from Chloe but - well, that’s the way the cookie fucking crumbled.

Chloe’s face didn’t change, not surprised in the least. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Beca scoffed, her hand squeezing convulsively on the neck of the bottle, trying to keep her mind centered as she looked back, “Tell you what? ‘Hi straight best friend, I’m gay and oh by the way, can I have your babies?’ Yeah, cuz that would have been super smooth, Chlo.”

“No, but it would have been honest and honest would have been awesome.”

Something must have shown on Beca’s face because Chloe just looked up at her for a long minute and then started to laugh into the arm of the couch, one eye out and sparkling.

Beca felt a smile crack as she watched Chloe’s face twinkle, alight, “It’s not fucking funny, Chlo!” But she started to laugh too, “It was torture! Six years of pure fucking torture.”

Chloe sat bolt upright, her doe eyes huge, “ _Six years_?”

“No!” Beca shot back instantly, taking a guilty step backward. Too much honesty.

Chloe eyed her for a minute and then sank back into her spot, grinning again. “You should have told me.”

“Yeah well…” Beca sighed, watching Chloe watch her. That too much feeling started to build again, hurting.

They were staring at one another again, somewhere outside of herself Beca could tell, but she was lost, floating. Chloe was staring at her again in _that way_ , the way that always made the little hairs on her arm stand up on end. She was starting to feel dizzy.

Those lashes were fucking intoxicating, how were they even legal? Oh god, stop staring at me, Chlo. I can’t take it. I can’t -

“ _You kissed me._ ”

There was something there, something in Chloe’s voice that ripped Beca’s defenses away leaving her wounded, naked and exposed. She looked away, humiliated when the tears started to fall. It was stupid, she knew it was stupid. It was the damn booze; it always made her more prone to stupid fucking crying. She could feel that sweet earnest smile on Chloe’s face, the one that always made her feel like she was worth a million bucks.

A soft warm hand slipped into hers and without thinking she closed her own around it, tightly.

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

For a moment Beca had no idea where the hell she was - which was strange because even 'drunk Beca', was pretty good at getting herself home - usually. Then she realized, wait, she _was_ home...just in the wrong part of the house…which was strange but perhaps not overly so. She shifted a little, clenching down tighter on the shirt that was balled up in and wrapped around her fists, burying her face in the side crook of the knee she was pressed against. Why was she in the living room? Why were there _so many_ people snoring? Sleepily, she pressed her nose in tighter, trying to remember what had happened the night before.

Hash oil. She remembered hash oil. That shit had been impossible, but she had fucking found it.

Her clenched fists pulled to her chest and the shirt she was cuddling covered her face. She sighed, slipping back out of consciousness for a minute.

Who was she lying on? Gotta be a Bella...She burrowed deeper again, taking in the scent. Oh, okay, it was just Chlo. Duh. She knew the scent of her anywhere, plus only Chlo would wear jeans this tight.

It was funny how many times she had woken up on this woman for never having been her lover.

She yawned into the thigh, not ready to let herself wake up yet, still groggy, her brain still barely functioning.

'You kissed me'. She felt herself groan internally. That's right, that was a thing. Was it really out in the open now? Did Chloe really know about her…feelings? Her, err, former feelings?

Her brain started to pick up speed and she slowly peeled back one eye. The sun shot razors into her head and she groaned, burying her face again. Nooooo, mornings sucked.

Soft fingers trailed across her eyebrow and a gentle voice, a very close gentle voice asked, "How are you feeling?"

Beca's eyes flew open.

On Chloe. She was _on Chloe_. Why the hell was she on Chloe? The fuck, this wasn't five years ago, this was now and she was on Chloe.

By magic Beca was suddenly on the other side of the couch, almost trampling a sleeping Emily. The fuck?

Chloe was curled up across from her, all of the Bellas strewn around the room, snoring. Why had they all slept in the living room? Chloe's lips slowly curled into a warm smile and Beca nearly choked on her pounding heart. She hadn't been thinking. Why - why the hell - why was she - she could see the front of Chloe's shirt was stretched from Beca's cuddling, from her stretching it to use like an eye mask. The sight was too much and Beca tipped forward, her stomach rocking as she let her aching face fall into her hands.

What was _happening_?

"Here." Through one squinted eye she saw Chloe holding out her sunglasses to her. "You got them before you fell asleep."

Fell asleep on _Chloe_.

Oh god, what had she said?

"Err, thanks." Beca slipped them on and instantly felt just a bit better, "Don't know why I live in a place with so many windows."

"Mmm."

She cracked an eye. She didn't want to but she couldn't _no_ _t_ stare. So she let herself; she stared at Chloe, trying to turn over her rusty brain, scowling deeply.

Chloe just looked back, giving her time to process.

She just - she - ugh, nope. She reached for the bottle on the table. Not doing this. Not doing this. Just going to do my hair of the dog, best way to get rid of a hangover and then - just as her fingers close around the neck she felt Chloe's fingers close gently around her own. Beca froze.

"Bec…"

Ugh, Beca hated how much she loved that sweet look on her face. She hated how much she loved the way her mouth naturally pouted, it would be so easy to kiss, her lips were naturally the perfect shape for it – whoa, Beca, hold on!

"I like to think that the reason you begin your mornings with alcohol is to help the hangover but maybe," Chloe bit her lip hopefully, "let me make you something instead?"

Beca was pretty sure there _was_ nothing better for a hangover than a little more to drink. And a shower. Shower, yes, she would take a shower. She didn't realize she had let go of the bottle until Chloe set it back on the table with a tiny pleased smile.

It's cool - that smile wasn't - totally - no big deal - okay - she watched out of the corner of her eye, her eyelashes fluttering as Chloe unfolded herself and stood. Why - why did she feel - why were her eyes damp?

Chloe stopped just outside of the room and turned, waiting.

Beca groaned, low in her throat and pulled herself to her feet but not to follow Chloe to the kitchen. Instead she went up the stairs to take a shower.

It took her a while to gather the courage to come back down once she was clean and changed. She could hear something, some type of grinding that sounded like the juicer she bought the year before in a bout of I'm-gonna-get-fucking-healthy and then only used once.

Curiosity eventually won over, though, and she tiptoed down.

First she checked the living room, but every single one of the Bellas were still comatose, drooling into Beca's couch cushions and making terrible dinosaur snoring noises.

Okay. So.

She hovered for a minute just outside of the kitchen, watching as Chloe shoved a stalk of celery through the machine, humming happily when a stream of pale green liquid shot from the juicer and into the glass beside it.

Okay so….walk away? Sit down? Walk away? Sit down?

She was sitting before she had decided, pulling her laptop across the counter and opening it to check her emails.

She was not, you know, there, she was just, errrm, her computer was there and emails and - stuff. You're not in here because she's in here. Nope. Just, don't look up. You're alone, it's fine. Just - try to remember what you fucking said last night and how you ended up latched onto her like a fucking Koala because that would be good, remembering is good…or very…bad, toss up really.

Her email program opened and just like every day she had a bazillion of them. She clicked on the first one, something about a retro dance party but she wasn't looking at the email, she was sneakily looking up under her lashes at the woman who was gliding around her kitchen, her head bouncing a little to a song that Beca could not hear.

Hooow? How the hell had she - a small memory popped into her mind. Okay...she had cried...great...she had cried. Awesome. And...hesitantly, she searched harder. Chloe definitely now knew that she was in love with her...you know...back then...but...she glanced back up at Chloe's cheerful face, she seemed pretty okay with it...I mean, that Koala thing happened…so….

"Did you sing me to sleep?" Beca suddenly blurted, a strong memory washing over her of wrapping herself into Chloe, her face resting on her chest as Chloe sang some light pop ballad. Her hands convulsed on either side of the laptop as she remembered brushing away a fiery lock that was tickling her nose and wrapping her arms around Chloe's waist.

Chloe's grin flashed as she clicked the juicer off, "I _always_ sing you to sleep when you're upset, Bec."

"Wha-" Beca stumbled through a few unintelligible sounds. She freaking said it like _years_ hadn't passed! Like they hadn't been running from one another - okay, maybe Beca was just running from her - since she got there. She freaking said it like nothing could or would ever change with them, like they had passed out on the couch together after a really good Hood Night party. She didn't know if she wanted to hug her or groan in exasperation so she just let her head fall into her hands, ugh god, get out of my head, you magical vixen.

Chloe turned and placed a glass of the strange colored liquid beside her laptop, an expectant look on her face.

Beca scoffed, "If you wanted me to drink that then you shouldn't have let me see you put celery in it. Celery does not go with fruit, Chlo."

Chloe just gave her a half-shrug that Beca didn't buy for a second and turned to the sink, rinsing out the machine.

Beca tried to turn back to the computer, but she noticed that Chloe was already halfway through her drink. Not to be outdone, Beca quickly choked it down when Chloe wasn't looking, her whole body shuddering with the general disgustingness of it all. Again she tried to turn back to the laptop, her fingers hovering over the keyboard but instead, she watched Chloe pull some eggs from the refrigerator. She didn't even know she had eggs. Who the hell had stocked her fridge? She was big on take out and … mustard … or… whatever, she didn't cook a lot unless she had a reason to. Ugh. Her stomach was quickly calming; taking the juice better than it ever took the alcohol. Damn it. She wasn't going to tell her. No way. She could already see the smug look that she knew would follow.

She watched her crack the eggs, discarding all of the yolks but one and began to whip them into a frenzy.

"Since when have you been such a health nut?" It came out as a sharp accusation more than a question and she supposed that wasn't totally fair or accurate. Chloe had always been in pretty decent shape and she had always been somewhat healthy. She was one of those freaks that _liked_ to work out, which she did almost daily...and that had always been really obvious in her dancing, the way she moved - aaaaand that was exactly where her mind was _not_ supposed to go. _Anyway_! Chloe had basically been the one to train all of them, including her. But she had always been able to get down with and enjoy a pizza and beer night, just like the rest of them too.

Chloe's lips turned into a thoughtful pout, ignoring Beca's rudeness, "I don't know really, Nick and I have had some - fertility issues and I guess my diet was something I felt like I could control to - help."

Well fuck.

Beca cleared her throat, blinking fast. That had been incredibly honest and her sincerity had just knocked her clean off her feet. Keeping Chloe - over there - was easier with a slight attitude, but that, "I'm uh, I'm sorry to hear that." She cleared her throat and this time did turn back to her computer, focusing on the email.

The kitchen went quiet as Chloe continued to cook and the longer it was silent the more Beca's head swam, filling with things that it shouldn't be filled with; memories from the night before, memories of her lifetime with Chloe, memories of Chloe's shining face as she said 'I do'. Suddenly Chloe's presence was too large, too much. Always, always, always too much. Chloe was here - in her kitchen - making her breakfast - smiling at her – she had sung her to sleep the night before. It all...ow... " _So_. How's Nickie?" In her sudden desperation _not_ to think of any of that - ever again - the question came out thick and nasty, thicker and nastier than she meant it to.

She saw a look register on Chloe's face, a look that told her plainly that Beca had just kicked her in a sore spot - kind of exactly like Beca had intended it. No, she didn't intend it, but she had known it was about to happen. Her mind let out a long groan and she was off the stool, closing the computer - getting out of there as quickly as she could. "I uh, I have work."

 

****

 

Chloe wasn't _super_ excited to be going back out to The Royal that night, even if she had to leave, even if she would be back in Henderson by morning, even if this was her last chance; she wasn't entirely sure she was thrilled about it. She had no idea how Beca did this every night. She had even missed the night before and still she was starting to feel tired. No, that wasn't right. She _was_ tired. She was very tired.

Physically yes, but also emotionally. She had been chasing Beca for days. She had been chasing her and getting nowhere. 'Sober Beca' was no kinder to her, no more interested in knowing her than she had been on day one. Being in this situation now, Chloe couldn't fathom how she had done this for so long when they were younger, chasing her, breaking down her walls. Perhaps Beca's walls were just thicker now because Chloe was getting nowhere.

No, Chlo, she reminded herself sternly, that wasn't true. Beca had stayed in the kitchen with her for almost a half an hour this morning and that was huge!

The problem was, she had been spoiled the night before. Last night had been amazing, without any competition the best night of the trip. The last thing she had expected when she tried to pull the crying woman to her was for her to actually _come_ but Beca had, meekly, teary eyed, and openly vulnerable. She had crawled right into Chloe and Chloe hadn't missed a beat, holding her head against her chest so she could wordlessly soothe Beca's tears.

It had been hard, it had hurt. Beca's tears, they were over her. They were because of her and knowing that had been difficult. But it had also felt supremely wonderful, she missed her physical connection to Beca so much. It was true she was kind of a touchy feely person in general; she loved a good hug and a good kiss was even better but it was different with Beca. Cuddling close to her, brushing out her hair, rubbing her nose against hers, holding her hand; it had always filled something inside of her, something she had never found anywhere else. Her Beca-cuddles glass had been depleted for a long time now and she needed a refill.

Apparently though, one night was not going to be enough to do it.

The Bellas had all stumbled in while they were still like that, clinging close, Beca's face damp. Emily had paused, just inside the door, showing open surprise to see them on the couch that way and Chloe had been sure that the moment Beca saw it, the drunken enchantment would break. But Beca hadn't moved, as a matter of fact, Beca hadn't moved from her until the following morning excluding the one moment she had gotten up and ran to get her sunglasses, yelling that her spot had better still be there when she got back. Chloe remembered thinking then that no one could _ever_ take it. Beca had come charging back into Chloe's arms a minute later, literally charging and something amazing had happened then; Beca had come flying across the room, hitting Chloe like a bag of boney bricks and Chloe – had laughed. It had startled her because the laugh felt foreign, not at all like the laughs she had gotten used to as of late. It had been such an honest, joyful little thing that it had warmed Chloe's hard inside and out.

Instead of the spell breaking when the Bellas returned, Beca had just watched, from Chloe's willing embrace, as they settled onto the couches and floor. They had all talked in low voices for a while, despite the late hour. There had been another small bout of tears - from all of them - when they discovered that they only had one evening left, and not even a full one. Most had early flights Tuesday morning and therefore were planning an early evening.

Chloe was fairly sure that Beca didn't remember any of that, though.

Her stomach churned again.

She had spent the morning with Aubrey, begging her to take a later flight so she could have one more night with them. It had been nice to spend the day with her in Beca's empty condo while she waited for Beca to return, but she wasn't ready to let her go again, she wasn't ready to let any of them go again, and - she wasn't ready -

She and all of the Bellas were on the couches again, talking. They had been talking for hours and the topic was not a pleasant one. Beca and her bottles. Hunny and her powders. It would seem that Chloe wasn't the only one who felt she needed to step in but also felt powerless to do exactly that. What could they do with less than twenty-four hours left? Was it their place to do anything at all? They had listened again as Emily swore the biggest problem for Beca was that she was tired and rundown – and maybe was a little lonely - not that on occasion she drank too much or sometimes even took a few bumps of this drug or that.

The Bellas' point was only exacerbated when Beca finally came home, stress lines deep and walked straight to the bar, cigarette smoke curling around her haggard face.

"Rough day?" She asked from her spot on the couch.

Beca just shot her a look and gave a noncommittal shrug. "I dunno, something's weird - P.J. is being weird. I dunno, anyway, guys, so - I gotta go out to The Royal - _again_ \- tonight, but it should be fun. I'm attending an event _for_ my boss so I should be, you know, a bit more available."

Chloe looked away, not surprised by the brush off. She shouldn't have expected it to be different today. Beca had been her old sweet self with her the night before because she had been drunk, because for a few minutes Chloe had been able to wiggle her way under that shield that Beca had been keeping up. It wasn't because she forgave her for not knowing.

She had been working hard to let it all slide off her back all trip, and she had, but each level stare, each time she openly ignored her, each time she sat somewhere other than beside her - it got just a little bit harder.

She would give just about anything for another chance at it, another vulnerable moment so they could talk.

She was _leaving_ tonight.

She kept telling herself that last night, that was her night, that was what she got - and it had been so good to forget for a while, to pretend as she cuddled her best friend to her. That needed to be enough. That needed to be her goodbye to something that once was.

Chloe could feel sadness pulling at her from somewhere deep within. She could tell if she wasn't careful she would spend her entire drive home tonight in tears not only over Beca, but also because it was her last night and tomorrow she would be back in Henderson.

Beca flopped down on the couch across from her so Chloe clicked on her smile, hiding her semi morose thoughts.

"I'm glad." Amy gave her a big smile and patted her leg, "One last drink for the road."

"Huh?" Beca's head turned so quickly she almost took her tumbler with it. Her eyes went wide and Chloe could see her doing some quick math, "What day is it? It's Monday? What? When did it get to be Monday? Where did Saturday and Sunday go?"

Beca's front door opened and Hunny came in, grinning, "Heeeeey, Barden Bellas."

They all greeted her with a little less enthusiasm than normal. Perhaps it wasn't just Chloe who was feeling the underlying sadness – or perhaps it wasn't just Chloe who was still thinking about their talk earlier and wondering about Hunny's part.

"Hunny, it's _Monday_."

"Aaaand?" Hunny took a seat beside Beca, frowning at her sad face.

"We're all leaving," Chloe answered for her.

Hunny gave a start, "You're here!"

Chloe frowned. Oh, and had she mentioned that Hunny had let herself in _very_ late the evening before? It had been so late that the sound of her arrival had scared Chloe awake. Hunny had only stayed a few minutes, though. She had let herself in, gone upstairs only to come down again, take one look at the crowded living room, scoff toward Chloe and Beca and leave.

Chloe was starting to wonder if perhaps Hunny was ready to have her girlfriend back.

"I thought you were staying with the angry one!" Hunny finished.

"Do you mean Aubrey?" Beca asked, laughing from beside her, "Maybe I'm just old-fashioned Hun, but once you've, you know, had your tongue in their mouth, you should probably know their name."

"Nooooo!" Emily hissed.

Chloe scowled.

" _You made out with Aubrey?"_ Stacie cried, her jaw hanging open. She jumped when she realized her friends were staring at her. "What? It's uh, interesting." Stacie threw a coltish leg over the other and began filing her nails with a ferocity that bordered on manic.

"Hey, shouldn't you be cuddling with your teddy bear right now, House Bex?" Hunny fired back, ignoring Stacie completely.

"Errr-"

"You were balls deep and snoring last night."

Beca flushed scarlet as Hunny gestured to Chloe, "I uh, um, what?"

Defiant annoyance twinged through her as Chloe felt her cheeks rising to match Beca's. She wouldn't look away; she would not be embarrassed. She would have held any one of them the night before if they had needed it - even Hunny.

"Monday!" Beca finally cried, grasping at the words as though she were trying to run over a banana peel.

"Right. Yeah, that came up quickly!"

"It usually does." Flo frowned, studying her feet.

"Well hey," Hunny sat up, her face shining, her eyes pointedly skimming over Chloe. Hmm, she and Hunny had spent the previous few nights enjoying one another, dancing and laughing. It looked as though that was over now. "Let's really make it a night then, okay? One for the scrapbook." They all shared a small smile, unsure but willing. "Which reminds me, Bex -"

Where did 'Bex' come from? Chloe's jaw tightened a bit as she watched Hunny turn to Beca. She didn't really like 'Bex'; it was too - I don't know, something. It wasn't sweet enough. Then again, maybe Hunny didn't know how sweet Beca really was. They didn't seem to have a very serious relationship.

"I just got off the phone with EZ, I told him about the party and he's totally bringing a whole crew tonight. And,"

"What?" Beca had only just leaned back against Amy but now she was upright again. "No, no, no, Hunny, you didn't! Noooo!" Chloe watched Hunny's face grow confused and then annoyed. Hmmm, Chloe liked everyone, that was just who she was...but maybe….yeah, maybe she didn't like Hunny so much. Beca grabbed her cigarettes and lit one, pulling in an impressive amount of smoke. "Why did you do that?"

"He wanted somewhere to go, what was I supposed to tell him? He was bored. Isn't keeping him entertained kind of your job?"

Surprise registered on all of the Bellas' faces at that, each looking away in turn; awkward.

"God damn it, Hunny!" Beca groaned, pulling herself up and stepping over Emily. "You should've - freaking - asked me."

Hunny followed her, stomping up the stairs and though they didn't want to, the Bellas had no choice but to sit and listen to them fight for quite a while after that.

No. Chloe didn't like Hunny. She watched for the next hour as Beca flitted around the condo, getting ready to go, Hunny trailing after her, pouring and pouring. She hadn't been sure she disliked Hunny, hadn't been positive she wanted to waste so much energy on something like that, create so much _negative_ energy within herself. Then, just as everyone was ready, she watched as Hunny pulled Beca aside. At first, she hadn't been able to tell exactly what was happening. Were they kissing? More fighting? Then she heard distinctly, "Hunny, I don't wanna, I don't - no, I want to function - no, I don't - ugh fine. No, not that much. No. Fine. Fine!"

Chloe watched, furious as Hunny all but fed Beca the party favor.

Her jaw was still hanging open when Hunny sauntered over to the door, "You know, _Chlo_ , that dress - it's so - cute."

So it was going to be war then. Chloe's eyes narrowed. She happened to love this dress.

"It just, it isn't really _L.A_., you know?"

Chloe opened her mouth but Beca appeared in the doorway, gathering her keys, "Don't be a dick, Hunny, not everyone has a personal stylist specifically for L.A. fashion."

Beca just blew by her, out the door, not a look, nothing but still, Chloe felt her lips twist, her quiet smile still on her face when they arrived at the club.

The night was the same as all of the others. Pounding music, liberal drinks, laughter, and dancing, so much dancing. The Bellas really seemed to understand that this was their last hoorah and they were going to make it count. Within an hour Chloe's dress was plastered to her back, her breathing hard, her curls noticeably limp.

"Girl, you on _fire_ tonight!" Chloe grinned over her shoulder. They had been joined somewhere along the way by the rapper that Beca was working with. He seemed nice enough but she didn't really like the way he watched her ass as she moved.

She _was_ on fire tonight. She was on fire because she was dancing away all the thoughts. Every time she remembered that she was supposed to be in the car soon and on her way back to Henderson - she danced. Every time that she appeared at Beca's side, ready to ask for at least one dance - _Hunny_ swooped in, scooping Beca off to a friend of theirs or a client - Chloe danced. Every time she remembered that little bump that Beca had taken before they left the condo - she danced.

Had she simply turned into a prude in her weird suburban life? Was that it? Beca seemed fine, honestly. She had been watching with an eagle eye for any sign that she should _do_ something, that she should - she didn't know. But Beca's dance moves were exact, perfect even. When she was whisked away she ran up and down the stairs with impressive focus, seeming far less tired than she normally did. Soooo, maybe Chloe was a prude. No, she wasn't a prude; she had _never_ been a prude. How could anyone think that of her? Not with the things she was willing to do in bed when properly motivated, not with the kind of secret thoughts she had. I mean, come on, she had happily walked in on Beca naked less than a day after meeting and it hadn't even occurred to her to be embarrassed until Beca had been. No one could call her a prude, it was just - it's Beca and Beca- perhaps she had always had a shitty attitude but this had never been her thing. And the _smoking!_ That poor beautiful voice!

So Chloe danced and Chloe watched Beca be fine - for about an hour. Then Chloe noticed that Beca was starting to slow.

Then she was starting to lean.

Then she was barely moving, looking as though she could fall over at any time. She kept taking sips from drinks, pouring herself a shot here and there - but she was lagging. And it was scaring Chloe.

Hunny apparently noticed it too.

She watched Hunny pull her away from the rapper and she knew what she was doing. She was offering her more.

No.

Chloe couldn't just _watch_ as Hunny gave it to her again. Beca was barely conscious. This - no! It wasn't her decision, it wasn't her business but - for a moment she felt Beca in her arms again and she reacted before she thought.

"Hey guys!" She grinned, sliding an arm around Hunny's waist, "So when am I going to get my dance?"

Hunny's hand disappeared into her pocket as she flashed Chloe a smile, "Errrm, not at this moment, 'kay Chlo?"

Chloe sighed, pretending to think about it, "So, Hunny. Is that your real name?"

"No. It's my Hollywood name. Like Cher."

She frowned, "But Cher's name is _Cher_. It's Cherilyn…Cher for short."

"Yeah, well, Hunny is short for Megan. Hold on." Hunny disappeared toward the bar and Chloe took her chance.

Her hands closed tightly around Beca's, "Bec, what are you _doing_?"

"What? Nothing." Beca pulled back but Chloe didn't let her go.

"Beca, this is dangerous. You could get addicted. You could have too much, you could,"

"God, stop trying to tell me what to do, Chloe! Fuck! Just because I cried doesn't mean anything is different." She pulled away harder this time, shoving away and glaring at her.

"Beca, I'm being serious."

"So am I, Chloe!"

Chloe watched Hunny envelop Beca, dragging her to a group of their friends, far from the Bellas.

She knew it was not Hunny's fault, not really, Beca was an adult who could make her own decisions, but she hated Hunny because of this. At least, she assumed that was why she hated Hunny.

There were so many reasons that it was hard to say.

 

* * *

 

 

The teary goodbyes started a few hours later.

Beca had perked back up again; Chloe didn't want to think about how. She had spent the last two hours mimicking their first night at the club. A skinny blonde had appeared around eleven, as well as a man in a suit and Beca had been moving since then. As a matter of fact, Beca had been running her little tail off, which was almost impressive given her earlier state and the huge amount of whiskey she had seen Beca drink.

Finally, Amy had caught her on the way back from the bathroom and told her that she and Lilly were going to head back to Beca's as they both had the earliest flights in the morning.

Chloe had made it through that one without tears, only just. But when the rest of the Bellas found her a bit later, tears already on their faces she hadn't been able to make it. She had held them tight, promising to call more, promising to come visit. When they tried to pull away she hadn't been able to let them go.

"Seriously, Chloe," Cynthia Rose said, sniffing, "Every summer. I want to do this every summer."

"Okay." She nodded, pulling her close again.

How had the days gone by so fast?

"Did you guys say bye to Beca?"

"Yeah, tried to. Girl is busy. Amanda runs her hard, doesn't she?"

"Yeah well," Stacie sighed, "It will all be worth it if Beca gets to put her name solo on her album."

"Solo? Her boss would do that?" Why would he retract his name? That was a strange thing to do.

"Apparently."

"Uh-oh guys, the Uber is here. We gotta go." Jessica frowned, a few more tears falling as she looked up from her phone.

"Oh god. Be safe you guys. Let me know when you all arrive home. I love you all."

She watched them all make their way from the club with a heavy heart.

When would she see them again?

She pulled out her phone and glanced at the time. It was well after eleven. She had told Nick she would be back very late tonight or early in the morning. That meant it was time for her to go too...instead, she went to the bar and ordered another seltzer.

Just one more hour.

Beca looked so busy right now and she would leave without a few minutes of her time.

So Chloe hung back, watching Beca work, dancing with a few strangers. Her enthusiasm was low, however, and mostly she sat by the bar waiting for the moments when Beca would come whizzing by, ordering a drink for her possible client, for P.J.'s client in the suit or taking a drink herself.

She had heard about the night before with the folk singer, heard about how she had treated Beca. It must have been going better this time because though Beca was looking tired, she was smiling.

The hours began to lengthen, eleven turning into midnight, turning into one. She knew she needed to go, knew that there was no way she would be able to get enough sleep for her drive but...she just couldn't seem to make herself do it. She had put down her water glass who knew how many times, readying herself but she always just picked it back up again.

She...she didn't _want_ to go. That was the problem. For all the reasons in the world, she didn't want to go.

She knew before she had come to this weekend that she wouldn't want to go home but - it was so much harder than she had imagined and her worry for Beca was only helping to glue her butt to her chair.

It was true that 'Sober Beca' pretty much hated her but - just not yet. A little longer. She would go soon.

But soon the club was beginning to thin. Patrons were filing out with their catches of the night or looking mournfully at those who had been caught, the music was beginning to slow and eventually the shout of 'last call, get 'em while you can' echoed through the pounding bass.

Still Chloe couldn't go.

Beca was still running, gathering people, gathering the rapper and Hunny, the blonde and the man in the suit for a few more shots before the night was over.

Chloe watched her power through two, cringing. Beca - apparently had a talent. She could put back an awful lot but - maybe she should stay long enough to drive her home. She wasn't sure if once Beca was done working she would stay on her feet long enough to call a cab and there was _no_ way she could drive.

So Chloe continued to wait.

The club continued to empty.

Eventually, Chloe watched Hunny leave with a gorgeous hunk of a man, tossing Chloe a gross smirk as she did.

Beca was starting to slow again.

"Aren't you two dating?" She called; hoping that Beca would notice she was still there and give her a minute.

Beca just glanced toward the door as though she could see Hunny through it, "Yeah, it's not - it's - we're not like that." But then she was gone again, making Chloe's teeth grind.

Finally the music was switched off as the DJ called, "Okay everyone out! We love you, we're happy to see you, but now our beds are calling to us. We wish you all a good night."

She couldn't put it off any longer.

She felt her breath hitch into a gasp as she realized that it was time. She - she didn't have a choice anymore. She had checked out of her hotel room that afternoon. She had waited for Beca all night. It was after two in the morning and she had to go - back to her life - back to Henderson and away from -

Her thoughts were distracted by a high scream followed by a peel of drunken laughter.

Beca and the blonde were sitting at the foot of the stairs, arms tossed over one another.

"Toooooony!" Beca cried to the bartender behind Chloe, "We've fallen and we can't get up!"

"I see that!"

Chloe rose, unsure if her help would be welcome. "My goodness!" Thankfully it was the blonde who took her hand first. She pulled them both to their feet and trying her best to swallow down any and all emotion, she followed behind them as they started for the door.

Beca and the blonde trying to help one another through was something like the blind leading the blind. They stumbled and fell, only just managed to get to the car that was waiting for the blonde, in one piece.

Beca was a ball of drunken sunshine and Chloe would have loved it - if she knew how she was getting home.

Finally, after some rather impolite shoving, the blonde was in the back seat of the car, flopping onto her back and groaning.

"Okay Mr. Pete!" Beca saluted the driver, "Take her away!"

"Will do, ma'am."

"This was the best night ever!" The blonde yelled making Beca cheer and wolf-whistle.

"I told you House Bex knows how to _do_ it!"

Chloe rolled her eyes, a smile tinting her lips as she sighed.

Beca turned to go back inside but stumbled when she realized that Chloe was beside her. "Whoa, god. That's right. Errr, hi. Um."

"Hi." With a determined sigh she grasped Beca's shoulders, pushing her backward toward the shadow of the awning, trying for some vague semblance of privacy.

"Ooooh shit, walkin' backwards," Beca cried, clutching tightly at Chloe's hands so she didn't fall.

"Bec. I have to go."

"Hmm?"

"I have to go, Bec, I was supposed to leave like five hours ago."

"Go?" Beca shifted a little so she was leaning against the wall, "Wait, as in go - go?"

Chloe's heart started to slowly swell when she saw a look of complete confusion on Beca's face, as though it never occurred to her that Chloe would eventually be leaving again.

"But - but you just got here." Those deep blue eyes blinked slowly and Chloe watched as a familiar hurt came crashing through them.

She hated it. She wanted it to stop. Why did it feel so much like she was abandoning her?

Suddenly Beca grabbed her arm. Chloe jumped, thinking that perhaps Beca was falling over but Beca just squeezed tightly, "You _can't_!"

"But I have to, Bec."

"But…" Beca looked quickly away, her face blank, still holding tightly to Chloe's arm.

"Bec?"

Beca just blinked slowly, her jaw tense, refusing to look at her.

"Beca?"

Still no response, none but a small sniff.

"Bec, I -"

"I'm sorry that we didn't really talk. I should have taken advantage of the time or something instead of – being stupid."

She heard the wounded child in Beca's voice, the one that knew it had done wrong and was desperately looking for any way to rewind time, to roll back the clock and make it right, take it back.

"Hey." She ducked her head, trying to make eye contact with Beca, but the tiny brunette ran from it. A tear fell from Beca's eye and pain crashed through her at the sight of it.

Ooooooh, noooo. No Beca, no more tears, no more pain, not over me. God, she never wanted her to have pain because of her.

" _Hey_." She finally cupped Beca's cheek, caressing it with her thumb until the fly away girl could do nothing else but reluctantly look back. Chloe sank in the moment they connected. " _I've got my ticket for the long way 'round._ "

Beca's nose twitched, a tear splashing onto Chloe's wrist as she rolled her eyes. She sniffed and, " _Two bottle whiskey for the way_."

She let out a laugh, a small, happy laugh as Beca sang back, her stomach flipping as she felt her own tears threaten. Beca. God, she didn't want to leave her again, she didn't want to step away.

She knew that Beca was only this way with her right now because she was drunk but she would take what she could get.

"Bec." She pulled her in close, needing - just one more time.

Beca's arms closed tightly around her, crawling in like it was life and making Chloe rejoice in the contact, in the backbreaking grip that was suddenly around her.

She sighed, everything feeling better as Beca's face fell into her throat, sniffing loudly.

When was she going to see her again? Oh god, _was_ she going to see her again? There was a good chance that this was it; that they would part tonight and become distant memories.

Chloe's chest heaved and she cuddled tighter, a tear breaking free.

She couldn't stand the thought.

This might be it.

Tomorrow Beca might be - gone.

She might never feel - this again - this warmth that was radiating from her belly, this contented feeling that if she could just stay right here everything would be okay.

She loved this unnamable feeling, this feeling she had come to associate with Beca in the last few years of their friendship. It was like the first sip of hot coffee on a very contented, snowy winter morning where all you had to do it sit around and drink it and read the paper with someone you love. It was like -

She was holding her close, yet it seemed as though the closer she held her the more she needed.

Beca sniffed again and though it was muffled against her skin she distinctly heard, " _I love you, awesome nerd_."

The words make her laugh...and cry.

Why was she _crying_?

Beca pulled back a little and Chloe cupped her face again, needing her to hear what she had to say, through the inebriation, through the pain and the baggage, "Will you do me a favor? Please."

"What?"

"Will you call me? It doesn't have to be all of the time, I know you don't want me in your life that way, but will you just call me, please? Like once a month? Please don't - please don't make me go through this again."

Beca's face grew nervous but she nodded.

"I'm worried about you, Bec."

Beca let out a messy scoff, "Me? Psssh, don't worry about me. I'm Beca, I'm awesome, I'm always like super awesome." But the bravado wouldn't stick. Soon Beca's face fell again, her eyes bouncing between Chloe's. Her hand came up to rest on the hand over her cheek and there was this strange pulling inside of Chloe, strong and desperate. She watched Beca's face, her brows furrowed, "So uh, you gotta go, right? How are you getting back to your car? Want me to drive you? I uh, I -" Chloe's fingers pressed lightly against her cheek and Beca fell silent again.

She didn't know how it happened, what happened, suddenly Beca was tight against her, lips meeting hers in a soft, light kiss and Chloe had no idea how it happened or who it was that started it.


	9. Chapter 9

It felt like days - months - years before the golden light of morning started to shine over the plain yellow of the desert. Two hundred and sixty-seven miles was not a lot, not in many situations but tonight, Chloe had felt every single one of them. They piled on her shoulders like bricks, making her neck crack and pop.

This should have been beautiful, the tranquil light of morning just beginning to reflect off of the pale blue of her eyes, and perhaps it was in a way, but instead of noticing, she just drove, her mind a million miles away.

She had planned to stop at a motel somewhere between here and there, she had assumed she would need to, but instead she had just driven through, too anxious to stop. What was the point? She knew she wouldn't sleep anyway.

So she just worried her lip until it was sore and drove, forgetting to turn on any music, forgetting to sing, forgetting to do anything except get from one point to the other.

Thank goodness Henderson was south Las Vegas, she was just beginning to feel the hours and her lack of sleep when she turned off the ramp and into her city, avoiding all big city traffic. When was the last time she had stayed up all night? College maybe? The early days of her relationship with Nick? The late days of her friendship with Beca?

It was eight in the morning, which meant she would have just enough time to say hi to Nick. She had missed him, in a way - in many ways. He was her friend, a good friend. Maybe they could share a cup of coffee and discuss their weekends before he had to leave. After he left for the day she would take a long shower, perhaps even a bath, and then she would crawl under the covers.

Sometimes it was nice going to bed in the morning, luxuriant even. She loved to sleep, she really did but she rarely took naps which meant that she rarely was able to stretch out in her own bed, taking up as much room as she would like.

Yes, that would be a nice way to spend the morning.

Maybe she wouldn't even sleep, perhaps she would just curl up with a book and read.

It would feel good to be in her own bed, in her own pajamas, in her own room.

The thought of it almost brought a smile to her face. It even went as far as to begin to form but changed midway into a yawn.

She let out another as she pulled onto her block, only stifling it as she pulled into the driveway, parking her car beside Nick's.

Back to life; the thought came unbidden.

There _were_ reasons to be pleased about being home. There were. She had gotten very good at finding them before she left and she would be good at it again - at least she would be until she figured out the answer to that terrible question that had been plaguing her all year long, freezing her in place: what now?

"Good morning, Mrs. Cavanaugh! Where have you been all weekend?" Her elderly neighbor called to her, a large grin on his face.

"College reunion!" She gave him her best smile as she pulled a bag from the car.

"Well, isn't that nice! Did you have fun? How many years has it been?"

"Only four and yes, I had a lot of fun. I think I miss everyone already, is that possible?"

"Four years, you say? Well, just wait until you get to be old like me. I graduated from college, let's see now, forty-three years ago."

"What?" Chloe teasingly scoffed, readying her keys for the front door, "There's no way. You're not even forty-three yet, did you go to school before you were born?"

The old man just shook his head, waving her away and laughing.

The familiar morning scent of eggs and coffee wafted toward her as soon as she opened the door and for just a moment she felt so relieved, so pleased to at least be back on certain ground that she bit her lip and sang in a melodic lilt, "Honey, I'm home."

She heard the newspaper rustle in the dining room so she started that way, depositing her bags on the couch with a grunt.

She rounded the corner into the dining room and her smile dropped like stone. Ooooh no! No, she was too tired for her today!

Marcy just gave her a not so pleasant smile and took a sip of her coffee, somehow condemning without even needing to speak.

"Finally!" Her husband cried, the paper falling around him, "I thought you were going to be home _hours_ ago!"

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe fully believed that we, as people, have slots we fit into in life, roles we play and faces we put on; sometimes we make them for ourselves and other times they are handed to us. It was not necessarily a bad thing; as a matter of fact she was fairly sure that this was how so many lives could be lived in one lifetime, going from a child to a student to a professional to a wife to a mother. She was also sure that was why for the last year she had been successfully living three lives every single day.

The problem was, Chloe wasn't so sure of that anymore.

She wasn't really sure of anything anymore.

Well, she was sure of two things. She couldn't think about it - and yet it was all she thought about.

And she hadn't called her.

She had been noticing a problem over the last few weeks; no matter how hard she tried to bend this way or that, she just - she wasn't fitting.

It was almost as though the rubber band that kept her three lives together and yet separate had ripped, leaking one into the other like a drop of ink in milk.

She had always been so good at being what the people here needed her to be. Perhaps it was her upbringing; the fact that she was at once strong and outspoken like her overbearing father, and yet soft and passive like her chameleon mother. Perhaps it was simply that her independent streak had been broken somewhere along the way, but she had fit well enough before and the fact that it wasn't working now was alarming.

It started two weeks after she returned from her trip to Los Angeles. She had spent the previous days in something of a funk, simply going about her activities and getting back into the flow of life because she had to. She had been a bit mopey and distant; she knew that. It was hard not to be with one eye on the silent phone all of the time. Poor Nick had been very confused, not understanding why she was upset, not understanding why she was withdrawn. It was true they had fought the entire morning that she had returned, but once that was over he had apologized and told her just how happy he was to see her, which Chloe believed thoroughly.

Finally one evening Nick had come home with flowers and said, 'Look, I get that you're not the happiest here and I get that you miss L.A. and your friends and I get that our lives are not as simple as they once were but I'm happy you're home.' He had said it with such an honest smile that she had felt _terrible_. It wasn't his fault that for some strange reason she felt a bit like she was trying to shove on a sweater that was four sizes too small.

He had given her such a hopeful smile that she knew she had to change, had to get over it. Had to stop thinking about - _no_ , no Chlo, don't go there.

After that she had begun to pick up her routine again; mornings to herself, evenings with Nick, nights in the bedroom.

It got better and she began to feel like the version of herself she had come to know and the simple pleasure of a routine life slowly began to come back to her.

Only -

The third Tuesday after she arrived home, she had woken and made breakfast like always. The summer was moving so quickly and that morning her mind was on the near future. She knew that she had made an agreement with Nick and Marcy about not going back to work but she was beginning to wonder - there was no local music program for underprivileged youth in Henderson and she was sure that Nick would not want her driving to Vegas every day - but there were a handful of elementary schools in the area; maybe one of them needed a choir teacher. It would only take a small amount of paperwork before her teaching credentials would be completely transferred to a Nevada license and she could teach. It would be nice to do more than teach from home, plus, once the school year began her students would become far too busy for her. Maybe she could pick up more classes at the gym; the owner was always hinting that he wanted her to teach bikram too and her weekly class was always so full. She could probably split it into two.

It was a nice thought.

She and Nick had exchanged a few pleasantries over their food, even fell into a nice teasing conversation about the work party they knew they would be attending that Thursday night. They had laughed together and that had been nice, she could tell that Nick had appreciated it.

"I'm gonna be a little late tonight. I'm taking a client out for a drink. I should be home about eight or so? Do you want to have dinner together when I get home?"

Chloe nodded, clearing the breakfast dishes, wondering where he would really be and wondering _why_ she wasn't more curious.

Then Nick had gathered his work things and kissed Chloe goodbye.

She had then taken an extra amount of time with her yoga, learning a new technique she had read about, gone for her morning run and showered. When she was clean she threw on the soft, old, overly large Barden Bellas tee shirt, the one that went all the way down to mid-thigh, a pair of shorts and had readied herself for her students.

The first, second, and third student had gone well, nothing out of the ordinary. She had spent awhile talking with their parents about their progress and how/if they would like to continue lessons once the summer was up.

When her students were done for the day, she had decided that her house needed a thorough clean. Nick was always a slob, well, he wasn't a _slob_ , he was just a guy - or at least that was what Marcy said. 'All men are messier than women'. It was always true that no matter how long she was gone for, a night or a week, he somehow made the place messier than she could understand, especially given that he tended to eat out when she was away.

Chloe didn't mind, she kind of liked to clean. She liked the ordered simplicity of the job, of putting everything back in its place; it was calming for a not very organized or put together person.

That was when she noticed the first change.

She took a deep breath and spent a moment surveying the house. Honestly, it wasn't that bad but they had skipped spring cleaning that year, hadn't they? Their neighbors had wanted to have a block sale so they had done that instead, cleaning out the garage. Grabbing a hair tie, she spent a few minutes simply scanning the rooms, putting together a mental list of chores.

No big deal, just an afternoon or so of work.

Digging her headphones out of her purse she slipped them on, feeling strangely better the moment they were in.

Not that she was feeling bad - it was more like - distracted - more like - she pursed her lips and headed toward the living room.

Okay! Hi - ho! Hi - ho!

It took her an hour to clean the living room, the bedroom, and the master bathroom but she barely noticed, her music blasting in her ears so loudly that she could feel her eardrums rattling. It wasn't exactly a good idea to play music that loud, she liked having the ability to hear but there was something relieving about playing it so loud that it shook your soul; like shaking out the bugs and the cobwebs.

….Not that she needed relief….not that there had been a strange weight on one shoulder, whispering confusing things in her ear...it wasn't as though to stop moving, to stop and let her distractions fall felt like certain impending doom.

What was she doing?

How was she?

Had she even considered picking up the phone?

Would she?

Chloe bumped her music up a bit louder.

They did have a sound system; perhaps she should put her Tupac on through there and scare the neighbors. The thought made her laugh so much that she moved to do it, imagining the look on her neighbor's faces when the Cavanaugh house started blasting 'I Get Around' at top volume. They would probably call the police, assuming some teenagers had broken in. Halfway to the stereo, however, she changed her mind. She didn't want to give anyone a heart attack and while she _knew_ her neighbors could use a musical education, maybe that wasn't the way to do it.

So instead she moved to the kitchen, starting the song over and flicking on the hot water to attack the dishes.

Her thoughts started to drift as she listened, scrubbing away. Nothing serious was on her mind, well...anyway... and perhaps that was why suddenly she realized that her hips were moving, bouncing up and down, spinning in circles.

She just laughed and gave in, why not? You would think after the weekend she recently had that she would hate dancing, or at least she would be a little tired of it but nope. How could anyone get tired of such a good thing? She had done this the day before too; she had put on music while preparing dinner and found herself shaking her ass across the floor as she prepared the meal. Honestly, it had turned her sour mood into a good one. So she gave in, popping and rolling at the sink, not minding as she accidentally splashed herself, the lyrics rolling through her head as she washed, shook the plates out, and then put them in the drying rack.

It was a simple joy, really. She thought of all the times that she had started a dance party in the Bella kitchen with her cleaning or cooking. Her last few years….okay, _all_ of her senior years, she had very little to do academically since she hadn't exactly _planned_ on failing so many times. Her coursework had been done by the end of Beca's freshman year, all except her final elective and the last handful of required student teaching hours. Since she only had one class a week, and was only student teaching a few days a week, this meant that she had a lot of free time alone in the house. It was only natural that she had not only spent a lot of time on choreography and costumes, but also that she had become the main person to do the cooking and the cleaning. She hadn't minded, she loved caring for people and the Bellas were her family. So, much like she was doing now, she would simply put on music at an ear splitting level and dance it out as she went. More often than not a Bella would wander in and join her, then another and another until all the Bellas were cramped into the kitchen shaking their booty's. It was a great stress relief.

One song turned into the next and that song turned into to three more. Lost in the music, she moved on from the dishes, taking a minute to sweep the room before filling a bucket and slopping the mop in. The song changed and Chloe could feel her smile growing as she worked, using the mop as a Patrick Swayze stand-in for her wild dance moves as she belted at the top of her lungs, "Yes, I swear, it's the truuuuth and I owe it all to yooooooou!"

She really did love to dance and, without sounding a bit egotistical, she was pretty good at it. I mean, the Bellas won so many titles and their dancing was so much of that. Perhaps it was simply that -

The scream ripped from her throat before she had given it permission, making her flail as she slipped on the puddle of suds and went down hard on her ass.

"Oh my god, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Her music had been up so loud that she hadn't heard the front door open or Nick come in. "Nick! Wha- you're home so early!" She knew she looked ridiculous sprawled across the kitchen floor, her shorts and tee shirt soapy and wet. She hadn't been doing anything wrong and yet she felt - caught - her stomach uncomfortable. She gave him an uneasy smile, "What are you doing here?...Nick?"

Then she realized what it was.

He was laughing, it wasn't a big deal, of course it wasn't, she _wasn't_ doing anything wrong. He offered her a hand and she pulled herself to her feet, watching his face with trepidation.

His smile was huge as he teased her about the new Olympic sport she had just created, his eyes alight. He handed her a hand towel and then began wiping her legs with one of his own.

All the while, he had that look in his eye, the one that had turned her head so thoroughly in the beginning of their relationship, the one she always saw just before they would disappear into the bedroom for hours in their early dating life; that ardent focus, like a cat that had just seen a mouse.

She saw it and she knew it for exactly what it was...and her stomach turned to ice because she felt - _absolutely nothing_.

They went to bed together almost nightly, they had the night before and they probably would that evening... and Nick was fine in bed. It was always very - nice. She liked some things - more than others but - she could get herself into it… He wasn't terrible… he could even give her an orgasm. She could get enthusiastic, especially knowing that this was the act that would get her the family that she wanted _so_ badly. She thought of it as...cause and effect, it was a mental game, but - she saw his eyes flick over her wet shirt and for the first time, she felt herself detach.

It felt...wrong...she almost...couldn't stand to have his eyes on her that way. She could _feel_ them and she didn't like it, like bugs crawling up her thighs. She thought of him, of his possible arousal and blanched.

The reaction was so strong, so surprising that she took a step away from him, laughing it off when he noticed.

She used to not mind his eyes on her; hell, Chloe Cavanaugh could put on a _damn good_ show and everyone likes - even needs to feel desired by their partner. Nick's physical response, it was a compliment but…

"What's wrong, Chlo?"

"Nothing!" She laughed, picking up the mop. There was a low-grade panic in her gut and she didn't understand it. Where was this coming from? "What are you doing home?"

"I thought I'd surprise you." He gave her that charming boyish smile, pulling off his suit jacket and unbuttoning his sleeves. She could feel his anticipation building and it just made her tired. "I cancelled drinks. I thought maybe we could have a nice night in. Dinner, maybe a movie. I'll cook."

"Ooooh, wow, you'll cook, huh?"

"Sure! Whatdya want?" He grinned again and stepped a bit closer.

Chloe took another step back, "Hmmm, there aren't a lot of delivery options in this town."

"Hey, I'm a great cook!"

She laughed; her very sweet, very lovable husband could burn water.

His hand reached out for her and she knew that if she didn't move her third life would replace her first - now - possibly in the soapy water, and she just - she would rather have a root canal. She didn't understand. She _loved_ sex. She had done a great job with it all year; she still found it enjoyable. "Um, I'm all soapy now so here," She put the mop in his reaching hand, "Why don't you finish this while I get in the shower?"

"'Kay, but hey Chlo, why I don't I join you first?"

Chloe could hear the ragged, roughness to his voice but she was already gone, out of the room and closing the bathroom door gently but thoroughly behind her.

The softness, the feeling of pantyhosed legs against soft, shaved ones drifted into her mind, the roughness of the hotel couch under her thighs.

She turned the water on full blast, shaking her head out hard.

That wasn't the only change. It was as though being with the Bellas again had reminded her of things long forgotten, how she used to think, how she used to feel. She didn't know if she liked it because it made her wonder - how much of herself _had_ she really lost in Henderson?

The strange thing was her Bellas weekend was also bringing another memory up, a memory from the last Bella retreat the previous year and that - that was a problem that she didn't know how to face. She had accepted that it had happened, been pleased even, she had accepted what it meant - but _why_ was it suddenly here now, constantly knocking on the back of her mind after a year of lying dormant? She wished she had anyone she could ask but the one person - well, she hadn't called.

Her birthday came and went and though Chloe tried to insist she wasn't, she had waited all day hoping that damn phone would ring – which was silly, she was thirty now and yet…

A week into August she had been toward the tail end of cooking a very good dinner, Nick's favorite as a matter of fact, when Marcy had appeared at their front door. Things had been getting better - and worse. She was slipping a little further back into her role, pushing and shoving but - the thoughts she refused to have in the day had begun to wake her in the night, reminding her of the soft face in her palm, the small gasp of surprise.

"Heeey, Mom," Nick grinned, stepping aside to let her in.

"Good evening, oh, it smells wonderful in here."

Chloe tried to find the hidden meaning in that, there was always a hidden meaning, but she couldn't seem to find one, "Thank you, Marcy," she called over her shoulder. "Are you hungry? Would you like to stay?"

"Why thank you! It's so nice of you to offer."

"Chlo and I were just about to have a glass of wine while we wait for dinner to cook. Can I pour you one?"

"Sure, dear."

"Red or white?"

"White please."

Chloe scowled to herself over the osso buco she was placing in the pan. She and Nick had enjoyed a very nice afternoon. They had gone to an estate sale that morning and then had a nice lunch in the park. She appreciated that about Nick, he had always known how to wine and dine a lady. From what she had seen, he got it from his father. Trent could be a very charming man…when he wanted to be.

She had enjoyed her day and, while sometimes Marcy was wonderful company...sometimes she wasn't.

"Chloe, you coming?"

She took a deep breath as she placed the pan in the oven, chastising herself for her bad attitude. "Coming." How to bridge the gap between she and Marcy was something she wondered all of the time. Would it get better if she had his baby? She didn't know but she hated their relationship. She hated the tension.

She clicked on a smile and headed to join them, taking the glass of wine Nick handed her and curling into the couch beside him. He was easy to cuddle into, tall and broad. His chest had always been hard, when they had met he had only just left his rowing team but now a few years later, he had put on a little bit of a belly and Chloe liked it; it made him softer. She let him pull her under his arm and exchanged a smile with him, laughing when he nudged her wine glass as if to say 'my mother is here so drink up'. She really could have been less lucky when it came to who she married.

"Chloe sweetheart, do you think that's wise?"

"Hmm?" Her thoughts had been drifting elsewhere again.

"Well, it just seems like drinking right now would be a foolhardy thing to do."

That ripped her mind from a few weeks ago, "What?"

Marcy sighed, "What I mean is, you never know the effect it could have on-"

"On my chances of getting pregnant." Chloe finished for her, understanding, her mood dropping. Sometimes she wished that she were simply infertile, that way this could stop coming up. It was ridiculous, I mean really -

"Mom!" Nick groaned, "Really, Ma?"

"What? It just seems as though, if this were really important to her it would be wise to abstain from-"

"From what, Mom?" Nick asked, "From everything that might be bad for a baby? Please don't hint that maybe this isn't important to her or to us." Chloe knew Nick was thinking about the other day when he had come home to find Chloe bawling over a photo of a redheaded toddler in the latest 'The Children's Place' catalog.

Chloe frowned into her wine glass, talking before she thought, "What kind of a life would that be, Marcy?" Her voice was soft as she thought but yet, she clearly wasn't thinking because what would saying this help? "We already don't have a pet because of their dander, we don't eat hot dogs or fish, I avoid everything with vitamin A in it."

"Well, I suppose a few sacrifices -"

The sudden flare of anger was unexpected and sharp as a tack, "I can't live like that, Marcy." She took another sip, stopping herself before she could start when she felt Nick's hand close lightly on her shoulder and added in a much cheerier voice, "So! I'm going to enjoy my glass of wine."

Marcy's mouth opened but Nick cut over her, "So, Mom, how's the summer charity? What's the cause again?"

The strange anger stayed in her chest, glowing like embers, while Chloe sat beside them, adding very little to the conversation. Why had it always been this way with Marcy? She had asked her once, point blank, if it was simply that Marcy did not approve of her. Marcy had laughed, actually laughed, saying that she approved just fine. Of course, that had been in the early days of this struggle.

The timer eventually went off in the kitchen and Chloe excused herself, not all that surprised when Nick offered to 'help her'.

"Hey I know you're mad but-"

"I'm not mad," Chloe smiled automatically, ignoring the tightly wound tension in her body that had been there for months now, ever present, ever growing.

"Listen, don't let her get to you." He said in a low voice, wrapping his arms around her. "I swear she thinks she's only trying to help. We know we're doing everything we can. Plus," he tickled her side ever so lightly, "I'm pretty sure that after last night you _have_ to be pregnant. I mean - I don't know - I think that might have gotten _me_ pregnant!"

She scoffed, pretending to be offended as he danced away.

"That might have gotten the neighbors pregnant."

There was such a silly teasing on his face that she had to laugh, giggling when he took her in his arms and danced her around the kitchen.

Nick. He was always good for a laugh.

They stayed in the kitchen for a while, teasing back and forth until Chloe was grinning, feeling better.

"Okay you, dinner is ready. Go sit down."

He gave her a wink and headed out to gather his mother, "I'll pour you another glass of wine."

"Yes, please."

"Okay, I don't want to brag," she called as she emerged, "but this meal, yeah, it's the tits. Just sayin'."

Nick's full bellied laugh filled the room as she put the serving plate down and tossed him a wink.

"Excuse me, sweetheart, but did you just say ' _tits_ '?"

Chloe blinked, had she? She used to say that all of the time but...actually come to think of it, she had heard that term a lot recently, hadn't she?

"Please don't be so vulgar. You're a _Cavanaugh_. We have standards."

For a moment, she just looked back at Marcy's politely judgmental face, her mind blank.

And then, she was yelling.

She didn't know where it came from.

She didn't know how or why.

But she was yelling.

She was _sick_ of apologizing for who she was. Why should she apologize? She was pretty great, a lot of people thought so.

The comical surprise on Marcy's face almost snapped her out of it. Almost. But oh, it felt so gooooooood.

Instead, she didn't stop until Nick was up out of his chair, laughing and making a joke about redheads. He tried to push her toward their bedroom but she just turned on him, "NO! This is _not_ because I'm a ginger! I just - I can't even -"

She spun on her heels and stalked out of the room, fuming.

The bedroom door slammed behind her but she couldn't stop moving, couldn't stop pacing.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just fit? She had always made herself fit before. Why was it so hard?

In a surge of anger, she picked up her pillow and threw it across the room. The small effort - helped. So she did it again before giving in and pummeling it with her fists.

_What was wrong with her?_

Why was she so tense? Why was she so angry? Was Mercury in retrograde or something?

Then again - why was she even asking herself this?

She _knew_.

It was the same thing that kept her singing, dancing and running during the day; the same thing that kept her on edge, the same thing that woke her every morning feeling more strained, more tense than the night before.

_'I love you, awesome nerd'_

God damn it! She could still feel her face pressed against her chest, she could still hear those words. She could still feel her face in her palm.

Her teeth ground together and she groaned.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

But the thoughts wouldn't stop, not right now, not this time.

What the hell had that _been_? Where had it come from? Why had it happened? Had she just been trying to comfort an upset friend? Had Beca kissed her? Because - if so - that was fine. Beca had been very drunk. It didn't matter. She was completely comfortable with that. Beca had always been a flirt when she was drunk. It wouldn't have been the first time that a drunk woman had kissed her. Hell, that had been exactly how her only kiss with Aubrey had gone. Girls kissed girls when they were drunk.

No big deal. Her pacing picked up speed as she anxiously gathered her hair in her hands. She had been a bundle of nervous energy, walking, talking, and if people weren't careful around her she would shock them at a single touch.

Maybe she should relax, meditate, do some breathing exercises or - something. There was just so much, so much energy.

It had been Beca. Totally. Just a drunken, silly thing that Beca had done.

Oh no, she had _yelled_ at Marcy. Really yelled at her. That was bad. She was going to have to apologize.

God, what was wrong with her?

The more she thought about it - that tiny kiss - the harder everything got.

She didn't want to think about it. She wanted to move on. She was back in her life and she needed to focus on that.

It had been almost two months, just shy of two months and she hadn't heard from her. She didn't know why she had expected to but she had. Those last few moments, they had been different. She thought -

That one little kiss - wow.

Hunny was a lucky woman.

Only.

She let out a frustrated shriek, wishing she had something else to throw.

It wasn't as though she could call Beca, not after that.

The bedroom door clicked open quietly and Nick gave her a small smile, "I uh, I sent my mom home with a plate."

"Right." She nodded, continuing to move. She needed to figure her stuff out.

"So you wanna talk about it or-"

She pulled him in by the collar, taking a kiss hard and quick, so much so that he let out a grunt of surprise, only to be followed by another as she pulled him onto the bed.

She just - she just needed -

He took very little convincing.

But when he slipped her shorts off she shook her head adamantly, "Would you – would you mind -" she was almost embarrassed to ask as she pushed his shoulders, directing him.

"Anything you need, bright eyes." He grinned.

These days she didn't make a lot of requests like this, requests that would not, in fact, lead to a child. She was very much in and out, get the job done and then tie a ribbon on top. She knew that. Nick didn't seem to mind that - always.

Chloe closed her eyes, chewing on her lip. This would help, it always helped. It was centering. It would clear her head.

She shifted this way; she shifted that, taking a few deep yoga breaths as she tried to clear her mind of anything but this.

Instead of emptying, the blank space slowly filled with moments of the year before, the shock of it, the feel of it.

It helped a little and the sound that came from her seemed to encourage her husband.

She shifted again, chewing on the inside of her cheek, searching for the feeling she needed, reaching for something that seemed so far away.

She remembered the way it had tasted, the little sounds and sighs, so different from anything she had heard from the men in her life.

She pushed and pulled his head roughly, desperately trying.

The thought swirled and she remembered the feeling of her face in her palm, her thumb brushing over the soft cheek, the flutter of eyelashes. She cried out as she remembered the deep blue eyes looking up at her, she remembered -

She hadn't realized she had kicked him off until he sat up looking wounded.

"Did you?"

"Yes!" She quickly lied, her thoughts frazzled.

"Great! Let's -" but she was rolling over, grabbing and pulling on the tee shirt sitting beside the bed, the overly large Barden Bella tee shirt, the tee shirt that went down to mid thigh, the tee-shirt that had once belonged to a very _different_ Bella.

The problem was, and she could only admit this to herself late at night when Nick was already asleep beside her, she _knew_ who had kissed who.

 

* * *

 

 

Ten days later and it had gone from kind of bad to very much worse.

She had no idea who she was anymore. The harder she tried to be who she was supposed to be, to fit into her slot, the less she could do.

Marcy had been crawling around a lot over the last weeks, hinting that she knew Chloe had been a less than pleasant partner as of late, which just made her mad because what kind of a grown man went and cried to his mother? Especially about sex? Yes, it was true, she had been a little less than enthusiastic in the baby making process lately and a bit more prone to simply falling asleep or pushing him away when he came close. Guilty as charged. But how could they blame her? She had gone through a very bad bout of the flu recently and – plus - she and Nick were fighting constantly.

Always.

Fighting about her lessons.

Fighting about her class.

Fighting about how many evening's he was away 'working'.

Fighting about the fact that she and his mother had never really made up and instead were living in a standoff.

Chloe didn't know if it was her and her ever present - thoughts - that were starting the fights or if it was the fact that Nick had been kind of a grumpy jerk for the last few weeks. Chloe didn't really want to deal with it; her mind was already full.

She could tell he had something big on his mind and she had tried to coax it out of him once or twice, but the thing was so did she.

She had been having a hard time and the more she thought about her weekend, the more she thought about that kiss, the more she thought about the year before, the harder of a time she had. She told herself just to let it all go, it wasn't a big deal, there was no reason to dwell - on that or the absence of a certain friend but she was having trouble with it.

Tonight the hot topic was hair, little scraggly, brown hairs all over her sink. Really the fight had started two days ago. It had been that time of the month. Not _that_ time of the month but the everybody hovering time of the month. It happened every twenty-eight days or so.

It used to come with such fanfare, everyone waiting for her outside of the bathroom door, friends stopping by or calling, smiles all around while they waited for her to emerge with the little pink stick. Then they all sat and stared, counting in their hands and waiting for the verdict. Nick used to hold her tight, all but giddy with nervousness and whispering in her ear about baby names and preschools. She used to hold her breath for the entire minute and a half, her heart racing to see if this was the time that her dream would come true. It used to be a fun, albeit disappointing ritual.

Nowadays it looked a little more like, 'did you pee on the thing?' 'Yeah, I did.' 'Okay. What's for dinner?'

The problem was, two days ago had been the day and she had forgotten. Actually, she had forgotten to even restock their supply since she came home from L.A. She hadn't done it on purpose, it was just that the place where she bought her thirty pack of test strips was across town and she had taken on four new students in the last few weeks, all preparing for school auditions and a second class. She had just been a little frazzled and forgotten.

Nick had seen it as a personal insult, however, and their fight that night had been a doozy. They fought as they went to pick up the strips together. They fought as they drove home. They had fought until Chloe had finally closed the door on him, refusing to have an audience in the bathroom.

And the fight had simply continued. They fought about breakfast. They fought about evening plans.

They had simply fought.

She just - she didn't get it - what was so hard about wiping down the sink after using his electric razor? Why was he acting like she was crazy for thinking it was gross? It was little dead hairs...all over their bathroom sink.

"You're being unreasonable, Chlo!"

"It is _not_ unreasonable to say that you should spend an extra five minutes wiping down the sink. You spend an hour getting that little five o'clock shadow perfect, what's an extra five minutes? It's gross!"

"Fine! But is it really worth yelling about?"

"No. No, it isn't! And yet, I _have_ to yell these days to get you to actually _listen_!"

"Oh, that's just stupid!"

"Then why am I yelling, Nick? Why? I asked you nicely this morning to just give it a wipe, just one little wipe and look," she threw open the bathroom door, "little hairs everywhere!"

"I forgooot, I'm busy! Why are we even fighting about this?"

"We don't have to be, Nick! I don't want to be! I wasn't the one who started yelling, remember? What's the reason tonight? Last night you were grumpy because you lost a client, the night before it was because your team lost-"

"You're right." He ran his hands over his face, groaning, "Okay look, there's been this wall between us, so can we just, can we talk for a moment? Not fight, just talk. I mean, come on."

La Roux began to play from the living room.

"Don't answer that."

But Chloe was already moving to get it, "It could be your mother."

"Chlo! I'm tryin'- honey, can you come back for-"

She was just - she was at her wits end.

"Chloe!"

She picked up her phone and frowned.

Emily?

She and Emily had always been friends, well, if you excluded the one time that she had hinted that maybe Emily needed to die….okay, Chloe could be a little competitive. They had always liked one another but she was pretty sure that her phone had never rung with this number before.

"Chlo-" Nick sighed, following her out to the living room. "Who is it?"

"It's Emily."

"Chlo-"

But she was already answering, the strangeness of the call worrying her.

" _Chloe_?" The voice was heavy, thick and slurring.

Panic instantly gripped her throat, choking her. She could hear the girl's sobs on the other end of the line, the hiccupping way she couldn't take a deep breath. "Emily? Oh my god, Emily, what's wrong?"

"It's Beca."


	10. Chapter 10

"Beca? What about Beca?" She could feel the blood draining from her face; she needed to sit down because whatever had brought Emily to tears this way was not something that you heard while standing up.

A million different possibilities were already rolling through her mind, each her own personal versions of hell.

"Chloe, she was in an accident. She's in the hospital."

"Emily - oh god, is she - is she okay?"

"I don't know," Emily sobbed through a snotty thick nose, "I don't know, she hasn't woken up yet. And I - I - Chloe, please come. Please, I need you. Please."

"Of course. Of course I'll come." She was already up, pulling a bag from the closet and stuffing some clothing in. "What _happened_? Are you alright?"

"We were all getting ready to go out, me, Benji, Hunny and her new agent. There's this big thing at the studio tonight and – and – and Hunny is leaving for location and, so we had a little party beforehand at her condo and then we left. Benji and I got there and so did Hunny but Beca never showed up."

Chloe froze, the mix of fury and unadulterated fear making her head swim, "She drove – she drove, didn't she?" It was exactly what she had been worried about before she left L.A.

"I didn't know she had that much to drink, Hunny had - her agent - I don't know what it was, something new. I couldn't - I can't - I can't think. We had a shot contest. Beca didn't take it, I swear. Chloe, I didn't know, I - I didn't even see her leave I was too-"

"Oh my god." Chloe huffed, sitting down hard on the floor, putting her head between her legs and focusing on her breathing, keeping the panic at bay. She didn't have time to panic, to lose her head.

There was no getting there soon enough. No matter what, there was no way to get there as soon as she needed to.

"Chloe _please_. I didn't know who else to call, I just - she - _please_." Emily's keen sent a bolt of panic straight to her heart.

"Okay. Okay, I'm coming. Just stay there, stay right there. I'm coming, sweetie."

She wasn't even sure what to do. She needed clothes and shoes and makeup and - she whizzed around the room, her breathing shallow as her mind pictured the moment over and over again, the moment that Beca turned at the wrong time, or swerved and hit a tree or - that moment when Beca's head fell slowly back, her eyes closing.

She let out a little moan and moved a bit faster.

Was she okay? Was she - how bad was it? Emily hadn't said. Oh god, Beca!

"Chloe- I need to talk to you."

"Nick-" she reached out for him, needed a second of support to gather her thoughts. Her hand closed on his shirt and seeing that he wrapped his arms around her. It helped, relieving some of the fear so that sense could trickle in little by little. "Beca was in a car accident. She - she was drunk driving."

" _What_?"

"I have to go. I told Emily I would go, I have to go." She felt the familiar itching around her throat, the one that meant soon she would be panicking, breathing into a bag but _no_ , she didn't have the time for that right now.

She had to go.

Should she drive or should she fly? It was late, there probably weren't many red-eyes out of Henderson so she would have to drive into Vegas and leave her car at the airport, unless Nick would drive her. She was sure he would but then she would need someone to pick her up at the airport or she would need to get a cab and then she wouldn't have access to a car. Oh god, she needed a car, okay, breathe, think.

It made the most sense to drive. The flight from Vegas to L.A. was only about 90 minutes but it would be a thirty minute drive to the airport, maybe more with traffic, and by the time she got there, waited for the flight, landed and got to the airport - okay, yes, she would drive.

Her hand released his shirt and she was spinning around the room again. She had no idea if she had everything she would need, she had no idea how long she would be gone.

"Chloe-"

She could hear the condemnation in his voice, spiking her temper, " _My best friend was just in a car accident, Nick._ "

"I know, I get that but we were talking."

"Nick, I have to go!"

"I know, I'm not saying don't go, Chloe! I'm just asking, can you sit down for a moment? I need to talk to you, I need to tell you something."

But Chloe was already in the bathroom, gathering things there and hadn't heard him.

It took thirty minutes of blank nighttime freeway before the thought occurred to her. Beca might not want her there - no, Beca _didn't_ want her there. If she had made anything clear the entire trip in June it was that Beca did not want her there...and she hadn't called.

Remembering the difference between the Beca who had crawled into her arms and the Beca who had refused to speak to her was something she tried not to think about very often. It always made her heart ache just a bit. There was something that kept Beca away from her, even once she knew her secret and yet, the moment her inhibitions were down Beca had come to her like always. She knew what that meant, she knew Beca too well. So what was it that was keeping Beca from doing the thing she really wanted? Before it was that she had been secretly gay and in love with her, okay so, was Beca still in love with her? No, of course not, _that much_ was clear. Was it Hunny?

Did she just not like her anymore?

Would she be forcing herself on her if she showed up?

Could she stand seeing the look of rejection on Beca's face again? Could she handle that right now?

That thought made her pause, nearly taking an exit ramp so she could turn around and go home. But no, she had told Emily she would go.

Plus -

Beca was just in a _drunk driving_ accident.

She could have - oh god, she could have -

No.

Beca didn't know it yet, but she needed her.

And she, oh, Chloe needed to know that she was okay.

She was tired when her phone rang again. She had heard from Emily once more, the sentence 'she's alive, that's all I know' sent Chloe into such a panic that it took her a long time to realize she was speeding - badly. She didn't like the garbled way Emily was speaking. She had said that she took something - was _she_ okay?

She wasn't sure how she was going to do this. Chloe wasn't great in a crisis; it just wasn't one of her strengths. It had always been Beca -

The thought sent a shock straight to her tear ducts.

The thing was - she couldn't afford to cry right now. She couldn't afford to panic. She needed to just get there. Now.

"Hello?"

"Chlo, I was _trying_ to talk to you." Nick sounded tired, exasperated. "It wasn't easy but I was trying to talk to you."

"What?" Oh that's right, they had been fighting. "I'm sorry, Nick, it's - I just had to go."

"Did you find out if she's okay?"

"No - I didn't. Emily," she had to swallow hard, "It doesn't seem like Emily is really capable of telling me that right now. She seems pretty messed up."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Nick, two of my Bellas are in trouble. I think maybe in more trouble than I knew when I was there. I don't know what to do."

"I think you're doing the only thing you can do."

"I'm sorry I left so quickly. Why don't you talk to me now?"

"What? No. That's okay-"

"I could use the distraction. Please."

Nick was quiet for a long time.

"Is this about the fact that we've been fighting so much lately?" She hedged.

"Yeah, Look, I-"

"What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that."

"Jenny's pregnant."

Chloe frowned. "Oh. That's - that nice." She didn't know why they did this to themselves. Each new pregnancy was reported, as though it was a homerun for the opposing team. "That's great. She's so young."

"It's mine, Chlo."

"Oh." The little sound popped from her mouth, just a gasp.

"I'm sorry, I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for a couple of weeks. I know that you know I've been seeing her and-"

But Chloe had hit the 'end' button.

 

* * *

 

 

She was an absolute mess by the time she arrived in L.A. Honestly she had no idea how the hell she got there and _knew_ she should be thankful that she hadn't been in an accident herself.

This needed to not become a habit, getting in her car and driving for hours in the middle of the night...in tears. She needed her life to not require that kind of drive anymore. It wasn't fun.

There were still a few hours before sunrise and yet there was already heavy traffic, of course there was, but her foggy mind just could _not_ handle it. The L.A. freeways were confusing, five lanes, exists off of both sides and then exits off of the exits, it was difficult to drive when your mind was clear. Her phone was trying to get her there, it really was, telling her to get off here, or be in this lane, but she kept missing it, watching her stop whizz by or realizing she was cornered four lanes from the one she needed to be in.

She couldn't focus.

She was furious. She was furious at Beca for getting behind the wheel, for putting herself in danger. She was furious at Nick because, not only had she been doing _her_ part but she had been _trying_ for their sake. She wanted a different life too, she knew that, but she was doing the right thing. She wasn't just walking away. She didn't just go out and make a baby with some twenty-two year old. She didn't get out of her mind drunk and then get in the car and drive to get even drunker.

She was livid.

And yet...she felt lighter.

And that scared her.

She was in frustrated tears again by the time she pulled into a spot at the hospital, near her breaking point. She had missed her exit three times. _Three times_. One more and she would have snapped, full on panic attack.

But she was finally here.

She followed the signs for the E.R. at a jog, her heart in her throat. She hadn't heard anything from Emily in hours. She had to assume that was a good thing, right?

"Chloe!"

Emily's face was red and swollen with her tears as she ran down the hall.

"Emily," she sighed in relief as the girl threw herself into her arms, sobbing like the small eighteen year old she had once known.

"Have you heard anything?"

"No, I don't think so. I can't – I can't remember."

"No." Benji approached, "Nothing new."

"Hey Benji."

He just gave her a mournful nod in return.

Hugging Emily was great, she could tell the girl needed it and she wanted to sit there and hold her, she wanted to comfort her but after a few minutes she kissed Emily's temple and moved away, toward the reception desk. She had to see, she had to know. "Beca Mitchell, I'm here for Beca Mitchell - please." She added as an afterthought. The woman just stared at her. "She's my sister."

Normally she was so much better at this, at talking to people, at comforting people, but she just couldn't. She couldn't breathe. Why was the ICU so large? 106, 105, 104. She knew that she had left Emily behind and she felt badly about that, but she couldn't handle the girl's sway, her drunken stagger, the honest confusion in her eyes, not until she saw her.

This is what nightmares felt like; moving and moving but never reaching your goal, knowing that you could be too late, knowing you don't know what is about to happen.

Finally she came to the closed door of room 100 and she had to stop, her hands flailing for a second as she tried to take a deep breath. There was no air, no -

"It's okay, sweetie. She's not in too bad of shape."

She looked up at the nurse writing on a piece of paper two doors down, "I'm sorry?"

"Are you family?"

" _Yes._ " She _was_ family, damn it.

The nurse nodded, pulling up a screen on the computer beside her and reading, "A mild concussion, a few lacerations and a severely strained muscle in her back. She got very lucky, but then again it's always the drunk ones that get lucky."

"Does that mean," she had to swallow the lump of bile in her throat. If Beca hurt someone she would never forgive herself, "Does that mean whomever she got into the accident with is not doing as well?"

"No, but I hear that center divider will never be the same again."

"Oh thank god."

"She almost didn't make it, you know."

The panic rose fast.

"But once they pumped her stomach she took a turn for the better."

"They had to _pump her stomach_? Seriously?" She couldn't believe this. How much did you have to drink in order for that to be necessary?

"Oh yes. She should be just fine. But I imagine she'll wake up very soon. The sedative they gave her was very light but she did have a lot of alcohol in her system. If she holds steady we'll move her to a regular room soon. Go on in, dear."

She nodded and without another thought clicked open the door.

The room smelled metallic, of surgery, wounds and pain. The only light was coming from a small lamp just over the bed and the angle threw the already forming bruises into sharp focus. A dry sob ripped from her as she stepped closer.

"Oh god, Beca." Chloe's shaking hand went out, touching Beca's foot. She felt better the moment it was there, sliding up her until it could close around Beca's limp hand. "Beca." She looked better than she knew she could have but the fear did not, would not, leave. She sank into the chair beside the bed, trying to process this, trying to tell herself that it was okay, the nurse said it was okay, Beca has _here_. She watched Beca's chest rise and fall, she studied the curves and subtleties of her face but she did not feel better.

After a few minutes she heard Emily come in behind her and for a while they sat there not talking. What was there to say? Chloe could smell the alcohol and the marijuana reeking off the girl.

"Chloe I -"

Chloe turned, trying to smile, trying to tell herself that this drunken girl was just as scared as she was, "Emily, sweetie, it's very late. Why don't you go home for a while? Take a shower, get some sleep and come back in the morning. It's so late and I -" she needed some time to herself, "It's very late."

Emily's young face stared back at her, blinking slowly, hurt. Chloe gave her hand a small squeeze and the best smile she could manage.

"There's no need for us both to be here."

"She's right, Em. Let's go, we can come back later."

Chloe hadn't even noticed Benji in the corner.

"Okay." Emily's shoulders slumped, "Okay. I'll be back in the morning."

"Okay sweetie, sleep well."

"We'll bring you something to eat, Chlo. And some coffee." Benji said in his somber tone, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Thank you, Benji." He was a good man.

Chloe would have thought that being there alone with Beca would have made her feel better, but instead everything just felt - larger, the possibility of her death somehow bigger.

She - there were no thoughts, just relief and panic, stunting her as she stared at Beca's unconscious, battered face.

At first she didn't realize she was crying, not until her forehead touched the hand she was clutching. She didn't even know why she was crying, which thing it was that was overwhelming her. She cried because of Beca, she cried because of Nick, she cried because she didn't care about Nick or his new baby as much as she should and that scared her. It was almost…relieving…maybe he would want the twenty-two year old now and she could stop being treating her like a birthing cow…maybe…this didn't have to be her life…maybe she didn't _have to stay_ because it was the right thing…maybe this was her ticket out and she could be…free?

She cried because what would a world look like without Beca Mitchell in it? She almost had to find out. Beca almost died. She almost _died_. Without her permission and despite her kicking and scratching, the vision came; all of the Bellas dressed in black, a picture of Beca's beautiful face standing behind a ring of roses.

She choked, her tears soaking the hand she was holding.

What would she have done then?

What was she going to do now?

"Ch-Chloe?"

Her head snapped up, her breath hitching.

Beca's eyes were still rolling, trying to force themselves open.

"Beca?" She let go of the hand and grabbed her cheeks, needing to see her open her eyes, needing to know that she was really still here, that she was okay.

"Ow!"

"Oh god! Sorry!" She jumped back, swallowing the urge to crawl into the bed with her. Right, she was still injured.

"Chloe?"

"Yea, yea Bec, it's me." She slipped her hand back into Beca's, pulling it to her lips and kissing it, "I'm here."

Beca's eyes finally settled on her, squinting hard, "Did I call you? I was gonna - did I-"

"No. No, Bec." Her throat worked, trying to keep any more tears in - for now - there had been so many tears lately, "You didn't call me. Emily called me. Why didn't you _call_ me, Bec? Why don't you _call_ me?"

Beca's face slowly fell into a confused frown, "I was sure the whole weekend was a hallucination or something, I don't know. It didn't feel real," her words were slow, groggy and drugged.

"Why, Bec, why did you get in that car? You could have really been hurt. They said you almost died."

"I know, they told me. Too much to drink and I guess I kinda bumped my head."

Holding her hand to her lips again she whispered, "Beca, you can't do that, you can't _die_ , you can't leave me like that."

"I know."

" _Why_ did you get behind the wheel?" She was holding Beca's hand to her too tightly, she knew it but she couldn't release it, she couldn't, she was holding her to her, holding her hand to her heart, keeping her there in this room, with her.

"I don't even fucking remember doing it. But they gots good drugs here, Chlo." Beca's bruised face broke into a lazy grin but her eyes were rolling again.

"I bet they do." She chuckled, giving the knuckles another quick kiss. "Go back to sleep. I'll be here."

"Mmmmkay."

The laws of time are strange in hospital rooms. Eventually they moved the comatose Beca out of the ICU and into a regular room where Chloe simply pulled up her chair again and continued to hold her hand, thinking, forming a plan.

The sun had been up, high in the sky for a long time when the hand in hers twitched and flexed. She had been dozing in and out but just like last time she waited, needing to see those deep blue irises, as though her eyes were proof that she was indeed still alive.

She had made a decision while Beca was asleep and she wasn't sure that Beca was going to like it. She wouldn't just walk away again. She couldn't. Not when Beca was like this, not when she was so - lost. Her best friend needed help, though what kind of help, she wasn't sure.

"Chloe?" Beca's voice was much clearer than it had been that morning, raspy and obviously sore but whatever sedative she had been given was wearing thin.

"Heey, how are you feeling?"

Beca blinked a few times, confused. "You were in an accident, Bec. You're in the hospital?"

"What?"

"Yeah."

Foggy eyed, Beca spent a second looking around before she landed back on Chloe, her face dark, "What the hell are you doing here?"

She had expected some type of rejection, but not genuine anger.

 _"_ Emily called me last night right after you were admitted." She felt Beca's hand move and realized that she was trying to take it back. She didn't want to let it go, she didn't feel like she was standing on solid ground yet but she let it slide away from her anyway.

"So you just drive from fucking Nevada?"

"Yes, so I just drive from Nevada!" She cried, defensively. "Of course I would drive from Nevada. Emily _asked_ me to but I would have anyway."

"Ugh, Chloe! You don't need to do things like that!" Beca snapped, "I'm fine!"

"Says the woman in a hospital bed. You can't keep living like this, Bec. They said you almost died."

"You're not the boss of me, Chloe! Stop trying to tell me what to do! I have a plan! P.J. wants me to open the label's sister studio. I just need to do this for a little longer and I'll have _my own_ studio!"

"But at what cost?" She looked into her friend's eyes and she saw what Beca was trying to hide, what she didn't want her to see.

Beca was embarrassed and Beca was scared.

"Bec-"

Her best friend just looked away, out the window, falling resolutely silent.

Fine.

If that was how Beca wanted it, Chloe would wait her out. She _wasn't_ leaving.

The room was tense, but neither woman was backing down.

Finally, after an insufferable hour, Beca's eyes started to droop again. When she was out Chloe smirked, taking her hand and letting her head rest on the bed beside her.

Oh god, she was tired. She was so -

Her dreams were not pleasant. Darkness, emptiness, loneliness. No matter where she moved or what she did there was always the panic.

She was almost grateful when the clicking of heels jostled her awake.

Hunny came storming in, making Beca jump, her eyes popping open, startled.

Chloe glared.

"Good morning, babe!" Hunny cried, pushing open the blinds and making both Beca and Chloe reel back, groaning and shielding their eyes.

"More like afternoon." Chloe grumbled.

"Ooooh yay. Gingers back."

Chloe took a deep breath, sitting back in her chair. Her back was sore from the car and the constant leaning over the bed. She twisted and heard a few pops. When she was done she sent Hunny a blank, tight lipped smile, "Hello Hunny, how are you?" She couldn't help but noticing that _Hunny_ hadn't been here all night.

Hunny just ignored her, sitting on the bed beside Beca and leaning in for a kiss. Beca yelped when Hunny pressed against her swollen lip but Hunny didn't seem to mind.

"Word travels fast, Bex."

"What?" Beca looked up, her eyes huge, "What does that mean? Hunny, _what does that mean?_ " Hunny pulled out her phone, showing Beca some type of article.

"Welcome to the DUI club."

Disgust crawled through Chloe's stomach. She said that like Beca had just joined the chess club or had gone through aca-initiation. What was wrong with this woman? Did she really need to bring everyone around her down to her level _so_ badly?

"What?" Beca cried, her voice high, "They gave me a DU- ugh, of course they gave me a DUI." Her head fell back against the pillow and she winced, "And of course there's already an article about it. Great. Awesome. Super awesome. That's just - that's just great. I'm sure P.J. will love that. Stop smiling at me like that, this isn't okay!"

"Hey, I'm sure this will all blow over really easily. EZ said that P.J. was on the phone all morning. His P.R. crew will make this go away, they always do. Don't stress. Remember how easily they made this all go away for Dave after his DUI?"

Wow, this really was a club.

"Are you kidding me? They made him lie and say he was a fucking alcoholic and going to A.A. I had to go buy him chips from this hippie store, Hunny!"

"Hard knocks, babe, hard knocks."

"Are you kidding me right now?"

"Yeees, Beca, of course I am. Laughter is the best medicine, right? If you have to go to DUI school or something that sucks but you'll figure it out." Glaring daggers, Chloe saw Hunny glance over to her. "Though," she said in a low rasp, "I can also think of a few better types of medicine." She gave Beca a suggestive grin.

Chloe looked away.

Hunny seemed to think that was very funny, "So you know I'm leaving tomorrow to shoot next season, right? I don't think you're going to get out of here before then but I think that as soon as I get back we need to have a huge 'Beca survived' party. I mean huge!"

Chloe opened her mouth, but found she was too flabbergasted to know what to say.

"We can get some friends," Hunny bit her lip, resting her forehead against Beca's, "have a good time -" Chloe watched Hunny's hands run over Beca's thighs, "Maybe do that _thing_ that you like afterward."

Thing? What thing? What _thing_ did Beca like? Chloe was on her feet suddenly, her arms tight around herself, "Hunny, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Hunny didn't respond at first, making Chloe insane. She just - she wanted this woman _away_ from Beca. She was like a parasite. Hunny leaned in for a kiss and Chloe huffed, staring at the wall above their heads, "Hunny?"

"In a second, I was about to do something," and Hunny leaned down, giving Beca a forceful, deep kiss, one that made Beca whimper in pain.

She was getting close to dragging her out by her hair if she needed to. It was just so inappropriate! Beca is in a hospital! Didn't she care that Beca almost died?

Hunny finally rose, smugness radiating from her and followed Chloe to the hallway.

"Are you kidding me?" Chloe rounded on Hunny as soon as they were alone.

Hunny didn't seem surprised in the slightest. "About what exactly? Although, you know what? I can answer that question for you. No, I promise you that I will never - kid - with _you_. I'm not sure you would know how to do it."

Chloe's cheeks flushed, "Hunny, don't you think that Beca needs to take it easy for a while? I mean, a party because she _didn't_ die from alcohol poisoning or in a drunk driving accident? Who does that? She needs our _help_ , she needs _support_. What happens when next time it's a minivan she crashes into? She needs-"

"Look, I'm going to go ahead and cut you off before you get on your holier than thou tangent and say," Hunny came close, far too close for Chloe's comfort level, "don't talk to me about my girlfriend - bitch."

 

****

 

Okay, so she hadn't had, say, a whole _lot_ of near death experiences. She had slipped by the pool once when she was four and had gone in but that had been about the extent of it. Her life before L.A. had always been pretty steady. Yeah, she liked to mix music, and she had a few ear piercings and tattoos which gave off a certain image, but she had never gotten into serious trouble; it was more that she had just - had a bad attitude. Childhood divorce and years of insecurity and being misunderstood will do that to you.

Life _in_ L.A. had been a little different.

She hadn't nearly, you know, fucking _died_ or anything before, but she had definitely put herself in a few situations that perhaps had warranted a second thought - or two - honestly that was kind of Hunny's thing. She wasn't a thrill seeker as much as an always on the go, let's see what happens, live for tonight kind of girl. Beca usually went along with it because one, Hunny's constant craving for adventure made Beca feel like maybe she was a little more sane than she had originally thought herself to be and, two, because the long nights of drinking and partying broke up the monotony of masochistic and pessimistic thoughts nicely. Every little near scrape that they had gotten into had been funny in the end, nothing serious. It helped, of course, that most of their 'shenanigans', and by shenanigans she meant mindless drinking and sex, happened in the same place every night. There was always someone looking out, someone to laugh with them, someone who was so much worse off, proving that they didn't need to worry, they were just letting off some steam after a hard day.

When she woke up in the hospital it hadn't been funny, though.

It had been terrifying.

She had felt the pain before she had even been able to open her eyes and the inability had only scared her more. Her body ached from her head to her toes, her throat felt like she had swallowed glass and even once she had pried her eyes open, she hadn't been able to focus them for a while, the images and colors she saw were too vague to make sense.

She had no idea where she was or what had happened.

Then the blurry shapes had begun to solidify and her fright had only grown. Thin, rough puke-green blanket, hard sheet, white walls, a window looking out to the windows of other rooms; she was in a hospital. She was in a hospital _bed_. Why was she in a hospital bed? Panic had begun low in her chest, stirring like a coming thunderstorm.

Then she had noticed the figure next to her.

She had assumed the redhead asleep had been Hunny at first but then - it wasn't the right shade of red, was it? And whoever it was, they were squeezing her hand so hard that her fingertips had lost all feeling. She tried to move it and didn't succeed with a whole lot of movement within the iron grip. Then the head had popped up and Beca had been so startled that the rudeness had been knocked from her mouth without her permission.

She hadn't meant to be a dick.

She - she was scared and she knew that face would make it better, if she would just allow it.

But.

She hadn't seen Chloe look like this since the few days following the accidental exposure of Amy's lady bits to President Obama _and_ , who was apparently worse, Shonda Rhimes. When Beca had asked her why the hell she was more upset about Shonda than the president Chloe had just looked at her as though she were speaking Chinese and said, 'She made Grey's Anatomy, Beca.'

Chloe had then changed into her pajamas, cried for about ten hours and proceeded to eat ice cream for two days straight. No matter how much Amy apologized or tried to make her laugh, Chloe just stayed on the couch.

Here at her bedside, Chloe looked like hell.

Her hair had been three times larger than normal, flowing everywhere, framing her pale white face, which was so drawn that Beca could see the slightest hint of a blue vein just under her eye. That was what had really gotten to her, her eyes. Her eyes were far too large, open, frazzled and it was clear to see, wildly afraid. She had looked so terrified and so hopeful that it had taken Beca's fear and tripled it.

….and then Hunny...and now she was fairly sure she had lost her job - and any chance of ever owning a legitimate label in L.A.

Hunny was putting it on strong, though she couldn't exactly tell _why_. They weren't affectionate, not really, they didn't do cute or silly - so what the hell was with the floor show? I mean, she could see that it was killing Chloe. She had always been so bad at hiding disapproval and it was clear that Chloe thought Beca should be sleeping, not listening to Hunny go on and on about what their friends thought of Beca's accident.

If she were telling the truth, she _could_ easily do with a lot less of that, hearing how funny her friends thought her fuck up was, yeah, it wasn't really helping anyone. At all.

But no one, neither Beca nor Hunny, gave Chloe the slightest hint they were paying attention to her though. Hunny had clearly decided that Chloe was the enemy and Beca - she couldn't look at Chloe because when she looked at Chloe she remembered her face transfixed with fear and it ruined her; it absolutely ruined her.

She couldn't remember - that was the problem. She couldn't remember getting in the car. Her first thought when she had been told she was in an accident was 'how hurt was Hunny' because naturally if someone had decided to drive drunk it would have been Hunny, not her. _She_ was smarter than that. She was so much smarter than that and frankly, yes she had some abandonment issues, and some love life issues and...stuff...but she didn't want to fucking die.

Why had she done it?

And what was she going to do now?

Then again, if this day kept going the way it was then perhaps it would have been better. It was, god, it was just so uncomfortable.

Hunny wouldn't stop touching her, even though every touch hurt.

And it freaking did. Every casual graze hurt.

The nurse said it was simply the tension of the accident and it would pass in a day or two but right now, she just wanted to dope up so she could stop hurting and _sleep_. She had never felt so tired, so rundown. How did a car accident make her feel like she had actually been hit with a really bad flu? She felt like she was dying. It seemed Hunny had no answers for the things she really wanted to know, either. She couldn't seem to tell her about her car, or what was happening at the studio. She wanted to call but every time she decided to, her stomach would turn and she would grow too afraid to try.

She had fucked up.

Bad.

And all the while as Hunny squeezed onto the bed next to her, talking, talking, talking - and touching - Chloe sat a few feet away, arms crossed and lips tight in that oh so Chlo way - pretending not to glare - and Chloe pretending _not_ to glare was always so much more obvious than her giving in and glaring.

She had to stop herself from throwing her pillow at her so many times, just to get her lips to unpurse and her arms to unfold.

It was awkward.

Beca was almost relieved when Chloe abruptly stood, hands folding in front of her as she approached.

They hadn't exactly been talking...all day and Beca found that she actually had a hard time looking up to see what she wanted. She felt like a child, a stupid child who did something stupid and deserved a punishment that was just as stupid because the kid was just fucking stupid.

"Beca, I drove all night. I haven't checked into a hotel room or anything like that. Do you mind if I go back to your condo and take a shower?"

"There's a shower here." Hunny gave her a polite smile.

Beca's eyes rolled, "Err, yeah, totally. Um…" where were her keys? "Hunny, where are my keys?" Hunny just shrugged. She was just starting to look around when Chloe stepped to the table, opened a clear plastic bag and pulled her keys out. "Right. Uh, yeah. Feel free." She watched Chloe's small smug smile and sighed.

"Do you need anything while I'm out?"

Can you rewind time? "No. Thanks." Actually, speaking of needing something, maybe she could see if she could get Hunny to jail break her long enough for a cigarette.

Chloe gave her a small nod and gathering her purse, stepped purposefully from the room.

Beca watched her go until she was gone and then turned back to Hunny, giving her a tight smile.

The room felt empty.

"I don't like her."

"What, why?" Had she said that as loudly as she thought she had?

"She's judging us."

"No, no she's not, Hun. She's just very - protective. And she's not wrong. I kinda totaled my car when I was drunk."

Hunny's face sobered, "I know. Shit, it's my fault Beca, I'm sorry. I was the one pushing the drinks. I was the one who wanted the shot contest. I was the one that didn't want to wait for an Uber. I should have known you weren't okay to drive."

Beca had seen this side of Hunny before, the woman under the parties and the reality TV; that insecure girl named Megan who had been raised in mid California.

"No, it's not really your fault. I'm an adult - according to some - and I shouldn't have done it."

Hunny leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek, "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Thanks, Hun." You know, if Hunny would just show Chloe this side of herself then maybe they would get along. Chloe had always been a sucker for anyone who also had an affection for Beca. 'Because clearly they have great taste' Chloe used to say with a grin and a wink.

She and Hunny smiled at one another for a second before Beca let out an uncomfortable huff, "I need a cigarette."

"Yes!" Hunny smirked, giving her a hard lip smack on the cheek that hurt, "Prison break!" And Megan was gone again.

Turned out a prison break wasn't really necessary. It was more like get into the wheelchair with _a lot_ of help, try not to be humiliated by her awkward hospital gown and then be wheeled out by Hunny, who thought giving her a heart attack by pretending to run things over constantly was funny.

Still, the cigarette was the best part of her day.

"Have you talked to Emily?" Beca asked, giving Hunny a side glance. She saw Hunny shift and knew she didn't want to answer.

"A little bit."

"She's doing that well, huh?"

"Errm, well, she was supposed to ride with you, Bex."

"What?" Her head whipped around, her stomach going sour. How had no one told her this?

"Yeah. Benji wouldn't let her."

"So she thinks it's her fault." It wasn't a question.

Hunny just shrugged.

"Will you do me a favor please? Will you call her and tell her to get her little butt down here to see me please?"

She just gave her a wordless nod.

The excursion to go out and smoke was exhausting and when they finally returned to the room Beca decided to let Hunny manage on her own and called the nurse to knock her out.

When she woke up she was confused because the sun was still up but in the wrong place in the sky and the woman next to her was her redhead - _the other_ redhead - again.

"Time - what time?"

"It's around six." Chloe gave her a smile and rose, brushing a strand of hair off of her face. Beca pulled away, casting her a sideways glare and pulling the stiff blanket up to hide herself.

"Wait, in the morning?"

"Yeah, you slept all night."

Beca stared at her through the small loophole she had left for her eyes and nose, trying to get her mushy medicine rattled brain to work.

Red.

God, she looked amazing in red. She should be forced to wear red like, all of the time. Nothing but re-gaaa, Beca! What is wrong with you?

She scooted a little lower in her blanket fort and tried not to think, watching as Chloe pulled her phone from her pocket, checked it and then silenced it.

That was how the day went.

Hunny was gone, off for who knew how long exactly to shoot the next season of her TV show.

So it was just she, Chloe and her blanket fort - in a room.

She couldn't decide if Chloe was this quiet in order to give her space or if she was quiet because she was upset. Either way though, Beca noticed her chair scooting a little closer to the bed every hour, she said very little, simply watching her and watching the TV, but her chair was moving.

"Oh, leave it there! Let's see." It was the first thing that Chloe had said in hours other than, 'I'm going down to the cafeteria' and 'no, I will not help you go out and smoke'.

Beca frowned as the familiar opening credits rolled. She had spent about a week obsessed with watching Hunny's show when they had first started seeing one another. It had been fun seeing the face she had just been kissing on her TV screen.

The fascination hadn't lasted long.

"This is - err- last season," she tried but Chloe just smirked at her, silencing her yet again ringing phone.

"I've never seen it."

"Oh. It's uh,"

"What? You don't like it?"

"Um-" Beca looked for another word, saying she didn't like it seemed so mean, "well,"

"Oh my god, you don't! Don't let Hunny hear that."

"I mean, you haven't seen it yet so don't judge me."

There. This was easy. Light banter. That was it. She could do this.

Chloe scooted the chair the final foot of space so she could lean against the side of the bed.

Nope. She couldn't do this.

She just didn't get why she was here.

Why had Emily called her? Of all people, why Chloe? Literally _anyone_ else would have been better.

Except - ugh, she sucked so hard because she really didn't want it to be anyone else.

"So." Beca's eyebrow popped as Chloe reached over and started playing idly with her fingers, "Are you still so mad at me that you won't tell me about the sister studio?"

Wha- the fu- gaaaaah, that wasn't fair. That was cheating. Those direct questions, the kind that just strip away any of the bullshit, they weren't fair. "I wasn't - I'm not - uugh, do you just say stuff like that to get a rise out of me?"

Chloe grinned, her nose scrunching as she admitted, "Sometimes. But not this time. I want to know. Oh god, _Bec_ , are you okay?"

"What? Why?" Her hand automatically shot up to her face, touching the painful spots and feeling for blood but Chloe's eyes were on the heart rate monitor, yeah, it wasn't surprising that it was that high. She did know that she was sitting and playing with her fingers, right? Like, no big deal, just full on cardiac arrest. What do you expect, you freaking temptress?

She took a deep breath and tried to stop feeling her hand. She didn't want to pull away, so instead she just trudged on, telling her about P.J.'s recent offer. "I don't know a lot but it's this studio that's been closed up. It's still under his master label, but it would be a different studio so everything that came out of it would still be a 'Paul John Production's' album but that would be in tiny, tiny letters and instead of saying 'Moment One Recordings' it would say – I dunno – whatever we called it."

"So it will be yours?"

"Kinda. It will still be an _affiliate_ of 'Moment One' so I don't know how involved P.J. will be, but I think that is what he wants. I don't know how it will go, I really want to do things differently that from how he does them but we'll see."

Oh my god, make it stop! She loved the contact far too much.

For the twentieth time Chloe's cell phone rang, filling the room with the song Beca could have sworn she loved _before_ today. Once again, Chloe just checked who the caller was and then silenced it, slipping it back into the tight back pocket of her jeans.

"Will you be able to pick your own clientele?"

This line of questioning worked for a while and Beca was almost feeling okay with this when they fell silent. It was _clear_ that there was something going on with Chloe, something on her mind but she had no idea what. Asking would be the right thing to do but she didn't think that she could handle hearing that she was upset with her right now. Beca was upset with herself enough as it was. So she just went on as she had been all afternoon, watching the TV and waiting to see what would happen next.

"I can't believe you still wear black."

She glanced over. Chloe still had her fingers, sometimes playing, sometimes just holding. Right now she was smiling a secret smile as she fiddled with one of her fingernails and then the other absentmindedly.

"It suits me," she grumbled, "it's the same color as my soul."

Chloe scoffed back, her eyes sarcastically rolling as she laughed, "Oooooh yeah, totes."

Beca glanced back at her, uncertain, trying to come up with something to say to distance herself, trying to come up with something she could do that would politely rebuke the woman; only she couldn't. She could literally think of absolutely nothing. So she just let out a small, slightly awkward laugh.

It didn't matter. It was clearly good enough for Chloe.

She got a grin back, her smile turning into that megawatt that Beca used to know so well.

The song went off again and Beca's head dropped to the pillow, "Okay, I don't want to be rude but, you gonna answer that?"

" _No_. I hadn't realized - I'll put it on silent."

Beca's eyebrows shot skyward. As a whole Beca would call Chloe soft spoken, not necessarily because she didn't use a lot of volume - because that was not always true - but more because she tried so hard to never be too sharp or clipped - so the fact that _Chloe_ just snapped at her - that - she couldn't really ignore that.

It was also clear that Chloe knew that she gave herself away. Her eyes rolled skyward the moment that she spoke and she began talking before Beca could even call her on it, "It's just Nick."

"Uh-huh, and do we not like Nick today or…I mean, I know that my hospital gown makes me nearly irresistible and everything but I'll be okay for a few minutes alone if you need to talk."

Chloe was already shaking her head, staring resolutely in the opposite direction, her eyebrows tight.

"Chlooo…?"

Silence.

"Okay Chlo, what's wrong? I'm not buying it. I haven't been buying it all day. Why don't you just te-"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Okay, was there a cupboard she can go and hide in or something? This fucking question was out to get her. She opened her mouth but all that came out were strange noises, because - god damn it! She needed to come up with a better comeback for this question than gaping and impersonating a goldfish. Finally, after an eternity, she let out an uncomfortable laugh, "Where did that come from?"

Wait.

FUCK.

Chloe was crying.

Why the fuck was Chloe crying?

How had they just gone from 'totes' to _crying_?

Shit!

She had always been so bad at this. Did she hug her? Did she ignore it? Was there some type of ointment for this type of thing? What did she do?

"Whoa, Chloe, what the hell?" She pulled her legs up, sitting high against the pillows.

"Why, Bec?"

Ugh, why was she attached to so many things? There was no quick escape right now. The best she could do was press the call button and have a nurse come and take her out for a smoke. That was the very best.

She was trapped between a truth and a lie, which was so much worse than a rock and a hard place. She spoke fast, ripping the Band-Aid off because she literally had no other choice. "You know why. Why does this keep coming up? It was like a million years ago."

"Tell me." Those lighthouse eyes were on her, she could feel it, she could feel their inexplicable tears and she wanted so much to fix it.

"I don't know, it was your wedding day. Blame the dress, blame the booze and all the white."

"No. When I was here, Bec."

Oh god, her voice, her shaky little voice it hurt - it hurt so - "What?"

"After the reunion. Before I left."

Crickets could be heard in Beca's brain.

"Is that - is that why you didn't call me? Even once?"

The crickets continued their melody. What was she _talking_ about?

Oh shit, had she done something?

Fuck, Beca, why do you always fuck up? What had she done? "What? I _kissed_ you?"

"Nick's having a baby with someone else."

"What?"

"And I think it was _me_ who kissed _you_."

"WHAT?" She hadn't meant to shout but apparently she had because a nurse came running. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I'll - I'll shut up. Sorry." She waved her away, embarrassed and confused, so much - so much confused. She was dizzy. A lot of things were happening in this conversation and she wasn't following any of them. "Wait, wait, start over. I don't -" Had Chloe kissed her? God, if there was ever a reason to never be drunk again it was because she had been kissed - by Chloe - and she didn't remember it. _Why_ would Chloe kiss her? Had she been drunk? Had she - she needed so many answers, "I don't understand. One thing at a time." She struggled with herself for a _long_ minute debating which thing to ask about first. She wanted - the kiss - what - kiss - happened - there? But watching Chloe's wet face she finally decided that being a good friend needed to happen first...as painful as that was. "Okay. Nick is having a baby with someone else? _Who? Why?_ "

Chloe looked up, her eyes bloodshot and red and it took everything Beca had not to pull her onto the bed with her so she could cuddle her.

Chloe let out a little sob and then she was talking. She told her about Nick's office girl, Jenny, about his overbearing mother, about their struggle to get pregnant, about the picket fences and the fact that she didn't know who she was anymore. She talked so long that the sun was setting by the time she hiccupped to a close and all the while Beca just listened; just like she used to, with no drama, no reserve, nothing; just trying to be there.

"I guess, he was trying to tell me about Jenny when I got the phone call about you. We were fighting and I, I don't know, I didn't realize. I left but he called me on the road and told me. She's pregnant with his baby. I know he wants a baby so badly...or...I know his mother wants him to have a baby so badly, I don't always know which is true. Either way, I guess he has one coming now."

Beca was livid, like needed to fucking hit something livid- preferably his stupid face. She never liked him and now she knew why. That _fucker_! That douchebag! Who was that stupid? Who was so stupid to be married to _Chloe_ and fucking cheat on her? That was like - that was some Aesop's Fables 'Dog and its Reflection' shit. He clearly had used too much hair product in his life or something. "Chloe, I'm…I'm sorry I pulled you away from that. And I'm sorry that it's happening. I mean, _fuck_!"

"No, Bec-"

"Fuck that asshole. Seriously. I'll take his fucking dick off."

"Beca."

"I mean it, I stood next to him while he promised to be faithful to you. Fertility issues or not. Fucking in sickness and in health. I mean, are they going to keep it I mean - eerr- what the fuck is he going to do?"

Chloe just shrugged.

Beca frowned. Was this shock? Was it shock that she was seeing? "You don't seem too upset about it."

"I'm – not. I mean, I'm upset but I'm not… _upset_."

"Okay, what aren't you telling me here? I mean, I would be a little pissed if my husband was fucking some twenty-two year old-"

"It's because I'm kind of gay."

"secretary. I mean how big of a stereotype ca – wait, _what_?"


	11. Chapter 11

The hospital released Beca back out and into the wild two days later.

She had a helpful nurse pull her into the clothes that Chloe had brought from her condo while Chloe herself went downstairs to gather the release forms.

She had to say, she was really freaking glad to be going home. She didn't have a hospital phobia or anything like that, no bad memories of watching Granny die, but they weren't exactly fun places to be either and the food was, well, why would you give something that bad to sick and injured people? Not all clichés needed to be true! Maybe Chloe would be willing to stop on the way back to the condo for a cheeseburger. A little bit of grease sounded _amazing_.

She laughed a little into her empty room because she already knew that wouldn't be true. Beca had been in a car accident; Chloe was going to force healthy things. Well. She wasn't going to eat kale. No matter how much Chloe tried. She drew the freaking line at kale.

"What's so funny?" Chloe's bright face came around the corner, a folder in her hand.

"What? Nothing, I was just thinking - nothing. Uuuuh, gimmie."

She spent a moment signing her name repeatedly before handing them back to the person who wasn't required by hospital policy to be wheeled everywhere they went.

"Are you hungry?"

"Oh my god, yeees." Beca groaned.

"Can I make you something?"

Beca's face fell, "There's no chance you mean a burger and a giant glass of Jack, is there?"

Chloe just beamed, "Not even a little bit. I'm serious Bec, you gotta get out of this lifestyle and that starts with eating better. You had like no food when I was here last time. I had to go shopping."

"Lifestyle? You say that like I'm a freaking…religion…or a sexuality…"

Chloe just grinned, tossing a flirty little wink over her shoulder as she left to turn in the paperwork.

Beca groaned, shaking her head. Death of her, that woman was going to be the death of her.

There was something different about Chloe for the last few days, something open - free, maybe?

She had felt the difference in her best friend when she had been out here before. It was true her Chloe-ese was a little weak right now after a two-year absence but she had seen it. The current Chloe had felt older, a bit beaten down in comparison to the girl she had known, but was it just Beca or were her curls bouncing higher now, her smile wider - all of that jazz?

Maybe it was her revelation from a few nights before.

That'll - yeah, that would probably do it.

Beca had to gingerly lay back on the bed the moment the thought crossed her mind, her hands in her hair and breathing like a woman in labor, fighting her suddenly topsy-turvy stomach. She still couldn't fucking believe it. Maybe it was the pain meds; maybe it wasn't real at all because _that_ would make so much more sense than Chloe saying she was a lesbian. Things like that didn't happen, that was like winning the lottery or being struck by lightning.

But god, if it _were_ true….what the hell would that mean...what the hell _did_ that mean? What did that mean...for her?

She felt...kind of stuck now knowing that Chloe was gay. Did this mean she could have a shot with her? Could she make a move? Only, she was the best friend so no, right? But...all of her dreams could come true...but no? Yes? No…? Honestly...the thought was a little terrifying...being with Chloe would be a really big deal. A really big fucking awesome deal.

Was it kind of high school to think of it that way? Yeah, it totally was and she needed to stop it. Chloe was still a married woman, still Mrs. Nicholas Cavanaugh and above _all_ else, Beca was her best friend. Automatic friend zone, right? Cuz um...right? Her hands pressed against her sore temples as she let out a groaning, "Oh my god."

Yes. Friendzone yes.

Changed nothing.

Though - she blew out a puff of air - the thought of Chloe with another woman - okay, she might die. Yup, she might fucking die. Already she had to deal with the fact that her first kiss hadn't been...but no, the world wasn't that kind. She couldn't even - no - but there was a chance, right? There was a chance that one day Chlo would - date. No, there was more than a chance, it was freaking probable. She couldn't stay married, not now. But…Fuuuuuck! She couldn't believe this.

_A Few Nights Before_

"Okay, what aren't you telling me here? I mean, I would be a little pissed if my husband was fucking some twenty-two year old-"

"It's because I'm kind of gay."

"secretary. I mean how big of a stereotype ca – wait, _what_?"

With a little yip, Chloe's hands flew to cover her mouth like she had just said something dirty, or had another moment of accidentally making that bass noise; the one that had kept slipping out until she learned to control it. "Oh my god, that's the first time I've said that out loud." Chloe's face was still wet with tears but suddenly Beca could see exhilaration there too, "That was terrifying and kind of exciting!"

Beca wasn't - she didn't - _what_? Words, she was hearing words but the words were not making sense, "Hold on. Back the hell up for a second there, lady. What the hell do you mean you're kind of _gay_? That doesn't even - _I'm_ the secretly gay one. I was secretly gay for years. You don't get to just walk in here and take my title. What do you mean you're gay? Chloe Beale isn't gay - that used to be one of my main problems in life." She was rambling. Crap, she was rambling.

"I don't know for sure, I guess. I've just been kind of wondering for a while now. No, _not_ wondering. I know - for sure - but...you know that moment when you have a word on the tip of your tongue and it finally, finally pops out of your mouth?"

"Elaborate." Beca could think of a few ways to help Chloe be 'sure'. Fuck! No, Beca, no! Stop it! Crap! Her hand went to her forehead, bracing against it.

"I met this woman...last year…and…some things happened."

"Some things?" That little smile on Chloe's face was fucking enchanting. "As in - some things or _some thangs_?"

"No, not _that_ ," Chloe giggled, making Beca's mouth fall open, "I've never - just some kissing and some…boobs."

"Some _boobs_?" Beca couldn't believe what she was hearing, nor could she believe the embarrassed smile spreading across Chloe's face.

"Boobs are awesome."

For the first time since - she didn't know how long - Beca couldn't stop her laughter, "Boobs _are_ awesome. Oh my god, wha – this is so weird! Twilight zone." They stared at one another for a moment, things clicking in and out of place before Beca finally prompted, "So her boobs were awesome and…"

Chloe started to blush and hide her face, making Beca shout and smack at her with her pillow, yelling 'for the love of god, you can't stop the story there!'

Laughing, Chloe flopped down onto her back at the foot of Beca's bed, "And, I dunno, I – I felt things – things that I hadn't felt before. Like ever."

"Like?" Was it fair that Beca was getting a little turned on? Fuck, she had been doing such a good job keeping Chloe at bay, toughen up, Bec! Maybe if Chloe would stop rubbing her stomach like that as she thought, that little habit used to drive her _insane_ and apparently it still did. Wait. When did she get onto her bed?

"Like - I don't know - like things!" Chloe was back to blushing behind her hands.

"So…you think gay…not something a little more…I dunno, inclusive?"

"Like ever before, Bec. Not with Tom, not with Nick, not with anyone I've ever dated. I thought I knew what it felt like to be" she let out a long, shuttering breath, " _turned on_ – but I didn't, not at all."

Aaahgh god. Chloe was - feeling things and - and she needed a moment.

"So then why are you still _with_ Nick?"

"That question has many answers."

"Okay," she said, waiting.

Chloe's face grew serious, "Because you don't leave someone unless you know you absolutely have to, Bec."

Beca went quiet, processing the double meaning, the promise and the condemnation there. "Fuck! So I could have had you like ten fucking years ago?!" It was a joke, she knew it wasn't true and she didn't mean it - she just didn't know what else to say. And then Chloe answered and she needed a shower...a shower...and to become a nun … and a cigarette...and possibly …. so many other things.

Chloe bit her lip, grinning up at her with those sparkling eyes, "You wish! You couldn't handle all of this, Beca Mitchell."

Beca stared at her, unblinking, feeling one long, insistent pull in her lower belly as she pictured... She could feel her blush start at her throat, slowly rising up her neck, over her cheeks and into her hairline before Beca huffed, forcing air into her unwilling lungs, "God you've always said shit like that but it's so _totally_ different now!"

Chloe just winked so Beca groaned and buried her face in her pillow.

 

* * *

 

 

"Okay, we're good to go." Chloe called, appearing in the doorway of her hospital room, "You ready?"

"So much yes!" She already had a cigarette in her hand to prove it.

The ride to her condo was a fairly quiet one, Chloe humming as she drove. Something changed when Chloe dropped the 'G' word, something that Beca couldn't put her finger on. It was like it had broken the corner off of her offish guard or something. Maybe it was just that she could feel that Chloe wasn't planning on leaving yet. She didn't know how long Chloe would be staying but she knew that the woman wasn't planning on getting into her car and driving off that evening.

Maybe this - maybe this was Beca's chance. She had driven herself nuts after Chloe left last time, agonizing over the fact that she hadn't taken advantage of the time with Chlo before she left. She had been a moody bitch for a solid two weeks, even Hunny had stopped coming over.

Maybe she just needed to take the next few days, hang out, heal, enjoy it, and then they both could go back to their lives, hopefully with less of a sour taste in their mouths.

She wondered what Chloe's life would look like now. What kind of women would she date? Who would she settle down with? What would she be like? God, Chloe as a lesbian...all of the gay universe should be celebrating this one.

"Aaaaah, crazyville!" Beca suddenly cried, letting the car know exactly where her thoughts had been, "So what was it like kissing a girl for the first time instead of a guy?" Beca asked, grinning around her bitten lip. She still remembered that, being shocked by the difference.

"Well, it wasn't my first time, Bec, you know that. I did kiss Aubrey once - and Stacie and I made out pretty - intensely."

Beca's head hit the passenger window with a thump, making Chloe laugh. Yeah, she was well aware of how many not-Beca-Bellas Chloe had kissed, "Okay, but like, really."

"Better," her voice coy and teasing.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

"What did she look like? Where was it?"

"At the 2015 Bellas reunion. I-"

"Are you fucking serious, Chlo! You got to second base with a Bella?" Whyyyyyy - she was a Bella - she was a….not guy….why not her? Whyyyyy?! She could hear she was whining in her head but she didn't even care because whyyyyyyy was fate so cruel? She would give her left tit to kiss Chloe – just once. And not in the way that Chloe used to give her those sloppy goodbye kisses but a real one – with tongues and – fucck. "Do I know her?"

"Probably."

"Chloe!"

Chloe threw her a far too adorable for life little guilty face, "She's married."

"So?"

Chloe burst into laughter.

"Was she one of our Bellas?" Beca tried. She had been questioning her the entire ride home but she was getting nowhere. "Dude! You have to at least tell me if she was one of our Bellas!"

"Except for Amy, none of our Bellas are married." She said in a placating voice. Beca stared so Chloe laughed, "No, it wasn't Amy."

"Then who? Come on, you have to tell me!"

Chloe's nose just went up in the air, "Nope. But it was awesome."

"Gaaah, god damn it." She dragged her feet, following Chloe to the kitchen. "So where are we on that burger and a glass of whiskey? I know a place we can order from if we - oh, come on!" Beca cried, enjoying the amusement her moaning was pulling from Chloe, "I just got out of the hospital!"

"Exactly! So how about a sandwich and a glass of water? Not the best dinner exactly but you have no food."

Beca huffed and Chloe beamed an 'I win' smile.

"Why don't you go upstairs and change into something comfy? I'll make us something to eat."

"You're really not going to tell me which Bellas boobs you touched?"

"Nope."

"Fine, miss I've-been-secretly-gay-for-like-thirty-years," Beca grumbled as she started up the stairs. This was going to take some getting used to. "Queen of the closet!" she cried over her shoulder, listening and loving the tinkle of laughter that came from her kitchen.

The stairs hurt. Her body still hurt. Actually, there was a good chance that her body hurt more today than it had yesterday which was super fun; especially knowing that she did officially still have some of the hospital's painkillers in her so it was only going to get worse.

Sweats did sound nice, though.

She pulled her hair up into a messy bun and groaned, pulling her shirt over her head. The spasm of pain through her side and back was so bad that she sat with a thump on her bed, panting, eyes tearing. "Fuck, oh fuck ow! Fuck!"

The strained muscle, right. What had she been thinking? She couldn't raise her arms higher than her shoulders. Okay, she would just live in this shirt from now on or something. She pulled the opposite direction but "Of course!" It was stuck. What the hell was it stuck on? She pulled again and her side gave a sharp scream making her moan.

Fuck. She was really stuck. Oh god, ow. It was starting to really hurt. Fuck.

She gave another yank and cried out, spots blurring her vision.

Crap. Crap now what?

"Chlo?" she tried, her cheeks flushing. "Chloe!"

There was the sound of feet flying up the stairs two at a time, "What's wrong? What ha-" Chloe started to laugh.

"It's not funny!"

Silence and then, "Maybe a little funny."

"Help me!"

She felt warm hands touch her extended arms, pulling her back to her feet, making her moan again.

"Oh! I'm sorry."

Beca waited for a second, but nothing happened.

"You have so many new tattoos since I've seen you like this."

Really? Right now?

"Chloooooeeeee!" But the cry cut off into a sharp gasp as she felt gentle fingers trace along her rib, just under the cup of her bra. She froze, her heart instantly hammering in her temples. She knew what Chloe was seeing, the words under her fingertips, 'ghost town and haunted love, fire away, fire away, ricochet', she knew exactly how Chloe was going to take it - and she wouldn't be wrong either.

The fingers moved, trailing the length of the tattoo again. "Ghost town and haunted love?"

Chloe's touch was making her mouth go dry. She could feel her stomach muscles dancing, twitching and jumping and she was not convinced that Chloe couldn't see that. See, this was why she needed to stay away from Chloe. Far away.

Oh god. What was wrong with her? This wasn't that big of a deal. Stop Beca, just stop feeling that - everywhere.

Her whole body gave a spasm as a nail traced the words, " _Haunted love_?" Chloe's voice was soft but in it Beca could hear hills and valleys of meaning, her own private haunting.

She cleared her throat, "Yeah…Titanium. That's, uh, your uh, 'lady jam', right? Seriously, you wanna give me a hand?"

She felt Chloe's hand leave her skin and both celebrated and mourned the loss.

It only took Chloe a second to free the shirt so Beca could pull it off.

By the time she did, Chloe was already gone.

Beca just stared at the vacant spot in front of her, "Yikes."

 

****

 

That had always been one of her favorite lines, the line she could never resist singing along with even if she had been silent the whole song - that was probably why Beca had noticed the small line in the first place; most didn't.

Haunted love?

Was she responsible for that?

Everyone had that one love, the one that changed them forever and not for the better; the one that built a wall around their heart, breaking them and gluing them together all at once; the one that bled into all future relationships, influencing your movements and your reactions whether you wanted them to or not.

Had she inadvertently been that for Beca?

 _Haunted love_.

It sent chills down her spine.

She was in the kitchen just finishing up their simple dinner when Beca came down the stairs. She could see Beca's hesitation, her want to run, her worry that perhaps Chloe wasn't okay, her silent acknowledgment that though they would not be discussing it, they both knew what the tattoo meant, they both understood the placement, so close to her heart.

It was strange to think that Beca probably intended for her to never see the tattoo, never see her scantily clad like that again because their friendship had been, for all intents in Beca's mind, over.

Chloe wasn't.

She wasn't okay.

It killed her to know that she had hurt Beca, even if it hadn't been her fault - exactly, even if she had never meant to.

But there was no way she would show Beca that.

"Hey!" She gave her a wide grin, "I'm starved."

She watched Beca's face, feeling her read her with the strength of all of their years of friendship. She had always had a hard time lying to Beca; she wasn't great at hiding her emotions so she went on the defensive. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

Beca scoffed, stepping forward, "It's almost like I smashed my car into a center divider."

Chloe frowned, handing her a plate, "That's not funny."

Beca gave her a small smirk and Chloe knew she was in the clear.

"I think," Chloe said, heading to the living room where she had made Beca a nest of blankets, "that you should sit down."

"Oh god, yes please." Beca crawled in despite the summer warmth.

Biting her lip to keep her face empty, Chloe handed her the plate and started in on her own. "So. You just got out of the hospital for a drunk driving accident and the first thing you want to do is drink. Should I be worried about you, Beca?"

Beca scoffed, "Noooo, I didn't mean it like that. I just – having a drink would be relaxing. I find it relaxing."

"So what I should be worrying about is your relaxation habits?"

"Err."

"Do you have Netflix?"

"Hmmmdfmoieahaaahnn." Beca said around a mouthful of hastily taken sandwich, "Whaaf?"

Cute. She had never understood how someone she _knew_ was so totally sexy - could also be so cute. Adorable even. What was the term? Adorkable. That had always seemed so fitting for Beca, though she wasn't sure the woman herself would agree.

Beca cleared her throat, taking a large swallow, "I said I have it but I don't watch it very often. Why?"

"Relaxation."

"Oh." Beca's plate suddenly became very interesting, "I was uh, I was thinking that uh, I kinda need to go soon. I should probably erm, track down P.J. and check in with my clients."

Chloe nodded, giving her a smile, "At The Royal?"

"I think I'll start at work but I'll probably end up there, yeah." Beca heaved a great sigh.

Chloe might not be very good at hiding her emotions from Beca but she had become very good at controlling her face, thanks to Marcy. She was suddenly thankful for all the little insults, all the digs, and comments because she didn't think that in that moment she would have been able to stop her face from showing her thoughts. Why did that idea scare her so much? She didn't understand it but it did, grabbing her heart and wrapping it in a vise. It wasn't logical, but she suddenly wanted to grab Beca, wrap her in a warm blanket and tuck her away, somewhere safe, somewhere far away from the drinking and the running. "You weren't kidding when you said that you go every night, were you?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Beca shot her a side glance, "P.J.'s nephew owns it or something and I don't know, it just works."

"And all of the clients like that?"

There was a small silence followed by an uncomfortable laugh and a quick, "Who doesn't like a good party? I had like ten calls from Dave yesterday and I haven't heard _anything_ from EZ which is probably bad. I, uh, I haven't checked in yet, but I should go soonish."

Well. They would see about that. "Alright. Will you show me how to work the TV anyway?" she asked with a small beseeching smile.

"Uh sure." In her surprise at Chloe's lack of resistance, Beca took a huge bite of the sandwich, nearly choking as she grabbed the remotes. "Wofneeeen doapaanlo maerraowna."

"Right," Chloe laughed, not understanding at all, "I'll keep that in mind."

Beca rolled her eyes.

Once the screen was up Chloe typed in the title she was looking for and, cuddling into the back of the couch, pressed play.

She just let Beca do her own thing, checking her phone, reading through emails as Chloe watched, nibbling at her sandwich. She knew there was a chance that any moment Beca would get up, change and leave and the thought sent her stomach bubbling. She wasn't sure why; Beca didn't even have a car right now. It couldn't happen again. She was just being silly.

It took a few minutes, but eventually she felt Beca move, looking up at the screen in amusement.

Chloe took another bite, pointedly ignoring her.

Beca's phone chimed, calling her attention away again but soon it was back up, "Dude, what is this?"

"Oh, just a show about another adorable redhead."

Beca laughed, eyes back on her phone, "Adorable, huh?"

"That's right. It's a ginger thing." Beca let out an amused snort. "I wish I could pull off that shade of yellow, look at how cute that sweater is!"

"You look great in yellow, Chlo."

She had said it so quickly, so lost in her phone that Chloe could tell to Beca it was simply a truth. Her chest gave a light little fluttering as she turned back to the TV to hide her blush. She was still thinking about that when Beca started to laugh.

"Oh my god, this is hilarious! Dude can sing!"

"I know, right?"

She couldn't help but to feel a little smug as Beca reached for her water and absentmindedly deposited her phone on the table beside her plate, chuckling at an on-screen joke.

Two thirty-minute episodes later and Beca looked like Christmas had come early, holding her sore side as she laughed.

Chloe was sure she was floating somewhere between earth and cloud nine. This was what Beca needed, a whole lot more laughter. Laughter heals the soul as well as the body. Chloe…she wanted to make Beca laugh. She wanted to help Beca laugh.

"How do they come up with this? This show is so weird but so funny. How have I never heard of this?"

"I'm not sure! Everyone in Henderson loves it."

"Well - that's because it's Henderson, what else is there to do?"

"Hey!"

Beca laughed as Chloe threw her an overly dramatic glare, pursing her lips and fluffing her hair. It was nice to tease like this - normal - almost like old times.

Her phone chimed again and Beca checked it with a sigh, "Okay, EZ _is_ gonna be there tonight, of course he is, what was I thinking? You uh, you wanna come?"

"Sure." Chloe laid back on the couch, her head turning to face Beca so she could give her the best puppy dog eyes she could muster, "Can we watch one more episode though?"

"Yeah!"

Chloe clicked it on.

When the episode was done Beca sighed, moving to get up before letting out a small sound of pain and cupping her side, "You know what, it's still early. Let's watch one more."

"Okay," was all Chloe said.

When the episode was over she let it auto play to the next, noticing Beca had wrapped the blanket around herself.

Halfway through the episode Chloe turned to make a joke to see that Beca, head resting against the side of the sectional and blanket tucked around her face, was sleeping peacefully.

Her words caught and warmth flooded her chest as she watched the woman take a deep breath and sleep on.

Biting her lip, she reached over and lightly pushed the blanket away from her face. Beca's nose twitched but she slept on. Chloe hesitated and then carefully let her finger run down her cheek. She really was beautiful. She was _so_ lucky to be here, sitting beside her again. She had almost lost this.

Taking one of the blankets from the floor she cuddled in, laying her head just beside Beca's thigh.

Maybe it was only one night, maybe it didn't count for much.

But Beca was here, beside her, sleeping safely.

Chloe sighed, content, her fingers tracing the spot over her heart.

 

* * *

 

 

Her first thought as she rose to consciousness was that the dinner timer was going off and she had fallen asleep in the rocking chair in the nursery again.

She groaned as the buzz went off for the second time, forcing open her eyes, only to let out the sound again. That's right, she was in Beca's living room.

Ow.

She sat up, brushing her hair back from her face and feeling her back pop. Was she too young to say that she was getting too old for these types of sleeping positions? Goodness, she needed a good night sleep in a _bed_ soon. She didn't know how long she was staying, if she was staying; honestly she was avoiding those thoughts right now, but perhaps she could move up to one of the guest rooms that night.

The buzzer went off again and this time it was Beca, sprawled out on the couch where she had fallen asleep the night before, who jumped.

"What?" she croaked into the morning air, as though someone had called her name. She let out a startled cry followed immediately by a yelp as her hands went to cover her eyes - only to drop again with an 'oh'.

Chloe watched, curious, "No hangover?"

"No..." Beca said confused, "The hell?"

"We fell asleep, I guess. How do you feel? Do you need some Ibuprofen?"

"Oh god, yes, please. Sore. Oh _shit_!" Beca groaned, reaching for her phone but before she could grab it the doorbell went off again, "Ooooh shit-fuck-shit!" She jumped up as best she could, which was really more like a hobble and sped to the door.

Chloe stood, gathering blankets, her mind occupied. She hadn't checked her phone all day yesterday, knowing anyone calling was not someone she wanted to speak to. She wondered how many missed calls she had. She was just going to check when she heard Beca cry, "P.J.! Hi! Uh, how are you?"

"How _am_ I?" The round man pushed in past her, heading inside.

"Errrr, P.J. this is my friend Chloe. Chloe, this is Paul John of – err – 'Paul John'."

"Nice to meet you, sir." She shook his hand, "Can I get you a cup of coffee?" She flashed a bright smile and the obviously angry man seemed to stumble, slightly disarmed.

"Um. Sure. Thank you."

He opened his mouth to begin yelling again and Chloe cut him off, "Cream or sugar?"

"Uh, black please, little darlin'."

With a nod and a glance for her best friend, she headed to the kitchen. She knew this visit was what Beca had been dreading. She had jumped every time someone had entered her hospital room and Chloe was sure it was because she had been waiting for P.J. and his reprimand.

"Amanda walked."

Chloe twitched. Oh noooooo. Amanda, that had been the blonde, right? _Oh noooo_! This was bad!

" _What_?" Beca's voice shrieked.

"That's right, she walked!"

"After everything I - ugggh, my god, you're fucking kidding me! I can't even - I-"

"She said that 'Starlight' could do ' _more_ ' for her. What does that mean to you, Bex? Huh?"

"Okay, P.J., I ran my _ass_ off! I did."

"Really? Because it looks to me like you got a little too drunk and wrecked your car which took you _and_ 'Moment One' _out_ of the negotiations!"

Chloe winced, she knew she shouldn't be listening but she wasn't sure she could have avoided it, even if she wanted to.

"I know. I made a mistake, a huge fucking mistake. It - it won't happen again, I'm sorry."

"Damn right it won't happen again! I spent six hours on the phone for you yesterday. Six hours! I shouldn't be spending six hours doing _anything_ for you! You're not a client!"

"You didn't have to do that, P.J."

"Yes I did! You know _why_ I did? Because my senior assistant crashed her car because she was drunker than Lindsey Lohan!"

The chewing out was long and brutal and while Chloe stayed away, giving them space, she wished she could help. Then again, maybe this was a good thing.

Was there someone who could do this for Hunny?

Finally she knew the coffee was going to get cold so she poured three cups and slipped into the living room.

"Here you go, P.J. - Bec." She handed Beca her coffee with just a splash of cream.

"Thank you, sweetheart," P.J. nodded, still glaring at Beca. Chloe frowned, that was what Marcy called her.

She gathered her own cup and took a seat on the far side of the living room with her phone. She did indeed have a number of missed calls, seven from Nick and two from Marcy. Had he told his mother? Why was Marcy calling? She rarely called her; she usually chose instead to simply show up unannounced.

P.J. picked up speed again, making Chloe cringe and glance to Beca as he shouted, "What the hell were you thinking, Bex? I hired House Bex because of her reputation, because Kendra loved your song so much, because you were doing that singing thing _internationally_. I promoted 'House fucking Bex' because of her ability to balance work and the party."

The poor woman's face had gone white as she stared up at P.J. taking the chewing out as it was given, and boy was it given. She stayed strong, open and receptive, showing no weakness, simply listening to P.J. until he yelled, "I thought you wanted your own studio, but you know what, I don't think that is the best idea. This isn't how a studio is run! So go ahead and rest up, lil tiger. Don't come in for a few days, you look like shit. We don't need that bruised up face reminding everyone of what happened. We lead by _example,_ Beca!"

Beca said nothing but there was a perceptible twitch to one of her eyes and a shake to the fingers playing with the unlit cigarette in them.

With a huff Beca's boss turned, looking for somewhere to set the cup. Chloe jumped up to take it, "Thank you, sweetheart." He gave her a kind smile, a smile too kind for someone who had just ripped her best friend apart.

"Have a good day, P.J." Chloe offered, listening to his feet cross the condo and the door close.

They both flinched when it did.

"Beca-"

But Beca's hand went out, silencing her. She shook her head, disoriented and unblinking and searched the table for her lighter. Only when the cigarette was lit did she let her hand drop. "You know what's funny?" Beca gave her a one eyed glare, "He used to tell me that I needed to party because we 'led by example'."

"Bec-"

The hand went back up again so, with a small nod Chloe gave her some space, taking the dirty cups back to the kitchen. She felt her phone begin to buzz in her back pocket and frowned, turning on the water to wash the cups.

She had no idea what to do. The phone...Nick...and his baby...she could ignore that a little longer but Beca - she needed something and she needed it now. Had she just lost her shot at the studio? Her heart ached for her; she couldn't imagine what Beca was feeling.

He couldn't have meant it, that smile he had given her was so kind. No one could have that type of kindness in them and rip someone's dream away for one mistake - even if it was a very stupid mistake.

Plus, wasn't _he_ the one who promoted the 'you only live once' lifestyle? Beca had basically just said so and Hunny had also told her something very similar when Chloe had noticed her ' _Y.O.L.O_.' tattoo the first night they met. She said he loved to watch others have fun, that drugs and alcohol were welcome in the studio because it 'promoted creativity'.

Chloe was fairly sure what it _actually_ promoted was very different.

She did not approve of Beca's actions...or Hunny's or Emily's but, the cup clattered in the drainer as she set it down a little harder than she meant to, a wave of indignation sweeping through her.

How could he promote this type of behavior and then chew her out about the consequences - the cup she had been washing flew from her hands, shattering in the sink as suddenly rock blared from the living room, kicking up at _full_ volume.

She yelped, covering her skipping heart.

Okay...

"Ohmygod,Bec! You scared-" but she stopped trying before she even began because there was no way the woman would hear her, so instead she followed the music back to the living room. "Beca!" she cried when she saw Beca lying sprawled across the floor.

Then Beca's hand lifted to remove the cigarette from between her lips and let out a cloud of smoke.

Okay...

So Beca was lying on the floor in front of her speakers with a cigarette and a bottle of whiskey.

She supposed there were worse ways to handle the situation. She wished that Beca wouldn't, that fear, it still hadn't left from around Chloe's heart but perhaps what Beca needed now was someone to help her feel better, not to condemn her. She threw open the large back windows, letting out the cigarette smoke and then came to her, standing over Beca and giving her a little wave. Looking into Beca's pale face she saw nothing, which - did not surprise her but also didn't make her concern disappear.

"Are you okay?" she yelled.

"Peachy."

"Liar."

Beca shrugged and took a large swallow from the bottle, staring back at Chloe's incredulous face. "Here! Have a drink with me!"

Chloe took the bottle but instead asked, "Don't you want some breakfast first? Something in your stomach might be a good idea, maybe?"

"No point! Fuck it, I don't have to go to work today!"

It was downhill from there.

It started out with Beca on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, sedately smoking and drinking, Chloe watching her from just outside the patio doors.

Then as though the stress needed a physical outlet for the tension, Beca let out an agonized groan, rubbing her face and pulled herself up. Slowly she began to jump around the room to the music while Chloe sat, watching the amber liquid disappear. The more the liquid disappeared the more Beca moved, making Chloe wonder about her injuries. Still she just watched, letting Beca work through whatever she needed to, ready to catch her if it seemed as though Beca needed it.

It didn't start to make Chloe anxious until an hour later when she began to notice that Beca's bouncing was starting to have a discernible lean, as though her strained muscle was bothering her.

"Bec - Beca! Come sit! Come here! Let me give you a massage or - something."

"Uh uh!" Beca shook her head, giving her a deadened grin, "I've got to mooove! Relaxation, remember?"

"Bec-" she tried to reach for her hand but Beca jumped out of the way.

She was going to hurt herself.

Beca drained a little more of the whiskey, moving all the faster, letting her head loll this way and that on her shoulders.

"Beca, talk to me."

"Nothin' to say!" she shouted back over the music, "It's okay, it's cool. I don't need that job. I don't need to produce music! Who likes producing music anyway? I don't need music at all! Fuck it! I would be a bomb ass grocery bagger. Like - yeah - I'm _so_ good at stacking things. Or maybe I should work at a pet store and just play with animals all day. Fuck it. I don't need to produce music anyway. I'm in L.A., strippers make _bank_ here."

She watched Beca jump around for a while longer, dread in her stomach. She was watching Beca break; she was seeing it happen right before her eyes.

"Beca!" She finally stood, catching her hands. She took the cigarette and put it out then took the bottle and set it down, holding tight to Beca so she couldn't run off. "Bec, talk to me. Do you _really_ think P.J. meant what he was saying or do you think he was just angry because I don't think he would have spent so much time trying to get you out of trouble if he didn't see a future with you."

Beca heaved a great sigh, letting the wall drop just a little, "I don't really know. Amanda would have been a big client and I fucked it."

"Beca-"

"No, Chlo! Don't tell me I didn't!" She tried to angrily pull away but Chloe held tight.

"Beca. You're stressed. Don't wo-"

Beca groaned, twitching in her hands, "I'm not stressed, okay?" she barked, "I'm just - really, really, tired. Like, in my soul tired."

Chloe nodded, "Let's sit-"

The doorbell went off again and just like that, the drawbridge was back up, locking down the fortress.

"Who…?"

"I called some peeps!" Beca grinned, hopping over the back of the couch and nearly taking herself out when her side gave an obvious spasm.

Okay…

She watched a crowd of people come in all laughing and clapping Beca on the back, congratulating her for her heroics.

Chloe couldn't understand it. She didn't really want to understand it.

"Hey, Chlo." Emily appeared from the crowd timidly, glancing back at Beca who hadn't seemed to notice her.

"Emily! I've been wondering about you. Where have you been? You never came back."

The girl shrugged her shoulders, going into the hug, "I had some things I needed to work out."

"Have you talked to Beca?" She knew Beca wanted to talk to her pretty badly.

"Err, no, not yet."

She nodded again, rethinking, "I'm not sure that this is the best afternoon for it."

"No," Emily frowned, watching Beca jumping up and down with a blonde man Chloe didn't know. "I can't stay long."

"Alright," Chloe smiled, sensing that there was something on Emily's mind. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah...Yeah, actually."

"Okay good. That's all that matters." She would get to it when she was ready. Chloe just watched the party move out to the patio and followed, taking the top half of a poolside chair and letting Emily sit at her feet.

"Wow, she's, uh, really going at it, isn't she?"

Chloe frowned, "Yeah, she is. P.J. came over this morning and told her that he was reconsidering his offer of the sister studio. He pretty much told her it wasn't going to happen."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"But she works her ass off for him!"

Chloe clicked her tongue, feeling that defensive anger again, "I'm not entirely sure he meant it."

They watched Beca and her friends for a little longer.

"She doesn't even seem to know I'm here." Emily frowned, picking at the seam of her jeans. "She's my best friend and she doesn't even know I'm here."

"Hey," Chloe put a hand on her arm, "don't take it personally. She doesn't know that I'm here either. I think all she knows is that bottle. "

"Yeah," Emily scoffed, "but you're like her whole world so she will always come back to you."

Chloe's hand retracted as she frowned.

"She probably hates me now."

"What? Emily, no!"

"I was supposed to be in the car with her. It was supposed to be _our_ night to hang out, just us. Then Hunny showed up and - I shouldn't have let her go. She could have died."

"Hey!" Chloe pulled her into a hug, "This is _not_ your fault. This is no one's fault." Except, if Chloe were being honest, he thought that maybe some of that blame was hers. She had seen that Beca was in trouble and she had just let it go. She hadn't been there for her.

"No, Chloe! You don't understand, I was supposed to _ride_ with her! I would have gone with her because I was too high and drunk to notice the difference between okay to drive and really, really not. Then when Benji wouldn't let me get in the car it never even occurred to me to pull Beca out too. He tried to tell me but I couldn't get it. If she had died that would have been just as much on me as it would have been on her, maybe more. It was my idea to do the shots in the first place. It's _always_ my idea to do the shots in the first place."

Emily's bluntness made her blink, surprised. She could see the torment in Emily's face, the shame, the depth of her guilt.

"Can I show you something?"

"Of course you can, sweetie."

Taking an unsteady breath Emily reached into her back pocket and pulled a small golden medallion from it, placing it in her palm.

"To thine own self be true." Chloe read, "Twenty-four hours?" she turned it over and saw a prayer she had seen before but had never grown familiar with.

"Yeah, two days now."

"Emily! That's great! I didn't - I didn't realize-"

"Yeah, it was a lot worse than anyone knew."

"Emily!" Chloe breathed, squeezing her hand, "I'm _so_ proud of you! This is totally amazing!"

" _I try_ to keep my spirits up and all of that but this week has been the worst of my fucking life."

She gave her another squeeze, "Is this why you haven't been around? Is this why you've been avoiding Beca? Because I think she would be proud of you too. This is amazing!"

"Honestly, yeah. Well, not this, exactly, but um, you know, well, Hunny isn't exactly a big supporter of this, the program I mean and I didn't think-"

"The ones who need it the most never are, right?"

"Yeah..."

Looking down at the small coin Chloe worried her lip, "Emily, do you - do you think this is something that Beca needs?"

The surprise was evident on her face, "Bex?"

"Right. _Bex_."

"Errr, Beca,"

"I'm sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to be rude."

"No," Emily jumped, "I get it. 'Bex' is kind of a Hunny thing."

"Right."

They spent a moment staring down at the simple little medallion with so much meaning.

"I don't think so, Chloe. I wasn't the same as Beca. Did you know I was drunk the entire time you were here?"

Her eyes popped wide in surprise, "You were?"

"Kinda, yeah. And I don't mean that as in you have to be able to deceive in order to be an alcoholic; I think it looks different on everyone. I get up every morning with a drink, with four drinks. I always said it didn't matter, I'm a singer, that's what we do and it's so totally normal for this crew. Hunny _loved_ that about me. Did you know I was the one that introduced Hunny and Beca?"

"Oh, you're the one to blame," she gave a teasing laugh.

"Yeah, Hunny and I met _at a bar_. We got along great."

"Wow. Emily, I had no idea. I'm so sorry I didn't realize. I feel like - I feel like I'm missing so many little details about my friends these days."

Emily was quiet for a long time watching Chloe rub her coin like a worry stone, "I don't think Beca has a substance abuse problem, I think Beca has a handling life problem. She's not happy, Chloe."

For a few minutes all that Chloe could do was frown.

"EMILY!"

They both jumped as from across the pool Beca finally noticed Chloe's company.

"Why is she walking like that?"

"She has a strained muscle in her side from the accident. The doctor said she was a breath away from ripping it completely. Air bag." Chloe said through a strained smile.

"Great. Super great."

"Isn't it?"

"Where have you been? I've been calling you!" Beca collapsed between them, throwing her arms around Emily. "You're not allowed to just disappear!"

Chloe bit her lip. Ironic. She caught Emily's eye and gave her a wink before pulling herself up and heading back to the kitchen, giving them space.

She knew her mood was dark, unusually dark. She was just…worried...about everything it felt like.

She talked with a few people she had seen at the club and a few she had never met before, declining drink offer after drink offer before she finally settled back outside, a headache blooming.

"Heeeeey, gorgeous laaaady! You look so bored!"

She looked up into Beca's face and felt some of her agitation disappear. Beca did look so much better. For the first time all day her grin was the huge, toothy, dimpled and eye twinkling one that Chloe knew so well. She wanted to stay inwardly sour, despite her happy smile, she wanted to stay worried and concerned but Beca was just _so_ cute when she smiled like that.

"Beca, you don't find it ironic to celebrate surviving a drunk driving accident by getting drunk?"

"Pssshh, no. It's what we do here."

It's what put you in danger. But Chloe just took a sip from her cup, hiding the thought as much as possible.

Beca groaned as she plopped down, tossing her arms over Chloe's shoulders so she could lay on her back like a sloth, making Chloe grin.

Damn it, Chloe! You're _upse_ t.

"I'm sorry I'm such a dick."

Chloe's mind was blank, flustered by the sudden contact. She tried to come up with a response but she seemed to have lost the ability to - words. She loved this type of contact, Beca draped over her, her face buried in the back of her neck. She felt Beca giggle and delighted little goosebumps rose on her arms.

"I love you, nerd face."

"Whaumph-" Chloe blinked, wondering if that had been a word or not but Beca was already pulling herself up.

"Come on. Stop sitting by yourself. Come meet my friends."

She wanted to protest, but Beca was pulling her by the hand and she just couldn't resist.

She let Beca lead her around for a while, meeting all of Beca's friends. They all seemed genuinely happy to have met her, and _all_ of them seemed to know exactly who she was.

How much _did_ Beca talk about her? Had Hunny been telling the truth?

After the fourth person laughed and replied, "Ooooooh, _Chloe_ …" Beca had given up, taking instead to ignoring her friends and dancing.

"Can I get you a drink or anything?" Beca called into her ear as they jumped around, laughing far more than Chloe had thought she would today.

"No, I think I'm okay for now. Can I get you anything? Are you hungry yet?"

"Nope! Are you? We can order a pizza or something. I know we still haven't gone grocery shopping."

Chloe frowned, "Why are you always so sweet to me when you're drunk? It's nice, I love it, but it kind of sucks when you're sober. Not as much as it did but, I don't know, it feels like _us_ when you're drunk. Oh god, what does that say?"

"Drunk is truth serum!" Beca shrugged, jumping around her in circles was making Chloe dizzy.

"Okay," Chloe had to take a second to breathe around the flutter in her stomach. Did this mean that there _wasn't_ still a small part of Beca that hated her? "If this is your 'truth' then why can't this be how things always are?"

"Harder."

Grabbing Beca and holding her still was not an easy job, she was like a child on a sugar high, "I don't understand."

Beca sighed, rubbing her side, "Uuuuuugh, because it's so hard to keep you…over there…all of the time. It's fucking exhausting."

Chloe didn't understand what she was hearing. Why did she feel like she _needed_ to keep her distance? Beca had _always_ been safe with her. Was this just the - other thing? "So then why do you do it?"

"Because!" Beca cried, waving her arms, "Do you have any idea what it was like? It was fucking impossible!"

"I just - I don't -" her eyes narrowed in frustration and without a word she turned, pulling Beca inside. "Sit." She shoved the flailing woman down on the couch and then took a demure seat beside her, "Now. What are you _trying_ to say?"

"No fair! You're cheating!" Beca cried, scooting low in the cushions, barely peeking out at her over her knees.

"By asking?"

"Yeah by asking, dude!"

"Well, then I guess I am cheating."

Beca glared but Chloe just let her arm rest on the back of the couch, playing with a strand of Beca's hair, "Will you tell me? Please?"

"I dunno, it was just easier not to see you after a while I guess. I mean, _Nick_. Really, Chlo? Nick?"

"Heeey," Chloe chuckled lightly, "Nick is a good guy, leave him alone."

"Isn't he currently having a teenager's love child?"

"I think it's actually the other way around."

"Ooookay, whatever," Beca teased back, scoffing.

"I just still don't get it, I think. Why didn't you ever tell me? Why didn't you ever come out to me?"

"Then you would have known, right?"

"Known what?"

She just got an eyebrow raised glare in response.

"Oh."

Beca said it like it was a fact but - was it? Chloe wasn't so sure.

"So you mean to tell me," Chloe hurried on, "that you spent all of that time in the closet just so I wouldn't know that you loved me?"

Beca writhed at her words, "Do you remember the dog trainer guy?"

"The dog traine- oooooh," She frowned into a sad pout.

"Exactly, see! You freaking cried, dude! You cried for like three hours because he was like epically in love with you and you weren't interested, remember? I know you weren't homophobic or anything, you don't have a freaking hateful bone in your whole damn body, but you _cried_."

"To you." Chloe moaned, "Of all the people I could have cried to, I cried to _you._ "

"Yeah, well, that was my job. I was your best friend."

"Am."

"What?"

Chloe gave her a soft smile and a thumb swipe across the chin, "You _are_ my best friend."

Beca blushed, the grin stretching across her face slowly, "Whatever."

"No! Not whatever! _That_ is important! And that is why you should have _told_ me! The fact that you felt that way is _awesome_."

Beca just scoffed.

"Did you leave because I was pregnant?"

"Yup," the P popping off of Beca's bottom lip.

It was a small blow to the stomach, but okay, she could get passed that, "Was it the baby or-"

"Nope. Babies are good. We like babies. It was a _Nick_ baby."

"Oh."

"But whatever, that was then, a million years before I didn't have a job and I had to move out of my condo and live in a cardboard box. Hey. If I become homeless can I come live in your garage or something?"

"He's not going to fire you. He can't."

"Why? Because you say so?"

"Exactly."

Beca laughed, falling a little ways down the cushion toward her, "I'm not sure if that will be a good enough reason for him, Chlo."

"You're good at your job, Bec. I know that. He knows that."

"Yeah," Beca's wide eyes filled with tears, "but I really fucked up."

"You made a mistake, a big one."

"And I might not be able to fix it. I'm just - I'm so fucking frustrated." She growled, kicking at an empty beer can on the table. " _I'm_ always the one that wants to focus. You know, EZ? His crew _pisses me off_ because they're such a distraction. We get like nothing done on a daily basis but I can't kick them out because then P.J. would be mad at me and call it a party foul or something. It's just - it's so freaking frustrating. If I wanted to be a babysitter then I would have gone to nanny school or whatever. I want to produce music, I want to be a producer but how can I do that when I can't choose the songs for Synergy's drop party and stupid fucking Clay keeps going on and on about ghetto 90's remixes?"

Chloe listened as Beca talked, watching her decompress as she let off steam. When Beca began to stress cry again Chloe pulled her to her, letting her rest her face against her shoulder as she moaned about feeling inferior, as she spilled the hopes that felt as though they were falling further and further from her grasp. Eventually Beca's head fell, resting in her lap so Chloe listened as she stroked her hair, working carefully to ease her until finally, despite the handful of people that hadn't left, she fell asleep - or passed out, Chloe didn't know.

Her mind worked as she continued to absentmindedly play with Beca's hair. She didn't know what to do. She needed advice, she needed -

She pulled out her phone, ignoring the missed calls and dialed her other best friend.

"Hey, Chlo!" Aubrey sounded cheerful on the other side of the line.

"Heeey."

"Why are you whispering?"

"I'm not."

"Um, okay Chloe, what's going on?"

"Nothing." With a huff she admitted, "Beca's asleep next to me."

"Beca? I thought that she was housebound. Did she come to vi- _Chloe_! Are you back in L.A.?"

"Maybe."

"Chloe!"

"What? She was hurt! She was in-"

"An accident, I heard. Why the hell are you back in L.A. Chloe? Huh? After that terrible trip? I don't understand."

"It wasn't terrible. I don't know, Aubrey, I just feel like she needs me right now."

"Chloe…"

"I don't know, Brey."

"Chlo, Beca is _lost_ right now. She needs _help_ , maybe professional help."

"She's not crazy."

"No, but, she needs to find her way out of it. What are you doing there? You have a life now _without_ her in it. What happens when she gets all - Beca - and runs again?"

Chloe sat silent for a while, processing the first part of that sentence and ignoring the second. She had to assume that unless things really changed between them, Beca would run again. It was just a fact. Honestly, she hadn't even stopped running, had she? It was also true, Beca _did_ need to find her way out and she _did_ need help.

Just like that, she knew exactly what she needed to do.

"You're right."

"I usually am."

Chloe let out a hiccup of a laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

The last of the guests left once they realized their hostess was asleep, something Chloe was alright with. She _was_ craving some peace and quiet, she was craving some time to think - despite the fact that she had been thinking for hours now, she was craving - something spicy. Ooh, she was hungry. She had skipped lunch, hadn't she? Maybe she would cook soon.

She didn't really want to get up though.

But damn, she _was_ hungry. Hungry to the point her stomach was starting to swirl into nausea.

Her phone began to vibrate again and habitually Chloe looked at the caller.

Marcy.

Goodness, she could only assume what Marcy would have to say to her. No thank you, she would make dinner instead.

She shifted a little to the side, doing her best not to move Beca too much. No luck though. Beca's hand had closed around Chloe's shirt without her realizing and the movement made her groan in her sleep.

Chloe stopped, giving the sleepy eyes a smile, "Hey."

"Hey." Beca's eyebrows drew in tight, the word short and clipped.

Chloe could sense the mood shift easily. She let out a sigh, knowing what was coming.

"Dude, why does this keep _happening_?" Beca shot up, rubbing her head. "What is your lap like a magnet or something?"

"I don't know Bec, you've always liked my lap. I guess it's just as comfortable gay as it was when I was straight," she teased, hoping to get a laugh.

Beca's only response was a glare, briskly flicking the lighter and lighting a cigarette. She rose and moved away, knowing that Beca was glaring daggers at her.

"Why are you still here?"

"What?" Chloe asked, fanning her warm face and enjoying the cool breeze just outside of the patio door.

"Seriously. Why are you still here? Why did you come at all?"

Chloe pulled her hair up, watching Beca grimace and sniff, "Where did the mood come from, Bec? If we're going to fight then can it at least be about something new?"

Beca scoffed, rising and pouring herself another drink, "I just - I don't freaking - there's such thing as personal space, dude, it's not crazy that I like mine."

"Uh huh."

"Plus, like, I dunno what you're waiting for but you don't need to stay."

Chloe frowned. There was no point in letting herself be dragged into the fight that Beca was trying to start. She took a deep breath but anger was building, far too fast to be rational. "Is this your way of telling me to leave, Beca?"

Beca gave her a mocking shocked stare, "Yeah! Go home! No one needs you. Everything is fine."

No one needs you?! She watched Beca take another long drink; looking at Chloe as though she were an idiot and she felt something inside snap. Anger was easy these days, a little too easy and she wasn't used to it. She had never been someone who believed in anger; she had never been someone who wanted to put that out into the universe. But suddenly, she was _angry._ "Everything is fine? Everything is _fine_?" She marched right up to her, ripping the tumbler full of whiskey from Beca's hand, not caring at all that she slopped some of the contents down Beca's front. "Are you fucking kidding me, Beca?"

Beca's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Chloe did swear just not - like that – and rarely _at_ people. She didn't think it was good 'ju-ju'.

"Everything is _not_ fine! Everything is most certainly not fine because you make a lot of stupid choices, stupid freaking choices Beca! This," she held up the now mostly empty tumbler, "makes you _not_ fine. That," she gestured out to the patio where people had been a few hours before, "makes you not fine! That," she ripped the cigarette from Beca's fingers, jamming it out, "makes you _not_ fine! What the hell were you thinking? Huh? What the hell _are_ you thinking? What the hell were you thinking putting yourself in that situation? Have you ever stopped to think about what it was like for me getting that phone call? Huh? I literally wasn't even sure you were _alive_! Have you stopped to think about what it will be like when I get the call again? When this time you _aren't_ alive? When you take yourself out of this world? Who is going to call your family, Beca? Not Hunny! She would probably be dead right beside you! Me! Me, Beca! I would have to be the one to call your mom - and your dad - and the Bellas - and the Trebles - _and_ everyone else you have ever known. You would have taken yourself away from _me_ \- _again_! Which, I'm sorry, a girl can only handle once! Not even! And you would have done it because of this! This stupid, stupid choice!" She sucked in a deep breath, her trembling hands going to her hair. "DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE FINE! YOU ARE NOT FINE, BECA! NEITHER ONE OF US IS FINE BECAUSE OF THIS!" She took another deep rattling breath. Oh my god, she felt better. She felt so much better. She hadn't realized how much buzzing tension had been living in her body, how much anger, how much fear until she was suddenly screaming in the middle of Beca's living room.

A blush touched her cheeks as she glanced sheepishly over at Beca.

Beca just looked back, arms crossed and thoroughly unimpressed, "You feel better now?"

"Yes. Thank you," she sighed, timidly chewing her lip.

"Great. _Go home_!"

"...NO! You don't get to send me home after you almost die. You don't get to push me away because it's easier! We did this in college and I will do it again if I have to. I let you push me away once because I thought I had hurt you but,"

"You did hurt me!"

"How? By not loving you in the way that you loved me?"

"Yeah!"

Her whole body tensed, shock radiating through her like a kick back. Her mouth fell open, hurt, honestly hurt. She would give anything to take that back, anything to take away Beca's pain, all of those years.

She just looked at Beca and Beca looked back until finally, Beca gave a huff, "I mean-"

"I'm sorry that you were hurt, I _am_! But I'm not leaving, Beca, not until I know that you're not just going to kill yourself. I can't. I'm _here_. So _suck it up, Rebeca_ and stop treating me like shit!"

Beca scoffed, her arms going out in surrender, "Fine. You want to stay? _Fine_. Have fucking fun!" And she marched from the room.


	12. Chapter 12

She _had_ to stop waking up in Chloe's arms. It just made it harder. It just made it worse. It just - felt so fucking good. Fuck. It felt so good that once again she snapped, she snapped harder and louder than she had needed to. It had been the gay joke. It wasn't fair but hearing it said that way, hearing the casual way that Chloe had made the joke - it just reminded her of something, something so small and yet so important.

Chloe was a lesbian.

….which meant that Chloe had always been a lesbian...somewhere within her.

….and yet she had never realized.

Beca had never made her realize.

Gay or straight, Chloe had _never_ been interested in her.

She had made out with Aubrey once.

She had made out with Stacie once.

She had made out with some unknown Bella.

Apparently the only one that Chloe hadn't made out with, the only one who _hadn't_ helped in Chloe's realization - was her.

She had been the one to always be there, she was always available - right there - next to her - all gay and waiting - and Chloe had never been interested.

She still wasn't.

Beca was just torturing herself.

She couldn't make her leave but she also couldn't stand looking at that face, the way it always seemed to glow... and know all of this.

From upstairs, where she was hiding, she heard Chloe leave. She heard the front door open and close and she didn't know if she wanted to celebrate or if she wanted to wail in misery. So she just shut down, scowling and headed up the small flight of stairs at the back of the condo to her in-house studio.

She didn't really have anything she was specifically working on; she hadn't for a while. She was always too busy working at the studio. Maybe that's what she should be doing now, but then again maybe P.J. would kill her if she showed her nasty face so…

She slipped on her huge headphones, feeling instantly better and picked a track at random.

She missed making her mixes. It was true, maybe they weren't the moneymakers but they were fun.

She clicked around absentmindedly, not really noticing when she pulled two tracks, one that was fast and angry and one that was slow and melancholy together, splicing them into contrasting parts.

It felt good to have the music up this loud, it drove away the thoughts she didn't want to have.

She jumped a little while later when a hand softly curled around her shoulder, "Jesus fuck, dude, what the fuck? _What?_ "

"I'm sorry," Chloe was trying to bite back a smirk and it just annoyed Beca all the more. "Are you hungry? I made something to eat."

Beca stared. She was _cooking_ now? Was she kidding?

She _was_ hungry, really fucking hungry but, "No. I'm good," she went to slip her headphones back on but Chloe stopped her.

"Do you mind if I take one of the guest rooms tonight? I kinda-"

"Whatever you want to do, dude," and she spun back around to the soundboard.

She knew that she was tiptoeing later that night. She had stayed up in her studio far longer than she had needed to, avoiding downstairs. She hadn't even freaking _turned_ _back around_ for a solid few hours and then when she finally did she had scowled because there was a bowl on the table behind her of some type of Asian fusion curry thing that smelled amazing.

When the hell had she brought that up?

She was cooking _and_ she was feeding her now? Okay, I mean, it wouldn't be the first time or anything but still!

Beca hadn't touched it, not even a bite because she knew if she had she would finish the bowl in seconds and she refused.

Instead, she had tiptoed downstairs and deposited it with the other leftovers in the fridge.

….Chloe had done the shopping.

What the hell was she trying to do to her?

And now she was tiptoeing again, heading up for a shower and bed. It was stupid to tiptoe in her own house. What the hell was she doing?

Then again, if Chloe stepped out from behind that closed door in one of those adorable pajama sets she used to wear - she had like - absolutely no freaking idea what would pop out of her mouth so - she reached the halfway point, past the closed guest room and then bolted, all but running into her room.

Made it.

Safe.

This was home base.

What the hell was she going to do?

She thought as she took a quick shower but it wasn't until she crawled into bed that she decided.

Avoidance.

It was the key to all things.

Just...pretend she wasn't even freaking here.

 

* * *

 

 

Ignoring her entirely went well...for about a day...

She got up the next morning and went about her normal routine. Well, not normal, she couldn't go to work and it seemed that everybody wanted her to stay home; even EZ told her to take some time when she offered to meet him that night.

So she just did - whatever.

She went for a swim, something she hadn't had time to do all summer, she spent far too long thinking about the possibility of Emily's next album, she tinkered in her studio. All in all - she was bored after two freaking hours. What the hell did people do on 'stay-cations'? She didn't even really want to drink! She wasn't stressed so the inclination just wasn't there. She wasn't stressed, so logically, her lack of stress - stressed her out. Well. She was a little stressed but it was normal stressed, not I-want-to-die-I-need-to-escape stressed. She had poured herself a tumbler and had lost interest after a few sips.

What the hell was she supposed to do? Sit and heal?

Chloe seemed perfectly content to sit in the sun with a book, not that Beca was watching, of course.

Chloe hadn't tried to approach her all day. It was like she just knew that Beca had decided against any and all contact. All she got was a few cheerful sentences, 'good morning', 'it's a good book, you should try it', 'would you like to do something for dinner' - that was all. She didn't seem upset, she just seemed - relaxed.

Why the hell was she so relaxed and yet Beca was going nuts?

Two mornings later she was groaning into her pillow as soon as she woke up. Maybe she should just roll back over and take a nap - that's right, wake up, roll over and take a nap.

Her stomach gave an insistent grumble and she sighed. Fine.

She pulled herself up, marveling about how good it felt to _not_ be totally and completely hungover. There might be something to this.

She didn't bother changing out of her tank top and shorts, just shuffled her way downstairs. The bottom level was quiet so she shrugged and headed to the kitchen.

It was actually really nice having food, she hadn't realized how much she ate out. Maybe this was something she would keep up once Chloe was gone.

You know, not all of Chloe's ideas were bad. Actually, none of them were bad, as annoying as that was. She was talking about exactly the type of life Beca wanted. Stable. Making music during the day and then going home at night - you know, home and not a club, not having to fight all day through the partying - even if she liked it sometimes - not losing her handle on her stress level and needing something to make it better – eating well, being in shape. She would never fucking repeat this to anyone - ever - but she almost missed the cardio. The word used to be enough to make any smile drop from her face but once she had gotten into it...it had felt kind of good. Back in college, when she was going to the gym with Chloe every day, she had felt a little less like she was going to pass out from walking up stairs. She had been in decent shape. I mean, the Bellas were always dancing and not fun, silly dancing, but aerobic, kick their asses dancing. Now - she frowned as she poked at her soft stomach - yeah not so much – her scowl grew – she needed to quit smoking. She took a huge bite from a bagel. Maybe she would like -

The bite of bagel fell right back out of her mouth as she turned.

" _Really_?"

She just stared, blinking out of the patio windows to the sunny spot beside the pool.

Really?

Fucking - she had to be fucking with her, right? She had to - no one should be able to do that.

Chloe was beside the pool, a yoga mat laid out and her fire haired best friend was in the most - fucking creative pose that Beca had ever seen.

She didn't even - that was - um - impressive and – what the fuck?! She watched as Chloe's arms were planted on the mat between her feet and slowly her legs came up, high into the air in a handstand. Her arm muscles, the ones Beca hadn't realized were there, suddenly stood proud and obvious. Her shoulders stood strong as she brought her legs back down as one, sliding them between her arms as though she were sitting with her legs outstretched – midfuckingair. Okay, the fucking freak was a fucking freak. That wasn't yoga that was a fucking gymnast routine. Chloe tilted back she could slowly come back out of the pose, her legs spreading wide, leaning so far over that her head and her hands were horizontal to her ankles, giving Beca a wonderful view of - she saw Chloe's eyes open and jumped, turning around quickly - she wasn't - she wasn't doing anything – she glanced back and saw Chloe twisting in a way that made Beca's mouth drop open. Oh shit, she was standing.

She opened the fridge again but already having looked through it, closed it and then spun to the coffee pot, pouring for a full three seconds before she realized...it was empty.

"God damn it!" She cried, grabbing a cigarette and putting the kettle on for the french press. "What?! I'm just making coffee!"

Chloe paused, eyebrows rising as she stepped through the door, "I didn't say anything."

"Riiight, how do you - that can't be healthy-"

"What, yoga? Isn't it kind of the _definition_ of healthy?"

"Turning yourself into a human pretzel?"

Chloe just smiled, "You should try it sometime."

"Uuuuuum, I think I'm good, I like not snapping myself in half, it's kind of a thing for me and that-" she realized she was rambling and snapped her mouth shut mid-sentence.

"It's not that hard, come on, let me show you."

"Noope!" Beca jumped as soon as Chloe grabbed her hips, "I gotta - stuff - to - do."

Three mornings later she came down to find that Chloe just returned from a run, her skin glistening slightly, her face flush. Beca had been fine until she noticed the tiny tank top and the even tinier shorts.

She had excused herself all the way back up to her studio.

How did Nick live like this? I mean, really, she was a walking, talking priapism waiting to happen.

She stayed upstairs until late afternoon, simply because - no - but finally boredom won out.

"Hey Bec," Chloe grinned from the bed of the guest room where she was reading a parenting magazine.

"Errr, hey."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing?" She frowned and continued down the stairs, not at all surprised when Chloe came bounding around the corner and followed her.

"So I was thinking -"

"Oh yeah?"

"That maybe instead of totally ignoring me we could do something together."

"I ju- wh-ugh-" there was that freaking bluntness again. "I -"

"So, what are you up to?"

She side glanced that smile and scowled. Well...she had kind of been sneaking down to watch more of that show that Chloe had shown her but - Beca didn't answer, instead she headed to the kitchen, grabbing a snack. Chloe plopped down at the island, waiting for some type of response.

Beca didn't have one so instead she asked, "Are you just using me to hide from your life?"

"A little bit, but I can't just watch you lose yourself. I love you, Bec, I can't let that happen."

Beca just growled.

The afternoon after next she had managed to get by Chloe and downstairs on her own. Actually, she had no idea where Chloe was but she didn't think she was home - here - in the condo - whatever - in this place of residence.

Still Beca glanced around, peeking around doorways before with a grin and smugly pleased with the evasion, she plopped down on the couch and clicked on the TV. She sent one more tentative glance around before pressing play.

"Ooooh, Unbreakable!"

_God damn it!_

Suddenly Chloe was falling onto the opposite side of the couch, shaking out her hair into a lion's mane of awesome.

"Where the hell did you _come from_?"

Chloe just shrugged, giving her a smile. "I ordered a pizza for tonight."

"So you've just moved in then? Like, I have a roommate now?"

"A very cute roommate."

"Wha-"

"No, I didn't move in but I like pizza. Don't you?"

Beca glared. Well. Too bad for her. She didn't need her pizza. She didn't want her pizza. As a matter of fact, she was gonna get back up and go - somewhere. Part of that whole ignoring Chloe plan meant that she needed to, you know, ignore Chloe. "What kind of pizza?"

"Hawaiian," Chloe said, nonchalantly kicking her bare feet and legs into Beca's lap.

Toenails.

Tiny, adorable, black toenails.

And Beca's favorite pizza - not Chloe's - which had always been anything with white sauce and vegetables.

Little toes and pizza.

She was smelling a scheme here.

"From where?"

"Vinny's." Chloe gave another shrug, eyes on the screen.

She must have noticed the takeout menu on the side of the fridge because Vinny's was the best melt in your mouth, take you to heaven, but you don't care as long as you get another slice kind of pizza.

No, no, she was playing this all too cool. Chloe _loved_ to do little things for people, fucking _loved_ it - especially if it was Beca she got to do it for. If she just 'happened' to order Beca's favorite pizza and 'happened' to order from her favorite place, then Chloe _should_ be all over her, trying to see if she was genuinely pleased.

"What are you up to?"

Chloe's eyelashes fluttered as she looked over, "What?"

Nope. Not buying that for a second. Beca shifted, trying to subtly push her legs back off of her, ignoring those painted digits but either Chloe didn't get it or she was refusing because she didn't move. Instead, she just let out a little sigh and scooted down into the cushion.

"Comfortable?" Beca growled.

"Very."

How did she _do_ that? Just totally - okay so what did she do now? Did she act like a total dick, as she had been so prone to do as of late, and kick her off or did she sit here and not look at the toes...and legs…and the freckles...and try not to think of the yoga poses she kept fucking finding her in every morning. And I'm sorry – yoga – yeah – not even – Jesus – whoever invented yoga – secret sex addict – or something because holy fuck. Torment, wonderful torment. Chloe was…bendy.

God damn it!

So she sat, moodily ignoring her from close range and Chloe seemed fairly comfortable with that. Chloe was pretty much comfortable with all of it.

It made Beca all the more suspicious.

"Your toes are black."

"What?"

"You painted - erm, black."

"Oh!" Chloe beamed, "I used yours. Do you like it?"

Beca frowned. _Why_ did that kind of feel like when a girl steals your hoodie or your favorite tee shirt? She didn't answer Chloe and instead tried hard not to think of Chloe somewhere in her condo within the last few days borrowing her nail polish.

They had cuddled too much in the past, that was fucking clear. Every three seconds, every time she shifted or moved, her hand went to rest on the arch of Chloe's foot - every - single - time, for no other reason than that is how she would have held the foot in her lap - because she _would_ have held it, squeezed it, given it a massage. She kept catching herself before it landed and scowling. Clearly it was just a little too easy to be physical with this woman.

Uggggh, she did not just say that.

No - physical - no -

Best friend - doesn't want you - still married - doesn't want you -

No touching the feet.

Stop thinking about the freckles on the top of her middle toe and the time she let you play connect the dots up her leg with a pen and you did it with a sharpie. She had been pissed for days until Beca finally groveled enough - and let her do it back.

This was - fucking ridiculous. Finally fed up, she shoved both hands under her own ass and sat on them, giving the side of Chloe's head a particularly hard glower.

A bit later the doorbell rang and Chloe jumped up to get it.

The smell hit Beca before anything else did and her stomach gave a sharp rumble.

Apparently she and it were not on the same side.

Chloe reappeared, beaming, with two plates, "This smells amazing. I can't remember the last time I had _pizza!_ "

Beca's eyes narrowed, watching as she set the box down and flopped again, this time crossing her legs under herself.

It was torture; it was pure pizza torture as she opened the box releasing the smells.

"You want a slice?"

"No." She turned back to the screen and did her best to wipe her face clean of any and all expression.

"Are you sure?" Chloe pulled out a long, steaming slice, took a bite and moaned.

Okay so, was she jealous of Chloe or was she jealous of the pizza?

"What do I have to do?" She asked in a monotone.

Chloe dropped the charade, taking another bite, "One _whole_ conversation."

"What?" she cried, instantly scoffing.

"That's right. One whooole conversation."

"About _what_?"

"I don't care."

"Couldn't this count?"

"No."

"So let me make sure I got this, you're blackmailing me - with pizza?"

"Yes."

She scowled.

So unfair.

She wasn't going to cave.

Even though it was her favorite….

...and from Vinny's.

"Can we talk about the weather?"

"No."

"How about the fact that you're on my couch and I find that annoying?"

"Uh-uh. And no you don't."

She wanted to answer with a loud, YEAH-HUH but that...would have just made Chloe's point.

Apparently Chloe knew she had already won because she was lifting a slice out and plating it, "It's been eight days."

"Well, what do you expect? You're trying to change my life and you've barely been in it for years."

"Whose fault is that?"

"That's not really the point."

"Beca-" Chloe took a deep breath, exasperatedly searching for words, "I'm not trying to change anything. I just want to know that you're okay, that you're safe and you're _happy._ Last time I was worried and I walked away and you almost died. I'm not doing that again."

"But I _didn't_ die." Okay, even she knew that sounded petulant.

"You just - you could live the life you used to talk about, the life you used to dream of. You're so close. You have so much talent that is being wasted."

"Right because teaching a couple of students out of your living room is exactly what you thought you would grow up to be? Oh and the yoga, don't forget the yoga."

Chloe's eyebrows pulled together as she took another bite, "Eat your pizza."

Crap. "Ugh. Chlo-"

"No, it's okay, you're right. Being a full-time baby machine and part-time teacher isn't exactly what I saw for myself. But tell you what."

"What?"

"Let's work on you and then we'll work on me."

Beca rolled her eyes, taking a bite.

 

* * *

 

 

She woke up the next morning somewhat late and let out a series of awkward dinosaur screeches as she stretched. Chloe had totally cheated last night. She always cheated. She had waited until she had pizza belly and was all full and comfy under the weight of Chloe's legs to bring it up which certainly couldn't be a legal play. _Somehow_ Beca had agreed to try Chloe's yoga with her this morning.

It had to be the overdose on cheese and the perfect blend of salty and sweet.

She was fairly sure she was going to be bent too far the wrong way and she was going to get stuck that way, forever the human pretzel woman. But then again, if P.J. did fire her the plus side was that she could join the circus.

How was this always how it worked? She decided something will be one way and then Chloe comes along and oh wait, it's a whole different thing. It happened over and over and over again.

Actually, now that she was looking at the clock, she was surprised her drill sergeant hadn't come up and pulled her out of bed yet. Chloe was usually done with her workout by this time.

Not that she noticed.

"Duuuude!" she cried at her ceiling. Stop pining away after your best friend.

It's stupid.

And get up.

No need to tempt fate and get Chloe up here.

She rose with surprising ease and headed down to the kitchen where she could hear that awful grinding noise.

Ooooooh noooooo! She wasn't drinking it. If Chloe had one for her, she wasn't drinking it. She had burped celery for two days after the last one.

She paused, maybe if she called in sick -

The humming just under the grinding noise rose and Beca paused, foot halfway down the step. Listening she grinned as slowly the humming morphed into some pop song that Beca was only vaguely familiar with. She stopped altogether, a smile spreading across her face as she listened to the dreamy sound rise, Chloe giving in and singing, though quietly as though she were afraid of waking Beca.

She had always loved her voice. All of her Bellas had good voices and she had loved them all in their own way but Chloe's had always been her favorite. She loved how warm it was, a perfect complement to her own, so sweet and pure, yet could pull it out and knock the back of the house down if needed. She had heard that Alice had tried to beat the sweetness out of her voice and that had appalled and pissed Beca off. That would be like taking the chocolate off of chocolate covered strawberries or the ice cream out of a root beer float. Plus, she had heard Chloe get all raspy too; best of both worlds.

She listened to Chloe hit a particularly soft rich note and felt a shiver pass over her body. God her voice, it was one of the sexiest things about her. That said a lot because there were a lot of sexy things about Chloe but her voice, definitely a favorite. She leaned against the wall, just shy of the corner that led into the kitchen, waiting and pleased when Chloe's internal radio began another song.

She shouldn't be doing this, letting herself enjoy this, so she let herself take a second to pout and then rounded the corner.

"Hey, good morning."

"Morning." Chloe tossed her a grin and offered her a glass.

Beca took one look at it and, "Um. No."

"What? Just drink it. It's good for you."

"Still no."

"There's no celery."

"Then why is it all green?" Beca scowled at it, knowing it would be foul.

"It's….not celery."

"Answer isn't changing."

"Beca!"

"Don't stomp your foot at me!"

"I didn't!"

"Yes, you did! You totally just stomped your foot," but she was laughing, forgetting that she also wasn't supposed to do that. Chloe shot her a leveling gaze but Beca just took a step back, "Nope."

"Drink this and I won't make you run with me before yoga."

She went to respond but stopped, thinking it over. Okay, so she was going to give into something because she was a complete pushover apparently soooo - gross drink - gross activity - gross drink - gross activity - she reached for it and chugged it down as quickly as possible, jumping in place and hissing, "Ugh, god! What was that! It tastes like dirt!"

"Kale." Chloe sipped her drink, giving that innocent, wide-eyed stare that no one believed.

"Uawck! Dude! You gotta tell me when it's something _worse_ than celery."

Chloe just let out a little "Hmm" and placed their cups in the sink, "You ready?"

"Do I look ready?" She let the sarcasm drip.

Chloe glanced over her tank top and shorts making Beca flush and feel momentarily naked, "You look ready to me."

"You really going to make me do this?"

"You're going to have fun. You'll see."

"Fine. But I'm getting my sunglasses."

"You're not hungover!"

"The sun still exists, though." She found them beside the front door on the table, a strange place for them to be since usually they were wherever she had woken up after a night of drinking but - she guessed their new location made sense too.

"Lookit!"

Beca's eyebrow popped as she approached Chloe who was holding a rolled up mat.

"I got one for you!"

"Dude, you are far too excited about a roll of foam."

Chloe scoffed and smacked her with it making Beca jump and cry, 'Ow!' even though it didn't hurt. "Hey!" She looked for something to smack her back with, wondering what would happen if she threw her into the pool.

Death.

Death would happen.

Chloe was pretty chill overall but she _did_ still have curly hair. She would hit that water hissing like a cat.

"Are we really gonna - yup - okay," she grumbled as she watched Chloe lay out her own mat in the small patch of grass beside the pool and take a seat.

"Come on Bec, think of it this way, yoga helps you do amazing things in bed. Hunny will be grateful."

Hunny...whoa, she hadn't thought about her in a few days.

"I can already do amazing things in bed," But Beca sounded much more like a pouting child than a sex proud woman. "Aren't you worried about ants or - something - getting on you?"

Chloe lifted her head, already stretching toward the ground, "Tell you what, if I notice any on you I'll throw you into the pool and give them a nice summer swim, okay?"

"Gee thanks." Beca sat and frowned at her, knowing there was no way she could stretch like Chloe was.

"You have to at least try."

"Fiiiine."

It turned out, when she could figure out the breathing the stretching actually felt pretty good. She refused to try anything that lifted her body completely off the ground, watching with her mouth hanging as it did every day when Chloe pushed herself up with ease. Eventually Chloe gave up her own stretching and instead came around behind her to help push her into the poses, softly explaining as they went. It would have been – distracting - if Beca hadn't felt like an awkward piece of wood or a metal pole next to her. The constant banter and teasing helped too.

"Okay, so make sure your hand is planted."

"It's planted." Beca laughed when after a second Chloe gave her an expectant look.

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"Okay, good. Then what we're going to do is take our left leg and slowly swing it out, like this. See? We're going to go from our open triangle into a half moon, really make sure your chest is open."

Beca watched, as Chloe easily lifted her leg and brought it high into the air behind her. "Dude. No way."

"What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_? There's no way my body is going to move like that. No one's body should move like that! You're crazy!"

Chloe laughed, and like a total freak her chuckle did not change her stance at all, "You'll never know until you try."

"I also know that I can't hold my breath for fifteen minutes but I'm pretty sure I'm going to just let that one slide."

"You really going to let me out do you here, Bec?"

"What? Since when is this a competition?"

Chloe stuck out her tongue.

"Fine, but when I get broke, you're going to have to wait hand and foot on my ass."

"With pleasure."

She made it another few poses before she stopped them again, watching Chloe crouch low, literally turning herself into an elongated pretzel which Chloe inexplicably called 'eagle pose'.

"Nope, okay, no, this is where I draw the line."

"Afraid you're going to get stuck like this?"

"Yes. See. Finally we understand each other. If you can get out of that again then I will be impressed."

"Hmmm, just wait until you see this."

Beca stared, incredulously, "So did Gumby fight when you took his body? I mean, how do you do that?" Beca groaned as she made a sad, sad attempt at what Chloe was doing and ended up falling on her ass.

"I do it every day. I have for years."

"Yeah but whyyyyy?"

" _Why_ do you smoke?"

"Because I like it and it's fun and relaxing."

"Well, there you go."

She liked this back and forth teasing; it made her feel silly in a way she didn't often feel.

"Speaking of smoking -"

"Hey! No smoking until we're done!"

"Yeah but," she popped up and took a calculating step backward, enjoying the sparkle in Chloe's eye, the one that had always meant fun was on the way, "I'm thinking -"

"Becaaaa-" Chloe shot her a warning glare.

"That it might be time -"

"Don't do it!"

"To get a cigarette!" She turned on her heels, starting quickly toward the condo, letting out a surprised yelp and starting to run when she realized that Chloe was coming after her. "I've done enough! I've done enough!" she cried as she reached the table.

"There's never enough! I'm not done with you! Get back here!"

Squealing Beca grabbed the pack, only to feel Chloe slam into her, "Nooo, gimmie!" she cried, holding the pack straight out in front of her, "you're infringing on my human rights!"

Chloe wrapped around her back, laughing in her ear as she reached for the pack as well, "Gimmie! No unhealthy things until the healthy things are over! _Do your cardio, Beca_!" Chloe mockingly cried.

"Nooo! Shut up, Aubrey-Bot! I will do no vertical running! Gaaah!" she cried as with little effort Chloe leapt onto her back, leveraging herself and reaching further. "I'll never surrender! Nooo, what the frak, stretch arms?!"

Chloe's thighs clenched tightly around her hips, pushing herself all the taller, her fingers closing around the pack, "I will - have - victory - yes! Victory to the masses! Boo-ya!" Chloe was about to hop down but Beca caught her arm over her shoulder, pulling it against her and trying to finagle it back, "No! No! No!" She flew off, jumping a few feet away and unceremoniously shoving the pack into her bra. "Ha!"

Neither were thinking about it, the comradery as natural as air. They had been silly like this a million times. It was just - like breathing.

"What, you think I won't go in there after them?" Beca gasped, hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath.

"Nope."

"Oh yeah?"

There was a flash of momentary uncertainty across Chloe's face before they were both running again.

Beca was on her back in a second, "See – how - you - you like - being - climbed on!" She wrapped herself around her and reached down her tank top but Chloe was having none of that, she twisted fast but instead of throwing Beca off she lost her balance and they both went sprawling to the grass, Chloe landing on top of Beca with a resounding _thud_.

"Oh god," Beca wheezed, the wind thoroughly knocked out of her. "Jesus fuck. I'm dying."

"Oh my god! Are you," Chloe didn't get to finish because Beca was on her, flipping her over and sitting on her hips. With a smirk she reached and pulled the cigarette pack out from the underside of the bra, ignoring the smooth skin of Chloe's stomach - for the good of all mankind - pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it.

"Oh, you suck!" Chloe gasped, winded.

"I win!"

And then Beca was somehow on the ground, having been vaulted from her sitting place, her legs tangled with Chloe's.

She let out a grunt and gave in, flopping. "I hate you."

"No, you don't!" Chloe grinned, pulling the cigarette from between her lips and smashing it out in the grass.

"Hey!"

With a grin and a smack to Beca's thigh Chloe was up, leaning in far too close as she mockingly said, "'hey' is for horses" and took off inside.

"You are not Amy, you do not get to say that!" Beca cried after her, rubbing at her sore side.

Totally worth it.

 

****

 

It took her a second to clear her head once she was in the air conditioning of the kitchen. Rubbing her hand across her stomach absently she looked around; she had come in here for something, hadn't she, but what was it? She huffed, still a bit breathless and a bit wired.

That had been fun. She hated the smoking but that had been a lot of fun.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Hmm?"

"You look all confused. That fall knock something loose?"

Chloe rolled her eyes, giving her a slight shoulder push.

"Heeey! Abuse. I'm gonna call the abuse police."

She let out a snort, "I'll give you something to call the police about!" Apparently pizza and yoga did wonders. She would have to keep that in mind, though, to be fair it had been _amazing_ pizza...or maybe it was just her obvious and open success that had been amazing.

"You don't want to do that, Chlo! Look at my face! I think they might believe me over you!"

Oooh, it wasn't something they should laugh about but she did, shaking her head and laughing until she had to lean over the counter to catch her breath.

"Careful now, you already broke something." Beca sighed dryly, scooting behind her, placing a hand politely on her hip as she went by.

Chloe let out a quick yelp and straightened.

Okay, what had that been?

What was wrong with her? Why did it feel like her skin was on fire, like there was a low level hum of electricity covering her body? She needed a shower, that summer sun was just a little too much for her.

Maybe she _had_ broken something in that fall.

She kind of wanted to jump back on Beca's back though. Only, she couldn't think of any reason to keep the silly wrestling match going.

"You okay?"

"What?" she gasped, a bit breathless, "Yeah! Err, totes! I need a shower though!"

This had been a thing lately, something strange would set her off and she had no idea what it was or why but everything felt - strange.

She wasn't sure if Beca's mood was going to stay or if she was going to swing back to crabby and offish again, doing her best to shut the door on Chloe. She was pretty sure that even if Beca tried, she had managed to wedge her foot in so that it couldn't close all of the way, something she was quite proud of thank you.

The shower did seem to settle her a little bit, clearing her head.

Strange.

She headed downstairs and debated over a cup of coffee for a minute before pouring a glass of juice instead.

She had finished her last book the day before but she didn't really feel like dealing with the heat or the traffic to get herself another one. Perhaps she would order something to be delivered to the condo. She knew Beca loved her delivery service, and was constantly ordering things to be delivered a few hours later; everything from food to toilet paper. Perhaps she would try that.

She spent a moment browsing through Amazon but lost her train of thought when her phone began to buzz on the table. She didn't know what she wanted and she wasn't sure she felt like scouring through hundreds of books right now. She clicked on the small Facebook icon then realized she really didn't want to be on social media either.

Hmm, she felt her mind drifting, playing over Beca's cheerful, playful cries of 'I've done enough'. It had been so easy to slip into their old playful jokes, it had felt only natural to climb up her in order to gain leverage, just like it seemed as though it had only felt natural for Beca to attempt to reach right into her bra for the hidden object.

She had no idea what she was doing, she hadn't even realized she was taking herself to the site but suddenly her mind clicked into gear and she realized what she was looking at.

She wasn't considering moving, not exactly - not at all - and yet here she was, scrolling through Craiglist apartment listings.

She couldn't, she couldn't just up and leave Nick, that wasn't right.

But…it was interesting to think about.

Would she even want to move here? Maybe it would be fun to pick up and go somewhere totally new where she didn't know anyone. But Emily was here and - maybe she could go back to Georgia and be close to Aubrey or maybe even, if she _really_ wanted to, she could go back to Ithaca and be near her parents.

The phone calls from Nick had been slowly trickling off, something that both scared her and was hugely relieving.

If he stopped calling she would stop getting the constant reminder of this thing in her life that needed to be solved but at the same time, if he stopped calling then she knew one day soon she would need to gather the courage and call _him_.

The things that she was seeing on this site were not encouraging either. She knew that L.A. was expensive but she had no idea just _how_ expensive.

Wow!

This was - wow.

2 bedroom/ 2 bath for _$3000_ in West Hollywood

1 bedroom/ 1 bath for _$1480_ in Van Nyes

2 bedroom/ 2 bath for _$1975_ in Sherman Oaks

"Oh god," 1 bedroom/ 1 bath for _$2450_ in Westwood

She didn't even know where these places were! Their house in Henderson was a 3.5 bedroom/ 4.5 bath _house_ and their mortgage was only $1100.

Oh god, _$1100_!

She was basically a music teacher at her best, there was no way - even if she also taught yoga – even if she found more than one job - there was no way.

Okay. There was no need to panic.

This wasn't even something she was considering.

She had just been curious.

1 bedroom/ 1 bath for _$2395_ on West Sunset

It was okay. This _wasn't_ something she was freaking considering. It didn't matter.

L.A. was a great place to visit, not a great place to live.

2 bedroom/ 2 bath in for _$1300_ in Tarzana

Was she wheezing? Why was she wheezing, this was silly. She anxiously shook out her hands, fiddling with them as she scanned the screen.

The cold clamp was beginning, wrapping itself around her ribs, making her fists ball. Her heart hammered in her chest like the pounding of a mallet and she couldn't - what the hell was wrong - she couldn't - she tried to take a deep breath but her chest just whistled. This was not that big of a deal. Oh god. Where was her purse? She stumbled ever so slightly, shuffling through it and pulling out the small paper bag she had stashed there, breathing into it as subtly as she could so as not to alert Beca.

Why was she even doing this? It didn't matter. She had a gorgeous home - in Henderson - with her _husband_ \- and her empty nursery - and her 'studio' - and soon his love child.

Oh god.

She stood, shaking out her head and her hands, anything she could move to release the growing tension.

She knew she was a little trapped. She didn't have any of her own money, not in over a year. Of course, Nick wouldn't leave her stranded, but then again, with a baby on the way - and she hadn't been employed in so long! What was she qualified for? Singing? Teaching singing?

Oh god.

Who went to school to learn to sing? What had she been thinking?!

Okay, breathe, just - just take a breath - _breathe_!

She could feel it escalating. Where had she dropped that bag? Why had she dropped that bag? She was looking at the floor but she couldn't seem to see it. She couldn't see anything; she was too busy seeing everything. Who could pick out the pattern of the floor from the shape of the counter or the chair?

God, what would it be like once Jenny had her baby? Would they live there the four of them like one big weird commune?

What about when -

"Chlo? You okay? What happened? Is this a real one or is this-"

Chloe hadn't even heard her come in. She tried to respond but all she did was wheeze, her hands flailing in Beca's general direction.

"Okay, fuck! Uh, okay, shit I don't have any bags." Somewhere far from her she could hear drawers opening and closing, "God, if there was ever proof that we haven't been friends it's that. How do I not have any-"

"Floor," she squeaked and a second later the bag was covering her face.

She grasped it, sucking hard, trying not to claw at the hands handing it to her in order to press it tighter. She was better than this! She had learned how to stop this from happening! What was wrong with her?

"Slow, sloooow, remember? What's going on?"

Chloe just shook her head. She couldn't breathe, it was getting worse! Panicked, she needed to move, too uncomfortable to stay still. She was dizzy.

She could feel Beca close beside her and reached, her hand closing like a vise around an appendage.

"Look at me." Her chin was pulled and she narrowed in listening to the calm, matter of fact voice, "Tell me. Get it out so I can help."

She shook her head again, knowing if she didn't slow down she would rip through her only bag.

"Okay, okay, come here."

Arms closed around her shoulders, pinning her in place. For a second everything doubled and she nearly clawed her way out by any means necessary but then they clamped down, squeezing her hard.

Beca had done this a thousand times, she knew exactly where to wrap her arms, where to hold, how much pressure. Aubrey had never been able to get it completely right. Maybe she had always just been too tall.

It took a few minutes for the spell to break but finally the vice in her chest loosened and she dragged in a slightly deeper breath and then another that was even deeper until she could drop the bag and let her head rest on the shoulder in front of her.

"Fuck," She hiccupped out a whimper.

"That was - that was a bad one."

Chloe didn't answer but instead grabbed at Beca as she started to move away.

"Whoa! Okay! Okay, I'm not - I'm not leaving."

She was exhausted but at least the panic to get a deep breath covered the thoughts.

"Dude, are you looking at _Vermont Vista_? You can't look at Vermont Vista, you'll get _shot_!"

Instantly Chloe's breath started to pick back up again.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Chloe just squeezed her eyes closed, burying her face in Beca's neck, holding the opposite side as though pulling on it meant she could bury her face deeper.

"Does that still happen a lot?"

"No. Things have just been…"

It took a long time but finally she pulled her face out of her hiding spot.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head, her wet eyes blinking and staring resolutely across the room.

"Okay." Beca eyed her, "I didn't have anything I'm doing. You uh, you want to sit down and watch something?"

"Um, sure."

She followed Beca back to the living room, feeling - stupid - and so uncomfortable. That was always so embarrassing. She was so good these days at shutting that down, she had worked with a therapist for years so what had just happened?

Beca took a seat at the other end of the couch, curling into the U-bend of the sectional and clicking on the TV.

She didn't feel - She knew that - a few years ago -

"I can see that look on your face."

"What look?" Chloe jumped, "I don't have a look."

"I remember the drill, Chlo."

"I don't have a look!"

Beca turned her eyes on her, waiting and Chloe had to look away.

Okay, so all she wanted was to crawl back into Beca's arms. She felt like a shaking silly mess. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"What? Sure you do."

She paused, knowing her fingers were still shaking and giving her away. Beca's teasing didn't help. She didn't want to make her uncomfortable but she did want…

Finally, with a quick sigh she gave in. Beca was already twisted around on her back so Chloe could sprawl against her chest. The moment she settled in she had to stifle back a groan, relief, pleasure and security stirring up instantly. She wrapped her arms around her ribs without even thinking about it.

"Better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

She could feel the tension in Beca's body but Beca just clicked on the episode.

She really was an amazing friend.

 

* * *

 

 

The thing was - once Chloe had those kind of cuddles again, the super deep, put you into a drooling afternoon sleep kind of cuddles - she wanted them again.

So that night instead of sitting on the opposite side of the couch she found herself sitting a bit closer, just beside Beca.

It wasn't because she hadn't finally pushed the anxious thoughts away, but simply because she could smell Beca on her tee shirt and she wanted more.

Beca didn't seem to notice, as a matter fact when she got up to get herself a drink she flopped back down, her legs under her, her knee atop Chloe's.

She had been forced to bite her cheek to hide her smile.

When she decided to call it a night she let her arms wrap around Beca from behind, giving her a quick hug. Beca had jumped ever so slightly but Chloe had been gone before she could protest.

The next morning they did yoga together again and while it didn't turn into a battle for the cigarettes, it did turn into a giggle fest as Chloe gave up stretching at all and just helped Beca do hers, running her hand over her back, down her arms, over her legs.

It was - absolutely wonderful.

It was as though she had been on a filter since June, not allowing herself to _be_ herself with Beca. She...well, she liked touching her, hugging her, laying on her, she always had and if possible she liked it more since her absence from her life.

She knew she was pushing it and she could feel the mild resistance but she didn't mind. Each gentle nudge to Beca's wall made it give just a little bit more, letting Chloe scoot a little closer to the comfortable place they had once known. It was exactly how she had done it before and it was exactly how she was going to get in again.

The thing was - something was different now. She couldn't put her finger on it. It was as though each casual touch was loaded, filled with the tension of two years without it, she supposed.

They would push through.

"Bec?" It was midafternoon but she had no idea what Bec was up to in there, her skill level and definitely her equipment had far exceeded her knowledge of Beca's hobby.

She headed up the stairs anyway, plate in hand, hoping she wasn't interrupting something important or breaking her concentration. She could hear a smooth, rhythmic beat coming from the huge headphones covering Beca's ears.

Oooh, she liked that. She had leaned over to simply leave the lunch on the table so as not to interrupt the flow but changed her mind.

"Hey." She softly touched her shoulder pleased when Beca didn't jump, simply looked up.

"Hey."

"What is that? I like it."

"EZ just sent it to me, it's what he and P.J. have been recording."

"They're recording without you?"

"Yeeeaaah." Beca clicked her tongue, "I'm really excited about that too." She pulled out her headphones and turned the track back on. "I don't know, I just, I don't like it." She frowned hard as her fingers slipped over the keys and knobs, "I don't know, I don't have the same equipment I would have if I could go into work but P.J. still says no."

"You're on time out, Bec. You'll get ungrounded soon enough." She pushed a strand of hair behind Beca's ear.

Beca let out a small laugh, but it was clear she was too preoccupied for the joke so Chloe set down her plate and pulled herself onto the empty section of the desk, watching.

Chloe couldn't have said she understood what she was talking about, in truth; she was completely distracted by Beca's hands. She watched the way they moved with a precise elegant certainty, tweaking this and sliding that as she spoke, explaining exactly what it was that seemed wrong with the track.

Chloe could see knowledge in them, the confidence that given the chance she could tease something great from the board.

She had always loved to watch her mix, loved the way her face smoothed, the way her eyes moved as she found the spot she loved to exist in.

She had lived for it, really, sometimes she came over post college just because she knew that Beca would be mixing.

Apparently watching her work was even better. She seemed so tiny beside the giant board and yet, she was the master of this universe.

Chloe bit her lip as Beca fell silent, starting the track over and doodling some more.

It was fascinating to watch her, exciting.

She licked her lip, her eye narrowing a bit as Beca frowned, shaking her head at herself, mumbling and rewinding the track a few seconds.

What was it that was so invigorating about watching someone in their element?

"I don't know, you hear how it kinda does that 'whoomp, whoomp, whoomp' thing there? P.J. is really into that but I dunno, I just can't get my head around it. It's so, I dunno - what, what's wrong?"

Chloe jumped, releasing her lip, "What?"

"Is it that bad?"

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?"

Chloe frowned, "Nothing's wrong. Um, I made you lunch!"

"You did?" Beca gave her a smile and a quick knee rub.

Chloe's frown deepened as she watched the spot, feeling it cool. "Um, yeah,"

"Oh my god, I'm so hungry, that's awesome."

"Good! Eat up!" Chloe grinned, sliding off the table and moving quickly from the room.

Chloe did her best not to keep her mind on Beca upstairs for the rest of the afternoon but strangely it kept coming back to her. That night when Beca threw her legs over Chloe's for the first time she thought of it again. She went to bed and she knew she was thinking about it, wondering what it was that drew her so much. It was amazing to see her like that, so confident. She supposed that was all it was. She had always loved Beca's confidence, her general badassery. It had made her proud to call her a friend.

That was still one of her favorite moments in her life, the moment she learned that Beca Mitchell wasn't just a misunderstood rebel with a heart but a true, honest to god badass.

She hadn't known her all that long at the time but she would never forget the way her mouth dropped open in shock as she watched Beca cross the empty pool and turn on her then future ex-boyfriend, words pouring from her mouth in such rapid succession that it had stunned Chloe into silence, unable to even grasp what song it was she had been singing. It had been awesome, totally hot in a way. She hadn't been the only one stunned that way either, her stomach suddenly tight, her body frozen, all of the Bellas, no, the entire pool had been knocked unconscious by her rap. It hadn't been until Amy stepped forward that they had remembered to sing. I mean, she hadn't exactly been looking around at the time but she was pretty sure they had all been right there with her.

Chloe had been just a second behind everyone else the entire song, thoroughly impressed with her best friend. That had also been the first time she had seen it, the Beca face, the most badass of them all. She had watched as they all surrounded her, backing her up and she had seen a moment of cocky delight, Beca's hands going out as her head began to pop, bouncing in place. Everything about her read that she _had_ this and she was going to lay it down.

It had been one of the single most alluring moments Chloe had ever seen.

Beca had been _the shit_ that night and it had been epic, so much fun.

And then, when Chloe thought it couldn't get any better, Beca had single-handedly taken control of the entire empty pool. It had been infectious, making her dip whether she wanted to or not, dancing as she watched Beca do her thing.

It had been awesome and while the look on her face today hadn't been the same, there had been that same underlying Beca badass.

Chloe yawned, trying passively to rub away the butterflies in her lower belly. That had been her best night with Tom too, the energy from her friends that night - she had gone completely wild on the guy. Basically, all around that night had been awesome.

And...


	13. Chapter 13

"Oh – _ahhh,_ oh god, ye- oh-"

Chloe's eyes popped open and she cringed into the morning light. It took her a second to take in her current state, baffled as to how she had gotten into that position. Her legs were tangled in the blankets, one hand clutching tightly at the sheets below her, the other pressed over her heart; her forehead was sweaty and try as she might she couldn't get a deep breath, like she had just run a marathon.

She had woken up like this before. Nick always told her that it seemed like she was having some sort of break dancing street fight in her dreams - which - was pretty far off from what they actually were.

She relaxed, trying to remember exactly what it was that she had been dreaming about but was coming up empty. She couldn't remember, actually she couldn't even remember falling asleep. She had been so tired lately.

Goodness, it must have been stressful, though. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. Maybe stressful was the wrong word.

Ugh, her body felt electric. She needed a shower. Though what was the point? She knew that she would just get sweaty again the moment she went outside for a run.

It was early but despite that she wanted to get moving, needed to get moving.

She pulled herself up and threw on her running clothes, her stomach tight, feeling pressure between her shoulder blades and in her belly.

She knew this feeling, she didn't feel it often, not in any of her three lives - or perhaps it was four now - but she knew it. Whatever her dream had been, it had been good - she needed that run.

But somehow when she returned she didn't feel much better. It was as though she had put her skin on backward this morning and it didn't quite fit, every brush against her felt a little too intense. Aggravated she tossed her mat down outside and began her yoga, working up quite a sweat by the time that Beca woke.

"You didn't wait for me?"

"Sorry. Got up a little early."

Beca surveyed her for a moment, "You okay?"

"What? Yes." She snapped, pushing herself further into the bend, "Sorry, just a little grumpy." She looked up to give her a smile and noticed, with slight aggravation, just how tiny Beca's shorts really were.

Gay.

That was a gay thought, wasn't it? How had she never noticed those before?

"Can I help?"

"Nope," she said quickly.

"Okay then. Um. You know Hunny is coming back for a few days tomorrow, right?"

"Yup."

"Okay...just thought I would remind you." Beca turned and started back inside.

It took Chloe a second to notice where she was staring and when she did she groaned, flopping onto her butt with a thump.

Something was wrong with her.

Really.

She rose but instead of picking up her things and following her friend inside, she dove head first into the pool.

 

The dip helped. A lot.

"Unconventional bathing suit," Beca called from the couch when she finally entered. "I wouldn't make a - whoa! Dude! Where are your clothes? Did the pool monster eat them?"

Chloe paused, frowning into confusion, "What?" Then her eyes rolled, "They were going to drip everywhere!"

"You're dripping everywhere now!"

"Oh." She looked down at the small puddle at her feet, "Oops." Then she cracked a grin, "You've seen me in less than my underwear, Bec! What's wrong, turning your head?" She was only teasing but she loved the embarrassed groan that Beca gave her back.

"You're turning - something - alright," Beca grumbled.

"Careful, this is really comfortable in this heat. I might make a habit of it." She pretended to think about it for a second, "Yeah, I think I could get used to this."

"I a- urm - my - phone is - ringing."

Chloe grinned, starting toward the stairs, "No, it's not!"

"Shutup!"

By midafternoon Chloe's sour mood was forgotten, thankfully, though she let Beca come down from the studio in search of something to eat this time. She also stayed clear of Craigslist and the internet altogether. Instead, she sprawled out on the couch with a movie, dozing and enjoying the cool AC.

"HERKKKK,OH GOD! GODAMNITBEC!"

"Ohh, did I get you in the stomach?"

Chloe just groaned, rolling Beca to the floor.

She fell and then laughed, settling against Chloe's propped up shins, "Whatdya watching?"

"Um-" she looked up to see a totally different movie playing, "I was watching - hmm, I must have fallen asleep."

"Oh shit, you were asleep?"

"It's not funny, you jerk!" Chloe cried, suddenly wrenching her legs open so Beca fell between them with a crash.

"OW! God! Asshole! Falling on you is not comfortable!"

"Mmmm."

"Whatever, Yoga Jones."

"Who?"

Beca flipped around, her eyebrows high, "Yoga Jones? 'Orange Is The New Black'?"

Chloe just shook her head.

"Dude, if you're gonna be a lesbian then you gotta watch 'Orange Is The New Black'."

"Oh yeah? Is it a requirement?"

"...Yes!"

"Alright, I'll have to check it out then."

"Dude - how do you - holy shit! I'm almost impressed that you've gone this long without hearing about the show!"

"I live in Henderson! What's it about?"

Beca bit her lip and Chloe felt herself automatically do the same in response, "Candy."

"What?"

"Come on, help me make dinner."

"It's dinner time? How long was I asleep?"

"Forever."

They talked easily as they prepared the food and then sat at the table, something they rarely did.

"So Bec, I've been meaning to ask you, have you talked to Emily recently?"

"Mmm," Beca nodded around a mouthful of food, "I think I have her convinced that she can come over here without ruining her sobriety."

"Oh, that's good! Though, I don't really think it's you she is worried about."

"No, and I think she's probably right that Hunny will be a little weird about it, she's always a little weird when one of our friends joins A.A or N.A."

"That doesn't bother you? I think Emily should be proud of herself, she caught herself before she got too far out of control. That's amazing."

"Oh yeah, totally. I think Hunny..."

"Hmmm. I see."

"I dunno. But anyway, I'm going to see if she wants to get dinner or something soon."

"Can I come?"

"Uh yeah, of course."

They fell silent, preoccupied with their food until Beca cleared her throat a little uncomfortably.

"So does that mean you're staying then? If you're - coming - so then - staying?"

Chloe looked up and saw Beca purposely avoiding her eyes. Was that because she was pleased or because she was disappointed? She took a deep breath but - what did she say? "I don't know. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, totally, that's totally okay to say, yeah." Beca spoke quickly, "I mean, you're welcome here as long as you need, of course, and all of that um, biz, but you know, we haven't really - talked about it, you know Nick or what we're doing or, um, and all of that."

"I know. I'm sorry, I've been avoiding it myself."

"I don't blame you. It kind of sucks."

"I guess so. No, of course, yes, it does. But I kinda wonder-"

"What?"

"Well, I couldn't have been the best wife to him."

"The whole gay thing?"

"Mm-hmm."

"That doesn't give him permission, Chlo."

"Oh, I know that."

A smirk swept across Beca's face, "What do you think his mom did when she found out?" Beca had met Marcy three or four times now but it - it never went well. Marcy didn't 'approve of Beca's style' and Beca thought Marcy was 'a bitch'.

Chloe let out a snort, "I have to assume it was colorful. _If_ he has even told her yet."

"Do you think she'll send the secretary away like they did in the 40's? Like, have her disappear all Mafia style and then have her come back a year later with the baby of a distant relation?"

Chloe laughed, finishing up her plate, "She _is_ kind of young."

"Chlo! The year before last she wasn't even a legal drinker - dude, have you thought about that? She wasn't legally allowed in bars."

"Oh ew!"

"I'm telling you. Cliché." Beca rose, taking their plates and giving her a wink.

"Oh, it is, isn't it? Ugh. Gross."

"He just needs a sports car and a penis pump."

Chloe scowled, ew.

"Does he have a thing for the young ones?"

"No, not necessarily, I mean, not that I've seen. I think that they were just around each other at work all the time and…"

"What does she look like, anyway?"

"Oh," Chloe rose, brought their cups to the sink and began washing them, "you know. Young. Pretty. Kinda hot."

"Chloe."

Chloe smiled when she felt Beca's chin rest on her shoulder, staring her down at a very close range, "You're young. You're pretty. You're hot. Don't say it like that; like she is and you're not." Beca left to grab the last things from the table, leaving Chloe to smile down at the suds.

"Ugh, you know what I have stuck in my head? You remember that song you used to sing like all of my senior year? I haven't thought about that in years until you showed up. It's not fair. I was kinda okay with, you know, never thinking about it again. Ever."

Chloe grinned and softly started singing, knowing just how much Beca loved to hate that song.

"Nooo, now it's going to be even more stuck in my head. You're a dick. Just in case you were curious."

Chloe began to bounce in time, tossing teasing glances over her shoulder as she sang.

"Nooooo!"

"Oh come on, Bec, you know the words."

"Nope. I forgot them."

"Liar." She gave her a scowl and grinning back Beca rolled her eyes, picking up where Chloe had left off.

"Ha!" She let out a giggle, shuffling back and forth in front of the sink, her bare feet sliding easily.

She didn't know how it happened, she never knew how it happened when it came to singing but soon they were both bouncing around the room, singing their hearts out. They didn't even need to think about it. Chloe finished up the dishes and moved on, covering the leftovers and jumping in place as she sang. It was such a simple, uncomplicated kind of happy here.

Ugh and there it was again, that I'm-such-a-badass-I'm-totally-the-shit face that Beca got when she sang, especially when she knew she was killing it, which - she was.

She always killed it.

Chloe loved it.

Why didn't she sing more?

Turning to wrap the bread Beca took the lead, her hips swaying as she finished up and moved on to wiping the counter down.

Chloe watched, rolling her hips, enjoying the laughter in Beca's voice. Her hand went to her stomach, feeling that pressure again, that rushing. Beca sent her a challenging look over her shoulder, that flash of blue dancing with mischief and slowly, like smoke from a cigarette tip, something began to unravel within her.

Her voice picked up and suddenly they were dancing. Chloe wasn't exactly sure how she got over there, wasn't sure exactly when she decided to close the distance between them, but she grabbed Beca, hugging her to her, pleased when Beca didn't pull away. She gave her a tight squeeze and they began to move, laughing easily as Beca slipped into a deep bass that she could absolutely not hit.

It wasn't a big deal; they had danced together like this a million and a half times, rocking in opposite directions, sliding back and forth over one another.

She heard Beca's voice hitch, her note going slightly sour for just a second when Chloe's hands landed on her hips. Chloe ignored it, holding tightly and moving her.

Beca changed the song, in typical Beca fashion, clapping and shaking her ass as the song dictated. Chloe caught on to the change immediately meeting the beat with her, their dancing growing tighter, closer, dipping low, her hips following Beca's little booty shake like a magnet.

They fit.

So well.

They came back up in a roll and there was a noticeable crack in her voice, making her laugh as Beca pressed hard, her voice a bit winded from the dancing, her back tight against Chloe's front, rocking. Each sway, each grind, and pop sending a bolt of dizzy, red wanting through her, straight to her brain, detaching it from its stem and leaving it to free float.

This had become...something more...hadn't it?

She pulled her closer, her hand sliding to the small of Beca's belly. They had done this before too; fun sexy moments that were exactly that. No big deal. It was too good to stop, anyway.

Her heart was pounding everywhere, through every breath of her body, every pore, every cell. She could hear their fast breathing after their little dance session and the sound made her realize they had stopped singing at some point. Her hands were still clutching, one on Beca's hipbone while the other held her to her, and they were still tight against one another but they had stopped dancing, now they were just softly rocking - moving together - and they had stopped singing.

Beca looked over her shoulder at her, grinning her huge grin and Chloe just watched her eyes sparkle with laughter, dazed.

Something was happening, something that shouldn't; she was pretty sure anyway.

She watched Beca's smile, the way Beca's chest was quickly rising and falling and felt a sliver of embarrassment about how fast her own was coming, especially when Beca's wide eyes began to dart, taking in her face.

Her teeth closed down on her own lip as she watched Beca slowly wet her own.

She didn't feel her neck moving, descending, she didn't even notice it was happening until suddenly a small, hiccup of a moan escaped Beca's throat.

Chloe's eyes popped open, and she saw just how close she was, her face a moment away from Beca's about to - do something she could not do. She saw Beca's face; the way her eyes had closed, could feel Beca's fast breath on her lips, could see her hand reaching as though ready to tangle in Chloe's hair.

Instantly she pulled back, another scene flashing before her - Beca's face at the riff off, her cocky dancing swagger. A bolt of lightning went through her and for a second she wondered.

She let out a high laugh, stepping away, trying not to notice that Beca almost fell over when the body she had been pressed against was suddenly gone, "I need to pick up my cardio, I shouldn't be so out of breath. Do you remember that one that we used to sing when we were running?" Sher voice was high, her words muddled together.

It took Beca a second to respond but when she did she let out the same kind of laugh, "Yeah, totally. Um, okay, you ready for some awesome TV?"

"Let's do it!" Chloe cried, perhaps a little overly enthusiastic and gave her a high five so forceful that it made her hand burn. She plopped down on the couch, not thinking, there would be no thinking, not right now, not ever. She already lost her once, she couldn't be - there couldn't be an - she couldn't feel - she just got a little carried away and, her breath was still a little shallow and she wished it would stop. Because she did feel…in the pit of her stomach…she felt…how could she…since when did she…

"You ready?" Beca grabbed the remote, sitting across from her on the opposite side of the couch.

"Yup!" Chloe took a moment to pull up her hair, studying the floor. She couldn't. She couldn't, she couldn't, she _couldn't_. She couldn't lose her again for something so stupid!

"So there's two seasons right now but Neflix does this thing where they-"

Chloe pulled her legs up, trying to listen to Beca explain but though she tried, though she was - she was watching her speak and all she noticed was the way that Beca's lips moved, the way that they pulled back when she laughed, the way that they thinned and grew plump, the way her chin moved and exactly how near and yet so very far that they were. She tried to listen but her heart was still beating fast as she nodded along, Beca's words turning into white noise. She felt her tongue trace her own dry lip as her mind tumbled, watching Beca stretch, noticing the way her breasts pushed against her shirt as she did, seeing Beca softly scratch her neck and feeling that soft touch as though it was on her own body. Why hadn't her breathing slowed? She saw Beca let out a breathy laugh and she imagined – oh god! This couldn't be happening! Since when was this happening?

"Anyway, you sure you're ready?"

"Totes! Let's go!"

"Alright!"

She hadn't been ready.

Her jaw fell open as she watched the blonde and the brunette under the shower stream, their naked bodies coming together as their lips connected.

She had - she had never seen - anything like that.

Her whole body responded. Her thighs clamped together as she stared, her stomach gave a deep, resonating pooling jump, her mouth popped open and suddenly she was sure she could feel those hips in her hands again, feel the way they moved, remembering the push against the cloth when Beca stretched.

Oh god, she hadn't been ready.

 

****

 

She had no idea what she was saying, her thoughts weren't coherent at all; she just knew she was talking and talking and talking - but the TV was on so she must have said the right thing.

What the hell had that been?

She wasn't crazy, right?

That had been an almost-kiss.

THEY HAD ALMOST KISSED!

What the hell? She and Chloe didn't almost-kiss. Not ever. Not like that.

They had almost - and then her stupid horny body had stopped it with that stupid sound because you didn't even need to kiss her to make her moan these days apparently but they had almost kissed she wasn't crazy oh god that had actually happened fuck she needed a cigarette how had that almost happened who had done it was it her had she nearly kissed Chloe oh fuck oh fuck! She took a mental deep breath and then popped up, opening the patio doors and standing beside them, lighting a cigarette.

She didn't have a reason for standing by the door, Chloe had never complained about her smoking – well – not in so many words - but - standing good. Away. Standing away good. Standing meant not launching herself.

Her mind was reeling, what the hell?

Oh god, her whole body - turned on - crap - what the hell had that been? Some new gay attaching to the first gay they meet - thing? Probably…still...

But Chloe was constantly flirting with her.

Okay, that was stupid; Chloe had always flirted with her, that meant literally nothing. But then again - she had always been secretly gay too…

She scoffed at herself. Duuuude, don't do it. That was just one of those weird Chloe moments. Don't make it something it wasn't. Even if it was - totally fucking hot.

She felt like she was going to implode, her skin hot, her mouth dry. She poured herself a small drink and swallowed it as one. Her face. She couldn't stop seeing her face, the way she was biting her lip, the way her eyes had started to focus.

FUCK!

Ugh god! She let out a whole body spasm that she was thankful went unnoticed.

Actually, she was pretty sure that Chloe hadn't noticed her getting up - or much of anything. She hadn't moved since she sat down, she hadn't moved at all. Not even a twitch. And she was sitting very straight backed and proper.

She watched as Chloe's head tilted ever so slightly to the side as the blonde on screen did a dance for the raven haired beauty.

A thought popped into Beca's mind. Was this too much for her?

She had no experience, none at all.

Maybe -

As her best friend -

She should, you know, just help her gain a little bit.

Just kind of make out with her a little bit.

You know - for _her_ sake -

Like….now….

Could she handle that?

Could Beca handle that?

She supposed if it was for experience - she could - just - release her on a lesbian club - or maybe make out with her a little and then release her on a lesbian club - or maybe just -

Jesus Christ! She watched the couple come together in a moaning, panting, groping twist. Why the fuck had this freaking been what she decided to put on?

Fuck, she needed a fucking walk.

 

* * *

 

 

She didn't even know how much of the show they watched before they both had awkwardly excused themselves to bed with a quick, "Okay, goodnight."

She had no idea but she was dying.

It was just an almost-kiss, it wasn't that big of a deal.

She couldn't sleep.

She tried and she tried but instead she just stared up at the ceiling, pointedly not thinking about Chloe asleep in the next room.

God damn it!

She didn't understand but the more she thought about it, about the possibilities, the more she wanted. She wasn't allowed to want this but...she also wasn't allowed to have a near kiss with Chlo either.

She rubbed her legs together under her blankets, imagining.

Oh god, what was she going to do with herself?

Her hand absently passed across her stomach, fingers twitching; it wasn't as though these nights were new, nights of lying in bed, biting her lip and imagining those light pink lips moving across her belly button. She had become very familiar with the non-corporeal feeling of her imagined lips in college – and after – but -

Her phone gave off a small chime and, frowning, Beca grabbed it from the nightstand.

'Yo, if you're not dead to the world, I'm coming up. You better be awake for this here booty call, bitch.'

She wasn't exactly sure how she felt as she read Hunny's text, at least not at first. Her frown deepened, realizing she had hoped it was someone else.

Then she was up, speeding down the stairs and throwing open the front door.

"Heyyy-aaah!"

Beca had, in a very good Chloe impression, quite literally leapt on her, her lips on Hunny's, down her neck and back, her hands pushing up under Hunny's shirt and bra in a second.

"Miss me, huh?" Hunny laughed.

"No." She bit at the skin under her mouth, reaching around and closing the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

 

The look on Chloe's face when she saw Hunny the next morning would have been comical - if it had been funny and not riddled Beca's stomach with guilt.

Why did she care? Why did she feel guilty? A near kiss was exactly that, just a near kiss. It had been stopped for a reason, right?

"Hunny, you're back!" Chloe gave her a polite smile, "How is the shooting going?"

Beca didn't miss the way that Chloe walked around the kitchen like she owned the place and though she looked friendly enough, her smile wide and her eyes alight as usual, Beca also could see the slight tension in the corner of her lips. Chloe tossed a glance her way giving Beca heart palpitations and a thoroughly winded feeling.

"Great! Best season yet. O.M.G. Bex, you'll never guess who is sleeping with who this season."

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Uh-uh, you'll have to wait until it airs."

"Oh yeah? Um, yaaaay." Beca did her best to avoid Chloe's amused gaze, knowing she was the only person who she had told exactly how much she hated Hunny's TV show. It was just - it was _so stupid_! It was just a bunch of people fucking, fighting and getting drunk - she literally saw that every time she went to The Royal or out _anywhere_ with more than two lesbians at a time. _Why_ would you sit and watch a show about it? What was the point?

"So what are you up to today?" Hunny asked, turning her back on Chloe.

Chloe just shrugged and headed out to the backyard, pausing to give Beca a huge kiss on the temple.

Beca blinked a little stupidly for a minute. She used to do that all of the time but - errr - system error - system error. Don't think about her lips. Don't think about how out of breath she was, the way she had kind of been panting – like she would if - don't - stop it - Beca! - STAP!

"Uh, nothing really."

"So what?" Hunny asked in a whisper as soon as Chloe had left the room, "Did she move in? I really don't like this."

Beca scoffed before she thought, "I really don't care what you think, Hun." A look of pure war crossed Hunny's face so Beca backtracked, "No, she didn't move in but don't start acting like a jealous girlfriend now. You never wanted to be like that, I never wanted to be like that, let's not start now just because there's another ginger in my second bedroom."

"Fake ginger," Hunny grumbled, lighting a cigarette.

Beca laughed, "So because you have to dye it that means everyone does?"

"I do not!" Hunny gasped.

"Dude, you come over every few weeks smelling like ammonia. No judgment, but you definitely dye your hair."

"Okay _fine_."

"Plus, I've seen her naked and uh, yeah, she's a natural redhead."

"WHAT?"

But Beca was already running for cover, cackling.

The afternoon was awkward; exactly how it had been in the hospital. Hunny was all about lying beside the pool drinking and smoking, which she was doing in vast quantities. Beca joined her a bit but Chloe did not, instead she spent the afternoon in the kitchen, far from them, baking something that - Beca was fairly sure even _Chloe_ didn't know what it was supposed it be.

She really - she just wanted a few minutes to talk to her, ask her about the night before but then again - maybe she should take a cue from her and pretend it never happened. That was probably the best thing, right? Talking about it would just point out the discomfort.

Only - what if it had meant something? What if - she took a deep breath and let herself think - what if maybe she _did_ stand a chance now?

"Hey, Bex."

"Hmm?" she grumbled, halfway between reality and fantasy and happy to stay there.

"You should call Emily. I haven't seen her in forever."

"She's sober, Hunny."

"What? No! You're kidding!"

"Nope. Done a damn good job too. Kid's got skills."

"Well no wonder she's not answering my texts. Fucking shit, but she doesn't need to be sober, she was always fine."

"I think that's kinda up to her."

"Ugh." Hunny dipped under the water.

"You could be a little supportive, you know." Beca called once she was back up, "I mean, it's not easy and I know you don't like to party alone but she made a choice, right?"

"It's just stupid. She's going to be another one of those people who suffers through like a year of those stupid meetings before they realize that it's not for them."

It did happen, especially out here. Artists who felt that perhaps they needed to be a little more tortured and would convince themselves they had a problem. Only, Beca wasn't so sure that was true for Emily. She had never really thought about it, not in that way. It had always just been a fact; Emily and Hunny were the life of the party, the drinkers. But now that Emily had put a label on herself – 'alcoholic' – Beca could see it. This wasn't new. She had heard of the parties that Emily's Bellas had thrown. She had heard that Emily had liked to drink, even then. Hollywood – well it as a breeding ground for that type of thing, wasn't it? "Even if that's true, that's kinda her right. You gotta be supportive, Hun. Be a good friend and just let her do her thing. Plus, you know, what if there was a day that I decided to go dry? I would kinda expect you, as my friend, to be supportive so just think of Em as a test run."

"Don't you dare, Beca! Ugh, what is wrong with my women? I leave for five minutes and come back to pandemonium!"

"Okay to be fair, I think it's pandemonium we're trying to avoid, Hun."

Beca's phone started to vibrate.

New York? Who the hell did she know in New York? Was it a Bella?

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm looking for, er, _House Bex_?"

"Um, this is Beca?"

"Is that the same person as House Bex?"

"Um people - call me - that. Sometimes." For whatever reason. "I'm sorry who is this?"

"Oh, sorry! Hi Beca, do you mind if I call you Beca? I don't know if I can take anyone named 'House Bex' seriously."

"You go right on ahead and call me whatever you want." She didn't know who it was but if they were looking for 'House Bex' then P.J. probably sent them.

"Great. My name is Kendra, I'm with 'Moment One', I'm -"

Beca sat up straight, "Kendra as in _Kendra_ \- Kendra? 'Flashlight' Kendra?"

"Yeah, you remember me!" Was she kidding? "How are you doin', girl? We haven't spoken since you were in college."

Even then it had only been the once.

Kendra was - huge - she was like the second biggest client 'Moment One' had. Why the hell was she calling _her_? Kendra wasn't even local, she lived, oh yeah, she lived in New York. So it wasn't like she was looking for someone to take her out this weekend because she was bored.

Shit, did P.J. know she was calling her? "I'm good! I'm great! How are you? How's New York?"

"Far superior to L.A. in just about every way." They both took a second to laugh.

"Yeah well us Angels aren't supposed to like you New Yorkers either. Lucky for you I wasn't born here so I'll let that one slide."

"It's alright, the Yankees creamed the Angels last week so I can rest my case."

Beca grinned, she liked Kendra already. I mean, she was a little obligated since Kendra buying 'Flashlight' was the thing that got her the job she now had but she had always gotten a really cool down to earth vibe from the woman - the whole one time they had spoken. "So what can I do for you, Kendra? I'm surprised to hear from you. P.J. offer me up as a tour guide?"

"Yeah, so, about that."

Uh oh.

Beca quickly did a mental scroll, trying to think of some way that she could have messed something up. She supposed that the DUI hearing she had gone to a few days post hospital release had probably made her, let's call it a blunder, a bit more public. Did Kendra want to cut all ties with her? Were there any ties to cut?

"You know that I'm due back in California soon, correct?"

"Uh yeah, I had heard." She had actually planned pre- accident to try and meet her.

"Well I came back to speak with P.J. about the next album and I was very upset to see what the studio had become over the last few years. I mean, have you seen it there lately, girl? I walked in and it was like swimming through a cloud of weed and vodka."

Beca gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Uh-huh. Well. I've got thirteen months sober and I just, I couldn't hang there, you know? EZTeez is a great guy but he and I just don't have the same priorities anymore. I'm there to make music, you know? I love a good time, a little too much, but my last album could have gone platinum, only I was partying too much when I was recording and fucked it up."

"Uh-huh." God, this clean and sober thing was a thing right now, wasn't it? She didn't know if it could have gone _platinum_ per se, but it really could have been better; just a few things here and there that she had noticed.

"P.J. told me you're going to take over the second studio, the one that Anthony used to run waaaaay back when."

Beca's mouth popped open but nothing came out. He _had_? So then...not fired….maybe? Kinda? Or…maybe he had told her that pre accident…

"I was thinking, that when I come into town we could get together and maybe discuss some ideas I have."

Beca was on her feet and she hadn't even realized it, "As in, working together - you want to work together? On your next album?" She didn't mean like - cleaning out her car or running to get her food, did she?

"I would like to discuss it. I really liked your style. 'Flashlight' was _good_. I know you were working with another girl but I'm curious to see what else you got."

"Yeah! Are you kidding? Absolutely! That would be totally dope, I mean, um," She cleared her throat and tried again, "Yes, I would be happy to meet and discuss the album. Do you have a sample track ready?"

"Yeah, I can send it to you tonight."

"Yeah, please do and I'll take some notes before we meet."

"I know I'm not giving you a lot of time with this."

"That's okay. I'm good under pressure."

By the time they got off the phone Beca had a meeting set up and she was completely and totally speechless. "Wha- just - happe-whoaaa-holy shit."

"Hey Bex, I'm going to invite Jeremy over. He's got something for me."

Beca didn't hear her. She spent a few seconds nonverbally twitching in place before she spun on her heels and started inside, her hands frozen in the air as though if she kept holding them out they would eventually be able to grasp and hold what the fuck had just happened.

"Dude!"

"What? I'll clean up, I promise!" Chloe jumped, a small dusting of white falling from her cheek and curls.

"I have a meeting with Kendra."

"Kendra? As in 'Flashlight' Kendra?"

"Yeah." Beca said slowly, scratching her head and trying hard to force the thought to make any kind of sense, "She wants to talk about _her next album_."

"She wants you to do it?" Chloe was bouncing on her toes ever so slightly, looking like she was about to explode with excitement.

"Yeah?"

"OH MY GOD, BECA!" Chloe threw her arms around her, dancing them around in a circle, "That's amazing! You so deserve this!"

"I don't even - know - what is happening right now - like - did that just happen?"

But Chloe wasn't done cheering, holding her in a vise grip.

"This is so great! You're gonna rock this, Beca style."

"Beca style?" She laughed.

"Absolutely!"

"Oh my god, I feel like I can't breathe."

Chloe just grinned, resting her forehead against Beca's and giving her a quick nose bump and Eskimo kiss that sent aftershocks through every part of Beca's body and mind, "I'm _so_ proud of you!" Then she was back at the counter, mixing.

"I just - I don't know if I can do this."

"Is this something you want?"

"Are you kidding me? _Of course_ this is something that I want. I mean - holy shit, dude, holy freaking shit! This could make me – legit."

"Great! Then you can do it. I know you can. And I'll help, however I can. You got this."

Beca watched her sunny face in amazement; she could see pride shining off of her like gold dust, the simple happiness that Beca was happy.

She felt her stomach swirl, clenching as it tried to project the words she _knew_ she shouldn't say. Oh god, swallow it down, swallow it down. Things were more complicated now that Chloe was gay and - she knew - about - that former feelings thing. Beca couldn't say that anymore and have it pass off as something other than exactly what it was.

So instead she gave her a large smile, her thoughts drifting into sad waters as she watched her beam at her.

She just - she - just wanted to kiss her so badly. Just once. Just _one_ kiss. Just enough to express - "So what are you making? Wait, no, let me correct that, what are you _trying_ to make?"

"I was craving a popover." Chloe's lips twisted uncertainty as she eyed the mess with comical guilt and the feeling in Beca's stomach grew.

She had a meeting with a real artist, someone who just wanted to make music, and Chloe was here and - everything was alright.

Beca just smiled back.

"So what the hell just happened?" Hunny came stomping in, clearly agitated.

"We should celebrate tonight, Bec."

Beca grinned in response to Chloe. She hadn't taken her out anywhere but The Royal, had she? She should totally fix that.

"What – just - happened?"

"Err," she had just kind of left Hunny out there, hadn't she?

Oops.

She explained in quick words, surprised when Hunny was just as excited as Chloe had been and planted a huge kiss on her lips. "Thanks." She chuckled awkwardly. "Um, Chlo. It's kind of late in the day, I would have been there already if I had known but, I think the time has come. I need to go in. It's been a week."

Chloe sighed, "I think you're right. You nervous?"

"Yeah, a little, I'm not sure how-"

"I'll go with you! I'll drive us." Hunny interrupted.

Both brunette and redhead turned to her fast but it was Beca who said, "Are you sure you _can_ drive?" Hunny and her margaritas had been friends that morning.

"AAAACK GAWD, don't become one of those people, Bex!"

Chloe frowned.

"I'll get an Uber. Just let me shower first. I'll text EZ."

"No, Hunny, I'll call him!" Beca cried, annoyed. "He is - my freaking client," she grumbled, pulling out her phone before Hunny could. If she was going to be in the studio then she wanted to talk about that abysmal track.

"Heeey lil' mama, how's it healin'?"

"Consider me healed and having learned a valuable lesson. Just ignore the bruises."

"School of hard knocks baby, school of hard knocks."

"Right so, I'm heading into the studio. Can you meet me? I wanna talk about this track you've been working on without me."

"Shit is dope, right?"

"Uuuum, dunno, let's talk about it in a little while."

"Alright, alright, listen, I got some Oakland brothas in today and I'm gonna show 'em some of the sights, you in?"

"Any sight besides The Royal?"

"Why go anywhere when you got paradise on your hands in one place?"

"Riiight. Paradise. Um, just meet me at the studio and we'll talk."

"Yeah so, let's get real for a minute. You know, lil' mama, P.J., he's been treatin' me _real_ good."

Panic started in her chest. She _couldn't_ lose EZ, he was her ticket, her biggest client. Shit.

"He gets my style, ya dig? Brotha to brotha."

She knew what that meant.

She had always wanted a little more from him than he wanted to give; push through that track one more time, smoke one less joint. EZ didn't really want a _job_ , he didn't really want to _work_ ; he wanted a fun hobby that made him money.

"Well, meet me and we'll talk, alright? Don't make any decisions, cool?"

"Naw, no way. I'll be there."

Beca lit another cigarette, her mind losing focus. The elation she had just felt about Kendra was somehow diffused.

There was no way Kendra would want her if she didn't have any active clients. Plus, then P.J. would see he didn't need her and fuckkkk.

"Going out tonight?"

Beca looked up, uncertain, "Apparently."

 

****

 

What Chloe didn't understand was there was a call for a different type of life in the studio, that was clear, look at Kendra. But she could tell as she watched Beca mechanically slide off her chair and go get ready that Beca had just been called back to the world she had never officially left. Her face had been smooth since the accident; the stress lines morphing into laugh lines. Even when she had been listening to the track that P.J. had sent her she hadn't looked haggard or nervous, but one phone call to EZ and she already looked like she had been working nonstop for a month.

She could tell something had just happened but she wasn't sure what.

There was nothing she could do about it. This was Beca's job.

It was true that she wanted to. She wanted to ask Beca not to go to the club tonight; to _be_ the change that Beca said she wanted to see in her life but though she was here _for_ Beca, she knew she couldn't do that. Beca had to make that choice herself.

Not that she could talk about choices that needed to be made for a better life. Not at all.

She watched Beca and Hunny leave with a small smile, butterflies in her stomach.

She had a whole afternoon, possibly even all night as well, to herself.

Normally she liked alone time, time to just be with herself, to think, to read, but these days she had too much going on. She didn't like it.

She tried to keep herself occupied but slowly the thoughts started to creep in. There were too many these days, especially after the night before.

She tried to swim them off, tried to clean them away, tried to run fast enough that they couldn't catch her but with no luck.

Beca was hot.

Okay, she had always known that.

Literally always.

But she hadn't been thinking about that when she had taken Beca's hips and started dancing. She didn't know what she had been thinking. She hadn't been thinking. Then Beca had begun to wiggle, rubbing herself into her and making her feel things - that she had never once felt before.

She had wanted that kiss.

She couldn't deny that at all.

The thought of it, the thought of Beca's body against hers, it made her sweat and pace.

And...

She knew she was gay, okay? She knew it. She didn't have much to go on and yes it _had_ taken finding herself wrapped around another woman with a nipple in her mouth for the thought to finally occur to her - but she knew it was true.

That meant that she had the whole gay world to be attracted to. All gay women could be hers if she wanted them but last night as she had watched the women kiss and pet on screen - she had only been thinking of _one_ woman.

All she had wanted to do was reach across the couch and pull her to her.

The thought, it had been _so_ arousing; arousing in a way that was new, completely uncharted territory. It had made her twitch and twist, growing uncomfortably damp and – confused.

There was no hesitance like there was with Nick, no obligation, no worry, and there was no agitation like there had always been with Tom; just a burning desire that had spread through her like a wildfire.

And this couldn't _happen_.

This could not happen!

Beca was hot but there were plenty of other hot women in the world. She couldn't allow herself to be attracted to her.

She was her _best friend_!

You don't cross that line!

It wasn't right or fair.

Beca had loved her once, enough to cut her out of her life to avoid the pain.

She couldn't - she couldn't see her that way -

Oh my god, _when_ had everything in her life gotten to be _so_ complicated?

She tucked herself into bed late that night after having spent a few hours dozing on the couch and doing her best not to be worry-wart Chloe about the fact that she hadn't heard from Beca - about the fact that her thoughts centered mainly around Beca.

She tried to sleep. She could always sleep these days, always, and she had found herself doing it in some pretty strange places too but now that she wanted to simply wake up and have it be morning, she couldn't. Her phone went off and she was disappointed to see that it was Nick. For a moment her thumb hovered over the accept button, knowing that she had to talk to him eventually but instead she just put the phone back down.

She began to hum, soothing herself and eventually she started to nod off.

She wasn't sure what time it was when she woke but she was instantly nervous. She laid there quietly for a few minutes just listening to the sounds of the empty house.

You never realize how large a place is until you're alone in it. Maybe it was the sense of foreboding in her stomach but suddenly she couldn't remember if she had heard that creaking noise before on other nights.

Had the AC always been so loud?

Her head came up off the pillow as she could swear she heard a footstep on the stairs.

Oh my god, Chloe, you're an adult.

What was that?!

She let out a loud yelp as a huge crash from downstairs. Her groggy brain began to pick up, showing her images of robbers in black and white striped shirts, putting Beca's belongings into large bags with dollar signs on them.

A little freaked, she pulled herself from the bed, tiptoeing to the door. She could hear voices and felt a small smile of pleasure pop when she realized Beca was home. Oh, but with Hunny.

Boo.

Still, she skipped down the stairs and to the living room.

"Oh wow."

The words just popped from her mouth as she came around the corner and saw them all: Beca flopped on the couch, her feet hanging over the top while Hunny was trying to light a cigarette, stumbling back and forth, Emily sprawled face down on the floor. "Oh my god, Emily, are you okay?"

The girl's head popped up and she gave Chloe a one-eyed stare and a thumbs up, "Tripped. There's a table there. Everyone be careful!" she called, "There is a table - right there!"

"Ohhh, Emily, _nooo_!" A sliver of sadness passed as she realized they were drunk - all three of them, "You've been working so hard!" Chloe's arms crossed around herself as she watched Hunny snicker, nearly falling over again.

Beca's neck twisted around, the better to see their newcomer. "Heeeey, pretty lady!" She watched with mounting horror as Beca tried to right herself, looking like a turtle that had been flipped on his back and letting out an I'm-stuck squall. Finally Beca was up, having given up righting herself and flopped to the floor and started stumbling to her. "How was your night? What'd you do?" Beca wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in her neck and ugh, she reeked.

"Beca." She said mournfully, " _Emily_."

"Yeaaah! I found an Emily! Yay!"

A deep sense of grief filled her as she watched Emily trying to stand up, Hunny laughing and trying to help, only to fall herself. They looked like the least funny Three Stooges skit ever.

How could they all be okay like this? The front door was wide open. She could see keys right by it, had one of them driven?

"OW!" Emily cried as she stood, only to run into the table again.

"Dude! Lookoutforthetable!" Beca pointed, stumbling in place and nearly knocking Chloe over.

Emily hadn't even gotten to thirty days yet. She hadn't even gotten to a full two weeks yet. This - it was terrible.

She watched Hunny laugh, waving her cigarette at Emily and joyfully calling, "You drunk asshole."

She sounded so happy about it.

Emily grinned back like she had just called her the funniest thing ever.

Chloe opened her mouth and, to all of their surprise, a fury like none they had ever seen flowed from it, "Beca, what the _hell_ are you doing? You almost _died_! Do you want that to happen again? You _say_ you want a different life but this _isn't_ different!" She watched Beca's slack face blink, trying to process the suddenly furious woman in front of her. "Hunny," she turned, "don't _you_ care that she almost died? The bruises haven't even fully faded yet! Look!" She clutched Beca's jaw, turning her face so the bruise across her cheekbone stood out, "You're all but her girlfriend! What about her well being? Don't you care? What about _yours_? Don't _any_ of the three of you care about your fucking well being?"

"Oh GOD!" Hunny cried, staring up at the ceiling, "Go back to bed! Your voice is annoying me!"

"Hey!" Emily cried.

"Don't say that! Chloe has an awesome voice. You just don't know."

She should have been pleased by Beca's defense but instead, it just made her all the angrier, especially when Beca's hand closed on her hips, trying to pull her back to her, "No Beca! You don't get to use the fact that you're drunk as an excuse to cuddle up to me right now!"

"I didn't have a choice. I had to see EZ and they wanted to celebrate Kendra." Beca said in a small voice, "It's fine. It's not a big deal."

"Oh no!" She rounded on her.

"He was going to walk, Chloe!"

"So you get him back by once again being something other than what you are? _Who_ you really are?"

"Maybe this is who she is now." She heard Hunny at the bottom of the stairs but they both ignored her.

"You're so freaking talented, Bec, you have so much to offer, so much more than a laugh and a good time! Do you think this is who _Kendra_ wants? Because I'm pretty sure Kendra wants Beca Mitchell, the creator of 'Flashlight', captain of the Bellas, not _House Bex_ ," she cried, waving her hands sarcastically at the nickname. "She called because you and you," Emily jumped like she had been whipped when the yelling woman pointed at her, "made something amazing together. You did! Without having to buy her off with drinks or drugs. 'Flashlight' was amazing. And the longer you keep telling yourself that this is no big deal, Bec, the more it _won't_ be because it will be normal, because this will be your _life_. Do you think it's not a big deal for Emily? She hadn't even reached fourteen days yet!"

"Heeeeey, I'm right here! I can _hear_ you!"

"Exactly! Good! Emily, what are you thinking? Was it worth it?" She took a deep breath and tried again minus the yelling, "Sweetie, really, was it _worth_ it?"

Emily let out a loud scoff, a bit of spit flying, "I uh- don't tell me what to do, Chloe! You're not my captain anymore!"

"No, but I'm your friend." She came down the stairs, reaching for the drunken girl but she backed away fast, hitting the table and falling over again. "You're better than this. You are both so much better than this! You both deserve so much more than to bury your light under a bottle of whiskey!"

She heard Hunny scoff to her right.

Her head snapped around, "I'm not so sure that _you_ are better than this, though." It was a cheap, angry shot but it made Chloe feel a little bit better.

Hunny looked at her for a second and started to laugh. "Oh stop being a bitch and judging us. You don't know anything about us. We're just celebrating Bex's new client. Plus," she gave a smug little shrug, biting down on her cigarette, "we had a situation that needed rectifying."

Chloe stared, unbelieving as she watched Hunny run her hand through her hair.

She was proud. She was _proud_ that she had helped Emily jump from her newly found wagon. This woman, she was a parasite, a vulture. She saw Hunny cast Emily a glance and she _saw_ the little wink that she gave her.

A spring suddenly snapped loose.

These people were her friends.

These people were her _family_.

And she was encouraging them to _hurt_ themselves - because she thought it was _fun_.

A streak of stubborn, protective fury washed through her.

She was - _evil_!

Chloe took two steps, two small little steps and - _smack_ \- she had slapped Hunny across the face. "Get out."

Hunny's face dropped into open shock.

The entire room went silent.

She didn't care that this wasn't her home, she didn't care that she had no right to kick Hunny out, she just wanted her gone. "HOW DARE YOU?! WHAT KIND OF A HUMAN BEING ARE YOU? GET - OUT!"

"This isn't your-"

"GET OUT! NOW!"

"Holy shit." She heard Beca gasp from behind her.

She watched Hunny's face. She was done. She was done being insulted by this woman, she was done watching this woman push Beca and Emily toward bad choices, she was done watching her kiss her, watching her touch her, she was done watching her plague spread to others, her disease.

She saw Hunny look over her shoulder, looking for support from Beca - and then look away when she found none. Her hand went to her cheek, softly rubbing it.

She couldn't believe she had done it. She had never slapped someone in her _entire_ life but as she watched Hunny take a step backward and toward the door, she knew she wouldn't regret it. She didn't want to cause Hunny pain but Hunny had to go.

She stared until Hunny had disappeared, neither pleased nor upset, simply determined. Chloe chewed her cheek. They weren't going to protect Emily's sobriety, that much was clear, even Emily wasn't going to protect it right now - but Chloe was - at least, she was going to try, she had to try at least once. She had to fight for their youngest Bella.

"Chloe-"

She turned, taking a quick breath. Beca was fine. Beca would be fine. But she wasn't completely sure that Emily would be fine. "Bec, please go to bed."

"Chlo-"

She looked up, straight into Beca's eyes, wordlessly telling her that right now she needed to give them space, "Okay."

The room was silent as Beca climbed the stairs.

Emily squeaked when Chloe turned on her, her face red and angry. "Whatever you're goi-hey -stop! Let go! Let fucking go!"

Slowly, carefully, Chloe had reached for her, ignoring her as she hissed and spit like a cat being dropped into water. She pulled her into a tight hug, not knowing if this was the right thing to do or not. "Emily, you can do this. You really can. I believe in you. So much."

"Stop trying-"

But Chloe wouldn't let her go.

"I'm FINE! STOP!"

But Chloe just held her.

Emily struggled and then with a frustrated yell gave up, standing stiffly in Chloe's arms. So Chloe held tighter, pressing until she felt Emily's face fall to her shoulder, stiff as a board, but hiding in her hair.

When she finally did pull away it was only to take Emily's face between her hands, "Call your sponsor."

"What? No! Fuck no! Look, I was wrong, alright, I'm not an alcoholic."

"Sweetie, I'm saying this because I care about you. If that were true then you wouldn't be drunk right now."

"You just don't get it! You have no idea what you're talking about! You're WRONG!"

She took a deep breath and said as calmly, as matter of factly as she could, "Emily, you gave all of us his number just in case something like this happened. I _will_ lock you in the bathroom and call him but I would really rather you did it." She saw a wave of fear, so pure, so true pass through Emily's eyes. "It's important."

Emily's lips pulled down into a shaky pout, "I don't, I don't want to do that."

"I know," she hugged her again, "I can't begin to imagine how hard it is. But it's worth it. You told me that yourself, remember?"

Emily pulled out her phone, looking at it like it might bite her.

"It's okay sweetie. Everyone makes mistakes and we're here to help you."

Emily gave a great sniff and searched for the contact. "Blake? It's Emily. I - I made a mistake."

Blake hadn't been able to get there for another hour and so Chloe spent that hour listening, rocking the girl as she cried. When he arrived Chloe took her leave, stepping outside on the patio, breathing in the cooler night air.

Fall was coming. How had the year gone by so quickly? It was only the beginning of September but she could feel it in the air.

She studied the stars and felt her own frustrated, angry tears come.

What was she doing here?

Trying to help or not, what was she doing here?

This was not her life. This was not her path. This was not her fight.

It wasn't her choice. None of this was _her_ choice to make.

She loved Beca. She loved Emily.

She only wanted to help but what if this wasn't her place?

It _wasn't_ her place.

Emily had called _her_ when Beca was hurt. She had called her to swoop in and save the day, just like the Bellas had done for every breakdown, every worry. They had called Beca when it was something about the Bellas or about school and Chloe when it was personal.

It had always been her job in college to pick them all up and put them back together, it had always been her job in all of her lives.

See someone hurting. Soothe the pain.

See someone needing. Make sure they got what can help.

And for Beca…This was how it had always worked before. She had always been the one to be there to hip check Beca back in line when she lost her way. Always. And Beca had done the same for her, kicking her ass back into line when she had stumbled, or worse when she simply froze.

But things change over time.

Maybe that wasn't how it should work anymore.

Maybe she was wrong.

She loved them, so she couldn't just walk away from them.

She was so scared for them.

Maybe she shouldn't even be here.

She was still awake, still brooding in the living room when she heard Beca's feet on the stairs again, her groggy zombie-like groan.

The sight of her rounding into the kitchen with a cigarette and hiding behind her glasses only made Chloe feel worse.

She was so angry these days. Angry at Nick. Angry at Beca. Angry at Hunny.

_Angry at herself._

And scared.

She was always so scared.

"Oh, err, sorrry, I was – sorry. I didn't see you there at first. Um. You're up early." She could see Beca pausing, tasting her mood.

Chloe wrapped the blanket she was in a bit tighter around herself, "I'm not up early. I never slept. There's a difference." She just - she didn't know what to do.

Beca scowled, "Wait, are you mad? Why the hell are you mad? I've been up for like .2 seconds."

"I'm not mad."

"No, no, that was totally just girl speak for I'm fucking mad. Why are you mad, Chlo?"

She felt her teeth grit. She didn't really want to answer, "Because what the hell are you doing, Beca? You're scaring me! You almost died but you're right back on that path. After one night – it only took one night for you to do the same things! It's going to happen again! And I can't stand it, I can't watch it happen, I can't do it, Beca."

Beca let out a long, somewhat demeaning groan, the kind of groan that let Chloe know she was already defensive and therefore going to fight, " _Look_ , I'm doing better. I'm not out as late, I'm not partying as hard, minus a few celebratory drinks. I've only gone out once! Okay. Once! I'm gonna meet with Kendra and get this studio started. Your mission is completed. Operation Save Beca from Herself is done. You can go back to your high and mighty life now, 'kay, Chlo? Hunny and I _got_ this."

Chloe's head snapped around, taking in the causal distance of the woman, "My high and mighty life? My _high and mighty life_?" She didn't want to fight with Beca, not at all but here she was, reacting to the look on Beca's face before she could stop herself. "Are you kidding me Beca? My life is _anything_ but high and mighty, you know that! And you and Hunny? Please tell me that was a joke! I've been so nice to her despite everything so I can't anymore! You have the _worst_ taste in women! Do you remember what you were like around that blonde from D.S.M? She was _horrible_ , she made fun of you, she talked down to you and yet you were so damn gobsmacked that you couldn't even _talk_ around her!"

"Hunny is nothing like Kommissar!"

"You remember her name?!"

"No!" Beca stumbled back a little, guilt on her face.

"God, Beca! Why do you have such terrible taste in women?"

"Well, I love you. So, what does that say?"

Chloe gasped. It was like her own personal version of a slap in the face but Beca went on so quickly that there was no stopping her.

"Look. Leave Hunny alone! She kind of sucks sometimes and yeah, we're not totally together, but she's been around for a year! A whole year, Chlo! That's the longest _anyone_ has stuck around!"

"I was around for _six_!"

Beca scoffed, "Oh yeah, _Mrs. Cavanaugh_?"

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME, BECA!"

It had just exploded from her, the thing they didn't talk about, not outside of a joke or two; the thing they didn't say.

Beca had been in love with her. _In love with her._ A fact that still made her mind melt into dizzying confusion and a blur of colors and tastes she wasn't sure she understood.

Beca shook her head, "Unfreakingbelievable! Right, Chlo! You had no idea!" She yelled back, her face going red. "In _all_ the years we knew one another, you never had a single freaking idea. Right. Denial much? Just like you didn't kiss _me_ when you were last here. But oh, I know, we don't talk about that, right? We don't talk about the fact that you _kissed_ me or the fact that you're _married_ yet camping out in my house looking at me with those puppy eyes! Or the fact that you almost kissed me again! Yeah, no...let's not talk about any of that! Because that's what you do, Chlo! That's what you fucking do! Too hard? Avoid it! Too scary? Avoid it, pretend like it isn't there, isn't happening! You can't just avoid _everything_ in life that scares you, Chloe! Me, Nick, the future! Fuck, your _current_! You can't! It won't just go away!"

Chloe was chewing on her lip, biting it so hard it hurt. She wanted to speak, she wanted to yell right back but she had words caught in her throat. "Beca, I _didn't_ know."

"Would it have mattered if you did?" Beca shot back.

She couldn't - she had no idea - she, "Okay, this is not even the point! What about _Emily_? If you don't care about taking care of yourself, if you don't actually care about chasing your hopes and dreams then what about Emily's?"

Beca rubbed her forehead, and even through her glasses Chloe couldn't look at her. They both knew that Chloe had just done it again. Avoided. "What about Emily, Chlo?"

"Do you not remember her sobbing drunkenly on the couch last night? I had to make her sponsor come and get her."

Beca's face fell open, slack, "What? She got drunk with us? Why don't I remember that?"

"Because you were _too_ drunk! This is my point! This is why it scares me!"

"She lost her sobriety?"

"YES!"

She watched Beca process.

"Really?" Her voice cracked as she asked.

"Yeah, Bec, the three of you came home last night pretty wasted."

"Fuck!"

She could hear Beca's voice shaking, she watched as a tear rolled out from under Beca's sunglasses and reached out for her, "Bec, I'm sorry. I don't want to be fighting." She pulled her in, kissing her cheek. Beca wouldn't come to her, not fully so Chloe just held her to her, letting Beca stand there in her embrace, "I - you're right - I'm avoiding – I - there are some things that I don't know how to deal with."

"Well you have to." Beca sniffed, the tears pouring so fast they dripped from her chin and onto Chloe's shirt. "That's how it works, Chlo."

"I just - I don't know how."

" _Talk to me_. I'm _right fucking here,_ " Beca wailed, her chin shaking as she wiped fast, trying to keep her face clean of the wet evidence.

Chloe hated that her words had made Beca cry like this. She _knew_ that Beca cared, she should have been softer, less angry.

"I don't even know if I should be here, Bec. This isn't my choice. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? Who-"

"No!" Beca's voice was loud beside her ear, her sudden vise-like grip painful.

"What?"

"Please don't' - no, Chloe, I need _someone_ in my corner. Someone who thinks - I can be better."

Overwhelmed, Chloe hugged her, sighing when Beca finally buried herself in her, wrapping herself in like she had just found home.

"Emily's been working so hard."

"I know, sweetie, I know."

"Was I really a part of that?"

Chloe opened her mouth but - she couldn't say it again.

"God, I was. I did that. Me and Hunny. I let Emily give up on herself like that. God, _who_ am I?" She pulled back, pushing Chloe away. "Who the fuck am I?"

"Beca-"

"I need - I need some air."

"Beca! Please don't leave."

But Beca was already gone.

 

****

 

Beca needed Hunny.

That was the problem.

She had _always_ needed Hunny.

She _still_ needed Hunny.

Hunny was perfect for her.

She didn't need to love her, Hunny didn't mind.

She didn't need to be her girlfriend; Hunny liked fucking other people just as much as fucking Beca.

Hunny wanted nothing from her but occasional sex and a good time.

Hunny was perfect for someone who was an expert at being secretly in love with their best friend.

She knew Hunny was an enabler, she had always known that.

She _loved_ that about Hunny.

Beca was a runner. That was not new information. She had run from her dysfunctional family. She had run from the Bellas - more than once. She ran from Jesse their entire relationship. She ran from Chloe. Hell, she had an Olympic medal in running from Chloe.

_Beca was a runner._

The best thing about Hunny was she only helped that, giving her the ability to run mentally as much as she ran physically.

It was the _best part_ of Hunny.

And Hunny had been there for her.

She couldn't just throw Hunny over.

But she knew. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what had happened last night.

Hunny had probably thought it was funny. It had happened before. She had once teased that it was her civic duty.

She had no idea how the hell she got Emily to join them in the first place and she had no idea how she had gotten Emily to take that drink but she _knew_ that Hunny had done it on purpose. Emily had been Hunny's favorite drinking buddy.

So she had 'fixed' the situation.

And Beca hadn't stopped it.

Beca didn't even remember it.

Chloe was kind of fucked up right now, she knew that. She had a lot going on, too busy running from her life. She was interfering and nosy and annoying but she could never do something like whatever Hunny had done. All of her insistence that Beca should change was - because Beca needed to. If she wanted to have the life that she wanted, then Chloe was right. She was just looking out for her, as she had done so many times.

Chloe, unlike Hunny, had a heart of gold.

What kind of a person does what Hunny did?

What kind of person does what Beca did?

Really horrible ones.

That's who.

Really, horrible, terrible, assholes.

She took a deep breath, paying the cab driver and slipped out.

She had no idea what she was going to say to her, she didn't even know why she was here.

But she knew that she didn't want to be the type of person who watched their friend stumble off the wagon and enjoyed it.

She knocked on the front door, waiting for Hunny to answer.

What was she going to do?

What was she going to do about a lot of things?

Damn it.

And of course, Hunny wasn't home.

She turned, sitting on the step.

What was she going to do?

"God damn it!"

 

****

 

She didn't know if she felt warm and fuzzy or cold.

Beca had said that she wanted her to stay. Granted it was in Beca-speak, but it had still been said. But then, when she was upset, she had taken off, running from her.

Beca had also said a lot of things that were very true.

Her phone started to vibrate and she pulled it from her back pocket, "Hey, Brey."

"Finally!"

"What?"

"I've been calling you for like ten minutes. Nick is right, you're so bad at picking up the phone."

"Um, what?"

"Still in L.A. huh?"

She had been a little less than great about her phone calls to Aubrey too. Beca let her wander a little bit before hip checking her when she needed it whereas Aubrey and her drill sergeant ways never let her step even a toe over the line - and right now she was miles over. "How'd you guess?" She laughed weakly.

"Nick."

"Nick? You were talking to Nick?"

"Well _yeah_ , dummy. If you're not going to answer your phone then someone has to. But don't worry, he got me. I gave him the address. So can we talk about-"

"What?"

"What?" Aubrey paused, uncertain. "Beca's address?"

Chloe jumped up, instantly halfway to panic, " _What_?"

"Chlo? What's wrong?"

"You gave him Beca's address?"

"Yeah, he said you weren't picking up your phone and he was lost."

"Oh my god, Aubrey!"

"What?"

"He was lying! He's not here with me! He got his office girl pregnant! I've been refusing to talk to him!"

"THAT DIRTBAG DID WHAT?"

"Oh my god, Brey, I have to go!"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?"

"I have to go! He's probably going to be here any minute!"

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

She knew she should get dressed, she knew she should act like the thought of seeing him wasn't terrifying.

Instead, she was pacing the length of the living room, breathing into a bag and doing absolutely nothing that would help her.

She kind of deserved this. She knew that.

She totally deserved this.

She moaned when she heard feet in the hall out front.

She so totally deserved this.

There was a firm knock on the door and she felt herself blanch.

Her breathing doubled, the bag ballooning and compressing fast.

She could just not answer it.

"Chloe, I can hear your bag."

Oh no!

She went to the door, pulling it open, knowing all of her guilt was on her face as she tried to catch a breath.

Nick looked down at her, obvious anger there but upon seeing her he let out a booming laugh. "Oh geez, Chloe! Come'ere."


	14. Chapter 14

If Chloe could have seen through Nick's eyes for just a few moments she would have been able to move on from her fear then and there… or at least she could have stopped breathing into her bag like it was a surrogate lung.

She would have felt the way he affectionately took in her hair, wild from a night of running her hands over it in stress, her baggy tee shirt that fell off to one side exposing a pale shoulder, her round eyes staring up at him in stunned panic and she would have felt his happy pleasure at seeing her again. She would have known that he wasn’t here to fight or be a bully, he was pissed yes, and he was going to yell but he was here because his best friend and wife had stopped answering his calls two damn weeks ago. Chloe could be stubborn, no - Chloe _was_ stubborn, even mule-headed at times but the thing was - so was Nick.

Unfortunately, Chloe only saw his coldly appraising eyes as he pulled her in for a hug.

“Well, it looks like I found you.”

Against his chest she breathed quicker, not really mid panic attack as much as mid-panic, like a cornered animal that knew that they had put themselves there.

“You’re gonna rip your bag, Chlo.”

She frowned into the bags paper and made a conscious effort at slowing her breathing, which was almost impossible against his chest. She pushed away a few inches and that helped a bit. When she could finally pull the bag away she dropped her hand, timidly glancing up at him under her lashes to find him already staring down at her, his face hard and concentrated. “So do we kiss, do we not kiss? How does this work?”

“Um.”

“See _normally_ , I would kiss my wife hello - but that was usually after a day at work or when she came back from a run, not after she disappears for two weeks!”

She braced herself, knowing he was going to yell now.

She couldn’t even begrudge him that, not at all. Or maybe she could...he did get his office girl pregnant...what were the rules of conduct for a marriage filled with secret infidelity and lesbianism? The whole thing was almost laughable.

“You left in the middle of the night.” He finally said, shoving his thumbs into his pockets, “You left in the middle of the night and then I didn’t hear from you for two weeks! Two weeks Chlo! I’ve been calling you every day, I know you’re not busy so explain to me how it is that you can’t pick up the phone because I don’t get it. I get that you’re mad, I get that I made a huge mistake, but you don’t get to just not pick up your phone, you don’t get to just decide that we’re not talking about this!”

"I'm not - mad." She pushed out, making him stare at her, incredulous.

"Then that's even worse! Don’t you see that? I'm your  _husband_ , Chloe! I get that things are – weird – and hard. But we've been married for three years! You don't get to just run from that, you don't get to just vanish!"

"Are you here to take me home, Nick? Because -"

He scoffed cutting her off as he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, "No!" With a groan of annoyance he pushed into the condo and fell onto the couch, pinching his eyes furiously. "Can you just - can you come here, please?"

Chloe paused, eyeing him warily. She had never done well with getting yelled at, it had always been her father's way and Nick knew that. Still, this was Nick - sweet, lovable, Nick.

"Chlo-" he held out his hand beseechingly and Chloe took it. He pulled her in next to him and she curled up into a small ball against his chest.

She had always liked sitting with him like this - when she knew it wasn't going to trigger her third life that is.

He habitually closed an arm around her and sighed, clicking his tongue. She could feel him trying to get rid of his anger, trying to stay calm and so she just waited, doing the same so she didn't go sheepishly running for her own calming device.

"Chloe, I just - we're  _married_ and aside from that, you're my friend. You know that. We have our problems, sure, we have a whole fucking lot of problems but we've always been  _friends_  under it all."

"Yes."

"You just - you don't get to fucking disappear, Chlo. You can't just  _avoid_  everything that scares or upsets you."

She let out a little laugh, feeling the sentence like a knife's edge and forcing a tear away from the corner of her eye, "That's funny. I've been hearing that a lot lately."

"Well," he shrugged his shoulder unapologetically, "it's what you do and the people who love you hate it. Trust me."

She sat up, scowling when he didn't let go of her and instead kept her close, "What else am I supposed to do, Nick? I'm - I'm  _paralyzed_! With everything over the last few years, losing Beca, the pregnancies, your mom, our fighting, your  _obvious_ affair, Beca almost dying, what am I supposed to do? I'm afraid that no matter which step I take, no matter which direction I go in, everything will just - crumble. It  _will_  just crumble and I will lose everything. So what am I supposed to do?"

His hard face released and he sighed, pulling her back into the gently cuddle her, "One, you're supposed to  _learn_  from your mistakes, Chlo. This is exactly why you spent three extra years in school instead of moving on and I know you don't regret that-"

"I don't." She cut him off with a shake of her head, "Those three years gave me my Bellas and four championships and - and - Beca."

"I know you don't regret what you gained but I know you regret  _sitting_  for three years instead of facing what scares you."

"Yeah, I guess that is true."

"So  _learn_  from that, Chlo, for god sake! Learn from that and  _talk_  to the people who love you."

She sat for a minute, worrying her lip as she thought, "It's funny. You and Beca sound an awful lot alike."

"Is that supposed to surprise me?"

She let out a slightly teary chuckle.

He sighed in such a resigned way that Chloe frowned, watching him pick at his jeans, "I get why you want to run, though, Chloe. Not Jenny – I mean – that too and everything - but -  _you know_. The  _thing._ I get why you want to just totally avoid it all. I probably would too. I can't even be mad. I just couldn't let it end like this. I mean, this is our _marriage_."

"What do you mean? What thing?"

Nick's eyebrows drew together as he studied her thoughtfully, "Chloe, you don't think a man can tell when his wife is gay?"

Her mouth fell open in shock, her eyes round as saucers and though she wanted to pull away from him she couldn't get her body to unfreeze. She had thought he was going to bring up the pregnancies or his mother but - "How-?"

"I don't know, lots of little things. You used to stare just as much as I did when Josh's wife was washing her car in those little shorts - you only really enjoy a movie if there's a hot  _female_  lead - and sex, I mean, I liked it just fine. No, I liked it a lot. You're hot as hell, Chlo, but the things that you would - and wouldn't do - were pretty obvious. I kind of thought it was like Jenny, we both kind of knew that we both kind of knew. No?"

She opened her mouth, flabbergasted. What did she say? He had known? She couldn’t believe it. She had barely known, so how had Nick? Why hadn’t he said anything? She tried for words but very little came out of her suddenly sticky throat. "Nick…"

"It's alright, Chloe, I've known for a while, a few years at least. Well no, I had an idea that maybe - but I think seeing you here - in  _Beca's_  living room - and seeing how much you just  _don't care_  about Jenny - yeah, I think now I really know."

"I care…" Why was she so embarrassed? It was like she was suddenly lying naked before him, only, she had done that and it had never felt this - vulnerable. She frowned, touching his rough cheek, her soft tears coming just a little faster. " _I'm so sorry, Nick_."

He let out a bark of a laugh but she could see it was only to cover his pain, "Don't be. I  _know_ that you didn't know when we got married."

"No. I didn't." she swallowed hard, "Why did you stay? If you thought-"

He mulled this over for a minute while Chloe waited, "Remember how things used to be? How bad they were?"

"Yes." How could she forget? The year before last - and the year before that one - they had been the worst of her entire life; the loneliness, the isolation, she and Nick had barely been able to communicate; they had barely been able to be in the same room. She had made them both miserable and she hadn't been able to figure out  _why_ she had been so unhappy; not until the reunion.

"I considered leaving then. I really did.” He confessed, “Things were just so bad between us and nothing I tried to do made it better. I was really pissed off but then you came home from that reunion that year and you were a different person, you were more of the Chloe I used to know."

"Nick, I _kissed_  a woman at that reunion."

He nodded, his chin jutting boyishly, eyes downcast, "Yeah, I kind of figured it was something like that. It doesn't feel good to hear it but I assumed. I want to be mad about that, but I can’t be. Not after Jenny. Not when it was clearly the right thing for _you._ So anyway," he cleared his throat, "I stuck around. I mean, we really were doing better and there are worse things than a gay wife." They both let out weak laughs at that, "Then I got involved with Jenny and I don't know, I guess I've just been waiting to see what happens."

"Nick…" her fingers closed around his shirt, holding him there, holding him in place as she finally said the thing out loud, "You know that I'm pregnant too?"

"I do. I do know."

She nodded, not surprised. Nick was a smart man. "I probably won't keep it."

"Hey." He softly grabbed her face so she had no choice but to look into his green eyes, "Don't say that, Chlo. You're going to keep this baby."

She nodded, not really believing it.

He stared back, fixed on her face, "Tell me something."

"What?"

"Why did  _you_  stay?"

She heaved a deep sigh, shaking her head emphatically, "Because, Nick. You're still my husband. I still  _love_  you, I've always  _loved_ you. I want to have your baby. I'm  _thirty_ , if I'm going to have one then it needs to be soon and I can't think of another man I would rather it be with than you. You're a catch. Plus, I don't know, I think that maybe I was just waiting to see what was going to happen too."

"You were avoiding it."

"I guess so." His face slowly switched into a grin. "What?"

"Well, you sure as hell weren't avoiding it altogether."

"What?"

"You know that we share a desktop, right?"

"Of course."

"What do you think I thought when I kept getting on X-Tube and finding the preferences changed to women for women?"

"What?" She cried over his laughter.

"I kept thinking it was some site malfunction and then I realized one day, no, not the site."

"Oh my god, Nick!" Chloe wailed, burying her face in his chest just to have somewhere to hide, "It's not funny! Stop it!" She smacked his chest, mortified.

"You do realize there are better sites that have actual porn for actual lesbians, right?"

"Oh my god, stop!"

"It's totally funny. Eventually, I just left the preferences."

" _Oh my goooooood_!" That was so embarrassing!

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, still chuckling, "Hey, at least you have good taste. Beca's  _hot_."

She sat up straight, "What? What does anything have to do with Beca?"

"Well, she's your lover - um, girlfriend - thing, isn't she?"

" _No_! Why - why would you ever think that?" She snapped making his head pull back a few inches in surprise.

"I uh, my bad! Uh, sorry!"

"I just don't get why you would think that!" She screeched.

"I don't know, Chlo! I said I was wrong! Damn!"

She frowned, taking a few deep breaths and letting the sudden tension melt from them both. "Why are you being so nice about all of this?"

"Well, I guess I've already had a few years to get used to the idea - ofyoubeingalesbian, not of-" he cleared his throat awkwardly, scratching at his stubble.

She sighed, settling in closer again.

They hadn't been the happiest and his mother made her crazy but he was a _good_ guy. She knew that he had made mistakes but so had she. She would miss him if he ever left her life. She had missed him over the past weeks in a way. "Your mom has been calling me."

"Yeah, she's pretty pissed. You told her that you would help with the Henderson Fall mixer, remember?"

"Oh god, that's right! I just thought that you told her I left."

"Hell no, are you crazy?! She thinks you're here to help a sick friend. I didn’t know what else to tell her."

She just shook her head. "What do we do now, Nick?"

"I don't know, Chlo. The way I see it we have two choices and then a hundred choices within those."

"Okay."

"What it comes down to, Chloe is: do we stay married or do we get divorced?"

"What about Jenny?"

She saw him deflate a little but as she watched she also saw something amazing there in his face. " _You love her_." She suddenly cried.

"What?"

"Nick! You totally love her."

"I uh," a slight blush crept across his cheeks.

"Oh my god!" She laughed, bouncing on her shins when, embarrassed, he covered his eyes with his hand. "You do!" She thought that perhaps she should have been upset, hurt, heartbroken or even just weirded out but instead she just felt a warm sense of wonder as she looked at his face, the grin she knew he wasn't aware he had.

"It doesn't mean I don't love you, Chlo."

"It's different."

"Yeah. It is."

"And she's having your baby. The odds are Nick, let's face it, she's probably the only one who will actually give you a baby."

"Damn it, Chloe, stop it!" She jumped. "I'm sorry, but look, you never know. I want that baby," he touched her stomach, "just as much as I ever have. You're a pretty great one to get pregnant with too."

Despite herself, she laughed but it died quickly, swallowed by other thoughts, "I guess I just - I can't let myself  _feel_  pregnant. I can't let myself get attached. I can't bear to go through this again. I haven't had any symptoms. I've only been sick twice. I just…I can't." His hand closed around her cheek as she studied her lap, "Do you know what my first thought was when I found out that I was pregnant, Nick?"

"What?"

"Misery. I was -" her voice hitched as she remembered the feeling of doom, the feeling of dread, "I was so sure that this would just end badly again… _am_  sure."

"Chlo, it only has to happen once, right?"

"What if it doesn't? I want this baby  _so_  badly, Nick, so much but I can't even let myself think about it. I can't go through this again."

"You're not alone, Chlo, you're not. You have people to help you and this  _will_  work. You will keep this baby. You heard the doctors; there is nothing wrong with either of us. Just - just don't mourn its loss before you have lost it, okay?"

"How far along is Jenny?" She asked just to change the subject and again felt better seeing his unconscious smile.

"Eleven weeks."

"Is she excited?"

"I think she's scared. I mean, I'm married."

"Well yeah, but to a _lesbian_."

His loud laughter filled the room, making her smile, easing the tension in her chest. This conversation was so strange, so weird, but so freeing. She _never_  would have thought this would be what happened when she opened the front door. There had been no bickering, no silly or petty back and forth; it was as though they had both stepped into this - ready.

She sighed, resting back against his chest, "Maybe - maybe this is our chance, Nick. We're not happy, not like we should be. You're not happy, I'm not happy."

"Now that's not true, Chlo, and you know it. We just - our happy is different than the movies."

"But it's not complete, Nick."

"Nooo, I know it's not."

"There has to be more. If we get divorced then you could be with Jenny." She wasn't scared and yet, even saying the words was painful. She sat there for a while, both of them silent under the word - divorce - it was terrifying, the worst word you could say to your spouse and yet...

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know."

Was that the right thing to do? She supposed it was. It was inevitable, wasn't it? They couldn't stay married, not now.

"I don't know if I'm ready for you to no longer be my wife. I love you, Chlo."

She chewed her lip, "I don't know." She settled in deeper, "Nick?"

"Hmm?" He had started softly caressing her hair, something she had always loved, though, strangely she had never noticed how large his hands felt compared to Beca's.

"What is it about Jenny? What is it that made you love her?"

His hands stilled and she could feel him wondering if this was a trap.

"I'm honestly asking."

"Um - I don't know, Chloe."

"Is it just because she's hot?" The sound that came from his throat was rude at best. "That was lovely."

"I'm sorry but what kind of guy do you think I am?"

She rolled her eyes, "Tell me."

He sighed, his chest rising and falling, "I really don't know. She's funny. I think you would like her if you ever really got to get to know her."

"She makes you laugh?"

"I don't think she ever really means to," he admitted with a chuckle, "but she's hilarious. She makes these faces when she thinks no one is looking that are - cute - they are the cutest things I have ever seen. You know I've been playing video games because of her?"

"Really? You hate video games!"

"Yeah I know, but she loves them. She made me play with her one day and it's so - fun - and easy to sit there with her and play this game and just laugh."

She smiled from her hidden spot below his chin, "Tell me more."

"Sometimes we'll rough house, like  _wrestle_ , like we're kids and it's amazing. She can't cook at all, not like you, but it's like - I don't even care. She's probably going to poison this baby trying to cook for it but I know that and I just think - well, I'll cook then." He paused, scratching his chin as he thought, "Chlo - it's like - every time I see her - every time I'm walking up to her door…"

"Tell me."

"I don't know, it's like, I've been seeing her for a year and working with her for another year on top of that but walking up to her door I feel like a goofy teenager again. My stomach gets all twisted and anxious. It's like - you know that moment when you're on a roller coaster and you're at the top, looking down but you haven't started to drop yet? You know it's coming but it hasn't started yet?"

It took Chloe a second to respond, a frown building, "Yeeeah, yeah I do."

"It's like - it's thrilling and almost too much all at once but you can't wait for it. And, and I don't know, I don't care what she's saying, she can be rattling on about her shoes and I don't care because I just like listening to her talk. And god, all she has to do is look at me and I'm like - out of my mind, you know? Like, she touches my arm and I feel  _fire_  everywhere." He stilled as he glanced down at her face, "I'm sorry, that was too much. Fuck! God, I’m such a _douchebag_! I'm so-"

"No! Please. Tell me more. Tell me - the fire -"

Again he paused unsure but she sat up, looking him square in the face, desperate for him to keep talking.

She needed to hear this, she  _needed_  to.

"I've never wanted someone this bad, Chlo, at least, not since I first met you. I mean, I dream about her, how cliché is that? I just - I can't stop touching her. I mean, obviously - she's pregnant - but it's  _more_  than that. While we're cooking, at the store, driving, I just, I don't feel right unless some part of me is touching some part of her."

"Because you want her? Because - because you like having sex with her?"

"Because I  _love her_. Whoa. I guess I do. Wow. That's crazy. Whoa! Chlo, what's wrong? Why are you crying? I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry! I'm an ass, I'm an ass! I'm sorry!"

But she wasn't listening. She wasn't even there right now.

She was back in 2008.

She was glancing around, panicked because if they couldn't find more Bella recruits then they couldn't compete. She was remembering the moment that Aubrey rejected her, insisting that her style wouldn't meld with their own. She remembered watching her face as she explained about the groups on campus, feeling her stomach flutter, watching the way that her eyes danced with sarcastic humor. She remembered the momentary devastation when she heard the word 'lame' because if she thought that a capella was lame then she  _must_  think she was lame too and –how fiercely she had wanted to do something to change that. She remembered how desperately she had tried to think of something to say, how much she had wanted to make her see.

She was remembering the unbearable excitement when she looked up from her seat during auditions and saw her there, peeking around the curtain. She was remembering the way her heart had stopped in her chest for a second, the way that her mind had gone back - only for a moment - to standing in front of her naked and the way that had made her head feel fuzzy.

She was remembering everything.

All of the cuddling.

All of the innocent goodbye kisses.

All of the times she had reached out and touched Beca and needed to feel her touch back.

All of the times that Beca smiled at her and she had felt as though the wind had been knocked from her lungs.

She remembered the feeling of Beca's body against hers in the kitchen, the way she had moved into her, the way each laugh, each note had felt like - like a drop of alcohol, wearing away at her restraint. She remembered being surprised by her body's reaction, by the pull in her belly, by the dampness that she had felt.

Why hadn’t that…why hadn’t that been enough to make her see?

 

"Chloe?"

Her hand went to his chest to silence him.

She had felt all of this. She had felt every single thing he had said. She had felt it for years. Not with Nick - or Tom - or anyone else - only with - Beca. For –  _years._ She had felt it all with - _for_ \- Beca.

Was it possible to feel desire - to feel, oh god, to feel  _lust_  and not recognize it for what it was? It had always just been - how she felt when Beca was near her - it was - it was just her Beca feeling. She had never thought about it twice.

"Chlo, why are you crying?"

"I've- I've felt that. I think… but I don't understand."

Nick seemed to understand, though, "is it possible that as a gay woman those feelings look a little different from the thing you  _thought_ was, you know - that? Like, if you grow up being told an apple is an orange then you're going to think an apple is an orange and never know that in reality and orange is an orange." He grinned, "That didn't make any sense."

"Actually, yes, it did. Oh god, Nick! Oh god!" Her hand clamped down on his arm as she felt her panic begin to rise.

"Like I said before, Chlo. You have good taste."

"This  _isn't_  funny, Nick!"

Years. They could have had years.

How - she still didn't understand. How had she never…

She remembered Stacie's dare, that silly little drunken dare that had been too much – because it was Beca – anyone else – but not Beca.

Apples and oranges.

He took a deep breath, studying her, "Are you coming home, Chlo?"

Her mouth opened and then closed...opened and then - "I think - I think this is where I'm supposed to be right now."

He nodded slowly, clearly not surprised, "We still have a lot of things to talk about."

She chuckled, flushed, "I promise I'll answer my phone."

"Ha! Yeah right. I was thinking, do you mind if I get a hotel room for a day or two?"

She frowned, "Why don't you just stay here? I know Beca wouldn't mind."

 _Beca_.

“Chlo.” He gave her a dry eye roll, "I kinda think that you and Beca need to have a talk and me being here, I think that would be weird for everyone involved."

 

…A talk…

 

Her stomach buzzed, excited and nervous.

Did they need to have a talk?

 _Should_  they have a talk?

 

"Hey. You wanna grab some lunch?"

"I'm sorry, what?" She blinked a few times quickly and forced her hand back into her lap; it had been hovering anxiously over her throat in a way it rarely did anymore.

"Lunch. I'm hungry."

"Oh. Um. Okay?"

 

 

The strange thing was that it wasn't even awkward. They drove to the only place around them that Chloe knew, Vinny's, and ordered a few slices.

"So you know you owe me a huge favor, right?"

She blinked. She did owe him a favor. She - she was so blind. Would she have seen this if he hadn't spoken so passionately of Jenny?

"I mean, my mom is going to  _kill_  me when I tell her you're not going to be there for the mixer."

"What? Oh! Yeah, that! Oh boy, she's not going to be happy." She was trying hard not to be distracted and was failing completely. Her mind was just – elsewhere.

"Not at all."

"You know you're going to have to tell her about Jenny and the baby."

"Maybe I'll just move to Vermont instead and send her a few postcards. I can Photoshop you in."

"Oh god, I guess I'm going to have to tell my parents too, aren’t I?"

"Yeah, have fun with that one."

She laughed lightly. It was funny, it was easy to laugh with him, to sit there beside him when she didn't have to fight and strain to be his  _wife_. "Maybe we should do it together."

"What, like call them on speakerphone?"

"Yeah, why not? Like 'hi mom, just calling to tell you that Chloe is a lesbian and my girlfriend is having my baby so we're going to get divorced. No big deal. Okay, have a good afternoon. Say hi to dad.' Then we'll call your parents."

"Lesbian." She said around a mouthful of food, "God, that still kind of freaks me out."

"Try being  _me_! I'm the guy who married a lesbian. I'm _Ross_!"

She rolled her eyes and gave him a little shove, "If it helps anything, one day I will be married to a lesbian too."

"Oh god, that's so weird!"

Chloe covered her mouth to hide a giggle. "Hey, question. How did you know I was pregnant?"

He let out a snort, "I've seen you pregnant four times now, Chloe. I knew before you even took the test."

She frowned, taking a second to process that.

"Actually, I knew all month. You think you're so sly but you're not, Chlo. Right at the beginning is much the only time that you can’t get enough Oreos and pickles. Once I saw those show up – I knew. You _never_ let yourself eat like that."

"What? What are you talking about, Nick?"

He turned to chastise her and that she found she didn't like the way he was looking at her, reading her, "You haven't gone to the doctor yet."

She bit her lip.

"Chloe!"

"Nick, I'm not going to keep it!"

"How far along are you?"

"A couple of weeks, I think. I'll set one up soon."

" _Chloe!_ " He barked, "I can't believe you! You can't just  _not_  go to the doctor. Jenny has been on vitamins and had  _two_  checkups already and I would put money on the idea that you're  _at least_  as far along as she is."

"What? No."

"Oh come on, Chloe, the month before this last test, I  _know_  that you didn't check."

"What?" She...hadn't. She hadn't been able to face it – so when she saw that the box of strips was empty she just – had decided not to bother. She had thought there was no way – skipping one month wouldn’t matter and if she began to feel different then she could always go do it – it had been a weak moment. Oh god, was that possible? Could she be a whole month further along than she thought? Nick said Jenny was eleven weeks – oh god, had she been pregnant when she had come for the reunion? No. No way. She was sure of it. It literally wasn't possible thanks to her last period but – just after – she began counting backward in her mind.

"We didn't even have any strips,” he laughed, “and you didn't notice until I said something the next month."

"I…noticed."

"Chlo!"

"No. No, no way." But her mind was whizzing, making her shake her head a bit too franticly. "That's not possible. I can't be that far along, I always start getting morning sickness around five weeks. That's not possible. No, there's no way." Except it was  _entirely_  possible.

"Chloeeeee- don't start freaking out."

"Freaking out? Why would I be freaking out?" She cried in a high voice, mentally tallying all the things that she had done in the past weeks. A few glasses of wine. A few cups of coffee. Oh god. She had been staying clear of Beca's cigarette smoke but Nick's coworkers smoked and she was sure she had spent at least one evening with them.

"Breathe."

"I  _am_  breathing!" she cried taking in a huge gulp of air. Her hand flattened on her stomach, was it possible? "I don't even know for sure that I'm still pregnant, Nick."

"Well, I think you would know if you weren't. You always have before."

"Oh god, what kind of mother will I be if I didn't even see a doctor for months?" She hadn't realized she was wailing until she saw Nick flush, meeting the eyes of the older couple next to them.

"Pregnancy hormones." He explained.

The couple gave a small knowing 'aahhh' and continued eating.

"Nick!"

He just started to laugh.

 

* * *

  

She had gone with him to check into his motel down the road from the condo with a promise that yes, when he found out what type of out of state coverage they had, she would make a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. She didn't really want to but she couldn't deny the low-grade panic she now felt at the idea that perhaps she had just been caught up in other things and had missed this; that for the first time in years she had let her mind drift away from the rigorous charting and keeping track and it had been at the one moment she shouldn't. She knew it was normal, that it happened all the time; all the books and websites said so, that's why you were supposed to check twice a month no matter what - but still. She worried. Which was silly, there was no point in worrying. She had lost three babies. She  _would_ lose this one too.

She had always been a highly optimistic person, _always_ , but she had run out of optimism when it came to this.

 

She was exhausted as she let herself back into Beca's condo and felt a small pang when she remembered that no one was home.

They had fought that morning.

God, had that only been this morning? Had it only been the night before last that she had danced with Beca in the kitchen and felt – oh god, had felt that feeling in her stomach? That felt like five lifetimes ago, back when she hadn't understood - she hadn't understood why every time she thought of Beca today her stomach had done a little tango.

Who missed something like that?

She thought of her old therapist and felt a spasm of anger and then another wave of exhaustion.

She just did not have it in her to be upset right then.

She changed back into her pajamas and then decided to just get into bed.

Ooooh, the blankets felt wonderful and despite  _everything_ , she was asleep within seconds.

 

She wasn't sure how long she had slept when she woke again, but she felt a little better.

Beca.

It was the first thing her mind landed on.

 

 _Beca_.

 

She wanted to be angry with herself - she  _was_  angry at herself but - she was also so...happy? Yes, she thought was happy about this.

 

 _Beca_.

 

...Who was right here...

And had loved her once.

Had she loved her too? Nick had made it sound a lot like she did. Had she?

The idea of that filled her already jittery, excited belly with more butterflies; throwing in confetti and cotton candy and all things sweet as well.

She knew she should be freaking out, pacing the floor, ripping apart bag after bag only - it all kind of explained a lot. It was like learning the answer to a long-standing unasked question.

It just made so many little things - so many big things - make sense.

The problem was - her life wasn't exactly simple, was it?

Oh god,  _when_  had her life gotten so complicated? Why was she asking herself that so much lately?

The sad thing was it had probably gotten complicated the exact moment she had said 'I do' to Nick. That was kind of ironic, wasn't it? The moment that was supposed to seal her romantic future had actually catapulted it into total chaos.

 

She would talk to Beca.

She had never willingly kept anything from Beca.

She would talk to her.

 

Because she was attracted to Beca.

God, she was so attracted to Beca that she literally had not been able to define it.

 

 

She stayed in bed, thinking for a long while; so long that the sun was starting to dip low in the sky outside of her window, falling into 'golden hour'. She stretched, taking a moment to enjoy the way the strips of gold fell into the room. She reached out, enjoying the way that the sun fell on her fingers, as though she was able to cup the light. 

...She was trying not to worry about Beca, again but even the beauty of the sun couldn't pull her away from her anxious thoughts.

Beca had been so upset that morning and once again Chloe had heard nothing.

She had to assume that she had gone to work which probably meant that she would be heading to the club within a few hours.

She should get up soon, make some dinner - maybe see if Nick wanted to go see a movie or something. She really didn't feel like sitting in an empty house and thinking for much longer.

 

Lucky for her, she didn't have to.

 

She had almost - _almost -_ convinced herself to get up when she heard her door click open.

A small smile came to her lips as she felt the thin body slide in behind her, wrapping her arms around her and resting her chin on her neck.

Chloe's stomach gave a strong, delightful twist, the muscles in her throat clenching and she had to inwardly laugh.

This was so silly.

That reaction wasn't new, not at all.

How had she not known?

Just because she hadn't felt it for Nick, the person she was supposed to feel it for?

It was so obvious.

"You came home from work? You're not at the club?" It was a silly question and so she rephrased it. "I didn't think I'd see you again until tomorrow morning."

Beca just sighed, her head falling against Chloe's and the ginger was surprised to find there was no alcohol on her breath. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just – I can't freaking believe I did that. And - I don't know how to blow off steam without drinking - I don't know how to do what I do while sober, Chlo. No one is sober there, that's why Emily is back off the wagon. No one. That's not how we live. And then the thing is, once I'm a little drunk I just want to get more drunk because it feels so good not to think. Not thinking is, like," Beca huffed, pushing her hand though her hair, "my favorite thing in the world. So - how do I do it? How do I keep EZ happy and stay sober? How do I keep my reputation and stay sober? I - I don't want to be someone who helps push a friend off the wagon, Chlo."

She set her hand over Beca's so that they would stay where they were and turned around in her arms.

Wow.

She felt her eyes fluttering, trying to adjust as she turned to face her.

They used to cuddle this way all of the time, it was their go to pillow talk position, nose to nose like this but - it was  _different_ now. She opened her mouth to speak but Beca was so close - Beca - who she was attracted to - apparently a lot - whose soulful eyes were looking at her with such intensity. She spent a second pushing a lock of hair a little further from Beca's face just to give herself time, "I think the whole point is that you're being given a chance to  _change_  your job and your reputation. Is that really a reputation you want? I mean, am I wrong when I say that you  _don't_ want to be like P.J., you  _don't_  want a studio like his?"

"No."

"Then I think that is the answer. I don't know about EZ, Bec, I really don't but you can't build your whole career around him." She softly brushed her fingers against her cheek, "Beca, it's  _okay_ not to live the way everyone else in the studio does, it's  _okay_ not to have this lifestyle. It's  _okay_ not to want it. It's okay to be different."

Beca frowned.

"Plus, you're supposed to be leaning on me to help you do all of that, remember?"

"Yeah, I know but…"

"But what?"

"It's...complicated."

"Well?"

Beca let out a long sigh, her cheeks puffing for a moment as she blew it out, "I don't know. Maybe I just suck."

"You don't  _suck_ , Beca Mitchell, don't talk about my friend that way. You're just caught in a cycle. All we have to do is break it."

"Oh, that's all, huh?"

"Which you can  _totally_  do! I know it. I need you on this planet. Em and I, we got you."

Beca nodded slowly, lost in her thoughts until Chloe leaned in, cupping her cheek. All she was planning on doing was giving her a quick Eskimo kiss, like she had done a million times, but her heart jumped high into her throat.

Oh god, she had felt that in the past too. She loved the feeling. It was the reason why this was her go-to sign of affection with Beca.

She brushed their noses together, delighting in the laugh that came from her best friend.

Laughter was good; they needed more laughter.

"Hey! Don't roll your eyes at me!"

"I dunno, Chlo, it's pretty hard not to."

"Hmm." Chloe's eyes narrowed, "I guess it doesn't matter because eye roll or not, you totally love me."

Beca let out a quick snort, "Nu-uh."

"Yes-uh, you've said it yourself."

"What? No way!"

"Yup." She popped the P with a smirk, "A couple of times now. You said it."

"Okay, crazy. What did I say exactly?"

"'I love you, awesome nerd'. Though, to be fair I think once it was 'nerd face'."

Beca's cheeks were red as she buried her face in the pillow under them, "Ugh, god, you're so annoying."

"But you love me."

"Ugh, I do."

"I love you too." She smiled, curling Beca's hair around her finger.

"You do?" Beca's face came out of the pillow, shining.

" _Of course_ , I do! I always have! You're my best friend! You’re Beca! And-" It wasn't until she was watching Beca's face fall ever so slightly that she realized what she had said. Oh god, it hadn't even occurred to her! She just meant… oh she was so dumb! She hated it, she hated seeing that slight change around her eyes so she started to do a little teasing wiggle, insisting, "You loooove me, you loooooove me!"

It worked.

Beca scoffed, pushing her face away and making her yelp. "You're  _so_  weird!"

"Hey!" Beca had started to sit up, to move away and that was the very last thing that Chloe wanted. She just - she wanted to be close to her a little longer so, not thinking she reached out, snaring her by the neck, "Where do you think you're going? You can't -" and then she lost track of her words. She had just meant to tease, to keep it going but she could see something on Beca's face, as though being grabbed that way had triggered something within her. It was just a fleeting second before Beca stifled it, wiped it away, but it stopped Chloe dead. She had seen that look a million times before too, that slight darkening of her eyes, but now…

Something caught in her throat and she blinked, slightly disoriented, those hot butterflies back in her stomach.

This – this feeling was - this was  _amazing_.

She blinked slowly, her head spinning.

She knew she should let go of her, that she should stop holding her by the neck only, her fingers wound in tighter, higher into the nape of Beca's neck. She could feel that feeling again, starting in her stomach and spreading, the same feeling she felt when they were dancing, that heady inebriation.

It was so new and yet - it was so old.

It was as though a door had been opened, letting so many things through; like taking one step to the left and settling into a warm bath, delightful and comfortable.

She knew she was biting her lip, she had watched Beca watch her do it. She had seen the way that Beca's gunmetal blue eyes had flicked, tracing the movement before darting back up.

 

She should let her go.

 

Beca shifted ever so slightly, her hand lightly falling to Chloe's stomach. It was innocent, she was just trying to keep her balance, half pulled over this way.

But there it was.

_Wildfire._

Starting at the points of each and every one of Beca's fingers and spreading fast.

That one touch, it was better than anything she had felt before - and she wanted more.

She didn't really know if it was right or fair or smart - all she knew was - she really wanted to kiss her.

Just one kiss.

Just to know what it would feel like.

Just one.

And she couldn't look away.

So she pulled, barely at all, just enough. Her back arched, meeting Beca's body long before their lips could touch.

But when they did it was a gentle detonation. Yet it was so soft, so sweetly tentative and over so quickly that she couldn't be sure her mind hadn't made it up.

She felt Beca pull back a few inches, her eyebrows drawn as her eyes flicked between Chloe's, searching. She opened her mouth to speak but Chloe's hand, the one in her hair, contracted of its own accord and they came together, fast and hard.

Their lips met and she wasn't sure which one of them it was who let out the small sound; she had no idea, all she knew was that their lips fit together so well. She should probably stop this, think about it, talk about it with her. And then she felt Beca's lips part and she was spinning, feeling the gentle pressure of Beca's tongue against her own, the taste of her washing over her.

She needed more.

She pulled tighter, reaching deeper, moving faster, feeling Beca crawl over her fast; hands clutching either side of Chloe's face, pinning them together as her body held her against the bed.

And it still wasn't enough.

How had they never done this? They had cuddled, they had hugged – they had seen one another _naked,_ so how was it that this was the first time their tongues were wrapping together this way, touching and pressing.

" _Ooooh_ ,  _holy fuck. Oh my god_." She could taste Beca's words and reached for more, reached deeper, leaning up off the pillows as they moved together, rolling, lips crashing, shaking.

Her eyes closed, her body limp in Beca's hands as she felt Beca's frantic lips move from hers, down her jaw and to her throat, only to desperately jump back again like a magnet.

She was lost, drifting somewhere in the heavens, each roll of Beca's tongue sending an ocean wave of new sensation through her.

She sucked in air through her nose, trying to steady herself but Beca moved again, frenzied; kissing, licking, desperately biting her way down her throat, across her chest; taking in as much of Chloe as she could as quickly as she could.

She couldn't breathe.

Oh god, she didn't want to breathe.

She could live in the feeling of Beca's breath against her skin; that would be enough.

" _Oooooh!_ " Beca's mouth had closed on her breast through her shirt and she had let out a cry so loud, her back arching so far that Beca jumped away, startled; everything stopping as she released her. Chloe fell back to the pillows with a grunt.

"I'm sorry! Shit! Fuck. I'm,"

"No, no, I'm sorry. Don't stop. Please."

"Really? Chl-"

She could hear the disbelief in Beca's hoarse voice, fear and worry, so her hand clenched in her hair again, hooking her, pulling her back to her body; the moan that popped from Beca only fueling her fire.

"Beca-" oh god, this feeling was going to drive her insane. "Bec-"

Beca's lips worked their way back up her chest to her lips and she could feel her shift, her whole body pressing into Chloe.

Oh god, this felt – so good – Beca felt – so good.

She wrapped around her, her leg going over a jeaned hip, her hands sliding up the back of her shirt to land on bare skin. "Bec- I've never - I haven't-" she gave up in a sharp gasp as Beca's lips close around her ear, her thigh pressing into her once.

Beca was silent for a moment, as if replaying the sound Chloe had just made again and again. "Do you  _want_  to?"

Oh, that voice, so close. She could feel it everywhere, licking and pulling…

" _Yes_."

Had she said just a kiss?

She couldn't stop.

There was no stopping now.

 

****

 

"Bec…Beca...oh… _Bec_ …"

 

That was going to drive her insane.

She loved the way it sounded.

She loved the way Chloe said it.

She loved the way, when she pressed against her, Chloe latched herself tighter, pulling her in.

She could feel somewhere in her mind that she should stop this - but then her hands slid together up Chloe's twitching stomach, over her tee shirt covered breasts and she knew there would be  _no_  stopping it. Not when she could feel the small peaks under her palms this way.

Everything in her hitched, and she slowly she moved, giving a tentative experimental graze.

She watched Chloe's eyes pop open her lips pulling into an 'O' of surprise as she did. So Beca let her fingers rub, her thumbs caressing and Chloe's eyes rolled back as she let out the most delicious little 'oh' that Beca had ever heard.

Oh god. Oh fuck, oh Jesus.

She knew she had just lost control, something different taking over entirely, something old that had been living within her, uncared for and starved for a  _long_ time.

Need.

She needed her.

She pushed her shirt, needing to feel Chloe's skin, needing to know it. She pushed and barely registered when Chloe pulled it all the way off. She trailed her nose against the hollow just under her ribs, breathing in her scent, tasting her skin. She kissed her way up each rib, settling against the swell between bare rib and breast.

It wasn't enough.

Her mind swimming, she moved, scooting so she could remove her shorts, trailing her lips down her hip, thigh and shin as it went.

She looked up and the sight slammed into her, everything slowing, her eyes going wide.

Her mouth opened but she had no words to say; there could never be enough.

She reached forward, placing a few fingers on her bare hip, just to know Chloe was really there with her as she took her in.

Not once, not once in her life had she ever seen something so beautiful, something so powerful as the sight of Chloe lying bare to her eyes, lying naked under her palm, looking at her in that way. She wasn't hiding herself, she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed; she was just watching Beca look at her.

Slowly her fisted palm splayed out over Chloe's quivering belly. She watched how the muscles moved; fascinated, absorbed and she had to know more, after so long, she  _had_ to know her this way.

She slid her palm down, over a hip and watched Chloe's face change, felt the warm, soft skin of her thigh under her fingertips.

She leaned forward, taking her lips again, pulling her own shirt over her head, pushing her jeans down just so she could feel her skin against hers, feeling every sparking inch where they touched.

She just needed to touch her - taste her - feel her - hear her, absorb her in every way. She loved the little sounds Chloe was making, the little coos and oh's, the way her face moved.

It was almost selfish.

Beca just explored, mapping her, starting at her lips, moving to her feet and back.

She just needed to work through so many years of loving her, of needing her. She couldn't believe that after so long she was finally here.

She kissed her neck, listening, she trailed her nose across her belly, watching, she closed her mouth on a hipbone, tasting.

She studied with great fascination the way Chloe's jaw worked as she ran her fingers over her thighs, around and back.

She felt the way her calf went tense in her hand when she softly bit the tendon in her ankle.

She memorized the way her fingers twitched when she softly sucked at the pulse point of her wrist.

Beca took it all in, learning it, answering long wondered questions, creating new ones.

She knew she had never seen Chloe's eyes so blue, so intensely focused, so entirely lost as when she sat up under Beca's hands, reaching for her and pulling her back to her mouth.

A long, deeply felt moan came from Beca as Chloe's fingers closed around her own, threading them together for a moment before she led her to where she wanted her, where Beca had been politely avoiding. She held her there, pressing in a silent beg. Beca's face buried in Chloe's throat, unable to not comply. Beca knew she cried out as she felt herself slide, becoming part of her.

Beca's mouth fell open, her face contorting against Chloe's neck as she felt her for the first time; felt her warmth, her texture, the way that Chloe's fingers clamped into her hair, hear the soft beautifully contented sound that came from the mouth just beside her ear as they fell back to the sheets.

She stayed there for a long time, moving and feeling, each exploratory stroke making her own toes curl, drawing her up, pulling things from Beca she never knew could exist. She felt the lightest fluttering of fingers against her own sex and she had to sit up, sit back, trying to reel herself back in, trying to see clearly but Chloe followed her, searching for her mouth again, moving to her throat, darkening the skin as she left a small love bite.

It was too much, so overwhelming; the feeling of  _Chloe's_  lips on her throat, the feeling of moving within her, feeling her hips rock to meet her, hearing her name falling from those lips she knew so well, falling in this new way. It was more than she could handle.

How was it possible to love someone so much? How was there ever enough room in any one body for it? How was there enough room _anywhere_ for it?

Chloe's arms wrapped around her, holding herself close, her cheek pressed against Beca's chest and Beca just watched her, the serenity on her face, the way she smiled when Beca leaned down and brushed her lips against her forehead.

Beca wasn't looking for an end as she laid her back against the pillows, she had forgotten to seek, just feeling the way Chloe's body moved under her, feeling the way her own body responded. She had forgotten and so when she felt Chloe tense into climax, heard her name gasped, she had an honest moment of surprise - before a dizzying hurricane of vivacious need crashed into her.

 

****

 

It was new - different and Chloe felt herself instantly addicted to the way Beca responded to her, the way she touched her with such awe, such reverence. She was in love with watching Beca's private journey, watching the way her face grew studious as she touched her, researched her.

She had never been more moved than when she saw Beca looking at her, she had never felt more beautiful, sexier, more loved.

Beca didn't need to say it; Chloe knew. She could see it in every movement of her eyes.

 

 

Her body finally went limp, wrapped around her, holding Beca to her, unwilling to let go as something more powerful than she had ever known finally released its hold on her. She could hear Beca's small giddy laugh, she could feel her renewed desperation in her lips.

And Chloe wanted more.

So she pushed, watching Beca's surprised face as she stretched herself over her, feeling the surprise melt as she kissed her.

Perhaps she should have been scared as such a novice, but she couldn't find it in her as she pulled away the last bit of Beca's clothing between them and stopped just to look.

Her breath gusted from her and she knew why Beca's face had looked that way.

She let a finger trace her collarbones, between her breasts, over her navel, biting her lip when Beca's breathing hitched.

She had seen her bare before, not just in the shower but in one or two accidental glances over the years – and yet, she had never seen her like this.

"You don't-" Beca cleared her throat, unable to look at her, "You don't have to."

For a moment Chloe had no idea what she was talking about. She didn't have to? She didn't have to what?

Then Beca cleared her throat again, her free hand twisting the sheets below her in nervous tension and Chloe understood. 

Chloe opened her mouth to argue, to reassure but instead leaned down and placed one soft kiss over a nipple.

She liked that, the way that Beca jumped, the noise that came from her when her lips brushed the skin. She did it again, trailing gently back and forth, smiling when Beca swore in a high voice. "I want to."

Her fingers trailed over her stomach, tracing the peacock feather, touching the small simple bar of metal through her belly button, feeling Beca watching her face but she couldn't look up, her fingers crossing her skin to the small words under her breast, the tattoo - about her.

She drew a finger over the G and the H, thinking of its significance, of its meaning. She thought of the pain Beca must have felt to get it, blocking her heart like a wall; pain so strong that it had made her run from her for years; pain that could have been avoided if she had just understood...if she had just known.

Pain so deep that it forced Beca to bury who she was and to live in the shadows.

What must it have been like to watch the woman she loved with other people?

How many times must she have cried? How many tears had she shed?

All because she hadn't known.

Her fingers finished tracing the words as her first tear dropped onto Beca's skin.

She wanted to hold her, to wipe it all away, to take that pain on herself and free Beca of it forever. She wanted to go back; she wanted to make it better.

Her hand flattened, covering the words, holding them, holding Beca’s heart, "I'm so sorry, Beca. I'm - I'm so sorry that you ever felt pain because of me. I'm so - I'm  _sorry_."

She felt Beca's hands pulling her to her, felt her heavy kisses, heard her unspoken words in the way she held her face – she felt Beca's forgiveness and something cold, something heavy around her heart let go, drifting away.

"Chlo." Beca let out a dry sob and the sound did things to Chloe's head that she didn't know was possible.

"Mmm, say that again, please," she whispered through a breathless smile.

" _Chloe,_ " Beca begged, her hands pulling her to her, reaching between their bodies for her.

And Chloe lost herself.

 

* * *

 

Nothing felt different and yet everything was different as she laid there, draped over Beca, feeling their chests rise and fall quickly, catching their breath.

She let out a content sigh, her fingers lightly tracing over a nipple. "Mmmm, why didn't you just do that to me years ago, Bec?"

Beca let out a laugh, her belly shaking as she covered her face.

Chloe looked up, grinning. She was surprised. She would have thought that Beca would have grown awkward by now, unsure of what it meant or uncomfortable but thus far she had simply held Chloe to her, peppering small kisses across her forehead and hands.  "It would have solved a lot of problems if you had."

"Yeah, call me crazy, I guess. I probably should have known after you told me that you wished you had ' _experimented_  more in college'."

Chloe giggled, rubbing her nose against her skin, breathing in the scent. "Can we do it again?"

" _Right now?_ " Beca squeaked, looking down at her with wide eyes. "Jesus, I don't think I can come again! At least not yet."

Chloe bit her lip. She would give just about anything to hear those words again.

Beca caught her eye and scoffed, seeing through her. "Come. Yes, Chloe I came. A lot."

She moaned, loving what the words were doing to her body and loving the returning sound she got when she softly sucked Beca's nipple into her mouth. "But I didn’t – I didn’t go – _inside_ of you.”

Beca laughed again, “Trust me, I’m very happy about everything that just happened. Promise.”

Chloe grinned against her skin, moving to run her tongue over the other surprisingly sharp nipple, “I'm telling you. All of our problems. Solved." She loved the way that Beca's hand grabbed a handful of her hair, her hips rolling beneath her as she let out sounds that Chloe was sure she would never get tired of. She released and kissed her way up to her throat, burying herself just below her ear.

"Does – does – this – _shit_ \- this feel strange to you at all?"

"What?"

"You know, lying here naked together."

Chloe pulled away, honestly thinking about it, "No. I guess it should, huh?"

"I dunno...maybe?"

"Do you think it feels different for you? Since you spent so long wanting this to happen?"

"I don't know."

Chloe sighed, resting her cheek against her chest. "I still wish you would have told me."

"I still think there was no way I could have."

"Was it hard?"

"Was it  _hard_? Yeah, it was hard, Chlo! Every fucking day!"

"Was it hard not dating?"

Beca was quiet for a few moments, her fingers tracing idly over Chloe's bare back, "No." she finally said, "No, it wasn't. I didn't  _want_ to date, that's the thing."

"Why?"

Beca gave a dry laugh, "Because no one ever came close to you for me. What was the point?"

"Really?" Chloe bit her lip, grinning, making Beca laugh harder.

"Really." She watched Beca's face cloud over as she smoothed a finger across Chloe's lip, "That's why I had to leave. I had to make things change for me."

"I wish you hadn't. I wish I had known." She gave her a small smile as she felt Beca's finger poke at the tense spot between her tight eyebrows.

"You really had no idea?"

“About what? That I wanted to do _…this_? That I was attracted to you?”

Beca’s mouth popped open, doing a surprisingly perfect imitation of a goldfish.

Chloe smiled and shook her head. "I thought – I - I started seeing this therapist right after the wedding."

"Yeah, I remember."

"After you kissed me on my wedding night I kind of - freaked."

"Freaked?"

"I started reading into it, which is ironic considering how it turned out, I guess. But I'll never forget this thing she used to tell me."

"What?"

"She used to say 'feelings can lie to you, Chloe'. My - my relationships with women always looked a little different, more hugging, more touching; look at how Aubrey and I used to interact, especially in college. I just thought that I was, I don't know, passionate maybe? She used to insist that I was just having new bride jitters, that I would settle into my life and that the kiss from you was just something to focus on, like it was just some type of distraction or something. A place to put my nerves. So I just - I put it away." She let her face drop to Beca's chest again, breathing in the reassuring scent. "I was so unhappy that year. It was - it was terrible, Bec, and when I told her that she told me that the first year of marriage is always really hard."

"It kinda sounds like this chick shouldn't really  _have_  a license."

"Yeah. I guess. I don't think she ever really understood what I was trying to say." She heaved a sigh, thinking about those days, "I used to lie next to Nick at night before I realized I was gay and I would just watch him sleep. It always blew me away that first year how  _happy_  he was. I couldn't understand it. I used to watch him and I could see how happy he was even when he was sleeping and I - I was so lonely."

Beca's arms closed around her so she scooted a little higher, resting in her throat.

"I used to sit there and  _know_  that I should be happy, know that I should love him like he loved me, knowing that I did love him but somehow it wasn't right. I used to feel _so_  alone and I didn't understand how he didn't see it, how he didn't see past the happy face I was putting on. Those moments of lying next to him like that were the loneliest of my life. And then after a while - he stopped looking happy in his sleep."

"I don't know how you survived that."

She wasn't sure either. She remembered lying there craving someone,  _anyone_  to make her feel real, alive, to make her feel - not alone. She remembered how it had felt existing in blackness. "Well. Those days are over now," she said, giving Beca a quick kiss under the jaw. She couldn't live there in those memories, not right now - not anymore.

"Mmmmm." Beca squeezed her a little tighter.

"Hey, Bec."

"Hmm?"

Biting her lip she looked up, "Can we make something to eat? I'm  _starving_."

 

****

 

Jesus fucking Christ, now _this_ was a sight worth waiting for. She kept nearly missing the stairs as she watched Chloe descend in front of her, her hair sex-wild and completely nude.

Chloe should always be naked – all the time naked Chloe!

Some people were just made to be naked and Chloe – yeah, she was one of them.

 _Jesus Christ_. She stared, mouthwatering at the small dimple on one side of Chloe's lower back and stumbled again, catching herself on the railing before she went toppling over.

"You okay?" Chloe asked, throwing her an alluring smile over her shoulder.

"Do you really have to ask me that right now?"

It was impossible to watch her walk like that and not need to touch her. It had been impossible before but now...fuck, there were so many things she wanted to do to her. Right now. All of them right fucking now.

She needed to pinch herself because she wasn't sure this could really be happening.

"What are you staring at?" Chloe gave her a coy smile and Beca just groaned, her palms sweating. "What do you want to eat?"

Nope. Noooope, too easy. She squeezed her eyes closed and bit back the word that wanted so badly to fly from her mouth. Noooope, don't do it.

 

She couldn't fucking believe they were there right now.

She couldn't even process it.

She was surprised she wasn't walking into things and drooling because that's how she felt on the inside. She had touched her. Finally. She had watched her climax under her hand.

She just - oh god, deep breath.

She pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it.

"Ew! Do you have to?"

"See this?" She held up the cigarette, "After  _you_ , after _that -_ I need this."

"Do me a favor then, pretty please? Do that over there by the patio?"

Beca shrugged; better viewpoint from over there.

 

She could not fucking believe this.

What the hell had changed? She was almost afraid to ask. She had been able to see something different in Chloe's face the moment she grabbed her, something completely new. She had no idea - she had no idea what any of this meant - but she wasn't complaining.

She watched Chloe move around the kitchen, occasionally sending her a shy smile, the same kind that always made the hairs on Beca's arms stand up.

"What?" She finally asked after the third time.

Even from across the room Beca could see Chloe blush to match her hair, " _You're naked_."

Beca felt her own blush begin as she laughed, looking away to the ceiling while her face cooled, "Uh yeah."

Chloe sent her another mouthwatering shy smile, "I'm not used to knowing I like that yet."

She  _liked_  that? Had Chloe just said she liked that she was naked?

Jesus Christ, she was going to be the death of her, the awesome, sexy death of her.

Also. Since fucking  _when?_

Fuck it. Didn't matter. Also. Nope. Cigarette not worth it.

She pitched it through the patio doors and started back to the kitchen, immediately pulling her into her arms, pulling a girlish yelp of surprise from Chloe.

"Oh god, you taste  _terrible!_ "

Beca groaned.

Fine!

Fuck - fine!

She was upstairs and back down in a minute, gargling the harshest mouthwash she had as she went and pinned her the moment she was back.

"Better?" She asked, letting her tongue trail along Chloe's bottom lip, her hands reaching behind her, pulling her tighter against her by the ass. Ooooooh my god, she was doing this. Her hands were totally on Chloe’s butt…right now...and it was awesome.

Chloe let out a whimper, wrapping a leg around her in response, "So much better -  _aah_."

"It's funny, I feel like I'm not supposed to do this. Like I'm not allowed." Beta froze, "I _am_ allowed? Right? Like - right now - am - al," A small grunt toppled out of her when Chloe gave her a devilish grin and placed Beca's hand over her own naked breast, kneading both of their fingers. "Jesus - whew- fuck."

Beca loved the way her fingertips scratched her scalp as she dropped and began to nibble across the instantly sharp bud, cupping the other as she went. She had always thought Chloe would be like this; passionate, demanding, wildly sensual.

She forgot for a minute or two that they were in the kitchen for a reason, her mouth working her way down her body, twitching with anticipation as she fell to her knees, ready to touch her in a way she hadn't yet, ready to taste her. She heard a small, high "Oh fuck" from above her and chuckled, biting the small of her belly. She was about to move forward when she felt hands grasp two handfuls of her hair and Chloe let out a mournful groan, "Ugh, damn it, I really need to eat something. My – my stomach feels weird. Damn it!"

"Make a freaking sandwich or something!" Beca wailed against her stomach, already pouting.

Chloe laughed, pulling her to her feet and walking them backward until Beca was pressed against the far counter. With a sound kiss she held Beca's chin, "You. Stay here.  _I_ need something to eat as well."

The sound that came from Beca was loud and utterly unintelligible as she watched her wink and pull away. Beta twitched in place as she saw Chloe put away the things for a more substantial meal and instead pull out bread, a jar of peanut butter, of jelly and the pickles.

She watched Chloe make the sandwich and one to spare and then clean up.

Then she watched as with a wink over her shoulder she took a bite, wordlessly starting back up the stairs.

Beca's mouth just hung open, knowing that she - Chloe - fucking  _Chloe_  - was expecting her to follow.

She let out a giddy groan of pleasure, running her hands through her hair before taking the stairs three at a time at a run.

 


	15. Chapter 15

There was only one moment of strangeness for Chloe, only one tiny fleeting moment.

She woke the next morning slowly, very slowly. It was like pulling herself from a cement mixer, really.

Why was she so  _tired_ _?_ She wasn't exactly a morning person but she also wasn't specifically - _not_  a morning person either. She had grown very accustomed to keeping Nick's early hours since he had such a hard time staying quiet enough to let her sleep. He tried, but it always seemed like the more he tried the louder he was.

At first vague thoughts and images from her dreams flashed through her mind and she moaned into the pillow, remembering the sensations she had felt, the fingers that had _not_ been her husbands.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold on to sleep, trying to hold on to the glorious feeling the dreams had given her. She curled into a ball and felt the body next to her shift. Habitually Chloe rolled away, ready to push off the arm that had just flopped over her bare hip; cuddling with Nick in the morning was not her favorite.

" _Oh_!" Her head popped off the pillow, turning to stare, through a curtain of curls, wide-eyed at Beca.

"Heeeey," Beca said with a slightly tense smile when Chloe just continued to stare in surprise.

She had forgotten, for just a moment she had forgotten and because of that for a second of time as she stared down at Beca's anxious face - it was weird.

She felt Beca's hand leave her hip uncertainly.

"I know I probably have morning breath but um..."

This was  _Beca_.

She was lying here naked with Beca!

Beca had seen her do so many un-sexy best friend things like wax her legs and try to survive the stomach flu. She had seen her in ill-fitting outfits, she had seen her eat an entire large pizza in one sitting, she had seen her when she hadn't brushed her hair in a week. She had seen her cry over men and over her parents, oh god, she had seen her pop a pimple!

Beca - her best friend.

And then she remembered the night before; she remembered silently screaming into orgasm, her feet pushing her body far off the bed as she tried to simply remain on this earth, hands clutching Beca's hair with unyielding force as she held her between her thighs.

That's right,  _that_  was why she was so tired.

Maybe...maybe that was how it should be...maybe that was exactly who you should find yourself naked with.

And just like that, the weird was gone.

It wasn't strange anymore.

She felt herself lick her lip, biting down with surprise at the spasm that rocked her belly. She huffed out a breath through her nose.

"It just got weird for you for a second, didn't it?"

Chloe grinned, "Only for a second," and then she was climbing over her, eyes memorizing Beca's naked skin in the morning light.

"Ooooooohholyshit." Beca croaked as though she already wasn't sure she could handle what was happening to her. Her eyes had blown wide, her hands up and out as though to prove that they were behaving.

Chloe settled on Beca’s hips, unabashed in her nakedness, pretending to be concerned by Beca’s expression, "What's wrong? Still weird for you?"

"Aaaffmmmasah," Beca said as Chloe lifted her hand to her lips and gave the fingertips a small kiss.

"You know what I like?"

"What?" Beca squeaked as Chloe’s teeth softly grazed the pad of her pointer finger.

"This room. Your bedroom. I like- I like how it feels. I'm glad we ended the night here." She liked how very _Beca_ it was, she liked that lying in her bed felt like wrapping herself in Beca. She kind of had a thing about bedrooms and she really liked this one.

"Also." She kissed the knuckles of Beca's hand, "I like your hands." She loved how different they were from the type of hands she had known, how small yet dexterous. She loved the chipped nail polish on the rounded nails and, god, she  _loved_  the thumb ring. She loved how slender they were, graceful and smooth. She loved the way they moved.

She also loved the way that Beca's pupils had blown wide the moment the sheet fell away from Chloe's skin, exposing her. She loved the way she could feel Beca's thigh muscles twitching, as though her toes were clenching and unclenching like she needed to be touched simply because Chloe was naked and sitting on top of her. She loved the feeling of tangible power in her stomach, knowing it was her and her alone who had created that dizzy, hungry look on Beca's face; and the confidence it gave her.

She had expected making love to a woman to be harder, like unknown territory but it hadn't…not that she had been given all that much of a chance to try it - yet.

Beca had gone a little crazy the night before and while she had been able to slip in a few moments to touch her as well, she had let Beca take what she needed.

And what she had needed had been Chloe – again and again.

 

"You like my hands? That's good, I guess."

Chloe laughed, flushing ever so slightly, "I suppose  _that_  reason is true also,"

"Wait! You  _suppose_!?"

"No! Beca!"

"Chloe!" Beca cried but her hands closed on Chloe's hips, her thumbs pressing distractingly.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Rude." Beca scoffed, starting forward and then paused as though she had grown shy or uncertain; like the rules of conduct might be different now that there was sunlight streaming in through the window. Chloe watched her eyebrows pull together and decided to save her the discomfort of asking. She grinned and pulled her to her, meeting her for a kiss.

Oh god, and the  _kissing_.

Apparently women just  _knew_  how to kiss her.

Apparently  _this_ woman just knew how to kiss her.

And this kiss - it was impossible not to respond to, not with the tiny little 'mmm's and grunts that Beca was letting out against her lips.

"Oh,  _everything_  just makes so much more sense now!" She groaned, shifting fast, pushing them back and up into a sitting position so she could wrap her legs around Beca's waist, pulling her in tight, pulling her so hard that her back bowed into Chloe...their passions picking up into chaos. She felt Beca's hands slide to her lower back, pulling her closer as Chloe moved across Beca’s jaw to her throat and back to her lips. Her teeth softly pulled on the studs beside Beca's lip and Beca’s whole body turned to putty, whimpering and aggressively taking handfuls of Chloe’s ass.

Chloe bit her own lip. She had liked that.

Experimentally she shook out her hair to clear it from her face and dipped down to the spot just behind Beca’s ear.

Beca moaned.

“Oh god Bec,” She mumbled, working her way back to her lips, “That’s so _hot_.”

"Mmmmm fuck...what time...is it...fucking...oh Jesus….damn it…" Beca whimpered every time their lips parted.

Chloe glanced over at the clock, holding Beca's lips to her throat and had to work to read it, " _Oh,_ It's,  _ahh,_  just after eight."

"Fuuuuuuck."

"What's wrong?"

With obvious effort Beca pulled herself away, holding Chloe at arm's length, "Okay before -  _this_  - goes any further...there is something we need to do before work."

 

* * *

 

Somehow Beca pulling on her tank top and jeans only made Chloe want to touch her more.

It was overwhelming, this new desire.

Still she dressed and behaved as they ate a quick breakfast. She wanted to know what the material of Beca's jeans would feel like under her fingers, how it would feel to cup a bra covered breast but she refrained – barely.

 

Emily and Benji didn't exactly live far from Beca but in L.A. everything took forever to drive to, so after a small teasing spat about the fact that there would be no smoking in Chloe's car they fell into a comfortable conversation.

"So you haven't heard from Emily at all?"

"No." Beca frowned behind her sunglasses, "She's probably mad at me. Which…I can’t really blame her.”

"I really don't think so, Bec. If she's upset with anyone it's probably herself."

"I don't know. Maybe. I am kind of the shit friend who helped her get drunk right after she got sober."

"It wasn't like that."

"Okay, except it totally was."

She shot her a glare but gave up, knowing that it was Beca's guilt talking more than her logic, "Do you know if she's sober again?"

"I uh, I don't. Last time I talked to Benji he said that she wanted to but she was, err, I think _struggling_ was the word he used.”

Chloe hated the self-loathing in Beca's voice. She reached over and softly squeezed her knee.

"So um, am I gonna have to be the one to bring it up?"

"What?" She tossed her a quick glance and did a double take. How had she never realized? Beca's hair was down, flowing in warm rich waves around her shoulders, her ribbed tank top hugging her like a glove, her jeans tight, her sunglasses hiding her eyes. She was sitting leaned back casually, her arm propped up on the window ledge, her foot on the dash. She looked – butterflies, there were the butterflies again. Then she noticed that Beca was looking entirely uncomfortable suddenly and she jumped, caught.

She gave Chloe a dry stare, "So are we like a  _thing_  now or was it just - the stuff - the one time - or, I dunno," she let out a frustrated huff as she ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it up a bit and letting it fall, "where are we at right now?"

"Um, I dunno, Bec. I just kind of - oh! That reminds me! Nick is here."

"What?" Beca visibly jumped, looking around as though Nick was going to suddenly materialize in the backseat.

"He came to the condo yesterday."

Beca scowled, instantly sullen.

"Oh stop. I think - I think he's going to be with Jenny now."

"Yeah? What does that mean for you?"

"I - I don't know. I have some things I need to figure out."

"Well. Take a few days. You know." She could tell by Beca's overly casual and yet overly high voice that she was working at it hard, "It's not like there's a rush or anything."

Chloe chewed her lip. There was one thing that put a timeline on her choices. "There are some things we have to talk about before we have sex again. There are things we  _need_  to talk about before we have sex again."

Beca paused, her fingers twiddling, "So does that mean you  _want_  to have - to uh - you know - sex -um - the sex - again?"

Chloe bit her lip, parking the car beside Benji's. There was that feeling again, that want - need - to kiss her again.

She wanted to...badly. She wanted to say to hell with it and crawl into her seat with her.

One kiss wasn't that big of a deal, right? Not after everything in the last twenty-four hours.

Just one.

She leaned over, wrapping a hand around Beca's neck and dragging her in. She let out a small moan as their lips met, her mouth instantly granting Beca access. She didn't stop until they were both breathless. "Yes, please."

Beca slumped down in her seat, breathing hard and looking at Chloe like she might be dangerous.

Chloe loved it.

 

They rang the doorbell, after another quick kiss - or two - and waited; exchanging looks when from inside they heard their names, a few shouts and a door slam.

After a minute, Benji opened the door for them with a huge sigh, "Hi. Finally. Thank god."

"Um, hi Benj."

"Hey, Benji." Chloe wrapped him in a hug, "What's wrong?"

"What? Oh. Nothing. No, she's just kind of upset. I don't think she wants to see anyone but I think she needs to."

"Well, I'm glad we're here then." Chloe smiled, clicking her tongue.

"Uh, Beca." Benji's voice broke and wobbled, a human Theremin as he played with his hands. "She has always looked up to you. A lot."

"Benji look," Beca started uncomfortably, "I fucked up and-"

"Yeah. You did."

Chloe's mouth dropped open in surprise whereas Beca's turned into a thin line.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not really me you need to apologize to."

Chloe felt a wave of protective anger when she saw the look on Beca's face but she kept her mouth shut, this was between them and she knew she would be mad if she were in Benji's place.

"She really needs your support."

Beca gave him a small nod, "Bedroom?"

"Uh, yes."

She followed Beca through the apartment.

"Em?" Beca knocked, "Open the door."

Silence.

"Flashlight!"

Silence.

"Emily, please sweetie." Chloe tried.

Silence.

"Okay. I'm coming in then. Don't be naked." Beca called as she twisted the door handle and went in, despite her lack of invitation.

The room was dark but they could still see the shape of Emily sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at her hands.

"Drunk or sober?"

" _Beca_!" Chloe hissed but Beca ignored her. “What she  _means_ , Emily is-"

"Sober," Emily grumbled over Chloe.

"Is that actually sober or is that like I'm so drunk I think that everyone else thinks I'm sober even though it's like  _really_  obvious?"

"I'm fraking sober!" Emily yelled, "I made a mistake!"

"Exactly, dude!" Beca yelled back, plopping down on the bed.

Unsure of her place in this conversation, Chloe sat down as well, watching their interactions with uncertainty. She wasn't sure this was the best way to go about this.

"You made a mistake. Who cares, move on."

"It's not that simple, Bex!"

"Well no, the fact that your shitty fucking friends helped you make that mistake makes it all kinds of complicated."

Emily huffed, punching the mattress, "It's not your fault, it's  _mine_. I knew the moment that I decided to meet you two what was going to happen, I know who Hunny is. I made a choice."

"Emily, you also made a choice to be sober right now." Chloe reached out, softly rubbing the top of her hand.

"Only because Benji put me in a cold shower the day before yesterday, called Blake and then refused to help me get dressed so I had to answer the door half naked."

"Good for him." Chloe said with a grin, knowing that Emily was glaring at her, "He was protecting you, Emily, even if he was protecting you from yourself."

"It's true." Beca piped up. "So stop hiding."

"I'm not hiding!" Emily bit.

"Yeaaah, you're  _literally_  sitting here in a dark room by yourself." Beca sagely pointed out.

"So!"

"So stop!"

"What else am I supposed to do?"

Beca took a deep breath, "Em…"

Emily just nodded, already knowing what Beca was going to say and sparing her the discomfort. She didn't need to hear her apologize to know that Beca was sorry. Chloe felt a small pull at her lips as she watched their friendship; she loved it. If she did stay in L.A. she would have the chance to really know Emily too, wouldn't she? The thought filled her with excitement.

"You should be proud of yourself, Emily."

The girl glanced at her, sour and snapped, "So, what are you just here now?"

"No!" Chloe cried automatically. Well...was she? Where else would she want to go? "What I meant to say is; you're sober right now and you  _will_  stay that way, I know it. Just - maybe - stay away from  _Hunny_."

She saw Beca's eyebrows pull together almost as though she didn't like hearing Chloe speak poorly of her. A spasm of jealousy like none other rocked through Chloe for a moment making her hands close into fists.

“Um. Have you actually heard from Hunny, Em?"

Emily scoffed, "Not since you slapped her in the face, Chlo."

" _Wait, what_?" Beca cried.

"Ooooh." Chloe chewed her lip. "Yeah, so - about that."

 

****

 

She wasn't freaking out.

She wasn't.

She was just…

Dave had left after their meeting and…

She wasn't freaking out.

The corner of the isolation booth...on the padded floor...was just comfortable...kind of.

It was very small, anyway, and that seemed to keep the freak out - that she wasn't having - small as well.

She lit her fourth cigarette and puffed frantically; the smoke in the booth was starting to burn her eyes but maybe that was because she kept forgetting to blink as she stared straight ahead at nothing.

She shouldn't be smoking in the booth. That was bad, booth smoking was bad.

She should open the door at least but - then she would have to unclench her non-cigarette holding hand from around the water bottle she was pressing to her chest for dear life, wishing it was a different kind of bottle because drifting away would be amazing right now.

She wasn't freaking out.

She wasn't freaking out.

SHE WASN'T FUCKING FREAKING OUT!

It just - it  _didn't_  make any  _fucking sense_!

What changed?

She had slept with Chloe. Like four times the night before.

She had  _slept_ with Chloe.

And then made out with her that morning and then again in the car.

She wasn't freaking out or anything.

But she  _had_  done that.

What the hell was her life right now?

What was happening?

She hadn't expected that. Not at all. She had just cuddled up to Chloe because she felt bad...and Chloe had been in bed...and she had thought that maybe she was upset.  
She hadn't expected... _this_.  
She hadn't expected Chloe to just _go_ for it. Which was stupid because this was Chloe and she just _went_ for things once she decided that she needed them.

That should be good...right?

So...

She didn't know how she had gotten there, sitting in the corner of the booth, all but rocking herself as her mind whizzed and whirled.

It had all happened so fast.

She had been fine, just trying to figure out why she felt so uncomfortable in her own skin when Josie had arrived and asked her a very simple question. 'You look happy today, Bex, what's up'?

And everything had fallen apart.

She had realized that she  _was_ happy.

Like really happy.

She had never been this happy before.

And then the thought had come.

It had only been a thought - one stupid thought. She didn't even know if it was true.

She didn't even know where it had come from!

The day had been pretty good so how had it come in and completely swept her off her feet like this?

She and Chloe had spent a while longer with Emily and she had to admit they had done a pretty good job at cheering the legacy up. Chloe had even managed to get Emily to promise to come over in a few days for dinner, something that had sounded so domestic that Beca had nearly swooned, picturing a whole life surrounding those words.

It had been fine.

_She was fine._

Everything had been weirdly - normal.

She had teased Chloe the whole way home, amused by how peevish and slightly bitchy the topic of her WWE match with Hunny made her.

It had been just like any other day between them.

Then Beca had gone to work.

No big deal.

Perfectly normal.

She had been really productive that morning, pouring over the track for EZ and she thought she had finally figured out the problem. He had seemed to like the final project too when she sent it to him, something which filled her with smug satisfaction. She wasn't sure when this sense of rivalry between herself and P.J. had started but it was growing quickly and she was going to  _crush it_. When she was done with EZ she had spent some time with one of P.J's clients, unsure what to do when he insisted that maybe they should go out and 'party' soon. Then she had her meeting with Dave which had been easy, more of a check in really.

It had been a  _decent day_.

Especially because she had no idea what she could expect to greet her when she walked in the door that night, Chloe her best friend or Chloe the woman with amazing lips, but either way she had been excited to find out.

So how had she gotten here?

 

She hadn't even been aware she was thinking specifically about Chloe, not until her second cigarette when her fingers had already begun to shake.

What - the - hell - did - it - mean?

How had they gotten from one place to the other?

She was sure she was right.

She was happy.

There was no other answer.

The moment the thought had popped into her mind she had known it was true.

 

None of this was real.

 

It couldn't be. It was too good to be true.

Chloe was just testing out her gay legs with the only person around her she felt safe to do so with - or maybe even just taking a break from men since her husband was cheating on her.

The power of the thought had all but knocked her over.

She had seen it happen to her friends a million times before.

'Oh, I've always known I was attracted to women, I just never got a chance to try it. Now that I have I'm  _sure_ I'm a lesbian.' And then six months later after the woman's husband or boyfriend had talked his way back into her pants again, she was off, never to be seen in any lesbian circle again.

Or.

The young baby gay and the older 'experienced' gay. Though...some - like Hunny - liked to say that Beca herself was a baby gay since she had only been out for a few years. When it came to her and Chloe - yeah, she was the wise and learned lesbian of the two.

It always went the same way too. The couple, usually friends first, would have a great time, they would laugh and fuck and drive everyone around them nuts with their gooey 'we're too awesome for girlfriend labels' lesbian-ness. Then the baby gay would lose interest, moving on to more life experiences, new people and leaving the other behind to wonder why the hell she had let herself get involved with someone so metaphorically young in the first place.

Both made sense.

And they had already hit step one of the second choice, hadn't they?

They weren't together.

…..Right?

No.

Sex didn't make you automatically together.

At all.

That was kind of the point.

And Chloe hadn't said yes this morning...not that she had directly asked.

Maybe she should directly ask.

And flowers.

Should she bring her flowers?

Or chocolate.

Or a bottle of wine.

Should she be planning dates or...

Crap.

Or none of the above because they were totally that couple because Chloe wasn't really interested in being with her.

God, Beca, why are you  _such_  a les?

Yet all she wanted was to run home as fast as she could in hopes of seeing Chloe's face like that again, flushed, open, filled with obvious wonder about the things she was feeling when Beca touched her.

Which was stupid. Because this wasn't real.

Her life didn't work this way.

Never in  _her_  life would the person she had wanted for  _years_  just literally wake up one day and decide she wanted her too.

No way.

It was a nice thought but this made so much more sense.

Chloe was just - trying her on.

Beca was safe for Chloe, she always had been.

Chloe was just...looking to see what women felt like - or something.

The thought occurring to her again froze her face in horror.

Because that would make sense.

Chloe had never wanted her before.

Why would she now?

 

Oh god, but what if she did? What if in some crazyland, bizarre-o-world kind of shit Chloe  _had_  realized that this was something she wanted?

 

What then?

 

That idea was almost scarier than the first.

This could be...a really big deal.

Fuck that. This _already_  was a really big deal.

Even if they never - you know - got  _together_  - together they still would have this under their belt. They would always know what the other person felt like, tasted like.

"Fuck!" she cried into the soundproofed room.

She was going to lose her.

No matter what she was going to lose her now.

Friendships couldn't survive after the kind of sex they had the night before - the mind blowing, absolutely amazing, time stopping, I-don't-even-care-if-I-die-right-now-it-was-that-good kind of sex.

She didn't know what to do.

She was devastated.

And pissed.

And fucking  _heartbroken_.

She knew it had been too good to be true.

She  _knew_  it.

The door to the studio opened and her young assistant walked in, frowning. She pressed the proper button on the soundboard and said, disapproval heavy in her voice, "You shouldn't smoke in the booth, Bex."

"You don't think I know that, Josie?" She cried back, snapping harder than she meant to.

" _Okay whatever_ , you have a call in P.J.'s office."

"Okay." Josie just stood there waiting, "I'll be there in a minute! Geez!"

 

What if none of this was real?

What if she was just some type of freak out for Chloe?

Could she handle that?

Could she survive that?

She already knew the answer; no, she could not survive that. No way.

 

* * *

 

She hadn't really wanted to go home that evening. Well no, she had wanted nothing more than to go home but that was sort of the problem. All she wanted to do was run home and see her again, even though it had only been a few hours.

And that was bad.

So she had avoided going home for a bit, stalling at the studio even though she had nothing she really needed to do.

She had to just chill the fuck out but that was pretty much asking the impossible.

Beca paused just outside her front door feeling that familiar mix of anticipation and dread. She had known that feeling so well for so long.

She just...she didn't trust this...

"Beca!" Her heart leapt as she heard Chloe call her name from the living room, her stomach going all gooey when it was followed with a happy little, "You're home!"

She dropped her keys by the door, pulled her wallet from her back pocket and kicked off her shoes.

It could be too easy to get used to.

That was the problem.

It was too easy.

She sighed, wanting to curl up on the couch and hide from the thoughts within her, deny them, make Chloe kiss her until they went away. Instead she rounded the corner and saw Chloe's beaming face...and Nick...sitting behind her, giving her a backrub.

It was like the universe was answering her concerns.

Right there.

In her living room.

All wrapped up and waiting to ruin her world.

Nick and his stupid face.

"Heeeeeeey, Nick," she hesitated. She  _did not_ want to join them. Actually, the idea of her upstairs studio sounded pretty good, hiding away with her headphones. Yes.

"Hey, Beca." He sent her a boyish grin, pressing his thumb into Chloe's shoulder blade and pulling a long moan from deep within her.

Beca flushed, hearing every other moan from the last twenty-four hours within it all at once.

Yeah.

She didn't really want to be here for this.

She pulled out her phone and without thinking twice sent a text to Hunny, "Royal?"

She hadn't been there without the plan to work in a while. She didn't have to go crazy but a little dancing and laughing - away from here - sounded great.

Chloe was  _married_. She was sitting there in the hands of her husband, the man who had seen her naked a thousand times, the man who had touched every part of her, who had loved her and come home to her every day for years.

All things that Beca would never be allowed to do.

She was sick with envy and she knew it.

"How was work? I brought over a six pack of beer if you want one." Nick offered, lifting one hand from Chloe's shoulder to take a swig of the bottle beside him.

"Beca doesn't like beer. You know that."

"Mmmm." Beca frowned, her stomach in knots. What should she do?

"Will you join us?" Chloe asked in her sweetest voice, her face hopeful.

It was so fucking confusing. Why was Chloe looking up at her like she had been waiting all day for her to come home, asking her to join them, if she was there with Nick?

"I uh-" She started to point back toward the stairs but then she caught sight of Chloe's face, saw the slight disappointment those bright eyes and huffed, knowing she was going to sit down even though she didn't want to.

She went to the minibar and poured herself a drink and then sat across the couch from them, trying not to look. "So Nick, how's it hangin'?"

Why had she just asked that?

"Hot. It's really hot here."

"It's hot in Henderson too." Chloe rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, but that's Henderson. It's pretty much hot all year long. Oooh, right there?"

Chloe gave a little nod, whimpering as he dug in.

Beca didn't really know how to take this. "Uh-huh, and how's _Jenny_?" Okay, that had been really rude. She could tell by the way that Nick's hands paused.

"Good, she's good. Uh, thanks for asking? I guess."

She just - this was stupid. She moodily grabbed the pack of cigarettes at the table and lit one.

"Whoa, there! Don't smoke right here!"

Her eyebrows went high as she turned disbelieving to level a stare at Nick. She could see the peeved look on his face and for some reason that just pissed her the fuck off.

So he gets the girl  _and_  to tell her where she can and can't smoke - in her own fucking condo?

"You  _do_  know this is my place, right Nick? I mean just because you and your wife have gotten all comfy in the living room doesn't change that."

"Bec!"

"Seriously?" He scoffed, "Do you know how bad second hand smoke is for the -"

" _Nick!_ "

Beca watched them exchange a look and her blood began to boil.

God, she was so  _stupid_!

"Right. My bad. I'll just-" She snapped, pulling herself off the couch and draining her glass, "give you two space."

"Beca!"

She kicked someone's shoe out of her way, annoyed enough that she couldn't tell if it was his or hers and let herself out onto the patio.

Maybe he would just take her back now, maybe that was why he was here. He would just take her back and life would go back to normal.

She pulled out her phone and found she was angry, for the first time possibly ever, to see that Hunny hadn't responded to her text. Beca scoffed into the night. She guessed she knew why Hunny had disappeared now. Chloe hadn't really explained  _why_  she had slapped Hunny but it was  _super great_  that she had come in, taken all hope from her and then had scared off the only woman who  _did_ kind of want her. Great.

She took a large drag, letting her head drop back to look up at the night sky and angrily blew the smoke in a thin stream at it.

Forever alone, Bec, forever alone.

And Nick was in her living room.

Fucking perfect.

Except...it  _was_ kind of fucking perfect.

A good reminder.

Even before she and Chloe had - last night - she had been starting to think...

"I probably should have warned you that he was here. I'm sorry, I didn't think about it."

Beca half turned, glancing at Chloe and just took another long drag, staring back up at the stars. "It's no big deal."

Chloe chuckled, "It obviously is."

Beca didn't respond.

"What's wrong?"

"With what?"

"Is it just Nick? Did something happen at work?"

"Nothing's wrong, Chlo."

"Beca."

She lifted her glass to her lips, only then remembering that it was empty. She frowned, wanting to kick at something again. She had been so stupid for letting this happen at all.

"Hey." She felt Chloe's arms wrap around her, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Beca grumbled, pitching her cigarette butt and trying to pull away.

Chloe held her tightly though, "If you tell me then maybe I can help," she insisted, resting her chin on Beca's shoulder.

The touch made Beca twitch all over.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, you totally seem fine." Chloe let out a breathy chuckle, her nose burrowing through Beca's hair to trace along her neck.

The problem was, Beca's eyes closed of their own accord, it was all too good. The feeling of her lips lightly teasing her skin like that, how could she make it stop when it was so - everything she had ever wanted?

Because it's going to break you when it turns out to just be one big experiment, Beca.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" Chloe teased, sucking a little of the skin between her teeth.

 _Fuck_.

"Chloe, stop!" Beca shrugged her off.

"What's going on, Beca?” She asked, firmly and demanding to be told, “Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I just-" she stumbled for words, annoyed when the truth exploded out of her before she could think of an evasion, "I don't really want to be anyone's gay experiment, okay?"

" _What_ _?_ "

"I don't want to be that first person you sleep with because they were there and it was easy and safe and I  _really_  don't want to be your little vacation to the Isle of Lesbos. I  _have_  feelings, dude."

"Beca,  _neither_  of those things are what is happening."

"Of course it is! It makes literally zero sense that it would be anything else."

"Is that really what you think of me?" Beca opened her mouth but Chloe cut her off, "Or is that really all that you think of  _yourself_?"

Okay, she didn't know how to answer that. "The fuck does that mean?"

"Did you just  _decide_  this today? Without talking to me? Without even asking me?"

She watched Chloe's arms cross, her chin jutting and Beca scowled thinking of herself chain smoking in the booth alone, "...No."

"Uh huh." Chloe stared her down and Beca began to fidget. "Is there really no other reason in your mind why I could be sleeping with you?"

 _Sleeping with_? As in, going to keep happening? As in - not 'slept' but sleeping? She had said that thing this morning but Beca had assumed that was just one of those things women said even if they didn't mean it.

"Err…"

"Right."

Why did she feel stupid now? But it still didn't make sense.

She opened her mouth to speak but before the words could come she glanced over Chloe's shoulder at the man still sitting on the couch. Her insides went cold again.

Oh yeah.

"Look, your husband is waiting for you."

Chloe's face hardened.

"I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed."

She blew by Nick and was upstairs in a second, feeling so much better now that there was some space between herself and them.

Chloe just didn't get it.

It didn't make any sense.

She couldn't just be her lapdog. Cream, sugar, and orgasms? Yes, ma'am! Anything to make you happy.

 

The hot water felt great on her irritated skin.

She knew that perhaps she was being a little stupid. Even if Chloe was just using her as a safe, fun time before she moved on to other women or back to Nick, she shouldn't really complain. It was better than nothing, right? She was going to have to face that moment when Chloe left again no matter what, whether it was to go back to Henderson, to move somewhere new or simply on to another partner, a real one. Did it really matter if they had slept together a few times? Not really. It would kill her either way.

"Is there really no other reason in your mind why this could have happened?"

"SHIT! FUCK!" Beca's heart beat hard in her chest as Chloe's shrill angry voice suddenly filled the bathroom.

"Nothing you can look back on, Beca, that would give you any clue?"

"Jesus! You can't just trap me in the shower to yell at me!"

"None at all?"

"I don't know, Chloe!"

The shower curtain flew to the side and Beca felt herself gulp at the look of fury on Chloe's face. Chloe's seriously pissed off face was a little intense. Her eyes got a little - yikes. She  _could_  have a temper - when she wanted to.

"You just don't get it, Chlo!"

"No,  _you_  don't get it, Beca! I discovered something about myself! Yes, it took a lot for me to get there, I  _know_  that but that does not mean I'm using you for what exactly? For sex?"

"Um."

"Or is this just a Beca flake out? Huh? Is that what this is? Yet another Beca flake out? Run away before anything can get too serious."

"Uh. That's-"

"No! I don't even understand how you  _got_ yourself here, things were fine this morning. I thought you were happy with this!"

"I  _was_ -"

"But that's the point, right? This made you _happy_ so naturally it must be a trick or some type of game, right?"

"Um."

"That - Oh, that is just - oh!" Chloe growled, her cheeks pink and with an angry scoff, she flipped the shower faucet all the way to cold. She turned on her heels and stormed from the room shouting a ' _That's right_ ' over her shoulder with a snap when Beca let out a high screech as the water turned to ice.

 

****

 

She was _trying_  not to slam things around in the kitchen; she just wasn't doing a very good job.

She was just so  _mad_!

Beca had clearly spent all day talking herself into this idea that she was just using her and that was just  _so_  like Beca.

Don't talk.

Don't ask.

Just retreat.

Just flake out and disappear right when she was needed most.

She heard Beca's feet on the stairs a few minutes later but she didn't look up, still bubbling with fury.

Was that really what Beca thought? Really?

It was ironic considering that all Chloe had wanted  _all day long_  was for her to simply be home again. All she had wanted to do today was talk to her - about anything. Just so she could be beside her.

Not that she hadn't also spent half the day thinking about the other things they could be doing too.

She had felt great all day.

She had felt absolutely outside of herself.

Happy.

She had no idea what the future was going to look like, especially when Nick had handed her their insurance information that afternoon, but she had wanted to talk about it. Or at least talk about talking about it.

Now she just felt angry and a little defensive.

And a little like she wanted to  _prove_  to Beca just how much she wasn't planning on running back to Nick. It wasn't a vacation she was on, not at all. This felt... _true_.

And Beca was spoiling it! "Ugh!" She slapped the cup down on the counter, thankful when it did not break.

She listened to the sound of Beca's feet approaching unable to decide if she wanted her to talk to her or if she wanted space.

She could feel the upset tension rolling off of Beca as she leaned against the counter behind her.

Chloe's jaw set.

"Okay so then, is that - what this is?"

"What?" she snapped back.

"Is that what this is? Because it would make a lot of sense. Nick probably really hurt you and we've been friends for a long time. I'm the safe choice. I get that. I know that I should be flattered but-"

She saw Beca flinch when she flipped around, "If I wanted to simply see what it was like to sleep with a woman I could do that with anyone! You are not the only one of our friends who sleeps with women! This is _Los Angeles_! There are women loving women _everywhere!_ " She took a deep breath, unsure of how to express exactly what had happened to her, "I kissed you Beca because I realized that I had always wanted to; because I couldn't  _stop_ myself! I couldn't even make it longer than a few hours once I realized. Not because I was trying something on and  _definitely_  not as something to try before going back to Nick! Why would you even think that?"

She watched Beca's face split into a hesitant smile.

"The idea that it would be anything else is just ridiculous. This  _isn't_  funny! Stop smiling at me like that."

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you  _are_ , Beca!" She could  _see_  her smile, was she really going to argue with her about this?

Beca's hand went to her lips, feeling them and flushing, "Okay, I'm sorry."

"I just- I can't even-" she turned away again. Maybe it was her turn for a shower and bed before she freaking  _killed_  her. Beca caught her by the back of the shirt. "Let go!"

"I'm sorry!" she shouted over her, "I'm sorry, okay?!"

Chloe let out another impressive growl, trying to reach behind her and rip her shirt from Beca's hand.

"This isn't me flaking out. I got all in my head - I guess."

"Without  _even_  talking to me! You just decided I was using you without even talking to me!" she spun, how the hell was she still holding her?

"Chloe! Chill out for a second, I'm trying to apologize."

"Oh really? Is that what's happening? Because I couldn't tell." She stopped spinning and instead crossed her arms, waiting.

Beca floundered for a moment, "It just doesn't make sense, dude!"

"What? What doesn't make sense?"

"Hearing you say things like you realized that you had always wanted to kiss me! That just - there's no way!"

"How can you say that?"

"Because that isn't how things work for me!"

Chloe stumbled for a moment, her frustration stealing her words. How was she supposed to respond to that?

"There's no way you can  _actually_  be a lesbian, let alone in my bed because that would be-"

And there it was again, this idea that she  _couldn't_  be gay.

How had she not proven that she _was_ last night?

"Do you remember that night that we did that stupid massage class together?" She spat.

Beca frowned, confused by the sudden change of topic, "What? The one like-"

"Right after I got married? Nick couldn't go so you came with me, remember?"

"What about it?"

"We spent like two hours touching each other. That was the whole class, listening to the instructor and  _touching_  one another." Beca blushed. "You know what I did when I went home? Like, _as soon_ as I got home?"

"What?"

Chloe didn't answer, instead she just crossed her arms tighter, her lips going into a thin embarrassed line as she remembered locking the bathroom door and touching herself with a desperation that she hadn’t been able to explain.

" _Really_?"

"So don't tell me that I can't be gay and  _don't_ tell me that I can't be gay  _for you_!" She shouted, her arms waving in annoyance.

Beca was still staring at her, eyes wide and hand covering her mouth, "Did you really just tell me that?"

"Beca!"

"I don't know if I'm more turned on or - I don't know - impressed?"

Chloe scowled.

"What was it about that? What did I do?"

She was already regretting her moment of sharing, even as Beca grabbed her arm and pulled her to her.

"Can I do it again?"

"Beca!" But there was a lot less steam in it now, Beca just looked so happy all of the sudden.

"Can I give you another massage, leave you alone for a while and then come back and pretend to be surprised?"

"Beca!" She swallowed, trying to stop the twitch in her lip. She didn't want to laugh.

"So you're gay for me, huh?"

"Oh my  _god, Beca_!"

"Like a little gay or like Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor kind of gay?"

How was Beca always so cute?

She felt Beca pulling on her chin and went into the kiss willingly enough.

"A little gay." She finally admitted, sullen.

"A little? Really?" Beca slid her hands down her side, pulling her back in by the ribs.

Chloe felt the room spin ever so slightly, "Kind of gay."

"Kinda?"

"Mmm-hmm. Oh god." It had just slipped from her mouth as Beca, in teasing challenge, softly ran her hand - rather unexpectedly - over the apex of Chloe's jeans.

How did other people survive this? How did they make it into adulthood if this was what being touched by someone else had felt like for them since they were teenagers?

"Okay, really gay, really gay!" Chloe cried as Beca began to suck on the hollow of her throat. “Kate McKinnon in Ghostbusters kind of gay.”

"Hmmm?"

She could tell that Beca had lost the point of this game. "Bec, if you're just going to flake out then I don't want to do this, friendship, nothing. I don't know what things will look like for me, I don't even know if we could keep doing this. I don't know. But I don't want to constantly have one eye on you, waiting for you to run again."

Beca pulled back, studying her face, "I don't know how to trust this."

"But it's  _me_ , it's still  _me._  Have I ever left you behind?"

Beca chewed her lip so Chloe leaned in and took it from her, sucking it lightly and listening to the surprised, shaking sound that came from her.

"Bec, we need to talk about something."

"Can we talk later?" Beca's voice had grown raspy again and between that and the feeling of Beca's mouth bruising her throat, she wasn't sure she could stay upright.

She needed to talk to Beca about this.

Beca needed to know.

Instead, she moaned as Beca pushed them backward, through and into the living room.

"Bec," Chloe groaned, "baby-" she let her shirt be pulled off and was scrambling to remove Beca's as well, "there's a-"

"Ooooh,  _fuck_ , say that again." Beca groaned, biting the swell of her cleavage hard enough to make her shudder.

What? What had she - oh - she had meant - still she felt herself dissolve as she pulled her in closer, grinning to herself as she whimpered in her ear, "Beca… _baby_."

Beca let out a small keen, vaulting at her, kissing her with fire; knocking them backward as the little sign of possession set her off.

It was so  _easy_ to just completely lose herself, it was amazing. She didn't even know how she got from standing with Beca to lying over her naked on the couch, she had no idea but it was wonderful. Skin was meant to touch skin like this, she was positive. She loved the feeling of letting her arms go and pressing fully against her, their legs tangling.

Beca was just so soft, she couldn't stop running her hands over her skin.

No wonder men loved this so much.

"What- what are you thinking about so intently?"

Chloe licked her lips, momentarily shy, her hands hovering. "Nothing special, I'm just enjoying you. Is it like this with everyone you've been with?"

Beca's head came up off the couch cushion, "What?"

Chloe shrugged, "I'm just curious. I know you've been with other women, Beca."

"Right now? You're curious about the other women I've been with right now?"

"Yeah." Chloe bit her lip, finally giving in and running her hand from hip to rib, "Does it feel different with me? Or does it always feel the same?" She watched fascinated as she brushed her fingers over her breasts, watching them change. She supposed that there was something like that with Nick too - but this - this was so much better. This was the best. She closed her mouth around one, her body hitching hungrily when Beca's fingers crawled down her back.

"Not - the - same." Beca finally got out.

"How is it different?"

Her head suddenly shot up, hair smacking Beca in the face, "Oh god, is it that they're better? I know this is new for me-"

Beca pulled her in for a kiss, letting her own fingers explore. "Different means different."

"Is there something I could be doing better? I mean, you would tell me, right?"

"Chlo."

"What?"

"Shut up."

Chloe laughed as Beca pulled her to her.

She had never felt this - in control, this completely and solidly  _out_ of control - or - this proud with Nick. She felt Beca pull her hips in, pressing herself tightly against her thigh, begging.

Her mouth went dry, her eyes wide.

Chloe rolled once, marveling as she watched Beca's face tense, her eyebrows pulling together as her lips parted. Chloe leaned in, letting her tongue slowly slip between Beca's lips, pressing and dancing against hers.

How had she gone so long without this?

She ran her fingers through Beca's hair, holding it away from her face as she rolled again and again until finally she was leaning back holding Beca's hips to her while she moved, feeling herself gasping and cooing with pleasure as she watched Beca's stomach roll.

Amazing.

Beca was amazing.

She leaned forward and kissed just below her belly button.

She hadn't done any of this last time. Yes, she had touched Beca and yes she had watched her climax, a few times even, but she hadn't taken over this way, she hadn't let herself simply  _do_  whatever she wanted to do.

It was intoxicating.

She kissed just beside her hipbone, sucking until there was a small red bruise.

"Is there anything I shouldn't do?" She hadn't meant to ask, it was supposed to stay in her head but the words had a mind of their own.

Beca let out a short laugh, "There is literally nothing that I would be opposed to right now."

"Nothing?"

"NothiJESUSCHRIST!"

Chloe had leaned in, just for the sake of curiosity and placed a gentle kiss in the most intimate place she could.

Wow.

She…

Wow.

She felt her tongue dart out quickly, touching her and her head swam.

Oh god.

It was like magic; arousing, beautiful magic.

Tentatively she touched her, exploring her in this new way.

She had seen Beca's body move in so many ways over the years with the Bellas, she had seen her hips roll, she had felt her tiny waist against her own and yet, none of that had anything on this way of moving, sliding and pushing.

"Yeah." She let out.

"Wha- what?"

She looked up and found Beca stretched taut, her hands pressing into the arm of the couch above her head; the sight only confirming her thoughts. She took a second, resting her forehead against Beca’s hip and just tried to breathe. "Yeah, I'm really, really fucking gay."

Beca burst out laughing, "Yeah, it sure seems like it right now," but the laughter was silenced quickly by a deep moan as Chloe touched her again.

"Bec?"

Beca tried to answer but it seemed words were failing her.

"What's your favorite?"

"Favorite  _what_?"

"I don't know - of this?"

"Position or - what, I dunno, taste? Oh my god, why are you asking me questions right now?"

"Because I want to know!" She cried, enjoying the laughter she felt building in her stomach. Apparently sex crazed Beca was even better than smirky, smug Beca.

"I don't know! I'll -  _show_  you later."

"Okay. What about -"

"Oh my god,  _Chloe_!" Beca shot up, pressing her against the opposite arm of the couch, "Stop asking me questions right now!"

This wasn't how she had been the night before, Beca's motions had been soft and gentle; not that she was rough or anything less than sweet but she felt her mind separate, turning to a puddle as Beca sank into her, instantly rocking fast.

She couldn't - she couldn't - think - she couldn't breathe so she just wrapped her arms and legs around her, pulling her as closely as she could.

"Fuck! Bec! Fuck!"

She felt Beca chuckling and as much as she wanted to say something, tease her, anything, she couldn't, she couldn't get any words out around the sounds that were being pulled from her throat. So she gave up, letting her head fall back over the arm of the couch, her mouth open as she panted and moaned.

"This is my favorite part," Beca grunted, breathless. "Hearing you sound like that because of me, that's my favorite." She pulled another high long sound from her as though to prove her point, picking up speed.

"Oh god. Wow!" she cried, clawing at Beca's back. How was it possible to feel like this? How -

"Wow? Really? All I get is a _wow_?"

"Shutup!" she cried, sounding like a kettle's whistle.

"Don't tell me to shut up, I tell you to shut up," Beca said, in a deep teasing voice.

"Ohmygod,what'swrongwithyourightnow?"

"Shut up, I'm happy."

"Fuck! Bec! Oh god, oh - then shut up and finish what you started!" She loved it, this teasing banter even here in this moment. Beca moved faster, scraping her teeth along Chloe's jaw, "Oh fuck!"

"See, that's so much better than  _wow_."

" _Shit._ Ohgod, Bec- fuck - I'm - Bec, I'm -"

"Chloe."

" _What_ _?_ " she cried, half ready to kick her brat of a lover off of her as she pulled her face down so she could make eye contact.

She looked into deep blue eyes, dark with desire and had to hold on, clinging to the edge by her fingernails, each twist making her eyes roll back.

Beca's face was serious, concerned, "Chlo."

"What? What's - oh - what's wrong? I'm so - so close, Bec,  _what?_ "

" _Don't blow it unless it's actually happening_."

"Oh my god, you did not just do that!" But it was too late, Beca did  _something_ particularly wonderful and she was laughing as she crashed all around herself, wave after wave. She felt Beca stiffen, moaning against her ear as Chloe held her tight.

"Oh my god I've never laughed while I came before. I didn't know that was possible!"

Beca clicked her tongue, "I've got mad skillz, babe."

"What's  _wrong_  with you?" She cried, biting her lip as Beca teasingly backed away, her shoulders bouncing. She could see so much happiness in that puckish smirk that Chloe could only answer in kind.

"Don't hate on my skillz, Chlo."

" _Oh my god_ _!_ "

But Beca was already sprinting toward the stairs.

 

She caught her just as Beca landed on her bed. Wrapping her arms around her, she playfully bit the spot in her shoulder where she knew Beca was ticklish as they fumbled across the sheets, giggling and teasing.

"Oh my god, nerd power! You can't use nerd power against me!" Beca cried as she thrashed. "Fuck! Uncle! Jesus! I'm dying!"

Chloe buried her smile in Beca's throat, breathing in her scent.

 _Her Beca_.

"Careful, otherwise I'll tickle you in the other spot, the one on the back of your knee."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would, you had better be careful!" She softly kissed her shoulder, her neck, her chin, loving the soft crinkles around her eyes as she smiled, the creases around her lips. She slid her palm over her cheek, kissing the other and sighing, "You're beautiful."

She watched some of the playfulness leave Beca's eyes, connecting with hers uncertainly.

"You are. You're beautiful, Beca."

"I-"

She pulled her in, kissing her lightly, feeling something new stirring inside of her.

This time when her fingers began to brush across her body it wasn't silly or exploratory. It was communication.

She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her tightly to her, hugging her and feeling Beca do the same.

“Bec, I – I want to, is it okay if-“

Beca was already nodding.

“I don’t want to hurt you or, I don’t know, scratch you or something.”

“You won’t.” Beca shook her head fast. “It’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Chloe, her stomach slightly nervous, leaned back and let her fingers slid down Beca’s stomach. She stopped for a moment, glancing back at Beca’s reassuring face and let her fingers fall into Beca’s soft curls, cupping and then tentatively slipping in for the first time. “ _Oh god._ ” She hadn’t known she would feel like this. She couldn't help herself, Beca's name falling from her lips over and over as she touched her, praying her affection into her.

She lost track of time, unaware if it was passing or if, for them, it had stopped.

She was speechless as she listened to Beca’s breath, to her sounds; awestruck when she felt her tense, shaking as her arms held her tightly to her.

Minutes or years later, she let Beca turn her, playing with Beca's hair as she settled across her stomach.

It was just so easy.

"That was - different."

"Yeah," Chloe smiled, curling a lock around her finger and then releasing it. "It was."

"I'm sorry about earlier."

Chloe chewed her lip, feeling Beca's fingers lightly trace her belly button.

She had wanted to talk to Beca before they went to bed together again and then she had become so thoroughly and completely distracted that she hadn't. It wasn't right. "Bec-"

"Hmm?"

But suddenly - she was afraid.

This had been what made her run last time...Nick's baby. Was she really about to do the same thing again hoping for a different reaction?

Beca's head rose, turning around to her, sensing her sudden discomfort, "What's wrong?"

"I-" she could feel her heart hammering so she reached, sliding her fingers through Beca's and holding her hand tight. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay...Chlo, you're scaring me a little here."

"No! No, it's good." Oh no, no tears, not right now. "Just - hold my hand, okay? Don't - don't run from me."

"Yeah, not feeling any better about this."

Chloe bit her lip, running her free hand through the tangle of Beca's hair, "Sweetie, I'm pregnant."

Beca's face remained blank, as though she were still waiting for Chloe to tell her whatever it was she had to tell her. "Oh! ….. OH!... _Ooooooooh_!" Chloe watched surprise and understanding cross her face. " _That's_ why you've been turning down every drink I make you - and leave every time I smoke…. _shit_! I'll smoke outside… _shit_! I'll quit smoking, oh fuck! Fuck! That was why Nick was such a dick! Oh god, should I not say fuck - or dick? Can it hear me? Shit!" Beca's hand had clamped down on her belly as though that would cover the tiny, not yet formed ears. "Crap!" Her hands flew off of her stopping midair, "Am I crushing you? Am I squishing it! Oh god, what if I flattened it like a pancake!" Beca looked up at her, slightly crazy eyed, "That can't happen, right? I mean, I can't squash it."

Chloe slowly shook her head, stunned.

"Okay." Beca settled back down, gently as if suddenly Chloe were made of delicate blown glass. She stared, her eyes wide and open at Chloe's smooth belly as if seeing it anew. Softly her fingers touched her skin and then flattened out, " _Really_?" she squeaked and then - to Chloe's surprise, Beca leaned forward and kissed her just over her belly button, "There's really a  _baby_  in there?"

"Umm-hmm."

Beca's head came back up again, worried, "Is it okay for me to be here?"

Chloe just nodded.

She had been so afraid. This was so not the reaction she had been expecting. Not at all. She watched Beca carefully rest her head over her belly, tracing the gentle lines in her abdomen.

"Do you know if it's a girl or boy yet?"

"Not yet."

"Do you know what you want?" Beca asked with a small smile.

"Healthy."

"Well yeah!" She rolled her eyes, "I just meant, you know, if you could choose."

Chloe didn't have to think about it, "A little girl."

Beca's face came off of her belly again and once again Chloe was baffled by what she saw there, " _A legacy?_ " Her voice squeaked, her smile was so huge, her eyes twinkling so brightly; it took Chloe's breath away. "How long? I mean, um, how far?"

"I'm not sure." She admitted, "A few weeks."

"You don't  _know_?"

She watched the same furious look she had seen on Nick's face now spread across Beca's, "Everyone is so quick to be mad at me for that but this is my  _fourth_  pregnancy, Bec and I'm still not a mother."

Beca sat up again, "You  _are_  a mother. You just don't have your baby yet."

Warmth spread through her as she reached up and touched Beca's cheeks, "You're being so sweet to me."

Beca frowned, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Chloe thought of all the things she could say, but instead she just pulled her in, kissing her long and slow.

"Do you really think that you're not going to keep it?"

"I don't know, Beca. I never have. I used to think it was karma, like some kind of punishment for something I've done wrong. Maybe it was just for not living my life the way that I should, or living my life true to myself; for basically lying to myself for years but now...I don't know. The odds are I won't keep this one any more than I kept the others."

For a brief second the thought of that day crossed her mind, the day when she would start to hurt, start to bleed and a crash of panic hit her, her hand went over Beca's on her stomach.

"But what if you do?"

"Do what?"

"Keep it."

Chloe shook her head and shrugged, "Nick will be a great dad, I know he will."

"Right." She saw something dark cross Beca's face, "Yeah, totally. Daddy Nick. I hadn't - well, I heard Henderson is a great place to raise a kid." She watched Beca's face grow darker, shade by shade.

"Beca, I don't want to go back, I don't. And I don't know that I am going to go back. But if I don't then I will have nothing, nowhere to live, no job, no money, no way to take care of myself let alone a baby."

"That's not true, Chlo. Stay here, stay with me." She watched Beca crawl up her and took the kiss that was given to her, sighing when Beca curled up beside her, a hand sliding over her stomach.

"Beca, I can't just go from one person to the next. I - I need to take care of myself. I might be having a baby, I need - oh god, I need a job and an apartment and - and a life."

"Let me help you."

"Beca…" She couldn't find the words to explain. She just knew - she needed to do this on her own – that she couldn’t... So instead she asked, "So. Are you serious about that quitting smoking thing?"

 


	16. Chapter 16

Beca was a bundle of nerves the next morning. At first, Chloe thought it was due to her revelation the night before, especially after Beca had all but bitten her head off for 'doing yoga in the hot sun, that can't be good, right?'. But then, when Chloe had finally gathered her courage and made the call to schedule an appointment with an OB, she noticed the date. Beca's meeting with Kendra was the following morning.

Beca hadn't brought it up herself which meant that she was absolutely terrified.

"Hey, Beca," Chloe had to raise her voice to be heard from across the pool. She was sitting beside the minibar, sipping at a morning juice she had made, once again 'in the hot sun' which Beca still didn't seem to like.

Nick had been like that too her first pregnancy, treating her like a delicate flower, but by the third he was an old hand at this. She had to wonder, if she was in L.A. for the whole pregnancy would Beca eventually loosen up too? Could she be in L.A. for the whole pregnancy? How?

"Bec!" She called again.

Beca had thoroughly and completely refused to even consider giving up cigarettes at this point in her life, even when Chloe had insisted it was her health she was concerned for. She was also refusing to allow Chloe within twenty feet of her when she had a cigarette lit which meant that Beca had spent the majority of the morning sitting in a lounge chair at the far end of the pool pretending not to be upset - by herself.

"Did you call me?" Beca yelled back.

"Is there any chance that you've been chain smoking all morning because tomorrow is your meeting?"

"...No."

"Are you sure?"

"...No."

"Bec - I appreciate that you're worried about this baby but can you please just put the cigarette out so we can have a conversation before you have to go to work?"

"...What?"

"Can you - ugh." She pulled herself up and started over.

"Dude! Smoking! Stop!"

But the cigarette was out long before she even approached, Beca frantically waving at the air to clear the residue.

Chloe sat at the end of the chair, tucking her legs beneath her. "Tomorrow."

"Oh god, don't talk about it." Beca's face went green and for a moment, Chloe was honestly alarmed that perhaps Beca was about to be sick on her.

"Whoa, Beca, only one of us is allowed to be sick at this time of the day!" As she had hoped, that seemed to knock Beca away from the verge.

"Wait, have you been getting sick every morning and I just haven't noticed? Is my head really that far up my own ass?"

"No." She gave her the best smile she could muster, "I was just teasing."

Actually, it was the thing that made her sure that Nick had been wrong. She had been sleepy, she had been a little hungry and somewhat sore but all of those things could be attributed to yoga and the running in a new climate. She hadn't been sick and every other pregnancy she had been absolutely miserable within a few weeks. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t just that she thought Nick was wrong – she kind of thought that there was nothing growing inside of her at all. "Are you nervous?"

"Ummm," Beca let out a long breath, "nooo...it's just like, a really big freaking deal. And I listened to the track and I have ideas and everything but she totally might not like them and then I have no idea what I'll do and tonight I probably have to go out because I also have to finish EZ's track and he will want to go and celebrate and I so don't want to go and sit there and drink with him when I could be here working on her track some more or relaxing so my head doesn't explode but -"

"Baby." Honey, sweetie, babe; those had always been the kind of pet names Chloe had used in past relationships. She had never really been a 'baby' kind of girl but Beca had reacted so strongly to it the night before that she gave it another try. Sure enough, Beca's cheeks went pink, she let out a small giddy laugh and stopped rambling. "You know what?"

"What?"

Chloe pretended to think for a minute, her hands running up and down Beca’s thighs, "You haven't taken me out  _anywhere_  since I arrived. We haven't even gone out to eat."

"Uhhh - what?" Beca's was voice a dry, deadpan.

"I'm just saying, it hasn't happened. Maybe tonight when you are done with work we can put on something," she bit her lip playfully, "sexy and go out."

"Chloe-"

"That way you can't go out with EZ - because you have a  _hot_  date."

Beca's smile grew as she understood Chloe's meaning.

"And then we can come home early and you can tell me what you were thinking for Kendra's track."

She wasn't sure she completely knew what the look on Beca's face was but she definitely liked it, "You're kinda great, you know that, right?"

"Uh, yeah!" She took a deep breath, "Look, you can't worry too much about what's going to happen with Kendra. She came to you. She already likes your work. Just be prepared and be awesome like you always are."

"You make that sound so simple."

"It is. Just be yourself. You'll be prepared. You'll be at the top of your game because you are you."

Beca rolled her eyes but her smile was coming easier now.

"So, what do you think about that date?"

"Is it like a real date? Like a  _date_ -date?"

Chloe was surprised to feel butterflies blossom, "Do you  _want_  it to be?"

"Um, only since freshman year."

Chloe stood and winked, "Okay."

"Okay?" Beca called after her as Chloe started inside. "What does okay mean? Chlo?...Chloe?"

 

Beca was ready for work an hour later, looking a bit nervous again. "What are you gonna do today?" She asked, throwing her phone and wallet into her back pockets.

"Nick is going home today so I'm going to see him and say goodbye."

Beca paused, her hand raised halfway to put a cigarette for the road between her lips, "He is? So, uh, you're staying then? Or I mean, you're uh, not going with him? Even with the baby?"

"Is that okay with you? It's not forever, but I think that L.A. is where I want to resettle." She had been thinking about it all morning. She wouldn't have anything if she didn't go back to Henderson but - there was no rush, right? She could easily wait a little while, see if she could find a life of her own and if she couldn't... "If I resettle anywhere, I mean." She sent Beca a quick side glance, trying to read if she was really okay with this. "I mean, you and Emily are here. I don't have two people anywhere else in the world unless you consider my parents."

"Yeah, let's not consider them, though. Um, yeah, Chlo, you're welcome here as long as you want. You know that. And I'm not going to complain about you sticking around my town." She beamed her best Beca-grin and Chloe couldn’t help but to meet it with one of her own.

"Thanks."

"Okay, so I'm gonna head out. I'll see you tonight."

"Oka-" but her words were cut off by a quick peck from Beca as she shuffled through her pockets looking for something. "Oh!"

"See you."

She watched Beca stumble out the front door, swearing as she nearly tripped over nothing and was gone. She had to wonder, had Beca realized the significance to how casual that kiss had been?

 

Here was the thing...Beca...she was crazy about her; she always had been long before their so recent first kiss. She had been crazy about her since she stepped into her shower…like crazy-crazy about her. But...this was complicated. Staying in L.A. didn't mean running into a relationship with her - or anyone - it didn't mean – she couldn’t - well, there was no point in thinking about that yet, not so quickly.

 

Nick came over a few hours later looking just as nervous as Beca had been that morning.

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't like leaving you here, that's all."

"I'm going to be fine, Nick."

"What are you going to do? Are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"I'm going to - I don't know - search for my life, I guess. It's kind of exciting." She gave him a hopeful little grin.

He stared at her for a while, eyes wide. "Motherfucker, you're actually fucking leaving me."

"Nick! Whoa, wait! What?"

"No, I don't mean like that. It's just crazy to think that it's really happening. It's over."

"Awe.” She gave him a small frown, resting her hands on his chest as she had done a million or more times over the past years, “Don't think of it that way. Think of it as the beginning of something for you and Jenny."

His hands, just like they always had, fell to hers, holding them lightly, “And you’re really okay with this?”

She thought for a moment, her bottom lip protruding, “Yeah.” She finally answered, “I think I have to be. It’s not right for us to stay together, Nick.”

“I know.”

“I mean – it’s weird.”

He laughed, loud and hard, “Yeah, it is. Look at that,” he spoked her in the throat, “is that a hickey?”

“What?” She touched her neck, knowing full well it was.

He just shook his head, looking down at her fondly, “Plus, it’s not like you’re going to be totally gone from my life, right? We’re going to be friends.”

She gave a small little nod and stuck out her hand for him to shake, “Friends.”

“That really is a big hickey though.”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a shove.

He let himself be pushed, cackling before he pulled her back to him, "Will you have dinner with us or something when you come back? You're coming back eventually, right?"

She wasn't sure exactly but she thought that she maybe didn’t - "I don't know, Nick. Maybe to pack my things but-"

He frowned, "Wait, what do you mean?"

"What?"

"You're coming back to Henderson for the baby, right? Like, you're coming home once it's born."

"Hmm, I don't know, I haven't made any solid plans yet, Nick, but-"

"Chloe, that's my baby too. I want to be around."

She felt herself instantly growing flustered as the tone that had always been the precourser to a fight whipped out of him, "Nick, we've been talking about  _divorce_! What did you mean by 'leaving' if you didn't mean leaving?"

"I don't know! I thought you would stay down here for a few months and then you would get an apartment in Henderson or something. Divorce doesn't mean I don't get to know my kid! Right? Is that what we’re talking about here? I’m not cool with that!"

For just a second she looked into his face and felt a wave of pure panic. Was she going to have to go back to Henderson? Would she have a choice? "Nick."

"No, Chloe, you  _don't get_  to just make that choice. Is Beca going to be the daddy now? Is that what you're telling me?"

"What?” Her hands angrily smacked his chest before she shoved him away, peeved, “No!  _Nick_! It's been like two days!" She took a deep breath, "We don't even know if I'm going to carry full term. The odds are I won't. So let's not fight about this right now, okay? If it seems like I will then maybe we'll talk about it then. Okay?" In truth, she didn't know. She was only just forming vague ideas of what she  _wanted_ her future to look like. She just - she needed some time. To a serial avoider, this was...not easy.

"That's fine but I'll tell you now, Chlo, if you try to cut me out-"

"Nick!"

"Okay. I'm sorry. That was really inappropriate of me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Beca. You're right." He gave her a quick one-armed hug, "Listen, I don't want you to worry about anything right now, okay?"

"What?"

"I know everything of ours is still connected but I'm just saying, Chlo, don't worry about it, okay? Take what you need."

She pulled back a little affronted. Was he talking about  _money_? "I-"

"Come on, Chlo, everything is still _half_ yours. You still taught lessons, you still cooked two meals for me a day at least, kept the house clean, dealt with my mom and everything else. Our pre-nup says you would get alimony if we got divorced, like really good alimony – especially if we split amicably. Just think of it as that. Come on!” He cried when he saw the fire in her eyes, “I'm trying to do the right thing here!"

Chloe frowned.

"I'm just saying, don't start relying on Beca for everything yet. I saw you guys last night and I'm happy you talked, as weird as it was to see, I just - don't start relying on her for everything. She's still kind of young, Chlo."

Chloe pulled away; yes Beca was younger than her and while it was kind of a lot, their age differences have never bothered her. Nothing about Beca felt younger than she was – except for perhaps the partying and that was a new development. Any reservations Chloe had ever had about Beca – as a younger woman – had been quickly doused when the eighteen year old had swooped into Barden and taken over the Bellas with a precision that bordered on perfect.

Still, did  _no one_  think she was capable of caring for herself? She'd  _had_ her own apartment, her own car, her own job before she moved in with Nick. " _I wasn't going to_."

"Don't be mad!" He gave her that huge boyish grin again, "That's something you lesbians do, right? What's it called? The whole turkey baster on the second date thing?"

Chloe let out a dry chuckle, "I guess she got extra lucky since I came pre-pregnant."

He let out his booming laugh, "No seriously, what's it called?"

"U-hauling." She admitted through a chagrinned rumble and then shook her head as he laughed until tears ran down his face.

He tossed his arm around her and with a sigh walked her with him to the front door. "I'm worried."

"You don't need to be."

"Did you schedule an appointment?"

"Yes, I did."

"Send me a picture. And tell me if I'm right."

"Okay, Nick."

He spent a second looking down at her shaking his head, "God, my life has gotten weird."

"I know. Me too." That was an understatement.

He wrapped her in a tight hug, "Be safe."

"I will."

She was mildly surprised when he leaned in and gave her a long, chaste kiss. It was nice, a sweet way to begin an ending.

When he was gone she was surprised to find she felt.. _.free_ , like she had been liberated.

She went to the stereo, grabbed the first CD that said Beca's mix on it, turned it up full blast and then danced and danced and danced.

 

* * *

 

She had come to realize that even though she did send Beca text messages when she was at work, she rarely heard back. Beca promised, in one of her few responses, that she shouldn't worry, but the thing was, she was beginning to worry.

She had spent the afternoon on her computer, debating her options. Nick was right that he deserved to know the baby - if it was to be born - but there was such a high chance that it wouldn't be. She couldn't help but to think of what her life could be if it was she alone who made the decision, not Nick, not Marcy or her parents.

She hadn't opened craigslist or any other apartment finding site, a little afraid because she couldn't find her paper bag, something that bothered her to no end. Before coming back to L.A. she hadn't used a paper bag in over a year, she had mastered that response. Yes, she understood things had reached a different level of stress but it bothered her to feel that need again, that dependency. She hadn't let herself dwell on it though and had instead spent a while looking for available teaching positions. Officially she  _was_  a teacher. Officially she was credentialed for English and all non-instrumental music classes. She had taken her classes, she had finished her student teaching hours; the problem was that the certificate was only valid in Georgia. Luckily it looked like California was so starved for elementary teachers that they were going to make it very easy for her to transfer her credentials over. Well, perhaps easy was the wrong word, but it was possible. Teaching could be fun. She had enjoyed her student teaching and had always regretted that she had never taught officially. When she was working at the YMCA she hadn't needed her credentials. She loved what she was doing before but her credentials opened up a whole new world of job possibilities. Music programs were her heart, they were her life - but they were also always cut. She was glad that she had listened to Beca and found the time to get certified in both. 

And yes, it would be difficult. She wasn't entirely sure how to begin a new career  _and_  have a new baby without support but she would manage, she always had. 

For a moment she even considered going back to school. She could probably do both...all of it...maybe...and with the extra hours she had put in, she wasn't far from a grad degree. It wouldn't take her long. Then again...maybe she was biting off more than she could chew with that thought. Maybe one day. It wasn't needed right now and plus, she reminded herself, if she needed more work there was always dancing exotically. There had to be a call for that type of thing, right? She shuddered at her own joke, trying not to picture what that job would look like for her in six months if this pregnancy held.

 

But she had put the computer away hours ago.

She had taken herself upstairs for a shower. She straightened her hair, done her makeup and had thrown on her best skirt and heels.

Only Beca wasn't home.

It wasn't so late, honestly, not late enough she should be concerned but she had a very strange feeling in the pit of her stomach when the clock rolled around to nine and her phone remained silent.

She supposed she didn't know Beca's routine perfectly, but in the weeks she had been there Beca was usually home by now, right? Unless she was going to The Royal, that was.

She grabbed her phone and pressed the call button beside Beca's name, not really surprised when the phone clicked over to voicemail.

She sighed; it was silly to be too worried. Beca was fine, she was working. Yes, she was a little disappointed, if Beca wanted time to work on the tracks then they probably wouldn't be able to spend much time together but that was okay, of course it was.

Then again, what if Beca wasn't at work?  
What if she was at the club with EZ? She had seemed pretty excited about the possibility of a date earlier in the day but she had also said that EZ would want to celebrate and she knew that EZ was considering moving over to P.J.

She frowned. She didn't like the way that EZ boxed Beca into a corner, 'come out and play with me or I'll find a new friend'. In the morning Beca was going to regret not having had this extra time to prepare, she had only gotten the phone calls few days ago; she hadn't been given a lot of time.  
Oh god, in the morning.  
Her meeting with Kendra.  
Would Kendra still be interested in her if she arrived smelling like the club and in her sunglasses? Kendra was looking for someone who was safe for her sobriety, right? She was looking for someone who was more concerned with making music than with partying, right?

She felt her lips purse together. Well, it was Beca's choice. Hopefully, she would make a good one and come home sooner rather than later.

 

Chloe did well letting it go for about an hour before it started to creep back into her mind. She had settled in front of the television, putting on a silly movie that she didn't have to pay full attention to and while it had initially given her a few laughs, her mind was drifting back into stressful waters.

 _Hadn't_  Beca wanted to go out with her tonight? Was she just being a little overly sensitive? Probably, she was known to do that. But…she felt a little…stood up.

 

By eleven, she had to accept that Beca was at The Royal and she wasn’t coming hoem for their date or the tracks.

And Chloe was kind of mad.

Okay, she was really mad.

It wasn't fair or her right, she shouldn't be angry.

She should go upstairs, take a relaxing bath, take off her pantyhose, wash out her straightened hair, take off her makeup and put herself to bed; she knew she should but instead she was standing in the front hallway staring down at her heels and arguing with herself.

She shouldn't do it.

She shouldn't.

She should go upstairs.

But she still stood staring at them, glaring at them.

Every now and then she could feel her very Chloe-like tendency to _do_ before she thought her actions through and she was feeling it now. Usually those moments didn't work out well for her – then again – her last one had gotten her into bed with Beca and so far that had been  _great_!

Damn it!

She turned, going to the bathroom to check her face. She had no right. Beca was not her...woman...not really, not officially. She had no right to go and take her back, especially if she was working.

Only that was  _all_  that Chloe could think about doing.

She wasn't possessive.

Well.

Okay, maybe she  _could_ be but - she was just _fed up_! She was fed up hearing about how Beca wanted things to change, she was fed up worrying about her and she was  _fed up_  wondering if somewhere at The Royal Hunny was perhaps sweet talking her way into the pants of the woman who  _was not_  her woman.

Her feet were in her heels before she had agreed to this course of action.

Maybe this was a bad idea but it was worth a try.

 

Parking was  _impossible_  all around The Royal. It seemed they had the main street in front of it blocked off, so she couldn't get to the parking lot. That was fine, if not a little annoying. Street parking in this neighborhood was not the easiest to handle.

Everywhere she looked were people dressed in their best, heading to places a lot like where she was going.

Finally she found a spot a few blocks away and took a deep breath. The city around her was pumping; people screaming, laughing, dancing. The mood was infectious.

Before moving out here with Beca she never would have known that some of L.A., at certain times of the night, really did look like the movies. There were always groups of gorgeous young adults laughing, drinking, all dressed in their fashion finest and clicking around on the tiniest of heels.  
Chloe loved heels, she wore them about half the time but she had  _no_ idea how those women stayed up while walking on things as thin as toothpicks.

She pulled herself from the car and breathed in the late summer air. It was kind of nice out here. It reminded her of nights when she and Beca would hit the town, drinking, dancing, ending up at some diner at the wee hours of the morning. That life felt like so long ago now. Maybe instead of stealing Beca away she would...steal her away for a fun night of dancing before heading home and to bed safe and sound.

Hmmm, a little dancing with Beca sounded great. And hot. No, she couldn't really drink with Beca but she didn't need it to show her a good time. She could be arm candy for a little while. The thought sent goosebumps up Chloe's spine, being Beca's arm candy? There was something about that she liked.

She crossed the street quickly against the light, fluffing her hair a bit; a little nervous. She hadn't dressed up  _for_ Beca before - then again - maybe that wasn't completely true.

"Twenty."

"What?" She jumped as she tried to pass the bouncer without thinking and his arm shot out, a thick muscle filled wall.

"Twenty buck cover."

"Oh!" She supposed that every other time she had come here she had been with Beca. She paid and entered, feeling the music pounding through her like a drum.

This wasn't so bad. She could understand the draw of the place. Fears and worries didn't exist here, did they? They couldn't survive the pounding beat.

Yes. She was going to find Beca and she was going to rock her socks off. She gave the air a little nod and turned toward the bar.

"Tony!" She cried over the music, signaling for the bartender at the end.

"Do I know you, peach?"

"I'm looking for Beca!"

"Who?"

"Um, House Bex?"

"Oh, Bex? I haven't seen her in like an hour. I think she took Hunny home or sumthin’."

_Hunny?_

Okay, she was supposed to imagine all kinds of things when Beca didn't pick up her phone for like twelve hours straight but they weren't supposed to actually happen!

She checked her phone again and it was still blank. She frowned, feeling a snake of jealousy slither through her chest. She had no reason to be upset, even if she found Beca and Hunny in one of the bathroom stalls having sex...Beca was not her girlfriend, she  _couldn't_  be. Chloe was a thirty year old, unemployed, somewhat homeless, about to be divorced, pregnant lady. Beca didn't need to take all of that on. She couldn't  _let her_  take that on. And they had only been sleeping together for a very short time…then again; Chloe had always felt a little possessive of Beca, hadn't she? Beca had  _always_  been hers, whether best friend or otherwise.

No need to be jealous. It was silly. She wouldn’t let herself be! She scoffed to herself and turned, deciding she would look around.

She didn't bother scanning the first floor, from what she had gathered Beca spent very little time on it. So she took the stairs heading to the third floor, her thoughts fluttering around the idea of stealing Beca away. She frowned as she reached the top, unless Beca had sought Hunny out. Chloe knew she was…new…at this, at being with women…had Beca…maybe…maybe she had…she chewed her lip, her insides warring. She thought of Beca sprawled across the couch, her body taut as Chloe touched her, her face tight, her teeth biting her bottom lip – was that how she looked with Hunny? Chloe had always been able to tell the difference between when she was just – doing her job – with Nick and when she was doing her job –  _well._ It was strange because their friendship, the length of their friendship usually gave Chloe a leg up when it came to all things Beca and while she had already known that Beca had a thing for having her neck kissed…she had learned that during a playful wrestling match years ago…but that was all. Their years of friendship didn't really help her in this way.

Maybe Hunny was just…better.

She turned and scanned the crowd, noticing a few men who were eyeing her openly. She frowned, clearing her throat.

It felt like it had been so long since she was last there but she supposed that wasn't really true, was it? As much as if felt like it, years hadn't actually passed since she walked in here with the Bellas that June.

Oh, the Bellas! Would she see them more if she lived in L.A.? People liked to travel to L.A., right? Then again, she had lived just outside of Las Vegas before and the only one she had seen was Aubrey.

Oh god, Aubrey. She needed to call her. Badly. They hadn't left things well, she needed to call and explain. She huffed. A lot, things had been – a lot recently.

She went to the third floor bar and asked the bartender about Beca as well but he just shook his head and told her that that EZTeez was in the party room.

"Can I just go in there?"

"If you know House then you can." He said with a shrug, already moving past her to a customer.

She debated for a minute, she didn't want to interrupt Beca's work, that wasn't why she was there. Perhaps she could just slip inside and if it looked like Beca was working then she would wait out here at the bar until she was free. Or, you know, arm candy. Maybe she could help, she was here to entertain, right? EZ had seemed to like her when they had met before.

The party room was crowded and still the moment that she entered she heard, "Strawberry!"

She frowned, confused. Was that supposed to be her? People always came up with such inventive nicknames for her and always revolving around her hair.

"You're that friend of Bex's, right? The one in that picture. We met a ways back."

"Um, picture?" She blinked, a bit uncomfortable when EZ threw his arm around her shoulder as though they were old friends.

"Yeah, lil mama's got a picture of you in her desk, though she don't want no one to know it."

"Really?" She was intrigued, had she  _always_  had a picture of her in her desk?

"Oh yeah."

She would file that one away for later. "Um, speaking of Beca - Bex - um, House, I guess, have you seen her?"

He glanced around the room, "No, not for a quick minute. Yo, Clay, you seen Bex n' Hunny?"

_Hunny._

Damn it!

"You know, mama's got a type."

"What? She told you about us?" Her head had whipped around fast, not sure if she was proud or surprised.

He threw back his head and started to laugh, "Man,  _no wonder_  Hunny's been all PMS-crazy. You're the girl who bitch slapped her ass, aren't you? I was just messin' with you, girl, but I guess I know now!"

Not sure of what else to say Chloe cleared her throat, "So, um, you haven't seen Beca then?"

"Yo EZ, we gotta scram." Someone suddenly appeared at EZ's elbow all but grabbing him away, "Po-Po's downstairs and you ain't supposed to be in no bars, man."

The police?  _What now?_ How did they all exist like this? Was the bar in trouble? Why were the police here?

"Alright, alright. Sorry, Berry-Girl, until next time. Maybe you, me and mama can have a few drinks one night." He tossed her a wink as he followed the man out the door.

Chloe cleared her throat, straightening her blouse; she didn't like that guy.

Well, it didn't seem like Beca was here. It seemed like Beca had gone home - just - possibly not to  _her_  home.

She sighed, taking a minute to glance around again.

She should go. It was silly to be here. Her mood was dropping and honestly, she didn't belong here. She knew that.

Still she scanned the second floor again, really not wanting to give into the idea that Beca had gone home with Hunny. It was dumb. She and Hunny had been having sex since long before Chloe had arrived. Why did it feel like such a nasty surprise to think that Beca was currently - busy - with her?

Why did she care so much?

Maybe she was wrong? Maybe Beca  _was_ at home. Maybe she should text her.

No, don't text her. She sighed, shaking her head at herself. Was it hurtful that they had made plans and Beca had blown them off? Yes. But the odds were she was living her old routine right now, right? Chloe wasn't a part of that. Hunny was.

She just wished she could know she was alright after this many hours of silence.

She made it down the stairs, her thoughts swimming and was just heading to the door when a flashing red light caught her eye in the back of the room. She looked up fast, pausing. Everyone knew that light and sure enough, she could see a bunch of people grouping together, whispering and talking.

An ambulance meant that there was something wrong.

The loading dock doors were propped open and that there were a number of police officers already trying to clear the crowd from the area shouting, "We don't want to close the place down so please step back, thank you, please step back."

What had happened?

She wasn't all that concerned, things happened at clubs all of the time. Still, she found her feet moving toward the crowd.

There was a wail from outside as whoever was in the ambulance was whisked away toward the hospital at full speed.

Her concern grew; whatever had happened it was serious.

"Excuse me." She touched the arm of the man at the back of the mob, "Do you know what happened?"

"Some girl, I don't know. She looked pretty out of it. Alcohol poisoning or something."

She thanked the stranger and pushed forward, her stomach boiling.

It couldn't be Beca. It couldn't be. There was no way. Beca wasn't here, she was off with Hunny or maybe even sitting on the couch at the condo wondering where the hell  _she_ had gone.

It couldn't be Beca.

It couldn't. It was just her irrational fears, her slight trauma leftover from sleeping beside Beca's unconscious body.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to step back."

"Oh!" She jumped, not having realized she had broken through the crowd. "Um, I'm sorry, but do you know who just left? Was she okay?"

"Looked like some kind of overdose, ma'am, no need to worry. Step back."

"Yes, do you know what she looked like? My friend, I-"

The officer wasn't listening, he had been distracted by another officer coming up and whispering something in his ear. She wasn't sure what was said but her stomach dropped. The officer in front of her gave a small huff and shook his head sadly, "Okay everyone, listen up. The club is now  _closed._ I need you all to move to the front exits and make your way elsewhere. I repeat,  _the club is now close!"_

"Closed? What? I don't-" What could close a club this early? Oh god, it was bad, whatever it was, it was bad. She wasn't sure what could do it, but she had a feeling it would be serious. She had to find Beca. That couldn't have been Beca, right? She pulled out her phone, ready to interrupt whatever Beca was doing, just to be sure she wasn't the one in the back of that ambulance.  
It was silly; there was no reason for her fingers to shake as they were. She had absolutely  _no_ reason to think it was Beca – except for the memory of Beca's unconscious face. Her bruises had only just faded to the point of being mostly unnoticeable, but Chloe still thought of that moment, the moment she sat down beside her bed whenever her mind went quiet.

Chloe had to plug her ears against the yelling officer as she listened, fear rising, to the phone ring and ring.  
Beca didn't pick up. Okay, that didn't have to mean anything.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but you have to go."

She nodded once, her hands fluttering around her throat. Why was she so nervous? She had no reason to be.

She called again; something was just not sitting right in her stomach.

And then she heard her.

Oh, thank god, she  _heard_ her. She hadn't realized the strangle hold she had on her nerves until the cool relief flooded through her, making her gasp.

"I DON'T KNOW, DUDE, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!"

"Beca?" She had called her name before she had even laid eyes on her, a reflex. She spun in a circle, feeling the officer trying to get her to move away but she couldn't find her, where was she? She could hear her yelling. Fear gripped a clammy hand around her heart when she realized she could hear panic, desperate, terrified panic in Beca's voice - but she couldn't  _find_  her, " _Beca_!"

Why was she so upset? That wasn't like Beca, not in public. She got angry, she yelled, she said witty remarks that could tear a person down, but she never gave in to blind upset. Had she been hurt? Maybe she had been wrong and the ambulance had been arriving, not leaving. Maybe there was more than one. Where was she?

Her alarm grew with every shrill word she heard, setting off a tiger like instinct to find her to protect her,  _where the fuck was she?_

Then one of the officers shifted to the right and she saw her, sitting in a tiny ball on one of the chairs, her legs curled up to her chest. Her face was white as paper and even from there Chloe could see that she was dirty, covered in something. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees and though she was yelling at the men around her, she was rocking ever so slightly, her eyes blank, dead.

Chloe lost her breath. It simply disappeared from her when she saw Beca's white face, making her stumble. " ** _Beca_**!" She tried to move around the officer, "I'm sorry that's my -"

"Ma'am! Please,"

"No, you don't understand,” she pushed against his restraining arms, “see her, I know her. She is who I was looking for. BECA!"  
This was not happening, she was not going to be held ten feet away, this was not happening! Hell no!

She saw Beca's head snap up at her last call, her blank eyes reeling around the crowd of onlookers in disbelief.

" **Beca**!" She pushed harder against the officer.

"Chloe?"

"Her! See! I know her! Let me go, please."

Understanding, the officer stepped to the side and Chloe jumped passed.

Beca was up and out of her seat in a second, her face crumpling like a severed marionette, " _Chloe_."

She hit her hard, nearly knocking her over as she crawled into her embrace, her face immediately hiding in her throat, her arms a death grip. The intensity of her only scared Chloe more.

"Oh my god, Beca, what happened? What happened?" She held her tightly, thankful that she was okay and she was there and not in the ambulance. Protectively, she turned them slightly as though somehow turning her away from the waiting police would shield her from whatever was wrong.

She had heard Beca freak out, she had heard Beca panic, but she had never heard this before, this hacking, body wracking, dry hyperventilating howl.

It terrified her.

"Miss, I'm sorry, but we still have a few questions."

" _Give her a minute_!"

The officer cleared his throat and nodded.

"Beca, what happened?" She had to work to pull Beca's head from her neck and when she did Beca just clung to the hands at either side of her face, shaking violently, her eyes blinking at a rate that didn’t bode well for her mental state. She was shaking like a ragdoll. Chloe studied her face, surprised when she saw it was dry, and spent a second looking for any sign of injury; sending out a silent prayer of thanks to the universe when she saw none. "What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Hunny ODed."

" _What_ _?_ " She blinked, she hadn't even thought of Hunny's absence. "Oh god. How? Where? Oh no."

"Here. In the bathroom. I just found her like a half an hour ago." Beca tried for her usual I-swear-I-don’t-care shrug but it came off like a sharp tick, one shoulder jerekd up a few times as she winced.

She realized now what Beca was covered in. Oh god. It took a second for her to swallow her stomach back down, appalled and disgusted. Oh Hunny, what are you doing, sweetie, what are you _doing_?

"I was at the studio late with P.J. and then I came with EZ to have a drink, I swear I was on my way home, Chlo but I had seen her earlier and she hadn’t sound right so I went looking for her. She was in the bathroom with this guy," but here Beca stopped, her face twisting again.

"Okay, okay, come here," She cooed, pulling Beca back to her, holding her securely.

"Miss, if you would  _just_ tell us what happened you could  _go_."

Beca spun, her hand closing so tightly on Chloe's arm that she whimpered. "I  _AM_ TELLING YOU! I FUCKING SAW HER, SHE FUCKING SOUNDED FUCKING WEIRD, SO WHEN I DIDN'T FUCKING SEE HER AGAIN BEFORE I WAS FUCKING LEAVING I LOOKED FOR HER! SHE WASN'T ON THE FUCKING DANCE FLOOR SO I WENT TO THE BATHROOM WHERE SHE FUCKING IS HALF THE FUCKING TIME WITH SOME HOOK UP! HE WAS DEAD. SHE WAS DYING! OKAY? THAT'S ALL THERE FUCKING IS TO THE FUCKING STORY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING SAY?"

He was  _dead_? " _Beca_ …" She softly closed her hand over Beca's white knuckled one. Someone had died?

"Do you know where the substance came from, ma'am?"

"What? NO! HOW ARE YOU NOT HEARING ME? I GOT THERE AFTER THAT! I GAVE YOU WHAT HUNNY HAD ON HER! THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TO THE STORY!"

"I'm sorry, I know this is difficult but -"

Beca let out a strange noise and her head just fell back to Chloe's shoulder, shaking all the harder.

"Can't we do this later? Or another time? Isn't there anyway?" Chloe held her tight, trying to slow the trembling.

"Are you going to the hospital?"

Beca nodded into her neck.

"Yes, we will," she answered for her.

"Alright then, we'll send somebody by to get the last few details in an hour."

"Thank you, officer."

It was clear Beca felt better when the police were no longer hovering so she pulled her into a dark corner, further away from the murmuring people. "Sweetie, hey, what do we need to do? Can we go to the hospital? Do you need to stay?" God, how could she help?

It took Beca a few long minutes to think, "We need to call Emily. And I should call Hunny’s agent. And EZ, I need to let him know. He's - he's upstairs. He's not allowed to be in bars."

"Okay. Well. EZ left. I saw him. Why don't you go and smoke and I will call Emily, okay?"

"Yeah." Beca blinked a bit too slowly, "Okay."

Chloe watched Beca robotically turn and shuffle toward the loading dock doors, shoving hard when one of the police officers tried to both her path. Chloe winced. She wasn't sure, was Beca high as well or - was she just traumatized?

She had to go out front and a ways down the street in order to make the call, the buzz in the bar seemed to be at an unnatural high as the police pushed people out.

"Emily? I'm sorry, I know it's late. Hunny overdosed. I think you should meet us at the hospital." She hadn't been sure how to say it so simply  _saying_ it had seemed like the best idea.

"She did? On what?"

"I'm not sure." She had another unsettling moment then as she realized that Emily - didn't sound all that surprised.

"Okay. I'll meet you."

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks." She took a deep breath but she found that she couldn't hang up the phone. So instead she just sat, silent. Beca and Hunny – they must have been so scared. They must  _be_ so scared. She took a deep breath, feeling her eyes prickle and a tear drop from one. She had no idea if they were okay; she had never been here before.

"Second time in a few weeks," Emily said, her voice heavy.

"Yeah," she let out a wet little laugh and sniffed.

This  _was_ the second time in a few weeks.

How often did Beca had to go into the hospital? How often did something like this happen?

Then she remembered Beca's shaking body; no, this was new for her too.

A few more tears for her friend fell.

She and Emily sat in a weighted silence together for a few more moments.

"Do you think she's going to be okay?"

Chloe thought of Beca's words, 'she was dying' and though she opened her mouth she couldn't say it, "I don't know, Emily, I didn't find Beca until after Hunny was already gone. She didn’t call me, I just happened to be here looking for her.” She opened her mouth to tell her that she wasn’t sure that Beca was okay – let alone Hunny, and stopped. Emily didn’t need to hear that. “I think we just need to stay positive and hope that she will be okay."

She thought she heard a sniff on the other end of the line. She couldn't be sure but she answered with one of her own.

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'm on my way."

"Okay, sweetie."

She hit the end call and turned back to the bar but suddenly, the street swam and she leaned heavily against the building, pressing her back against its unyielding stone. She let out a strangled hiccup of a sob. She could feel her stomach boiling, and she covered her mouth, terrified for just a moment that she was going to be sick, the scent of the bar on her, the smell of the alley beside her somehow all too much.

Oh god.

Her stomach cramped and turned to lead, heavy and hard.

She was whistling. And her discovery of this fact only made her whistle louder, her chest tightening to a pinhole.

Chloe wasn't good in a crisis. She never had been. It was always too difficult, she could feel the person's pain too much, feel their terror.

She glanced back at the club and gasped out a wet sob, taking in the drunken patrons, the flashing lights.

She was out of her league. She ran her hands through her hair, pressing lightly, trying not to twitch as she tried to take a deep breath.

Beca had just watched someone die.

How could she help her?

She couldn't help her.

She had no idea how.

Kind words and hugs, that was what she was good at, but this was too much. She believed that everything could be solved with a good enough hug, but that was nothing right now, that wasn't helpful at all.

Her vision began to swim as she scrambled for a deep breath.

Aubrey. That was who Beca needed.

But then she pictured Beca in Aubrey's arms, safe and secure and –

_No._

Absolutely not.

Oh my god, she was so full of shit.

She wasn't out of her league, she was, she was just  _scared_. She was so scared. She was just giving into the fear.

And right now she didn't get to be scared. Not when Beca was so afraid.

She took a long shuddering breath and the smell of the bar filled her nose.

Her stomach rolled.

No. No, no, no, no!

Her fingers dug into the stone of the building and she closed her eyes, forcing an unsteady deep breath.

And when it came she was better. At least a little bit.

She gasped, standing straight, shaking out her head and dabbing under her eyes.

Beca needed her and that was so much more important than this.

It took her another moment or two in order to stop the flow of tears altogether and another not to wobble in her heels but then she marched, her stride sure.  
The thing was, she wasn't good in a crisis but – she was good at Beca.

 

She didn't bother to go back into the club, there was no point, instead she started around to the side.

She was still scared.

She was so scared - for Beca - for Hunny - for Emily. They all seemed to have one foot in the grave and Chloe...she didn't know how to handle that, she didn't know how to help them plant their feet so they didn't topple.

Even Hunny.

It was true they were never going to be friends, not really, but she was terrified for her. What had she been using? What must it have been like for her? She must have been so scared. Had she been aware of the man beside her slipping away? Had she been aware she was slipping away?

Beca had seen that.

Oh god, she had no idea what to do.

"Bec?"

Beca had settled on the alley ground with her legs pulled tight, her face hidden behind her knees. She looked up at the sound of her name. Beca looked up at her as though she could barely see her through the haze in her head, as though she had gone numb inside. She could feel Beca trying, gathering her own strength, putting up a wall between herself and all of this – between them. She could feel Beca's strength and she wished she could wipe it away. Sometimes being strong was the wrong thing to do.

"You're going to get dirty down there."

Beca gave her a one-shouldered shrug, "I'm already dirty."

Chloe knew she was too - when Beca had hugged her - but this wasn't really the time to worry about that, was it? "Who?"

"Hunny. When I was trying to sit her up. I think I kneeled in Jeremy's."

Chloe felt another pang as she realized, "You _knew_ him?"

"Yeah."

“Oh sweetie.”

They watched one another for a moment, processing. Chloe took a deep breath and when she held her hand out for her it did not shake, it was steady and true. She pulled Beca up and softly touched her cheek, the circles under her eyes. Beca's hands closed on her arms, she was shaking again so she just caressed the side of her face, holding her there, letting her know she could take a minute. _Let me take care of you._

Beca's eyes closed and she took a deep, halting breath.

When they opened again Chloe spoke to her in a whisper, "Let's go meet Emily. We'll get you cleaned up soon, okay?"

"Okay."

 

Beca was silent on the drive, staring blankly out the window and toying with a cigarette that Chloe knew she was anxious to smoke.

She wanted to say something to her but there was nothing to be said, was there?

Instead she just got them there, parking and taking Beca's hand as they walked inside.

She didn't like the way that Beca's shook.

Emily was already there, just as she had been last time that Chloe had entered these doors and for a moment, she held just a bit tighter to Beca, thankful - as horrid of her as it was - that it wasn't Beca in there waiting for her.

"David is here." Emily pointed toward a man behind her and Beca silently nodded at Emily’s knees.

"David?"

"Hunny's agent."

"Oh."

Chloe watched as Beca finally looked up at Emily.

"Heroin." Emily answered the unspoken question. Once again they were working on a wavelength that Chloe could not be on. They weren’t excluding her; as a matter of fact she and Beca had a wavelength of their own.  
The two just understood one another.

Beca nodded again, giving another half shrug.

Emily asked, her fingers twitching, "Jeremy?"

"No."

"Bex, good to see you. What do you, oh, uhhh." The newcomer cleared his throat, taking a second to look away from her soiled clothes.

" _Thanks_." Beca glared back.

"Right. Sorry. Listen, House, maybe you should run home and, I don't know, shower. Get yourself together."

"Somehow I kind of feel like there are more pressing matters to attend to right now, David." Beca's voice was like acid.

He flinched, "Look, no one saw this coming. We're going to go all in. We're going to push her toward full rehab and the works. I have a press release being written up as we speak,"

" _Everyone_  saw this coming!" Emily cried, making David and Chloe jump. "You especially, David! I was there the night of Beca's accident, I saw you give her-"

" _Excuse me."_ David hissed, waving his hands to keep it down. "I don't know wha-"

"This is my fault." Beca's words hung dead as she stared at nothing, "I should have known when I stopped hearing from her. I should have realized she was off the deep end. I should have done something."

"Beca, no." Chloe tried but Beca shook her head.

"It is. It's my fault. I just left her in it all by herself."

A terrible, horrible thought was filling Chloe's mind as Beca spoke; Hunny's face, her hand pressed to her cheek. "Oh god, I slapped her. I slapped her! I just totally rejected her. I kicked her out!"

"Noooo guys!" Emily growled, "It's  _neither_ of your faults. Bex, she was the  _leader_  of it. You didn't just leave her in it, she would have been there whether or not you were and Chloe, you don't even really know her, don't blame yourself."

“Yeah, Chlo.” Beca gave a poor impersonation of a laugh, “Trust me, you’re not the first woman to slap Hunny.”

"Is she - alright?" Chloe finally asked, realizing that David hadn't told them yet.

"They think so."

"Can we see her?" Emily asked, but Chloe had to wonder; Emily had gone three shades of pale as she asked. Maybe someone needed to give her permission to not be here right now, facing this so early in her sobriety.

"No, I'm sorry. They have her on watch and she's a little - unresponsive at the moment, guys." David's phone began to ring again, "Excuse me."

They watched him go in silence, their jaws hanging open.

Unresponsive?

"It's my fault."

"Bex, if it's your fault then it's also mine. I spent just as much time with her as you did. I should have taken her to a meeting, I should have watched her. I didn't call her."

"Neither of us did."

"Excuse me, Rebeca?"

Chloe wasn't pleased to see the police again.

"I'm sorry, we just need a few minutes. I know this is hard. Can you sit down with us?"

Beca nodded.

"Alright, can we get you a cup of coffee or anything like that? We can run you home or get you something to eat. Anything you want."

Soundlessly, Beca shook her head.

"Okay so-"

Chloe let her hand go, stepping to the side with Emily.

"Right so," Beca let out a huge huff of air, running her hands through her mucky hair, "I went to The Royal tonight with a client of mine to have a drink. I was there for maybe thirty minutes when I ran into Hunny, um, Meg, I mean. I could tell she was high so I just let her do her own thing, which - I guess was shitty of me but I was trying to get home quickly. Then when I was getting ready to actually go, I realized I hadn't seen her again so I went looking. I just figured – whatever. Anyway. I found her and Jeremy in a bathroom stall."

"And were they sitting, standing, did they say anything to you?"

"They were both on the floor. I could tell that Jeremy had thrown up a few times so I checked him first and he didn't respond. I just thought he was really fucked up – like _always_ \- so I turned to Hunny and she was still kind of awake. I tried to get her to stand up, I was gonna, I dunno, put her head under the sink or something, I don't know what you're supposed to do."

"How did she respond?"

"She didn't. Not really."

Chloe felt Emily's hand slip into hers and happily took it, squeezing tightly and pulling it up to her chest to hold it; thankful for the contact.

"I tried slapping her...a lot but it didn't help. She started puking everywhere and then she just - went out. I got her up and then she just – I dunno – collapsed? I guess?”

"Did you go and find someone then?"

"I started yelling. Someone must have called an ambulance or something. I – I dunno."

"Okay. And you told officers at The Royal that you don't know where Miss Brooks got the drugs?"

"No, I have no idea. I don't - I don't do that. Em?"

Emily shook her head.

"Okay. Thank you. Can you just sit tight for a minute please?"

"Yeah."

Chloe stepped up as the officer went to his partner.

Beca took in a long, shuttering breath, "I'm tired, Chlo. I'm so - I'm so tired."

"I know, baby." Beca let her face fall against Chloe's stomach, hiding there so she just stroked her head.

"This isn't how I want to live."

"I know." She couldn't. Beca couldn't live like this.

"Okay guys, it's all set up." David said, appearing from out of nowhere, "I talked to Marion and she asked me to pass along the message, 'be gone by the time the press get here'. Don't get involved, alright kiddos?"

Emily looked between him and Beca, appalled, "We can't just leave!"

"More of a mess for P.J." He shrugged. "She said especially you, Bex."

"Marion?"

Beca did another one of those slow blinks, "P.J.'s lawyer,  _our_  lawyer, I guess."

"So we're just going to go?"

Beca's lips pulled into a deep frown as she looked up at Emily, "David will keep us updated."

"Emily, there is nothing at all that you can do for her right now." David insisted, "Don't get your hands dirty. Drugs are messy, kids."

The three stared at him as he retreated, picking up his phone again.

"Beca!"

Beca jumped, "He's right, Em. It's just - it's just,” she huffed out a breath, “let's go before P.J. kills us."

"That's so wrong, Beca!"

"I could lose my job, Emily!"

"So?"

"Emily." Chloe reached for her hand again but Emily yanked away.

"Fine. God, I can't even, I  _hate_  this job!"

They both watched her storm away. Chloe's heart ached for her, for both of them.

"It's not like I  _want_  to go." Beca's voice was small, shaking hard as she watched her friend slam out of the doors and into the night.

"I know. I know, come on." It felt a bit cruel to pull Beca away like she was but she was pretty sure that Beca was right and it was for the best.

"I really need to smoke," Beca said when they were outside.

Chloe could see her hands twitching as she walked beside her, "That's fine, sweetie."

"Legacy." She felt Beca's fingers touch her stomach in a disjointed, confused sort of way.

"Tell you what, I'll wait in the car, okay?"

She didn't have to wait long.

"Beca." She turned to her, assessing before she started the car, "Honey, is there anything I can do for you?"

Beca slid low in her seat, " _Honey._ "

Had she really just said that? Oh god, that was terrible! She was the worst!

Her mouth opened, half closed and then opened again as she tried to decide what to say, "Let's get you home, okay?"

 

Chloe had never been so happy to be back in the condo. She watched Beca step outside, pouring her a drink. If there was ever a time someone needed a drink it was now. Hell, she wanted a drink.

"Here."

Beca took it with a look of detached surprise on her face.

"Everything in moderation."

Beca drained it quickly.

"Maybe you should take a shower." She watched Beca give her half a nod, her eyes so wide and lost. Beca opened her mouth, but then just shook her head, closing it again.

"Give me your hand." Beca did and Chloe started up the stairs, trying to think of all the ways she could to help stop the shaking, trying to think of anything at all that she could do to help.

She led her into the bathroom.

Beca's eyes just followed her hand as she clicked on the water and adjusted it.

She was good at words of positivity, but right now she could think of none. So she stayed silent. Sometimes silence was just as healing as words. She pulled off Beca's soiled clothes and then carefully, she pulled off her own, gathering them and making a quick trip downstairs to put them in the wash.

She had expected Beca to have jumped in the shower immediately; she had expected her to be desperate to be clean again, to get the night off of her. When she returned Beca was still standing beside the shower, her hand outstretched, watching the water pass through her fingers. She swallowed hard, biting her lip. This was not a moment for her own tears, no matter how hurt and lost her friend seemed.

Still she couldn't stop them, so she stepped in quickly, letting the water run over her face to hide them. She gently pulled her in, satisfying the thirst her arms felt for the other woman; wrapping her up tightly.

The water was warm and inviting and instantly she saw Beca's eyes close as she moved her under the stream. Chloe reached forward, lifting Beca's chin so the water would stop running into her eyes and instead let her fingers run through Beca's hair, pushing it away from her face. Then with cautious, tender movements, she began to wash her, gently massaging in the shampoo, working her fingers across her scalp.

Touch was the best way to heal, touch was the most cathartic thing she knew of, being touched and being loved.

Beca sagged ever so slightly, steadying herself with a hand on Chloe's chest.

Chloe watched carefully, looking for signs of distress as she tilted her head again and rinsed, doing her best to wash way as much of the pain as she could.

She conditioned her hair and rinsed with the same gentle pressure, her thumb stroking her cheeks, her temples and moved on to the soap, turning Beca so she could begin with her back.

She could feel Beca's shallow breathing, she could feel Beca's hesitance, her strict offish resolve. She moved in wide circles, trying to soothe as much as to bathe.

It only took a few gentle sweeps before she felt Beca's body hitch, crumpling forward as the tears finally came, loud and hard as Beca closed, wrapping her arms around herself.

Chloe caught her before she tipped, wrapping her arms around her tight. She didn't say anything, she had been expecting it. She simply turned her around and pulled her to her, caressing her back as Beca sobbed.

Then, after a few minutes, she softly began to sing.

 

 

The water had grown cold by the time they were both clean. Shivering they slipped under the blankets of Beca's bed.

The tears in the shower seemed to have helped a little bit; Beca's eyes had a little more life to them. She crawled next to her, propping herself up on her elbow so she could see her pale face.

Beca gave her a shaky half smile, unable to hold her eye contact.

"Hey." She leaned down and gave her a soft kiss.

Beca looked away, covering her face with her hands.

"What's wrong?"

"I just cried. Like, a lot."

"I'm glad you did. It soothes the soul." She softly tapped her fingers on the back of Beca's hands, pulling them away when they didn't move on their own, "Don't be silly."

Beca let out a slow, deep breath, toying with a curl just to give her something to do, "I just keep thinking about his face. How did I just totally freaking miss that he was -" Beca's eyes popped and she choked on the word that she could not bring herself to say.

She didn't want to push too hard, but she couldn't let her do what she knew she was doing, she couldn't allow the mental self-flagellation she could see in Beca's eyes. "It sounds to me like he went quickly, Bec. I don't know if you could have helped him."

Beca looked away again, her throat working convulsively, "Me neither."

She pulled her face back toward her. "Hunny is going to be okay. Rehab will help her."

"Yeah, I know. I just," Beca sat up, her face red.

"What?"

"I just- it could have been me in there. So easily. And that's so fucking shitty of me to even be thinking about right now. I'm just, I'm total shit. I'm the worst fucking person in the world. Jeremy  _died._ He's dead. But what I'm thinking about is the fact that it could have been me. And I can't believe that. When did that become me?  _How_  did that become me? I mean, I knew Jeremy. Not well, but I knew him. How did I become the person who has the friend that freaking OD's in a club bathroom? This isn't what I want from my life. And how is it that I'm thinking about this? I should – I don't know, be paying respect to him, I should be doing – something, but-"

"Hey." Chloe sat up on her knees and pulled Beca to her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and resting her face on her back. She could feel Beca's breathing growing quick again, she could feel that tremor returning. "Stop it! You're allowed to think of anything you want in this situation and you're  _right_ it could have been you, at first I even thought it was. You're not shitty, Beca, you're not. You're just aware of what your life has been as of late. Please, god, please pay attention to that. It's serious, Bec." She closed her arms tighter and heard a small squawk from Beca but her trembling slowed, "Nobody wants to be addicted to drugs, Bec. Jeremy is free now. Maybe realizing that it could have been you  _is_ the best way to honor him."

"This is- this is just  _not_ what I want to be!" Beca's voice was loud in the dark room.

"What do you want?"

"Like - the whole freaking opposite." Beca covered her face again, her fingers twitching like they did when she wanted a cigarette. She sagged into Chloe, taking a deep breath. "I don't know what to do about Hunny."

"I don't think there is anything you can do, I think it's out of your hands, baby."

She gave a dry laugh. "That's good because no one should freaking trust me with anything ever because I make the worst choices. Keep that baby away from me, I’ll probably break it or like – leave it on a bus or something."

She pulled her fingers away again and kissed her cheek. "Come lay back down?"

Beca resettled, Chloe running her finger across Beca's collarbone as she thought, "Beca, if you want something different then it's up to you to take it, right?"

"Pot calling the kettle black, much?"

"I know. But I'm serious and I'm trying."

"How do I do that, Chlo?"

She shook her head, "I don't think I can answer that for you, but I think that Kendra is a good place to start."

"Oh god, that's in the morning." She moaned.

Her hand flattened on Beca's chest, as if holding her racing heart in place, "You can do it."

"I  _have_  to do it, I can't, I can't live like this. I won't. It's - it's time for a change, you know? I can't," she started to shake again so Chloe pulled her close, "I can't ever be a part of something like that again. Ever."

"I'm here if there is anything I can do."

Beca was silent for a long time against her chest. She could feel her tension so she picked a song at random and began to hum; pushing Beca back to the pillows so she could lay beside her and softly caress her hair and cheeks.

After a while Beca's eyes opened again, fluttering and rolling, fighting sleep. Her hand slipped around Chloe's neck, holding her securely. Chloe smiled, leaning down and gave her a long soft kiss.

"Go to sleep, baby."

Beca's eyebrows tightened and a single tear slipped from her closed eye, "I – I don't want to I'm - Chloe?" Her hand closed tighter on her neck.

"Hmm?"

"I'm afraid to go to sleep."

Chloe pulled her through the last bit of space, wrapping around her and kissed her temple. "I'm right here. If you wake up, I'm  _right here._ "

 


	17. Chapter 17

At first Chloe couldn't tell what it was that had woken her. It was clearly very early, so early that the sun wasn't fully in the sky and yet something on the other side of the bed was shaking her awake.

"Bec?" She could see the vague shape of Beca beside her, turned away and curled tightly around herself as her whole body shook. " _Bec_ _!_ " She had meant to hold on to her all night, to refuse to let go because she knew that Beca would be too stubborn to wake her if something was wrong. She supposed they had both rolled away in their sleep instead and now here was Beca, on the opposite side of the bed, crying into her pillow, alone. She quickly corrected the situation, wrapping her arms around the shuddering body, spooning into her. "Why didn't you wake me?" She asked, nuzzling into her neck, pleased when Beca sank into her instead of pulling away. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Beca sniffed, her voice thick and not fooling anyone. "Yeah, totally. I mean, I just watched a guy die last night, Hunny is in the hospital unresponsive and I have like the biggest meeting of my life today. I'm good. I'm cool, you know,” she sniffed, “just- going to fail my life today and,"

Chloe pulled her in closer, "Beca, don't think that way. Today is going to be a great day."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes." She said with all the confidence she could muster. There was nothing she could say about Jeremy that would help and the only thing that would help with Hunny was learning she was conscious but this, at least, she could insist on.

"Okay then. So-" Beca turned over to face her but her look of skepticism dropped away, "What's wrong?"

Chloe had retracted a little, overly cautious. For just a second - a mere moment - she had gotten a whiff of Beca's conditioner and her stomach had turned.

"You're looking a little green."

"Hmm? No, I'm okay." She gave her a huge smile to hide her sudden disappointment. How weird, being disappointed because you're  _not_ sick. It was the stress. She had been very stressed; so much had happened in the last few weeks. Then again, right here, with Beca...yeah, it wasn't too stressful. "What time is your meeting?"

" _Hours_  from now."

She watched Beca curl up again, "Hey, it's really going to be alright. I think you and Kendra are going to have fun. It's not going to be like EZ, you get to do your art today; think about that." She softly wiped the last few tears from under Beca's eyes. "I know last night was scary, Bec, but don't let it take away your confidence about today."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Come on. Roll over." Chloe still didn't really know what to do to help Beca. She could still see the ghosts in Beca's deep eyes, only this morning there was also panic, honest and pure panic. She knew the meeting with Kendra was a big deal to Beca which almost baffled Chloe because if there was ever something that Beca was  _meant_ to do, it was this. She could see it; future Beca running her studio with wise talent and appreciation, seeing over her staff and making music that wowed the masses.  _She_ could see it as clearly as she could see Beca's open and vulnerable face in front of her. How could she make Beca see it too? She didn't know, but at least she could hopefully pull that tight tension from the tendons in Beca's neck and throat which stood out in sharp relief.

So she pushed her over, giving her shoulder a kiss, climbed onto her back and slowly began to run her hands up and down Beca's spine, searching for kinks and gently working them out. "I don't know what to say about Jeremy and Hunny, Bec. I just have to believe that Jeremy will be okay now and that Hunny will find her way. They will both be okay - in their own ways. The only thing you can do is, I think, take it all day by day."

"You sound like Emily. She texted me that a few hours ago. All of that no day but today shit."

“Bec,” Chloe giggled, “I think that’s ‘Rent’ that you’re quoting, not A.A.”

Beca paused, “Really?”

She leaned down and kissed her ear, pleased when that made Beca smile a little, “Yup. I think you’re thinking of ‘one day at a time’.”

Beca sat silent for a moment longer, processing. “Right.”

Chloe bit her lip and started on her shoulder again, “Did she have anything else to say?”

"No,” Beca sighed, the humor in her voice drifting away again, “she was looking for an update...I didn't have one."

"Well, she's right, you know." Chloe leaned down and kissed the bars across Beca's back.

Beca sighed, burying her face in the pillow, taking a few long deep breaths.

"Just let it go for right now; all of it, the worry the stress. You got this."

She watched Beca nod, kneading in with her thumb. Beca was silent for so long that Chloe was sure she had fallen back to sleep. She let her fingers ease, turning instead into soft brushes.  
Maybe she would call someone today and get some type of advice; surely there must be something she could do that would help Beca through this. But who would she call? The only other person she called when she was in trouble was Aubrey and she wasn't sure that she could help. If Chloe felt out of her depth here then Aubrey would have no idea.  
Maybe she should call her father, he was a psychologist; maybe he could give her some honest advice. Then again, he probably wouldn't.  _If_ she could get ahold of him he would probably just spout off about grief groups and the type of mumbo-jumbo she had heard her entire childhood every time she had a problem. Plus, if she was hesitant to call Brey because she had no idea how to update her on her life then her parents would be even worse.

She wondered briefly if Nick had told Marcy yet.

"Aren't you supposed to be? Sick I mean? Isn't that usually how that works?"

Chloe's hands stuttered, pausing over Beca's skin before sinking back in with feigned confidence, "Supposed to be what?" She asked, her voice smoothly chipper.

Beca snorted into the pillow, "Yeah, I don't buy that response for a second."

Chloe frowned, "This just - let's focus on you, okay?"

She  _was_  supposed to be sick. She had always been sick during her pregnancies. She couldn’t stop thinking about that.  
During her first pregnancy …baby Raleigh… with Raleigh she had woken to be sick every single morning like clockwork at six A.M. Nick had teasingly stopped setting his alarm. She had been miserable during her second, unable to move, every scent she came across so overpowering that she had basically spent a month hiding away in her bathroom.

That brief flash of scent induced nausea had made her hopeful, especially when she remembered that strange moment next to the alley the night before but no, it had passed too quickly.

She was sure of it, there was no way she was still pregnant. Not all miscarriages were like the ones she had, some simply passed without notice, right?  
She wasn't pregnant, there was no way.

Fate didn't work that way.

Not for her, not in the last few years.

Not with this subject.

She supposed she would find out for sure soon.

Then again...at least she would know. She could move forward then, start planning her life, deciding what came next.

She heard a small dissatisfied noise from Beca, who was clearly not at all pleased with her answer. She rolled to her back below her, an expectant look on her face.

Chloe hadn't realized she had looked away from her until Beca pulled her chin back, popping an eyebrow, "Okay, so clearly I’m like really late to the party and I only just caught on to this secret really big deal thing. What's going on?"

Chloe took a deep breath and shook her head, "Nothing. It's just – this is your morning, let's help you relax before your meeting. How can I help you relax?" She gave her a suggestive wink.

"Chlo."

"How am I supposed to give you a backrub like this?' She asked, ignoring her, "I guess I could, but I think it might turn into something else pretty quickly." She said it with a devilish smile but Beca didn't return it. "Beca. Come on!"

"I don't want to talk about me, I don't really want to think about me, Chlo. I want to talk about you and whatever you're trying, very poorly by the way, to keep from me."

She frowned, not really liking where this was going. She didn't want to talk about this, not this morning, not until she really knew. "It's nothing," She glanced down at Beca's face and kept talking because she knew that Beca wasn't going to let it go, "I just, I  _should_  be sick by now, even if I  _was_  only a month along but I'm not. I'm not even sure I  _am_  pregnant. Okay, there, I said it. And now let's just -"

"What? Of course you're pregnant. Wouldn't you know if you weren't?"

"Logically, but…" she shrugged.

"Pregnancy is so weird." Beca sighed, running her hands distractingly up and down Chloe's stomach, "Shouldn't  _not_  puking your brains out be a good thing?"

Chloe watched a shadow pass over Beca's eyes and she wondered if she was thinking of the night before again. "Not for me."

"When's your doctor appointment?"

"Soon." She didn't really want to tell her exactly how soon.

"And you really don't think you're actually pregnant?"

She shook her head, discomfort in her belly, "I don't really want to talk about this. Is that okay?"

"Well, I don't want to talk about last night - or today."

Uncomfortable tension was rare between them; it always had been, frankly. Yes, there had been moments when one of them had hurt the other and things had become a bit strained, just like any other friendship. But over all they had always been able to wiggle their way under the other's defenses enough to bypass discomfort. Even when Chloe had cornered Beca in the shower there had been something more there than uncomfortable tension. So when it came up, like now, neither really knew what to do with it, especially when it came when they were sitting naked together in bed, "Then let's talk about something else?" Chloe tried, her lips twisting. They each had things they wanted to avoid right now, didn't they?

Beca's eyes narrowed, clearly unsure if that was possible.

Honestly, Chloe wasn't sure either. She could feel their individual edges and wondered for a moment how they really would get through the day.

"Maybe we should go back to sleep? It's so early, we're going to be tired."

Beca frowned but gave her a small nod.

"Okay." She gave her a shining smile and rolled over, back onto the bed. She wrapped herself tightly around Beca, burying her face into her shoulder blades and sighed, pleasantly surprised when Beca pulled her arms tighter around her waist and closed the last bit of distance between them.

There were other things to talk about too.

How long before Beca would demand to know what was happening with them?

The thought made Chloe's stomach leap nervously again so she pushed it away, running her lips between Beca's shoulder blades, trying to examine from the pressure of Beca's hands on hers if she needed to be concerned about Beca or not.

"What if I totally just fuck this up today?"

"You won't. You  _can't_. The whole point of this is that she wants you,  _Beca Mitchell_. You can't fuck up being Beca Mitchell."

"You wanna bet?"

"You won't."

"I fucked up last night."

"I know you think so, but you didn't. I think there is a good chance you  _saved_  Hunny, Bec."

Beca didn't respond but she gave her hand a squeeze before her fingers spidered between hers and clutched them tight. Chloe smiled into the skin of Beca's back, enjoying those delightful little butterflies. Beca was holding her hand. This is how she knew she had really gotten  _in_ with Beca. She ran from everything and everyone, pushed them away with all of her might. Sitting here and having Beca hold her to her - something that was so small for everyone else - was so significant for them. A week ago she would have disappeared, hiding and licking her wounds after something like the night before happened, but instead she was there - with her. That moment, Beca lacing her fingers through Chloe's, was far more significant to Chloe than the fact that they were lying there naked together; that could be just sex, this was – connection…comfort…affection.

Chloe sat for a while, holding Beca's hand and listening to her breathing, listening to it slow, to it rounding out.

It was comforting listening to Beca relax. So much so that she wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep, all she knew was some time later she woke again with the sun much higher in the sky.

She yawned, somehow the last hour or two of sleep had soothed her own worries and she felt a little better. "Oh!" She jumped when she realized Beca's eyes were open, studying her face with a small smile.

"You're smiling." Chloe smiled back, brushing her cheek with her knuckles.

Beca's grin grew, "I woke up next to a  _very_ pretty girl. A very pretty _naked_ girl."

Chloe opened her mouth but fell silent as she realized she could feel her cheeks warming.

"Did I just make you blush?"

"No, of course not," but she looked away, down to the blankets as her face grew hotter. Finally she just buried her face in her hands. Why had that made her blush so badly?

She felt Beca's fingers touch her face and let out a quick breath of surprise when she leaned in, pulling her into a deep kiss. "Do you have any fucking idea how long I've wanted to do that?"

Chloe felt her cheeks, which had only just cooled, growing warm again as Beca ran her hand over her ribs, taking a needy kiss.

"You snore."

"I do not!" Chloe gasped, sitting half up.

"Kinda yeah. Nothing but little," Beca made a few soft grunts. "It's cute."

Chloe's eyes narrowed, "You seem like you're feeling a little better."

"Yeah, I think I am. I woke up a few minutes ago and I just kinda thought, holy crap, I'm still here, you know? Is that totally clique?"

"No! You are! You are still here." She gave her a small smile, tracing her lips. "Hold on a minute, okay?" She began to pull herself up and out of bed. She had a slight hang up about her breath.

"Do you have to?"

"Little bit." Chloe gave her a face and tried to get up.

"Noooo!"

Chloe yelped as Beca's arms closed tightly around her, loving the little laugh that came from Beca's throat.

"I'll be right back!" But instead of rising, she let out a squawk as Beca pulled her back down, hiding her smile in Chloe's throat. She loved this side of Beca, the side that cuddled in close, needing her near; the silly side. She had always loved it but she found that right now she loved it all the more when she could feel Beca’s bare breast grazing across hers, when she could feel the soft skin of her thigh across her own. She let out a teasing whine that she needed to go to the bathroom and brush her teeth. She tried to slide out of her arms and instead only managed to slide Beca down her body until she was wrapped around her legs before she gave up with a huff. "Really, I could be back already."

Beca just let out a grunt.

"Beeecccaaaaaa!" She laughed but a part of her wondered if the idea of her leaving, even for a minute, really did make Beca uncomfortable. She was laughing in her usual teasing way but there was also a slight edge around Beca's eyes. Again she felt the magnitude of their friendship, the aweing realization that she and she alone was the one that could make Beca feel better, feel safe. She had felt this before and she always loved it, found comfort in it. She smiled to herself, biting her lip to hide it and gave her legs another pull.

"I don't wanna!"

Chloe rolled her eyes, "I will tickle you."

"Don't you even! That's cheating!"

"Here's the thing," Chloe said, folding her face into a stern, serious look, "if I really wanted to get away I could." Beca's eyes glittered at the challenge. "You're tiny."

Beca scowled, "You could probably bench press me if you wanted to."

Chloe bit her lip, "You  _have_ to start taking your cardio more seriously, Bec!" She pulled herself up to make her point and headed to the en suite. "Then again, you've always been pretty scrappy. You've thrown me around once or twice." She thought of all the times she had jumped into Beca's arms, or Beca had lifted her off the ground, or even better the times they had been wrestling or teasing and Beca had simply swept her off her feet.  
Whew, okay, she needed to not think about that right now because that would make her mind go - other places. There was something so sexy about getting picked up and thrown around.

" _Scrappy?_ Did you just call me  _scrappy?_  That makes me sound like an alley cat with patches and a fucked up tail and one eye like those cats from old cartoons."

"If the shoe fits!"

"HEY!"

She loped back into the room, grinning and stood looking back at Beca in the bed, at the way her face was turned up to her in a genuine, simple smile. Her heart did a quick flip-flop. "I stand by my word choice."

"Asshole." Beca said with a grin.

She opened her mouth and then decided to say nothing. Beca was lying there in bed, waiting for her – and she was naked. Beca barely seemed to realize that she was naked. She definitely didn’t seem to realize that the blanket had half fallen, exposing a pale tan nipple.

She slid back in beside her, studying Beca's face as she checked her phone. It had fallen rather suddenly, her eyebrows creased.

"No news about Hunny."

"No news is probably good news, right?"

Beca shrugged, cuddling in tight.

"You okay, sweetie?"

Beca just shrugged again, "I wish someone would call me with an update  _before_ this stupid meeting. Just so I don't keep thinking about it, you know?"

"You just need to clear your head. I have faith in you."

"I can't. I mean, yeah, I'm still here but I dunno. Ugh, I want to go back to thirty seconds ago before I looked at my stupid phone."

"Then let's make that happen, alley cat." Chloe felt a slight tremor rock through Beca so she pulled her close, "Hmmm, what can I do to distract you?"

Maybe it was the thought of tiny Beca picking her up and throwing her around. She knew she could do it...if she asked her to...she felt herself hum to life at the thought, picturing that moment, Beca lifting her by the back of the thighs and slamming her into the wall.

Chloe knew her distraction was already working when Beca's head came up from her neck, an eyebrow high at the coyly sultry innuendo in her voice.

"Breakfast?"

Beca shook her head, looking queasy.

"You have to eat something."

Beca's frown grew so Chloe leaned in and closed her teeth lightly around her bottom lip, pulling it away.

She felt Beca twitch all over, her hands instantly closing on her hips and then rubbing back and forth as though it had only just occurred to her that she was sans clothing.

"Hmm, yoga?"

Beca shook her head vigorously so Chloe leaned down and ran her nose up her throat, taking a second to suck on the skin just under her chin, listening to Beca's little whimper.

"What if we stay up here to do it?"

Beca moaned.

"Hmmm." Chloe said thoughtfully, all too aware of Beca's body against hers, "Do you want to make out with me?"

Beca's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline as she squeaked, "Um, yeah, okay."

Chloe watched the shadow in Beca's I-swear-I'm-fine eyes disappear as she leaned in; pushing her jaw up with a finger so she could take her lips, pressing a soft kiss there. "Today is going to be amazing." She gave her a smile, leaning in for another chaste kiss. "Just wait, you'll see." This time when she leaned down she let her tongue flick ever so slightly across the bottom of Beca's lip, enjoying the way her mouth instantly popped open. "The question is," she whispered as she ran her tongue over her lip, "is this a good idea or a bad one before Kendra?"

"Good, so good." Beca groaned, trying to pull her in by the ribs, searching for a real kiss but Chloe resisted.

"Hey! Watch your hands!" She teased, "Second base is not included in this make-out session, not until you've eaten something."

Beca pulled back, smirking and Chloe felt the breath whoosh from her at the implication.

Oh god.

She had walked right into that and she wanted to do it again - and maybe again. Trying to keep the upper hand she gave her a smirk and a slow, purposeful wink in return, "We will discuss that after breakfast."

"Ohmygod!" Beca cried, her hands clapping on her sides, "How the fuck did Nick handle you for that long? You're going to kill me, I freaking swear it."

"Hmm," Chloe thought, eyes rolling when Beca leaned up and softly nibbled at her pulse point, "I don't think I was like this with Nick."

"Like what exactly? Total awesome torture?"

"Mmm, like this." She let her hand settle on Beca's throat, pushing her lightly back and slipping into Beca's mouth with hopeless abandon, letting her lips sweep and then press, letting her tongue slide against Beca's. She felt Beca's head pop back off the pillow in surprise, meeting her with equal fervor.

Mmmm,  _the kissing_.

And there was that instant fire that Chloe was becoming steadily familiar with, low in her belly and spreading.

She let out her own knowing noise as she slid against Beca's tongue, massaging it gently, listening to their breath pick up. She tilted her head this way and that, delighted as her tongue caressed everything she could reach, careful to give some but not enough.

Nick had never enjoyed this. He liked to kiss well enough, but really only as a means to start things off, he rarely enjoyed it just for the act and the taunting; it always just annoyed him very quickly.

She let her fingers splay against Beca's temple, pushing her face sideways into the pillow so Beca's neck was exposed, working her way down and back.

She could feel Beca's hips beginning to rock and she had to swallow down a noise of pleasure as she moved back to her lips. This might be backfiring on her a little bit.

Beca groaned, frustrated and yet obviously delighted as Chloe teased, her tongue pushing Beca's back every time it tried to enter her mouth, blocking her access. "Oh my god, I hate you."

"Uh-huh, no you don't," Chloe grinned, her hand moving down to Beca's stomach, closing her lips around Beca's, softly probing, giving gentle caresses to the tip of Beca's before she took her top lip between her own and gave it a light suck.

"This isn't fair." Beca moaned when her hands reached for Chloe again, and again Chloe batted them away.

"The whole point is the distraction," Chloe grinned proudly for a second, catching Beca's tongue with her own and pulling it into her mouth so she could give it a light bite.

The sound that came from Beca was mind blowing. "Nope, not fair."

"What's not fair exa, acck!"

Suddenly she was on her back, Beca's fingers clutching her chin in a vise as she took control, locking her against the pillow and holding her mouth open. Chloe was pinned, only proving her earlier point - Beca could do it if she decided to. Then Chloe's mind was ripped apart as she felt Beca's tongue sliding along hers, rolling and retracting, up and down, up and down, rolling and retracting, mimicking the way her tongue had moved against other parts of her.

She thought the sound that came from her was supposed to be something like, 'oh god' but it didn't quite reach full form. She felt her body ignite, her eyes rolling back as Beca purposely, pointedly and boldly tongue fucked her mouth.

"Not – fair," she gasped, when Beca released her, moving on to suck on her earlobe.

"Don’t I know it."

"Do it again."

She barely had time to notice Beca's amused smile before she was back, their tongues rolling together. She wasn't sure when her leg had crawled around Beca's hip – higher - crawling up around her back so high that her knee bumped Beca's armpit; not until Beca's hand came down on it, pressing and catching it between the front of their shoulders. She felt her thigh stretch and she moaned.  
She was holding Beca by the neck, rocking against her and she knew that somehow she had lost the upper hand in this game.  
Oh  _god,_ Beca was the best lover.  
She felt Beca's breath release in a huff against her face as she pushed Chloe’s leg into the stretch a little deeper, seeming to like the way that Chloe was able to bend.

She let out a few small sounds, her mind running over a million possible scenes that could be played out - right now – in this position, please. Her fingers tightened, her short nails pricking the back of Beca's neck, trying to push Beca to lose control.

Chloe was just on the brink of beginning to beg when the doorbell rang downstairs.

"Nooooo." Beca groaned, sucking just behind Chloe's ear. She could feel Beca's hands hovering over her body and it was pure torture; she wanted them.

"No, no, no," Chloe shook her head, her pinned leg springing out and over Beca's shoulder, hooking her as she forced Beca's hand down onto her breast; moaning as Beca's lips followed instantly. "Oh! Ye -  _ooh_!" She was going to go crazy if Beca flattened her leg against her own shoulder any more than this, if she opened her any more without touching her.

The doorbell went off again, this time much longer.

"I should see who it is."

"Don't you dare leave right now, Beca Mitchell," Chloe warned, her leg holding tighter.

"I have to, there's someone at the door."

"I don't care," Chloe grunted, pulling Beca back in. Yeah, she had lost the upper hand alright.

"What happened to no second base before breakfast? Though, this leg thing might count as second." Beca gave her signature smirk, her teeth closing on the back of Chloe’s thigh. “I like this.”

“Well. Why do you think I’m doing it?”

Beca smiled her best bratty grin into Chloe’s skin, biting and sucking. “ _So?_ What happened? Second base? No second base, remember that, Chlo?”

"Hmm?" She was far too focused on the placement of Beca's hips to notice her words. "What? I don't care about second base. I want third. Fourth. Is there a fifth? I want the fifth."

Beca laughed, "What is fifth?"

"I don't know, let's find out." She gasped.

"I can't. Look at the time, I have to get ready." Chloe hungrily accepted the next kiss, "Plus, there is someone at the door and apparently, from the way they are ringing, they really want to see us."

"Shit," she grumbled as Beca began to pull away, flopping backward and trying to catch her breath, "That was so not how that was supposed to go!"

Beca sighed slipping off the bed and running her hands through her hair, stopping just to look at Chloe, "Fuck, that might have been the hottest thing I've ever – fuck," as she pulled on a tee shirt and shorts.

"Becaaa!"

The buzzer went off for a full thirty seconds.

"Jesus, what is it  _you_  down there?"

Chloe felt her eyes narrow. She did not want to get up. Her stomach gurgled and she knew she was hungry but she still didn't want to get up.

"I'll see you downstairs!" Beca called over her shoulder after another long regretful look.

Chloe scowled. She wasn't sure if she had made things better for her or if she had just frustrated both of them.

 

****

 

Clearly she could make it through an Ironman.

Seriously.

Screw the triathlon; if she could pull herself away from Chloe’s very bendy body like she just had then there was no need to compete. They should just give her the trophy.  
She bit her lip.  
Chloe’s _very_ bendy body.  
Chloe’s very bendy _naked_ body.  
Chloe’s very bendy naked body – literally _begging_ her to have sex with her – _begging_ for her fingers and for her mouth.  
  
Her feet stopped on the stairs. What the hell was she _doing?_

She spun on her heels and had made it two stairs before the doorbell went off again.

“Damn it!”  
It could be about Hunny.

The doorbell went off again and she rolled her eyes.

Her best guess really would have been that somehow Chloe was at her door downstairs. No one else gave her buzzer a workout like this. Not that she had recently, since she - you know - had a key. God, would she ever get used to shit like that? Chloe was upstairs naked – she had just been very naked and, okay  _possibly_ rubbing herself against her – after they had woken up next to one another - she had a key - later when Beca went to work she would drive Chloe's car - fucking, what the hell had her life become in the last week?

Everything.

It had become everything.

 

But she couldn't think about that, not right now. She had other things on her mind, filling it to the brim.

The buzzing seemed to go on and on until finally she cried, "Alright, I'm coming! Jesus!"

Under the warm cotton satisfaction of Chloe's distraction her head wasn't really a great place to be right now...though the slightly bruised feeling of her lips was really helping...a lot.

Still, it was constantly warring, going back and forth between Jeremy's slack face and remembering the professional, no-nonsense voice of Kendra. Both sent her mind reeling and made her want to crawl back into bed and hide from the monsters while all at once making her want to go out and accomplish something huge and badass.

She was fucking alive.

Hunny, though still - she had to assume - unresponsive was also alive. Hunny would be okay, she knew that Chloe was right about that - she would get out of the hospital and David would put her in rehab. When that was over she and Emily would  _make_ her be okay, force her if they needed to. They all could get on the sober train together; Beca was fine with that. Somehow, in the last weeks, her desire to drink had gone way down – or at least it had before she had found herself standing at the bar with EZ on her first night back- and now if two of the people closely tied into her life were sober - and a third was sober for the sake of a pregnancy - Beca could do it too. She almost wanted to.

Then again,  _would_ Hunny stay closely tied to her life? Would she come back and fill the space she used to or would that space be filled by another redhead?

Aaaaand shit.

She didn't let herself think about that. Right now was  _not_ the time to talk titles or even the future with Chloe - for either of them. Beca couldn't really handle that - and it  _clearly_ wasn't the time for Chloe to settle into anything; she was barely beginning her own transition.

Still she liked to wonder - was that where they were heading?

No time soon of course, but like – one day?

Oh my god, stahp!

She stomped down the last stair and just as it had constantly since the night before, Jeremy's face popped into her head. She knew she couldn't do anything for Jeremy, she had known it last night and she knew it today. She had known Jeremy by reputation more than she had known him personally. As a matter of fact, the thing she had known about him was that this wasn't his first time; he had nearly died the year before. As a matter of fact, Beca had been surprised to see him...she had thought he was still in rehab. She knew he was the main guy at The Royal, the main connect, but she hadn't really seen him.

What she regretted was that she hadn't known he and Hunny had become friends - like at all. She knew that she had probably helped Hunny the night before, she really did. She just wished that she had known because she could have done - something. Hunny liked her substances but if she had realized the type she had moved on to Beca would have at least called her agent sooner. And she damn well would have tried to keep Jeremy away from her. The dude had all the smooth charm and appeal of a world-class drug dealer frankly, when it came to Hunny, that wasn’t good. She didn’t need even more insentive.

 

She sighed.

It had happened.

There was nothing that she could do about it now.

...honestly, she was almost glad it happened.

She had never felt so goddamn motivated to get her shit together in her life.

She had never felt so goddamned scared.

It was time to take the bull by the horns.

She was going to kick ass this afternoon.

If she didn't vomit on Kendra first.

"I'M COMI-" Beca threw open the door as the buzzer went off - yet a-freaking-gain and stopped short.

She had expected it to be P.J. or Marion, maybe even Emily, someone that had  _something_  to do with last night so for a second all she could do was stare, open mouthed at the tall blonde.

Her lips cracked into a grin, a genuine grin as she realized she was excited to see her friend. "Oh my god, hi!" Aubrey had done this once before, simply shown up to hang out. It had been very early after her move to L.A. but she had loved it and they had a blast.

Then she remembered Aubrey's cold stare from the trip before and wasn't sure she could handle this on top of everything else too.

That's right, she had lost her friendship with Aubrey; for a second there, she had forgotten.

"Wow! What the hell are you doing here, Aubs?"

Aubrey's tongue clicked as she gave her a plastic smile, "I'm looking for-"

Well fuck me then. "Right, obvs. You're here for-"

" _Brey_?" Chloe's voice came from behind her. "Oh my god, Brey! What are you doing here?"

Beca jumped out of the way just in time as Chloe blew by her, throwing her arms around her other best friend.

"Woooow, you both sound _so_ happy to see me." Aubrey rolled her eyes.

" _Of course_  we are! We're just surprised." Chloe wrapped her arms around Aubrey again, giving her cheek a series of quick kisses and Beca felt an unexplainable spasm of annoyance, of - jealousy? Why the hell was she jealous? Because Chloe was so excited to see her? Of course she was, this was Aubrey.

"Well, I did start in Henderson but Nick kindly pointed me  _here_ \- to L.A. - with Beca!" Aubrey’s plastic smile was so polite but Beca knew from the way that Aubrey’s chin drew in, from the way her hands clasped in front of her that it was just a show.

"Um, I'm right here, Au-"

"Chloe, the last time we spoke," Beca sighed, shut down, "you were yelling at me about Nick and his office girl and then you disappeared. Of course I got on a plane. I was worried. Are you alright? What's going on?" She ran her fingers over Chloe’s neck and shoulders, giving her an appraising once over.

Beca watched Chloe's lips twist as she studied the ground, "Yeah, I'm okay. There have been a lot of – things." Beca wanted to laugh as she saw Chloe throw her half a glance. "I'm okay, Brey you didn't need to come all of this way! The retreat!"

"Can run itself for a few days."

She watched Chloe's cheeks flush and then go slightly sallow. You know, it was funny and all but Beca hadn't really realized it, honestly she hadn't really thought of it at all but there was a whole hell of a lot to fill Aubrey in on, wasn't there? How much did she know? How in touch with Aubrey had Chloe been? It sounded like she hadn't been at all. Did she know about the kiss before Chloe left for Henderson? Beca's car accident? Flashlight going into A.A.? Or what about Nick and Jenny? Did she know that Chloe was pregnant? Oh shit, did she know what was happening between them? Did she know that they had just been naked together upstairs minutes before? Oh this was going to kill Aubrey. The thought made her smile to herself and then the smile dropped away. Beca blew out a long breath, "It's good to see you, Aubs." She wished that Aubrey would look at her a little less like she was a bug. Were they just not friends now? Like, across the board? "Are you staying? Can I show you up to a guest room?"

"I'll get a-"

"Oh come on, at least you can stay with us, err, me. I mean, and yeah, you still have that 'screw Beca' look on your face but I think once we get past that things will be good. We'll have fun. Come on."

Aubrey's hands went to the back of her hips as she stared down at Beca and not really knowing what else to do, Beca just stared back.

"What, my place not good enough?"

This was fun. Great way to start the morning.

The fuck?

She felt her insides wriggle a bit and wondered yet again if it would be okay to be sick on the floor.

Of course it is, this is your place and even if it wasn't, who understood spontaneous vomiting more than Aubrey?

"Fine."

Beca gave a small nod, "Can I help you grab something from the car?"

 

 

"So how have you been, Aubrey?" Beca asked as they left the elevator at the ground floor, "I feel like we didn't get to talk much last time. How's the retreat?"

"It's going well, thank you."

"Awesome. I've got a big-"

"Why is Chloe here?" Aubrey suddenly turned on her, cutting her off entirely.

It was always a little frustrating how hard it was to get out full sentences around the blonde.

"Errr-" she grabbed the other small bag in the back of the rental car and turned, taking a deep breath, "I dunno, Aubrey. You're going to have to ask her. So like, do you like not care about  _our_  friendship at all anymore? You were a total bitch to me last time and it seems like that is going to be how it goes now too."

"You know I've  _always_  had trust issues with you, Beca."

"What? Because I sang a different song in your set like a bajillion years ago and you think it almost took the ICCA's away from us? What? It's been fucking years. I was like eighteen! Get over it! You don't like my attitude? Well, it's different now.  _I'm_ different now."

"No you're not! I used to be on your side Beca, I used to feel bad for you with this  _thing_ you always had for her. I was mad, on your behalf, when I found out she never knew. But then I remembered that it hasn't been that long since you were running from Chloe, fighting in your kitchen, being an all-around toolbag."

"I uh-"

"I don't understand, Beca. Why is she here? Is it for you? She always seems to be doing this or that because _you_ need it. Was it another car accident?"

"What? No! Has it ever occurred to you that she's here for her own reasons? Maybe I'm not this evil temptress who lured her in with candy and a white minivan. Oh my  _fucking god,_ why am I even fighting with you about this. Look, you're going to have to ask Chloe why she is here, I guess."

She turned and started back to the condo. She quickly caught the elevator, giving Aubrey a dry smile as the doors closed before she could catch up. Once inside she headed straight up the stairs but not before she caught a quick glance of Chloe in the kitchen, her face tomato red, her lips trembling; frozen in place and looking guilty as though moments before she had been pacing and flailing, on the verge of tears.

Crap. I guess that answered how much she's been in contact with Aubrey. It couldn't be that bad. Only a few days, right? Err, like…ten…ish. Though, maybe it wasn't the amount of time, maybe it was the content.

"So here you go." Beca dropped the bag on the bed when Aubrey appeared. "Take a second. Please." She clicked on a fake smile that dropped away almost instantly. "For the record, I thought our friendship meant something to you. Took us a lot to get there. The way you're acting? Yeah, kind of bullshit."

Aubrey scowled but Beca just moved around her.

 

"I'm fine!" Chloe gasped, unprompted as soon as Beca rounded the corner into the kitchen.

"Uh yeah, totally. Sure, why not?"

"I'm fine!" She cried in a hoarse whisper, pacing fast, her hands waving at her sides.

"Chlo!" Beca grabbed her and held the hiccupping woman still, "It's just Aubrey. What are you always saying about personal truths and shit? Well, now is the time."

"Becccaaaaaa! I haven't told her  _anything._  I'm such a shitty friend."

"You're not. You're just a preoccupied friend, right?" She gave a little quizzical shrug, "No big deal."

"I kind of – haven't even told her that Nick and I were unhappy. Okay, but let me explain." She cried when Beca's eyebrows rose, "She loves Nick and she thinks we're like the best couple ever and she just wouldn't have gotten it."

"So uh, now you have to tell her-"

"Everything."

"Which means you have to admit that you haven't told her some stuff before."

"Right."

"And it's Aubrey."

"Well…"

"Okay." Beca huffed, "The thing is, that's not that big of a deal." She was lying. "Plus, you'll be glad when you've told her and she wants to know, totally. She loves you."

Chloe gave a less certain nod.

Beca wanted to lean in and kiss her but she could hear Aubrey's feet on the stairs so instead she backed away.

"What are you two talking about?"

"What? Nothing! We weren't - nothing." Beca cried and excused herself out to the back where she sat at the far end of the pool and lit a cigarette.

Aubrey.

That was just freaking great.

A nice topping on her shit sandwich.

She didn't get it. Clearly, Aubrey knew that Chloe and Beca had...made up? Chloe was staying with her. So why was she still looking at her like that? Like she was going to eat her alive. She had 'trust issues' when it came to her? She was right that Chloe was always doing things for her, it was something that Beca didn't fully like or understand herself but that wasn't how things were right now and she tried to find things that she could do for her too. Why did Aubrey just assume?

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got.

She and Aubrey had a lot of history together, yeah, but come on, they had already worked through it all. They were friends.

This was pissing her off just a little bit.

And it hurt.

She remembered the night during that surprise trip that Chloe had plans with Nick so she and Aubrey had decided to hang out. They matched drink for drink and ended up together on the living room couch having a drunken confessional – which led to singing – which led to secret confessions - which led to passing out together. It had been awesome, one of her favorite nights ever.

The blonde and the redhead were in the kitchen when she entered, Chloe chopping fruit and vegetables into large chunks for the juicer. Chloe's color had normalized and she was smiling, though it was a bit tight around the edges.

Beca's stomach turned. She wasn't sure she could handle whatever strange mix Chloe was about to make. Actually, it was better if she didn't watch. She went to the fridge and pulled out the eggs, "Hungry?"

Chloe shook her head.

"Aubs?"

"I'll pass, I had something this morning in Henderson."

Beca shrugged and went to work, preparing a breakfast she wasn't sure her stomach could hold and trying hard not to think.

It was difficult however; Aubrey, loud mouth, bossy, rudely opinionated Aubrey was simply sitting at the counter  _watching_  them both. She seemed to have very little to say suddenly and the constant attention was making the hair on the back of Beca's neck stand up.

Chloe finished the juices as Beca finished the eggs.

"Okaaaay." Aubrey finally said as they sat on either side of her. "Is no one going to volunteer any information?”

Beca choked on her juice and Chloe started to wheeze.

"Where's your bag?" Beca was half off her stool but Chloe shook her head, giving Beca a side glance that made her sit her butt back down.

"I'm good. I don't need it."

They fell into silence again.

"Well?"

"I don't know, Brey, I guess there's been a lot of negative recently but there's also been a lot of positive. I'm here. I'm looking into transferring my teaching credential, which seems like it will be really easy. That way I can teach choir at any school I would like, or English. Beca has a meeting today that's going to be great. I'm just trying to focus on the positive.  _We're_ just trying to focus on the positive." She gave her a large over the shoulder grin and finished the juice in one giant gulp and nearly choked.

"Are you kidding me? Somehow that seems like an inadequate response after you yelling at me about Nick! Chloe…you – you have a hickey…”

Beca inhaled her coffee and began to sputter.

Aubrey absently patted her on the back. “You have more than one hickey! I thought – you said - I don’t understand-”

Bleary eyed and still slightly choking Beca stood, doing her absolute best not to look at Chloe. If she did she would start laughing and it would be kind of terrible. She didn't envy Chloe. At least she got to leave, even if it was for the meeting that she was terrified of. Fuck, she was kind of glad to leave now. "I uh, I better get dressed."

 

Once she was upstairs, she spent a second taking a few deep breaths and then dived face first on her bed, letting out a long yell. _‘Chloe, you have a hickey’_. Oh my god! She flopped over and stared up at the ceiling. She knew that she shouldn’t be quite this amused or proud but the thing was – well – she had given Chloe Beale a few hickeys.

She was gonna – yeah, she was gonna have to watch that – maybe. She thought of Chloe’s long swan neck, of the muscles tight while Beca’s mouth bruised the skin…she had to get up. Yup, she had to get up and move. She had a meeting. And to not think about that just then.  

Fuck.

Why couldn't Aubrey have shown up this afternoon instead of right now? That would have been great.

If she wasn't careful, she was going to start to believe this Karma crap that Chloe was always spouting. People just kept showing up and throwing a wrench into her life.

She went to her closet and froze.

She wasn't really an oh-god-what-do-I-wear kind of girl but right now...oh god, what did she wear? Should she dress up? Would that come off as professional or as kind of lame? Did she want to be trendy and cool?

Okay but if she underdressed then that was just as bad too, right?

She grabbed her favorite dress shirt and pulled it on.

No.

She pulled on a tee and glared at herself in the mirror.

No.

She pulled out a skirt and threw it on.

Maybe?

She didn't really own a lot of dresses - but maybe today was a good day to borrow one from Chloe.

Then again, she couldn't exactly see herself rolling into this meeting in blue plaid or warm pink.

So….

Did she have something in between?

She went through four outfits before she finally pulled on a fitted black tank top, her favorite black pants, and a blazer, hearing Chloe's voice in her head as it reminded her that Kendra was coming for her.

Right. Be yourself - or something - whatever - I'll ask Chloe to repeat it - maybe I can get her to write it on the back of my hand for me.

Still she spent another fifteen minutes fiddling with her body jewelry, not taking them out but instead changing them for the politest studs that she could. She did her makeup and finally stepped back to look at the finished product.

Well. It wasn't great or anything but she  _almost_  looked like a music producer…whatever that meant.

Oh god, the only thing left to do was go.

Oh shit.

Oh crap.

"Is it time? Already?" Chloe's doe eyes were wide when Beca appeared.

Beca could feel herself itching ever so slightly, actively working to put the night before from her mind.

She needed a cigarette.

She needed -

"Uh, yeah, if I take much more time then she might get there before me."

They both shot a simultaneous glance at their friend and then away. Suddenly Beca wasn't so glad that Aubrey was here. She didn't like feeling vulnerable - fucking  _ever_  - but after last night, after having Chloe's embraces and kisses to lean on for the last few days - she wanted them. But she couldn't have them, could she? No, not in front of Aubrey. That seemed like a little too much all at once. Surprise, Aubs, you hate me and I'm fucking your best friend, yaaaaaaay! Don't hit me, 'kay?

"Okay." Chloe's jaw set. "You're going to be great." She grabbed Beca's shoulders, squeezing hard, "Just try to have  _fun_. She already recorded one of your tracks, so you don't need to worry. You're going to be amazing."

Beca felt herself looking up at her, unsure exactly how to play this. She wished Aubrey would stop watching them so closely. She opened her mouth but she couldn't say anything she wanted to.

It was alright, Chloe understood anyway.

"It's going to be great. Okay?"

Beca gave her a nod.

Chloe's cheeks flushed ever so slightly and for a second she looked hopefully nervous, reminding Beca powerfully of the first time they met. "Can I take you out to dinner tonight?" She asked in a whisper, "To celebrate."

Stunned Beca felt her mouth fall open. Was this another date request? She had bumbled the last one. Or was this a simple request to go out? She couldn't imagine that Chloe meant it as a date with Aubrey there. She watched those baby blues flick to her lips and back and realized with a crash that Chloe wanted to kiss her - as badly as Beca wanted her to. Holy shit, she had to take a moment. Fuck. If she achieved nothing else in her life, it was okay because she, Beca Mitchell, had successfully made Chloe freaking Beale want to kiss her - actively - want to kiss her.

She was a wizard and lesbians everywhere should call her their god. Fucking Ironman.

Oh shit. She had been quiet for a little too long.

"Uh yeah, totally we should do dinner," she tried to read Chloe's face, "I mean, we  _all_  should do dinner?" Was this what she should be saying? "That's a great idea I'll call Emily and we should totally go out because that's a great idea, sure."

Shut up, Beca.

Ugh.

She cleared her throat, irritated by the beatific smile on Chloe's face. "I uh-"

"I'm so proud of you, Beca, no matter what happens today."

Oh gooooooooood, how had kissing her become so addictive so quickly? She  _wanted_  it.

Instead she blushed all the harder and since she couldn't do anything else or say anything else, she turned and started for the door.

She had this.

She could do this.

Kendra had already recorded something from her.

Cakewalk.

She paused outside to take a smoke break and breathe, she just needed to breathe.

She fucking had this.

She was Beca Mitchell...and she had this.

 

The confidence slipped from her though as she stepped into the studio. She had waved hello to P.J., dropping off the second coffee she had grabbed on the way in as she often did for him. She sat and listened to his brief appreciation that Beca had left as instructed the night before, which reminded her she needed to call Emily. "Right. Yeah. Do you have any word on Hunny?"

"My business ended the moment you and Emily left last night, Bexy."

Beca scowled.

Hunny couldn't still be unresponsive, right? And if she was then that was probably a bad sign…right? She would call David when she was done. There had to be some type of update by now. She was about to ask if that was getting too near the situation for P.J. when she realized she didn't want to know. Instead she gave him a stiff smile and headed to the back of the lot, trying not to feel like his giant presence was smothering the life from her. Though…was it just her or had he seemed kind of…detached?

She loved her studio, god, she had always loved it. The day P.J. had given her the keys had been one of the best of her life. She and Hunny had spent a few hours cleaning it up and then Beca had hung her picture; that picture that had made it hers.

Now she found herself wishing that she could air the place out. It smelled of cigarette smoke and very vaguely of weed and dust. The carpet was threadbare and slightly discolored. It looked, in short, like the second rate studio on the lot. She wondered if P.J. could be talked into at least updating the carpets.

She sat in her rotating chair and stared around. She loved this place, she did, but she was ready for better. She wanted better.

Yeah, she would see if she could modernize. If she got this job with Kendra then he would have to let her, right?

There was also the sister studio...the small voice in the back of her head reminded her. Was that still off the table? She had never seen it, hell it might be just as run down, but it could be hers.

Okay, wow, not the fucking time to think about that.

Instead she looked up to the photo on the wall and felt a swell of sadness. She missed her Bellas today. She missed her Bellas most days.

She crossed her arms, debating a cigarette outside as yet again Jeremy's slack face popped into her head.

"Damn it."

"I saw some of your performances on YouTube, you know."

"What?" Beca jumped.

How had it never occurred to her that she and the Bellas would be on YouTube? Why was that weird?

"Well, my producer was pitching me this song written by a twenty-something-year-old and a  _teenager_ , so I had to look into you, girl. You guys were pretty dope."

"Thanks."

"Even made me kind of realize that the whole a capella thing was kinda cool."

"Oh my god, trust me, it took me a while to get there too. I'm pretty sure I spent the first six months I was in the group in a power dive of self-loathing because I was in a fucking collegiate a capella group. Like – what the actual fuck?" Beca turned to give Kendra a grin and stumbled. Oh god, Kendra was here, this was happening it was time. She felt her eyes go wide and the blood drain from her face.

No, she could not throw up on Kendra, she couldn't, just fucking couldn't.

"Whoa there, you okay?"

Jeremy's face popped into her mind, pale and ashen, Hunny stumbling over nothing as she tried to lift her - and her heart rate began to climb - Chloe sitting atop her as she ran her hands up and down Chloe's soft belly.

She had been so confident once, in her singing, in her dancing, in her running of the Bellas. She remembered how it felt to walk out onto a stage and  _know_  that she had created something worth seeing, that she and the Bellas deserved to be there because they were the best, plain and simple. She remembered that confidence and she felt some of the weight leave her chest. She was still that person. She was still Beca Effin' Mitchell.

She took a shaky deep breath, "Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Let's do this."

 

****

 

Chloe couldn't seem to sit still. She was touched, honestly touched, that Aubrey thought she was in distress so she got on a plane. She loved her for it, but - she couldn't seem to force herself into a seat. It was obvious that the whole 'let's just focus on the positive thing' was not sufficient for Aubrey, not that she blamed her. She would have smacked Aubrey if she had said something like that to her when Chloe knew she had something going on. But if she sat down with her then she would have to tell her  _all of it_  and she couldn't do that! She just couldn't! There was so much. She couldn't force herself into a seat because if she did then she would have to start all the way back at the beginning and  _that_  was one of the main things that she couldn't tell her!

No, no.

The beginning started with her and their mutual friend on a couch, having a transcendently lesbian experience. She couldn't tell her about that night! She couldn't tell her that Missy had cheated on her husband - with her - in whatever way - they had both cheated. She couldn't tell her what it had felt like, what it had been like. But most of all she couldn't tell her because if she did then it would lead into telling her that she was gay - which she just couldn't do.

It wasn't because she knew that Aubrey would take it badly, she thought that perhaps Aubrey wouldn't even be surprised. She remembered making out with her - that one time - and while they had both been surprisingly into it, Chloe's general excitement for the act had far surpassed Aubrey's…and while Chloe had always thought that her best friend had a little untouched gay side herself…but…

It was more that...well...she had never told anyone outside of the people directly involved. It was a big step and the idea was frightening.

And if she told her that she was gay then she would have to tell her about her marriage struggles over the last few years, which she had always been somewhat vague about. Aubrey had always seemed to take hope from her marriage, seeing it as proof that one day she would find someone and marry too...honestly, she had always thought that Aubrey had a little thing for Nick; she had always called him the perfect man. So she couldn't tell her that they were probably divorcing.

And if she didn't tell her that they were probably divorcing then there was no way to tell Aubrey about Jenny or the fact that Jenny was carrying Nick's baby. Nor could she tell her about her own possible pregnancy.

And above all, she couldn't explain why she had run from Henderson straight into Beca's open arms. How could she tell her about her hidden feelings, about the moment everything became clear to her? She couldn't tell her about holding the back of Beca's neck and suddenly seeing in her face everything she had ever wanted from their friendship. She couldn't tell her about how it had felt to all at once understand that warm, sliding feeling in her belly when Beca got too close to her. She couldn’t tell her about the powerful, all-consuming feeling that happened in her when she could feel Beca’s lips on her body – how it was like they had found the thing that had been absent from their friendship – the missing puzzle piece. She couldn't tell her any of that when she knew that Aubrey wouldn't understand. Aubrey loved Beca, she knew this for a fact, but she also knew that since Beca had disappeared Aubrey thought of Beca as a child, an unreliable, unsteady child.

She never really had known Beca the way that Chloe had known her.

So she fluttered around the kitchen, keeping their conversation small; L.A., the changing weather, where they could go to dinner that night, and Aubrey let her, watching her flutter and clean.

"What is this big thing that Beca is doing this morning?" Aubrey asked as Chloe struggled to put the juicer back together.

"Oh!" Chloe grinned, "She has a big meeting with the woman who bought 'Flashlight'. It sounds like she wants Beca to work on her next album  _solo_. I think it's kinda her big break." She said with a click of her tongue, that familiar just-for-Beca pride filling her again.

"Woooow." Aubrey drew out the word glancing around, "Seems like our little Beca is doing well for herself. Is this something she can handle?"

"I'm not worried. She's going to be amazing today. I can't wait to hear what their album will sound like."

"So she's doing better than she was when I saw her last then?"

Chloe wasn't fooled, she knew this was a transition into everything but she couldn't help herself, "Loads. I think she just got stuck."

"Oh and you popped the cork for her, huh?"

She didn't know why but she blushed.

"Chloe-"

"So I was thinking," Chloe cut her off, "that I need to take a quick shower but after that we should do something! How long are you here? Is there anything you want to do?"

Aubrey's face went blank and Chloe could almost hear the 'are you aca-serious'?

Answers, what she wanted were answers from her best friend. "Okay! I'll be right back. Make yourself at home, okay?"

Suddenly she understood why Beca ran from things. That had just been so much easier. Sure, she had her own defense mechanism but avoiding was so not the same as running - and she had just flat out run.

She rubbed her stomach again, that juice was not sitting well at all. It was just the stress. Ugh, but it didn't feel good. She didn't like this feeling she kept getting in her stomach over the last twenty-four hours, this thick noxious flash.

Maybe it was just acting as her own personal reminder that she couldn't really run here. Yes, she was upstairs alone but no matter how long she was up there, Aubrey was down there. Waiting for her.

Oh god, what was she going to say? Brey deserved to know the truth. She was her best friend and she was keeping things from her, she had to tell her.

She just...wasn't looking forward to it.

All of those things...all of those reasons...they weren't real. She knew that.

 

Chloe took longer than she should have to shower, taking her time with her hair and her makeup. She wasn't stalling but - okay she was stalling a little.

She just wanted to know what she was going to say before she said it because knowing her, she would get down there and she would just spill all of it in one big jumble pile, announcing it in brass bold letters like: _‘I have nodes!’_ And she really couldn’t do that this time.

Her stomach gave a rumble followed by a small wave of nausea.

She just needed to do it, just go down there and tell her everything. Then she could sit back and enjoy her friend which was something she wanted to do very much.

Finally she was as primped and polished as she could be so she sighed and headed down the stairs.

"Emily!" She hadn't even heard the door.

"Hey." It was easy to see the droop to her shoulders. "Nothing?"

"No, no word yet." Oh! Here was some information she could give Aubrey without consequence. "Do you remember Hunny?"

"Yes." Aubrey's eyelashes fluttered and Chloe knew she was remembering the special attention she had gotten from her the night they met.

"She overdosed last night."

"What?"

"Yeah, I just couldn't sit at home by myself anymore." Emily scowled at nothing.

Chloe nodded, reaching out and squeezing her hand.

"What did she overdose  _on_?"

"Heroin."

"They're on  _heroin_?" Aubrey's hair bounced as she looked back and forth between Emily and Chloe, the Bellas captain coming out in spades.

"What?" It took Chloe a minute to understand, "Why would you assume Beca is on drugs too?"

"Well, Hunny's her girlfriend, isn't she?"

Silence filled the room.

This was the perfect moment.

Say it, Chloe, just  _say_ it.

No, Beca isn't with Hunny. She and I are sleeping together.

Just say it.

It's really not  _that_ big of a deal. I mean  _really._

"Um, well, maybe not so much anymore." Emily finally said, slowly, her eyes sliding to Chloe and quickly away.

She felt her stomach leap; they had never said anything to Emily but Emily clearly knew. Was it that obvious?

"I love Hunny, but I think Beca uh, moved on to better things."

Awwwwwe, Emily! Would it be obvious if she hugged her right now?

"So any word on Bex?"

"Not yet." Chloe had to swallow hard to bite back her grin.

"Do you think she'll be gone for a long time? I mean, she's kinda between projects right now, right?"

"I think so. I forgot to ask her when she thought she would be back but I know we're going to dinner tonight." When she had asked – she had meant – but that was okay- "You should come, sweetie."

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, totally. Where are we going? I'll tell Benji. Oh my god, Teppanyaki! Pulleeeeease!"

Chloe laughed, "Um, I'm not sure what Beca wants to do but I'm fine with that. Aubrey, what are you in the mood for? Em, is there somewhere cool we can take her?"

 

The three settled onto the couch, discussing meal possibilities and Chloe was pleased when that broke off into a conversation between Emily and Aubrey. The oldest Bella and the youngest never really got all that much time to get to know one another but Chloe had always thought that Emily's general attitude would be good for Aubrey.

However, despite the easy conversation she could still see the quick glances that Aubrey was constantly throwing at her, some baffled, some peevish. It was a mounting pressure in her gut, every flick of Aubrey's eyes back to her made her stomach boil a little more.

Lunch time came and went without regard and Chloe only felt worse. She heard all of Aubrey's subtle hints, each one hitting her like a crack in the face. She could feel the tension growing; even Emily was starting to squirm.

Emily and Aubrey were getting along well and very little was needed from Chloe to keep the conversation going. She was glad. She knew that her quiet only highlighted the strangeness of the current situation but she - she just wasn't feeling very good. The more the awkward pressure grew, the more her stomach rumbled, the more she could feel it all building.

Oh god, her cheeks felt like they were on fire.

Even she knew this reaction that she was having was a little strong. She didn't understand it, but her stomach boiled, her skin burned. She took the deep, long breaths that she had learned to keep her panic at bay - but then Aubrey threw her a particularly baffled and mildly hurt glance and Chloe's stomach turned.

Pressure.

So much pressure.

Just say it.

Emily will know everything soon enough anyway.

Just say it.

She clicked on her huge smile at Aubrey's next glance, wondering if she was as flushed as she felt. Her face felt splotchy, all at once hot and cold. It was very unpleasant.

"Well, I'm glad that you and Benji are working out, Emily." Aubrey said with a grin that made Chloe's stomach turn all the more. She felt like a bottle of pop shaken and waiting for the cap to be released. "But I have to admit, the relationship I'm curious about-"

"Okay! Nick and I are divorcing!" Her hand clamped over her mouth. Emily jumped at Chloe's sudden outburst, nearly spilling her cup of coffee. "Oh shit."

" _What?_ " Aubrey gasped as Emily chewed her cheek, looking up at the ceiling awkwardly.

"I uh," Her head snapped up when she heard the door handle rattle. "Beca's home!"

"Oh no, keep talking!" Aubrey started but both of the other women were on their feet, completely ignoring her. “Chloe!”

" _Early_! It's really early! Not even five yet!" Emily cried, bouncing back and forth as though one or both of her feet were numb.

"I know, do you think that's a good thing or bad?" Chloe's stomach churned all the harder, completely distracted from her best friend who looked like someone had nuked her.

"Um."

It must have been a slightly overwhelming sight to open the door and see them both standing there, waiting with baited breath.

"Jesus, guys!" Beca jumped, dropping her keys.

"Oh! Sorry!" Chloe gave her the best smile she could, waiting. "We were -"

"Excited." Emily finished, nodding robotically.

"Yeah, excited."

Beca looked between them and Chloe thought she was going to explode all over again.

" _Well_?" Beca needed this win, oh god, Beca needed it.

"Well. EZ walked."

Chloe felt like a balloon that had been pricked, "What?  _No_ _!_ "

"Damn it!" Emily cried over her. "Gosh freaking darn it!"

"He walked? Oh, Bec, I'm-"

"Yaaaaa, don't be sorry."

Chloe and Emily frowned, exchanging a look.

"I guess P.J. got him out of some trouble last night and he feels like he owes him. I kind of think that's just an excuse but, I don't know, whatever."

"Bec? Um-"

Beca shrugged, pulling off her blazer and boots.

"And Kendra?"

Chloe's heart clenched as Beca's eyes turned to her, only for her, "Oh you mean the chic whose album I'm producing?"

"What?" Chloe hadn't even realized she was moving, not until her arms were around Beca’s neck, her legs around her waist and they were screaming, rattling one another's eardrums as Beca spun them. Chloe screamed until she ran out of breath and then happily took a huge gulp of air. The floral smell of lavender hit her like a ton of bricks and - suddenly Chloe was running the opposite direction.

 

****

 

Beca frowned as Chloe ripped out of her arms, nearly taking Beca down as she sprinted, her hand firmly over her mouth, full tilt toward the downstairs bath.

"Chlo?" She and Emily exchanged a worried glance. “Chloe?”

And though they heard the bathroom door being kicked closed the sound that came afterward made them all cringe.

"Um…" Beca frowned. The hell had just happened?

"Is she throwing up?" Aubrey asked, eyes wide, "Is she sick? She hasn't eaten anything all day. I'm so  _freaking_  confused. Did you know that she and Nick are divorcing?"

"Well, yeah." Beca scoffed, "It would be kind of hard for him to be with Jenny otherwise. I mean I guess they could 'Big Love' it and all share a house with the wives and the babies."

"Jenny? Who the hell is Jenny? What babies?"

Beca felt her own stomach drop out as she looked up into Aubrey's confused face, "Ooooh. She didn't tell you about that? So...um, what  _did_  she tell you - then?"

They all cringed again.

Ew.

On second thought, "I should uh," she pointed awkwardly toward the bathroom.

"What's wrong with her? Is she sick?"

 _Is she sick?_  

And then it hit her. Suddenly she grabbed Aubrey's arm, needing to hold on to something, "She's throwing up... _holy shit_ , she's throwing up! Oh my god!" Beca yelled, grabbing Aubrey's arms and jumping up and down like the floor below her was suddenly made of springy trampoline. "She's throwing up, she's fucking throwing up! HOLY SHIT! YES!" This was fucking amazing. Yes! " _Oh_!" Right, the sound of Chloe being sick yet again made her stop; she should probably help her.

So what if she took the living room at a jog and threw open the bathroom door perhaps a little more enthusiastically than vomiting should usually require.

"Noooo, Beca, go away!" Chloe cried the moment she crashed into the room, still bouncing. "I don't want you to see me like this!"

"Shut up."

"Beca, seriously!"

But Beca was leaning down beside her, literally pulling her hair back, spidering her fingers through her temples so she had to look at her, "Chlo."

"Ohgod!" Chloe groaned, trying to hide her face.

"Baby?"

"Whaaat?"

"You're throwing up."

She could barely sit still, how was Chloe not getting it?

"I know, I'm  _stressed._ It's stupid. I- "

" _Chloe_. You're -  _throwing - up_." She said it slowly, letting each word sink in.

"Wha-" She watched realization dawn across her face and together they both screamed again, Chloe launching herself at Beca, knocking her over so they fell back onto the floor, hugging tightly.

Beca caught her as best she could.

This was a great freaking day.

"See!" Beca cried as she stood, almost lifting her off the ground again in her excitement, "This is a good thing!"

"I can't beli-oh god, Bec you smell!" then Chloe was back at the toilet.

"Wait, is it  _me_?" Beca sniffed herself, she could smell some of Kendra's perfume but nothing gross.

"Lavender." Chloe finally got out, making Beca yelp and jump away.

"Shit, fuck!" She backed away quickly and straight into - Aubrey and Emily who had been watching the entire scene from the doorway. She had forgotten about Aubrey. "Um. Hi." She looked up and gave her the best smile she could muster.

Aubrey's face was fire, "What in the ham freaking jones is going on?"

"Uuuuummmmm…" Beca frowned, not exactly intimidated by Aubrey's death glare but the grip on her arm was starting to hurt. "Heh-" she let out an awkward laugh, "Ow. Aubrey, ow! Let go. Ow!"

The bathroom door swung back open and Chloe came out, slightly shiny and despite the pain in her arm, Beca found she had eyes for nothing else. "So?"

She watched a smile spread across Chloe's face, "I've never been so happy to be sick before."

Beca smirked, "So maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe  _what_?"

Beca yelped, going down on one knee, "Ow,ow,ow,ow!"

"Oh! Brey! You're hurting her!"

To their left, Emily's phone began to ring, "O.M.G., this is Marion's number, right? Bex, this is Marion?"

Beca glanced, nodding and whining, "Arm. Christ, arm, Shrek, arm!"

Emily skipped from the room.

"Since when do you not tell me things, Chloe?"

"Aubrey! Ow!"

"Oh." Aubrey's hand released but her lips turned into paper thin lines.

"I'm sorry, Brey! I'm so sorry!" Chloe crooned, coming close to her friend and then recoiling, her hand going to her mouth.

"Damn! Is it me again?" Great - she made her um - date….friend...fuck buddy...love of her life…best friend…thing... _Chloe..._ the smell of her was making Chloe - throw up. Awesome. She got all the sexy points in the world for that.

"I'm sorry!" Chloe looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Brey, there's just so much. There's so much to say!" She huffed in a deep breath, "Okay, I'm just going to stay it all, I'm just going to rip the Band-Aid off, I'm just going to-"

"Chlo!"

"Nick and I are getting divorced. No, no, it's okay, it's good. He's in  _love_. He and his office girl are in love and they're having a baby. He told me right after Beca's accident and so I just kind of stayed here. I haven't told my parents and I don't think Nick has told his but he seems happy now which is good because we've been miserable since about six months after our wedding. I mean, really miserable. Um, and I'm probably staying - here - in L.A. - and I'm going to teach and life is going to be wonderful and- and - and -" Beca frowned, watching her face turn green again, "do you remember Missy Abbott?"

"IT WAS MISSY ABBOTT?" Beca hadn't meant to yell.

Chloe just gave her an unsteady smile, looking slightly wobbly.

"What about Missy?" Aubrey frowned.

"Well." Her voice wobbled.

"Chlo, are you okay?" Without thinking about it Beca took a step forward, reaching to steady her.

"Oh god, Bec, nooo-" Chloe's face churned and she was gone again.

"Fuck! I'm fucking going to get into the fucking shower."

"Chloe!" Aubrey cried, panic on her face as she grabbed Beca's arm again, this time with concern.

Oh god, she was going to have to invest in some Pepto for her own stomach over the next little bit, wasn't she?

"Beca-"

There was a sickening heave from the bathroom that made both Beca and Aubrey wince and swallow hard and then from the bathroom Chloe's weak voice moaned, "And I'm pregnant."

Aubrey's eyes flew wide, turning on Beca.

"Heh-heh, so uh, dinner plans? Anyone made them yet?"

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

"Hunny's alive! She's good! No brain damage, nothing!" Emily shouted, storming back into the room and freezing upon reentry, "What happened?"

"Errr…" Beca looked around, searching for something to say.

"Beca," Chloe's shaky voice came from the bathroom. "I'm sorry but will you do me a favor please and get in that shower?"

" _On it_." She cried, leaving a blank-faced Aubrey standing in the middle of the room.

Okay, so maybe she had just run a little bit but what else was she supposed to do? Chloe literally threw up every time she got near her...which, you know, made her feel super awesome and sexy, like come here baby - BLEEEEGH - yeah! She loved that. It would be so like her to get a sex life with Chloe - only to lose it because she literally made her vomit.

And if her shower got her away from Aubrey's stunned face then all the better.

 

She showered thoroughly, scrubbing her body until it was sore and washing her hair twice, worrying about each new scent she used. She needed to run to some fancy boutique and get some crunchy scent free, fragrance free crap if this was going to keep up!

She left her clothes in a pile in the corner of the bathroom, just so she wouldn't get the smell on her from bringing them down to the washing machine.

Once she was dressed she started toward the stairs again, having absolutely no idea what she was going to find when she got there. It could be anything from a heart to heart in progress to a few dead bodies on her living room floor. Toss up, really.

She stopped just outside her own door though, hearing someone moving across the hall in Chloe's room.

Fully aware that it could be Aubrey she knocked, "Chlo?" She peeked around the door, "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Chloe gave her a hesitant smile.

Glowing. They always say that pregnant women glow.

Then again, Chloe was always the woman who glowed, wasn't she?

"I showered. You wanna smell me?" She would have laughed at any other moment, she wanted to laugh now, still giddy about the fact that Chloe was sick at all; only she thought that if Chloe smelled her and got sick again she might die.

Chloe tentatively stepped to her and rubbed her nose across Beca's cheek, "Oh thank goodness," she sighed, obviously relieved. "Mmmm, Bare Minerals. It still kind of trips me out that something like makeup can smell so-" she took a deep breath, "sexy."

Beca let out an unsteady titter, wondering if her legs were going to keep her upright. "So no nausea?"

"Nope."

"Great! Awesome! No more hugging Kendra."

Chloe laughed, returning to the dresser to finish changing.

"So, downstairs, that went -"

"Not exactly like I had been hoping." Chloe bit her lip.

"Yeah…"

"Aubrey's downstairs with Emily. I told her that we would talk a bit later."

Beca nodded, sitting on the bed, "So um, I just happened to notice that there was uh, one, well I guess two kind of crucial pieces of information that you didn't really, that I didn't really,"

Chloe chewed her lip, "I know Bec, I just don't know how to give her more."

Soooooo...yeah, she could work with that.

Totally.

Back in the closet?

She could do that.

How long was Aubrey staying again?

"Okay, yeah."

"Are you sure?"

Beca couldn't help but to smile at her, "So what is happening for dinner?"

 

* * *

 

She had a lot of awkward nights, of course she had,  _everyone_  had.

There was the night she had thrown up on the couch at her first sleepover and then had to stay until morning, parents glaring at her and all of the other girls avoiding her. She could remember nights of getting caught in the throes by the parents of high school boyfriends – and once the parents of the girl who had been 'teaching her how to kiss'. She could remember nights of exceedingly bad Bella concerts; she could remember the countless number of times she had simply opened her mouth and made a bad time for everyone with her awkwardness.

She had a lot of humiliation in her past.

She had a lot of uncomfortable she tried to never remember.

But none of them were as strained or forced as this one.

 _None of them_.

They had all willingly agreed that an early dinner was a great idea, mostly - Beca thought - to have something to do. So they had headed out as soon as everyone changed - which meant they were out so early that they beat the L.A. young adult dinner rush and instead had stumbled into the L.A. early bird rush; all of the tourists and theatregoers packing the restaurant to the brim.

Beca had expected Aubrey's domineering side to come out once they had all settled to wait for their table, insisting on clarification, insisting that she needed to know all the details  _now_  but if she had planned to turn on them, then she had been derailed by the shining arrival of Benji...and  _Jesse._

"Holy shit!" Beca cried as the men pushed through the front doors, giggling together like schoolboys. She knew that Jesse was living in town; as a matter of fact every now and then they even attended the same events since their fields were  _almost_  related.

They had always given one another a friendly hello, shared a drink and then went their separate ways, usually thoroughly distracted with work or by colleagues, even sometimes by dates. It was always a little strange for Beca, standing there with the last ghost of her heterosexuality but Jesse had always been good in uncomfortable situations.

"I ran into this guy today and since we're having a little Barden reunion I thought I would invite him along."

"Oooh!" Chloe's eyelashes fluttered uncomfortably, "Where did you run into one another? This is so great!" Beca glanced at Chloe across the group, unable to decide if she was being genuine or not.

"Uh...my phone." Benji gave her an awkward smile.

"He called me." Jesse clarified with a chuckle, "He thought I might want to join and since I'm here let's all just go with it. It'll be fun!"

"Awesome. Cool, good to see you, Jesse!" Jesse and Benji were still actively best friends so it wasn't really that much of a surprise. Honestly, what was a surprise was that they hadn't all done this before. Beca wouldn't have minded so much, Jesse was a cool - if not slightly annoying - guy.

She felt Chloe's eyes shift to her and then to Aubrey before her lips twisted and she fell silent.

Wait. Did she have a problem with this? Like, actually? Why the hell would she have a problem with this? Because he was her ex-boyfriend? She did realize that Beca had broken up with him simply because he was a man, right? Plus, that whole being epically in love with  _her_ thing…right? She had seen that look before; she had come to know it well when she and Jesse had been dating. Beca had always thought of it as the 'I'm not spending enough time with Chloe' face but she saw it now for what it was: jealousy. Why the hell was she jealous?

"So guys, it's been a while!" Jesse cheered leaning against the wall beside Beca, "How is everybody? Bec, what's new with you? How's EZTeez? Man, that guy is awesome! I finally got my hands on his last album a week or two ago. The guy knows how to lay down some mad beats. Though, I guess you had something to do with that, huh?"

Okay, so she wasn't upset about EZ exactly...no...she was upset...but she also had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to be better off...as was she. Yeah, Dave and a few others were going to want her to go out with them but none of them had been as demanding as EZ, right? Can't make an omelet without cracking some eggs...or...something. Still, she felt herself scowl.

"No? Okay." Jesse shifted, seeming to realize he had touched a sore spot, "Uuuh, my bad. Chloe, I don't think I've seen you since World's. How have you been? You got married, right? I saw a few of the pictures. The wedding was beautiful. Congratulations!" Beca watched Chloe's eyes go owlish and she looked away and back to the menu posted beside the host station, "Woooow, okay, 0 for 2. Aubrey! You've never really liked me; let's try you, how are you? It's been a very long time! Anything eventful in your life? You still doing that retreat thing back in Georgia? What brought you out to L.A.?" Aubrey shot Chloe a death glare and Jesse just nodded, "Of coooourse! I'm doing so well. I'll just stick with what I know then. Em, I've been meaning to text you. Natalie, my girlfriend for those of you who aren't caught up on the latest Jesse gossip, just found out last week that you know Hunny Brooks. I don't know who the hell that was but she's excited. She was wondering if we all could go for a drink soon."

And the night just continued to get worse from there.

It wasn't Jesse's fault; he was just trying to get a conversation going but it was kind of like watching a batter step up to the plate and instead of hitting the very much needed home run and bringing the team to glory - he was pelted over and over again in the crotch with the ball until he was a blubbering mess on the floor.

It took them an hour - a goddamn hour - to even get a table. Despite her frequent breaks from the awkward when she went out for a cigarette, she had been a breath away from calling the whole evening off when they were finally seated.

After that Beca tried, she really did, to keep the conversation floating as they all put in their drink orders but it was beginning to feel like trying to drag a feather through tar. It was freaking impossible. They all laughed and responded like normal when prompted but as for any type of conversational volley - it just wasn't happening. Beca brought up music, thinking that a few of them would cling on and get the ball rolling but after a few remarks it turned out that Jesse didn't know the same type of artists that she and Emily knew and Aubrey knew none at all. It fell flat. So then they moved on to L.A. itself and that worked for a while until they exhausted places they had all been. Chloe brought up weather and families and then Aubrey brought up careers and whether or not there would be a new 'Emily Elliott' album happening in the near future. This topic _almost_ lasted since Emily - and the fact that she had decided not to record under her legal last name of _Junk_ was kind of a hilarious topic that always inevitably ended with Beca shouting in frustration that 'no one could sell an album with the name Junk or Hardon' but even with that they still found themselves in silence soon after. They freaking ran through topics like water, she and Jesse trying to keep them all afloat like a bad game of water polo. Each time a new topic failed the whole table gave a little laugh and went to work, trying hard to come up with a new one.

Finally, forty-five minutes later after they had placed their dinner orders, they settled on the topic of college and that seemed to help. As a group they went through their favorite routines and performances and when that was through Beca droned on about the other Bellas and what was happening in their lives. Somehow she knew she was talking mostly to Jesse. She had to try hard to ignore the open amusement on Jesse's face; fully aware that while he probably cared about what the other Bellas were up to - he didn't care this much. She just kept talking though because each time she stopped the silence enveloped them again so she brought up another Bella. When she ran out of them Jesse took his turn, biting back a we-can-get-through-this-if-we-work-together boyish smile and listing through the Trebles.

Of course the restaurant was possibly the slowest in all of L.A. too. This would have been bad enough in a regular restaurant where dinner would last an hour or two tops but every single thing they needed seemed to take a good twenty minutes - and they were  _still_ waiting for their damned food!

"So Bec," Jesse finally said after another short silence, "Dating anyone interesting right now? I saw your speech online."

"My speech?"

"Yeah, the one that,” he gave a large theatric sigh, both hands resting over his heart, “brought hope to the hearts of young gay music producers to-be everywhere." He gave her a teasing grin, “What was that about?” It still took her a second to understand what the hell he was talking about.

"Oh, you mean when I came out?" It had been kind of a spur of the moment decision and it still surprised her how often it came up.

"Yeah!" He chuckled, "It only took a few years but at least now I know why you broke up with me!"

She let out an amused snort, "Okay asshole, I don't even-"

"It was funny actually. I saw that video like as soon as it happened. Pretty much all the Trebles tweeted it to me. My app just absolutely exploded!"

"Uhhh -okay - um, no, this isn't weird at all. Um, no, I'm not seeing anyone."

Don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe.

"Really? Because I know this lady at work who has a  _huge_  thing for you, I mean, it could sink the Titanic."

"Are you trying to set me up right now?" Beca couldn't help but to laugh.

"I mean, what are friends for, right?"

"Uh -" awkward, this was awkward, "sure, yeah, I guess so. She hot?"

Don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe.

But it was Emily's eye she caught and her look of confusion nearly tipped her over into uncomfortable giggles.

"Uh, I guess so. In a kind of gay way, anyway."

"In a gay way? What the hell does that mean?"

"I mean, her hair is really short and she wears a lot of button ups. Honestly, she's handsome, is what she is. I kind of wish I were as hot as she is."

The table all gave a polite titter while Beca threw her head back and laughed.

Honestly Beca would have found the whole situation uncomfortably amusing, like laughing at a funeral, if everyone hadn't seemed like they wanted to gouge their own eyes out.

 

They had finally gotten Aubrey on a roll, letting her drone on and on about some client at the retreat until their food came and the conversation could comfortably become a little more scattered.

Chloe and Benji fell into a conversation about their food; Jesse and Emily about the movie Jesse was apprenticing on so Beca sighed and focused on eating. She could turn and try to strike up a conversation with Aubrey but she had already done her duty.

It was wordlessly unanimous that they all would skip dessert but once the bill was paid, Beca covering it in a moment of flashy chivalry, Jesse threw a wrench into Beca's plan to run home and into her bed.

"So guys, drinks? Anyone? Oh come on, I haven't seen almost any of you in literally years. We can get past this, let's keep this ball rolling. Emillyyyyy," he grinned, "you never did make me that shot you wanted me to try. Let's have some fun!"

Beca glanced at Emily, seeing her cheeks flushed. It seemed pretty clear that she was playing the whole not drinking anymore thing pretty close to the chest. "Actually, uh," she spoke before she thought, "I'm kind of living dry these days but uh, come back to the condo, I'll make us some...tea or some…I dunno, whatever." The fuck had she just said? She just - she felt bad for the guy!

"Awesome! Yeah! I'll follow you then!"

Eyes wide at her own fucking words, Beca gave him a nod and turned.

"Did you really just ask for this evening to be even longer?" Chloe whispered.

" _I don't know, it totally just came out, what's wrong with me?_ " She whined.

It honestly was better once they all got comfortable at the condo. Jesse's teasing subsided a bit and everyone relaxed.

Still, Beca was exhausted. Talk about a long day and all she really wanted to do was curl up with Chloe and tell her about her meeting with Kendra. She hadn't really been given the chance to talk about it at all and it had gone so well. Kendra seemed like she was going to be totally cool and now Beca had some time to find a new track to offer her which - well, she wasn't thinking about that. She had teamed up with Emily last time but - yeah, not thinking about it right now.

The point was, she was exhausted and just about freaking ready for bed.

They reminisced, teasing and laughing until they noticed that Chloe had dozed off completely on the couch.

Beca could have kissed her she was so happy for the excuse to make it all end. Plus, yeah, Chloe had wrapped herself in a hoodie that she had found in the downstairs closet so she looked fucking adorable.

Benji and Emily took their leave first, Benji insisting that he had to be up early in the morning and then it was down to four.

"I know, you guys probably aren't going to agree with me but I thought this was fun, minus the awkward, unending tension." Jesse smiled at them all, reaching into his pocket to find his keys, "It really was nice seeing all of you."

Beca let out a laugh that she had to stifle, knowing she at least had enjoyed his company - and thank god for it otherwise she would have been alone in this.

"Really? You didn't enjoy yourself at all?" he frowned wounded.

"No, I did! I did, it's just past my bedtime, that's all."

"We did!" Chloe grinned, covering a yawn. "Honestly. It was really nice to see you, Jesse."

"Yeah, you too, Chloe." He gave her a tight one-armed hug, "You too, Aubrey."

Aubrey gave him a plastic smile, "You too, Jesse, I'm very pleased to know you're doing so well."

"Errr, right. Well Bec, you've got my number. Give it a ring sometime."

"Sure. Absolutely. Totally - gonna do that."

She closed the door behind him with a grimace and took a deep breath before she turned to the other two standing with her.

Fuck.

And now back to this.

_All day._

They had gotten through the entire day somehow managing to avoid any and all topics of relevance.

They got a gold star in avoiding today.

"So." She took a deep breath.

"Yeah." Chloe gave them both a huge albeit nervous smile, "Long day." The thickest awkward pause of the evening followed then, making Beca wish she could simply crawl out of her own skin for a little while.

"Okay well," she was trying to read Chloe's face to know what she should do. Should they all go back to the living room and talk? Should she give them space? She had no fucking idea, "I guess, I'll give you guys some room…?"

"No." Aubrey tensely began to massage her temples, staring at the floor, "I can't even  _begin_  to believe this day." Beca and Chloe winced, "It's late. I'm going to go to bed. I would  _like_  to go to bed."

"Brey." Chloe reached for her but Aubrey slapped her hand away, eyes flickering wildly.

"I just - I'll see you in the morning."

They watched Aubrey climb the stairs, tension thick in the back of Beca's throat. God, she was ready for bed.

" _Oh my god_." Chloe squeaked once Aubrey was gone. "I'm the worst person in the entire world."

"Hey." Beca sighed, pulling her in for a hug. Chloe had been so distant all day which - Beca totally understood and everything but still... "It's just been a weird day. Take her out to breakfast tomorrow, just the two of you, and talk, okay? It's not a big deal, her feelings are hurt but it will get better once you two get some time together."

Chloe nodded, sniffling. "I didn't get to talk to you either. How was the meeting? I want to know what happened. I missed you today."

Beca chuckled, a little bubble of warmth popping in her chest as she watched Chloe yawn again, her arms crossing over her chest. It should be illegal for pretty girls to put the hoods up on hoodies. "We've got time, right?" Beca gave her a shrug, "I think - that it's your bedtime."

Chloe let out a tiny laugh, "Okay. You're right. And I'll take her out tomorrow morning so that we don't have another day, ugh, like this one."

"Good."

"Okay." She gave her a half-lidded smile and turned to start up the stairs.

"Hey." Beca caught her, giving the stairs a glance to make sure Aubrey hadn't reappeared and then planted a long, thorough kiss on her lips.

Chloe let out a satisfied little sigh, "Mmm, thanks."

"Anytime," Beca grinned, loving the wink that Chloe gave her before disappearing.

 

****

 

My god, she had never been so tired. She hadn't done anything, she hadn't even been able to do her yoga or run that day; she had no excuse for the slow way her body dragged up the stairs.

Ugh, this was exactly why she had to stop doing things like this. She should have just talked to Aubrey that morning.  _Ooooh, Aubrey_. She felt terrible.

She stopped just outside her door, wanting to go in, wanting to apologize, wanting to explain that she hadn't been avoiding her all day because she didn't love her, she was her best friend; she just - she was a chicken.

She closed her hand around the door handle but stopped; no, she would talk to her in the morning after she had some rest and respect Aubrey's request to go to bed.

She got ready for bed on autopilot, brushing her hair and her teeth in a daze. It wasn't until she crawled between the sheets that she realized this was the first time in a few days that she had been in it.

She frowned, she didn't like the sheets as much...it was too big...which was amazing because Chloe had always felt that the bigger a bed the more comfortable it was. She loved being able to sprawl and stretch.

She did that now, just to convince herself, letting her muscles, sore from tension, stretch to the four corners of the bed and sighed.

Her door clicked silently open and she let out a little "oh!" a smile ready on her lips. She loved it, loved, loved, loved that Beca had come sneaking across the hall to her. "Oh!" She said a little louder when her eyes adjusted.

It wasn't Beca - but _Aubrey_ who was crawling across her bed, face serious, eyes zeroed in.

"Brey! What are you- _Brey?_ "

"I'm sorry, Chloe, I am but I can't! I can't just go to bed."

“Oh!” She sat up as Aubrey crossed her legs under her. For just a moment she had thought that Aubrey was about to – but no – that would have been weird. She shook the thought off. "No, Aubrey, it's okay! I'm glad that you're here."

"I just don't understand when it was exactly that I became someone you don't  _talk_ to, Chloe. You have always told me everything. What happened?"

"No, Brey, no, that's not it at all. Come here." She reached for her friend, hugging her tightly, "I'm so sorry. I've just been - no, it doesn't matter, I'm so sorry. I love you."

"Then what the holy hell is going on with you, Chloe? You're divorcing Nick? You're moving to L.A.? I feel like I don't even know you right now."

Somehow in the darkness of the room it felt easier to just let go, her chest releasing its rock hard grip, "Oh god, there's just been _so_ _much_ , I think I'm afraid that I'll scare you away."

Aubrey scoffed, scooting in closer so Chloe could rest her head on her shoulder, "Chloe! That is just  _not_ acceptable to me."

"I know. You're right." She reached over and took Aubrey's hand. She could have just told her that she wasn't ready to talk, she could have just done that and Aubrey would have listened to her, of course she would have.

"So you're pregnant, huh?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I have an appointment in a few days."

"Does Nick know?"

"Yeah, he does."

“Chloe, then this doesn't add up.”

Chloe took a deep breath.

Okay.

"Nick and I were never very happy, Aubrey. We've been miserable for years."

"What? I don't understand. I knew that things were - difficult - and that the miscarriages were hard but -"

"It's more than that. We just were making one another so unhappy, a divorce is necessary. I'm so much happier already. I haven't even found my new life out here yet but I love it. I'm free, Brey, for the first time in years I feel like I'm free. Well, I mean, not totally since there are still - a lot of things - but I'm happier."

"Who the hell is Jenny?"

"His office girl, well, really his secretary. She's very cute, early twenties. They're going to make a beautiful baby."

Aubrey sat up, leveling a gaze at her. "And you're fine with that?"

Chloe bit her lip, there  _was_  a missing piece to the puzzle, she knew, but she just - she wasn't ready yet. "Yeah, I think I am. They're in love, Brey."

"Uh-huh and what about you? Does that not matter? Is that why you're camped out in Beca's second bedroom? Because you can't go home? Why didn't you come to  _me_? At least things are steady and reliable in Georgia, no one is ODing or getting into accidents."

Chloe let her head fall back onto the pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling, "Yeah, I have to admit all of that has been hard. I knew that I was signing up for something I wasn't really used to, a whole different lifestyle and that  _has_ been hard. I'm so tired because it's been kind of nonstop but I have a feeling," she clicked her tongue, "I have a feeling things are about to even out."

"Why are you  _here_ of all places? Did Nick kick you out?"

Chloe frowned, "No, no! I guess Nick and Jenny are part of the reason. Beca needed me and -" she swallowed hard, "I just sort of stayed. It's only been a few weeks. I don't know what's going to happen with this baby but if I can, I think I'm going to stay here. I like L.A."

"And teach."

"Yeah," she gave her a smile through the darkness, "and teach."

"And have a baby."

"Maybe."

"By yourself."

"I guess so."

Aubrey was staring at her again, making Chloe search through her words for whatever the weird thing she had accidentally said was. "I don't freaking understand. What am I missing, Chloe? There's more, I can tell. What's going on? You don't seem to care about any of it, Nick, the baby, walking away from your entire life -"

She picked out the only thing she knew how to answer. "I - I haven't even been to the doctor yet - for this pregnancy."

"You were at the doctor twenty-four hours later last time."

She knew it was an accusation. She blew out a deep breath through her nose, her hands crawling through her hair, "I can't bond with it, Brey. I can't do that again." Aubrey was silent for a long time, so long that Chloe began to squirm, "Today was the first time that I showed a single symptom. You know how it's been every other time, I-"

"You think you're not actually pregnant." Chloe could hear the understanding soothing over Aubrey's voice, "I see. And you think if you  _are_  - then you won't keep it. So you're pretending it's not happening."

Aubrey was her best friend for a reason, wasn't she?

"Maybe a little bit."

"Chloe, what about Nick? What if you do have this baby?"

"I don't know."

"And Beca-" Aubrey stopped, lost for words.

"Beca -" Chloe smiled into Aubrey's shoulder, "is wonderful. I wish - for just a second - you could know her how I know her." Wait...maybe not...exactly that way.

"So you guys have made up then, I guess."

"Yes." She let out a small laugh and a yawn, "We made up."

"And she's okay?"

"I - I think so."

"Chloe, she seemed pretty fucked up last time we were here."

"Hey! Can you stop? Beca is great. She's kind and supportive and there for me. You never give her enough credit. She's amazing, how do you  _still_ not see that?"

Aubrey shook her head, "Oh, I see that. I do. I just also see that she's run from you so many times, how do you know she's not just going to do it again?"

"Because I do." Because there was no way Beca could walk away from her, not now; she had absolutely no reason to...oh god, except that Chloe was pregnant, homeless, married, unemployed and - oh shit. She covered her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

"Chloe...why did you think I couldn't handle hearing all of that. Why did you just disappear?"

"Okay, to be fair I didn't just disappear. I meant to call you, I did. The last month has just been really crazy for me, okay? I promise. Plus, we did talk, I called you right before I came back to L.A."

Even in the dark Chloe could feel Aubrey's jaw set. "Still my best friend?"

"What? Of course. Always." She cuddled in a little closer.

“Chloe.” Aubrey was silent for a minute, “How long have you been here?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“Uh huh,” Aubrey’s jaw flexed, “The hickeys not from Nick then?”

“No.”

“Right. Do I-” she huffed, “There is more that you're not telling me."

"There is. But do you think, can we talk about it in the morning?"

Aubrey just let out a thick sigh.

 

****

 

She wasn't sure what time it was when she woke.

Honestly, she had been so damn distracted before bed that she had forgotten to think about it, which was probably a good thing and everything but now - the sound of Hunny's nonsensical grumbling, the sound of her own palm slapping her cheeks trying to wake her rang through her silent room like thunder.

She groaned, covering her face with her pillow but the sounds continued, sharp in her groggy, half-awake ears. She rolled over in the silent din, frowning.

Everything was fine. Hunny is fine. Jeremy - just don't think about that. Come on, you're the champ of ignoring things that you want to ignore. Everything is good, Bec. Go back to sleep.

But instead she pulled herself up and to her window. She rarely let herself smoke in her bedroom but right now seemed like a good time. She wasn't going to drag her ass all the way downstairs and she needed something centering. She pushed open her window and hissed at the cold air. When had it started to get chilly at night? She hadn't even noticed. She grabbed a sweater and threw it on.

She pulled out a cigarette and took a deep breath of night air, staring out at the L.A. skyline as she lit it.

_Hunny was going to be okay._

Seriously.

She was.

And she was okay too.

So why did she feel right now like she was being haunted?

She pitched the cigarette after a few drags and closed the window, shivering as she went to her en suite to brush her teeth again.

Her bed felt so empty.

And she was so cold.

She just – she couldn’t get the thoughts to stop.

She ran her palms over her eyes, deliberating. It had been nice over the last bit to have some bed company. Hunny had stayed over often enough, but they were never really - cuddlers. She pretty much would never admit it but she kind of loved to cuddle...with the right people, anyway. Actually, she had only become a cuddler because Chloe had kind of forced it out of her years ago, grabbing her during TV and movies and refusing to let go until Beca could relax. Then eventually she found that on occasion it was she who reached for Chloe, instead of the other way around.

She had introduced her to many sides of herself.

And yeah, they usually woke up across the bed form one another, but still – she liked falling asleep with her – it was kind of like – well – there was no safer place, right?

Would Chloe mind if she went to her?  _Should_ she go to her?

She wanted to.

She didn't even need to wake her; she just wanted...she didn't want to get back into her bed alone.

How was it she felt like she hadn't seen her in a year suddenly?

2:49 in the morning - the odds were Aubrey was asleep, had been for a long time now. She wouldn't wake up, she wouldn't hear Beca sneaking into Chloe's room...she could be quiet, that was totally possible. And it wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a bed before, in college and after. It happened all of the time. Okay so…

Yeah.

She brushed her teeth quickly, trying hard not to roll her eyes at herself when she realized she was excited.

God, she was so lame.

Still, she all but skipped to the door, cracking it quietly and listening to the hallway.

Silence.

Great.

Totally, totally awesome!

She stealthily took the two steps and clicked open Chloe's door, listening again. If she was awake for some reason she didn't want to scare her by sneaking up to her in the middle of the night.

A smile popped to her lips when she heard the - um -  _not snoring_  that Chloe definitely did in her sleep.

Mmmm, the thought of Chloe's warm body against hers pushed her inside, clicking the door closed again.

Jesus, she hadn't spent a night in this room before. The skyline was so much darker than in hers.

She tripped a little clumsily over something on the floor, doing a small silent dance to stay upright and pulled back the blanket, sliding in.

She let out a long, satisfied sigh as she cuddled up to her sleeping friend, pressing herself tight to steal her warmth.

Oh my god, she was so warm!

She slipped a hand under the waistband of Chloe's shorts, letting her hand run down her thigh, just so she could have some type of contact with her skin as she fell asleep.

Only…

Her fingers gave a slight squeeze.

One of Beca's favorite things about Chloe was her thighs, strong and perfectly shaped; having them wrapped around her made her feel like she was actively living out every teenage boy's dream. This thigh - she let her hand caress up to the hip – long and slim – soft - but soft in a different way - wait –

"Wha - what the hell?" The sleepy voice came from in front of her.

"Holy FUCK!" Beca shot backward, falling to the floor in a heap; her breath knocking from her and making her gasp. "What the fuck? _Aubrey_?" She croaked, trying to jump to her feet but the sheets were wrapped around her ankles so she tumbled back to the floor again, spinning and kicking. Goddamn it. She tried again, flailing like a mad woman but the fucking sheets were attacking her and she went down hard yet again. GOD DAMN IT!

"What the fuck are you  _doing_ , Beca!" She heard a soft grunt as Aubrey, who had also recoiled the opposite direction over a still snoring Chloe, landed on the floor on the other side of the bed in a fury of flailing arms and legs.

Beca finally shot up, tripping over her own feet this time as she backed away again and crashed painfully into the wall. SHE KNEW HOW TO STAND DAMN IT, SHE WAS CAPABLE OF STANDING THE FUCK UP! "The  _fuck_ , what the fucking fuck? Why are you in Chloe's bed?"

….Ooooh, no! No way! Oh noooo, fuck, no way, fuck, nooooo!

She could see Aubrey sitting up, smoky eyes wide and staring at her in shock, "Why are  _you_  in Chloe's bed?"

Beca froze, half on the floor, half pulling herself to her feet, her mouth hanging open. Caught….caught, caught, SHE WAS CAUGHT! Aubrey in Chloe's bed, Aubrey was IN Chloe's bed. Hand on her thigh, under her underwear, on her hip, oh god, oh gross…. "Errrmhhff." Was all that Beca got out and then she  _ran_ , speeding from the room, her shoulder bashing into the door frame of Chloe's door before she ran full tilt into her own, slamming into it hard and scrambling like a maniac to get it open. It was like a fucking horror movie. Where was the handle? Fuck! She could feel Aubrey fucking coming!

Then she was through, slamming it behind her and jumping hard when a second later the door to the last guest room slammed as well.

Her breath was whistling from her throat as she blinked in the darkness, sprawled across the back of her door.

….. THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED?

 

* * *

 

In her bed.

Aubrey had been  _in_ her bed.

Had they fucked?

Had they kissed?

Were they just having a little best friend cuddle time? Because believe you me Beca remembered those fucking cuddle sessions - they were part of the reason why Beca had recently had her tongue in Chloe's -

WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WAS AUBREY IN CHLOE'S BED?

She hadn't gone back to sleep.

There was no such fucking thing as sleep, not after that.

She knew she didn't want to know, she  _knew_ it! She did not fucking want to know but it was like being on YouTube when the video automatically clicked to something new. You saw that it was a pimple popping video - or something like that - you saw it and you _knew_  that if you watched it then you would remember - and hate yourself for watching - forever - and yet - you still stared at the screen until you were gagging and swearing off YouTube for life.

She didn't - want - to fucking - know - why Aubrey had been in Chloe's bed.

The condo had been dead fucking silent all night, not a peep from Chloe or Aubrey….and she had been fucking listening - she had been fucking listening, waiting to hear if Aubrey was going to crawl back to Chloe's room...because that would be telling. That would be like the moment the on-screen pimple popped and your stomach rolled, your very own can-I-keep-my-last-meal-down roulette.

She didn't know what she would have done if she had heard it.

She kept playing Aubrey's face over and over again, that look of guilty shock.

WHAT HAD SHE CAUGHT THEM DOING?

She groaned but did not change the position she had been lying in all night, on her back, staring unblinking up at the ceiling, arms at her side.

Dude.

…..duuuuude….

Oh my  _fucking_ god, and she had her hand under Aubrey's panties...it had been totally innocent, absolutely, she had no idea...even if it had been Chloe she wasn't going to do anything, she had just wanted to feel some skin on skin contact and the panties would have gotten in the way - oh my fucking goddamn it.

She groaned into the room again.

That was it.

She didn't want to know.

She had always wondered if something more had happened between Aubrey and Chloe, she had  _always_  fucking wondered and now she didn't want to know.

Ew, ew, ew, her whole body jerked as she thought of what could have happened, of Aubrey's tongue slipping into Chloe's' mouth,  _Aubrey_  being the one to pull those little sighs and coos from Chloe.

Gah! Nooooooo! She grimaced.

Nope.

She didn't want to know.

Nope.

Oh god, she was going to have to face them.

She was going to have to look both of them in the eye.

….

….

…..

 _Oh god_.

 

****

 

Chloe felt better now that she and Aubrey had talked a little bit. She had decided before she even got up that she would tell Aubrey the rest of it today. The truth. About herself. About Beca. All of it. She deserved to know and what Chloe seemed to have forgotten until the night before was that she was safe to tell her.

And that, well, that had just been silly of her.

She had worried a bit when she first woke that she would start the morning off feeling sick - well - worried/hoped but she had left a glass of juice beside her bed the night before and had swallowed it down before she got up.

She felt fine.

The sun was shining and though no one was awake yet, she knew it was going to be a good day.

She pulled on her yoga clothes and headed downstairs, mat under her arm.

On occasion Beca liked to leave the back patio doors open all night; what was the harm, they were twenty stories high.

Beca, it seemed, had done that the night before so as she descended the stairs Chloe was met with a burst of fresh, crisp morning air. She sighed, enjoying the pleasant shiver down her spine. The breeze spoke of autumn.

Where was the year going? It was moving so quickly.

She let out a small gasp as she realized - Christmas...New Year...could she have them in L.A.?

She and Nick usually spent one with his family and the other with hers...but Beca...well, she avoided her family for the most part and even if she didn't...she used to love her holidays with Beca! Getting drunk together off of spiked hot chocolate and watching Christmas specials, caroling, shopping for their friends, plotting revenge on long lost relatives...she supposed she couldn't do all of those things this year but...maybe some?

She grinned, her smile stretching to the point of pain and went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for Beca.

Yeah, today was going to be an awesome day.

 

 

Somehow her run and then her yoga felt even better than normal that morning, each stretch popping her back and warming her muscles making her groan and moan. Tomorrow morning she would have to get Aubrey out here with her. No, she would get _both_ of them out because that would be so much fun!

Beca was already sitting at the kitchen island, sipping from a cup of coffee and staring when she came in.

"Hey you," Chloe grinned, wiping her sweaty brow.

Beca's steel blue eyes just peeked out over the rim of her cup, following her as she poured herself a glass of water and drank it down.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Oh, you know." Beca's words were muffled as they spilled into her coffee, "Uh, you? How'd you sleep?"

"Like the dead. I was so tired!"

Beca let out a strange snort and coffee splashed everywhere.

"Are you okay?"

"Who me? Uh yeah, totally, I'm good, I just uh, so you slept well then? You were tired? What made you so tired?"

Chloe frowned, "You okay, Bec?"

"Sure, totally, I'm good, I'm fine." She disappeared behind her overly large cup again, making Chloe's head tilt a bit, examining her.

Why was she staring at her like that?

What was she angry about?

Or...maybe that wasn't anger...what?

Beca's eyes shot wide as footsteps on the stairs announced Aubrey's arrival.

"Bec-"

But her words were cut off as Beca tried to jump to her feet and slipped, coffee flying everywhere, covering her from head to toe as she desperately squeaked and yelped, trying to steady herself.

"Whoa!" Chloe cried, reaching out to steady her.

"Good mor-" Aubrey froze just inside the door.

Chloe's frown deepened as she watched her best friends stare, wide eyed like rabbits at one another for one beat, two, three; the only sound was coffee dripping from Beca's arms to the floor.

"Oh, I forgot-" Aubrey turned and started up the stairs again as Beca gasped, "Smoking," turned and sprinted out to the patio.

Chloe blinked, "Okay, what just happened?" she cried to the empty kitchen.

 

She just sat on the kitchen counter waiting, arms crossed and foot bouncing for one of them to slink back in.  _Something_  had happened. Clearly, something big.

It took a while but eventually Beca finished her cigarette and quietly, as though she was trying to avoid a landmine came to the back door, trying to hide that she was searching the room through the glass.

She walked in slowly at first, obviously unaware of Chloe sitting off to the side. Chloe just watched, ready to grab her the moment she got close enough.

Beca glanced toward the stairs and then, clearing her throat, she took a long stride as though everything was fine and she hadn't been sneaking like 007.

"Beca!"

The brunette jumped about a mile into the air.

"What's going on?"

"Jesus! I uh- I gotta-"

"Nope!" Chloe hopped down, grabbing her arm so she couldn't bolt. "What happened?"

"Nothing! What are you talking about! Nothing - happening!"

"Did you call me?" Aubrey asked, coming around the corner.

They looked like two terrified street cats about to either attack one another or go hissing and spitting in the opposite direction.

Chloe grabbed her other best friend's arm as well, "What the hell is happening here, ladies? What's going on?"

She watched Aubrey's mouth press into a tight line, staring fire down at Beca who pointedly was looking elsewhere again.

"She crawled her little pervy ass into bed with me last night!" Aubrey finally exploded.

" _What_ _?_ " Chloe cried, turning on Beca in disbelief.

"Okay, whoa, ow! Arm! Squeezing my arm off! And to be freaking fair, dude,  _you_  were in  _Chloe's_  bed! WhythehellwereyouinChloe'sbed?Whatthefuckhappenedlastnight?"

"Why were  _you_  getting into Chloe's bed last night, Beca!?"

"I wasn't! I was - sleepwalking…" Beca frowned as though she wished she had come up with something better than that.

"We're you sleep  _fondling_  as well?" Aubrey cried, face pink.

"Wait, what?" Chloe cried, a snarly tiger waking in her chest.

"Okaaaay, there was  _no_  fondling!"

"Your hand was down my pants. Your hand was in my, my, underwear."

" _Beca_ _!_ "

"I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!" Beca cried, her hands covering her face as Chloe turned, her hand convulsing on Beca's arm.

"WHY IS THAT BETTER?" Aubrey shouted, a teakettle about to boil over.

"Wait!" Chloe let both of them go, putting her hands out like a referee, "Last night Beca, you got into my bed? And you met -  _Aubrey_? You  _touched_ Aubrey?" That tiger roared a little louder.

Beca let out a long groan, bouncing in place and twitching back and forth, "Maybe," she whined.

Oh god, she tried, she tried to hold it in. She bit her lip, she held her breath - but it was impossible. It was the look on their faces, they both looked equal parts confused, terrified and disgusted. She tried but the laughter exploded from her like a geyser. She covered her mouth with both hands, hoping that it would force it back in but with no luck. Each time she looked at one of their affronted faces the laughter just got worse until big fat tears were running down her face. The way that Aubrey was frozen, a human statue, the way that Beca couldn't stop bouncing, it was all hilarious. She could only imagine their faces when it had happened, "Oh my god, how, how did I not wake up for this? I was there, right?"

Beca glared, "This isn't funny, dude!"

"You're not concerned as to why any of this happened?"

"Um, well…"

"Beca,  _why_  were you in Chloe's bed? Seriously!"

" _Why the fuck were you, Aubrey_?" Beca shot back.

"Wait," Chloe caught Beca's twitching shoulder, "you don't honestly think something happened, do you?"

Beca just scuffed her feet and Chloe had to bite laughter back again.

" _Really_?"

Still Beca didn't respond, she just screwed up her face and studied her nails.

"Oh my god, like what? Bec!  _Nothing_ happened!"

"Chloe, why-I don't-"

Chloe chewed the inside of her lip, watching Beca try to pretend she wasn't...jealous...Beca was totally jealous! She let out a small laugh again, hooking Beca by the neck, "Really?" She let out another titter.

"Oh my god, stop laughing! Last night was awful!"

"I'm sorry." She schooled her expression and turned back to Aubrey.

"I'm sorry, maybe I'm being rude, but something  _did_ happen last night!" Both Chloe and Beca's head shot up, "Hello! Hand! Down - my - pants!" Aubrey's hand gesticulated like meat cleaver, "Are we just okay with this?"

" _No_!" Beca shouted.

"Um, Brey," Chloe let out a stiff relieved laugh, squeezing the back of Beca's neck ever so slightly and trying hard not to think, yet again, about what their faces must have looked like, "why don't we go get some breakfast and um, talk?"

"Really, Chloe? Really? You're just not concerned - at all? Are you two so twisted that -" Then Aubrey's face dropped open, " _Noooooo_!"

Chloe jumped, "Oookay, breakfast, yeah."

"Chloe, you're  _kidding_ me!"

"Um-" She squirmed, feeling Beca's eyes drilling holes into the side of her head.

"YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH BECA!"

Chloe bit her lip, "So um, about breakfast…"

 

* * *

 

"How did she do it? How? I would love to know!"

Chloe had gotten dressed as quickly as possible, sensing Aubrey's impending explosion. Beca hadn't moved, still scowling and as much as Chloe had wanted to kiss that little frown away; she decided instead to get to that talk sooner rather than later because no one wanted to see Aubrey's head explode. She had pushed her out of the door, none too gently receiving another 'why was Aubrey in your bed' look from Beca which she returned with a sassy wink.

Honestly, she wasn't even sure of that answer herself. Why  _was_  Aubrey in her bed? They had cuddled before, a lot even, but they had never shared the same type of cuddle sessions that she had with Beca; the kind where one would wrap around the other one like a cocoon and they would fall into a happy death-like sleep. She had come to realize some of her behaviors with Aubrey had been a little - abnormal for two supposedly straight women- it was the reason why she was sure Aubrey wouldn't be surprised by her news - but they had never been like that; not like she and Beca had been. She supposed that she had shared a bed with Aubrey before, of course she had, yet something was rubbing her the wrong way.

She had to guess that they had both just fallen asleep.

Poor Beca.

She had just been looking for intimacy...of whatever kind...and had found -  _Aubrey_. It still was funny, but Aubrey really didn't seem to think so.

They would laugh in a few days once everyone got used to everything.

"Wait, I don't understand, how did who do what?"

They had just been pushed into a booth by a helpful, if not a bit eager hostess when Aubrey spoke, clearly unable to hold it in any longer. She had been entirely silent the ride over, her lips pressed so tight they disappeared completely, and Chloe hadn't been surprised. Clearly, she thought Chloe had been violated in some way.

"Beca! Please tell me how that witchy woman talked you  _into her bed_ _!_ She's amazing! I would almost be impressed if she weren't such a little pervert."

"It's not like that, Brey, really."

"Oh please. She's had a toner for you since you serenaded her in the nude. You know, Chloe, you really need to start thinking about your actions. This probably wouldn't be happening if you have just waited for her to put on a robe."

"Then thank god I didn't." She gave Aubrey a wink that was apparently a little too suggestive for Aubrey at that particular moment. "Oh. Sorry."

"How did it happen? What did she say?"

She guiltily thought back to that first evening, to the moment she hooked Beca by the neck, the way her own hand had climbed into Beca's hair - the way  _she_  had pulled Beca in for their first kiss. "Actually Brey, it's  _really_  not like that. Beca didn't make the first move. I - I kind of made it happen. She really is so much sweeter than you give her credit for."

Aubrey looked at her like unicorns had just flown out of Chloe's nose.

"Um, why don't I start at the beginning?"

"Yes, I think that would be great. Thank you."

So Chloe took a deep breath - and she explained. She told her about marrying Nick and feeling as though something in her life was just wrong. She told her about the reunion and her evening of kissing Missy; she told her of the way her life split into three and how after that both she and Nick seemed to find a weird symbiosis. "That's why I don't mind that Nick is with Jenny now."

"Because you're with Beca?"

"What? No. We're not - no, not officially. Honestly, it probably has to stop soon. But I meant, Nick married a  _lesbian_ , Brey. I don't think I'm bi, I think I'm  _gay._ He deserves some type of happiness now. I can't blame him. I don't even know which one was the first of us to find another woman." She couldn't stop her amused little laugh.

"You really think you're a lesbian, huh?" Aubrey stared, open mouthed.

Chloe laughed again, giving her nose a scrunch at the obvious fascination on Aubrey's face, " _Trust me_ , I know it. I didn’t for a while, but I do _now_."

"Wow." Aubrey had to shake herself a little to stop staring. "I guess I'm not that surprised. But Beca...really...Beca?"

Chloe flushed, grinning, "You can't really be all that surprised, Brey. Think back. I think we've had a thing for one another since day one.  _Both_ of us."

"No, I suppose you're right about that too. As much as I hate to say it, I think it makes a few things make more sense. But really? Beca?"

Chloe made a soft contented sound in the back of her throat, "Really. Beca." She hadn't realized that her mind had slipped off to somewhere far from their table, her hand pressing ever so lightly to that spot over her heart, not until Aubrey scoffed.

"That little dick!"

" _What_?"

Aubrey looked … offended...highly offended...and…hurt?

"Brey, what's wrong?"

"I just can't  _believe_ her." Chloe felt her airy good mood plummet at the sight of Aubrey's watery eyes, "Of course she would start sleeping with you. She just absolutely loves to take things from me, doesn't she?"

"What? Brey!"

"Competitions, titles, the Bellas,  _all_ Bella recognition. I started that team up from the ground when Alice left, they were _all_ new girls and no one has ever said a word about it thanks to Beca." Aubrey's cheeks were turning tomato red as she briskly wiped a coming tear away, "And you! I've been competing with her for you since you met, haven't I? We will never be as close as we were  _before_  Beca showed up, will we? Even after she left it was never the same."

"Brey…" Chloe's heart ached at the agitation in Aubrey's I-swear-I'm-fine voice. She took her hand and held it tight, "It's not like that. I love you. I told you last night. I can't even compare my relationship with you to my relationship with Beca or vice versa. They're so different."

"Right." Aubrey softly pulled her hand away, straightening the napkin in her lap. "I guess they are  _now_."

"Aubrey."

"She just - she's always going to know you in ways I never can, won't she? I will always be the  _second_ best friend."

She watched Aubrey avoid her eyes, fixing her hair, checking her makeup in a compact and watching the other patrons in a stiff sort of way; finding her Aubrey mask and putting it back on.

"It's not a competition, Brey. I promise."

Aubrey clicked her tongue and gave a small laugh, "Isn't it, though, Chloe?"

"No!"

"And yet, somehow she still won."

Chloe scowled, utterly and completely lost for words.

How could Aubrey ever think this? There was no way to compare!

"Aubrey."

"You literally told me none of this was happening, Chloe."

"But that's about me! That's about me and the fact that I messed up. Not about Beca."

"Chloe - is this smart? Beca?"

" _Stop that_ _!_ " Chloe cried, lightly smacking the top of their table.

Aubrey scoffed.

"She ran from me for two years because she had feelings for me, Brey. She's not going to do that again and even if she does, you're my best friend - be there for me!"

Aubrey's face fell, "I guess," she sighed, "I'm not really surprised by any of it. I’m just - I don't know, Chloe, I don't know. It just feels like she found out that you were venerable and she jumped on her chance. She jumped on you as soon as she had a chance that little midget."

"You don't get it, Brey! I all but  _asked_ her to sleep with me! I asked her not to stop.  _I_ asked her not to stop. She was so kind, Aubrey, and sweet and gentle. I couldn't have asked for a better first time with a woman. She even asked me before things progressed too far. Don't be mad at her - Be -  _happy_ for me. Please."

Aubrey stared her down for a long while, thinking as she searched her face.

"Oh come on, Brey, if Nick can be okay with this then you kind of have to be too."

"Nick knows?"

"Oh yeah."

Aubrey was staring again and then, because she didn't really have another choice, "Okay."

Chloe grinned, squeezing her hand, "Okay. Good. Now. What are you going to order?"

 


	19. Chapter 19

Oh and! I just joined twitter (finally)! Come and hang out! [ioliviajanae!](https://twitter.com/ioliviajanae?lang=en)

* * *

 

Yes, Beca was entirely aware that she was under severe scrutiny.

Like…all of the time.

It had been  _three days_ , three very fucking long days since the morning Chloe had told Aubrey and she was starting to feel the strain. Okay no, fuck that, she was already strained.

Really fucking strained.

Things were….not fucking going well for her right about now. At all.

She had put off eating, unable to get anything down into her rock hard stomach; she was smoking like a chimney and she was, well, she was just lost in her own head, that was all.

Chloe had noticed, she could tell, but that hadn't really helped anything...actually it had done the opposite, because what that now meant was that she had  _two_  people watching her from across the room instead of one.

She could tell Chloe was a bit confused, unsure if she should broach the subject or not, but whether she had decided to leave it or whether she just couldn't get a moment alone to do it; Beca wasn't sure.

They had wordlessly decided to keep a five-foot distance between them at all times, though whether because they were uncomfortable under Aubrey's laser stare or if Aubrey was the uncomfortable one, Beca also didn't know. They had not played musical beds either, which was probably smart, especially because Beca wasn't sleeping so well over the last few nights. Basically, except for across the breakfast table or across the patio, Beca wasn't really seeing much of Chloe. Aubrey had her completely occupied.

Beca  _thought_  that Aubrey had taken a positive stance on their new - relationship - somehow that didn't seem like the right word – situation - thing. Either way, Chloe had come back from that breakfast all smiles. As a matter of fact she had been smiling non-stop since and that was only adding to Beca's strain. She  _adored_  Chloe, more than she could say but perhaps it took a supercharged optimist to get through this. Or perhaps it was just a Chloe specialty because Beca didn't think it was going as well as Chloe seemed to. Aubrey had been somewhat nicer to Beca - mostly, well, mostly she ignored her, which she highly preferred over the small comments that Chloe didn't seem to be noticing; comments that hinted that Beca was taking advantage of Chloe, that Beca had been on her the moment that Chloe had come out, that Beca was simply inferior. Which...well...maybe those weren't entirely wrong but Aubrey would say them just as Chloe was leaving the room or perhaps when she was singing and not paying attention to them. Beca would look up at the blonde from her half secluded bubble she was living in right now, she would see the overly polite smile on Aubrey's face and she would scoff, feeling that old rivalry that she had thought was long dead.

It also worried her how pleased Aubrey seemed to be that she and Chloe were staying away from one another for her benefit.

Not only had Beca clearly lost her friendship with Aubrey but also she had made something of an enemy...by literally doing nothing at all to Aubs.

That was upsetting, maybe even really upsetting, but right now it was hard to tell since she was having a very difficult time seeing past the thing that was occupying 90% of her brainpower.

When Chloe and Aubrey had returned from their breakfast the morning of the big reveal, Beca had been sitting on the couch trying not to stress. At that point it had been twenty-four hours since her meeting with Kendra and her thoughts were starting to spin ever so slightly. She was okay, nothing like she was now, still; Chloe had given her that special I-see-you-Beca smile and sat across from her on the coffee table, insisting that she wanted to finally hear about Kendra. Beca had started to talk, embarrassingly stoked, but then Aubrey had sat beside them and had stared at her with such fire that Beca had just trailed off, giving Chloe the bare minimum version and retreating into herself. She hadn't meant to, but she was feeling a little - sensitive - about the stuff with Kendra and she hadn't been able to force it out as she would have liked to. Chloe hadn't been satisfied with her answer but Aubrey had begun then to demand more information about Jenny's pregnancy and Chloe had been completely distracted.

That had been fine too. Did she want to tell Chloe about the meeting and about what was coming next? Yes. But she would survive.

A few days had passed now though and she was starting to stress.

Really stress.

Freak out.

A little bit.

Maybe.

Kinda.

It had gone  _well_ with Kendra; that was the thing! Beca had given her the few ideas she had and Kendra had loved them. Kendra had seemed super fucking stoked when she left Beca's dingy little studio. She had seemed so stoked that it had given Beca the ego boost she needed in order to completely ignore the information that her biggest fucking client had walked away from her five minutes later.

Then something had happened.

Something so stupid that she hadn't even thought of its inevitability beforehand.

Because she was a stupid fuck up who should have become a nurse - or perhaps a fucking baker or something; anything but this job that she was sooooo not cut out for.

P.J. had approached and told her about EZ with, what seemed to be, sincere apology, clapping her on the back. Beca didn't even know what she had said in response. But then P.J. had scuffed her chin and told her that he 'couldn't wait to hear what she came up with for Kendra' and she had frowned. It had been a strange thing for him to say.

"I'll get talking to Miles and Jackie and I'll come in next-"

P.J. clicked his tongue and shook his head, "Solo means, solo, Bexy. Miles and Jackie work for me. Not for you," and then he had chuckled as he left, as though Beca had made a good joke…

And though she had been left staring after him, mouth agape… it had been fine.

She was nervous but Beca had walked away knowing her song writing skills had really improved over the last few years. She had been working hard at it, she had written a few songs now and they had been great.

 

And now, days later, it was not so great.

 _Nothing was great_.

The Aubrey barrier between herself and Chloe had extended to ten feet it seemed and...somehow she had… _no_  reason to go into work. EZ was no longer her client. Synergy was off on tour. Amanda hadn't hired her. Death Throw was in the middle of a fight so bad that it looked like they might split up. Emily was only vaguely thinking about a second album.

She had even checked in with P.J.'s clients but they all seemed to be okay right now too.

…She had no reason to go in.

She had never had - no reason to go into work before.

And she had no idea what to do with herself!

Well, maybe she had one reason.

Searching for this song.

And maybe avoiding Aubrey's leveling gaze.

Maybe she just should.

Change her environment.

Just go.

She could do this.

Oh my god, she thought she might be sick.

The thing was … how the fuck did you come up with a song? She had done it before but in situations that hadn't mattered quite as much as this one. This song would be the first to be reviewed by P.J. and Kendra, it would be the first on the album to be released. It was a big fucking deal. Now that it counted, her brain was mush.

She had been doing a lot of sitting in one place, staring off into the distance, a lot of watching Chloe and Aubrey interact, a lot of watching the sky, a lot of staring blankly at nothing... as if sitting and staring would make the idea she needed find her.

She knew she was retreating a little bit, closing herself off behind her walls but what else was she supposed to do?

 

It was September now and the weather was finally changing from summer to winter as it did in So-Cal, skipping autumn entirely. This meant that when she went out with a cup of coffee for a cigarette that morning, she had to throw on a sweater. Normally she would like that, she loved the winter, but right now it just reminded her that time was passing. Fast.

She crossed to the opposite side of the pool from where Chloe and Aubrey were sitting together, stretching and getting ready for their usual morning yoga.

They both seemed happy to have this time together, which was great. As far as Beca knew they hadn't had this much concentrated best friend time for a while.

Was she a little jealous?

She was going to say no; even though she knew it was a lie.

She pulled the lounge chair back as far as she could so it was in the very corner of the patio and slumped into it, knowing the breeze here would take her smoke elsewhere.

She lit the cigarette and let the smoke out in a stream, her head falling back to stare at the blue sky. Her mind felt like a deck of cards always shuffling, putting notes together, listening to the progression and then discarding, over and over; trying to piece things together like a puzzle.

It was like math.

She had always been pretty good at math.

But this math seemed to hate her.

The freaking frustrating thing was that she  _had_  an idea; this beautiful and tinkling chord progression had come to her the night before and try as she might, it wouldn't leave. She loved it. It was soft and light, sweet and gentle; it was flipping gorgeous but she couldn't freaking use it. This first track couldn't be a ballad; it would never sell. She needed something kitschy and fun.

Still, even as she stared up at the sky, mind blank, waiting for inspiration to smack her in the face, she found herself running the light, repetitive chorus over and over. ‘bum bum – bum bum bUm bumbumbum’

"Damn it!" She drew on her cigarette and glared at nothing.

"What's that face about?"

Beca blinked, refocusing her head out of the clouds and down at the redhead who was grinning up at her as she stretched, "What?" she called back across the distance.

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

Beca just shook her head.

It was fucking clear where that little adorable tinkling song came from. Beca pulled her knees up to her chest watching Chloe smile up at her, the sun making her wink, making her glow - it was the god damn musical version of that right there.

Fucking - distracting, god damn it.

"Come join us."

Beca gave her a distracted smile but shook her head again.

Chloe rolled her eyes at Beca's refusal like she had known it was coming before she had even asked. She stood and for a second Beca though she was going to come over and force her but she just changed direction so instead of facing her, she was facing away so it was Chloe's ass sticking into the air - at Beca. She glanced, teasingly, between her own legs as she bent, giving Beca a wink and Beca let out a long, totally guilty laugh.

God, that chic was awesome.

She watched the show for a while, enjoying the way that Chloe bent and every now and then sent her a sly glance – to be sure she was enjoying the view…which she was…she was only freaking human. Her mind worked as she watched, placing puzzle pieces and discarding, placing and discarding.

She hadn't thought about this, about the fact that this was going to be a problem.

She didn't have all that long before she would need to present at least a raw version of the song to P.J. and she would need every single moment of that time to come up with each layer of the song; the chord progression, the melody, bassline, lyrics, the works. Plus then she had to put it all together and get one of the studio voices to record it - though - maybe she should let Chloe record it. It didn't matter who did it since it was just for P.J. and she bet that Chloe would get a real kick out of that.

But then again, Chloe wouldn't get a kick out of shit unless she come up with something! God damn it! You're tripping yourself out. Just fucking relax, you're tripping yourself out and it's stupid. It took you like a week to do 'Flashlight' -

...because Emily already had half the fucking song done!

God damn it.

She groaned, sitting here wasn't helping her at all.

This is awesome, so great, you have your shot and you're going to fucking blow it. All over a stupid song. COME ON, BECA, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO!

She knew what was happening. P.J. was putting her through her paces. It wasn't as though 'solo' meant that she wouldn't be putting the album out under the name of his label; she  _could_  use his songwriter and all of that shit but it was a test, see if she would sink or if she could swim.

And she couldn't tell if it was because he wanted to give her a real shot or if this was the precursor to being ousted.

"Oh god." she groaned, letting her head fall into her hands. "Shit." He was going to oust her. She was going to lose her job. This was punishment. She had fucked up too much recently. The car accident. Amanda. Being involved in Jeremy's death. EZ. She was going to lose her fucking god damn job and she couldn't even blame him.

"Hey."

She jumped when she felt fingers brush against her arm, "What's wrong? You've been so weird for a few days now. I can't tell if I should leave you alone or, I don't know, attack."

"I'm not being weird," she grumbled into her hands, trying to keep her panic at bay. What would she do if she lost her job? She could find another one but she would have to start at the bottom again – after this many years at 'Moment One' – she would have to start at the very bottom.

"Beca."

"I'm not being weird, Chloe!" She snapped and then groaned, "Shit. That didn't come out right," but she had felt Chloe's touch leave her arm in unhappy surprise. Beca wanted to snatch it back. "Sorry, I'm just stressed."

"I can see that. What's going on?"

Beca scowled, for a moment wanting nothing more than to scoot into her and feel her arms around her. It was strange, even as 'just friends' they had always managed to be more affectionate than they had been for the last few days; at least then there had been goodbye kisses and hugs and hand holding, let alone the millions of piggyback rides that Chloe seemed to have grown out of.

She was about to say fuck it and scoot in when she heard footsteps approach.

"Something bothering you, Beca?" Aubrey stretched high, wiping her forehead and blocking out the sun.

Beca's mouth slammed closed. It was an innocent enough question but she could see anything but innocence in Aubrey's face. Why did  _everything_  feel like a challenge?

"No," she finally gave in, "I'm good, guys, I'm good."

She saw Chloe's head tilt ever so slightly to the side, calling her bluff, "What's going on with work? Is it Kendra or is it EZ?"

"What? How do you know it's work?"

"This looks like 'I'm stressed about work'. You have that." Chloe teasingly poked between her eyebrows, pointing out her scowl.

"I just, erm, I have to come up with a track for Kendra." She mumbled, lamely, really wishing that Aubrey would stop watching her like this; like she was waiting for Beca to do something bad so she could whisk Chloe away from her. She had gained so much confidence over her time with the Bellas...maybe even an ego – okay a bit of an ego - so she wasn't afraid of Aubrey, but right now...she felt like the nervous eighteen-year-old again. She would throw down if she needed to, she was getting close to telling Aubrey to back the hell off, but ugh, Chloe would be hurt if she broke this 'everything is fine between Aubrey and me' facade.

"Are we distracting you?"

"Nooo, I just, I suck."

"Sometimes it's important to recognize our weaknesses, Beca." Beca's eyes opened, glaring at the purposeful pause in Aubrey's words, "That way we can spend some extra time on them and turn our weaknesses into strengths."

Beca groaned, rubbing her face, "Do you mind not preaching that self-motivational crap at me right now, Aubs?"

Aubrey's smile just grew.

"Tell you what. We'll get out of your hair for a bit, okay? We're going to go sightseeing since tomorrow is Brey's last full day and my afternoon is busy. Put on some music, have fun, I bet it will come to you. You've been a zombie all week. Maybe just try to get out of your head?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Maybe what she would do is lock herself in the studio here, "What's tomorrow?"

Chloe glanced down at her fingers, toying with her rings, "My appointment."

"What?" Beca cried, loud enough to make them all wince. The fuck? She knew it had to be soon, she knew it, and she had noticed that Chloe was avoiding giving her the exact date - but she had no idea it was that soon! "As in baby appointment? As in finding out how far along you are and all of that?" She could see the look of guilt on Chloe's face and honestly...it just pissed her off. "Chloe, why didn't you tell me?" She frowned as a thought occurred to her, "Actually, the hell? You haven't told me anything over the last freaking three days. Are you okay? How's Legacy? Have you been sick?" She felt like an idiot. How had she not noticed this? She had to stop letting herself be so in her head. She had spent her entire freshman year in her head, avoiding, running, being a bitch - and she had grown out of the habit but somehow over the last few years it had come back, hadn't it?

Okay, maybe she had never kicked the habit fully.

"A little, once or twice. I wasn't feeling well this morning but Aubrey made me toast."

Aubrey.

Okay, now she was jealous.

 _Aubrey_  made her toast? _She_ was supposed to be the toast getter! That was one of the benefits of sleeping together; she got to get the fucking toast!

"It's not that big of a deal, Beca, I just have a very unfortunate understanding of throwing up."

Beca just stared at Aubrey. How did she respond to that?

"I'm sorry." Chloe was playing with her engagement ring again, slightly uncomfortable, "I just don't like you seeing me that way. It's not exactly - sexy. We only started sleeping together. I," she gave her a small secret smile, "I want you to keep thinking I'm sexy - at least as long as you still can, Bec."

Aubrey's lips pursed and Beca felt a moment of triumph.

"It's not like that's the first time that I've seen you throw up, Chloe! We shared a toilet once when we both had the flu, remember? We roundhoused that shit."

"Oh god, don't talk about it!" Chloe's face turned purple, "Things are  _different_  now!"

"Yeah, exactly! You can't just not tell me!"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"Well, guess what. I worry. About you  _and_  Legacy."

"What if it's a boy?" Chloe's frown cracked into Beca's favorite secret smile, "Then what?"

"He would still be a legacy...kind of." Beca watched Chloe's bright face give her that just for her grin. "I mean, Bumper is its uncle."

Chloe's face pulled into a grimace, "I don't know, Beca. Fat Amy might be one of its aunts, but I'm not so sure that Bumper is its uncle."

Beca laughed, wanting more than ever to reach for her, to touch her in some way. "So, can I go with you?"

Chloe chewed her lip, "I was thinking I would go alone, actually."

Beca frowned.

"If it makes you feel better she said no to me too, Beca."

Oh my god, Aubrey, go away! Jesus, dude! This is a moment that you are not part of.

"I was just thinking it's something I would like to do alone."

This kind of surprised her a bit; usually Chloe was the opposite. She used to call her whenever she needed to run errands, just so she could have some company. "Okay, well...okay."

Her stomach twisted again, feeling outside monsters creeping in. It didn't mean something, did it? Aubrey hadn't like - talked her out of anything? I mean, she had barely seen her since Chloe and Aubrey had that talk. Oh shit, that hadn't even occurred to her. Would Chloe tell her? Would she tell her if she decided to step away from whatever it was they had started? Or would she simply let things settle back into the way they had been before?

"I can see you doing that. It's not like that, Bec. I just want to do this for myself."

But now the paranoia was there, "So where are you guys going today?" She didn't want to talk about that in front of Aubrey. She didn't want to talk about that at all. Fuck, had she really felt that awesome sense of domestic bliss a few days ago? Where did that go?

"Not sure yet."

 

The house was empty soon after and that was fine, she was fine, no big deal. She wasn't feeling totally alone at all. She pulled herself up to her studio, already resenting the room.

She sat in the chair and sighed.

She would just dabble. Dabbling was good, right?

She pulled on her headphones and plugged them into the makeshift keyboard.

She had this.

It was so simple.

What would Chloe say?

Just have fun.

No biggie.

Just fuck around.

She let her fingers fall and what came out were the first four chords of the Super Mario theme. Hmm, somehow she thought that might not help. Or! She could do this whole video game thing. Yeah! Like - her fingers stumbled over the keys. Damn it! She had been put in piano lessons as a kid but she had hated it, her hands were a bit too small to comfortably reach across an octave. She needed to right that, maybe she should start taking lessons. Her job made it so that she could get by but - she wobbled out a very poor intro to 'Heart and Soul' and scoffed.

Anyway. Enough of that.

She tinkered back and forth, hitting a few notes at random, trying a few combinations. She knew it had to be pop-y. The song that took the Grammy the year before had been upbeat and fun as had Amanda's the year before that. It was what was in right now – okay, it was what was in pretty much always. She knew she wanted to give Kendra at least one power ballad somewhere in the album but for now, fun was the answer. She tinkled out a small progression and liked it but it wasn't enough, she didn't love it. Maybe trying to love it was the problem though, how could she love it this early? Then again, she would know when she was on the right path…right?

She hit another chunk of notes at random, amused as she mentally started to compare her drabble to classical music until, chuckling to herself, she was hitting the keys in bold strokes.

Oh my god, I'm a child.

Hmm. The thought sent her mind somewhere else.

She couldn't believe Chloe had kept that from her. She wanted to be mad and to blame Aubrey and her intrusive presence but in reality, Chloe could have told her way before that.

Beca felt unprepared.

Of course, it wasn't really her business to  _be_  prepared for Chloe's appointment, right? She wasn't her girlfriend so she couldn't - but – well, she was her best friend so – god damn it, this whole thing was confusing. Either way - what if Chloe was right? They say a mother's instinct is usually correct, what if at some point she had lost this pregnancy too? Beca could get her through that, she knew she could. She was good at trauma. She had barely thought of Jeremy in days; she was an expert at pushing things away. She could get her through this because she was good at Chloe … and at least they would know.

But just in case.

She grabbed her phone and clicked open the Saucey app.

She really just needed to get a fucking car. Badly.

Distracted she spent a while searching through her official paperwork, looking for the name of the last dealership she had gone through when she had bought her car two years before. She called and made an appointment for a few days from then, spending far too long on the phone discussing the type of car she wanted. Nothing fancy, she wasn't really a Porsche kind of woman, not really. She wasn't even sure she could afford one! In theory she wanted a cool car, something vintage and 'Gone In Sixty Seconds'-like that would get her major cool points; but in reality, she knew nothing about cars and didn't really want to spend enough time learning to know what she would want. Could she hire someone to be cool like that for her? Probably but even that seemed like it would take too much effort too.

She hung up the phone and then spent a moment staring around the room. She had been doing something.

Her fingers trailed over the keys again - oh that's right.

She opened the Saucey app and spent another long while looking through the wine selection.

If Chloe was right - which, she couldn't be - this would be how they would spend their night tomorrow. She frowned as she put her desired bottle into the cart and realized Aubrey would still be there. She added two more bottles - then a third.

Why not? Make it a party.

Not that they would need it.

Because Chloe was  _not_ going to be right.

She double checked all of that and then ran the order, instructing them to call her when they delivered it an hour later.

Okay so...she looked around. Kendra. Right.

Maybe what they should do is just take one of the sample tracks that Kendra had been toying with and turn it into a hit. She knew that both Kendra and P.J. wanted her to come up with something fresh but was that just wasting a good track? I mean yeah, they were going to use them either way, but maybe Beca should be coming up with the filler stuff.

Except that was totally not what she was paid for.

She let her fingers run up and down the keys, thoughtlessly.

She really wished she had known that Chloe's appointment was tomorrow. She hadn't really known what she wanted to do for her but she had wanted to do something. Granted, it was going to throw a wrench into it that Aubrey was here.

Flowers?

No, too girlfriend-y. They were walking a line. So…

She went to her Safari app and typed in 'What to get for your pregnant not-girlfriend'. The first thing that popped up sent a burst of laughter through her, '10 Dumb Mistakes That Can Get Her Pregnant'. She didn't even want to know.

'Mistake number one: You think having sex standing up prevents pregnancy'

"Oh my god!" Beca cried into the empty room. "Really? Seriously? What are we freaking teaching these kids?"

Twenty minutes later her sides hurt from laughing so hard and she was clicking back to the homepage. "So freaking glad I can't get anyone pregnant," she said to no one in particular and then stopped, rethinking. Guess, that was kind of ironic. No, she didn't have the equipment to get anyone pregnant and yet here she was sleeping with a pregnant woman. Plus...that was probably kind of nice, wasn't it? Penis in vagina and then  _boom,_ you are now having my baby. No clinics, no frozen specimen...she had a feeling she was going to wish she had that ability...one day. She had never really given much thought to having kids...or getting married...but lately those things seemed to be in the back of her mind all of the time. She had no idea if it would really be in the cards for her but...it kind of sounded nice…these days…

Then again who would want to deal with her for the rest of their lives? She didn’t even know if she wanted to deal with herself for the rest of her life.

Either way she supposed she was about to get to be part of that world soon, at least a little bit. She was going to be able to pretend.

Beca frowned, staring at nothing. Would that get weird? It was probably going to get weird at some point, right? I mean...she had never really seen a pregnant woman up close; why would she have? Eventually Chloe was going to get big - like big, big, right? Oh my god, weird, and then there would be a baby. She was  _sure_  that was what happened after pregnancy...baby...she hadn't really thought about it before, why would she? Chloe was pregnant. So what? But right now she was at the cute, maybe she gets sick sometimes, starts eating weird foods type of pregnancy. What happened when she could no longer stand up?

Beca let out a small laugh at the thought of helping a very round Chloe off the couch and that answered her question for her.

Would they still be sleeping together? Would Chloe want to?

Were they in the beginning of a new sexual relationship - and maybe more - or were they closing toward the finish of a fun experience?

Either way, even if Beca just went back to being her best friend, she would be around, right?

 _Right_?

Chloe was back…in her life…now…right? Even if she went back to Henderson the silence between them was over…right?

**_Right?_ **

 

Crap.

Distracted.

Where had all of that come from?

She clicked back to the original search page and scanned, leafing through things like 'Surprise pregnancy?' and 'How to tell if your girlfriend is pregnant in six seconds'; clearly this wasn't going to be helpful.

Why  _wasn't_  Chloe showing yet? Was it a sign that she was right? She kept thinking she was seeing a slight change, like a softening of her stomach muscles but then she would watch Chloe do her yoga and realize she must have been wrong.

She clicked the search bar and typed 'when do you start to show a pregnancy'.

_"Every woman is different. If you're a first-time mom, you could begin developing a baby bump anytime between 12 and 16 weeks. But if this isn't your first baby, you may start showing sooner. This is because the muscles in your uterus (womb) and belly may already have been stretched from your last pregnancy."_

Okay, so Chloe was never going to show then because she didn't have a six-pack or anything like that but she was solid muscle and there were plenty of lines and indents that hinted that she could have one if she decided that she wanted one. Watching her do yoga only proved that point since, you know, Chloe liked to defy the laws of gravity as she did it.

Beca felt her face flush as she thought about it.

Okay, not where her mind needed to go right now. Fuck. But of course her brain didn't listen, sending her flash after flash of images that did anything but help the flush recede from her cheeks.

Okay. Focusing!

She stood, pacing with her phone in her hand and went back to the search bar, typing in 'what to get for your pregnant best friend'.

Oh shit! She had totally gotten distracted from what she was _actually_ supposed to be doing, hadn't she?

She put her phone down and turned back to the keyboard, taking her seat.

It wasn't really an option to just use Kendra's sample track, she knew that. She had to come up with her own. What she should do is listen to a few of her favorite songs and see if she could build anything off of that. And if she couldn't then she should listen to a few of the other tracks she had produced and see if anything came to her.

She plugged her headphones in and clicked to her favorite go-to song; immediately the smooth beat began to fill her ears.

She liked this. She wanted something kind of sexy. Kendra had made 'Flashlight' so cute and sweet; maybe sexy was the way to go this time. Kendra wasn't exactly a frilly, silly little girl; she was a sexy woman. They should use that.

And sex sells.

Boy, does it sell.

 

Absentmindedly she picked up her phone, her head bobbing to the beat.

She clicked over to a new song and then without thinking hit the Safari app. The page she had opened to a few minutes ago popped up. '20 gifts pregnant women actually want'.

"Jesus! Errr..." She scrolled through a little overwhelmed. Pregnancy clothes, oils, and ointments; specialty pillows, babysitting coupons, specialty pickles. Awww, babysitting coupons.

Oh god, _babysitting coupons_.

One of the very few things Chloe seemed to have actually decided was that she wanted to stay in L.A. That made Beca the go-to babysitter, didn't it? Beca and Emily. The thought filled her with a light happiness, so simple and easy - and yet, a horror so thick that she wanted to run and hide.

She had literally never held a baby before. Ever.

Shit, was there a class she could take?

They were so small and fucking breakable. What happened if she dropped it? Chloe would probably be mad if she broke her baby. Crap.

She scrolled a little further, "Fuck!" How the hell was she supposed to know what to get? There were like gazillions of things here! How was she supposed to know about any of this?

The song ended and the next on the track started to play automatically but Beca didn't notice.

Her phone began to buzz and she ran downstairs, surprised with how quickly the order had gotten there. It couldn't have been an hour, could it?

She wasn't huge on red wine but she knew that Chloe liked it and so did Aubrey. She grabbed the step stool that lived in the corner of her kitchen and climbed it so she could get to the top shelf of her kitchen cupboards where she usually kept a few bottles of wine. Hopefully no one would notice them up there - if Chloe came back with good news tomorrow.

Which she would.

Okay.

She ran through specialized chocolates, slippers, and for some reason, ladybug themed everything as she climbed the flights back up to the studio. Jesus. What fucking happened to something simple? How was she supposed to know which baby sarong Chloe was - shit!

She had lost her focus again.

But the afternoon went on that way, distracted and annoyed.

Nothing was coming to her.

Eventually she got so mad at herself that she took her phone and brought it all the way downstairs, leaving it on the living room table before sprinting back up like it was going to eat her if she didn't move fast enough.

That worked for a while, she fiddled with a few more songs but then she found she was just fidgeting with everything around her; the pencils, the speakers, her shoes.

She was halfway through reading the inside jacket of her Limp Bizkit CD when she groaned.

What the hell was wrong with her?

Then she heard her phone going off downstairs and of course it was the one personalized sound that would make her go get it.

"I'm sorry we haven't had a lot of time together recently. I promise to make it up to you soon okay, baby?" Beca's heart gave an excited little squeeze. She loved the familiarity, she loved the pet name, she loved the subtle hint that she would get to feel her wrapped around her at least one more time...because she never knew, not with the strange limbo they were living in. She was willing to be cool and just let it happen, but the promise was kind of nice. A second text appeared on her screen, "In the meantime, we're picking up dinner. Is there anything specific that you would like?"

"Dinner? It's fucking dinner time?" She cried to the empty house, spinning around to look at the clock. "How the fuck is it almost  _six_?" Oh god, she hadn't done anything of worth at all. Fuck. She replied quickly and then flew back up the stairs.

 

For a little while, she did actually get some work done. She got down a few chords that she liked together. She had no idea where they were going to go or what they were going to do but they sounded...kinda cool...ugh god, she needed better than 'kinda cool'!

"Hey."

Beca looked up and tried to give Chloe a smile but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Going that well, huh?"

"Pretty much. What's up? How was your afternoon?"

"Good. We went, well, a lot of places. I'll tell you when you're not working. Are you hungry? Can I bring you something?"

Beca frowned, shaking her head.

"Are you sure?" Chloe's cool hands wrapped around the back of her neck and Beca groaned as the thumbs dug in. "You should eat something."

Beca just let out another groan, enjoying the firm pressure of her fingers as her mind began drifting again to what she  _did_  want; which could be summarized in one word: Chloe. Her face must have been obvious because she saw Chloe blanch.

"I'm sorry, I want to, I really want to, trust me, but-" Beca watched Chloe's throat bounce uncomfortably. "I just need to eat something."

"Is that kind of a thing? The empty stomach thing?"

Chloe nodded, "And pressure. Every time I press on my stomach I-" her throat worked again.

"Okay well go eat. I'll see you later, okay?"

Chloe nodded, taking a second to let her finger trace down the shell of Beca's ear.

She shivered.

Okay. Back to work. Nooooo, we're not thinking about that right now, not thinking about the way that little touch made her feel, nope, thinking about music...and Kendra...and P.J….okay. She was good.

But the night was not a profitable one.

She spent far too long up there doing everything but bashing her head into the wall. She hadn't even realized how late it was until she yawned and had to stretch, her back cramping from sitting in the chair too long.

Fuck. Everyone was probably asleep.

She fell into bed, annoyed and proceeded to toss and turn for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

She woke up the next morning very late and stumbled down the stairs, hoping to catch Chloe before she left for her appointment and knowing that she was probably already too late.

She yawned, zombie like, scratching her stomach as she came down the stairs and frowned as she heard Aubrey's voice coming from the kitchen.  
"Mmmm," Aubrey purred, "and then what?"

It wasn't until Beca was at the bottom stair, her finger rubbing her eye - that she processed the words - and tone.

"Uh-huh. And? So that would be - after, right?" Aubrey let out a small laugh. "Because - yes, exactly."

Beca scowled. Okay, what was she hearing right now? And then her eyes flew wide.  _What was she hearing right now?_ Flashes of Aubrey's guilty face as she sat sprawled across Chloe's floor popped into her head and Beca vaulted forward, all but sprinting around the corner.

Relief washed over her when Aubrey and her phone dropped to the counter with a loud clack. Aubrey scooped it up instantly, "I have to go." She breathed into it, "I have to - yes. Yes. No. No, I'm not - I'm not saying that. I'm not -" Aubrey's cheeks went pink. "Right. Yes. Goodbye." She hung up the call and said in a brisk voice before Beca could speak, "You look like crap, Beca, everything okay?"

Beca just gave Aubrey a tight smile, "So who was that? Didn't know you were seeing anyone, Aubs."

Aubrey's eyes narrowed, "I'm not."

"Oh yeah?"

Aubrey's eyes narrowed, "Leave it to you, Beca, to -"

But Beca held up her hand, cutting her off. That's right, she had forgotten. They weren't friends. Right. "You know what? I don't need to know. Whatever. Chlo gone?"

"Just a few minutes ago." Aubrey said, sitting back down, "She said to say she hopes to be back by three at the latest."

"You seem _comfortable_." Beca sighed, and simply because she knew it would annoy Aubrey she lit a cigarette there in the kitchen. Childish but satisfying. They really had reverted, hadn't they? Beca could be interjecting her version of 'Bulletproof' into Aubrey's set right now and it would be just as relevant.

"I am, thank you." Aubrey was propped on a stool with a magazine open in front of her, as if she had been reading before - whatever that phone call had been - happened.

Beca took a long drag, throwing open the windows so it would air out properly.

"How is the song coming along?"

 

 

Beca scowled as she poured herself a cup of coffee. This time the question didn't sound like a personal attack. "Oh, so you're going to be nicer to me now that Chloe isn't here? Is that how we're going to play it?"

"What?" Aubrey waved her hand in front of her face, clearing away the smoke and giving her a signature Aubrey glare. "I'm sorry, have I been rude?" Aubrey gave a small, dramatic cough, "You  _are_  sleeping with my best friend, doesn't that give me some room to be critical?"

"My best friend too."

"Yes, well, now you get her all to yourself all of the time. I'm not giving up my friend, Beca. I’m not giving up my place in her life."

" _What?_ " Beca nearly choked on her drink, "Aubrey, no one wants you to! Literally no one has asked you to! Stop acting like you and I were never friends. I wouldn't ask you to leave my life  _or_ hers! No one is kicking you to the curb just because she and I slept together a few times. Come down from the cross, Aubrey, God! Jesus, dude!"

"Stop trying to be self-righteous with me, Beca. Sleeping with Chloe doesn't make you an expert on her. You don't actually get to know her better, you know. Having sex is just that, having sex! That's all. Any of us could do it!"

Beca scoffed, none of this even made sense. It was all from left field. Her responses didn't even make sense to what Beca was saying! Plus...if she were a Chloe expert - she wanted to argue that in reality it was the years and years of friendship that had done that but instead she snapped, "Well, you've done your job well because I'm not having it recently sooo, yeah, thanks for the clitoference." She gave her a quick sarcastic wink and started back up the stairs. No way was she going to stay down there.

 She didn't even mind that she and Chloe hadn't slept together in a few days. She wanted it, yes. She had only just begun; she didn't want to take a four-day long break. But what was really starting to bother her was Aubrey's attitude.

Something was going on with her...Beca just couldn't place what.

She sat back down at her soundboard and spent a second looking over it.

She didn't really want to be there.

She was back up in a second.

She needed a change of scenery.

Sitting here wasn't going to do anything.

 

She almost called a cab the second she walked from her building, but the thing was she didn't really know where she was going to go. She could go into work but what she wanted was distraction.

Fucking Aubrey, what the fuck was wrong with her? She was still fuming.

She heard Aubrey's words, but she just couldn't believe that was what she was actually upset about. There was something else there too.

And okay, she got it, Beca as a person was easy to leave behind, this wasn't new to her. But how the hell had she mattered so little that Aubrey could just go nuts like she clearly was - it just - how did - she hadn't even - ugh - fuck it.

So she started to walk.

You know, it was almost like Aubrey was jealous.

Actually, knowing Aubrey she probably was jealous. Not romantically - she hoped – god she hoped. She remembered the guilty way that Aubrey had stared back at her from the floor of Chloe’s room -  the way she had looked a little bit like the cat who ate the canary – the way her eyes had flicked guiltily to Chloe, still sleeping in bed.

The thought was uncomfortable.

No way! No freaking way! She had to be making that up, there was no way!

Aubrey probably _was_ jealous. She was probably jealous that it had happened outside of her control. Neither of them had consulted her before jumping into bed together, neither of them had needed her for this.

Maybe jealous wasn't the right word.

Maybe she was just a fucking tight ass micromanaging control freak.

She crossed the street and scowled, lighting a cigarette. She didn't like that she wasn't there with Chloe right now. Between Aubrey in her living room and Chloe at the doctor, she just felt twitchy like she hadn't had enough coffee.

But - her feet stopped, distracted out of her thoughts.

The storefront was adorable, little hippie clothes five times smaller than the average shirt, books, stuffed animals and every type of adorable baby thing.

"Dude!" Chloe would love this crunchy hippie shit. Oh my god.

She didn't even think about it. She put out her cigarette and stepped inside.

 

* * *

 

That shop had been like a vortex. She had no idea how long she had been in there but she did know that the longer she was, the higher in pitch her internal monologue had risen until she was walking around squeaking like a mouse. Everything was so fucking tiny, I mean damn. She knew this thing would be small but holy crap.

And everything in there had been so soft. She wanted to touch all of it. It all was freaky soft, didn't matter if it was toys or clothes or blankets.

It had been really hard not to buy like - everything. She had told herself she would not get clothes, that was Chloe's jurisdiction and she was just there to get a friendly 'hey best friend, yay baby' gift. Just one. Nothing big.

...She had walked out of there with a handful of things.

First was a book on moving past lost pregnancies that the sales woman swore no one ever read but was the best. She wasn't sure she could get Chloe to read it but she was still going to try. She had also bought a cream that could be rubbed on Chloe's belly to help the stretching skin - she had stumbled over this one, wondering if it was too intimate but...she would have been the one to apply it pre-sex anyway, right?  
And before she could stop herself she had bought a pair of shoes - a tiny pair of baby-sized high top Converse because oh my god every baby needed that. They were so freaking fucking tiny fucking cute and adorable and oh my god, she couldn't help it. It was out of her hands. They had flown to the register by magic, she hadn't even made that choice, it had just happened. They fit in her freaking  _palm_  and their little laces were like three inches long, oh my god.  
This was all blowing her mind. She had never thought twice about babies or kids before this. What the fuck was happening to her?  
Then at the register, she had happened to glance over and there was this little stupid fucking  _fox_ , this tiny little stuffed fox with bright orange and white fur and this happy little grin and she had snatched it with a groan.

Fuck.

She chuckled to herself, checking the clock again.

She couldn't even feel bad.

She just - she would never go into that store again.

Because she couldn't handle herself.

Clearly.

She shifted in her chair, jotting down a few more notes and put the little stupid fucking cute fox back into her lap.

It wasn't her fault! It was just so damn snuggly! It might be the softest thing she had ever touched.

What the hell was she supposed to do?

"Ugh god!"

She let her head fall to the desk. She was so lame.

Though that wasn't even half as lame as how hard her ears were perked, listening for the sound of the front door. Aubrey hadn't been there when Beca got back, instead there had been a note informing her that Aubrey was down in the second-floor gym. Beca hadn't even known that her building had a gym, let alone one on numerous floors but whatever; it was good to know.

The music had been flowing better since she got back too. She had most of a chord progression and it was kind of cool, edgy and - something - she didn't know. She wanted to celebrate but having the chord progression for the background music was the tip of the fucking iceberg.

Her head snapped up and she listened, holding her breath. She was sure she had just heard the front door click closed. "Hello? Chlo?"

Silence.

Damn it.

It was a pretty cool piece of music, if she could get the rest of it up to par.

She was still worried about this stupid song, but her walk seemed to have helped. She just, she needed to decompress but she had no idea how to do that. Why couldn't she be one of those girls who could hit the gym for like an hour and suddenly every problem in their life was better? She would be so ripped!

Door?

Noo, hearing shit again.

Her stomach swirled as she thought - yet again - about how little time she actually had. She wouldn't let herself count the days, she wouldn't. Plus, there was no real hard and fast rule. Her next meeting with Kendra wasn't until the end of October  _but_ P.J. liked to hover on things like this. He would probably start poking around within two or three weeks which meant she needed to have the rough version done before then. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck. That was so soon.

Okay,  _that_  had definitely been the door.

"Hey!" She heard Chloe's gentle voice floating from downstairs and she was up. But wait, no, she paused and sat back down, hugging the fluffy toy to her chin. Was it lame to come running? No! Totally not lame. She sprinted and tripped and fell down half of the stairs before she stopped, yelping and catching either side of the railing. Yes, lame. Totally lame.

"Hello? Beca? Brey?"

She would just go slowly.

She took the next two stairs at a snail's pace.

Oh god, totally lame. She turned and sprinted back up, hearing Chloe's feet on the first-floor staircase. She wasn't lame. She was good. It was fine. She wasn't overeager at all. She took a deep, fast breath and tried to resituate her hair. She hadn't just gone running and then running the opposite direction. She was good. She was cool.

She shoved the book and the fox under the desk, remembering that she didn't know how it had gone. Chloe's voice didn't sound unhappy but who knew. She waved her hands at her face, trying to cool her cheeks.

Ugh god, you suck.

"Bec?"

"Hey! You're back!" she called, spinning toward the door and hoping she looked - I don't know, cavalier? Um, not like she spent all day waiting for her to come back and then went to a baby store and then freaked out when she got home. Nope. She was cool. Calm. Mildly indifferent.

"Hi." Chloe took a deep breath as she came through the door and Beca did her best to read her expression. She was smiling, just it wasn't the giant smile she could produce...but she didn't look like she had been crying either.

"How did it go?"

Chloe reached into her pocket and handed her a small piece of paper.

"What the hell, this looks like a Rorschach te- OH MY GOD, IS THIS YOUR BABY?"

Chloe's hands folded in front of her, almost shyly, "Uh-huh."

"CHLOE!" Beca was up, grabbing the woman in a bear hug, "I told you that you were still pregnant, you freaking dork! Oh my god!" She noticed that despite her hug Chloe's fingers were hovering around her throat. "Why are you nervous?"

"What? I'm not." Chloe scoffed, her eyelashes fluttering.

"Chloe!"

"I just-"

"You're still scared."

"I-"

"Oh my god, Chlo! I get it but holy shit, right here," she held up the sonogram, "that's your baby! Holy shit!" She looked at it again, knowing her eyes were huge, and then up to Chloe - and Beca could have lived in the laughter Chloe let out. "Holy shit!" She wrapped her in a hug again, holding her tight. This time Chloe wrapped her arms around her as well. She pulled back just enough to look at the little black and white sonogram again. "Oh my god, it looks like a deformed potato!"

"It does not!"

"So wait," she felt Chloe turn to look as well, pressing her cheek against Beca's, "what am I looking at?"

"That right there is the head, and that's the belly and that right there, that little bump is the nose."

"Whoa." Beca blinked, a little dizzy.

"They said that I'm eleven weeks."

"So Nick was right then."

"Yeah, I guess he was," Chloe grinned, rolling her eyes. "He will be very pleased to know."

"And?"

"And. I'm eleven weeks. They said that they can often tell if it's a boy at this point and they couldn't so -"

"So it's probably a girl?" No really, why was the room spinning so much? She felt like she did just after each competition when she was waiting to hear whose name was going to be called as first place.

"They don't know for sure but there's a high chance."

 _A girl_. Holy crap, a little girl. A little tiny freckled, redhead Chloe in miniature.

"Bec? Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, totally."

"They said I'm due in March. March 30th."

"March?" Whoa, she needed to sit down.

"Beca! What's wrong?"

Beca had sat back down hard in her seat with a little moan, "What, I can't get a little emotional about my best friend's baby?"

Chloe dropped to her knees, leaning on Beca's thighs and grinning like an angel.

God, she was adorable. "Eleven weeks, huh?"

"That's right."

"Out of how many again?"

"40."

Wow, that uh, that wasn't a lot.

Beca had to blink, shaking her head a little to clear away the fuzziness, "Wow, Chlo. Are you happy?"

"I'll celebrate when I'm passed my D&C date."

"Chloe-" Beca wanted to scold her, to yell at her for always being so negative but instead she bit her tongue. God that was weird, Chloe not being a ball of optimistic sunshine. "So I might have done some shopping today."

"Shopping?"

Not wanting to break contact with her she reached behind her, searching and pulled out the stuffed fox.

"Oh my god!" Chloe cried at a frequency that only dogs would be able to hear.

"I named him Roger," Beca said because she couldn't think of anything else to say. "And," she pulled out the book, "the woman at the store says that this book is great. I'm not saying you've been pessimistic or anything but you should, uh, read this, maybe? She said it really helped her and it's supposed to be, like, I dunno, really funny and really practical. You haven't read it, have you?"

"Oh, Bec!" Chloe heaved a sigh, taking the book, "No, I haven't read it."

"What's wrong?"

Chloe's eyes narrowed as she thought, "I just - this isn't something I need to move past. Beca, there's just no point! I'm not going to keep this baby. I'm not even letting myself get attached. This is just part of my life. And -"

"Oh my god, Chloe! Come on!"

"I just know!"

"But you don't! That is the whole point of this book! You're just afraid, what the hell! What if you do? Hmm? What if you keep this baby?"

Chloe smiled, "Then that would be amazing."

"Maybe you will! But if you do, you will have spent the entire pregnancy refusing to acknowledge it and that just, I don't know, that seems like a waste to me." Chloe gave her a small amused smile and Beca scoffed, "Yeah, exactly! You're forcing  _me_ to be the optimistic one!"

"It's good for you."

"Look, just - read it. Even if you don't keep this one it will be more information for the next one."

"Beca," Chloe's head fell to Beca's thighs with a groan, "I'm divorcing my husband. There isn't going to be a next time."

"So? There are, you know, other ways that you can have a kid.  _Okaaay_ , don't make it weird, that wasn't what I meant!" Chloe's eyebrows had just shot high as she giggled, biting her lip, "Look, look at Roger, he's so cute!" Beca finished, her heart pounding against her ribs, trying not to internalize  _anything_ that had just happened. "This is weird to say since it's you know,  _you_ , but you have to stay positive."

"You're right." Chloe gave her hand a tight squeeze, "You're amazing."

Beca grinned down at her. Wait. They were alone. Could someone please tell her why she wasn't kissing her? Right now? "Com'ere."

Chloe's smile grew, brightening significantly, "Wait." Her hand shot out when Beca was a millimeter away. "MmmMm," her lips curled in on one another with a headshake.

"Really? Noooo! This is the first time we've been alone in days. I want to kiss you somewhere!"

Blue eyes flashed and Beca flushed, "That too."

Chloe pretended to think about it before gently tapping the side of her neck, already purring softly.

Beca bit her lip, she wanted to attack like a starving man at his first meal in days but instead she leaned in and very softly ran her nose under her jaw, "This okay?" Chloe just purred louder so Beca ran her lips lightly over the small mole there, kissing it and up to her jaw again. "Chlo," she said in between kisses, speaking the words into her skin, "I know that - it's been - really hard to - go through this every – time and I – can't talk because – I don't know – what that's like - but - you're missing out on - this pregnancy."

Chloe's hands closed over her knees, leaning up a little higher, "Mmm, that's nice." So Beca didn't stop there, pulling her in by the back of the head. Damn it, she wanted more. She nibbled lightly, enjoying the strong sound that came from her. She pulled back, so Chloe had to all but scramble part way into her lap to keep the contact. "Ahh, I know - that you're oooh, right-” she tried to speak through her breathy hitches, “mmmm, but - it isn't - easy, right there, ahmmmm...oohhh, that's good - that's -"

Downstairs they heard the front door close again and Beca groaned, refusing to give up the little bit of skin she was allowed, sucking at her pulse point until she heard Chloe cry out and then sucking harder. She pulled again and Chloe scrambled, pushing herself into her lap, straddling her in the chair.

"Jesus Christ," Beca groaned, moving down her chest and purposely cupping her breast, wishing more than anything that Aubrey would disappear right now so they could continue.

Chloe hissed, her head flopping forward as her hands closed like claws on Beca's shoulders.

"Sore?"

Beca felt her toes curl as she watched her lick her lips, eyes closed. "Yes."

"Better?" She moved her fingers lightly, barely touching and Chloe's mouth fell open.

"Oh god, that feels amazing."

"Chloe?" Aubrey called from below them.

"Oh god, is she coming up here?"

"Yeah." Beca groaned, pulling away breathless.

"We could just let her find us like this." Chloe chuckled, her fingers playing at the back of Beca's neck.

"Ha, I bet she wouldn't come up here again."

Chloe let out a whine and pulled herself away, standing and straightening her shirt.

"How's your stomach?"

The only answer she got was a scrunched up nose.

"Something I can do? Can I make you a snack?"

Chloe grinned, "Sure," reaching for Beca's hand.

"Oh there you guys are," Aubrey smiled as they appeared in the doorway.

"We were going to have a snack."

"Great! How was it?"

The three tramped down to the kitchen, Chloe still holding Beca by the hand as she filled Aubrey in.

"Awe, this is cute." Aubrey fluffed the fox's fake fur.

"His name is Roger."

Aubrey tensely laughed and then scowled, "My goodness, I can't leave you two alone for a second."

Oh shit. Beca followed Aubrey's eyes to the small red bruise on Chloe's neck. Oops. Sorry not sorry, the sound she had made when Beca had done that had been well worth it.

She really had to stop doing that.

"What's wrong?"

"You've uh," Beca swallowed down a laugh, "got a little decoration there."

Chloe touched her neck and to Beca's surprise, she just grinned and bit her lip.

 


	20. Chapter 20

It bothered Beca just how excited she was to see Aubrey go. She liked Aubrey - usually. I mean, it had taken them a while to get there but she did care about her…a lot...when she wasn't being a raging douchebag. So she didn't want to be so pleased to see her go that she could have done a little 'Cotton-Eyed-Joe' dance - but she was; especially when, after getting ready for bed that night, she rolled over to turn off the light and was met with Chloe's excited face coming through the door.

"Just do me a favor, okay?" Her smiling ginger begged.

"Hmm?"

"Stay over there. No, no, it's  _not_ you! There was a woman behind me in line at the store today. She tripped and ran into me and all she did was kind of bump my stomach into my cart. I almost threw up all over her."

"Oh god. Yeah, okay. Over here I'm staying. Not how I want to wake up."

And while things began to slowly return to normal - or at least that new normal they had been on their way to finding before Aubrey’s arrival - Chloe was far too sick for any type of intimacy, no kissing, no cuddling,  _no_  touching. As a matter of fact, over the next week Beca began to learn a new side of Chloe, one she had seen before but had never been exposed for this long at a time. Very-sick-oh-god-don't-touch-me-don't-look-at-me-I-might-be-dying-hold-me-no-don't-hold-me-I-hate-life-please-tell-me-you-still-think-I'm-beautiful-even-though-I'm-in-love-with-sweatpants-right-now Chloe.

She was fucking miserable, everything set off her morning sickness and she was generally so uncomfortable that being touched at all was too much.

Beca loved every moment of it though. Everything she read online hinted that strong morning sickness meant strong baby and she refused to believe otherwise. Baby Legacy was happening. Chloe needed it to happen and she had to admit, the idea was pretty cool to her too.

The thing was, the inability to be close only kept Beca hyper focused on what she needed to be doing. Working. Time was ticking by at an impressive rate and she needed to hop-to. She spent so much time in her studio that she was beginning to feel like a mole person, hissing whenever she saw the sunlight. She got the background music done and she had an idea of the melody but the problem was that she kind of needed lyrics before she could come up with the melody.

And she was fucking stuck.

She wasn't a goddamn lyricist; she had never claimed to be. That wasn't weird; this was why P.J. had two lyricists on staff! She needed Miles. He would hear the melody and boom, five minutes later there would be a whole song and after she tinkered for a few hours it would be perfect. She needed that boom. It was like the lyrics were running from her.

She needed them and it was impossible.

If she were being honest, she knew who she wanted to work with. She knew whose influence she wanted; but goddamn it, she couldn't have it!

 

Finally, a few days post Aubrey's departure Chloe was given medicine to help her, what could only be called, all day sickness and things began to even out that way, but Beca was so lost in her head that it was impossible to see where she was walking.

 

"It's all just freaking bad!" She yelled at no one particular, "It's all just fucking terrible. It sounds like a nursery rhyme, but bad."

She was sitting cross-legged atop the kitchen island, something she could tell Chloe did not approve of at all and though she really wanted to go outside and smoke the cigarette she had come down for. She instead was just sitting and glaring at her cabinets, huffing deeply and pretending she wasn't about to freak the fuck out. "Are you sure you don't want me to cook?"

"Nope. You've cooked every night or we have gotten takeout. I feel okay for the first time in a week so I want to cook. I want to get back to doing the things I love."

Beca was left slightly flustered by the brazen and suggestive wink that Chloe had given her just then, that was, until she saw Chloe pulling the spinach from the refrigerator. "Nooooo!" Beca groaned, "I can't, I can't eat it again!" They had some type of spinach in every meal that week, Chloe couldn't get enough. “My skin is going to turn green!”

"Beccccaaaaa!" Chloe immediately whined like she had been waiting for Beca's complaint, "I have to have it! It's like my whole body needs it! It's all I  _want!_ "

"Aren't you supposed to crave things like chocolate and potato chips? Where are the potato chips? I could get down with potato chips!"

Chloe frowned but Beca's mind was already drifting back, knowing she would not win this fight and not really wanting to anyway, "I just don't freaking understand why he won't freaking let me use Miles and Jackie. I know he's not using them right now. I already gave him a basically completed track for EZ."

She didn't miss Chloe's sly I-win smile as she began to chop, "It will come to you. It will. You just need to give it time. A week ago you didn't think the music would come to you either."

"Yeah, but that sucks too! Oh my god, it all sucks!" She flopped back, sprawling across the counter and pouting heavily. This was a thing she did, she knew it. If one area sucked then suddenly they all sucked and she was sure she should give up and possibly burn all evidence. She knew she did this but that didn't stop her from honestly feeling it.

Chloe's frowning face appeared over hers, "Don't you think you're being a little pessimistic here?"

"No?" Beca went cross-eyed trying to keep her focus on Chloe as she kissed between her eyes.

"You said that the song is supposed to be kind of slow grind sexy, right?"

"Yeah." Beca scowled. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, what's sexy?"

Beca scoffed, tilting her head back to look at Chloe in her tight yoga pants and stretchy long sleeve. "Yoga pants."

Chloe grinned, obviously pleased, "Okay well, it's been about two weeks since we've had sex, have you realized that?"

Had she realized it? Yeah. She had realized. They hadn't had sex for longer than they had actually had it now. Not that she was complaining or - anything - but yes, she had fucking noticed. Daily. "Has it? Hmm, no I hadn't noticed." Chloe shot her a glare. "Okay, that was a lie. I noticed."

"You better have noticed!"

Beca scoffed, shaking her head and covering her eyes.

"If you want to get lucky any time soon, that is."

"Wait," Beca's head popped up off the island watching Chloe's teasing eyes sparkle, "I'm getting lucky? When am I getting lucky? Oh god,  _please_  tell me I'm getting lucky!" She whined, scooting so her head hung off the side. She didn't even care that she was behaving like a giant baby right now; she  _felt_  like a giant baby! She wanted to flop onto the floor and kick her feet until the lyrics came to her.

"Good." Chloe's hands clamped down on her sprawled thighs, "Now take _that_  and put it into a song."

"Taaaake whaaaaat?"

"You're sexually frustrated."

And there it was, one of those very  _Chloe_ moments where she just said something that left Beca crippled and not knowing how to respond to the brutal - truth. She just stated it as a fact and it made Beca's stomach twist with guilt. She wasn't - frustrated - she was...lusty? Maybe a little horny? Errr, she was...she didn't know, but she wasn't like, angry about it or anything...just, um, it would be um, nice...and it was occupying a lot of her thoughts and...fuck. She tried to simply keep her face schooled, but that was difficult under Chloe's knowing eye.

"Tell me what you want to do to me." Chloe continued, "Right now. Tell me and then put it into your music."

"All the fucking things!" She shouted at the ceiling.

"Tell me." Chloe insisted.

She frowned, this already had awkward written all over it. "I uh-" She saw Chloe's encouraging smile and flushed hard. Nope, she couldn't look at her while doing this. "I uh, I want to…" Fail. "I dunno, can't I just show you? I'm err, I'm not good at, um, dirty talk.  _What_ _?_ It's weird! It's not like ordering off a menu, like hi, I'd like to touch your boobs with a side of cunnilingus, please. It's so weird!"

"You don't like to dirty talk?"

"I uh, I mean, I  _like_ it but like - 'oooh, baby I want to lick your pussy'? No! That's just- um, I don't know. I don't know how to respond to that. Like - thanks? Please do? I don't know! Does that mean you do? Like it? Errr, I mean."

"Well maybe not like that, just yeah, it can be nice, hot even."

Beca just stared, not at all surprised but - having thoughts suddenly that she was trying to hide.

"Oh my god, you're so funny sometimes, Beca." Chloe laughed, turning back to the other side of the counter. "The song will come to you. I promise."

 

But it didn't.

Not for another two hours anyway.

 

They had gorged themselves on their dinner and were lazily moving around the kitchen not really cleaning up as much as puttering, too full. Chloe was still something of an inventive cook but this kitchen experiment had turned out pretty well.

"What about something funny?"

Beca smirked, not really needing an explanation to know what she was talking about, "What like  _'let me roll in your honey pot, sugar'_?" She asked, teasingly shaking her hips as she sang to a wobbly tune.

Chloe let out a high laugh, "What about,  _'come to the berry patch and lick my cherry'_?" The accompanying gyration made it hilarious.

Beca threw her head back and laughed, letting herself dance with Chloe to the poor beatboxing rhythm that they were creating, "Hmmm, how about ' _I - dum,dum,dum,dum_ " she sang, hopping and playing the air guitar over her head, "' _I-I-Ieyeye, love to hear you laugh, it makes me happy in my - cabbage patch.'_ "

"' _It gives me tingles - by the batch, yayayah._ '"

"Or you know, we could just cut to the chase and sing  _'Ooooooooh, baby, please cum in my mouth, chicka-chicka-bow-bow'_." Chloe let out a snort, doubling over at Beca's hip trust. Beca grinned, spurred on my Chloe's amusement; wanting to continue to be the reason why Chloe was laughing like that, "How about -  _'I JUST HAD SEEEEYEX! AND IT FELT SOOO GOOOD!'_  Oh wait, someone already wrote that, didn't they?"

"Mmm, that would be cheating. Go get the plates."

"Damn it! Why are all the good words already taken?" Beca cried, throwing her hands up in the air in teasing frustration as she headed back to the living room.

"What's something actually sexy?" Chloe called over the sound of the water in the sink, "Are you looking for actions or-"

"I don't know, general top 40 sexiness."

"So less, 'baby, please come fuck me' and more  _'oh, baby pleeeeaaaase'._ " Chloe released, her voice high, rough, libidinous.

Beca froze, plate still in hand, watching the soft roll of Chloe's body. She had just said that, hadn't she? Oh fuck, she had just said that. Dear - fucking - dear jesus fuck, pleeeeeease say that again, just one more time. Holy shit. All of it. Say all of it again.

"What?"

"What? I uh, what?" Beca thrust the plates at her and spun on her heels to grab the cups. Breathing. She was breathing. _How_ was it possible to be so sexy? "Um, I don't know," she did her best to move on, clearing her mind and the flush from her cheeks, "something kind of catchy but hot like,  _'let me be your queeeayeen, tonight.'_ "

"Damn, Bec! I thought you didn't use that voice of yours anymore."

Beca chuckled, proud of her belt, "It has its moments."

"Hmmm,  _'And baby, youooououu, can be my king,_ '" Chloe threw back, her voice rattling the kitchen windows.

"Dayamn! I don't know if Kendra can do that. Though she's freakishly tall so I don't know, there has to be room in her for a voice like that."

"Is she really tall?"

"Totally, and her boyfriend is like 5'2 so it's kind of hilarious. I mean, I haven't seen them together a lot but I always wonder how that works. Like does he climb up her body in order to kiss her? I don't know."

"Maybe she's his jungle gym." Chloe gave her a slow wink.

"Yeah well, I guess if I had to climb someone I would-"

"Oh!"

"What?"

Chloe clicked her tongue, her hips rolling slowly and sang in her best sexy tamber,  _'Climb meeeeeyh, taste meeeeeyh'_."

"Oh my god, that's good!"

"What?" Chloe giggled, her hair bouncing, transforming back from seductive temptress to adorable as fuck Chloe at a speed that was disorienting.

"No seriously. That's good." She spent a second humming through the cords she had already put down, "Climb me, taste me - let me - no, fuck, errr, climb me, taste me - I'll ride - fuck, climb me, taste me, I'll kiss you - I'll-"

Suddenly Chloe was there, snapping into place in a way that reminded Beca that if she wanted to, Chloe could use her as a human stripper pole; her leg high around Beca's waist, her arm around her neck as she sang, " _'I'll ride you 'til you love me, baby._ "

Beca stared, blinking quickly, "That's - that good-" she said in a small voice, "I mean, I think - my brain's a little,” she swung her finger around beside her temple, “but good! Better than anything I've come up with. And hot, that's uh, that was, that's hot."

Chloe grinned, pretending to bite Beca's cheek before releasing her and heading to the living room.

God, living with Chloe - she had forgotten this - you never knew when the sexy was going to suddenly attack. Beca watched her go, mouth dry and heart beating fast, "Can we make that a promise, too? Chlo? Chloe? Pretty please? I'll - I'll give you a cookie!"

 

She couldn't get the lyrics out of her head. It wasn't right, they didn't come from her but they were good and they fucking fit!

They got the room cleaned up and then crawled into their pajamas.

"Can we watch some TV for a while? I just want to turn my brain off."

Beca chuckled, it was the exact opposite of what she could do right now, of what she wanted to do. Her brain was humming, spinning and whirling and it felt like ecstasy.

She had come up with a few lines but none of them were as good.

Ugh. Why couldn't she be like Emily? She had a whole beat working in her head, making it bob a little as she moved. But the words...no way. Fuck, even Chloe had come up with better lyrics than she had! Why was everyone else better at her job than she was?

"What?" Beca asked as she gathered a throw blanket for Chloe's legs.

"You're dancing."

"What? No way."

"You were, you were totally dancing to something in your head." Chloe cuddled into the crook of the couch with a lazy smile, "I love it."

"I mean, I think I got a beat down. Those words, your words they are so good! But I can't think of anything else." She covered Chloe, knowing the woman was always cold these days.

She loved the lyrics. She really did. But she was curious. She really wanted to know what Emily thought. It was no big deal, she just wanted to know. She wouldn't use whatever she said or anything, but it would be interesting to see. She grabbed her phone as she flopped down, letting Chloe's feet stretch into her lap and typed out a quick text, "What could come next? 'Climb me, taste me, I'll ride you 'til you love me, baby.'" She sent the text and her hands went to Chloe's cold feet, automatically rubbing.

She didn't even have to wait a minute. She clicked open her phone and read, "touch me, lust me, I'll never let you break me, boy." Her eyes popped wide. "Why? What is that?" Emily sent another right on the tail of the first.

Beca just swallowed hard, "FUCK!"

 

****

 

Oh goodness her back! Chloe groaned as she rolled over on the soft cushions of the couch. She needed to invest in a good mattress pad - or, wait, ugh, or stop falling asleep on the couch, damn it! Oh nooooo! She had  _fallen asleep_ _!_ She had only meant to watch a twenty-minute show, just long enough to let her dinner settle and to pick up some steam again and then she was going to - well, fulfill the lyrics of the song.  
She missed her, she missed her touch, she missed feeling her skin against her own. She had been able to see Beca's polite frustration the night before and she hadn't minded at all, she felt the same way. The medicine was working; her stomach was feeling better as long as she kept it full and stayed away from smells that were too strong. She had wanted so much. But damn it, she had fallen asleep.

She pulled herself up and felt a warm flutter when she saw a granola bar and a glass of juice on the table beside her, ready and waiting.

She was  _so_  sweet.

She finished it off quickly, uncomfortably, and then rose, "Beca?"

She climbed the stairs, fluffing her hair and stretching.

"Beca?"

Nothing, so she took the last small flight, knowing exactly where Beca would be. Though, she was surprised when she heard two voices from Beca's studio instead of the one.

"No, yeah, like that, only in a downbeat, you know what I mean? So that the 'boy' is kind of hot."

"Right, right, right, though I dunno, 'boy'? Isn't that kind of 90's pop?"

"I think that's why it's good. That shit is back in!"

Chloe bit her lip, leaning against the doorframe. Beca and Emily were sitting together at the soundboard, huddled so close over a small sheet of paper that their heads kept almost bonking every time they moved.

"I mean like, listen to this." Beca played a few quick beats, singing along.

"Oooooh,  _yeah_ _!_ Okay, I see what you mean. Hells yeah!"

They were both so in their zone, their eyes alight that Chloe decided she wouldn't bother them. Instead she took a second to simply enjoy Beca's radiant face, the way her eyes shone as she laughed, the way her hands moved as she explained herself.

They both looked so inspired, so happy.

She sighed, running her fingers over her heart and enjoying this very pleasant, for once, tumbling in her stomach.

She would never understand how of all the people in the entire world she got lucky enough to be best friends with Beca - that she got to kiss her and be kissed by her.

"Hey lyrical genius,"

Chloe grinned again, happily biting her bottom lip; pleased, despite her determination to leave them alone, that Beca had noticed her because it meant she could lope across the room and wrap her arms around Emily in a tight hug and then around Beca, kissing her cheek, draping over her back. "Good morning, beautiful."

Beca made an awkward squawking noise but smiled, blushing ever so slightly.

Chloe nuzzled her neck. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I couldn't! You were so cute! Plus, you passed out like a nanosecond after we sat down so I figured I probably shouldn't. But look, okay, check this out, check this out!" Beca was speaking as though someone had dosed her morning coffee, so excited. She loved to see her this excited! She clicked on a thirty-second track she had already recorded and Emily piped up, singing the chorus in her light sweet voice.

"I like it! Though you need something sexier! Like,  _'Climb me, taste me, I'll ride you 'til you love me, baby_."

"Exactly!" Beca agreed, pointing her pencil at Emily for emphasis. "There's more. Look."

Chloe looked down at the paper and sang, "' _Climb me, taste me, I'll ride you 'til you love me, baby. Touch me, lust me, I'll never let you break me, boy.'_  Oh, that's good! _Very_ top 40! When did you come up with that?"

"Flashlight."

"I just - I can't  _do_  that! That super sexy raspy - thing." Emily cried, her smile huge despite the fact that her shoulders were slumping.

"Oh you totes can, just dig down in your stomach like, " _'yeaaah'_ " she let out a sultry, rasp and felt Beca shiver in her arms.

Emily's face contorted into concentration, "Yeaaaahyah."

"That was beautiful!" Chloe cried, her arms tightening around Beca's shoulders, "I love your voice, Em."

"Dog-freaking-goneit!" Emily smacked the top of the table.

Chloe couldn't help but to be caught up in their high spirits a little bit. She laughed, "Just be silly, it helps. Try it again, ' _like yeeeeeaaayah._ " Beca shivered again, her face turning to give her a pointed look. Chloe pulled in her lips, holding back a laugh; understanding that look on her face perfectly and feeling the gentle 'please stop doing that, I can't take it' all the way down into her core.

"Yeeeaaaahyah!"

"See that was better!" Chloe cried a moment too late, somewhat distracted.

"Yeah, but it hurt my throat!"

"Yeah well, you're talking to the woman who sang through vocal nodules for months. Plus, you know, whatever overexertion that she was doing to get them in the first place."

"It's true. I did."

"Okay so, I was thinking that we could start the whole song off really fast and hard, you know, like doom, doom, chick, doom, doom, chick, wiccka, yeah!" Beca let her hands bounce simulating the beat. "A lot of synth and clap. I mean, that's what we have now but I want it smooth, you know? Slinky."

"Okay but,"

Chloe smiled, pulling away to sit on the couch across the studio. She knew that she couldn't really help here but she didn't want to leave the enthusiastic bubble of the room; the energy felt wonderful.

She didn't mean to but she had sprawled out, comfortable and happy to be with them.

 

"YES!"

Chloe yelped awake.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Chloe!" Emily cried, her hands covering her grin.

"What?" She blinked, groggy. Damn it! She had freaking fallen asleep again! She knew it was because she hadn't been as strict with her cardio and yoga routine. She knew it. She was always a little more tired when she didn't do it. She was just so tired! "No, that's okay! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep! Again."

Beca had her back to her, softly beating out music on the live controller, "Ugh!" she cried, "This is great this is fucking great. Jesus, we make such a good team, Em. Dude, I don't even know if I can be doing this. Like, I think I'm supposed to prove that I can be a one-man show. I don't even know if we can be working on it at all. But this is fucking great."

Chloe grinned to herself, wondering a bit if this was exactly what Beca was supposed to be doing; finding her own way without the help of anyone in P.J.'s studio. She knew that Beca thought P.J. was getting ready to fire her but Chloe had her own ideas about where her future with 'Moment One' was heading.

"But it's fun! I forgot how much fun!"

"I know, right? I dunno, I'll talk to P.J. when I go in today."

"You think he will let us collaborate again? O.M.G. do you think he will?"

"Honestly, I don't know, Em." Beca stood up and stretched. "You alright, Chlo?"

"Of course I am!"

"Legacy's really got you sleepy over the last little bit."

"I know, I'm sorry. It can't be fun to be around." Chloe flopped onto her back and rubbed her stomach, "I need to get back to yoga. I haven't done it all week. It's worse when I don't."

Emily frowned, looking between them, "Wait, what did I do?"

"Oh you didn't hear?" Beca asked, casually, cleaning up her things, "You're not the legacy anymore. You've been promoted, kid."

"What?"

Chloe rolled her eyes but she couldn't even pretend to be annoyed, she loved the nickname and the fact that it was Beca who had come up with it far too much for that, "Beca thinks it's a girl and therefore, she will be a legacy because her mom and her aunt were both Bellas." She pulled herself up and decided she would go for a run, she needed a run. She needed to get energized.

"I still don't-what? Who?"

"The baby, doofus." Beca finally teased.

" _What baby_?"

"Oh!" Chloe realized, suddenly shy, "She wasn't there when I came out of the bathroom, Bec. She was on the phone, remember? She didn’t hear."

"Chloe's pregnant, dude."

" _What_?" Emily almost fell backward out of her chair, her stylish boots flailing so badly that Chloe nearly reached out to steady her, "You are? Oh my god! You're kidding!" She let out a high-pitched, excited squeal, her hands shaking in tight balls as she bounced in place, "May I? Oh, unless that's weird for you. Is that weird? Never mind, that was totally weird, I'm sorry. Spazzoid."

"No, no, go ahead." She had been used to this before, baby bump or no, the moment everyone found out that you were pregnant they wanted to touch your stomach. She had loved it with the first pregnancy and hated it with the rest but she found now, with Emily's hands on her, she didn't mind.

"Oh, you have the cutest little bump!"

"What?" Both Beca and Chloe cried, Chloe's hands going to her stomach just as Beca's did too, the three pairs creating a ring.

"Oh my goodness, for a second there!" She took a deep breath, surprised by how hard her heart was beating. She wasn't showing, yeah, she had gained a pound or two recently but she wasn't showing. She watched Beca palm her stomach, feeling around. "There's nothing there, Bec."

But Beca was beaming, her hand flat just below her belly button.

"How far are you along?"

"Twelve weeks."

"And some change," Beca added.

"Oh my god, a baby Bella!"

"Maybe." She ran her hand down her stomach, "Don't get too excited, Emily, it's probably best not to get attached."

"But uh,"

"Oh crap, is that the time? Shit, I have to go!" Beca cried, jumping up and ripping them from their little bubble. "I have a meeting with P.J."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I need to give over everything that I've been working on with EZ."

"Oh, Bec!"

"No, I'm good."

"Oh!" Chloe frowned, "Okay."

"Errr, I think I'll be back by dinner."

"Really?"

"Yeah, don't get used to it, though. My schedule will get crazy again." She grabbed her jacket from the couch and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before she was gone.

Chloe watched her go, trying not to pout. She hated watching her leave. Then again, she supposed that would get easier when she had a job she was going to every day too, wouldn't it? Then again, by then she would be in her own apartment.

Her own apartment.

She scowled at nothing.

She probably needed to think about that soon, didn't she? The problem was it was kind of terrifying. It had gone so poorly last time. She had no idea, that was the issue.

"Hmm, hey Em,"

"Yeah?" the girl had planted herself back at the desk, scribbling on a piece of paper, thinking.

"How well do you know L.A.?"

 

* * *

  

They had - a really amazing morning. Chloe wasn't all that surprised by this, Emily was amazing, but they had made breakfast together and then sat at the island, laughing first about Bellas' stories of old and then on to other topics. Then, very much to Chloe's surprise, Emily joined her for her yoga, not exactly good at it but willing to try and fail over and over again. It was a quality she really respected in her. When they were through with that, they had a light lunch, discussing the neighborhoods of L.A. before finally pulling out Chloe's computer and looking at apartment finding websites.

Somehow Emily's cool, clear enthusiasm kept away the worry.

"What about West Los Angeles? I mean, how close do you want to be to Beca?"

"I don't know," Chloe frowned, "where is Beca?" They had pulled out a large map of all of the city's neighborhoods and boroughs, something Chloe was finding extremely helpful.

"Well, it's complicated because where we are now is Century City so she's kind of in both Beverly Hills and Westwood but if you look over here, yeah to this area, the apartments aren't bad."

Chloe scooted in a little closer, enjoying the simple sisterly contact of Emily by her side and typed 'West Los Angeles' into the search bar, "Oh these look okay! Well, I mean, they're terrifying, everything is so small for so much but it doesn't look like I might get shot which is really a plus!"

"Yeah, it's not so bad, especially if you're going to raise a kid but you don't want to be too far from Beca."

"What about this one?"

Emily laughed, "I think she'll have a heart attack if you move in there. Look at it! I think it's a renovated Motel 6. Yeah, look at the picture of the pool."

"Oooh. Maybe not."

"So uh," She could feel a sudden shift of tension in Emily's body, "totally cool if you don't want to answer and everything but uh, yea, why don't you just, you know, stay here? I mean, have you seen this place? It has like four or five freaking rooms. You could easily stay here -  _with_  Beca instead of  _near_ Beca."

Chloe chewed her lip, her head falling to the back of the couch, "I know I could if I wanted to but the thing is, Beca and I aren't _together_. It wouldn't be right. If I have this baby then, well, wherever we are will be a hard place to be. Babies don't sleep through the night and I'll be gross and there will be baby stuff everywhere. It's not okay to invade this place like that. This is her bachelor pad. Plus,” she gave a small shrug, “I would love a little place of my own. It's been so long since I had one."

She watched Emily's mouth open slowly, her eyes showing careful caution and then her face cleared, obviously choosing to go down another path, "Where were you living when you were here before?"

"Sun Valley. Which is why I need help with all of these areas!" She could feel that Emily had more questions but, polite as ever, Emily refrained. "Oh my god, look at this one! It's so cute! Look at those windows! It looks like a little cabin!"

"It's tiny!"

"I know, but it will only be the two of us. What's a bungalow?"

"It looks like a large tool shed with window treatments."

Chloe bit her lip, laughing.

The front door flew open with a smack, making them both jump, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Beca came streaming in, sweating as though she had run from the office. "I have to call Emily! Fuck, I have to call Emily!"

"Call her!" Emily cried.

Beca rounded into the living room, surprised, and then laughed, cupping her hands around her mouth "Okay, 'Emiiiiily!'"

"Hello!" Emily called back and the two broke apart into giggles, amused at their own bad joke.

"Oh my god, you two!" But Chloe was grinning as she clicked the 'contact me' button and wrote out a quick email requesting a phone call about the apartment.

"So. Em. Guess fucking what."

"Ewwwww - what's fucking what?"

"Dude! Lame!"

"Shut up, you started it!"

"Dude, you shut up." Whatever news Beca had it was making her silly and it was infectious.

 

"You shut up with the shutting up!" Emily grinned.

"Dude. Shut up. I can hire you."

" _What_ _?_ "

"I can fucking god damn hire you to help me write this song! I just walked in and told P.J. I was hiring you as a lyricist and he was like 'kay'. That's it, just 'kay'. Pretty sure he just wanted me to prove I could get my own team together or some other Mr. Miyagi shit."

Chloe swallowed down a smug grin; she knew it.

"Sooo be my lyricist?"

"So wait!" Emily cried halfway up from the couch, "I can write for you again?"

"YES!"

"OHMYGOD!"

"But dude,"

"What?"

"We need to work so fucking fast that it's not even funny."

 

Beca and Emily went into work mode for the next few days after that; hiding away upstairs and only coming down for meals and  _sometimes_ to sleep. Chloe had gone up before she was heading to bed that night to find both Beca and Emily passed out on the studio couch, Beca with a pencil behind her ear and the live controller unplugged and on her stomach and Emily with a pencil in hand and a notepad on her thighs.

They were working like maniacs.

Chloe didn't mind so much, she had her own things on her mind. She had loved that little apartment and while she was still waiting for a reply, she found it had been just enough incentive to get her going and she was looking thoroughly now, pouring through site after site and only mildly panicked. She had also begun to look into the paperwork she needed to complete her transfer. She was pleased with all of this but she found that at random she would grow frustrated, perhaps a little more frustrated than was necessary. She just wanted to know if she was having this baby or not! If she was then she needed a two bedroom, if she wasn't then she could find a studio somewhere for now. Should she begin looking for a job, knowing that even if she got one she might pop before end of the year testing?

She was beginning to believe in her chances, she was beginning to wonder - but she just wanted to  _know_. And that wasn't like her, she was more of a 'hope until it's true' type of woman. It was strange for her to feel so hesitant, so untrusting. But she couldn't - she couldn't hope again. She couldn't do that. She couldn’t live through another Raleigh.

Chloe had also gone back to her usual routine over the next few days and it helped. She took the medicine at night, woke up and did her yoga, ran, read, sang, danced, looked into her future. It was good, she liked it and as one day turned into another she began to see this as her vacation, her last hurrah before she began her new life which she knew, baby or not, would not be easy.

They both were really busy, and yet as the week drew to a close and Chloe was rounding in on her thirteenth week, the medicine began to really work and the exercise was making her feel more like herself - Chloe was finding that she missed Beca more and more. Beca had apologized over and over again the last few days, promising that as soon as she was passed the creating stage then song things would settle again. Chloe understood completely, it had in fact only been a few days and she wasn't upset but though they shared Beca's bed at night, Chloe was seeing even less of her than normal. Beca came to bed long after Chloe was asleep and was out of it before Chloe even woke.  
She was starting to have some quite lively fantasies that seemed to hit her throughout the day at random, thoughts of Beca's lips on hers, Beca's hands on her body. By the final day of the writing process, she woke with her skin alight from her thoughts and wishing that she could simply march upstairs and take what she needed.

Which - she could - she knew she could but Beca was  _working_.

The problem was, alive, hardworking, badass Beca, it made her twitch in a way she had only just started to discover before Aubrey showed up; twitch in a way she kind of loved.

They weren't a couple.

They didn't need to make time out of their schedules for intimacy.

They didn't!

But oh god, Chloe wanted to.

Finally, that a night she was woken by the strange metallic hiss of the bedroom door being opened. She had no idea what time it was but she heard Beca's clothes drop to the floor and a long groan as she crawled under the covers, her face resting against Chloe's back.

"Oooh, baby, it's so late. You're going to be so tired tomorrow."

"I know." Beca yawned, "But it's done. We finished the first, errm, draft. We can start recording it."

"That's amazing, Bec! Who-" but she stopped when she heard a small snore from behind her.

 

Apparently Beca's promises that her crazy hours were just part of this process were correct because the next morning after Chloe's usual run Beca was there, sitting in the kitchen looking bleary-eyed and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Heeeey!" Chloe grinned, kissing her temple, "I haven't seen you down here in a few days. Where's Emily?"

"I know, I'm sorry. She's at home, I told her to stay and sleep. I'll call her when I need to tweak some stuff. I know we had to kind of work like crazy if I wanted enough time to record it and mix it. I'm freaking tired. How was your workout?"

"Good, though I think I need to start doing it inside. It's cold!"

"Yeah, it does that. So listen."

Chloe's eyebrows shot up. Suddenly it was her Bella co-captain sitting there instead of Beca, her lips pursed, her fingers steepled around the cup. She had started sentences that way so many times: 'so listen, do you remember that game paddy cake?' 'so listen, I think we need sequin pants', 'So listen, DSM is gonna kick our ass unless-' ‘so listen, how much do you think it would be to fly 50 Bella alum to Denmark’...

"I was thinking."

"Uh huh?"

"How would you feel about recording the song for the demo? We're calling it 'Jungle Gym' by the way."

She frowned, taking a second to smell the french press and wish, "What do you mean?"

"Like sing. Emily's voice is great. I love it, like  _love_  it, but it's so sweet. You were right, we need something edgier. I mean, your voice is just as sweet honestly, but you can get - edgy." Beca gave her a suggestive grin from behind her coffee mug.

Chloe blinked, her brain working slowly, "You want me to sing? As in - vocals - for the demo?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's no big deal really but-"

"What?!"

"Whoa!" Beca cried as Chloe let out an excited screech.

"That's totally a huge deal! Oh my god! Oh my god! Like sing - in that little booth - with a mic and you outside doing your thang?"

"Uuuuh, yeah, basically."

"Oh my god!" Chloe threw her arms around her, "That would be so much fun! Oh my god!"

"So I take that as a yes?"

"Are you  _kidding_  me?"

"Chloe, not a lot of people will hear it. I mean, the artist who buys it just needs to hear a good sample of what it can sound like, so the only people who will hear you will be us, P.J. and, dear fuck let's fucking hope, Kendra."

She just nodded. Be a  _part_  of what Beca was doing? Any time, any day, yes! Plus she got to sing! "When do you want to get started?"

"Well, um, do you need to shower?"

"Today? You want to do it today?"

"Uh yeah, why not?"

 

She felt like a kid on Christmas morning as she showered, rushing through the task as best she could.

"Wow, that was quick!" Beca grinned at her as she came up the stairs.

"I was excited. That's not weird is it? Don't make it weird."

Beca's grin grew.

"Is that the track?"

"Mmhmm."

"Can I hear it?"

"Totally." Beca held out her headphones.

Chloe took them and instantly the smooth beat and clap filled her senses. Her head swayed; this was good. Really good. "Bec, you're so good at what you do! All of this just from that one sentence I gave you?"

"That's kind of how it works!" Beca yelled, pulling one side of the headphones away.

"I'm glad I thought of it then!" She gave her a wink and seeing Beca reclined behind her, Chloe casually flopped down, placing herself easily in Beca's lap and scooting so that her butt was beside her legs and her legs could toss over the opposite arm. "Okay so," she felt herself click into a different mode then, picking up the lyrics and glancing over them as the beat continued, "Will you sing this for me?" She could read the roughly written out music but Beca hadn't sung anything for her in a while.

"Right yeah, totally." Beca wrapped a hand around Chloe's thighs, holding her in place and pulled the headphones off, "Will you unplug that?"

Chloe listened with full concentration as Beca's voice worked through the drops and dips, trying hard not to smile when Beca caught her eye and flushed and rolled her eyes a little bit. "Yay, I love your voice, you know that?" Chloe sighed when she was done.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Beale, get to work."

"Should I run through it a few times? How long do I have?"

"Uh, take your time. The more you learn it the better it is."

"Can I have a few hours?” She had done this all the time when they were Bellas. Since she was the one who had focused on the choreography it meant that she needed to know the song five times faster than everyone else.

"Of course. Go do that weird pacing thing that you do."

Chloe rolled her eyes, "Can I stay here?"

"Sure," Beca smirked, holding a little tighter to her thighs.

She tried to focus then, reading over the words, memorizing them but what she found herself focusing on instead was the feeling of Beca's thumb lightly stroking as she listened to the track, jotting down notes. Eventually she had to give it up, standing and pacing back and forth as Beca had predicted, her feet matching the beat as she let her head bob and snap.

They ordered in for lunch, each lost in their own world as they ate and by dinnertime Chloe was confident that she could give it a try.

"You sure? You can't have paper in there."

"Can we, I don't know, blow it up and tape it to the window?"

"Sure."

They spent a little while goofing off then, trying to deal with the printer.

"No not there! I want to be able to see you."

Beca rolled her eyes but did as she was told, an embarrassed smile on her face.

"Okay," Beca nodded, "how this works-" she paused, grabbing Chloe by the hips and teasingly walking her into the isolation booth.

"Hey!"

"Okay, so what you're gonna do is put these on."

"Okay."

"And then I'm going to be out there."

"Okay."

"And you're going to sing."

"Okay." Chloe bit her lip, amused.

"And then you're going to hear through those."

"Okay."

"Great."

"Awesome."

"I'm going to kiss you now because you're very cute."

She felt a smile crack, "Okay."

The kiss was fast, purposely fast as though Beca knew if she lingered too long she would - linger too long.

"So your stomach feeling better then, yeah?"

"Oh yeah, loads."

"That's – that's good. Because for a minute there you couldn't handle being kissed - like at all."

"I'm sorry. Do you want one more for the road?"

"Uh, yes please."

"Okay, come here then."

Beca did, all sunshine-y grins.

Mmm, she had forgotten how much she liked this; the way their lips fit, even in a kiss as chaste as this one. She let her hand trail lightly over Beca's jaw and heard a small grunt of satisfaction.

"Right and - err, right." Beca jerkily turned in a circle twice, as if she wasn’t sure where the door was and then wobbling ever so slightly she started toward it, "I'm uh, I'll be the one out there."

"Right there?"

"That's right, in that chair."

"Oh, that one? Okay."

"Shut up."

Chloe laughed again.

"Right." Beca flopped down in the chair activating the mic, "So I think let's sing through it a few times and then we'll start recording if you feel comfortable, okay? This doesn't have to be perfect or anything."

"Okay."

It felt so strange, so official as she pushed her free ear back into the monitors. "I never thought I would do this!"

"Well, just have fun for a few minutes. Oh come on, I know you. I _know_ you want to."

"Okay!" So Chloe did, letting her voice trail and flip, bouncing in front of the mic until she got it out of her system.

"Okay. Ready?"

The sound of the music flooded her ears and she began to sing.

And she found it was easy.

Perhaps it was all the Bellas performances.

If she was tentative at all at first it was just for a moment before she absolutely lost herself, checking the printed sheets every now and then but honestly trying not to because when she did she found Beca's eyes on her and - that was distracting, usually leading to an 'oh shit wait' or something along those lines and each time Beca's amused grin grew.

"Okay, this sounds great, really great. I knew I made the right decision." Beca said, after the first few times through; slightly distracted as she chewed the end of her pen.

Chloe beamed, proudly.

"How do you feel about recording? Don't worry too much because I can piece things together, so it doesn't need to be perfect."

Chloe shrugged, "I'm not worried." She had complete faith in their ability to work together when it came to anything music related – or – anything, really.

"'Kay, hold on a second." Beca came into the booth, her eyebrows drawn tight in concentration as she fiddled with the mic, adjusting the height. "This could sound better if we were at the studio but oh well, I think we'll be okay."

"It's better we're not at the studio."

"Hmm?"

"Well, you  _are_  in your pajamas. That is a definite benefit."

"Touché."

"Plus, then I couldn't do this." Chloe pulled her in, giving her a resounding kiss so sudden that Beca let out an untamed girlish little giggle.

"Oh god!" Beca groaned, covering her suddenly inflamed face, "That was so lame! Stop looking at me! I did not just do that."

"But I liked it!"

"Nooope. Not okay."

But she  _had_  liked it; the surprised struck-stupid look on Beca’s face had been far too alluring. She nudged at the bottom of the hands covering Beca's face until they moved enough for her to take her lips again.

Oh noooo, that delicious tight ache in her lower belly caught fire and before she knew what she was doing she was pulling Beca in closer, parting her lips so she could brush lightly against her tongue.

Beca needed to get this track done, she  _had_  to. Stop, Chloe, stop!

Instead, she let her hand slide under the back of Beca's shirt, pressing it flat against the small of her back, reaching further. She could feel Beca's hesitance, her knowledge that if she gave into this they would be distracted completely and it frustrated her. She gave a little annoyed groan, her hand closing on Beca's back so her nails scratched across her skin. She felt Beca's breath hiss, puffing fast against her face and then Beca was kissing her back, her hands unable to find where they wanted to settle in her fury, first wrapping in her hair then sliding down her arms, then up her spine.

" _Oh!_ " Chloe pulled away hard, their lips disconnecting with a pop.

"Right!" Beca huffed, "Supposed to be- err -  _damn_   _it_." She turned on her heels and marched from the room, her lips and ears flushed. "Ready?" She barked but Chloe shook her head, waving her hands and trying to catch her breath. "Damn it!" Beca cried again, watching her lightly bounce back and forth.

"Wait, are you  _mad_ _?_ "

"No!" Beca pulled her legs under her in the chair, her face falling into a pout, "I'm - other things."

Chloe let out a long sigh, that wonderful tension doubling. They had to go to bed sometime tonight? Right? Get through this and then she would  _make_  it bed time.

"Okay." she huffed again, "I'm good. Let's go."

The feeling in the pit of herself only helped the song, honestly. They began again and she sang her heart out in the way she had always loved.

"Damn, okay try taking like half a step back from the mic."

"Okay like this?"

"Um, I'm not sure, give it a go."

 

 

She only got through a few bars before Beca's voice came again, surprisingly shallow and raspy, " _Dude_ you gotta - you gotta stop."

"What?" Chloe frowned; why was Beca's face all funky like that? She looked like someone had just jabbed her in the eye with a hot poker.

Beca’s fingers flexed in the air, as though she was trying to grab the words that didn’t want to come out. "Stop the dancing - have to stop - the dancing - I can't concentrate. I'm supposed to be doing this but you're saying like -  _really_  inappropriate things and I can't even - do the - button pushing - stuff right now."

She grinned, sucking lightly on her bottom lip, "I'm _distracting_ you?"

"I'm only human!"

"What's distracting you, Bec?" She asked, bouncing in place and teasingly wiggling, pleased with the way Beca's eyes followed her every movement.

"Stopit!"

Chloe just laughed.

 

But now that she knew - she kind of couldn't stop it. She could feel Beca's eyes on her hips, on her thighs and it was driving her wild. She wanted to stay still, to sing the song and all of that but she couldn't.

"Oh mygod, Chloe! What are you doing to me? Stahp!"

"What's wrong, Bec?" She asked during a musical interlude, hiding her mirth behind an innocent look of concern.

"I just can't even-oh my god, what the-auuuugh-"

Her obvious frustration only fueled Chloe's fire, enjoying the way Beca chewed her bottom lip as she let her whole body roll. She got to the chorus and watched Beca's face fall slack as she hooked her thumbs in the tops of her stretchy yoga pants, slowly rocking and swaying her hips as though any second they were going to fall to the floor.  
Biting the inside of her cheek she turned, letting her butt pop a few times, enjoying the fact that Beca had gone silent. She swayed, scooting her pants down ever so slightly so they were just below her hipbones, just past the line of appropriate. Her hands ran up her stomach, pulling her shirt with it as she rolled, popping and gyrating. Maybe she  _should_ take something off and give Beca a little bit of a show.  
The problem was that each teasing move filled her with her own fire, building her own desire drop by drop. There was nothing quite as stirring as knowing how Beca was feeling; knowing it was what she was doing to her.

Too long, it had been too long. She couldn't concentrate. She could feel her eyes on her like a caress, making her heart rate pick up, making her skin tingle.

She tossed her hair over her shoulder, ready to give her a wink before actually getting serious - their  _bedtime_  was calling - but Beca wasn't in the chair.

She frowned, her dancing stopping as she looked around, "Um-"

Beca was coming through the door, her face serious.

"Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Chloe laughed, already backing away from whatever revenge Beca was here to get, "I'll behave, I'll be good!" She braced, ready to run, ready to jump on her depending on what the situation would require.

" _Now?_ Now you want to behave? Now that I'm here? You're an asshole, you know that, right?" Beca growled as she began to pull her long hair up into a messy bun.

The sight sent a jolt through her belly, remembering that bun. It was funny, but she had seen it a million times before. It had never been anything special, just a casual way for Beca to keep her hair from her face while dancing or studying…but now...

Chloe let out a laugh, about to tease back, to tickle, maybe dance some more but she ran out of time. Beca was there, everywhere. She felt herself jerked by the back of her neck and their lips connected; Beca's mouth almost bruising, her grip on her waist tight. Chloe whimpered out a long hot sound, her own version of the embarrassing little giggle Beca had made and she would have flushed, would have said something but Beca was pressing her backward so fast that she wasn't sure she was going to stay upright. They tripped a bit over the chair behind them, having to navigate around it, laughing against the other's lips.

She hit the wall with a cry, sensations exploding as she pulled Beca in by the shirt, her back arching just so more of her could press against Beca. Her mouth popped open, chuckling but Beca didn't seem to mind, brushing her lips against her smile, softly licking across her bottom lip before she gave a little breathless, almost disbelieving laugh of her own. The little laugh did wonders to Chloe's head, making her pull her in by the neck.

Kissing should always include laughter. She was sure of that.

All she could feel was the brush of Beca's tongue, the way that it dipped deep, pulling with its inward curl sounds that she hadn't known she could make. She loved the way that Beca's body pressed into hers; the way her hands moved selfishly, cupping her breasts, squeezing her ass not because it felt _amazing_ for Chloe but because _Beca_ needed it. It turned everything within her to liquid.

She knew they were supposed to be working, she knew they had very little time and the longer they took the longer before they could get into bed - but why put off for bed what she could do right now?  
Her hands snaked under Beca's shirt, pulling it over her head so fast that Beca yelped and then her lips found the soft skin of Beca's shoulder, her neck, her lips, sucking on her lip studs until she heard a loud keen, one that was answered with her own as Beca pressed a thigh into her.

"Mmm, Bec," She cried, her hand reaching to unclasp Beca's bra as Beca pulled off her shirt and reached down, pulling one of Chloe's thighs up, giving herself better placement. "Oh! I missed you!"

Beca gave a little grunt, lost in Chloe's throat, her kisses softening for a moment as she whispered, "I missed you too, baby. Come here."

Okay, okay, maybe she understood the whole 'baby' thing now. The word hit her stomach, stirring a feeling of possession that made her whimper and press into her. Beca's response was a powerful, pressing kiss that made Chloe's knees weak.

The bra finally fell to the floor and Chloe didn't waste any time, wanting to feel her skin under her hand, pulling her in.

Beca let out a cough and a snort, "Ugh, your hair just went up my nose!" She stopped, wiping at her face. "Gah, it's everywhere! Why - always - every -where -"

Chloe chuckled, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her close and teasingly shook her lions made of red, making Beca splutter some more and laugh. Chloe's smile ghosted over Beca's bare shoulder, her lips working down Beca's chest, listening to Beca's private chuckle and waiting for it to turn into a whimper. Only, suddenly her hands were above her head, Beca's body rolling hard once and everything went hazy. Beca's hands pressed and Chloe understood, turning her palms so they were sandwiched between two of the pads along the wall, holding them up.

"But Bec." She cried out as she felt hands slip under her bra, pushing it away as a soft chuckle floated from Beca.

"Ohgod, what's funny?" She tried to keep still but she couldn't, her hips bucking against the thigh as Beca's lips closed around the light pink of her nipple.

"This." She felt her tongue curl and Chloe was moaning again; gasping as little 'oh's' and 'aaahhs' fell from her lips. "And it's not funny, it's drool-worthy."

Her hands came down of their own accord, closing tightly in Beca's hair, holding her to her, pulling her in so that she was pressed against her, giving her a moment of relief from the mounting sensations in her lower belly. "Oh! Oh, _aaaah_ , do that again."

Her mouth popped open, alarmed by what came out as Beca knowingly moved. Oh, she needed more. She needed more of her.

She held tight to her as Beca peppered kisses and tiny bites up her neck to her jaw, settling on her ear, bringing Chloe up to her toes with a particularly strong roll of her thigh.

"Chloe?" Beca's voice was small, timid.

"Hmm?" Even that closed mouth response came out unsteady, desperate.

" _I want to fuck you_."

The words slammed into her like liquor. Her hands closed tight on Beca's shoulders, her head swam, and for a moment she couldn't get enough air; she gasped, her breath hitching again and again. The quiet assurance in Beca's voice did amazing things to her body and even better things to her mind. Chloe had a freak side, anyone who had slept with her for very long knew she did, but Beca - oh god, she had never said anything like that before. Her body gave another roll and Chloe cried out, her face falling so that they were cheek to cheek, her fingers digging into Beca's hair.

Then a small, less sure _"Is that okay?"_ brushed past her ear and she was a puddle.

She nodded fast, her arms closing around her; she wanted to respond but she couldn't seem to form words of any kind, especially when she felt Beca's feather light fingers slide into her pants, gently touching her.

Beca let out a high, choking whimper.

"Oh shit, Bec, oh god, oh, Beca,"

She felt another little laugh rumble through Beca's throat and furiously sucked it away, latching on to silence herself as she felt Beca roll into her, sliding, pressing.

Oh god, oh goodness, she was good at this, how was she so good at this?

She didn't know, and right now she didn't care, all she cared about was Beca, her little grunts, her moans, the way she was making her feel. "More. Harder."

This feeling wasn't the same as it had been with Nick, this sense of being filled. She didn't think she could ever get enough of it, being filled by Beca in this way. _By Beca_ \- she felt a long deep moan float from somewhere inside of her at the thought, this was Beca moving this way inside of her, _her_ Bec. Oh god.

Beca let out a shutter and moved fast, bouncing them, slamming them.

"Oh god Bec, my - my -" she pulled her face back to hers, kissing her with everything she had, her hand cupping her jaw, caressing her cheeks, her eyebrows, the side of her lips.

It was always too much in all the right ways.

Her fingers fumbled for a moment at the waist of Beca's sweats. She just wanted to feel her, to be connected more than they already were. She slid down into Beca's arousal and nearly came undone. She loved this effect, this physical response that Beca gave her. It was so flattering, so touching that she had been able to do this to Beca's body. She loved it. "Oh shit," She squeaked, opening her eyes and focusing hard on the opposite wall, trying to push away the impending wave. "Baby, you're so," she gasped in wonder instead of finishing her sentence, her face falling back to Beca's neck.

The response was low, so soft that Chloe felt the rumble of it from Beca's throat more than she heard it, so soft that she was sure Beca hadn't even realized she had said it out loud, "That's what you do to me."

 _Oh god_. "Beca-"

"Don't come for me yet, Chloe."

She wanted to laugh, her head rolling back to the wall. She wasn't sure she had a lot of choice about that. "What? Why?"

"Because I don't want you to yet."

She felt Beca lean down, taking the most sensitive part of her breast into her mouth and her body jerked; rising. "Bec, I can't – I,"

Beca paused, making Chloe sob out a cry but all she did was pull the chair from behind them, hooking Chloe's thigh over her own and resting her foot on the bottom foot hold. She felt Beca's free hand, forceful, speaking for her, pressing Chloe's fingers against herself.

For just a moment Chloe felt an overwhelming sense of worry, "I don't - I don't know if I know how like this." She chewed her lip, feeling her inexperience. It was rare – she had been able to intuit most of this but - "The angle…"

"Please." Beca pressed her fingers again and Chloe felt everything turn upside down, Beca's passion hitting her hard. She grit her teeth, stifling the sound that wanted to pull from her lower belly as she surrounded herself in Beca, letting their moans intertwine.

Magic.

She stroked, watching Beca's face, "Like this?"

"Mmm," Beca nodded, moving in such a way that told Chloe to copy her.

"Like that?"

"Yeah." Beca nodded fast, her lips parting, her flicking gunmetal-blue eyes turning to midnight. "Yeah, that's good, Chloe." She caught her in a kiss, the kind of kiss that made Chloe's equilibrium tip; her center of gravity becoming the lips connected to hers.

Chloe let out a whimper, when Beca released her from the kiss and held on to her tight. "I love touching you like this."

She held her tight as she let her pace match Beca's, breathing in her skin, leaving sloppy, open mouth kisses up and down her throat, holding so tight to the shore because Beca had asked her to.

It became harder and harder with each move, each stroke, each sound.

"Fucking shit, ohmygod, Chloe, fuck!"

She didn't know what she was doing, not really, but she pulled and pressed, copying Beca; breathing deeply, purposefully slow but she could feel each twitch in Beca's body, each spasm and clench. "Talk to me. Talk to me, baby."

"Nu - now - I'm - shit! FUCK!" Beca cried into Chloe's throat, her whole body pressing, burying herself, and that was all Chloe could take. She felt Beca begin to shake and she drifted away with her, holding her close, spinning.

"Oh god, Bec, I lo-, fucking I lov, I lo-" she felt Beca's lips close on hers, sloppy and hard but she didn't care. She rose and rose, her hands clutching tightly to Beca, who held her to the ground as it continued on and on and on. She felt Beca sag against her, spent, but she just held tight, her muscles on the verge of cramping as she rolled through her orgasm.

"Jesus, Chlo."

"I can't- I can't sto-" she let out a final wail into Beca's neck and came crashing back down, swearing.

Chloe went limp, unsure if she could hold them up.

Oh! Nope, they laughed as together they slid to the floor, a tangle of arms and legs.

"That was your fault, you know!" Chloe gasped when she could get her voice back.

"I'm a rock star apparently then. That was really freaking long."

"Yeah you are." Chloe chuckled, kissing her thoroughly, languidly allowing herself to brush against her, tasting her, taking her in.

"You were - loud. Like really fucking loud."

"Was I?"

"You couldn't tell?"

"I was a little distracted."

 

Beca let out a satisfied little hum and pulled her back in for another searching kiss.

"This is another benefit to being at home." Chloe chuckled, finally pulling off her bra which was stuck around her armpits and let Beca cuddle into her chest. "Can I just stay like this for the rest of the song?"

"Sure," Beca laughed, kissing down her chest, "if you want to just keep repeating this over and over."

"Mmm, yes please."

Beca grinned, reaching up and tracing her top lip, "Hmm, I love the way your lips do that."

"Do what?"

"I don't know. Your top lip kind of goes up in the middle. Right there. Sometimes."

"It does?" Chloe frowned, covering her lips with her palm.

"Don't misunderstand me, I like it. I always have. It used to distract me all of the time in Bellas rehearsals. Do you remember when Flo was trying to teach me how to do a flip?"

"Oh god!" Chloe cried, "You almost broke your ankle, I told you it wasn't that easy!"

"Well, it could have been! But you kinda turned around and looked at me right when I was about to jump and your lip did the thing." Beca blinked for a second, seeming to realize what she had just said, "I didn't just admit that, did I?"

"You almost broke your leg – before the Kennedy Center thing – before the  _president_ \- because you were looking at my  _lips_?"

"No!" Beca cried, hiding her face, "I just - really like your lips."

"Oh my god, Beca!"

"Shutupshutup!"

Chloe let out a low sound of pleasure from her chest, "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had just kissed me?"

"I uh, I actively try not to, cuz, yeah."

Chloe chuckled and took her lip then, nibbling lightly on the bottom. "I almost did once."

"What?" But the word came out muffled as Chloe had taken her lip again, refusing to let it go, watching the way that Beca's eyes half rolled when she sucked.

"Ummhmm, we were at a Treble party and I was playing Truth or Dare with Stacie and Cynthia Rose." She watched Beca's stunned face, "They dared me to walk up and make out with you. Something about you being particularly….prickly…that week. I can’t remember.”

" _And you didn't do it?_ "

Chloe's face twisted, remembering her heart pounding as she had started across the floor toward Beca, "No, I lost my nerve. I got about halfway to you and you looked back at me. You were laughing and I,” She shook her head a bit, “I made out with Stacie instead."

"Oh my god, I remember that! I remember seeing it! The twenty-one year old in me is still pissed."

"Really? Even now?" Chloe trailed a finger under Beca's jaw, giving her the best kiss she could to make up for her lapse in judgment so many years ago. But just like so many other of their kisses, one kiss turned into another and soon Chloe was holding Beca to her, listening to Beca's soft cries into her chest as she touched her, as she brought her to climax again there on the booth's floor.

 

They did finish the song that night, they did. It just wasn't until very late and by that point they were both so spent that it was impressive anything was done at all.

They fell into bed with twin groans, sharing a few kisses before falling into a deep, content sleep.

 

Chloe woke late the next morning, slightly sore but happier than she could ever remember; she loved this simple, basic happiness. Beca wasn't in bed beside her but that didn't surprise her, not with a song to mix and edit.

She got up and pulled on her workout clothes, making quick work of a snack before going down to the second floor. Her body ached and groaned as she descended the many flights of stairs, her muscles the best kind of sore; the kind that made her feel alive and slightly aroused.

She couldn't help but to remember the night before as she pressed, warming up, letting her back bow toward her knees until her stomach and her thighs were flush, delighting in the resistance, in the pull. It had been different the night before; less cautious...Beca had been less cautious.

She walked her hands forward, following with one angled foot, tensing and releasing as she spread, her arms coming up and out as she settled into a comfortable second Warrior.

She didn't know if Beca previously had been slightly afraid to  _take_  her or if she had just been trying to be respectful but Beca's unbridled passions had been…she moaned as she stretched her arm down, twisted her body to the side and opened her chest into an extended triangle.

And she was always surprised by her own actions, by the things she said and did when Beca touched her that way, by the confidence that Beca gave her. She had never been shy, she had always been confident; confident about her voice, confident about her talent, about her body.

She walked her now mat bound hands to the side so she could press her body flush against her triangled right leg, taking a few deep meditative breaths. She sighed, peacefully happy as she went up on her toes for a second before bringing her left leg up and into a standing split, crooking her elbow behind her leg to keep it languidly in place.

But Beca - she had made her confident in her ability to touch her the night before. Her eyes closed as she planted her hands and brought her other leg up over her head, balancing into a split handstand. She focused for a moment, looking for the comfortable balancing spot and settled in, releasing a long breath. She remembered the way she had felt when Beca had gone rigid the night before, when she had felt her close around her fingers. She moaned, her face pressing into her arm. And the length of her own, the intensity of the orgasm – unprecedented. She moaned again and slid down into a plank, her muscles humming approvingly.

The night before had been amazing and she couldn't wait to do it again.

Soon, please, she thought, humming with satisfaction as she planted her forearms in the mat and sprang back up, her legs high over her head and slowly pulled in, crossing them midair into an inverted lotus and biting her lip. Very soon.

 

She felt great as she climbed the flights of stairs back up to the condo, her breath coming fast by the time that she reached level twenty. She felt warm and stretched, her sore muscles worked out. She decided to make a large breakfast as she let herself in, her stomach beginning to rumble threateningly.

She worked fast, worried about the impending nausea and then ate as she carried a second plate up for Beca.

"Oh my god, that smells awesome, I'm so hungry."

"Good!" She spent a second beside her, leaning ever so slightly into her shoulder as she finished off her own plate. "How's it going?"

"Auugh, you’re all sweaty.”

Her eyebrow popped more a moment as she grinned.

Beca just rolled her eyes, “Great. It’s going so fucking great. I uh, I totally found the thing that's going to put it over the top. I still have to do some tinkering, okay a lot of tinkering, but I'm so stoked - err, I mean, I think it's going to be-"

"The tits?" Chloe grinned.

"Precisely."

"Okay, I'll leave you to-"

"Actually, Chlo, you should listen to this."

"Oh?"

"Yah, come here." Beca took Chloe's empty plate and put it aside. "Here."

Chloe pulled on the headphones, pleased that though the song was not yet done, Beca wanted her to hear it.

"Ready?"

She nodded and Beca clicked it on.

It was strange hearing her own voice in this way, surrounded by the music Beca had created. Yeah, there had been times in college where Chloe had sung in a few of Beca's mixes, but never like this. Sometimes she liked it, feeling a moment of pride here and there and other times she felt her face flush red as she cracked or skipped into a note. Well, she wasn't using her voice like she had in the past, was she? She felt her mind begin to drift a bit at that thought; she was going to have to get back in shape that way. She worried momentarily about that until the sound of her own shrill laughter caught her attention again as she cried over the recording, 'I'll behave, I'll be good'. Her mouth popped open in shock, knowing what she was about to listen to.

"Oh my god." She lowered herself into Beca's lap, dumbstruck, barely noticing that she almost sat in Beca's plate of food. " _Oh my god_ _!_ " She couldn't stop listening, it was so - hot! Her hand fell to Beca's knee between her legs and for just a moment she felt like a cat in heat. "Ohmygod!" she cried again as the sounds picked up, her sharp voice crying out and Beca's softer, responding grunts and moans; their very own call and return.

"Is that what I sound like?" Chloe laughed, turning toward the woman who had made each and every one of those sounds come from her mouth. "Nice!"

"If you don't say so yourself?"

"Mmm." Chloe's mouth closed on her bottom lip, sucking lightly, watching Beca's eyes twinkle with mischievous light.

 

* * *

 

"No! I can't! I caaan't! Ican't,Ican't,Ican't,Ican't! Seriously, how is this even possible? How are you even freaking possible? Aren't you tired? I need lunch and a freaking nap and a cigarette, oh god, I need a cigarette."

Chloe just groaned, flipping her hair over her shoulder so it cascaded over them and continued to kiss along Beca's jaw.

"And pee, I have to pee! How do you not have to pee?"

She just let out a noncommittal sound, closing her lips around the soft part of her ear.

She did, actually, she needed a nap and lunch too but she couldn't help it, she was lying naked on top of Beca and therefore things needed to be happening...for what would be the sixth time since that morning...each.

It was late afternoon and thus far they, well Beca really, had done absolutely nothing for the track, not since Chloe had climbed into her lap, moving ever so slightly on Beca's leg as she listened to their moans through the headphones. It had been the sexiest thing she had ever heard, but what had been even sexier was the hungry look it gave Beca's face. There had been something else there, she had seen that look that Beca used to get right before she and one of the Bellas pulled off a good prank but it had been hidden, buried under a need so strong that Chloe hadn't been able to get her clothing off fast enough. They had spent an hour in the studio's computer chair before finally moving downstairs to the bedroom.

"I'm just - I'm not going to respond. I'm just - I'm going to play dead. Like a bear."

"Oh yeah?" Chloe chuckled.

"Yup." Beca's body went limp under her, her head rolling to the side as she refused to move.

"Is that a challenge?"

Beca just laid there, lifeless.

"Alright," she answered, her voice sad as though it was Beca who were forcing her hand. She pretended she did not see one of Beca's eyebrows twitch up with intrigue, softly cupping her throat and gently, so gently she knew Beca's body wouldn't know how to register it, ran her tongue from collar bone to ear. She felt a slight shudder run through Beca's side but she just continued, running back down her throat, between her breasts, down her stomach until she got to her belly button, where she plunged in. She heard Beca's breath hitch and swallowed back a satisfied grin, moving over a hip, down her thigh, along the outside of her knee and to her ankle; where she left a small love bite before starting her way back up. Beca's eyes were closed as she got to her belly button again, closed tight, her lips between her teeth. Chloe swirled once and continued on, this time harshly closing her lips around a nipple and listening, victorious, as Beca let out a cry, her whole body writhing under Chloe.

She crawled up the rest of the way and gave her a quick Eskimo kiss, "If I were a bear, you would be dead."

"If a bear could do that to me then I think we would be having a very different conversation."

Chloe made a face, leaning in to take a kiss.

"I would be booking Jimmy Kimmel as quickly as possible. I really do need the bathroom. If I promise to take a hall pass and come right back, can I go without getting detention?"

Chloe pretended to think about it so Beca laughed, tossing her off.

This was a great way to spend the morning...and afternoon. She knew that soon Beca needed to rise and when she did she would probably have to work like a maniac but she hoped Beca thought it was worth it. She sure as hell thought it was worth it.

Beca was back in a minute, pausing just inside the door to lean against the frame.

"What?"

Beca just smiled and crossed her arms, giving Chloe a warm look that she had seen so many times before, Chloe's very own special smile, "Still just getting used to this sight."

Chloe flushed, toying with the ring on her finger and giving Beca a side glance.

"What?"

Chloe bit her lip, "You're  _naked_."

Beca's eyes shone as she gave her that all-teeth honest laugh, "Don't tell me that you're still not used to liking that. I mean," she looked down at herself, "it's okay I guess, whatever, but-"

Chloe rolled her eyes, pulling back the blanket and giving her a challenging look, "Don't talk about that body that way. Currently, it's kind of my favorite."

"Currently!" Beca cried, flopping in, "As in, maybe tomorrow that won't be true anymore?"

"What? No!"

"What about next week? Will it be your favorite again? Next month? How long does it have?" She cried, "Oh my god, you bitch! You're totally going to move on to a new body!"

"That's not what I meant!" Chloe wailed, jumping and twitching as Beca teasingly leaned over her, biting the ticklish spot on her side, "No, no, no! Ahhh, let go! Nooo, I love it, I love it, it's totes my fav, it’s totes my fav! Aaahh!"

"Where is this new body?" Beca cried, continuing to spider her fingers over Chloe's ticklish spots, nibbling here and there, "I'm gonna kick its ass! Where is it!?"

Chloe shrieked and squirmed, grabbing Beca's smaller body and flipping them around in a move so fast that it left Beca breathless.

"Holy shit, how did I get here? The room is spinning."

"I don't know, Bec, you just went flying! What happened?"

"Oh my god, shut up." Beca laughed, climbing up her and teasingly biting her throat.

Chloe yelped and then cooed as Beca's playful bite turned into a soft, gentle sucking, "I thought you were hungry."

"I am. I'm about to get something to eat."

"Mmm," Chloe ran both hands through Beca's hair, lightly scratching her scalp, pressing her lips in harder.

"Gahhh! FUCK! Ow!"

"Oh shit, oh no! Hold on. Don't move!" Chloe frowned as she tried to free Beca's hair from the prongs of her engagement ring. "Oooh, I'm sorry." It finally was liberated but not without taking a few strands of Beca's hair with it.

Beca frowned, pulling Chloe's hand to her and studying the aquamarine and diamond ring. Her expression changed then, clouded over like a thunderstorm. "Well, Nickie was right." Chloe gave her a small smile and held it up to her face. "It does match your eyes."

She watched the shadow deepen. "Hey, what's wrong? Where did you just go?"

"Hmm? What? Nothing. Nowhere." Beca's eyes rolled but Chloe wasn't fooled.

She ran her finger across the suddenly tense brow, waiting.

Beca huffed, "Do you remember the day he gave this to you?"

She did, very well actually, of course she did. Nick had been working on three cases all at once so she hadn't seen him for a few days. Finally he had called her, asking her to meet him for lunch at a small bistro not far from her apartment. She had shown up, pleased that he had thought of her and wanted to spend his small amount of free time with her; they hadn't been dating all of  _that_  long. It turned out that Nick and his team had just won a big case and he 'couldn't hold it in anymore'. He had picked her up, swung her around in a circle and brought the ring box out from his suit pocket insisting, 'when you know, you know'.

Chloe had thought she would never find happiness like she felt in that moment. Nick had been everything she  _thought_ she had wanted; he was witty and dry, funny and sweet. It was funny, but now she could see that those traits had already lived in someone else.

Of course, Nick hadn't been able to stay. They had eaten a quick meal and then Chloe had gotten in her car and - she let out a small laugh, seeing the painful irony of their past yet again, "He proposed to me and then I spent the entire afternoon with you. I got engaged and I ran to you."

"It was an awesome day, though." Beca chuckled. They had decided to play hooky and drive down to the Santa Monica pier where they had eaten junk food until they thought they were going to be sick, spent hours on the rides; Chloe had even decided to take a short trapeze class on the pier, which Beca hadn't been able to watch.

"It was. It was a good day."

The momentary sparkle died away again, "It was a really hard day, though."

Chloe could tell that even through this confession Beca was putting on a brave face, trying not to show how hard it had actually been. "Because I was engaged." She wasn't asking, now that she understood their past relationship better she already knew.

"A little bit. I just remember having the same thought over and over again, especially when I got a few beers in me."

"What was that?"

"I just-" Beca's face flushed. "I got a little - drunk and-"

"That's right. I forgot. We fought, didn't we? All the way back home." She remembered the stiff silence now, feeling hurt that Beca had turned on her on a day as special as that one, not understanding at all why Beca had gone cold as she sometimes did.

"Yeah. I just," she puffed out a sigh, "I hated it so much. I hated that after freaking  _everything_  he had - fucking lassoed you."

"What? What do you mean?"

Beca scowled down at the ring, looking at it like she despised it. "You and Nick are getting divorced, right?"

"You know we are, sweetie." She frowned, wanting to wipe away the unease in Beca. She opened her mouth to ask what she could do but Beca spoke.

"Then-" she watched, captivated as Beca lifted her fingers, kissing the fingertips and then the knuckles. She saw her face, so serious suddenly, and felt her heart pick up pace. She could feel the significance in the air, she knew that - something - was about to happen but she didn't understand.

She watched, lips parted in surprise when Beca closed her fingers around the engagement ring, twisting it slightly and slowly sliding it off. She was transfixed by the emotion written across her best friend's face. She saw Beca's eyes flash to hers and then carefully she began to walk the wedding band down her finger until it could slip off and away.

It was so small, such a small thing to do but Beca's eyes spoke volumes.

Her heart was thudding, her eyelashes fluttering as she felt a wave of something hit her, something indescribable as Beca leaned over and placed both rings on the nightstand.

Beca let out a deep, resonating sigh, her head falling to Chloe's chest, "Oh my god, I've wanted to do that for years." She brought Chloe's naked hand to her lips and kissed the spot where the rings had previously been.

She felt the kiss like gentle fire and heard herself gasp.

She could feel Beca softly running her lips back and forth, holding her hand tightly as she took it and pressed it over her heart.

"Beca." She hadn't meant to say her name and was slightly embarrassed to hear the shutter in it.

Beca's head popped up, a question on her face but Chloe ignored it, pulling her, needing to feel her lips, needing to feel  _her_. Beca let out a surprised sound as Chloe wrapped herself around her, her legs and arms closing tightly, holding her in place, holding her to her as she kissed her with a passion she couldn't understand.

All Beca had done was remove her rings.

It was such a small, silly thing of such little significance. She had taken the bands of metal from her and she had held her bare fingers to her heart and yet - she felt as though she were suddenly alight, her body bowing into Beca's trying to close any and all distance, trying to absorb her.

Beca pulled away a fraction of an inch, her face searching, "I don't – what?"

Chloe shook her head, startled when she realized her eyes were burning, growing damp, "Just - just kiss me. Please."

Beca nodded, her nose accidentally bumping into hers and she reached, searching for her lips again.

She didn't understand it.

Beca had taken her rings off.

Nothing more.

So why did she suddenly feel so… claimed?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll, for those who are wondering 'Jungle Gym' is not a song, just some fun lyrics I made up!


	21. Chapter 21

 

"Oh shit! Oh, crap! Oh - oh no, no, no!" Beca watched as Chloe popped up, holding the sheet to her chest, staring horror-struck at the ringing cellphone in her hand.

"Who is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Marcy. Fuck, Beca, it's _Marcy!_ "

For someone who had just been lying against her, languidly kissing and touching for the last thirty minutes, this transition to panic was a bit startling; very Chloe-like but startling nevertheless. "Whoa, whoa, just don't answer it."

"No, you don't get it! There's no good reason for her to be calling me, Beca!" Chloe was shouting, her eyes flashing; Jesus, how had her face gotten so pale, so quickly? "Why is she calling me? Oh god, do you think Nick finally told her?"

"Maybe." Chloe's wild blue eyes turned on her, clearly not seeing her despite how close she actually was.

It was kind of ironic, if they really thought about it; Marcy calling after what Beca had just done. Beca sent the white gold rings a nervous glance when Chloe wasn't looking as though they might be spelled. It was like somehow Nick’s mother knew that the wedding rings were off Chloe's finger. Beca felt an eerie brush of discomfort up her spine, as though someone was watching her – unseen – from the corner of the room. She knew that no one was there but, absurdly and for just a second she glanced around.

"I don't have to pick up, right? I could be busy - right? Or in the shower. I don't have to - oh god, I missed it. It went to voicemail. Shit!" She cried, the pressure of her alarm forcing Chloe up and onto her knees.

"Whoa, whoa, heyyyy," Beca rose, but Chloe pulled away, "Seriously?” She frowned, trying not to take that personally, "Okay. Chlo. That's a good thing! People don't pick up the phone for so many reasons; she can't be suspicious of that. You just - you didn't have your phone on you. No big deal.” She gave a shrug, “You were doing something else. Whatever."

"Beca, you don't understand. You don't understand Marcy."

Well, that was definitely true; Beca didn't understand Marcy. She had watched Chloe try so hard to make herself into something that Marcy could approve of, just like Chloe actively did for her parents, and yet Marcy never appreciated it, never approved. It was like she got off on it. It had always pissed Beca off because Chloe was the shit; she was the shit then and she was the shit now...she shouldn't have to fucking change for anyone.

"He was supposed to tell her that I wasn't available for the mixer but, oh my god, of course she would want to know why and he would  _tell_ her! He's terrible at standing up to her, he would tell her even if he wasn't ready! Do you think he filed the divorce papers? Our lawyer hasn't contacted me. Oh god, that still is so strange to think about. Do you think he filed? She'd probably know that he had done it before I do. Oh god, what if the lawyer contacted _her_?"

"Chloe?" Beca tried as Chloe's wild eyes shifted again, staring down at the now dark phone. She couldn't tell for sure if this was just going to be a pace back and forth freak out or if she was going to need a paper bag soon.

"Oh god, he would tell me if I should be on my toes, right? Bec? He would tell me if he told her. Of course he would, he wouldn't do that but-"

"Chloe!"

" _What_ _?_ " She growled and then let out a yip, her hands covering her mouth.

Beca stared back in surprise but she let the bite slide, "It's going to be okay." Tentatively she pulled the phone from Chloe's hand and set it down on the nightstand beside the discarded rings. What was it about Marcy that always got to Chloe like this? There had been more Marcy centered freak outs before Chloe's wedding than anything else. Then again, she had just thought it a minute ago, hadn't she? Chloe didn't see it but Marcy treated her exactly as her parents did, like she was disposable. "Yeah, eventually you're probably going to have to face Marcy but that was just a phone call. Calm down. Nick will let you know."

"You think so?"

In reality she had no idea, she knew she had a little bit of a jaded view of the asshole but she had always thought he was a little too okay with throwing Chloe under the bus when it came to his mother. She wasn't going to say that just now though, "I mean, you've always said that he knows his mom and what she's like so probably. She was probably just calling to check in. As far as  _she_  knows you're still her daughter in law." Beca gave her a reassuring smile.

Chloe frowned, resting back on the bed beside her.

"Just take a few deep breaths. Really. I'm sure it's fine."

She watched Chloe sit, the wheels in her head turning fast until finally some color came back to her cheeks. She took a deep breath, her hands flapping for just a moment before she sighed, "You're right. I'm being silly."

"No, it's not silly, it's just like - wait to be upset, I guess."

Beca watched her slowly release; the steam that had been pounding through her fizzling out to nothing. She just waited, unsure what else she could really do until Chloe was calm again.

Those startlingly blue eyes moved back to her, taking in her face, "I'm sorry, I'm ruining it."

"Ruining what?" She wasn't pouting, was she? Crap, she was pouting. Stop pouting!

"I'm sorry." She felt Chloe's fingers ghost over her chin, pulling her face up so she could take another long kiss, "You're right, I don't need to think about this right now. It's just so strange thinking about that life. It feels a million years away now. It happened so fast but it feels - it feels - over."

"So it's weird when it shows up on your doorstep, I get it."

"Yes. Exactly." Chloe beamed, enjoying their ability to read the other, to understand.

"Mmm. You're very cute, did you know that?"

"What? Cute?"

"I mean, okay yeah, slightly neurotic but,"

" _Neurotic_?"

She could tell that Chloe knew she was teasing and she loved seeing the moment she decided to go along for the ride. She had done this many times, clicking into the silly, stupid part of their friendship; the side that equaled piggyback drag races, dancing, wrestling, tickling, and these days kissing through laughter. "Oh I mean, totally, yeah. Full on Sherlock, but you know, it's cute, Chlo, I super promise."

"Sherlock? He's a  _psychopath_! Or wait...was it sociopath, I can't remember, I only watched the first season."

"I dunno, but I mean, if the shoe fits..." She gave a little shrug, sneaking a glance at Chloe out of the corner of her eye.

Chloe gasped, her mouth popping open in that offended way and smacked her with a pillow.

"Ahh! Ow! Hey! Watch it, lady!" Beca cried, grabbing a pillow of her own and they were off, swinging and teasing; and just like Beca had been aiming for, Marcy was fully forgotten.

 

This was Chloe's fault. Beca hadn't had a pillow fight of any kind from the ages of six to twenty-one or so. Pillow fights were yet another Chloe thing.

They didn't stop until Beca finally tossed her pillow across the room and dove, pinning her to the bed and tickling her again, which of course, then turned to something very different, very quickly.

 

 

Beca curled up, her head on Chloe’s hip when they were through - for now - breathing heavily and sighing, content. She really did need to get up; she didn't have this day to spend in bed. Then again...maybe she did... She had enough that she could start the next steps in the process and have something ready for P.J. when he wanted it  _and_  have something good for Kendra during their end of the month meeting. Soooo... "Mmm," she watched her fingers walk across the soft skin of Chloe's lower belly, taking a second to poke at the new hard little lump that Emily had pointed out the day before. "Is it weird that I kind of like this?"

"Like what?"

Beca gave her a shy smile. It probably  _was_  weird. "The little bump, as Em called it. It's so cute, but it's also kind of weirdly sexy. Ugh, do I sound like a freak now? I so sound like a freak. Awesome. What the heeellllllll, Beca?"

Chloe's head came off of the pillow, frowning as she ran her hand down her stomach, "You mean this?" She touched her pelvic muscles, the ones that, while they didn't stand up in stark relief, did subtly live just under the surface, waiting for Chloe to move the right way for them to suddenly explode into being. Beca loved those muscles, she loved watching them flex and dance as Beca moved inside of her...she loved all of her muscles...and the spots where the muscles were too soft to show...okay, she just loved her body. "Or do you mean the little belly I'm getting? I've been kind of distracted. I haven't been doing as much running - or yoga - or eating as well. I think I've put on a few pounds. I’m not too worried. I’ll get it off with a few days of work."

Beca had been distracted though; she hadn't heard the last part of that, running her hand over the tiny roundness. "The little kinda almost belly! It's so cute. How long before it gets to be a like legit belly?"

"What? Beca!"

Beca's head popped up, her hand pulling away startled. Oh, okay, too much, too much. My bad, oops. Reel it back in. Goddamnit, where was the line? Where did it cross from I'm enjoying my best friends baby belly to I'm enjoying my lover's belly? This shit was so confusing. Maybe Chloe should give her a detailed outline of the things she was allowed to do and what she wasn’t. "What?"

Chloe's cheeks were pink. "Can we maybe not talk about my belly fat, please? I kind of like feeling confident, if you don't mind. We've spent a lot of time naked today and I would like to preferably stay that way as much as possible."

"Wait," Beca frowned, pushing herself up to her elbow, "I thought you were fucking with Emily last night. You think you're just gaining weight, don't you?"

Chloe's face puckered into a scowl. Beca knew she had always been a little sensitive about her body, it was one of her few hang ups, it was why she worked so hard in order to feel that Chloe-like confidence. She worked hard for it to look nice and...it did… it kind of gave Beca a little bit of a complex actually. "What?"

"Chloe! Oh my god!" Beca groaned, rolling and huffing, trying not to snap at her. This freaking woman! She so needed to get over this  _thing_  she had about this pregnancy. She got it, losing it would be hard -  _if_ \- it happened and Beca couldn't really judge because she had never been there but Chloe was freaking blind to it!

" _What_ _?_ " Chloe snapped.

"Okay, stand up."

Chloe did, fluffing her hair and taking a quick breath. Beca knew she was pushing a little hard, that if she wasn't careful she was going to lose a limb but really, Chloe  _had_  to see this, right? She studied Chloe's body, first aesthetically and then searching and felt herself slip into a smile. Nope, she wasn't wrong. There it was. Was it possible that it was bigger than it had been the day before? How quickly did this shit grow?! "You uh, yeah, you definitely got a little something there." Beca chuckled, her fingers playing with her own bottom lip to hide her amusement.

Blue eyes rolled, her arms crossing, "Beca, I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You can't see that? Look, you're getting a fucking baby belly!"

"What?" She cried, her voice a little too high, "I am not, Beca, don't be silly! That's not -"

"Yes you are, dude, look!"

Chloe did, looking down at her stomach, but her face stayed blank, well, under the obvious agitation, that is.

"Really?" She stared in disbelief.

Chloe scoffed, her face unhappy, "I'm going to get dressed."

"No. Come here." She took Chloe's hand and pressed it tight against her own stomach, running it from top to bottom and making Chloe grin, "Flat. Soft." Then she took her hand and ran it down Chloe's belly, "Not flat. Which says a lot because I've seen you in those weird, upside down Cirque du Soleil yoga poses. So…um…ya."

Chloe didn't respond, her eyebrows pulling together.

"Really? Are you just messing with me right now? Because I can't tell. Am I just being an ass and totally not getting that you're kidding?" Chloe's mouth popped open in indignation and Beca could see a foot stomp was coming soon, "Look, I can -" softly she spidered her fingers just under her belly button, cupping the little bump that was almost big enough fit into her palm.

 _There it was_ _!_ Chloe's cheeks sparked pink and her lips parted in surprise.

"Nooo, no way, it's too early. I am not showing! I never get far enough to show, not since the first time."

"Chloe," She wanted to shake this freaking stupid, beautiful, pigheaded woman. Instead, she softly cupped her cheeks, giving her a quick kiss, " _Feel it_. That's your baby."

"Wha- I don't -"

"Watch." Beca slid her hand away almost mournfully and replaced it with Chloe's own, only to cover it with hers again. She pressed lightly, trying to bring the little bulge out.

She knew she had made a mistake instantly. She felt every single one of Chloe's stomach muscles spasm and clench under her own hand as she rocked forward, her face suddenly emerald.

Oh shit.

"Oh god, Beca don't." She felt Chloe's hand close on her shoulder like a vice.

"Crap, I'm sorry. Here, is this better?" She lessened the pressure wondering if she should get out of firing range.

Chloe didn't answer, her whole body tight, her eyes closed, trying to move past it.

"You good?"

It took her a long while to respond and when she did it was only a "Mmhmm" from her throat but Beca didn't let up. Chloe needed to see this.

"Look." Beca still held her hand, pressing ever so slightly into her belly. She rolled it a little, feeling even over Chloe's own hand that the small little thing, the thing that Chloe had obviously taken for a silly pound or two of unimportant weight - did not give. The hard little bump sat in her hand, insistent.

She watched Chloe's face, watched as her eyes popped open, found hers, traveled down to her belly and back.

"But I  _never_  show."

Beca beamed, "I guess you do now. Kinda, anyway."

Chloe's mouth hung open.

Beca scooted them back so she could sit on the bed, Chloe standing between her legs. She wasn't sure if this was okay to do but she...wanted to. She let her face fall to the skin, kissing it lightly. She supposed it didn't have to be complicated. It was Chloe's baby - she was its aunt, of course she loved it, of course she wanted to be near it. She kissed the little bulge, pleased when Chloe's hands came down and tangled in her hair. She kissed her belly button, she pressed her lips to the place just above the bright curls - and then Chloe was gone, tripping and running toward the bathroom.

"DAMN IT!" Beca growled, flopping onto her back. "Sorry!" She called, swearing at herself, "Sorry I made you puke...again." Uuuuugh.

Chloe was gone for a long time, so long that Beca had gotten up, dressed, had a cigarette and was halfway through making them both an early lunch when she reappeared.

"Sorry."

"Don e rrry," Beca said through a mouthful of sandwich. She grabbed the plate and handed it over. Chloe just looked down at it like it was moldy.

"You won't feel better unless you get something in your stomach."

Chloe frowned.

"Alright, if you want to puke all afternoon then I guess that's on you." She shoved the last bit of her food into her mouth and took her plate to the sink, "How long is that supposed to last, by the way?"

"It should be over by now but I didn't get it for so long that I don't know. This has been - different." She watched Chloe pick up the sandwich and her throat bob. Right. She didn't need an audience.

"So uh, now that we're  _up_  I should probably actually do some work."

Despite her nausea Chloe's lip twitched up.

"So I'll be upstairs, okay? Call me if you need me?"

Chloe nodded, humming when Beca pressed a kiss to her temple.

She took a few minutes to smoke one more cigarette and then climbed the stairs up to her studio entirely satisfied with life.

The song was - well, it wasn't perfect but it was good and it would be even better once she added the final touch she had in mind. Chloe was great; the afternoon had left her sore in the best fucking way and totally willing to be sore like this from now on. Chloe had a huge sexual appetite and it was awesome.

She flopped into her studio chair and grinned, remembering Chloe naked and writhing on top of her, scooting the chair this way and that as she moved.

Yup.

Awesome sauce.

And then some.

She pulled on her headphones and got to work.

 

She didn't come up for air for hours, her mind all beeps and bass and Chloe's melodic, yet totally sexy voice. This was her favorite part. She liked coming up with everything else, when she wasn't kicking and screaming against her malfunctioning brain that is. But this was the part where she felt her skill shine, narrowing down the song strip by strip, scrutinizing each and every moment; fine tuning.

When she finally got up to stretch, surprised that she was hungry again - okay not  _surprised_  - the late afternoon had grown into late evening. Damn, Chloe was probably asleep. She sauntered down the stairs, contemplating the term 'high on life' and peeked her head through the door of her bedroom. Sure enough, she could see the smooth pale skin of Chloe's back and the tangle of red hair spread across the pillows.

She must not have planned on going to sleep, Beca absently thought. She usually put her hair up when she planned on sleeping.

 She felt a twinge, wanting to crawl in.

She really was beautiful. Even like this, completely asleep, Chloe was beautiful.  
She took a step toward the bed, ready to crawl in but stopped.

Crap.

If she grabbed something easy to eat then she could probably get another two hours or so in and she really should.

She closed the door with a soft click and headed downstairs.

She hadn't meant to leave her phone down there all afternoon, but her mind had been other places. In truth, she wasn't the best with her phone; she was always forgetting it here and there. It's why she had little to no social media presence and why texting her didn't always get a response. She put it on silent whenever she was working, whether at home or at the studio, and then once she sank into the music it was just completely forgotten. She grabbed it off the kitchen counter, pulled a jacket from the closet and started out back.

Holy shit!

She scrolled through all of the notifications on her lock screen, her heart picking up from a trot to a gallop. Three missed calls from Marion, two from Emily and one from P.J. and one from an unknown caller. Shit, what had happened? Someone had died; that's what it always was when her phone blew up like this - from these specific people. Oh god, shit and fuck, please not another OD. Jeremy's face popped into her mind and she gasped; a sudden cramp forming in her gut. Emily? It couldn't be Emily, right? She was clean and sober. She had been doing so well. Plus, if it was Emily then Benji would have called her. Who else did she know who could have died?

A stray thought crossed her mind, reminding her just how fucked up it was that a death by drugs was her first inclination.

She hadn't seen the fucked up side of her lifestyle before Chloe had arrived, but she sure as fuck saw it now.

She clicked over to the one voicemail she had, "Hi Beca, this is Marion Holt. I am calling with some news and a request. If you could please call me back at your convenience I would appreciate it. Thank you."

She didn't think about the hour before she clicked the 'call back' button.

"This is Marion Holt."

"Uh, hi Marion it's Beca - um, Mitchell? I'm-"

"Oh, Beca, thank you for getting back to me. How are you? How are those injuries of yours?"

Beca frowned, they had healed fine. She hadn't even thought of them in a while now honestly. "Uh, good, yeah, fine. Um, so what's up?"

"Well, it's nothing too serious. We just wanted to call you and inform you that Megan Brooks is being released from the hospital tomorrow afternoon and we,"

"Wait, she's been in the hospital this  _entire_  time?"

"Unfortunately. It's my understanding that she took quite a while to stabilize and then they had to wait a while for a bed at her chosen rehab facility. It's all quite common, I assure you."

Beca lit her cigarette and frowned, "So she is going to rehab then?" Beca idly wondered if she should be the one to pick her up tomorrow and take her. It wasn't as though Hunny had a lot of people other than herself, Emily and David - and she would kind of like to see her. She was her friend after all...sort of.

"Oh yes, she has to. As of yet there has been no official word as to why she has been in the hospital and her P.R. team would like her to be comfortably checked in and settled into the program before they release a statement."

"Okaaaay. So."

"You're wondering why I called you with this. Well, the truth of the matter is that the studio heads had a meeting this afternoon and it was decided that the best course of action,"

Beca puffed out a cloud, already seeing through her polite wording, "You guys want me to stay away from her."

Marion hesitated on the other line, "For the time being we believe that would be best. We would like to keep the studio as far from this situation as possible."

"And Emily?"

"We have passed along the same request."

"But that's her best freaking friend." She wasn't sure who she was defending there, Hunny or Emily.

"This situation puts a strain on all of us."

Beca scoffed, not really sure what to say now. It pissed her off, it really fucking did, but if she didn't obey then she would be fucked and - everything with Kendra, she couldn't afford it...she couldn't afford to get messy right now, could she? Too messy and Kendra might drop her; too messy and P.J. might pull her. Her hands were fucking tied. "'Kay, awesome. Whatever. Was there anything else?"

"Nope, that is all. Thank you for returning my call."

She gave an indistinct grunt and hung up the phone.

So Hunny was heading into rehab.

She couldn't imagine that she was having a great time. Was she allowed to call her?

She thought of the smile Hunny used to give her whenever Beca was doing something that she probably shouldn't have.

Hmmm, maybe not.

She didn't know which rehab Hunny had picked but she hoped it was a good one. Maybe she would meet some hot, fucked up mega star and have a torrid affair as they both scrambled to get clean. She chuckled, that would be exactly what Hunny would want to happen.

She finished her cigarette quickly and made herself a simple PB&J before heading back upstairs. She spent another few hours tinkering with the song before she crawled in beside her titian-haired beauty and fell asleep instantly, Hunny already forgotten.

 

Beca woke up the next morning feeling strangely calm. The song would be fine. Suddenly it was like she had all the time in the world. That was how it always worked though, right? Before the song was begun it seemed like there was no time, no matter how much you had and once the ball was rolling it seemed as though you had all the time in the world. She probably should start thinking about headhunting some new clients, she couldn't stay this available. It didn't look good. But other than that - everything was fine and she, as a person,  _never_  thought that way.

Poor Chloe was not having quite as easy of a morning. The sounds of her sick in the bathroom were what had woken Beca. It really did suck that things were like this. The universe said here, I give you the gift of life but oh wait, you're going to spend weeks if not months throwing up, everything is going to hurt all of the time and eventually you're going to basically rip yourself in half to get the kid out. Have fun. Life is beautiful! Oh and, on the upside, your brain has been wired so you forget all of this shit once the baby is born so you will want to do it again. Yaaaaaaaay!

She heard the sink turn on and the sound of Chloe brushing her teeth before she reappeared, looking severely unsteady and letting out a few whimpering sobs as she crawled back under the blankets. She curled up in fetal position under the cotton, letting out a few kicked puppy sounds.

"It totally has to get better soon. Really. This pregnancy is going to be easy, just wait and see."

Chloe just groaned.

"Here," Beca reached into her nightstand and pulled out a granola bar.

"You're hiding food in your drawers for me?"

Beca just laughed, "So I was thinking - I feel like I have more time than I thought with this song and I don't have much else going on. Let's do something together today."

Chloe's head rose out from under the blanket, her eyes wide and pleased but half a granola bar was keeping her from responding.

"I don't know what, but it would be fun to go out somew," her words were cut off by Chloe leaping out of bed again.

"Or maybe we should stay in," she called over the sound of Chloe losing the little bit of food she ate.

This was...weird.

 

They opted on staying in since Chloe, it seemed, was going to have a rough day today. Beca tried to help, she really did. She brought her food but Chloe couldn't get it down. She tried to just hold her but the smell of the cigarette smoke on her hair was too much. She showered, and tried to offer a back rub but being that sick made Chloe’s skin crawl and she didn’t want to be touched.

Eventually they ended up on the couch, Chloe curled up under a blanket, cuddling Roger the fox and Beca on the opposite side, glancing her way every now and then and feeling horrible. She had put on the first decent cartoon movie she could think of and could find streaming. Chloe had always liked Disney when she was sick and it seemed to soothe her a bit, especially when Beca - willing to try anything to make Chloe happy - began to sing along. It seemed to help. Eventually Chloe was curled up watching Beca; a smile on her face as Beca sang that she 'just couldn't wait to be king'.

Yeah.

The fact that she knew all of these words...that was Chloe's fault too.

But she watched Chloe – saw the way she had Roger cuddled under her chin, her bright cornflower blue eyes wide and staring with rapt happy attention.

Totally worth it.

 

Finally as the lions loped and laughed through the forest, falling and tumbling in what Beca thought was a  _very_ sexual manner for a kids movie, Chloe had successfully fallen asleep; her face buried in Roger's cottony fur. Only then could Beca relax a little bit. Jesus this shit was stressful. How did you sit and watch someone you wanted to take care of get super sick, but then when you tried to help they only got sicker? She was stuck in a box, unable to remove herself from the situation but also unable to do anything to help.

It sucked.

They were out of soup, that much she knew and that was something that she could do. She stood, deciding she would run to the store and pick up some things that were light on the stomach.

She left Chloe a note and headed out.

 

It was all so weird. She knew part of that was because she had never seen pregnancy before. She was an only child so she hadn't seen her mother pregnant with a sibling, she had never dated a mother or a pregnant woman - it was all new. What would this be like, she thought as she drove, if it were  _her_  baby inside of Chloe? Or any woman, really. Would she feel worse when the smell of her made the woman sick? Would she worry more? Would she be more excited? How had Nick done it so many times? How did any man or, err, mommy #2 do it? This was fucking stressful but really she had no legitimate reason to feel like that…well…except her best friend in the entire world…and the years of loving her…and general caring about her…

Ugh!

She tapped her finger against the steering wheel. She wanted a cigarette but she was terrified that the smell would turn Chloe into Linda Blair again when she returned.

It still felt so strange to think about these things. Where was it coming from? Okay, she got it; she had a human reminder of this possible life path living with her but still! She wasn’t the kind of person who thought about kids and marriage and any kind suburban–white-picket-fence-1.5 kids-dog-and a Prius- kind of life. That was Chloe. Not her.

 

She didn't spend long at the store, grabbing a few types of light soups and broth, some juice, and crackers.

When she returned Chloe was still asleep on the couch and Beca was glad. She left another note beside her explaining that she would be in the studio as well as an apple and headed up. She didn't think she was going to really work. She was enjoying a day of leisure but she was afraid she would wake Chloe so she went upstairs and played, mixing this and that like she did when she just wanted to relax and have fun.

Would it be lame if she made Chloe a CD of mixes? She had used to make them all the time for her when they were younger and Chloe had always loved them but...maybe? Lame? She dunno. Chloe kinda liked lame though, didn't she? Maybe she should create something new for her, something she could listen to and know that Beca had created it just for her…that she was thinking of her.

Jesus, she  _was_ lame.

Chloe was making her lame!

Ugh, Chloe had always brought out the lame in her.

She wasn't sure how long she had been up there, tinkering with the idea of a song for Chloe when suddenly a hand clamped down on her shoulder, teeth suddenly closing on the soft spot between her neck and shoulder.

She let out a girly horror movie scream, followed by, "Fucking fuck!" Apparently Chloe was feeling better. "You scared the shit out-" She yelped as she was spun in her chair, turning to face a mischievously grinning Hunny.

"Ta-da! And for her next trick she will pull a rabbit from her vag."

"Hunny!" Beca stared open-mouthed, surprised when her first reaction was not pleasure or joy but a gut wrenching, groaning discomfort. Hunny didn't look so great, her cheeks were hollow, she had huge bags under her eyes but despite all of that she still looked a lot better than she had last time that Beca had seen her. And that was the face Beca's mind was seeing now, pale and sticky like poorly cooked meat, her eyes unable to open fully nor close, sticky with sweat and eventually vomit. "Wow. You're alive." She finally said because what else was she going to say?

"I am! Thanks to you, I hear."

"Uuh, anytime. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in rehab!" She noticed Chloe shift behind her.

Chloe looked a little better despite the fact that her hair was frizzy and everywhere and she was in her comfortable plaid pajama bottoms and Beca's large hoodie. Icey blue's caught her eye, giving her a pointed signature Chloe look and then dashed down, commanding. Beca’s gaze followed and, " _Whoa_ , that's a giant freaking handle of Jack!"

Hunny laughed, holding it up with pride, "It's my thank you gift. Let's break into this bitch and then we have some phone calls to make."

"Phone calls?" Beca mumbled, eyes going back and forth between Chloe and Hunny; sensing trouble.

"For my party, duh! I'm here! Hey, I haven't heard from EZ, can you text me for him?"

Beca's eyebrows rose as she realized that Hunny was already fucked up on something.

"No, wait, I mean - no, either one works for me, thanks."

"Hun, what happened to rehab? That - that kind of seemed like a good idea - maybe." Beca frowned, watching Hunny unscrew the cap of the Jack and take a large swallow.

"Oh god, it's all P.R. bullshit. They think I should go in so that I look better when they announce why I was in the hospital but it's stupid. I'm a reality TV star, a drug overdose will just make me more popular and I  _do not_  need to get locked up for the next six months with Lindsay Lohan and Charlie fucking Sheen. Although, that would be a party, wouldn't it, Bex?" Hunny took another long swig and offered it to Beca.

Beca stared at it for a long second.

It wasn't a big deal, she still drank. She could easily have a drink with Hunny and then decide what she was going to do, call David or call the fucking Betty Ford. She really could have. She even reached out and took the bottle but - she couldn't do it, the thought of sharing the bottle with Hunny, it turned her stomach to lead.

"Come on! Move your ass, House Bex, come smoke with me and then do what you do best! Quiero una fiesta! Ahora!" Hunny cried in her worst I-live-in-So-Cal Spanish.

"Like now, now? You want a party now? Right now?"

"What do you mean do I want it now? Of course I want it now! There is always time for a party!" Hunny gave a little fan kick and started down the stairs, ruffling Chloe's hair as she went and chirping, "Good to see you, Red!"

Chloe blinked, her arms crossing.

Beca rose, "This is a very big bottle."

"Mmm."

Beca huffed, her cheeks puffing as she ran her free hand through her hair, "So what do I do? Do I call her agent? Can I do that without being a five year old who is tattling on her?"

"I'm not sure. Did you know she was coming Beca?"

"No!” She could see that sparkling upset in Chloe’s eyes, the kind that always made her stomach feel sick and pretty much was the sole reason for most of the groveling that Beca had done in her life. “I mean, they called me last night and told me she was getting released today but she was supposed to go straight to rehab. I forgot about it. Should I call Emily?"

"No! Then she will come over and Hunny will try to convince her to drink with her again. She doesn't need that kind of pressure."

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, I think that I'm just going to see how this plays out, give her a few hours and then call David."

"She really needs to go to rehab, Bec. She has some things she needs to work out and we can't help her with that."

"Yeah. She really does and no, we can't."

She could see a slight downward pull to Chloe's lips. It made her want to kiss her. As a matter of fact she moved to do just that but stopped before her legs had actually understood the command; so used to pushing that feeling away.

"Does it make you uncomfortable that she's here?"

"She worries me. I don't like it; for your sake as well as hers."

"Well, I'm going to be fine. And so will Hunny."

"Let's maybe not call anyone for her, though."

"Yeah, no, definitely not.’ Beca shook her head fast. “How are you? How are you feeling?"

She nodded a little bit.

"Okay good, I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna go deal with that."

 

Hunny was downstairs by the pool in her shorts despite the brisk air. It wasn't all that cold, Beca knew that, but they were in southern California; anything under 75 made the locals shiver.

"There you are! Jesus, what took you so long?"

"Uh...sorry?"

Hunny leaned over and took the bottle from her hands, swigging away, "So who's your connect now that Jeremy is dead?"

Beca's cigarette dropped from her lips and to the floor. She felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her. " _What_?"

"I mean, he was the main guy at The Royal, right? So who does everyone go to now? Who's the new big fish?"

Beca was resisting the strange urge to run the opposite direction, maybe even to send Chloe out there to kick Hunny the fuck out. Was she kidding? Did she not realize that Jeremy had fucking died? That she had seen it? That he was fucking...dead...no more Christmas' with his family, no more cookies, no more blow jobs, no more nothing.

"Oh,  _what_ _?_ " Hunny moaned, "I know it sucks that he's dead, really it does. I'm gonna miss the weird fucker but, you know, if I wanted something for the party tonight where would I go?"

"You want me to give you the name of someone who can get you drugs? Today. At my condo. When you're supposed to be in rehab. And you're like two hours fresh from the hospital. Where you went thanks to a heroin overdose."

Hunny huffed, "I see  _that one_ in there has taken your nutsack. I'm gonna clean up tomorrow, I am, I'm gonna go to rehab, I just wanted to have one more night of fun before I do. Plus, it's not going to be ‘H’, that was my first time."

"You do know that I know you're lying, right?"

Hunny laughed, "Maybe I am a little bit. Anywho, sooooo, who do we need to call?"

She was speechless, absolutely speechless.

"House! Earth to House!"

Beca snapped out of it, stooping to pick up her cigarette, "Uh, I don't know. I wouldn't know honestly. I haven't had a need for one." She had never had a need for a drug connection, not until Hunny.

"Okaaaay. Well. Call EZ. He will know."

"He's not my client anymore."

"What? That  _fucker_! Oh, I'm going to kill him! I lost my phone, call him so I can chew his ass out."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that."

"Ugh! God! Fine. Fuck!" Hunny growled, taking another huge drink. "Here. No one likes drinking alone."

Beca took the bottle again, "Right, I'll grab something to mix with it when we get inside" and she handed it back.

Hunny stared, "But you're my little shot queen."

She cleared her throat, unsure what to say.

 

Beca watched the bottle as they smoked, alarmed and a little impressed by how much Hunny threw back with every mouthful without showing a single sign of inebriation. "Seriously, bitch! Fucking cheers. What the hell? Are you really going to leave me alone in this? And where the  _fuck_ is everyone?"

"Okay, okay!" Beca cried, grabbing the bottle and taking a sip. The taste was cloying and thick and did not sit well in her mouth. "Now let's go inside, and I'll  _mix_  something."

 

Chloe was on the couch, curled up with a blanket over her lap and, Beca was surprised to see, reading the book that she had bought her.

Beca's eyebrows rose in question.

"I thought I should give it a try," Chloe admitted, giving her a huge smile. She had changed into a cute blue dress but she still looked a little uneven.

"Cool." Beca shrugged, hoping to breeze past it and therefore put little to no significance on the teeny-tiny change of attitude. She yelped as Hunny grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the bar.

"Ging- Err, Red, nope umm,"

"Chloe?" Beca offered.

"Chloeeee! That's right." Beca rolled her eyes, knowing that Hunny knew her name. She had heard it a million times when they were dating…sleeping together…whatever. "Can I make you a drink? What are you having?" She watched Hunny pour the Jack into two water glasses she had snaked from the kitchen, filling it 90% of the way with whiskey and then adding a small splash of soda.

She wasn't going to drink that. She would end up in the fucking hospital again. She glanced back at Chloe and saw her feeling reflected in those wide eyes.

"Um, I'm okay Hunny. Thank you."

"Laaaame."

Beca took the glass when it was handed to her and followed Hunny back to the couches, sitting beside Chloe while Hunny flopped across from them.

It was like watching a car wreck.

They watched together as Hunny's drink got lower and lower. She had been fine, alarmingly fine and then suddenly and out of nowhere Hunny had stood to go out for a smoke and she had nearly tipped over; her ankles twisting, her face amused and slack. Hunny began to slur and wobble, swearing and laughing at literally nothing.

"Oh come on you bitch," Hunny kept shouting, "you need to catch up! Get on this fucking level, dude!" Which was always followed by a "Giiiingerrrrr, what can I get you? I'm buying! Though, you seem like the kind of girl who never over indulged, is that right?"

"Oh no!" Chloe chuckled for the fifth time, "I indulged plenty when I was younger."

"Yeah, you've heard  _so_ many stories of drunk Chloe. It's actually too bad you can't meet her. She's kinda shrill but she's fucking hilarious." Beca said, giving Chloe a side glance.

Chloe just scoffed and gave her a little shove, flushing.

"Well!" Hunny shouted, "Bring her out to play! Let's see this bitch! Let’s _gooooo!_ " Beca watched Hunny flop and giggle at nothing, horror mounting.

She remembered nights like this, nights of getting this stupid drunk...she remembered a lot of them. Is this what she had looked like? Why had Chloe stayed? How was she not fired? How was this something P.J. liked in his studio? This was - kinda gross and really fucking uncomfortable.

 

She went with her every time that Hunny wanted a cigarette until eventually they were simply sitting at the outdoor minibar, Hunny slumped as she smoked, giggling and trying, Beca was pretty sure, to flirt. She was glad that Hunny had planted in a spot.

Beca had never done this, never been the sober one of the party. Even when she had been out with clients she only had to be the more sober one of the two, that was all. It was kind of unsettling. Watching Hunny clack in her heels - which didn't seem to want to work properly anymore - watching her teeter too close to the side of the pool, watching her trip and nearly fall constantly, it was making her stomach a little sick. It was fucking stressful.

"Where - where is everyone? Where the hell  _is_  everyone?" Hunny cried for the fifth or sixth time.

Beca pulled out her phone, pretending to check it, "They should probably be here soon." She hadn't called anyone but she was sure drunk Hunny would not approve and she didn't really want to deal with a hissy fit.

"God! It's taking everyone for fucking ever. We should - we should get some Chinese when they get here. Ugh, the hospital had the worst food and they had me on this liquid shit so David wouldn't bring me anything good."

"Liquid shit?"

"Some kind of medicine for my organs, I don't know." Hunny waved her hand dismissively.

Beca stared. For her  _organs_? What the hell did that mean?

She really needed to call David. Like now.

"Beca. Beca, Beca, Beca." Hunny giggled as she grabbed at Beca's arm, nearly pulling her off the stool. The smell of Hunny's breath made her eyes water. "Do you remember that time that we snuck into P.J.'s pool house? No one could fucking find us because we were fucking in the pool house and they were all oooh, where's House Bex, where's House Bex?"

"Oh yeah, I remember, Hun. I got all kinds of splinters in my ass that night."

"Oh my god, oh yeaaaah." Hunny let out a garbled laugh and nearly tipped backward. "I'm good, I'm good. Just getting a freebie. Whew! Headrush!" She put the cigarette to her lips and gave a deep drag, the quick went down past her fingers and she yelped, flinging the butt across the yard and swearing, "That little fucker is hot!"

Beca just watched her, starting to understand something that she thought Chloe had been trying to tell her all along. Hunny...she wasn't okay.

"Shut up, don't give me that look. Help me up, I have to go to the bathroom."

Beca stabilized her as best she could, "You know those shoes are probably making this a lot harder. They're like a foot tall. It's a little extreme."

"Yeah but they're sexy." Hunny snickered, trying to push her face into Beca's neck.

"Okay, crazy. Do you think you can make it?"

"Of course I can make it to the fucking bathroom, Bex, Jesus!" She shoved away from her hard and went down on one knee. Beca winced but Hunny was back up and going, storming away in her drunken tantrum.

Beca followed her in, trying to seem as though she wasn't waiting for Hunny to fall the fuck over and break something. "Oh my god." She sat on the couch, hunched over her knees as she kneaded her finger through her hair. "Was I like this?"

Chloe sighed, letting her hand rest of her back, "A little bit, yeah."

Beca turned to stare at her.

Yikes.

That - that was horrible. Oh god, that was not who she wanted to be. That was not who she was! Hunny looked ridiculous. Absolutely stupid and - pathetic. Hunny seemed so pathetic.

"Maybe it's time to call David."

"Yeah."

But before Beca could pull out her phone Hunny was teetering back into the living room, a cigarette between her lips.

"You can't light that," Beca insisted as Hunny slipped and tumbled onto the couch, nearly going down onto her face.

"What? Since when don't you smoke inside?"

"Since now, Hun, seriously. Do you want to go back outside?"

"No, it's cold." Hunny began to pout, staring at both of them in turn. Then suddenly and with absolutely no warning, Hunny was sobbing.

"Whoa! What the - um - what?"

" _You guys haaaate me_!" she wailed, "I can see it in your faces! Oh god, you hate me!"

Beca's stomach turned at the exaggerated and uncomfortable drunken emotion.

"What? No, we don't Hunny!" Chloe cried, "We're very glad to know you're okay. We're just worried about you."

"Yeah, no one hates you. Though, Hunny, maybe it's um, time for bed?"

"I just wanted to have a little fun, that's all. What the fuck is wrong with that?"

"You can't smoke that in here."

Hunny's head dropped onto the back of the couch with a thud, big fat tears creating mascara lines down her face, " _Eeeeeveryone_ hates me! No one is coming to my party. They all fucking hate me."

"Nooo, Hunny." Chloe leaned forward and took Hunny's hand, "No one came because we didn't call them."

"What the fuck?” Hunny ripped away from Chloe, nearly falling over in the process, “I just – I just got - got out of the fucking hospital!"

"Exactly, sweetie. You just got out of the hospital."

Hunny sniffed, her chin wobbling as she turned her eyes on Beca, "You didn't come to see me even fucking once and  _you_ , mother of all douchenozzles, you fucking slapped me."

Had Hunny always talked like this?

"I'm sorry for that, Hunny, I really am. I was - carried away and-"

"I'm not!" Beca cried, a little angry. This was ridiculous, like really. "Emily is back on the wagon, by the way and she's doing fucking great! We don't hate you Hunny but you fucked up there."

Hunny just wailed louder and then just as suddenly as it began, it stopped, Hunny distracted by the book on the table, "Who's pregnant?"

"I am." Chloe said with a little smile.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, fuck, of course you are! Mother  _fucking_  Theresa, of course you're  _with child_. God! Virgin Mary ‘n shit."

Chloe frowned, "Um..."

"You're like the fucking patron saint of all that is holy and untarnished."

"Oooooh, no I'm not, Hunny, trust me."

"You guys U-hauled really fucking fast, didn't you?"

"What do you-"

"I mean damn!"

"You can't smoke that in here."

"FUCK!" Hunny yelled pitching the cigarette across the room. It hit the window with a small thunk and fell to the floor.

"So I guess I'm out then, huh?" Hunny's bleary eyes moved back and forth between them, sizing up her own answer.

"Hunny…"

"Right. Yeah. Of course. Whatever. Sure." She had to work hard but she pulled, clawing her way back up to her feet and then pausing to throw back the untouched drink of Beca's on the table.

"No, Hunn- fuck. And that's probably alcohol poisoning." She glanced at Chloe, her tense back muscles aching and saw Chloe nod in agreement.

"I'ma - I'ma go."

"Hunny."

"I'll see you around, House Bex."

They watched Hunny stumble toward the door, tripping and catching herself on the lamp which tipped.

"She's probably on her way to get into her car right now." Beca said to Chloe, shell shocked, her voice a monotone.

"Beca, you can't let her."

"I know. I'm just...saying." She was going to kill herself.

She caught Hunny before she even had made it to the elevator, "Heeeey Hunny, so I was thinking let me drive you."

"BEXY!" Hunny cried as though she had forgotten whose condo she had just left. "You wanna come home with me? Hells yeah, babe, let's go!"

"Alright!" Beca cheered, matching her enthusiasm as best she could. She wasn't super excited about this task, "We're gonna - go - I guess - yeaaaah!" She pulled Hunny's arm over her shoulder, already breathing hard with strain as Hunny rocked back and forth. She pressed the down button and groaned to herself. This was not at all what she wanted to do.

She looked up and saw that Chloe was leaning against the frame of the condo's front door across the hall from them. Beca huffed but Chloe just gave her a soft smile and blew her a kiss.

Beca's smile started out small but grew quickly until she was laughing at herself. She was such a loser. She smiled back and flashed her a quick wink as the door closed, suddenly not minding her task so much. She had to go and do this but when she was done she would come home and Chloe would be there.

Hunny - was not a great travel buddy. Apparently something about Beca just produced vomit these days because though Hunny kept it down, it was a near thing. A few times on the drive back to Hunny's apartment she asked Beca to pull over, making Beca yell about not throwing up in the new car.

Hunny was hanging on her heavily by the time she unlocked her front door. Right. She would make sure Hunny drank a glass of water and then she would leave. Well, she would call David first.

She just - she wanted to get away. Maybe that wasn't right but something about this encounter with Hunny, it was coating her skin with a disgusting sheen. She wanted a shower, she wanted to scrub it all off of herself. She couldn't stop thinking about who she had been a few years ago when the Bellas were at their height and who she was now; the difference between the blazers and heels she used to wear and the Chucks and tanks she wore now - the piercings - the image she had created at P.J.'s behest. It all supported  _this_...being so drunk, partying so hard that you were one mistake away from death. The worst part was that sometimes she missed it. Often, she missed it. She missed the freedom of it.

But.

Beca had something to say...and what she had been saying… it wasn't it. This human reminder was telling her that perfectly. Did she want to be P.J. or did she want to be Sammy? She groaned, fuck, the point was neither! Who she wanted to be was Beca Effin' Mitchell...that's who. Where had that chic gone?

"Oooookay." She plopped Hunny down on her bed. "I'm gonna do something real quick and then we're gonna get you into bed, okay? Awesome. Be right back." She waited to see if Hunny understood but Hunny was trying to reach for the bottle on her nightstand and didn't seem to have heard her.

Beca grabbed it, taking it with her as she left the room.

"This is David."

Beca rolled her eyes; she kind of hated this guy. "Hi. Beca Mitchell. So listen, Hunny came over to my place tonight. She's three sheets to the wind and I'm pretty sure she has alcohol poisoning. She downed like…all the alcohol. You need to come get her."

"God damn it. Where are you?"

"Her place."

"Fine. I'm on my way."

She hit the end button and glared, "Dick."

Hunny was snoring when she entered the bedroom again, something that Beca actually thought might be really helpful. She pulled off one shoe and then the other before Hunny woke.

"Heeey, Bexa."

"Hi Hunny. I'm gonna get you a glass of aahhhh!" Hunny had grabbed her by the back of the head, sloppily shoving their mouths together. Their teeth clicked hard and Beca groaned. Ow. "Whoa, whoa, not interested. Uh, you are very, very drunk and-"

"Oh come on. This wouldn't be the first time that we drunk fucked. I've been in the hospital for forever. I neeeed it." She forcefully cupped the apex of Beca's jeans and Beca let out a sharp yelp. "Come on, babe." She felt Hunny's movements lighten, almost become pleasant.

"Yeah, all of the painful unpleasantries are super-hot and everything and I really enjoy it when my junk is fisted  _through_ my pants but really though." She pushed Hunny's hands away, "As tempting as that is."

Hunny groaned, flopping back on the bed, "So it's the other redhead then? Huh? That's why. Are you two together?"

"No." Beca chewed her lip, "We're not together. But, I dunno," she felt an unfamiliar blush color her cheeks, "We could be. I think."

"She's having some dudes baby, Bexa! She's about to pop out a runt."

"I know. Yeah, that...that doesn't really bother me. I think it's kind of great actually." She realized that she was smiling and that made her smile harder. She should care. Characteristically she should care…and run from Chloe…but…

Hunny scowled, rolling her eyes after a minute and grunting, "Ugh.  _Fucking lesbians_!"

 


	22. Chapter 22

Beca liked to think, over the next weeks, that David had taken Hunny back to the hospital, that she had checked into rehab, had an Academy Award worthy change of heart and had decided to do the work to make her life better.

She  _liked_  to think it anyway, but if it was true then no one contacted her to tell her so. Actually, she hadn't heard anything about Hunny at all, nor had Emily.

Chloe assured them, each time this topic rose, that the silence was probably a _good_ thing, that it probably meant that Hunny was doing as she was supposed to. They were inclined to think she was right.

The weeks were flying by in a blur. Emily had taken to coming back over daily again; one, to help Beca tinker with 'Jungle Gym' and to start dabbling with lyrics for other songs and two, because that baby belly that even Chloe couldn't deny seemed to draw Emily about as much as it drew Beca. It was strangely crazy addicting.

She still didn't look  _pregnant_  per se but as the month grew late the firm little bump that had started just under her belly button seemed to be growing; crawling up her stomach into a small pooch that could be seen, barely, when she wore her skintight yoga gear. Beca found that she couldn't keep her hands off of it, which always wierded her out because she was not really someone who was all that into the miracle of life, well, not until it was Chloe who was doing it anyway.

Beca had also stumbled onto a new client; a very young potential pop star with a sweet little voice that she was sure the tweens would love. She had to laugh after their first meeting because despite her curls, she reminded Beca so much of Emily.

P.J.  _seemed_  to approve of the girl who wanted to call herself simply 'Hope' but she couldn't be sure. He had been strangely offish, busy with EZ. She hoped it wasn't a bad sign that he had never once asked to hear Kendra's demo. Which was unfortunate because the song...was good. She was proud of it. And it was ready for him, it was ready for Kendra. Well. It _would be_ after that evening when she was going to put in the final touch, the thing that she was sure would vault it from good to great, the thing she had been holding back until the big 'it's finished' reveal; the thing that may well put her in her bed by herself tonight, or maybe in the hospital with a broken neck.

She would play it for them tonight, bring it into P.J. the day after tomorrow and, fingers crossed, she would play it for Kendra at their meeting next week. She hoped, fuck, she hoped P.J. would like it. She had kinda thrown all of her eggs into this one basket. She  _supposed_  that if he didn't she could try and move past him and give it to Kendra anyway, but she really would rather not. That shit would probably get her into a lot of trouble, especially if Kendra didn't like it.

She was kind of a bundle of nerves but she felt...she felt good. Which was…weird.

She yawned, stretching in the chair of her studio at 'Moment One'. She had asked P.J. about a possible remodel but he had just given her a vague grunt. She wasn't really sure what that meant. She supposed she could put that off for now, though.

She had just finished her second meeting with Hope. It was strange, this was the first client that Beca had who was so young that she needed to have a parent with her, but Hope's parents, Linda and Heck, seemed nice enough; super freaking excited about what Hope was doing. Like…really excited. The only real problem Beca saw was that Hope was devastatingly shy. She came out of her shell a bit when coaxed, which Beca found she was pretty good at. Still, she wished she could bring Chloe in; she would have the girl jumping around the studio in seconds.

The trick, it had turned out, was a capella.

"It's why we chose 'Moment One' instead of that other label, 'Starlight'. I love the Bellas." Hope gushed after fifteen minutes of Beca broaching topics with her and failing. "I've seen all of your YouTube videos and I want to go to Barden if I can. Sooo bad!"

"You do? That's great!" Beca had grinned, giving the fifteen year old a high five. "I hear the current Bella leader is awesome. I need to get my butt down there and see them."

"Yeaaaah, we were a little more hesitant thanks to that actually." Heck sighed, giving her the same 'let's just cut the crap' look that her father had used to give her.

She frowned. "Because I haven't been to Georgia in a while or-"

"There was some hubbub in the news about the Bellas a while back, that was the Bellas, right?"

"Oh," Beca cleared her throat. _Uuuugh, are you serious right now?_ It had been years since MuffGate, literally years, and it still came up semi regularly. Which was fine…there were worse things…but it was always freaking awkward when it did. "Yeah, that err, that was us. My team actually, but the media made it look worse than it was." She gave a little awkward smile, "The Bella in question - the one um - up in the air, she was falling which-" she waved her hand, "is a whole other thing, she was having trouble with,  _anyway_ , yeah, she was falling. That's why her pants split. It really was an accident. I mean, come on, the president was there. That would have been...a very bad idea to do that intentionally."

“So then, why wasn’t the girl wearing underwear?”

She plastered a smile onto her face because she had also gotten his question a million times, “I mean, she was in a body suit. Underwear lines are a thing,” She said with a shrug, “Can Josie get you guys more coffee?”

The parents had laughed then and Beca had continued on with the meeting, relieved and hoping yet again that she could one day outrun MuffGate and Amy’s hair situation. They talked about Hope’s dreams and then when they were through with that, Beca spent a while teaching Hope a few beatboxing noises that Beca had been okay at. Beatboxing was never her strong point but Hope had a great time trying to learn what had been dubbed the 'Bumper Method'.

The meeting had gone well. They had talked about less of the official stuff than she would have liked but that was okay.

She checked the clock. She had some time, she supposed, before Emily was going to show up that night but she might as well throw in the towel early.

She packed up her things, stopping outside to smoke before heading to P.J.'s office, "Yeah so, I think Hope could be a good thing. I'm going to finish this demo and then my team and I will get started on one for her." 'My team', ha! That so sounded way cooler than she and Emily curled around an extra-large pizza in her attic studio, trying to come up with songs. But she wasn't going to tell him that.

"Sounds good, Bexy." He didn't look up from his computer screen; he didn't even seem to care. What the fuck? There was no, 'keep me updated' or 'do good', none of the demeaning but well-meant shit he usually said. He seemed entirely indifferent to what she was up to. He had been this way all freaking month.

She scoffed, incensed and pushing away from his doorframe.

She had no idea what was up his ass but it was really getting annoying. She felt like she was being shunned or something and she didn't know why. Her mind rotated over everything that had happened since her car accident and she shuddered; or maybe she did. She had no idea where she stood and that sucked. She really had no idea what to do about any of this.

 

"Hey beautiful," Beca called as she entered the condo, dropping her things and giving Chloe a resounding kiss. Chloe hummed, snaking her by the neck and taking a longer and far more thorough one.

Beca had been learning what the word insatiable  _really_  meant as of late and she loved it. She had always gotten the idea that Chloe had a very healthy sexual appetite, well, she had always kind of known it - it was clear - but now she  _knew_ it. And it was awesome.

It still surprised Beca just how much she had just jumped in without any hesitation, as though she had been having sex with women for years.

Then again, that was Chlo for you.

They broke apart a little breathless and Beca let out a small laugh, shaking her head. "How are you? How was your day?" She asked when she finally pulled away.

"Great." Chloe's grin could have knocked Beca over. She didn't know if it was in her own head or if it was actually true, but there had been something a little different about Chloe as of late. Her smiles seemed more honest, her moans more heartfelt, her laughter louder - she had always been radiant but these days - Beca felt like a moth fluttering around a glowing light; she outshone the brightest of all sparkling gems.

Maybe it was just because her morning sickness had been fairly short lived.

Or maybe – a small voice in Beca always chimed in at this point, maybe she’s _happy_ here with you. But that thought made her heart face and her head swim so she had to push it away.

"How was the meeting with Hope?"

"Oh, she's so cute!" Beca laughed, "I keep thinking I want to find a way to sneak a video of her for you so you can see how much she's just like Emily was but I'm pretty sure that would be weird, right?"

"Little bit."

Beca sighed, overly dramatic, "Okay, sorry to say hi and bye but I'm going to run upstairs and put the last few touches on this song before Emily gets here."

"Oooh, that's right! I get to hear it tonight." Chloe grinned with an excited little shiver and lip bite.

"Yup! I hope you don't hate it!"

"I won't!"

"We'll see. See you in a bit."

"Alright, should I-"

"Emily's bringing Indian food over for dinner - as per your request."

"Yes!" Chloe grinned, doing a small fist dance.

"She's also bringing _Titanic_ , also per your sneaky behind my back request." She saw Chloe's face brighten, her mouth opening to ask a question which Beca cut to the chase and answered, "which,  _yeeees_ , I will watch it with you two even though we know everyone freaking dies in the end. But only because you're very hot and I want to do things to you later tonight." Chloe let out a happy little laugh, "I swear, I'll never get it.” Beca grumbled, “We're literally putting on a movie where we know the ending before we even press play. It's in all of the history books but whatever. I also don't get, by the way, why you enjoy crying so much."

Chloe fluttered her eyelashes, "Because it feels good! And then you hold me."

Beca let out an unwilling laugh, "Like I wouldn’t do that anyway. Ugh. Alright, fine. Call me when she gets here."

She didn't have a lot to do. She really only needed to add one more layer to the track.

She listened to the final layer one more time, feeling hot and cold goosebumps rise on her skin. One of these days she would get used to that sound, right? It always made her mouth dry and her pulse beat hard - um - in interesting places. Was it possible to only want someone more each time you had them? How was she going to handle this on the radio?

It only took a few minutes to layer it in and then she clicked her headphones into the jack, blocking out everything around her and playing it so loudly her eardrums rattled.

Yes! Yes! So much yes!

Okay if P.J. or Kendra didn't like this then they were insane.

I mean, Chloe was going to  _kill_  her, really kill her but it was fucking good.

And she wasn't all that nervous.

Not until Chloe and Emily were climbing the stairs, laughing as they discussed their days.

They had bonded a lot over the last few weeks. It was kind of awesome. They were both so freaking good for one another. Emily was kind of a shining star, just like Chloe, and having them constantly together like this was amazing; warming the house. Beca found that she had been more prone to silly jokes, to teasing, to laughing, to just being dumb.

It was great because this could have really been a time of stress if it weren't for them.

"Alright. We're ready! We're so freaking ready!" Emily cheered.

"Yeah, we are!"

"You guys sure? Because, uh, I don't know. This shit is kind of off the hook, I'm not sure you know what you're in for."

Emily whooped, "We were freaking born ready, let's  _do_  this!"

Chloe sat in the chair beside Beca, all sunshine smiles, and Emily pulled up a patch of floor.

"Okay. Great." She paused, her finger about to press play, "Errr, have an open mind," she said to no one in particular. "Okay." Shit, she was nervous. Right now. She had just gotten nervous. She was going to fucking annihilate her.

She pressed play and a high, piercing and far too sexy wail of pleasure filled the room. She heard it and her stomach gave that usual pull, remembering the moment she had created it; remembering the moment her thigh had pressed into her.

"Whoa!" Emily cried, "Yeah! Awesome! We like it hot!"

She heard a sharp inhale after a few seconds and held her breath, her finger tapping relentlessly on the side of her chair.

The song continued on. It was exactly what they had wanted, slow grind sexy; Chloe's voice ever so slightly augmented so her rasp was brought out tenfold and all the while small little moans and gasps played in the background.

"Yeaaah!" Emily cried, her head and shoulders dipping to the beat, "Oh my god, this is so cool! Bex!" But Beca couldn't look up; instead she stared steadily at the table, her fingers curled around her lips, waiting. She could feel Chloe's jaw hanging open a foot, she could feel her staring at her, but she was a chicken and she was going to take the easy way out - for now.

"Holy dingbats, where the heck did you get that background track? Whew!" Emily fanned herself, giggling like a schoolgirl and blushing a bit. "Damn! That's freaking  _awesome_! That's so tight."

Beca couldn't help it; she let out a loud snort into her hand. You bet it was.

She heard Chloe gasp, reading her mind. She whirled around like she was going to hit her so Beca flinched and clamped tighter on her lips, swallowing any further laughter down.

The track finally slowed, closing with a particularly shameless sound. Beca took a deep breath, ready for the firing squad. She glanced once at Chloe out of the corner of her eye and saw her exactly as she would have expected, red faced, mouth hanging open, blue eyes flashing, hands wringing.

"Oh my god!" Emily cried, fist pumping in the air, "That is so good! They're going to love it! Seriously, how did you come up with that last bit? The moaning? Oh my god, genius! I never would have thought to do that! Where did you get it?"

"Oh," Beca held her breath, holding in the cackle she wanted to release as Chloe looked at her, stunned, "here and there. Chlo? What do you think?"

Chloe blinked a few times, " _You can't_ _!_ "

"Noooo, Chlo! Okay, listen, let me explain,"

"You absolutely can't!" Chloe was up and pacing, tracking back and forth, wringing her hands and shooting death glares, "No way! This will be on the  _radio_! My mother will hear it! Oh my god, no! Beca! What were you thinking?"

"Okay, wait, none of it was actual sex, I promise, pants were on for every one of those sounds and if it's recorded for Kendra then we can have a sound effect artist come in and redo it if you want!  _No one_ will know it's you anyway, no one!" She cried as fast as she could, her hands up in the surrender position.

"Wait, that's  _you_ _!_ " Emily gaped, her eyes wide. Her face started to slowly redden until she was the color of a cherry and she was looking everywhere but at the couple, " _Uhhh wow_ _!_ "

"Some of that's me too, I promise, some of that  _is_ me! And we wouldn't be the first! Prince did it! Guns N' Roses did it! Even the freaking Beach Boys did it! I promise!"

Chloe had opened her mouth, clearly to yell but paused, stunned at that, "The  _Beach Boys_  did it?"

"Yeah - it's a lot more common than you would think - apparently - I learned this - recently."

"The Beach Boys? Really?" The look on Chloe's face turned to mild disgust, her mouth pulling down in the corners.

"I know, right?” Beca laughed, having one those moments of reading Chloe Beale perfectly, “Their music is great and everything but they're a bunch of funky looking dudes. Come on, the track is so good, you sound fucking amazing. I mean, did you hear that shit? I mean, we won't do it if you're uncomfortable with it, Flashlight and I will try to replicate you but-"

"What?" Emily cried from the floor.

"Not like  _that_ _!_ "

Chloe's teeth snared her lip, chewing as she thought. "Play it again."

Beca hit play and both she and Emily watched Chloe with baited breath. Her face was ever revolving, mortified, aroused, amused, horrified. Her hand was fluttering around her throat nervously when the song ended again, pressing and rubbing; a move she only made when she was highly uncertain.

"And none of that came from actual - sex?"

Emily flushed again, staring up at the ceiling.

"I promise. Pants were on."

"Beca! I'm pretty sure out pants never came  _off_ _!_ "

"You know what I mean, Chlo! That was all," she bit her lip, "slow grinding which,"

"Oh boy." Emily cleared her throat. “Eerrr…”

"Is freaking perfect for this song."

Chloe shifted, her arms crossing, "Promise?"

"I so promise." She watched Chloe's face soften, knowing that she had won her over, "It's kinda hot right?"

Beca hadn't realized that she was chewing on the end of her pen until she pulled it from her mouth. "Yeah, it kind of is."

"It really is, Chloe, and it's - tasteful. Totally tasteful." Emily added, hopefully. The track was flipping good.

"Is it weird if I kind of like it?"

Beca shrugged, "I kind of like it."

Chloe stepped in a little closer as though that would keep her hoarse whisper between them despite Emily being a few feet away, "Do you remember - when exactly?"

"Oh yeah, remember, the thigh thing? Up against the wall." Beca let her eyes pointedly drift to the isolation booth.

Chloe bit her lip, "I remember."

"Most of it was from then. So yes?" Beca asked, pulling her to her by the wrist, "You're okay with this? Because you don't have to be."

Chloe's nose scrunched as she thought, "It's kind of sexy, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah! That's the whole point! You  _make it_  super freaking hot." She pulled a little and Chloe scooped down, taking a kiss.

"It's a good song, Bec."

"We should listen to that recording again." Beca watched her slowly lick her lips.

"Okay." She flushed, embarrassed as she shifted a bit in her seat.

Chloe saw it and her eyebrow rose, understanding.

"Human." Beca stated, pointing to herself.

"Hmm." Chloe leaned in for another kiss...which turned into another...which turned into Chloe crawling into the computer chair over Beca.

" _Ooookay_ , I gotta...yeah, I gotta go. Gross. Yeah. I'll uh, I'll be downstairs." Emily cried hopping up.

"We'll be down in a minute," Chloe called after her, around Beca's lips.

 

* * *

 

Beca spent the next day at work, combing over and over the track, looking for anything that could be better. Her nerves were starting to hit now but she had to get over it.

 

The next morning she woke early and instead of sitting at the far end of the pool and chain smoking, she let Chloe convince her to join her down on the second floor.

Chloe had been trying daily to get Beca down there, insisting it was what made Chloe so 'bendy' which - she was… but up until this point Beca had refused.

 

Beca was pretty sure she had this. She had done this regularly all through college and semi-regularly for the first few years post college. She totally had this. She hopped on the elliptical, ready to power this out. She had this.

 

Except she totally didn't.

Fifteen minutes in she was dying; sure someone was slowly siphoning the air from the room. How the hell did Chloe do this? She had seen her just hop on an elliptical and go like she was strolling down the street. Even now, she knew that if Chloe got on beside her she would be able to go in circles around her.

God, she was out of shape. How was she so out of shape? She needed to quit smoking. She couldn't breathe!

She gasped, leaning a little too heavily on the arm rails; a bead of sweat dripping into her eye and making her yelp. She swore loudly, rubbing so hard that she nearly lost her balance and flew backward.

She was dying. This was going to kill her. The equipment was trying to kill her.

God, and Chloe was just over there looking like everything was fine. She had her body bent in a twisted pretzel but she was just smiling at her like she was sitting on the couch.

What was amusing, in a jealous rage kind of way, was the fact that Chloe was clearly entirely unaware that all of the guys in the room were watching her as she bent, twisting herself like a freaking contortionist, and sighing with obvious satisfaction as she did. Did Chloe have _any_ idea how much her yoga noises sounded like her sex noises? Beca watched as a young group of guys nudged one another, pretending to be looking into the mirror across the room when really they were staring open-mouthed at Chloe.

She couldn't blame them; she could tell her favorite part of Chloe's yoga was coming up so as much as she tried not to, she was watching as well.

She watched Chloe breathe deeply from her nose, walk her hands forward and then spring her legs into the air, letting out a long breath as she slowly let them fall behind her, curling into a full body bend, before, slowly and carefully she tilted, her legs walking through the air and placing her back where she began, humming lightly.

The oldest of the guys stopped his workout, dropping the weights and not even bothering to hide his ogling.

Beca glared but Chloe's eyes opened, sparkling with laughter at Beca's purple face.

"This isn't funny!" Beca groaned, as Chloe gave her an amused smile. "I'm dying. I'm  _dying_. How do you just do this? Like every day? You're a robot, aren't you? It's okay, you can tell me."

"Hmmm, finish the thirty minutes and I promise to wash your hair."

Beca's foot stumbled, making her yelp and hang on to the machine for dear life, "As in early morning shower. With me?" She mouthed.

Chloe nodded, pushing into her next pose with a sigh of enjoyment.

Beca scowled, "Hey shit-dick, you wanna keep it in your pants maybe?" Oops, she hadn't meant to yell.

The guys behind Chloe all jumped, scattering like birds.

The oldest just stood, stretching out his arms. Beca glared as he stepped around the machines and started toward Chloe. A possessive, predatory anger filled her, knowing exactly what he was about to do. She opened her mouth but – crap, was she allowed to stop this? Was she allowed to tell a guy off for trying to get close to Chloe? Did that fall under the best friend/whatever they were line?

"Here, let me." He pushed Chloe’s leg a little further so instead of being perfectly straight in the air it started to lean far back.

Chloe let out a long moan, "Thanks."

"No, problem. That stretch always gets me but I can't do it without a partner."

Beca scoffed. Yeah, I see you, buddy.

"Chance."

"Hi, I'm Chloe."

"So uh, Chloe,"

Beca watched with mounting aggravation as Chloe and Chance talked, Chance insisting that he would love a good in-building yoga partner.

Was it fair that she wanted to hit him with a chair? Like – nicely – and everything – but you know, with a chair. Her stomach clenched and somehow the elliptical suddenly got so much easier.

Chloe thanked him politely and promised she would think about it.

"Coool. That's great. I hope I hear from you."

Beca could see the group of boys hovering outside of the door, laughing and shoving one another, watching their leader make his brave attempt for the beautiful woman.

She wasn't jealous. She wasn't.

He just…had a stupid haircut. And a stupid name.

She glared as he went by, giving her a wink as he sat back at the bench press across the way.

Ugh.

"What's the matter?"

" _What_?" Beca cried, jumping and pushing a little harder on the machine. "Nothing's wrong." She just – hated – that. She hated the fact that Chance's business card was sitting on the corner of Chloe's yoga mat…and there was nothing she could do about it. Suddenly she felt trapped in an invisible box, confined by this wordless, title-less _thing_ they were doing...trapped by her inability to stake a claim. Then Chloe gasped and the feeling flew from her, disappearing under Chloe's searching gaze. 

"Are you  _jealous_?"

Beca didn't answer so Chloe let out another small gasp, dropping out of her pose and onto the mat with a thump, "Really? Because of this?" Chloe teasingly bit the side of the business card and gave her a sultry slow blink.

"I'm not jealous."

Chloe's eyes went wide and she giggled, obviously tickled. "Not even a little bit jealous?"

Beca huffed, feeling Chloe's flirtatious tendrils wrap around her, "Shut up."

 

* * *

 

If  _that_  was going to be Chloe's new incentive to get Beca to the gym then she fully and completely approved. It might be worth dying for thirty minutes every day if Chloe brought her back to life after.

 

She had left the house with an uncharacteristically large smile on her face and decided to stop by Starbucks. She ordered her drink, pleased with its warmth and added a ten dollar bill to the donation box.

"Thank you," the young barista gave her a smile and she returned it before she had thought twice then marveled the rest of the way to work because what the hell was that?

She could see P.J. was in when she arrived but she stalled for a few more minutes, gathering her courage. What was the worst that could happen? P.J. might not like it. No big deal. She would make it work.

Damn it, why had she only done the one song? That had been so stupid! She should have at least done two. At least. Idiot move.

Okay. Nope. She wasn't going to let that happen. She wasn't going to let herself freak out. She was just going to do it. Just do it. Just – go – go – go!

Her feet were moving before she gave herself the order to go and she was glad, "Heeeey, P.J. Morning."

He looked up and gave her a smile, "Morning, Bex, what can I do for you?"

"I've uh, got that track for Kendra. You want to take a listen?"

"Uh," he frowned, "Sure, I guess so." He stood and Beca frowned back.

Okay, the hell, "So um, I can't help but to notice P, that you don't seem to really give a crap about what I'm doing anymore. Have I sunk so low here or are you just pissed at me?" Shit. That really, really, really should have come out better. Fuck. Great job, Beca. And now you're fired. Right there, yeah, that was your last meal. Right there. She let out a nervous laugh and clicked on a smile, hoping that would somehow make it seem more like she was joking. "I mean, I'm sorry, that sounded really bad, shit, but I just mean – did I screw up that royally somewhere along the way? If so, I'd rather talk about it and fix it so err- this – can stop happening." Oh god, Bec!

P.J.'s eyebrows popped in surprise, his hand coming over his goatee, "Is that what you think? No wonder you've been stalking around here like you have."

"Uh, what?"

"I just thought you had some issues you were working through. Now listen, I told you to do good and you did! You got Kendra -  _without_  me. You followed protocol with the Brooks OD, you got yourself out of trouble and kept your nose clean after your own accident; you even passed on a client  _within the label_  when you realized that you two weren't meshing. You don't need my opinion anymore. You don't need to check in with me. You good, tiger, you go on and do you."

Eeeeerrrr….

"Um."

"I gave you wings, lil bird. Now fly. I'm a busy man."

Beca jumped when P.J. put his arm around her shoulder.

She wasn't um, quite sure that everything had happened the way he was seeing it but she wasn't going to complain.

"So um," she blinked, trying to register everything he had just said. "So-"

"You wanna go listen to this track?"

"Yeah," she said quickly, utterly and completely fucking baffled, "yeah, uh, let’s go."

At least she was too baffled to be nervous. They walked out toward her studio, each smoking a cigarette as they walked and then when they were inside Beca just put the track on...because why the fuck not...she had wings...apparently...she was a fucking 90's sanitary napkin...apparently. What the actual fuck?

She watched P.J.'s face as the track played, running his words over and over in her mind. So what did that mean? How exactly was she supposed to move forward in the studio? What the fuck, was she still the senior assistant within the label? Had she just been promoted? Or had she simply been emancipated, left to drift in a sea of awkward work limbo?

She was still mulling it over when the track ended, "So-"

" _Damn_ , Beca!" She jumped, hearing her name from him was really freaking uncommon. "This is why you don't need to check in with me."

She blinked, confused, "Is that a good thing orrrr-"

P.J. nodded seriously, "It's very good. I think Kendra might be a little intimidated but if she's smart she will record this track."

"Uh," She couldn't fucking handle this morning. Where the hell was the string that tied her to reality? Chloe had stood up that morning…she had straight up risen off of her yoga mat when she realized that Beca had indeed been jealous, grabbed her by the back of the head and slipped her tongue into Beca's mouth so forcefully that Beca had nearly fallen off the machine...again. The guys across the way had hooted, all laughing at their friend but Beca had barely noticed. She had felt jealous after a hot guy had hinted that he was interested, and so Chloe had made out with her...right there…in the middle of the gym. And now she had wings. What the hell was happening? "Yeah?"

"Absolutely. Good job. Give it here." He held up his hand and after a brief pause, Beca gave him a high five and a fist bump, something she knew EZ had recently taught him. “You look so surprised, Bex. Did you forget that not long ago we were talking about you opening our sister studio? Clearly I like the way you work it, kid.”

Beca didn’t know how to respond.

 

She had plenty of time to get nervous for Kendra though as the week wore into the next. She had decided to put off Hope's demo, spending her time focusing with Emily on other possible tracks, building up a small stockpile that Kendra could choose from. She had partially made the decision because Hope seemed like she needed some time to wrap her head around everything and partially because - she thought she was going to explode.

 

 

She spent a long while in front of the mirror the morning of her meeting with Kendra. She had been changing her look and she liked it; fewer tees and more professional wear. She had softened her makeup and she had left in the less spikey piercings; not quite ready to remove them altogether.

She had been fairly happy with it all but this morning, she huffed out a groan and sat hard on the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Um, I think the easiest answer would be - my face."

"Hey! I like that face!"

"Yeah, but, you know, I'm not so sure Kendra is going to."

"Kendra already likes your face." Chloe said in her best matter of fact tone.

"I just can't find anything I want to wear."

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?"

Beca just frowned, "I need something that says something. I don't know, I'm trying to sell myself a little bit, you know?"

"You're selling yourself, huh?" Chloe chuckled, coming to stand in front of her, playing with her hair, "How much, pretty lady?"

Beca groaned, running her hands down Chloe's small belly, "Legacy, your mom is being mean. Let's vote her off the island."

Chloe let out a quick cackle, "Bec, she doesn't care what you're wearing."

"Logically I know that. Maybe.”

"Here." Chloe went to her closet and pulled out her favorite jacket, "Confidence in jacket form."

Beca just laughed.

 

She wasn't wrong, though. Beca did somehow feel better as she walked into the studio, clad in the small cut off jacket.

She didn't have long. She had planned it that way; she didn't want to sit there waiting.

'Don't let yourself sit and stew,' Chloe had warned her after a goodbye kiss. 'Play a game on your phone or something'.

She had also been right on that front.

Two minutes into waiting and Beca was a wreck. She got up and paced.

That wasn't working so instead she went to the picture hanging on the wall. She needed to call the Bellas and just say hi. She had never done that. They deserved phone calls. She had said hello recently when Chloe made her rounds, calling to check up on each of them, but she had never called herself. She should be the kind of friend who  _called_ her friends, right? That was – normal, right? It had been kind of nice, actually. They had all been surprised to hear of Chloe's plans to move and had all promised to come to visit. She wondered if they would. Should she be thinking of a baby shower? She should, right? She should  _totally_ plan a Bellas baby shower!

"That picture again, huh?"

Beca yelped, "I mean, it's a good picture."

Kendra chuckled.

"So. I hear you have something for me to listen to?"

"Oh boy, do I ever."

"You look nervous. Should I be as nervous as you are?"

"What? I'm not nervous. I can already hear this track playing out of every car window next summer. I'm not worried."

"Good morning, ladies." P.J. smiled, "I was just curious to stop in. How is it going? What did you think, Kendra?"

"We actually haven't listened to it yet. Do you wanna-"

"Sure, sure."

"Alright, everyone take a seat." Beca propped herself up on the soundboard and hit play.

She wasn't sure she breathed the entire time the song was playing.

"Who is this on vocals? This you?" Kendra asked, halfway through.

"Uh, no, it's my uh" her…uym.. "my best friend. Uh, the red head in the picture."

"Girl can sing!"

Beca scoffed, "Yeah, she really can."

"So this is like-" Kendra's neck popped from side to side for a second, "super sexy, girl, I mean, damn. Are you sure that's how I should do it?"

"Yes!" Beca nodded, awkwardly crossing her arms just because she didn't know what else to do with them, "Here's why. Your last album was great, obviously. It did really well. Obviously. So because of that, we need to really change it up, go for more of a Ciara meets Britney. Sexy sells, Kendra, it just does." She glanced to P.J. wondering if he was going to jump in and help her but he stayed silent, watching her like a hawk. It made her more nervous. Was this bad? "It's edgy and risky but I think the payoff will be worth it."

"So you want the whole album to be -"

"No, no way. We also don't want to oversell it. I have a couple of fun, upbeat tracks I'm kicking around and I want to come up with at least one power ballad."

"Uh huh." She couldn't read Kendra's face and she didn't like that. She had decided to come on strong but now she wondered if she had made a mistake. "You know, you don't have this song contracted in, Kendra. You  _don't_  have to sing it, but you should because it's going to be a huge freaking hit."

Kendra jumped, "Oh no, you misunderstand me, gurl. This track, yeah, it's happening. I'm just trying to think about what I can do to get my voice all sexy like that and I'm wondering what my mama is going to think when she sees the music video. Am I wrong or are there  _two_ women in the background."

"Uh…” Beca twitched, “you're not wrong."

"Yeah, my mama gunna be clutching her pearls for weeks."

"Wait, so, so you like it then?"

"Uh," Kendra laughed, "have you  _heard_ this?"

"Yes! Oh, thank god!" Beca cried before she could stop herself. "I mean, err...great! Then let's move forward."

Beca took a lot of notes during that meeting, writing down everything; not because she was that thorough - well, she was - but mostly because she had no idea what they were saying. Her brain was moving too fast, sprinting and racing, screaming and jumping.

She was recording Kendra's album.

She had liked their track.

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

...Holy crap!

So she took notes, trying hard not to fidget.

She could barely function but she must have come off as cool and collected because P.J. laughed the moment Kendra was gone for the day with plans to pick things back up over Skype right after Halloween a few days from then. "How is it that I seem more excited than you?"

"What?" Her voice was a few octaves too high, "I'm excited. I'm excited. I just uh, I need a moment, I guess. I need a - hold on." She held out on finger as she moved around him, telling him to stay.

She grabbed her cigarettes and headed outside, trying to wrap her head around the meeting. She lit one with hands that were shaking so badly that she had to chase the flame and pulled out her phone.

"Hi, this is Chloe, leave a message."

" _Chloe!_  Chlo, holy shit, holy shit she loved it, she fucking loved it!" She squeaked into the voicemail, "She fucking ate it up and we're golden, we're going to move forward, holy shit, where are you?" She was all but jumping up and down, her arms flapping, "We are  _so_  celebrating tonight. Oh my god, I can't even-" She heard a chuckle from behind her and stopped, freezing in place, "Err, hi, P."

P.J. was stepping from the studio, laughing as he pulled on his sunglasses, "See,  _that_  is what I was expecting."

"I uh,” She paused, looking between the phone and P.J., the phone and P.J. before she mumbled into it a quick, “okaycallmewhenyougetthis,” and hung up. She cleared her throat, nervously scratching behind her ear; absolutely fucking mortified.

"Come on, tiger, I got something to show you."

 

Beca had definitely never been in a car with P.J. It was kind of awkward and definitely weird. The nice thing was she could smoke - so she did, trying not to ask where the hell he was taking her and trying even more not to wonder if she was about to be taken out to some secluded area and killed.

He didn't say much so she just huddled behind her glasses and waited.

"Here we are!" He finally grinned, giving her a wink. She glanced around but - she had no idea where 'here' was.

"Um."

The building that they approached was tattered, clearly closed down and frankly looked like there might be a homeless person or two living out of it.

"Do you recognize this place?"

"Ummm, this is where they filmed 'Walking Dead', right?"

P.J. laughed, "The shit you say, Bex!"

She just gave him a nervous smile, "Glad I can amuse," and followed him through the door he had just unlocked.

The inside didn't look as bad as the outside, mostly like it had been closed up for a long time. P.J. hit the lights and Beca's eyes popped wide, "Holy crap, is this the sister studio? Err, Anthony's label? Studio? Um. Wow! What, uh, happened to it? It hasn’t even been closed down that long, right?" Beca's heart was high in her throat. Why were they there? Oh god, why were they there? Thought's swirled but she refused to allow them to settle. Nope. Don’t think that. Don’t think that.

"Let's just say that it wasn't treated with the TLC that it deserved. What do you think, is it fixable?"

She walked around the studio taking in the white walls and the thick carpet, "Yeah, I mean, this equipment needs to be updated but that's mostly because things change so quickly in this business. Ahh, err, it could use some surface work. Are you,” her eyes flicked to P.J. and back, “You uh, thinking of opening it back up?" That was casual, right? That was casual, it didn't sound like she was freaking the fuck out inside.

"Thinking about, yeah. What do you think? Got anyone in mind on staff who could do this place justice?”

She frowned, “Um, well, Rog could maybe-” She jumped when he let out a booming laugh,

“We'll start Kendra at 'Moment One' but then when this is ready she'll come over here. Don't get me wrong kid, you're talented and I think you're the right choice, but you still work for me and-"

"Wait, wait, wait," her head was swimming, "Back up."

She heard the tinkling sound of metal on metal and she spun so fast that she almost went down, tripping on nothing.

P.J. was grinning at her, his hand extended and hanging from it - was a set of small, silver keys.

 

* * *

 

She didn't…she couldn't….there were…she wasn't asleep was she? Dreaming maybe? Oh god, that was so corny, what the hell, Beca?

She had managed to get herself home, that much she knew because she was sitting in her car in her assigned parking spot. Thank god she hadn't been pulled over, she could see her wild wide eyes in the mirror - she would have had a really fucking hard time convincing  _anyone_ that she wasn't messed up.

No really officer, I just was handed the keys to my lifelong dream - or at least the first step - the first second and fiftieth.

There was nothing higher than this, nothing but opening her own fucking independent label.

 

She hadn't moved, staring down at the keys in her palm.

They were just...keys…

She had keys…

She was holding keys to a studio...to a  _label_  that would be her own. Yes, she would have bosses and in the end she would still be under P.J.'s jurisdiction but...this label...whatever she...they...decided to call it...would be hers.

She didn't know if she wanted to scream or if she wanted to burst into tears.

She blinked. She hadn't just snapped, had she?

She picked them up and shook them violently, listening to their jingle. Okay, she could hear them...but...okay, well her mind knew what keys would sound like, she could just be putting that in.

Oh my god, Beca.

_Oh my god!_

A rush of excitement flooded her and she ripped herself out of the car and into the lobby.

She had to tell Chloe, she fucking had to. Oh my god, it was happening. She - Beca Mitchell - was going to run one of the small, but super cool, super awesome labels under the 'Paul John' umbrella. Label. Not just studio like she had thought. _Label!_

Holy shit, why was the elevator so fucking slow? Dude, like really? Fucking really? Come on!

She bounced in place, her keys out and ready so she could just throw open the door. In her pocket she could feel the new keys sitting like stones, singing to her of all the possibilities, of a whole life that she could create.

"Chloe? Chlo?"

She heard the scream before she saw her and old habits must have clicked in because she had just enough time to instinctively drop everything in her arms before Chloe was leaping on her, wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around Beca's neck in a choke hold.

The first thought that popped into Beca's mind was, ‘how did she know’ and then her stomach dropped out - oh god, Chloe was crying...Chloe was  _sobbing_ ; really fucking sobbing.

"Fuck. Oh god, fuck, what happened? Shit, shit, shit." Legacy. It had to be the baby, only the baby could make her sob like this. "Fuck, shit, fuck, Chloe, what happened? Chlo!" She tried to pull Chloe's head out of her neck, she tried to put her back down so that she could see her but Chloe wouldn't go. Terrified, Beca clutched her tighter, wishing she had a hand free to wrap around her, "Chloe, please, you're freaking me out! What the hell happened?"

"I'm seventeen weeks."

Beca froze, confused, "What? Can you - give me your freaking face please?" She pushed her shoulder and Chloe finally reappeared, her eyes sparkling like diamonds as tears poured down her face. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, clearly she had been crying for a while now. The sight choked the words from Beca's throat.

"I'm  _seventeen weeks_. I'm one week past my D &C date."

"Wait…" Beca pulled her own face back a little further so she could see her better, "Wait, this isn't sad crying? This - this is happy fucking crying?"

Chloe gave a mighty sniff, and a nod, hugging tighter to her.

"Oh my god, Chloe!" She considered dropping her for dramatic effect but she was so fucking glad nothing was wrong that she couldn't seem to let go.

"I've never been pregnant this long. Look. I went to the doctor today."

Beca stared at the little black and white picture, "DUDE! That's a – that's a fucking  _baby_ _!_ Look I can see it! That's not a potato, that's a fucking head and a nose and a mouth. Chloe! This is your fucking baby! Are you fucking kidding me!? That's fucking Legacy, what the shit, look! Look you can see a nose! Oh my god! That's the cutest fucking nose I've ever fucking seen!"

Chloe let out an excited scream, her arms locking in a vice around her throat.

"Holy shit! Chloe! Holy fucking shit!" Beca garbled.

Chloe grabbed her, kissing her for all she was worth. "I'm seventeen weeks."

Beca nodded, grinning, "You're sevenfuckingteen weeks, baby."

"Oh my god!" She kissed her again.

"Chloe - I think maybe - you, you might be having a baby."

Chloe let out a harsh sob, fresh tears pouring and clutched her face, their lips meeting softly. "I'm having a  _baby_."

Beca laughed, a memory popping into her head, "There's a bun in that oven."

Chloe giggled, long and hard into Beca's neck, giving it a rough kiss.

"Actually, uh, I have some news too."

"You do?" Chloe's eyes twinkled, "What is it?"

"Uh,” She shifted, her arms starting to seriously shake, “use them leg muscles for a second here or – you know – stand – maybe?" She felt Chloe close around her like a vice, biting her lip as her eyes danced. Beca cocked an eyebrow, hearing her unspoken words loud and clear as she reached behind her and pulled out the little silver keys from her back pocket.

"I don't understand, what is it?"

"They're keys to the sister studio, Chlo. No, correction, sister  _label._ He wants it to be his third  _label._  And – and - P.J. gave them to me. We're going to renovate and _I'm_ going to open it."

The scream that came from Chloe should have made them  _both_  go deaf, "Oh my god! Beca! Oh my god!" Her legs kicked and Beca tried to move, tried to scream with her and jump but her legs finally gave under the pressure and down they went. "FUCK! UGHHHAHHH!" Beca doubled over a bit as Chloe landed squarely on her stomach.

"Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Yeah, can't breathe, yes, okay."

"Great!" Chloe pulled her up by the lapel, kissing her soundly. "You are - so amazing -" Chloe was yelling, kissing her cheek, her nose, her chin, peppering kisses everywhere she could reach, "I'm so fucking - proud - of you."

Beca was squealing, writhing under her and laughing, taking Chloe's lips when they found hers and kissing them long and hard.

She wasn't exactly sure where the left turn had happened in her life - was it when Chloe had showed up at the Bella reunion - that very moment she walked through the doors and into the alley? Or was it when Chloe had shown up at the hospital for her? She didn't know, but she couldn't be happier about it, or more content than she was in this very moment. And with Chloe straddling her like this - grinning at her like that, she could see a possible future; her own studio, a life, maybe a Grammy one day - and if there happened to be a certain redhead - and a redheaded...or possibly brunette baby - then that just made things even better.

"I'm so proud of you." Chloe said, leaning in so she could press her forehead to hers, "I'm  _so_ proud of you," she whispered, caressing Beca's cheeks with her thumbs, "You're going to be amazing."

Yes. It would make things so much better.

Beca pulled her face back to her, kissing her in the way that she had wanted to kiss her for so many years, in the way she was finally allowed to. "I - I love you."

Chloe's lips parted, her eyes dancing between each of Beca's, her voice coming out small, uneven, "Awesome nerd?"

Beca grinned, "Yeah, that too."

 

 

 

The End

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr/Twitter to hear about the fics that are coming/ask me questions/pretty much anything! (ioliviajanae)  
> The sequel will start posting in ten days! November 20th!


	23. Chapter 23

**Check out the sequel 'What You Do To Me' for more!  
**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for 'I Love You, Awesome Nerd'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560234) by [Dragone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragone/pseuds/Dragone)




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